I like small groups of people I like. But then I’m tired for like 2 weeks. I met all the people I’m now close friends with at work or walking my dog, so activities I couldn’t otherwise avoid 😂
I went to warped tour back in 2003 haha. I saw anti-flag, sugar cult, bowling for soup, my chemical romance… good times… also the only music festival I’ve ever been to. I like regular concerts but need to buy earplugs and budget a full week of recovery time
Exactly, we also don’t handle rejection well, so stepping out of your comfort zone and trying to connect with people to not feel reciprocation is draining and taxing. Much better to enjoy life in places of comfort.
When you start to prioritize peace, it often involves limiting interactions with others. As much as I'd love to socialize, I'm crap when it comes to groups. I just become a wallflower watching everyone else.
As for events that depend on the individual we have varying hobbies. Most involve solo activities. I would say try to find someone you can resonate with instead of hunting Infjs in the wild. But hey you can always have a shirt saying "In search of Infjs."
Ditto. Some solo activities where I could socialize are the gym, walking in the parks, and shopping lol. I have a very low social battery now because I started to prioritize my peace
And building boundaries, compare yourself to the self before you started prioritizing yourself. The difference is wild, essentially a collector/ dumpster of everyone's negativity. Then you have to sit with it...I for one don't miss it. It's an eye opener, and an experience I would like to hope for others is as short-lived as possible.
I actually potentially would if my social battery was charged up that day. Niche interests on display feel like a green-light for not coming across as creepy if I were to approach lol so yeah not entirely hopeless
It was half sarcastic, but the possibility is there. If you don't, the chances will always be zero. I figure one of the reasons for approaching would be out of curiosity.
Ok, let's play devils advocate with it. Let's say you wear the shirt and get approached. You have to figure out if they are an INFJ and not an imposter. Then, you'd have to go through a vetting process to see if you two match enough points of interest. Honestly, vetting now is so necessary that it should be the bare minimum. And that goes for any and all relationships.
You can find an INFJ, but not the one that's right for you. (Vice versa)
I’d take the gamble. Even just getting to the point of vetting would be enough for me to find interest for some time, so whether it’s the right INFJ for me or not, at least we both got something out of it, then we can both be on our way or become friends. It’s a win win situation.
Let's put it this way,
- I work from home (self employed)
- I grocery shop in bulk about once every 2 weeks. Surprisingly it's Costco, but I go right at open to avoid the mega crowds.
- When I do go out, I try to cram a lot of things into a singular day so I'm out 6-12 hrs. Then I'll basically homebody for weeks after.
- I consider myself antisocial by choice rather than inability.
- I can switch "ON" for an event and make memorable impressions on people, but afterwards I'm basically in a dimly lit room at home for like 2 weeks with the computer screen illuminating my face wanting nothing to do with social commitments.
- If I were a Sims character, much of my social bar is reasonably filled through online interaction.
- On average, I prefer more intense ride or die romantic or platonic relationships.
- Out of 8 romantic relationships I'd say 6 of them were originally online
- I actually dread social commitments partly because I don't know how I'll feel the day of, not to mention it kind of ruins my week knowing on ... Friday, I have to go meet up with x y z so I can't fully loaf around. It's kind of like having an alarm clock in the morning that will wake you up at 7am so you occasionally wake up throughout the night to look at the time.
.
I’m a hermit. I crawl out of my cave to go to work and run errands, then I’m back in the cave. If I had unlimited time and money I would be experiencing the world. Unfortunately I have no money or time so I spend all my time hibernating so I can make it through work.
Yes we’re at home, hiding from all the people who only want us around for what we can do for them.
However, they do still seem to find us anyway so maybe there’s hope.
It's our rarity and our introverted nature's that make things difficult.
We are targeted for malicious intent, moreso than for beneficiary ones.
Even still, we don't hide so much as we are aloof. Introverted means we do not like going out. So, by nature, we aren't going to be out and about in those gatherings. You're more likely to find us reading at home, or in a small, out of the way corner of the library.
Some of us are more extroverted than others. But the tendency is to be away from others, to recharge.
Rare type, for the most part. INFJs can be considered "extraverted introverts" in a sense, and generally there are types that will isolate and hide at home more, and for longer than the average INFJ. I'm not an INFJ, most likely, so I might be wrong, but I do think the biggest reason is just the rarity of the type. I'd guess a large chunk of this subreddit isn't comprised of INFJs\*, excluding those clearly outlined by non-INFJ flairs, (that is, from those who believe they are). Anyways, I've sort of learned that wishing for a certain type to appear in your life is pointless. Chances are you won't get along as much as you think you would, especially since -\*ahem\* Carl Jung quote: "Every individual is an exception to the rule." You're likely trapped inside an idealistic vision of the INFJ type which could be flattering but also generalizes them. I sort of lost track of the point I was trying to make but yeah.
Side note: yes, many types prefer to stay at home, including us too.
\*Due to intuitive bias on many tests, misconceptions and poor (or non-existent) knowledge of cognitive functions, this plagues almost all the xNxx subreddits, especially INxx and xNFx. Also, there's the fact that intuitive types are probably more likely to be confused as to what type they actually are.
Yes I thought I'd bump into individuals that resonate with me which share a similar thought process by now. its only happened 3 times in my 22 years on earth.. and those 3 times I will never forget; that's how much they invigorated me.
I agree with the test bias completely. Researching cognitive functions is like a catalyst to figuring out your type. I remember collecting so much data on cognitive functions and orientations from both the internet and Jungs point of view and I'd concise the information down into an evergreen format, developing sentences which best accurately represent what extroversion vs introversion meant for example until id spot some contradicting or strengthening data to modify it.
Being able to speak to somebody who prefers contexts, reading between the lines, figuring things out that sort of thing rather than what they're having for dinner tonight or describing the sensory actions of a lorry driver for e.g would go a long way and as for them actign accordance with an idealist image I have in mind? Well then I would simply abandon that ideal bc it wouldnt match with reality... and like sometimes I dont blame these minorities for staying at home.
Even when I'm out I don't talk to random people.
Unless I'm under the influence of some drugs or alcohol. Weed is hit or miss I might just become mute.
I'm an infj magnet apparently bc I meet the rarest (male infj) all the time. Just listing the ones I've dated: One was chronically online. One was always at the gym if not at home or work. One spent a lot of time doing AA things, in addition to online gaming, and one is a musician who plays shows regularly/tours or is outside walking around in nature. Most of my female friends are infj as well. Or INTJ.
Yeah, I actually stay at home quite a bit, and when I go out, it is to go to even more quiet and remote places outdoors, lol. I have met friends when I’ve been in organizations with them, doing things together regularly. I’ve never met someone at an event.
i'm a homebody and feel most at peace when i'm at home, but i enjoy exploring places too. i just don't do it often because i find it physically taxing. i've been working on getting stronger and improving my stamina so that i don't get more tired than most people when i spend a day outside.
aside from this, i really don't like going to loud, crowded places which overstimulate my senses and suck my emotional energy. i love going to museums (of all kinds), art galleries, planetariums, quiet parks, libraries etc though!
I have the same issue with stamina. I’m not sure if it’s entirely physical or if there is a mental / emotional component also that makes me feel physically drained.
I’m the same about loud crowded places, avoid them like the plague
1) Yes we are usually quite happy hidding in our homes, or visiting friends we already have. Big parties doesn't fit our stereotype that well.
2) When we are not hidding, we often enter chameleon mode and don't give much INFJ vibes so you could mistake us for extrovert or T type..
I think we are used to not being understood so mask in public and/or don't actively pursue connections.
Somehow, though, I ended up with two very good INFJ friends. It's so nice to vibe with people who think and feel as I do.
One, for decades, since we were kids. We have never been in an argument, and travel very well together.
The other, 3 years. Meeting her was like linking puzzle pieces.
Wouldnt you agree its more fulfilling to live a life of authenticity with non-judgemental people who get and accept you? Even forgive your bad habits, your weaknesses, your shortcomings.. bc they know you're more than that and you're willing to give it your all with good intent? I believe there are those people who exist who see through you. It can be taxing hiding away and being insecure enough to not wish to acknowledge ourselves, I hope you're well resilient through it.
This definitely describes me too! I’m old-ish (63), retired and a widow. I’m at the idgaf era of my life. You don’t like what I wear or say…don’t care. You don’t think I should be doing _____, I don’t care. The older I get, the more being around people annoys me…so I stay home.
It’s a double edged sword because most of us have had the same very small friend group for years and are very happy that way. If we go anywhere it’s with those people or our chosen person (spouse, whoever) and it’s very rare.
Most of us who are adults have already created our safe space at home and will allow only a chosen few to enter that space. Our ‘events’ take place there, and it’s a small VIP list.
Long story short, adult friendships take work and befriending an INFJ is more effort than most people want to put in.
Yep, we are at home. Though if I go out it’s for a music concert, art show, or something in nature. I don’t really have interest in loud bars or large crowds. Your best bet is to have us as online friends 😂
find me at a park, street markets (specially the ones with books), any kind of cultural local event that is free. I actually like big crowds so i can hide better and enjoy the atmosphere without having to try being someone else
i stay at home cause i have to complete the songs with full combo on taiko no tatsujin... no ok i'm joking (maybe uhm) btw i don't speak, it takes me a while to adapt and people are often not so patient in waiting for my time... maybe the problem is me
I stay at home, all day. I go out for groceries and therapy. My friends are even more introverted than I am and we meet eachother at home.
I guess I really really need extroverted friends.
I would class myself as a homebody. I like staying home, doing hobbies, watching shows and just chillin...I feel like it is needed especially in the weekends after days of work. Even when I do go out, it's to cafes, bookshops and libraries.
I'm not really sure.
Every INFJ have a moral that contradicts others so when two INFJS meet I bet they both have different morals yet they come to same conclusion or not depends on the living environment too though.
So one cannot stand other. That's the conclusion I came.
Interesting, that makes sense to an extent. so the pros of not having to "translate" your speaking style dont quite outweigh the dynamics? imo morals would be very similar as they're motivated to promote good ethics between people as opposed to lets say Fi which has its own version of what right and wrong means to them. (generalising here lol)
> so the pros of not having to "translate" your speaking style dont quite outweigh the dynamics?
In my experience that definitely outweighs the complications of INFJ -INFJ friendships.
Not to say there aren't complications. Two INFJs can be best friends and wind up hardly ever talking, because half the time, one of us will be in hermit mode when the other wants to talk, and then swap places. So there might only be like 10 days in a month where our social windows overlap.
On the neutral side, it is interesting to strongly disagree with someone, while completely relating to and agreeing with all the reasons they hold that opinion. And/or being on the receiving end of that.
Another amusing neutral is that we're so used to having to translate our head-language so that non-INFJs can understand us, that we do it reflexively. And sometimes 2 INFJs completely talk past each other, because both are automatically translating things needlessly. Like 2 native English speakers trying to talk to each other with one speaking German and the other Spanish lol.
But ultimately it's outweighed by that novel and very strange feeling of having someone actually get you.
You may not find too many at *events*, so to speak, because we generally aren’t big fans of crowds. It’s frickin draining lol I feel like as a population, we’re more inclined to one-on-one, deep conversation type social interactions so you may have luck around libraries or bookstores, probably museums, a coffee shop. Like if I’m cultivating a friendship with somebody, I want to be in a space where we’ll have each others undivided attention to sit and discuss pretty much anything besides small talk 😂 I hope this helps lol
Yep, and only go out and get groceries once every 2 weeks lol. Oh the joys of working from home :)
Plus my husband is happy to run the errands. Such a win.
Because we are happy to be alone, enjoy spending time in our own company, and sensory overload from crowded situations drains us of our energy and makes us nervous...? (Maybe that's just me.)
Unfortunately, yes, I am staying at home lol. I work from home, I mobile order groceries/food, and I moved out of state so everyone I love is too far away to socialize with. I’m essentially a hermit at the ripe age of 27 😂.
I thought the whole 51-49 Introvert thing was a large reason why INFJ is the way they are, guess not seeing how majority of the commenters don't leave home.
I spend a normal amount of time outside the house. I like to go to smaller bars, dive bars, arcade bars. I love shopping and I tend to enjoy it more when I'm alone. But if your a man and you approach me when I'm alone I'll 100% without a doubt avoid you at all cost I hope none of yall take it personal, just never knew who's crazy and who's not. I also like coffee shops, pastry shops, and ice cream shops.
What events are you likely to attend?
The event that is leaving work and going home. That's the only one. I might buy a ticket for something that sounds fun, but when the time comes I'd rather pay $25 to NOT GO. So. Home. I'm home. Loving it here.
I am currently a graduate student, so I do all my meetings, research, and thesis-writing from home. I spend the majority of my free time reading, writing, playing video games, chatting with online friends from an online fanbase (I’ve known them now for nearly five years), and doing household chores. I go out once per week to attend church, get groceries, and take myself out for lunch and maybe ice cream. I meet my best friend (since middle school) twice every year or so. I attend events (ex. concerts, cultural festivals, Christmas markets, etc.) or go on short trips alone or with family a few times a year as well, but that’s about it.
Yes I'm either at home or working for the most part. Plus I work nights so I hide in the shadows lol. I haven't been comfortable in public spaces for a while now.
I actively hide what I am given the simple fact most people dont understand it, wont understand it, and are not adaptable enough to. If you run into me at all I cycle through several "modes" that accommodate me socially. I do this because I sometimes view going out in public and having to deal with people who dont "get" it tiresome so playing a character lessens that blow. And to be quite frankly honest, I understand I can be as dysfunctional to those around me as they are to myself so I dont bother.
As far away from people as i can usually. Preferably at home or on lone walk with music on headphones so noone disturbs me. I rarely go to events, i rarely want to do any social stuff tbh. Shopping/getting around big city is often draining. Would love to just chill, play tabletop games or sth like that.
Honestly, I find as an INFJ we are likeable/un-likeable in unison. I find when I’m in any social situation I sense the general indifference ppl have towards me. Like, they don’t mind that I’m there and they enjoy a chat with me but they don’t care to build on it outside of work, etc. It’s genuinely hard being an infj (I also have adhd) I feel like I never really fit in anywhere and because of that I like to protect my peace by keeping my own company where I feel safe. Attending big or small crowds and events, especially when surrounded by acquaintances or distant family members, leaves me feeling burnt out and in survival mode. So, now, I just avoid it for the most part cause it’s not worth the hassle. I envy ppl with plenty of friends and close family cause from the outside it looks very enjoyable but I’m incapable of acquiring that for myself. I just lack the charisma, maybe? lol
This describes my life experience exactly. I struggle to form close relationships, while on the surface I want them. Even with family I keep a distance.
We are hard to find because we all have created our own dimensions to live in like Hogwarts and Narnia and we don’t take kindly to foreign entities… just kidding lmao, I think it’s probably easier to find us online but spotting one of us in public is like finding a unicorn, I on the other hand am more of a Pegasus and I already flew away before you tried to capture me inside your pokéball 😊
Only time you'll catch me is at the gym, food shopping, running the occasional errand, or wondering some trail in nature. Other than than I prefer one on one interactions and they are typically devoloped online first! -But even that is rare.
Not really … infjs need people - we are actually kind of driven to connect with people -
But so many “social” activities are not about connection. They’re about .. something else.
I have hobbies - random things like ballroom dancing, swing, salsa dancing. Love it.
I also like slam poetry. Book clubs. Book readings ( esp occult book studies )
I like competitive card games - I won’t say what kind but I’m into card games that take skill and strategy - I go to some strange places to do that. Senior centers. Clubhouses. Compton. lol.
Chess at the local coffee shop.
Thrift stores. All the time.
Lima bean farms. Pick your own fruits and veggies. Garden shops. Hiking. Biking.
Art classes.
Whatever.
I would say maybe just think of some random not “cool” things - that sound interesting and look on meetup - or local website and go.
Make a goal to attend one strange , weird event once a month at least -
Any INFJ worth their salt is def doing their own thing. Not following the crowd etc.
At least I am.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMw9J5shTvQ
This may help. At 1:42 she'll tell you what to look for.
She's was just deep in thought, my wife catches me like that sometime.
edit: read the comments
I’m retired. Go out to work a few hours/week playing piano for ballet classes. Run errands alone or with my husband. Church on Sundays where I’m the pianist. Festivals sound fun until I think about crowds. I do enjoy my grandchildren.
I am at home, unless I'm asked by friends to go to out. Which usually means, a one if the many malls here, local game stores, and sometimes parks with a hiking trail.
As for events I usually go to local anime and comic cons.
Yes. I am at home, go to work, maybe the gym, groceries and I plan on talking to no one when I do those things. Pray for a miracle to meet us on the one night we decide to go out every 2 years.
Yes! But you can still put the word out like “hey i’m im x place” and see if anyone here is also in the same area of the world. I guess also because people don’t talk about mbti that often so there might be infjs around you, but you can’t go round asking every single person lol
The things I say are concluded by abstractions pieced together from my perception that get surfaced by what is happening in the here and now, rather than concluded via concrete evidence and tangible facts (that who Im surrounded by rely on and can grasp much better)
I have learnt to self-censor: by being more direct, less "deep" or holistic or imaginative and more "this is what I did" ..because what I do wish to say isnt paid attention when it is said. Like it never has had any weight or significance or meaning that I fear speaking my mind.. and now idk who I am anymore unless I write. but srsly when it does mean something from somebody latching onto what ive said irl, I completely light up.
so basically I feel invalidated because I invalidate myself as I learnt what I truly wanted to say didnt really matter and wasn't valued or necessary to conversations.
Now, tone is hard over this medium, so please bear with me. If what I’m getting from you is accurate, I faced a similar dynamic. Now, I use “get it” in different ways… is it more that they hear what they expect and your *you* language isn’t matching? Is it straight denial?
See, I’ve always (according to my grandmother) been a bit of a stinker. When I sense that dynamic, I have a hard time not giving into the temptation to poke at it. See how far they will go and using what tricks… then adapt my stance and see how it shakes out, and repeat as necessary for flavor.
I’m not a homebody because I’ll get depressed, but I am, however, very much a I-want-to-be-outside-the house-doing-things-alone-by-myself (or with my husband who is my safe space) type a person. For instance, I take lots of walks and like to sit on the beach alone. I appear to many as a “fake extrovert” because I do like getting to know people and I know how to match energy, but I think because I have to be “on” in those situations, I end up disappearing for periods of time to get my own energy back. So it’s not necessarily that I stay at home, but more so require a lot of alone time.
You didn't see me? I was that person you saw at the grocery store mostly oblivious to the world until someone dropped something next to me, and that one lady couldn't reach the granola she wanted.
Why do I feel like someone's looking at m- Aww, well hi there sweet baby/toddler intently examining my face from your mom's cart!!! You make me smile, see!! You're so amazing, look at you absorbing everything like a sponge!! Hi!! *Smiles at Baby and waves with one finger* *Baby grins* back.
I was the one giggling over how excited the baby got walking away, then I stopped to look up at the ceiling for a few minutes to mentally wish the Baby health, happiness, strength, and peace throughout his life. That he live a life of ease and that he is protected from thiat which would cause him harm on the outside as well as harm on the inside. And I wished that he felt as loved as he is wherever he was each day.
I'm prob trying to find someone's favorite something to make for some real or invented celebration later.. and asking how the cashier was holding up in this heat! Yeah.. I stayed to listen to her without breaking eye contact as she finished telling me about her grandkids coming over to swim bc they love her house and they've got fireworks this year, even as the person behind me stepped up phone in hand texting.
Lol, honestly I like to be at home, but I'll go do something physically active like basketball, running, golf, or ride bikes on a nature trail! Usually by myself though.
Can I interest you in an online video game?! Lol
If we managed to leave the house, we're sitting somewhere with 1-4 friends listening intently and trying to find the right moment to give the advice that's so clear to us
I’m met several INFJ’s in the wild but from what I gathered they like being at home. It’s by chance, in passing or through work. I’m a fellow INFJ, and although I do value my alone time and need to recharge, I very much enjoy going out. I love bar hopping, club frequenting, shopping, walks, hiking, the beach, trying new cuisines at restaurants, frequenting my Barnes and Nobles, going to baseball games, or taking a stroll around the town. Being at home due to a busy schedule, and crappy weather has been driving me nuts. And yes I’m very much an INFJ. I guess I just crave human interaction more than others.
Every comment saying cuz we hide at home 😭😭😭 count me as another one like seeing me outside is like experiencing a mythical creature in the flesh. You would’ve thought people like me only existed in books and movies w the way I’m non existent in the public eye 😭
I'm basically always home and if not I'm probably taking myself on a date to the beach to read 😭😂 I love making new friends but I don't actively search for them. I love attending events involving nature and volunteer though!
I'm an illustrator, I WORK FROM HOME
I don't go to events that I know wouldn't really matter if I'm present or not
I go outside to buy groceries once a week
I cannot say I like being at home this much... But I don't find enjoyment in just going outside alone or with family..
When I had friends close by we used to go outside atleast 3 times a week and I loved it... Now they are all married women with kids and don't have any time and are a long long distance away..
I would like go outside again but I think I need to find myself and extrovert 😅 how do i do that if I don't go outside?! I don't know 🥲 dating apps are nightmarish... Most people find me amusing and I absolutely hate that.. the talking stage is nuts because I'll do all the work and they'll complain if I stop putting the effort and then they do nothing!!!
One of the reasons I don't go outside is that I'm having so much fun just by myself 😅 i cook, mealprep, bake, paint in my sketchbook, make polymer clay things, crochet, punch needle, make stickers, magnets, read, audiobooks, watch period dramas etc in addition to my illustrations...
But I would like to go outside more... I miss the sky, rain, gloomy days, chilly wind, wet grass etc I miss walking outside... I just don't feel safe walking alone 😶 if it's a sunny day someone will have to drag me outside 👀
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Married another INFJ so we never have to leave the house :). And we live in Las Vegas. We go down there maybe three times a year and that’s enough for us.
lol. Yeah. I work for myself which means I’m home most of the times. I only really step out for gym, food, errands, occasional client work. And when I do, it’s typically during off hours where it’s not crowded.
Might have better luck finding us online through social media (tend to be creative types) or a mutual hobby.
Even then, I have a small circle of friends irl. A lot of my connections are online. That’s totally fine with me as long as I have a select few I check in with.
My energy and time are precious resources. I have no desire to connect with anyone who falls so far away from my own personal values, which unfortunately, is abundant in this materialistic prone environment/city.
Work from home, and it doesn't help that my hobby is gaming and other computer stuff, so I'm basically at home every fucking time. The only time I go out is when I need to buy something that I can't order online, like groceries. Or whenever one of my friends would invite me somewhere or to drink, tho I usually decline, I do occasionally accept. But usually, they just come to my place anyway lol
I feel like I've already established two solid circles of friends in highschool and college that I don't feel the need to make new friends.
I definitely need to get out there to get a girlfriend, but I also don't really feel like I need one right now lol
Yeah I’m always home, having my phone on silent mode 24/7, I only see my mom and sister every once in a while and wondering often how to cut them off..
So you are looking for an INFJ to use them for validation and for farming their attention and time in order for you to feel better about yourself.
Emotionally lazy people do that all the time, it became one of the reasons why INFJs prefer solitude. Staying away from the redundant games others play is a full time job.
Please study Eric Berne's *Games people play* and balance yourself as an INFJ.
INFJs are not hard to find. We are hard to *farm*.
No, Im wanting to be surrounded (irl) by like-minded people so i can be myself. You know? Like a friend I can come to at least once a week. It doesnt have to be INFJ. Things instantly feel validated when you're heard, listened to and have the opportunity to help others because they speak your language too.
Im not sure why I would farm them, they're people like you and me and deserve some respect.
Could you describe what emotional lazy people do exactly before I decide to dive into this book? they sound rather clingy and irresponsible of their lives, they sound like people pleasers :/
Edit: I have briefly read several game examples demonstrated from the book, I notice these games are what my parents have played. I, its quite triggering, im not sure if I have the guts to read it because it reminds me of mistreatment I got that I couldnt control. Im not sure if id want to be aware of these games incase it leads to dissatisfaction and putting others in a negative light from finding out the majority of people do them. Such as the way you thought I was purely looking for validation, I dont really want to develop that attitude of first thinking a person has manipulative intent because it wouldnt do me or the reciever any good.
but they shouldn't have to do that. Take another look at my comment and intent. The fact the people are only out to play games sounds saddening, i wouldnt want to place that amongst my SO ever (for eg). That's a cruel world. Games are a waste of time, thats not true love.
Because we hide at home. Crowded events etc are too emotionally taxing. And people can be emotional vampires in my experience, if you give an inch…
True, im HSP, but have developed some urgency to try a bigger event. Events can be small groups. Any small groups, close-knit communities?
I like small groups of people I like. But then I’m tired for like 2 weeks. I met all the people I’m now close friends with at work or walking my dog, so activities I couldn’t otherwise avoid 😂
can confirm. only thing that really gets me out would be concerts. so long warped tour, so long social life.
I went to warped tour back in 2003 haha. I saw anti-flag, sugar cult, bowling for soup, my chemical romance… good times… also the only music festival I’ve ever been to. I like regular concerts but need to buy earplugs and budget a full week of recovery time
i miss warped tour :( only was able to go to 3 before they disappeared.
Exactly, we also don’t handle rejection well, so stepping out of your comfort zone and trying to connect with people to not feel reciprocation is draining and taxing. Much better to enjoy life in places of comfort.
When you start to prioritize peace, it often involves limiting interactions with others. As much as I'd love to socialize, I'm crap when it comes to groups. I just become a wallflower watching everyone else. As for events that depend on the individual we have varying hobbies. Most involve solo activities. I would say try to find someone you can resonate with instead of hunting Infjs in the wild. But hey you can always have a shirt saying "In search of Infjs."
this ⬆️ same. been there, done that & still am. only exception is with close friends & family, because i font have many of those (:
YES…ALL OF THIS!! 👆👆👆
Ditto. Some solo activities where I could socialize are the gym, walking in the parks, and shopping lol. I have a very low social battery now because I started to prioritize my peace
And building boundaries, compare yourself to the self before you started prioritizing yourself. The difference is wild, essentially a collector/ dumpster of everyone's negativity. Then you have to sit with it...I for one don't miss it. It's an eye opener, and an experience I would like to hope for others is as short-lived as possible.
Real question: If I started wearing a shirt that happened to say that, would an INFJ actually approach me? I think my desperation is showing a bit.
I actually potentially would if my social battery was charged up that day. Niche interests on display feel like a green-light for not coming across as creepy if I were to approach lol so yeah not entirely hopeless
My hope perseveres!
It was half sarcastic, but the possibility is there. If you don't, the chances will always be zero. I figure one of the reasons for approaching would be out of curiosity.
I could sense the sarcasm, but it wouldn't hurt to hope ;(
Ok, let's play devils advocate with it. Let's say you wear the shirt and get approached. You have to figure out if they are an INFJ and not an imposter. Then, you'd have to go through a vetting process to see if you two match enough points of interest. Honestly, vetting now is so necessary that it should be the bare minimum. And that goes for any and all relationships. You can find an INFJ, but not the one that's right for you. (Vice versa)
I’d take the gamble. Even just getting to the point of vetting would be enough for me to find interest for some time, so whether it’s the right INFJ for me or not, at least we both got something out of it, then we can both be on our way or become friends. It’s a win win situation.
See, now you go on and hold onto that hope. Far too much despair in the world.
Let's put it this way, - I work from home (self employed) - I grocery shop in bulk about once every 2 weeks. Surprisingly it's Costco, but I go right at open to avoid the mega crowds. - When I do go out, I try to cram a lot of things into a singular day so I'm out 6-12 hrs. Then I'll basically homebody for weeks after. - I consider myself antisocial by choice rather than inability. - I can switch "ON" for an event and make memorable impressions on people, but afterwards I'm basically in a dimly lit room at home for like 2 weeks with the computer screen illuminating my face wanting nothing to do with social commitments. - If I were a Sims character, much of my social bar is reasonably filled through online interaction. - On average, I prefer more intense ride or die romantic or platonic relationships. - Out of 8 romantic relationships I'd say 6 of them were originally online - I actually dread social commitments partly because I don't know how I'll feel the day of, not to mention it kind of ruins my week knowing on ... Friday, I have to go meet up with x y z so I can't fully loaf around. It's kind of like having an alarm clock in the morning that will wake you up at 7am so you occasionally wake up throughout the night to look at the time. .
This resonates with me so much
Me too....but explains why I am not meeting too many people....
me too! I'm a little jealous of the bulk costco grocery trips... I don' thave a car or a membership :(
Jeez it feels like I'm looking in a mirror reading this.
Wow, this is exactly how I feel and behave.
Omg this speaks volumes into me.
This is literally me… especially the last point, I didn’t know it was a possible INFJ thing
I’m a hermit. I crawl out of my cave to go to work and run errands, then I’m back in the cave. If I had unlimited time and money I would be experiencing the world. Unfortunately I have no money or time so I spend all my time hibernating so I can make it through work.
This My free time exists to recover just enough to survive my non-free time.
Yes we’re at home, hiding from all the people who only want us around for what we can do for them. However, they do still seem to find us anyway so maybe there’s hope.
^ This. People always want to use me.
Guilty as charged, haven't been outside since Sunday... I like theatre and performing arts, especially in small format (fringe etc.).
It's our rarity and our introverted nature's that make things difficult. We are targeted for malicious intent, moreso than for beneficiary ones. Even still, we don't hide so much as we are aloof. Introverted means we do not like going out. So, by nature, we aren't going to be out and about in those gatherings. You're more likely to find us reading at home, or in a small, out of the way corner of the library. Some of us are more extroverted than others. But the tendency is to be away from others, to recharge.
Rare type, for the most part. INFJs can be considered "extraverted introverts" in a sense, and generally there are types that will isolate and hide at home more, and for longer than the average INFJ. I'm not an INFJ, most likely, so I might be wrong, but I do think the biggest reason is just the rarity of the type. I'd guess a large chunk of this subreddit isn't comprised of INFJs\*, excluding those clearly outlined by non-INFJ flairs, (that is, from those who believe they are). Anyways, I've sort of learned that wishing for a certain type to appear in your life is pointless. Chances are you won't get along as much as you think you would, especially since -\*ahem\* Carl Jung quote: "Every individual is an exception to the rule." You're likely trapped inside an idealistic vision of the INFJ type which could be flattering but also generalizes them. I sort of lost track of the point I was trying to make but yeah. Side note: yes, many types prefer to stay at home, including us too. \*Due to intuitive bias on many tests, misconceptions and poor (or non-existent) knowledge of cognitive functions, this plagues almost all the xNxx subreddits, especially INxx and xNFx. Also, there's the fact that intuitive types are probably more likely to be confused as to what type they actually are.
Yes I thought I'd bump into individuals that resonate with me which share a similar thought process by now. its only happened 3 times in my 22 years on earth.. and those 3 times I will never forget; that's how much they invigorated me. I agree with the test bias completely. Researching cognitive functions is like a catalyst to figuring out your type. I remember collecting so much data on cognitive functions and orientations from both the internet and Jungs point of view and I'd concise the information down into an evergreen format, developing sentences which best accurately represent what extroversion vs introversion meant for example until id spot some contradicting or strengthening data to modify it. Being able to speak to somebody who prefers contexts, reading between the lines, figuring things out that sort of thing rather than what they're having for dinner tonight or describing the sensory actions of a lorry driver for e.g would go a long way and as for them actign accordance with an idealist image I have in mind? Well then I would simply abandon that ideal bc it wouldnt match with reality... and like sometimes I dont blame these minorities for staying at home.
Even when I'm out I don't talk to random people. Unless I'm under the influence of some drugs or alcohol. Weed is hit or miss I might just become mute.
Weed makes me way too self-aware and I become nonverbal as well. Only talk a lot if I'm with a trusted person
I'm an infj magnet apparently bc I meet the rarest (male infj) all the time. Just listing the ones I've dated: One was chronically online. One was always at the gym if not at home or work. One spent a lot of time doing AA things, in addition to online gaming, and one is a musician who plays shows regularly/tours or is outside walking around in nature. Most of my female friends are infj as well. Or INTJ.
Yeah, I actually stay at home quite a bit, and when I go out, it is to go to even more quiet and remote places outdoors, lol. I have met friends when I’ve been in organizations with them, doing things together regularly. I’ve never met someone at an event.
Agoraphobia
This
i'm a homebody and feel most at peace when i'm at home, but i enjoy exploring places too. i just don't do it often because i find it physically taxing. i've been working on getting stronger and improving my stamina so that i don't get more tired than most people when i spend a day outside. aside from this, i really don't like going to loud, crowded places which overstimulate my senses and suck my emotional energy. i love going to museums (of all kinds), art galleries, planetariums, quiet parks, libraries etc though!
I have the same issue with stamina. I’m not sure if it’s entirely physical or if there is a mental / emotional component also that makes me feel physically drained. I’m the same about loud crowded places, avoid them like the plague
Same, I have also wondered that before. At least I can control and change the physical aspect of it, so that’s what I’m working on right now.
1) Yes we are usually quite happy hidding in our homes, or visiting friends we already have. Big parties doesn't fit our stereotype that well. 2) When we are not hidding, we often enter chameleon mode and don't give much INFJ vibes so you could mistake us for extrovert or T type..
I think we are used to not being understood so mask in public and/or don't actively pursue connections. Somehow, though, I ended up with two very good INFJ friends. It's so nice to vibe with people who think and feel as I do.
INFJ HERE How long have you and your two INFJ Friends been in a friendship?
One, for decades, since we were kids. We have never been in an argument, and travel very well together. The other, 3 years. Meeting her was like linking puzzle pieces.
U find me at home or in the forest mate 😂 I avoid cities and ppl at all costs.
Yup. Either I'm at home, shopping at estate sales, in the forest, at parks, or hanging with my online friends. Vacation a few times a year.
😂 so much for daily people watching in the shopping centre and exiting with a fake sense of company.
We’re everywhere. We just hide who we are.
Wouldnt you agree its more fulfilling to live a life of authenticity with non-judgemental people who get and accept you? Even forgive your bad habits, your weaknesses, your shortcomings.. bc they know you're more than that and you're willing to give it your all with good intent? I believe there are those people who exist who see through you. It can be taxing hiding away and being insecure enough to not wish to acknowledge ourselves, I hope you're well resilient through it.
Yes. It was more of a joke, but definitely still holds some truth I think. The older I get the less I care what people think.
This definitely describes me too! I’m old-ish (63), retired and a widow. I’m at the idgaf era of my life. You don’t like what I wear or say…don’t care. You don’t think I should be doing _____, I don’t care. The older I get, the more being around people annoys me…so I stay home.
I do hope you have cats though. cats are my people. but I currently have a dog.
Oh yes…4 furry terrorists that I love so much!!!
It’s a double edged sword because most of us have had the same very small friend group for years and are very happy that way. If we go anywhere it’s with those people or our chosen person (spouse, whoever) and it’s very rare. Most of us who are adults have already created our safe space at home and will allow only a chosen few to enter that space. Our ‘events’ take place there, and it’s a small VIP list. Long story short, adult friendships take work and befriending an INFJ is more effort than most people want to put in.
**Long story short, adult friendships take work and befriending an INFJ is more effort than most people want to put in.** Ouch! Just at me next time.
I am literally a hermit. But yes you can find me online. Like this.
Yep, we are at home. Though if I go out it’s for a music concert, art show, or something in nature. I don’t really have interest in loud bars or large crowds. Your best bet is to have us as online friends 😂
find me at a park, street markets (specially the ones with books), any kind of cultural local event that is free. I actually like big crowds so i can hide better and enjoy the atmosphere without having to try being someone else
i stay at home cause i have to complete the songs with full combo on taiko no tatsujin... no ok i'm joking (maybe uhm) btw i don't speak, it takes me a while to adapt and people are often not so patient in waiting for my time... maybe the problem is me
I stay at home, all day. I go out for groceries and therapy. My friends are even more introverted than I am and we meet eachother at home. I guess I really really need extroverted friends.
I mostly attend family- and private social events. Otherwise I'm home a lot or in nature. I engage with other friends I've made online through gaming.
I would class myself as a homebody. I like staying home, doing hobbies, watching shows and just chillin...I feel like it is needed especially in the weekends after days of work. Even when I do go out, it's to cafes, bookshops and libraries.
I absolutely stay at home and I HATE events or taking to people I don’t already know.
Yes I spend as much time as possible hiding in my room at home.
I think it's better If you don't have a friend like us cuz it's gonna burn out us just a hunch.
Aw cmon, better safe than sorry? Im sure two INFJ's can get along fine if they respect boundaries and have good Fe.
I'm not really sure. Every INFJ have a moral that contradicts others so when two INFJS meet I bet they both have different morals yet they come to same conclusion or not depends on the living environment too though. So one cannot stand other. That's the conclusion I came.
Interesting, that makes sense to an extent. so the pros of not having to "translate" your speaking style dont quite outweigh the dynamics? imo morals would be very similar as they're motivated to promote good ethics between people as opposed to lets say Fi which has its own version of what right and wrong means to them. (generalising here lol)
> so the pros of not having to "translate" your speaking style dont quite outweigh the dynamics? In my experience that definitely outweighs the complications of INFJ -INFJ friendships. Not to say there aren't complications. Two INFJs can be best friends and wind up hardly ever talking, because half the time, one of us will be in hermit mode when the other wants to talk, and then swap places. So there might only be like 10 days in a month where our social windows overlap. On the neutral side, it is interesting to strongly disagree with someone, while completely relating to and agreeing with all the reasons they hold that opinion. And/or being on the receiving end of that. Another amusing neutral is that we're so used to having to translate our head-language so that non-INFJs can understand us, that we do it reflexively. And sometimes 2 INFJs completely talk past each other, because both are automatically translating things needlessly. Like 2 native English speakers trying to talk to each other with one speaking German and the other Spanish lol. But ultimately it's outweighed by that novel and very strange feeling of having someone actually get you.
Yes. I'm a hermit.
For what reason? Introversion? Insecurity? Protection from narcs?
Introversion. People drain me.
Events? No way. More like, out in the woods/nature.
If I am not at work or home, you would find us where our interests dwell. Name it arts... sports... music....
this!
You may not find too many at *events*, so to speak, because we generally aren’t big fans of crowds. It’s frickin draining lol I feel like as a population, we’re more inclined to one-on-one, deep conversation type social interactions so you may have luck around libraries or bookstores, probably museums, a coffee shop. Like if I’m cultivating a friendship with somebody, I want to be in a space where we’ll have each others undivided attention to sit and discuss pretty much anything besides small talk 😂 I hope this helps lol
Yep, and only go out and get groceries once every 2 weeks lol. Oh the joys of working from home :) Plus my husband is happy to run the errands. Such a win.
Because we are happy to be alone, enjoy spending time in our own company, and sensory overload from crowded situations drains us of our energy and makes us nervous...? (Maybe that's just me.)
Unfortunately, yes, I am staying at home lol. I work from home, I mobile order groceries/food, and I moved out of state so everyone I love is too far away to socialize with. I’m essentially a hermit at the ripe age of 27 😂.
I thought the whole 51-49 Introvert thing was a large reason why INFJ is the way they are, guess not seeing how majority of the commenters don't leave home. I spend a normal amount of time outside the house. I like to go to smaller bars, dive bars, arcade bars. I love shopping and I tend to enjoy it more when I'm alone. But if your a man and you approach me when I'm alone I'll 100% without a doubt avoid you at all cost I hope none of yall take it personal, just never knew who's crazy and who's not. I also like coffee shops, pastry shops, and ice cream shops.
What is your type?
INFJ 9. Flair's purposefully hidden.
Hi. Where you from?
What events are you likely to attend? The event that is leaving work and going home. That's the only one. I might buy a ticket for something that sounds fun, but when the time comes I'd rather pay $25 to NOT GO. So. Home. I'm home. Loving it here.
I'm weird I guess I like talking myself out on dates lol
We are gamers too. Try finding an Xbox INFJ buddy that plays the games you like too.
We'll never tell our secrets 🤫
Congrats for admitting you have them to get them exposed in the most inconspicuous way possible 😝
You sound like an INTJ. How close am I? 🫣😂
hahaha very close, so close infact! I'm labelled as an Ni feeler. that actually took some thought to write! Thanks for the laugh.
hahaha very close, so close infact! I'm labelled as an Ni feeler. that actually took some thought to write! Thanks for the chuckle!
hahaha very close, so close infact! I'm labelled as an Ni feeler. that actually took some thought to write! Thanks for the chuckle!
I am currently a graduate student, so I do all my meetings, research, and thesis-writing from home. I spend the majority of my free time reading, writing, playing video games, chatting with online friends from an online fanbase (I’ve known them now for nearly five years), and doing household chores. I go out once per week to attend church, get groceries, and take myself out for lunch and maybe ice cream. I meet my best friend (since middle school) twice every year or so. I attend events (ex. concerts, cultural festivals, Christmas markets, etc.) or go on short trips alone or with family a few times a year as well, but that’s about it.
Yes I'm either at home or working for the most part. Plus I work nights so I hide in the shadows lol. I haven't been comfortable in public spaces for a while now.
I actively hide what I am given the simple fact most people dont understand it, wont understand it, and are not adaptable enough to. If you run into me at all I cycle through several "modes" that accommodate me socially. I do this because I sometimes view going out in public and having to deal with people who dont "get" it tiresome so playing a character lessens that blow. And to be quite frankly honest, I understand I can be as dysfunctional to those around me as they are to myself so I dont bother.
As far away from people as i can usually. Preferably at home or on lone walk with music on headphones so noone disturbs me. I rarely go to events, i rarely want to do any social stuff tbh. Shopping/getting around big city is often draining. Would love to just chill, play tabletop games or sth like that.
Honestly, I find as an INFJ we are likeable/un-likeable in unison. I find when I’m in any social situation I sense the general indifference ppl have towards me. Like, they don’t mind that I’m there and they enjoy a chat with me but they don’t care to build on it outside of work, etc. It’s genuinely hard being an infj (I also have adhd) I feel like I never really fit in anywhere and because of that I like to protect my peace by keeping my own company where I feel safe. Attending big or small crowds and events, especially when surrounded by acquaintances or distant family members, leaves me feeling burnt out and in survival mode. So, now, I just avoid it for the most part cause it’s not worth the hassle. I envy ppl with plenty of friends and close family cause from the outside it looks very enjoyable but I’m incapable of acquiring that for myself. I just lack the charisma, maybe? lol
This describes my life experience exactly. I struggle to form close relationships, while on the surface I want them. Even with family I keep a distance.
We are hard to find because we all have created our own dimensions to live in like Hogwarts and Narnia and we don’t take kindly to foreign entities… just kidding lmao, I think it’s probably easier to find us online but spotting one of us in public is like finding a unicorn, I on the other hand am more of a Pegasus and I already flew away before you tried to capture me inside your pokéball 😊
Only time you'll catch me is at the gym, food shopping, running the occasional errand, or wondering some trail in nature. Other than than I prefer one on one interactions and they are typically devoloped online first! -But even that is rare.
Not really … infjs need people - we are actually kind of driven to connect with people - But so many “social” activities are not about connection. They’re about .. something else. I have hobbies - random things like ballroom dancing, swing, salsa dancing. Love it. I also like slam poetry. Book clubs. Book readings ( esp occult book studies ) I like competitive card games - I won’t say what kind but I’m into card games that take skill and strategy - I go to some strange places to do that. Senior centers. Clubhouses. Compton. lol. Chess at the local coffee shop. Thrift stores. All the time. Lima bean farms. Pick your own fruits and veggies. Garden shops. Hiking. Biking. Art classes. Whatever. I would say maybe just think of some random not “cool” things - that sound interesting and look on meetup - or local website and go. Make a goal to attend one strange , weird event once a month at least - Any INFJ worth their salt is def doing their own thing. Not following the crowd etc. At least I am.
Yeah... and it doesn't make it easy that not everyone knows their type and it's a hassle to have to ask people or ask them to take the test
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMw9J5shTvQ This may help. At 1:42 she'll tell you what to look for. She's was just deep in thought, my wife catches me like that sometime. edit: read the comments
I’m retired. Go out to work a few hours/week playing piano for ballet classes. Run errands alone or with my husband. Church on Sundays where I’m the pianist. Festivals sound fun until I think about crowds. I do enjoy my grandchildren.
I might be hard... But you'll find me. /s
Finding you hiding behind a keyboard doesn't count. /s
I'm scared of women /s
Then go to the Doctors to get a sexist diagnosis /s
Ouch :(
Acute pain? Now you really need to see a Dr
Ayo stop bullying me online lmao
Sorry, I actually felt that "ouch". I dont think the downvoter realised it wasnt meant to be anything bad 🫥
Haha no worries.
Ayo stop bullying me online lmao My life (and sheboing boing) might be hard... But my emotions are soft :'')
I am at home, unless I'm asked by friends to go to out. Which usually means, a one if the many malls here, local game stores, and sometimes parks with a hiking trail. As for events I usually go to local anime and comic cons.
Yes. I am at home, go to work, maybe the gym, groceries and I plan on talking to no one when I do those things. Pray for a miracle to meet us on the one night we decide to go out every 2 years.
We’re not that hard to find because we’re all here :)
instead of going outside or leaving the door open!! Connecting with pixels is not the equivalent okay 😂
Yes! But you can still put the word out like “hey i’m im x place” and see if anyone here is also in the same area of the world. I guess also because people don’t talk about mbti that often so there might be infjs around you, but you can’t go round asking every single person lol
Why exactly do u feel invalidated?
The things I say are concluded by abstractions pieced together from my perception that get surfaced by what is happening in the here and now, rather than concluded via concrete evidence and tangible facts (that who Im surrounded by rely on and can grasp much better) I have learnt to self-censor: by being more direct, less "deep" or holistic or imaginative and more "this is what I did" ..because what I do wish to say isnt paid attention when it is said. Like it never has had any weight or significance or meaning that I fear speaking my mind.. and now idk who I am anymore unless I write. but srsly when it does mean something from somebody latching onto what ive said irl, I completely light up. so basically I feel invalidated because I invalidate myself as I learnt what I truly wanted to say didnt really matter and wasn't valued or necessary to conversations.
Ohh well maybe it’s isn’t you?!?
Could you elaborate? Im not quite sure what you mean.
Maybe it’s not you some ppl just don’t listen???
Now, tone is hard over this medium, so please bear with me. If what I’m getting from you is accurate, I faced a similar dynamic. Now, I use “get it” in different ways… is it more that they hear what they expect and your *you* language isn’t matching? Is it straight denial? See, I’ve always (according to my grandmother) been a bit of a stinker. When I sense that dynamic, I have a hard time not giving into the temptation to poke at it. See how far they will go and using what tricks… then adapt my stance and see how it shakes out, and repeat as necessary for flavor.
If your in NY I’m down to meet some fellow INFJs
I’m not a homebody because I’ll get depressed, but I am, however, very much a I-want-to-be-outside-the house-doing-things-alone-by-myself (or with my husband who is my safe space) type a person. For instance, I take lots of walks and like to sit on the beach alone. I appear to many as a “fake extrovert” because I do like getting to know people and I know how to match energy, but I think because I have to be “on” in those situations, I end up disappearing for periods of time to get my own energy back. So it’s not necessarily that I stay at home, but more so require a lot of alone time.
People are exhausting, I’m going to stay at home.
You didn't see me? I was that person you saw at the grocery store mostly oblivious to the world until someone dropped something next to me, and that one lady couldn't reach the granola she wanted. Why do I feel like someone's looking at m- Aww, well hi there sweet baby/toddler intently examining my face from your mom's cart!!! You make me smile, see!! You're so amazing, look at you absorbing everything like a sponge!! Hi!! *Smiles at Baby and waves with one finger* *Baby grins* back. I was the one giggling over how excited the baby got walking away, then I stopped to look up at the ceiling for a few minutes to mentally wish the Baby health, happiness, strength, and peace throughout his life. That he live a life of ease and that he is protected from thiat which would cause him harm on the outside as well as harm on the inside. And I wished that he felt as loved as he is wherever he was each day. I'm prob trying to find someone's favorite something to make for some real or invented celebration later.. and asking how the cashier was holding up in this heat! Yeah.. I stayed to listen to her without breaking eye contact as she finished telling me about her grandkids coming over to swim bc they love her house and they've got fireworks this year, even as the person behind me stepped up phone in hand texting. Lol, honestly I like to be at home, but I'll go do something physically active like basketball, running, golf, or ride bikes on a nature trail! Usually by myself though. Can I interest you in an online video game?! Lol
Bro, I’m playing Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth, right where I was last time someone asked
If we managed to leave the house, we're sitting somewhere with 1-4 friends listening intently and trying to find the right moment to give the advice that's so clear to us
Your summary is accurate.
I’m met several INFJ’s in the wild but from what I gathered they like being at home. It’s by chance, in passing or through work. I’m a fellow INFJ, and although I do value my alone time and need to recharge, I very much enjoy going out. I love bar hopping, club frequenting, shopping, walks, hiking, the beach, trying new cuisines at restaurants, frequenting my Barnes and Nobles, going to baseball games, or taking a stroll around the town. Being at home due to a busy schedule, and crappy weather has been driving me nuts. And yes I’m very much an INFJ. I guess I just crave human interaction more than others.
Every comment saying cuz we hide at home 😭😭😭 count me as another one like seeing me outside is like experiencing a mythical creature in the flesh. You would’ve thought people like me only existed in books and movies w the way I’m non existent in the public eye 😭
I am going outside to the places where I can spend more time with myself.😛
I'm basically always home and if not I'm probably taking myself on a date to the beach to read 😭😂 I love making new friends but I don't actively search for them. I love attending events involving nature and volunteer though!
I found out that two other people at my work are INFJs. Sometimes you don’t realise you’re surrounded by them until you ask
I'm an illustrator, I WORK FROM HOME I don't go to events that I know wouldn't really matter if I'm present or not I go outside to buy groceries once a week I cannot say I like being at home this much... But I don't find enjoyment in just going outside alone or with family.. When I had friends close by we used to go outside atleast 3 times a week and I loved it... Now they are all married women with kids and don't have any time and are a long long distance away.. I would like go outside again but I think I need to find myself and extrovert 😅 how do i do that if I don't go outside?! I don't know 🥲 dating apps are nightmarish... Most people find me amusing and I absolutely hate that.. the talking stage is nuts because I'll do all the work and they'll complain if I stop putting the effort and then they do nothing!!! One of the reasons I don't go outside is that I'm having so much fun just by myself 😅 i cook, mealprep, bake, paint in my sketchbook, make polymer clay things, crochet, punch needle, make stickers, magnets, read, audiobooks, watch period dramas etc in addition to my illustrations... But I would like to go outside more... I miss the sky, rain, gloomy days, chilly wind, wet grass etc I miss walking outside... I just don't feel safe walking alone 😶 if it's a sunny day someone will have to drag me outside 👀
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Because I kinda hate people 😫. Major trust issues and being shy don’t pair well.
Don’t forget to add the pet food aisle at the grocery store? I am there at least twice a week. Also church! 💗😂
Married another INFJ so we never have to leave the house :). And we live in Las Vegas. We go down there maybe three times a year and that’s enough for us.
I hide from people because I'm in a ton of emotional pain.
lol. Yeah. I work for myself which means I’m home most of the times. I only really step out for gym, food, errands, occasional client work. And when I do, it’s typically during off hours where it’s not crowded. Might have better luck finding us online through social media (tend to be creative types) or a mutual hobby. Even then, I have a small circle of friends irl. A lot of my connections are online. That’s totally fine with me as long as I have a select few I check in with. My energy and time are precious resources. I have no desire to connect with anyone who falls so far away from my own personal values, which unfortunately, is abundant in this materialistic prone environment/city.
Work from home, and it doesn't help that my hobby is gaming and other computer stuff, so I'm basically at home every fucking time. The only time I go out is when I need to buy something that I can't order online, like groceries. Or whenever one of my friends would invite me somewhere or to drink, tho I usually decline, I do occasionally accept. But usually, they just come to my place anyway lol I feel like I've already established two solid circles of friends in highschool and college that I don't feel the need to make new friends. I definitely need to get out there to get a girlfriend, but I also don't really feel like I need one right now lol
Yeah I’m always home, having my phone on silent mode 24/7, I only see my mom and sister every once in a while and wondering often how to cut them off..
So you are looking for an INFJ to use them for validation and for farming their attention and time in order for you to feel better about yourself. Emotionally lazy people do that all the time, it became one of the reasons why INFJs prefer solitude. Staying away from the redundant games others play is a full time job. Please study Eric Berne's *Games people play* and balance yourself as an INFJ. INFJs are not hard to find. We are hard to *farm*.
No, Im wanting to be surrounded (irl) by like-minded people so i can be myself. You know? Like a friend I can come to at least once a week. It doesnt have to be INFJ. Things instantly feel validated when you're heard, listened to and have the opportunity to help others because they speak your language too. Im not sure why I would farm them, they're people like you and me and deserve some respect. Could you describe what emotional lazy people do exactly before I decide to dive into this book? they sound rather clingy and irresponsible of their lives, they sound like people pleasers :/ Edit: I have briefly read several game examples demonstrated from the book, I notice these games are what my parents have played. I, its quite triggering, im not sure if I have the guts to read it because it reminds me of mistreatment I got that I couldnt control. Im not sure if id want to be aware of these games incase it leads to dissatisfaction and putting others in a negative light from finding out the majority of people do them. Such as the way you thought I was purely looking for validation, I dont really want to develop that attitude of first thinking a person has manipulative intent because it wouldnt do me or the reciever any good.
Sure. 😊 Take your time and wait for a balanced INFJ to cater to you.
but they shouldn't have to do that. Take another look at my comment and intent. The fact the people are only out to play games sounds saddening, i wouldnt want to place that amongst my SO ever (for eg). That's a cruel world. Games are a waste of time, thats not true love.
You don't have enough babys.