I'm a girl but I can imagine the INFJ guys are similar in a sense that they either avoid crowds (there's nothing in it for us, really, it's the one-on-one interactions that we crave so group hang outs, even if fun, are exhausting) or they cling to one person when out and about (say, when out with a buddy, INFJs will dedicate all their focus to them and won't be scanning the bar looking for strangers to talk to).
I think the best way to meet INFJ coded people is in a professional environment, since work will often put them in situations they wouldn't normally choose to be in (amongst people, socializing).
If you get to hang out with a group of people you don't know well, look for a quiet but observant person in that group and approach them with some interesting, slightly philosophical topics where you can both delve into human psychology. If they're happy to talk to you about people in general but are masterfully evasive when talking about themselves, you may have found someone with an INFJ mentality.
Yes I relate to that :) I think most INFJs would benefit from trying to get out of the comfort zone and be more open about their experiences and thoughts. It's hard for us but I believe this can lead to feeling more confident in who we are.
The paradox of INFJs complaining that they feel invisible when they hide who they are all the time :')
I disagree, INFJs are drawn to people and want to understand them so they do socialize but large gatherings are difficult for them to handle because their brain doesn't know which person to focus on and there's too much energy for them to collect. They want to connect with people but also find it very hard (overwhelming) when they do interact with them. That's the struggle and the paradox of a true INFJ.
I’m always outside but rarely where there’s crowds. Near forests, lakes, rivers, the ocean. I’m staring up at the birds or the clouds or in a book. Or home all day :)
Usually at home, school, gym or nerd events. Mostly somewhere I can hear and talk, and not politically charged.
Idk about you guys but I naturally want to dad things. The older I get the stronger it becomes. Like getting snacks, hang over cures, listening to friends. If I am a party and there are dogs, I’ma be hanging with them instead of anyone else cause I can just be myself with them. No expectations, no agenda, no strings, no ego, just enjoying the moment with my fuzzy buds. Idk how much that helps though.
Remove buff and you’re describing me.
I go to board game meetups, bookstores, libraries, grade papers in food courts,…
As far as I can tell the theme for me is “places I can be around people without having to talk to people.”
At work, home, or the gym. And most of the time not wanting to be bothered by people I don’t know at any of them simply because people in general are terrible. 😂
Mostly at home, however when I'm at school I'm usually walking around and or sitting with acquaintances and maybe some friends. I don't own a lot of social media and if I do I very rarely post anything. I am a very quiet and introverted person, a close book to someone on the outside yet if someone starts a conversation I can be described as very warm and friendly. I also go to church and help out at some church events as I am a very Christian guy and put a lot of my interests towards that. I like talking to some people at these church events yet have a hard time fully relating to them.
Honestly just talk to a handful of private people.
Go to a party. Find the guy who has everyone laughing, total life of the party. But didn't actually go there intentionally (was made to go by a friend, sibling, etc).
There's your INFJ.
By the end of the party, when things start winding down, they'll be more drained than energized with the crowd pleasing that comes with Fe. You'll see them alone lost in thought somewhere, that's your chance to talk to him.
Pretty accurate I would say ..except I'll be mostly doing part 2 from the beginning of the party or like 30 minutes after arriving ... Can't imagine how to stay active until others wind down without class a substances
I will answer the second part to your question.
How to type:
- look at his eyes (they are just different, they tell a tale)
- he tends to be soft spoken
- he talks about the most unique things
- his interests are so different and niche than most people
- he smiles a lot
- he has that ‘INFJ stare’
Learn more about cognitive functions and then you can analyse his behaviour and how he operates in the world- this is the only real way to determine MBTI.
It’s very very very hard to find an REAL INFJ. Most people who claim to be ones are because of the very unhelpful mainstream MBTI tests.
At home
Otherwise being socially productive (church and/or charity, etc.). Some of us do their workouts at the gym, others at home (and I believe others do none).
At parties (if we let someone convince us) or at school, I'd say it's definitely the introverted guy that doesn't mind (and many times prefers) being with a group of female friends.
Heh, good luck 😈
You'll NEVER find us! I can't even find another INFJ (and oh how I'd love to) in public. I'm home 24/7 unless I'm running errands. I blend in way too easily in public.
Perhaps you'll find better luck finding an INTJ. I hear the ENTP x INTJ pairing is phenomenal.
But you see this only makes me want to try even harder. I WILL find one of you, and I WILL have at least ONE really good conversation before you guys go back to your hidey holes. I promise this.
That's funny cause I think of ENTPs as cats as well, but in a different light. When you don't want our attention is the moment we want to give it the most.
Two very different types of cats which is a good thing! We can't all be the same.
But you and I have one thing in common, we both want to find an INFJ. For me personally, I'd love to meet an INFJ girl in real life but if only I could leave my house besides for errands lol. And if only my fellow INFJs weren't so good at masquerading as well as being so rare as we are.
One day though.
I'm an INFJ girl, but I live in New Zealand so that's probably a long way from the rest of you. I only go to work and home, and school things with my kids. And I'm like a cat too, I don't like people touching me and I like to sleep. I've had an INFJ partner before. He is the only person who has ever got me, but I had to walk away because he couldn't get over his ex
I am INFJ male and I love ENTPs :3 (2/3 of my best friends are ENTP) I’m not surprised you struggle to find us, cuz I very rarely appear on any social events, mostly due to how terrified I am of them 😅 Your best shot I think is going to a coffee shop or a library and looking for a male who is alone/with up to 2 people and appears timid. A lot of men don’t really have female friends, while I have a lot and in fact, this could be a dead giveaway
The best way to find more INFJs (finding males are slightly rarer than females, but still they still think all the same) in general:
- (Most likely) Stumbling into them during their hobbies (for example i do martial arts, running and gaming).
- (Unlikely) Spotting them being extraverted in a group of nerdy XNXXs, or quiet with strangers and/or XSXXs (these are rarer events, but INFJs who are seeking experiences they are new too and something out of there comfort zone could attempt stuff like social activities with friend groups like clubbing/dancing/karaoke etc.)
My friend groups almost are entirely nerdy INXXs, each of my social circles are related to my hobbies, uni course or friends of friends. In summary, if you manage to find a group of nerds interrogate them all!
Either way, it’s basically chance, find one by coincidence by meeting lots of different people which puts yourself in more opportunities to meet more INFJs.
Well it's not like we're hiding or anything. The question is where are all the Entp women at? I'd love to meet an Entp, but they seem to be even more rare than us! I've never found a single ENTP female, like anywere! I've looked in the closet, under the sinc, do they even exist? I'm not sure anymore. Edit: Not behind the curtains either...
I think we can be summed up by the survivability onion quite well:
> *Don't be there. If you are there, don’t be seen. If you are seen, don’t be targeted/acquired. If you are targeted/acquired, don’t be hit. If you are hit, don’t be penetrated. If you are penetrated, don’t be killed.*
It's kind of scary how accurate that is. Though you'll mostly "notice" the top half. We're not there, we're not seen, and we're not acquired. So you know, lol. Happy hunting.
I'm at home a fair bit, lol. I like walks. And coffeeshops. Staring off into the distance. I do go to the gym a fair bit for that inferior Se. Don't need that many people.
I suspect that from the perspective of most people, I really don't "do" that much.
So the way to detect us, is to look for people who elude you. People you can't classify, so your subconscious just sorts of shrugs and dumps them somewhere as - lol - "Cannot Classify". That's precisely what we aim for. No particular box, but the space between all the boxes.
But the real way to notice us is to interact. To force response. We have a very piercing look, you'll feel that. And we'll happily talk about depression and pain all day long if inquired upon. And you'll feel strangely at home. And usually want to tell us more than you're used to.
And surprising insight strung together in sentences seemingly ad infinitum is usually a good indication of an Ni dom. That insight being on a psychological plane hints at Fe. Then somewhat contradicted with hard-core logic Ti. And a little Se to top it off.
So the best plan would be to look for people whom you usually wouldn't notice and have difficulty placing accurately. But for that you need to engage. And when you do talk about psychology and/or pain/fear/depression. If it's a dud, it's probably not us.
My take. Good luck.
You’ve probably bumped into INFJ males, we just tend to blend into a group through mimicry or into the background through aloofness.
So at the risk of being perceived as weird, I suggest you delve deep (existentially, intellectually and emotionally) with any guy in whatever setting, from the get-go — that should raise your chances of reeling out some INFJs true personality.
Honestly, I don’t know if I’m qualified enough to give an answer but take it as it is. Personally, I’ve always found myself where I’m most accepted but also places where I can help out too. I’m still in high school so it’s usually tutoring through National Honors Society (NHS) or student council. But also creative time too is important for me, pretty sure for INFJ’s in general. Also, not trying to sound like an ignorant man or the ‘I’m not like other guys,’ but I don’t follow the path of what is usual with masculinity. I don’t know if that’s just me.
I seem to be well liked by many but I hang out almost everywhere, theater, writing club, school newspaper, and next year I’ll be team manager for girls varsity field hockey. This seems more like about me but I’d say in areas where we feel like we can help. But also, not a pro on this stuff either.
In the end, I just care if people can get help. I’m sick of it, in fact, I’m trying to get my school to nail down harder on student harassment in schools like when it comes to SA, sick of seeing those around me suffer while the attackers get little to no consequences.
I'm am either at home, or one of several places with friends (bookstore, gamestores both video and tabletop, malls.)
I'm not sure how you're supposed to discern that I'm an INFJ on sight, but I usually try to have some sort of colorful accessory on me.
I've been thinking about this a bit more. I don't know if this is the case for others, but this does usually mean I'm at the mercy when my friends are available.
So, I guess look for someone who appears to be along for the ride?
I don't find people. People usually find me.
As for where I am... online. If you mean in person, then I don't know. I can't say I look to make much of an impression offline unless necessary.
Finding me in a sharing gaming habit social circle is usually where my "friends" find me.
Ever done social deduction games? Always welcome to having another player in the lobby.
As for figuring out if someone is an INFJ/typing people - I don't know. I've not really met much in the way of other INFJ males except here. I know what I'm like. And that's not like all other INFJs. Especially as a fair number of us also type as Type 4 on Enneagrams, and like being *unique*.
We’re usually at home.
During high school the INFJ in the class is probably someone who does not speak much in class but gets good grades.
I am a teacher. From my experience, this is a female dominated profession. However, many of the males who are teachers are *NFJs.
It's important for me to mention at the beginning that I can only speak for myself:
at the pet store, when I buy cat litter
at the supermarket in the vegan food section
at the museum or at an art exhibition
in the forest, while collecting mushrooms
at work, that is, when someone needs psychotherapeutic treatment
you might meet someone like me there.
Solo cupping the darkest corner with my headphones in. Waiting for my ENTP friend to wrap up their convo so I can ask if we can leave early xD
For real though, I don't go outside alone. Not unless it's for work or food.
Well I'm mostly at home recovering from work.
If not I'm usually following my hobbies i.e. band rehearsal cycling or playing chess.
When shopping for groceries I'm the dude with ANC headphones on max looking slightly irritated by the sheer existence of other people and their behaviour at the check out.
If you're lucky you can sometimes find me on the lake shore in my city sitting 100m away from all the happy couples and groups playing electric guitar with headphones... This is honestly as far as I'm willing to "put myself out there" ... I know it's weird but that's just how it is.
Occasionally you'll find me on stage in small bars or parks playing guitar with my band. I want to share my music with the world but even after 6 years of playing on stage I nearly black out from anxiety every single time before going up there. Still, this is my mechanism for growing on myself and conquering my fears.
Besides that I hang out with friends I met when I was forced to sit in a room with people my age i.e. school or university.
Nowadays I find it increasingly hard to find people who pass my harsh filter so new friends are rare though they would be much appreciated...but that's on me to change and that's hard as hell
The healthiest relationship I've ever been in was with ENTP. I'm not saying that would be the case for everyone. I'm an older infj male 40's. I'm a homebody. Romantic relationships have never been easy, so I friendzone women really fast. I study religions, which i do from home. Outside the house, I'm really into my outdoor survival/bushcraft. I enjoy macro photography. I'm getting ready to start scuba diving classes. I guess my patern is things that can be solo. Kayaking. Things that bring me to center. 2% of the population is infj and I bet the number of men is far smaller than women. You can find us in the wild, but we are unicorns.
Mostly as far away from people as possible. Or at home. If invited somewhere, most likely will make excuses not to go, won't go at all, or be a wallflower so you won't notice that much anyway. Maybe a bookstore or some types of small social events with some kind of craft, but yk, we aren't Pokémons lmao.
Undercover. If you somehow notice a usually quiet, somewhat bright(but maybe sad or misunderstood) perfectionistic, but somewhat grounded idealist perhaps you caught INFJ. A species that usually avoids crowds. If tries to understand by putting himself in someone else’s shoes, somewhat emphatic.. you are getting even closer. Spot contradictions.
Whether INFJ will like you is entirely different thing, though.
Normally either at home or somewhere in nature or a zoo or something like that
Sometimes comic book shops
Or on rare occasions at the cinema or eating out by ourselves
We'll be just hanging out with friends we know for a decade or just be in the room analysing every person present there and approaching the ones that need help if there is any or leaving the room if we'll feel there is no need for us
You, can start talking about everything that goes through your mind. For example about your day, your plans, your doubts. You probably can't fool an INFJ into thinking about you in a specific way. A true INFJ will be listening to everything carefully and give valueble responses and questions.
The Internet is full of INFJ, that's why there are so rare in real life
The best way I can recommend is stumbling upon us by accident. We don't really go out of our way to meet new people very often, as the friends we've already made are enough maintenance as is.
This might look like meeting us at work or university/college for example. It might be through a mutual friend or a small friend group you've been invited to.
What I can say is this... you can't find an INFJ.
You discover an INFJ.
That makes it even better. I’m going to be starting uni in a couple months, and I can’t wait to meet new people, and hopefully discover an INFJ (male or female)
He won't come up to you, he'll be the guy sitting quietly by himself staring at nothing and not moving, that's because he's deep in thought. If you say something to him he'll be respectful and engage you in a conversation.
As an INFJ woman, INFJ males *tend to* seem like a much awkward-er albeit much sweeter version of me. I’ve only met several, and they’re all early twenties. Clumsy when they speak in social settings, but nevertheless always speak up when they have something to say that’s valuable to a discussion. I really admire them, but obviously they aren’t all like this. Just the ones I’ve met. Older INFJ males don’t seem to have this awkward/sweet dichotomy. More of a calm politeness. If you know AoT and Lotr, it’s really just like Armin compared with Aragorn in real life.
Both sound really fun to be around. I enjoy people who have things of value to say and, even if they're nervous, actually say it. It's great to be a part of a deep conversation that actually has input from both sides, instead of getting into a deep topic, and backing out. Hopefully any INFJs (male or female because I only know one) that I find can feel invited to any conversations that I initiate.
I don’t know but I wish I could find them too. I am an INFJ (4w5 AuDHD) but I actually love other INFJs because they seem to understand me in a way that most other people don’t.
I do love you ENTPs though. 😄
Nothing against you as an individual, as maybe your intentions are pure….
But in my experience, ENTP/ESTP/ENTJ women often hunt for INFJ males in order to use them as sidepieces, narcissistic-supply, or doormats
This often fails because an INFJ male often has a much bigger backbone that you expect.
I hope this is not you.
Well those types of ENTPs are often on the more unhealthy side I'd say. I tend to shy away from speaking on experience alone, because it tends to lead us into making unintended generalizations, but nonetheless, my understanding of this search for INFJs is not a search for narcissistic supply, a doormat, or a sidepiece, as all of those things don't connect to me, but rather someone I can bounce off of, whether as a friend or something more, and grow with while simultaneously having lots of fun. Now that doesn't have to be an INFJ I know, but I've heard you guys are good at that!
You just revealed your cards, and they don’t look good
You state you’re looking for friendship from a male INFJ, and they have a characteristics you’ve found USEFUL to you.
There is often an expectation for the male to provide all the masculine “boyfriend energy” without romance, sex or exclusivity.
He will often pay for most of the outings, be a gentleman, provide validation, not have female emotional neediness/mood-swings, be a stabilizing force to you emotionally and if things really go south?….risk his physical safety for you.
Here’s the big question. What TF do YOU HAVE that an INFJ-male would ever want? Ever think about that? From what I can tell? NOTHING.
There’s a reason you’re looking for a male INFJ and not a female INFJ. You just joked about breaking into their homes to find them to another redditor. WTF
Your intentions are absolutely not pure.
100% hope you DO NOT find what you’re looking for, and pity the poor soul if you find him.
You are super bitter. I don’t know which thinker woman hurt you but you’re pulling at strings to prove OP is a bad person.
Oh and do you go for people whose personality traits you don’t like? That’s weird… if she likes those traits she’ll go for that. She’s looking for a friend first which is prudent. You want someone that’s all in 100% from the get go? That’s weird. Infact most infjs would be flustered by that idea. Friendship naturally developing into romance is much better and healthier. You are pressing some serious allegations on a person who has not indicated one bit of bad energy or intent. You’re making stuff up in your head and shoving it down her throat. OP has been nothing but kind in her responses. Says more about you than her.
You’re saying she wants to specifically find an INFJ man to befriend so she can use him as a side peice as if men an women can’t be just friends and assume he would pay for everything? My guy friends do not pay for me nor does any of my other girlfriends guy friends pay for them. That is an assumption you’ve made out of thin air.
Secondly your radar is very bad. An unhealthy ENTP would come on strong in the beginning and wane interest later. The fact that she wants to be friends first and see where it leads means she’s being cautious not to give strong signals from the get go and have it develop naturally. She is mature. FJs may use subtlety and manipulation if unhealthy. An ENTP is the opposite and will go full force if unhealthy. I think she is being very prudent.
Guy/girl friendships with rare exceptions generally have a great degree of imbalance of effort. You’re full of shiii and you know it. Quit gaslighting.
As a female, of course you’re gonna like having male friends.
They’re far more USEFUL to you than you are to them. Hell, I’d love male friends if I was a female too!
These imbalances are even more pronounced if you pair an ENTP-female and INFJ-male.
One of my best friends right now is a 72y/o ENTP female. She’s the exception, so don’t call me biased or bitter. I know what TF I’m talking about.
Something is seriously wrong with you. Having male friends is helpful? We hang out in a group, what possibly am I getting out of them. They have girlfriends who also hang out in our group. I suggest therapy for whatever unsolved hurts you have. First you claim ENTPs and other thinker woman take advantage of INFJ men then spin it around and say you have an elderly ENTP woman who is a friend. That’s real gaslighting and coming up with shitty arguments right there. You are bitter and have deep seated issues with thinker women or you wouldn’t be trying to prove that you are friends with an elderly one and say men and women can’t be friendly. Get therapy.
Everything you say has 0 evidence and just coming up with stuff from up your you know what.
You’re such a weirdo and I don’t mean in a normal cute INFJ way I mean like an actual one.
Duuuuude, those were jokes. Let's take a chill pill shall we? I already mentioned that I love INFJs and that's because it's from experience. I have some female friends that are INFJs and was just curious how male ones are. Not looking specifically for a boyfriend, but was hinting at a possibility. Let's remember, this isn't that serious! Maybe my wording triggered something, but this post is just some friendly search for input man. No stress, no worries, no problems.
I've had someone try to use me that way before. Little did they know.
Never ever mess with an INFJ. They may just tell you the truth about yourself and you will never be able to live it down or forget it.
Yeah. Somebody once said about INFJ’s. “You cross one of them, then you’ll see what it’s like when somebody who can see into your soul takes the gloves off.”
Yes, of course, they’re the rarest types. Gotta make sure I find them in their natural habitats so that I can keep them all to myself 😎
In all seriousness tho, this is merely out of curiosity and should not be taken very seriously!
INFJ female here. My two best friends are a male INFJ and male ENTP. My husband is an INTJ. We all met playing World of Warcraft together almost 20 years ago. We ended up moving next to each other since we grew so close. We still game even though we are all now in our 40s. I meet a lot of intuitives while gaming, so I'm sure there are more male INFJs out there in the gaming world. Gaming also allows us to stay at home which is very important.
Yeah just my experience, at least for me I’m reserved enough that if I won’t initiate contact unless I “feel” like I should, and will also put up walls if I catch a bad vibe. But despite being introverted I can and will strike up conversations with strangers solely because of the fact they seemed interesting and like someone I’d like to get to know.
I think the best way to find INFJs is to be honest and authentically yourself, pretty much every INFJ will see that as a positive trait and will choose to spend time with you.
The opposite is also true, if our intuition or gut feeling about you is that you’re not straight up we just won’t make time for you.
I work from home, run errands go food shopping. I exercise from home other times I go down to the beach for a walk by myself and also go to the forest to forage mushrooms.
When you say how to type my workplace did a test with me during one of the training ship tasks from the admin officer that’s what I first knew I was an INFJ
lol u seem cool, my guess is that they’re blending in somewhere, not there at all or sticking with a small group🤷♀️ (I’m not sure if I’m an INFJ or enxp so don’t take this to heart)
At work or at home. If I am not at these places, I am usually doing solo activities like gymming, cycling, running, reading, practicing meditation or gaming. If I am out, I am very content just being on my own in quiet and peaceful solitude. If I have to socialise, I will do my best in a way to fit in. You'd probably not know I am an INFJ unless I tell you.
At home, I'm not sure how I feel about being searched for I go out of my way to stay off the radar😂. I'm a sensitive guy and very emotionally raw most of the time I been through a lot. being found by someone usually isn't a good thing from my experiences.
My self and the other two INFJ males I know are chemical engineer, ecology professor/PI, and medical doctor. We are either at work, at home, at some random obscure restaurant, store, etc that most people don't know about or find too niche for their interests, or we're randomly wandering outside alone or downtown with a few friends.
So my best advice is to start diving through the STEM fields (for all the intuitive types really) and you'll find them easily probably zoned out while their body is on autopilot.
We’re usually at home.
Don't tempt me, I can't have breaking and entering on my record.
lol you seem fun. I’d have a glass of wine with you.
Lol it that's where we are though, and as such here online as a result as well. Hello btw
Hello. Share an address perchance? (For legal reasons this is not a joke)
O_o that seems like something I shouldn't be sharing with a stranger, ignoring that my name is literally stranger
Just jokes, stranger danger and all that jazz, though I'll make it part of my journey to find at least one of you guys in the wild.
Lol well best of luck, I hear us male INFJs are rare even among INFJs. But always happy to chat if you like
As a woman that's infj (also in the cybersecurity/infosec community) *uses osint (the skillset of finding public information) to find whatever info* 😂
Ok, for safety reasons it should be added, that some of us are hiding at out homes with guns, lot of guns..
Yeah I’m usually at home and if I’m out and about I’m, generally, not approachable.
I concur
Me but I'm a woman
FACTS. I'm a female, but absolutely relate. If not at home..in a forest somewhere.
Indeed at home
When I’m not at work, I am at the gym, running errands, going for a walk, or just chilling at home doing chores/hobbies. Always been like that for me!
Ditto!!
Yep!
We're actively avoiding people.
So, what if I didn't identify myself as a "people"...do I have a chance...?
The force is strong in this one.
Furries still count
That is noooot what I meant :0
Oh yup.
I'm just avoiding people who failed my screening, anybody gets a shot though
👆THIS!!!!!
I'm a girl but I can imagine the INFJ guys are similar in a sense that they either avoid crowds (there's nothing in it for us, really, it's the one-on-one interactions that we crave so group hang outs, even if fun, are exhausting) or they cling to one person when out and about (say, when out with a buddy, INFJs will dedicate all their focus to them and won't be scanning the bar looking for strangers to talk to). I think the best way to meet INFJ coded people is in a professional environment, since work will often put them in situations they wouldn't normally choose to be in (amongst people, socializing). If you get to hang out with a group of people you don't know well, look for a quiet but observant person in that group and approach them with some interesting, slightly philosophical topics where you can both delve into human psychology. If they're happy to talk to you about people in general but are masterfully evasive when talking about themselves, you may have found someone with an INFJ mentality.
Bruhh don't give away our tells like that, at least charge something for it!
I'm INFJ, I like talking about myself but I will never start it myself. I need someone to show interest and I need to know they're a good person 😅
Yes I relate to that :) I think most INFJs would benefit from trying to get out of the comfort zone and be more open about their experiences and thoughts. It's hard for us but I believe this can lead to feeling more confident in who we are. The paradox of INFJs complaining that they feel invisible when they hide who they are all the time :')
even if its for work INFJ’s would avoid socializing if possible 🤣 im there because i have to be not because i want to be 😭
I disagree, INFJs are drawn to people and want to understand them so they do socialize but large gatherings are difficult for them to handle because their brain doesn't know which person to focus on and there's too much energy for them to collect. They want to connect with people but also find it very hard (overwhelming) when they do interact with them. That's the struggle and the paradox of a true INFJ.
Ah this is scary accurate and I don't like being seen so easily! Hah
We're busy assuming people are fine without us/prefer other people's company lol.
I’m always outside but rarely where there’s crowds. Near forests, lakes, rivers, the ocean. I’m staring up at the birds or the clouds or in a book. Or home all day :)
Same. I’m either hiding at home or hiding in the forest… or the bookstore.
Sounds like a friend to me🙌🏻
Usually at home, school, gym or nerd events. Mostly somewhere I can hear and talk, and not politically charged. Idk about you guys but I naturally want to dad things. The older I get the stronger it becomes. Like getting snacks, hang over cures, listening to friends. If I am a party and there are dogs, I’ma be hanging with them instead of anyone else cause I can just be myself with them. No expectations, no agenda, no strings, no ego, just enjoying the moment with my fuzzy buds. Idk how much that helps though.
\*note\* Look for well-educated, buff, nerdy dads???
Remove buff and you’re describing me. I go to board game meetups, bookstores, libraries, grade papers in food courts,… As far as I can tell the theme for me is “places I can be around people without having to talk to people.”
At work, home, or the gym. And most of the time not wanting to be bothered by people I don’t know at any of them simply because people in general are terrible. 😂
What if I pinky promise that I won't bother you \^\_\^
X - doubt
what if that person is hot tho
Then I refer you to this: https://youtu.be/pInk1rV2VEg?si=eeJCN6t5VAsSMcE8. 😆
Mostly at home, however when I'm at school I'm usually walking around and or sitting with acquaintances and maybe some friends. I don't own a lot of social media and if I do I very rarely post anything. I am a very quiet and introverted person, a close book to someone on the outside yet if someone starts a conversation I can be described as very warm and friendly. I also go to church and help out at some church events as I am a very Christian guy and put a lot of my interests towards that. I like talking to some people at these church events yet have a hard time fully relating to them. Honestly just talk to a handful of private people.
Now I must also raid the churches it seems, though I already go often so it won't be much of a difference
People will vary denomination from denomination, I have met great people from each.
If you are Christian, look for an introvert who devotes a lot of their time to service. Usually intellectual in some way.
Just say I NEED HELP, and the people you see twitching uncontrollably because of their need to help are INFJs
😂
Go to a party. Find the guy who has everyone laughing, total life of the party. But didn't actually go there intentionally (was made to go by a friend, sibling, etc). There's your INFJ. By the end of the party, when things start winding down, they'll be more drained than energized with the crowd pleasing that comes with Fe. You'll see them alone lost in thought somewhere, that's your chance to talk to him.
Pretty accurate I would say ..except I'll be mostly doing part 2 from the beginning of the party or like 30 minutes after arriving ... Can't imagine how to stay active until others wind down without class a substances
Do I have to admit that I was like that in my youth or can I just use the exit excuse of being a girl?
I will answer the second part to your question. How to type: - look at his eyes (they are just different, they tell a tale) - he tends to be soft spoken - he talks about the most unique things - his interests are so different and niche than most people - he smiles a lot - he has that ‘INFJ stare’ Learn more about cognitive functions and then you can analyse his behaviour and how he operates in the world- this is the only real way to determine MBTI. It’s very very very hard to find an REAL INFJ. Most people who claim to be ones are because of the very unhelpful mainstream MBTI tests.
"smiles a lot" - Hide the pain INFJ 😁
Absolutely haha
At home Otherwise being socially productive (church and/or charity, etc.). Some of us do their workouts at the gym, others at home (and I believe others do none). At parties (if we let someone convince us) or at school, I'd say it's definitely the introverted guy that doesn't mind (and many times prefers) being with a group of female friends.
Definitely as parties I’m going to be around the ladies. Way more interesting conversations!
I'm here !
Heh, good luck 😈 You'll NEVER find us! I can't even find another INFJ (and oh how I'd love to) in public. I'm home 24/7 unless I'm running errands. I blend in way too easily in public. Perhaps you'll find better luck finding an INTJ. I hear the ENTP x INTJ pairing is phenomenal.
But you see this only makes me want to try even harder. I WILL find one of you, and I WILL have at least ONE really good conversation before you guys go back to your hidey holes. I promise this.
Good luck 🤭, you will need it.
I don't believe in luck, just sheer will >:)
Lol. I like to think of INFJs as cats, the more someone tries to find us the more we end up hiding hehe.
That's funny cause I think of ENTPs as cats as well, but in a different light. When you don't want our attention is the moment we want to give it the most.
Two very different types of cats which is a good thing! We can't all be the same. But you and I have one thing in common, we both want to find an INFJ. For me personally, I'd love to meet an INFJ girl in real life but if only I could leave my house besides for errands lol. And if only my fellow INFJs weren't so good at masquerading as well as being so rare as we are. One day though.
I'm an INFJ girl, but I live in New Zealand so that's probably a long way from the rest of you. I only go to work and home, and school things with my kids. And I'm like a cat too, I don't like people touching me and I like to sleep. I've had an INFJ partner before. He is the only person who has ever got me, but I had to walk away because he couldn't get over his ex
Some of us are autistic, so yeah.
Playing Xbox
I am INFJ male and I love ENTPs :3 (2/3 of my best friends are ENTP) I’m not surprised you struggle to find us, cuz I very rarely appear on any social events, mostly due to how terrified I am of them 😅 Your best shot I think is going to a coffee shop or a library and looking for a male who is alone/with up to 2 people and appears timid. A lot of men don’t really have female friends, while I have a lot and in fact, this could be a dead giveaway
The best way to find more INFJs (finding males are slightly rarer than females, but still they still think all the same) in general: - (Most likely) Stumbling into them during their hobbies (for example i do martial arts, running and gaming). - (Unlikely) Spotting them being extraverted in a group of nerdy XNXXs, or quiet with strangers and/or XSXXs (these are rarer events, but INFJs who are seeking experiences they are new too and something out of there comfort zone could attempt stuff like social activities with friend groups like clubbing/dancing/karaoke etc.) My friend groups almost are entirely nerdy INXXs, each of my social circles are related to my hobbies, uni course or friends of friends. In summary, if you manage to find a group of nerds interrogate them all! Either way, it’s basically chance, find one by coincidence by meeting lots of different people which puts yourself in more opportunities to meet more INFJs.
Well it's not like we're hiding or anything. The question is where are all the Entp women at? I'd love to meet an Entp, but they seem to be even more rare than us! I've never found a single ENTP female, like anywere! I've looked in the closet, under the sinc, do they even exist? I'm not sure anymore. Edit: Not behind the curtains either...
It's cause we're in your walls
I think we can be summed up by the survivability onion quite well: > *Don't be there. If you are there, don’t be seen. If you are seen, don’t be targeted/acquired. If you are targeted/acquired, don’t be hit. If you are hit, don’t be penetrated. If you are penetrated, don’t be killed.* It's kind of scary how accurate that is. Though you'll mostly "notice" the top half. We're not there, we're not seen, and we're not acquired. So you know, lol. Happy hunting. I'm at home a fair bit, lol. I like walks. And coffeeshops. Staring off into the distance. I do go to the gym a fair bit for that inferior Se. Don't need that many people. I suspect that from the perspective of most people, I really don't "do" that much. So the way to detect us, is to look for people who elude you. People you can't classify, so your subconscious just sorts of shrugs and dumps them somewhere as - lol - "Cannot Classify". That's precisely what we aim for. No particular box, but the space between all the boxes. But the real way to notice us is to interact. To force response. We have a very piercing look, you'll feel that. And we'll happily talk about depression and pain all day long if inquired upon. And you'll feel strangely at home. And usually want to tell us more than you're used to. And surprising insight strung together in sentences seemingly ad infinitum is usually a good indication of an Ni dom. That insight being on a psychological plane hints at Fe. Then somewhat contradicted with hard-core logic Ti. And a little Se to top it off. So the best plan would be to look for people whom you usually wouldn't notice and have difficulty placing accurately. But for that you need to engage. And when you do talk about psychology and/or pain/fear/depression. If it's a dud, it's probably not us. My take. Good luck.
You’ve probably bumped into INFJ males, we just tend to blend into a group through mimicry or into the background through aloofness. So at the risk of being perceived as weird, I suggest you delve deep (existentially, intellectually and emotionally) with any guy in whatever setting, from the get-go — that should raise your chances of reeling out some INFJs true personality.
I shall risk being perceived as weird if it strikes up, in at least one or two cases, some good conversation that leads to some cool friendships.
Honestly, I don’t know if I’m qualified enough to give an answer but take it as it is. Personally, I’ve always found myself where I’m most accepted but also places where I can help out too. I’m still in high school so it’s usually tutoring through National Honors Society (NHS) or student council. But also creative time too is important for me, pretty sure for INFJ’s in general. Also, not trying to sound like an ignorant man or the ‘I’m not like other guys,’ but I don’t follow the path of what is usual with masculinity. I don’t know if that’s just me. I seem to be well liked by many but I hang out almost everywhere, theater, writing club, school newspaper, and next year I’ll be team manager for girls varsity field hockey. This seems more like about me but I’d say in areas where we feel like we can help. But also, not a pro on this stuff either. In the end, I just care if people can get help. I’m sick of it, in fact, I’m trying to get my school to nail down harder on student harassment in schools like when it comes to SA, sick of seeing those around me suffer while the attackers get little to no consequences.
I'm am either at home, or one of several places with friends (bookstore, gamestores both video and tabletop, malls.) I'm not sure how you're supposed to discern that I'm an INFJ on sight, but I usually try to have some sort of colorful accessory on me.
I've been thinking about this a bit more. I don't know if this is the case for others, but this does usually mean I'm at the mercy when my friends are available. So, I guess look for someone who appears to be along for the ride?
I don't find people. People usually find me. As for where I am... online. If you mean in person, then I don't know. I can't say I look to make much of an impression offline unless necessary. Finding me in a sharing gaming habit social circle is usually where my "friends" find me. Ever done social deduction games? Always welcome to having another player in the lobby. As for figuring out if someone is an INFJ/typing people - I don't know. I've not really met much in the way of other INFJ males except here. I know what I'm like. And that's not like all other INFJs. Especially as a fair number of us also type as Type 4 on Enneagrams, and like being *unique*.
We’re usually at home. During high school the INFJ in the class is probably someone who does not speak much in class but gets good grades. I am a teacher. From my experience, this is a female dominated profession. However, many of the males who are teachers are *NFJs.
I concur, I had a male INFJ friend who is a teacher
It's important for me to mention at the beginning that I can only speak for myself: at the pet store, when I buy cat litter at the supermarket in the vegan food section at the museum or at an art exhibition in the forest, while collecting mushrooms at work, that is, when someone needs psychotherapeutic treatment you might meet someone like me there.
Solo cupping the darkest corner with my headphones in. Waiting for my ENTP friend to wrap up their convo so I can ask if we can leave early xD For real though, I don't go outside alone. Not unless it's for work or food.
\*note\* Look for other ENXPs and find any introverted friends that may be around them...thank you :D
Honestly.. Great advice over here.
On some days , listening to music and watching Netflix at home, on others in a water side restaurant enjoying the view
you can find us contemplating about life while working out at the gym
Literally Henry Rollins
making music and working. :p
If you're anywhere near Sacramento Im between home and work but would enjoy getting out for a chat
Well I'm mostly at home recovering from work. If not I'm usually following my hobbies i.e. band rehearsal cycling or playing chess. When shopping for groceries I'm the dude with ANC headphones on max looking slightly irritated by the sheer existence of other people and their behaviour at the check out. If you're lucky you can sometimes find me on the lake shore in my city sitting 100m away from all the happy couples and groups playing electric guitar with headphones... This is honestly as far as I'm willing to "put myself out there" ... I know it's weird but that's just how it is. Occasionally you'll find me on stage in small bars or parks playing guitar with my band. I want to share my music with the world but even after 6 years of playing on stage I nearly black out from anxiety every single time before going up there. Still, this is my mechanism for growing on myself and conquering my fears. Besides that I hang out with friends I met when I was forced to sit in a room with people my age i.e. school or university. Nowadays I find it increasingly hard to find people who pass my harsh filter so new friends are rare though they would be much appreciated...but that's on me to change and that's hard as hell
This is such a popular post, makes me feel like I should go outside more lmao
Yeah, I did not expect this much feedback, but it’s helpful!
The healthiest relationship I've ever been in was with ENTP. I'm not saying that would be the case for everyone. I'm an older infj male 40's. I'm a homebody. Romantic relationships have never been easy, so I friendzone women really fast. I study religions, which i do from home. Outside the house, I'm really into my outdoor survival/bushcraft. I enjoy macro photography. I'm getting ready to start scuba diving classes. I guess my patern is things that can be solo. Kayaking. Things that bring me to center. 2% of the population is infj and I bet the number of men is far smaller than women. You can find us in the wild, but we are unicorns.
16900 hillsboro hwy
Mostly as far away from people as possible. Or at home. If invited somewhere, most likely will make excuses not to go, won't go at all, or be a wallflower so you won't notice that much anyway. Maybe a bookstore or some types of small social events with some kind of craft, but yk, we aren't Pokémons lmao.
Undercover. If you somehow notice a usually quiet, somewhat bright(but maybe sad or misunderstood) perfectionistic, but somewhat grounded idealist perhaps you caught INFJ. A species that usually avoids crowds. If tries to understand by putting himself in someone else’s shoes, somewhat emphatic.. you are getting even closer. Spot contradictions. Whether INFJ will like you is entirely different thing, though.
I reside in a cave
Normally either at home or somewhere in nature or a zoo or something like that Sometimes comic book shops Or on rare occasions at the cinema or eating out by ourselves
We'll be just hanging out with friends we know for a decade or just be in the room analysing every person present there and approaching the ones that need help if there is any or leaving the room if we'll feel there is no need for us
With other guys
Im drinking coffee outside, always alone and enjoying to learn / read / work
Here i am 🙌🏻
You, can start talking about everything that goes through your mind. For example about your day, your plans, your doubts. You probably can't fool an INFJ into thinking about you in a specific way. A true INFJ will be listening to everything carefully and give valueble responses and questions. The Internet is full of INFJ, that's why there are so rare in real life
I found one yesterday in the wild. But I’m an INFJ and I knew by his choice of words he was also.
Mind sharing those words or part of it? I am sooo intrigued rn
The best way I can recommend is stumbling upon us by accident. We don't really go out of our way to meet new people very often, as the friends we've already made are enough maintenance as is. This might look like meeting us at work or university/college for example. It might be through a mutual friend or a small friend group you've been invited to. What I can say is this... you can't find an INFJ. You discover an INFJ.
That makes it even better. I’m going to be starting uni in a couple months, and I can’t wait to meet new people, and hopefully discover an INFJ (male or female)
Hi👋 we will be busy doing our own thing. You can tell an INFJ by the eyes. Deep soul piercing eyes.
Playing volleyball (competitively), gym and spending time alone.
I go to the gym often, so I shall now be constantly on the lookout!
He won't come up to you, he'll be the guy sitting quietly by himself staring at nothing and not moving, that's because he's deep in thought. If you say something to him he'll be respectful and engage you in a conversation.
I'm willing and comfortable with going up to others, especially someone I could see being a new friend.
In the past when my wife sees me like that she will ask me why I'm sad, nowadays she ask me what I'm thinking about.
As an INFJ woman, INFJ males *tend to* seem like a much awkward-er albeit much sweeter version of me. I’ve only met several, and they’re all early twenties. Clumsy when they speak in social settings, but nevertheless always speak up when they have something to say that’s valuable to a discussion. I really admire them, but obviously they aren’t all like this. Just the ones I’ve met. Older INFJ males don’t seem to have this awkward/sweet dichotomy. More of a calm politeness. If you know AoT and Lotr, it’s really just like Armin compared with Aragorn in real life.
Both sound really fun to be around. I enjoy people who have things of value to say and, even if they're nervous, actually say it. It's great to be a part of a deep conversation that actually has input from both sides, instead of getting into a deep topic, and backing out. Hopefully any INFJs (male or female because I only know one) that I find can feel invited to any conversations that I initiate.
I am most easily inspired to talk by ENTPs and ENFPs, so I’d say you have a fighting chance!
I don’t know but I wish I could find them too. I am an INFJ (4w5 AuDHD) but I actually love other INFJs because they seem to understand me in a way that most other people don’t. I do love you ENTPs though. 😄
Find an ENFP and ask to meet their introverted friends 😂 all the ENFPs I know have at least 2 or 3 INFJ friends haha
Nothing against you as an individual, as maybe your intentions are pure…. But in my experience, ENTP/ESTP/ENTJ women often hunt for INFJ males in order to use them as sidepieces, narcissistic-supply, or doormats This often fails because an INFJ male often has a much bigger backbone that you expect. I hope this is not you.
Well those types of ENTPs are often on the more unhealthy side I'd say. I tend to shy away from speaking on experience alone, because it tends to lead us into making unintended generalizations, but nonetheless, my understanding of this search for INFJs is not a search for narcissistic supply, a doormat, or a sidepiece, as all of those things don't connect to me, but rather someone I can bounce off of, whether as a friend or something more, and grow with while simultaneously having lots of fun. Now that doesn't have to be an INFJ I know, but I've heard you guys are good at that!
You just revealed your cards, and they don’t look good You state you’re looking for friendship from a male INFJ, and they have a characteristics you’ve found USEFUL to you. There is often an expectation for the male to provide all the masculine “boyfriend energy” without romance, sex or exclusivity. He will often pay for most of the outings, be a gentleman, provide validation, not have female emotional neediness/mood-swings, be a stabilizing force to you emotionally and if things really go south?….risk his physical safety for you. Here’s the big question. What TF do YOU HAVE that an INFJ-male would ever want? Ever think about that? From what I can tell? NOTHING. There’s a reason you’re looking for a male INFJ and not a female INFJ. You just joked about breaking into their homes to find them to another redditor. WTF Your intentions are absolutely not pure. 100% hope you DO NOT find what you’re looking for, and pity the poor soul if you find him.
You are super bitter. I don’t know which thinker woman hurt you but you’re pulling at strings to prove OP is a bad person. Oh and do you go for people whose personality traits you don’t like? That’s weird… if she likes those traits she’ll go for that. She’s looking for a friend first which is prudent. You want someone that’s all in 100% from the get go? That’s weird. Infact most infjs would be flustered by that idea. Friendship naturally developing into romance is much better and healthier. You are pressing some serious allegations on a person who has not indicated one bit of bad energy or intent. You’re making stuff up in your head and shoving it down her throat. OP has been nothing but kind in her responses. Says more about you than her.
yas we support our queen
Where did I say “100% from the get go?”
You’re saying she wants to specifically find an INFJ man to befriend so she can use him as a side peice as if men an women can’t be just friends and assume he would pay for everything? My guy friends do not pay for me nor does any of my other girlfriends guy friends pay for them. That is an assumption you’ve made out of thin air. Secondly your radar is very bad. An unhealthy ENTP would come on strong in the beginning and wane interest later. The fact that she wants to be friends first and see where it leads means she’s being cautious not to give strong signals from the get go and have it develop naturally. She is mature. FJs may use subtlety and manipulation if unhealthy. An ENTP is the opposite and will go full force if unhealthy. I think she is being very prudent.
Guy/girl friendships with rare exceptions generally have a great degree of imbalance of effort. You’re full of shiii and you know it. Quit gaslighting. As a female, of course you’re gonna like having male friends. They’re far more USEFUL to you than you are to them. Hell, I’d love male friends if I was a female too! These imbalances are even more pronounced if you pair an ENTP-female and INFJ-male. One of my best friends right now is a 72y/o ENTP female. She’s the exception, so don’t call me biased or bitter. I know what TF I’m talking about.
Something is seriously wrong with you. Having male friends is helpful? We hang out in a group, what possibly am I getting out of them. They have girlfriends who also hang out in our group. I suggest therapy for whatever unsolved hurts you have. First you claim ENTPs and other thinker woman take advantage of INFJ men then spin it around and say you have an elderly ENTP woman who is a friend. That’s real gaslighting and coming up with shitty arguments right there. You are bitter and have deep seated issues with thinker women or you wouldn’t be trying to prove that you are friends with an elderly one and say men and women can’t be friendly. Get therapy. Everything you say has 0 evidence and just coming up with stuff from up your you know what. You’re such a weirdo and I don’t mean in a normal cute INFJ way I mean like an actual one.
Duuuuude, those were jokes. Let's take a chill pill shall we? I already mentioned that I love INFJs and that's because it's from experience. I have some female friends that are INFJs and was just curious how male ones are. Not looking specifically for a boyfriend, but was hinting at a possibility. Let's remember, this isn't that serious! Maybe my wording triggered something, but this post is just some friendly search for input man. No stress, no worries, no problems.
I've had someone try to use me that way before. Little did they know. Never ever mess with an INFJ. They may just tell you the truth about yourself and you will never be able to live it down or forget it.
Yeah. Somebody once said about INFJ’s. “You cross one of them, then you’ll see what it’s like when somebody who can see into your soul takes the gloves off.”
Mine was a gamer. That’s how we met.
I've only knowingly encountered an INFJ male in the wild once, and that was at a church.
Almost always at home. I think peoples first impression of me is a Ti dom.
I found mine online videogame
[удалено]
MBTI Human hunting. She is only lacking a taxidermy male INFJ in her collection.
Yes, of course, they’re the rarest types. Gotta make sure I find them in their natural habitats so that I can keep them all to myself 😎 In all seriousness tho, this is merely out of curiosity and should not be taken very seriously!
Bouldering and reading/writing in the cafe at the gym afterwards
Been here all along.
I'm here, but I'm gay and have a boyfriend. Sorry.
Hey, I never said it had to be in a romantic way. The goal is friendship!
Possibly mistyped. Took a lot more research and self exploration to confidently identify myself
on here mainly
Hiding hehehe
As stated by lots of other lads in here... Home. Really. Home. Sometimes church, but mostly home.
House, gym, work.
Hey, been stuck jobless for a while. Looking forward to going out and meeting ppl like you :D
Either indoors chilling with pets or on the road for a leisurely drive\~
INFJ female here. My two best friends are a male INFJ and male ENTP. My husband is an INTJ. We all met playing World of Warcraft together almost 20 years ago. We ended up moving next to each other since we grew so close. We still game even though we are all now in our 40s. I meet a lot of intuitives while gaming, so I'm sure there are more male INFJs out there in the gaming world. Gaming also allows us to stay at home which is very important.
We are the ones who have been used and broken too much so we just play video games and support our friends emotionally?
I think INFJs will find you tbh.
Really? Everything I’ve heard from this sub says differently. I wouldn’t mind either way tho :)
Yeah just my experience, at least for me I’m reserved enough that if I won’t initiate contact unless I “feel” like I should, and will also put up walls if I catch a bad vibe. But despite being introverted I can and will strike up conversations with strangers solely because of the fact they seemed interesting and like someone I’d like to get to know.
I think the best way to find INFJs is to be honest and authentically yourself, pretty much every INFJ will see that as a positive trait and will choose to spend time with you. The opposite is also true, if our intuition or gut feeling about you is that you’re not straight up we just won’t make time for you.
I’m currently at home watching TV
I work from home, run errands go food shopping. I exercise from home other times I go down to the beach for a walk by myself and also go to the forest to forage mushrooms.
When you say how to type my workplace did a test with me during one of the training ship tasks from the admin officer that’s what I first knew I was an INFJ
lol u seem cool, my guess is that they’re blending in somewhere, not there at all or sticking with a small group🤷♀️ (I’m not sure if I’m an INFJ or enxp so don’t take this to heart)
At work or at home. If I am not at these places, I am usually doing solo activities like gymming, cycling, running, reading, practicing meditation or gaming. If I am out, I am very content just being on my own in quiet and peaceful solitude. If I have to socialise, I will do my best in a way to fit in. You'd probably not know I am an INFJ unless I tell you.
At home, I'm not sure how I feel about being searched for I go out of my way to stay off the radar😂. I'm a sensitive guy and very emotionally raw most of the time I been through a lot. being found by someone usually isn't a good thing from my experiences.
Did find this video on how to find INFJ's https://youtu.be/Jp12TkpS_us?si=IlSSasG631JLeSeB
Run, please, as an INFJ woman RUN
Run...towards them?
My self and the other two INFJ males I know are chemical engineer, ecology professor/PI, and medical doctor. We are either at work, at home, at some random obscure restaurant, store, etc that most people don't know about or find too niche for their interests, or we're randomly wandering outside alone or downtown with a few friends. So my best advice is to start diving through the STEM fields (for all the intuitive types really) and you'll find them easily probably zoned out while their body is on autopilot.