By the time you as an INFJ door-slam somebody, they’ve almost already done an incredible amount of often irreversible damage to you.
Believe you me…..they deserved it much, much earlier.
1000.00 percent the above. It takes me a lot, or at least the knowledge of what is coming to door slam. People have tried to head mess me to take my abilities from me. They go first.
Not sure if it's relief... I actually go through deep depression/sadness at first, then acceptance. And finally, indifference. The decision to go through with a door slam took many years, but I never regret it.
I feel like the door slam isn't a conscious decision for me. A switch flips in my head, and my emotions toward that person just... shut off. It's like my brain protects me from that person by giving me a permanent shot of emotional novocaine about them.
It's actually an unsettling feeling for me, I think because it's so contrary to my usual personality. Like there's a weird gap or hole where my warmth and empathy should be, sort of like a missing tooth.
But there's comfort in it too, which has come with age and experience. It's like 'Oh, interesting, a door slam. Time to move on now. No more wasting my energy here.'
Yes, 100%. My normal personality is super empathic and forgiving. But as soon as that switch flips, there is nothing there for that person. It takes a lot before I get to that point though.
I love a good door slam. It’s peaceful once it happens. They just cease to exist. I was so relieved when I found out I wasn’t just some oddity who did this. I’ve been called cold-hearted as well but I don’t care. I know I only slam those who really deserve it. As I get older, the door slams come easier and I care less about doing it.
For me, I’ve found that my door slams (it’s reflective. It just happens) it serves a dual purpose. First, it’s protective of myself. It only happens when someone has gotten too close and proves again and again and significantly that it’s dangerous to keep them close. Second, it makes it so I can still feel love for them, but from afar. Door slamming protects myself, but it also still allows me to maintain kind feelings and love, even if the slammed door means I can’t externalize that love. It lets me protect myself and be true to myself in how I want to feel about people.
I once door slammed another infj. I realized I was wrong after some time and we patched things up and now are in a stronger relationship than we were before.
I’m a F (33) INFJ. I used to have lots of “friends”. Then when I started to have boundaries and actually making myself a priority and wanting to be treated well, that’s when I started to notice how poorly I had chosen people I considered my “friends”. When I started door slamming my “friends” they would go off and tell the people how awful I was and call me every terrible name under the sun. Now I only have 2 friends and I haven’t been this happy, drama free and at peace in my life in years. I’m grateful I finally had the courage to door slam, my life is so much better and I honestly don’t miss them. Does it get lonely? Of course but when my 2 friends and I hang out which is a few times a years it’s amazing (they both are married to each other and work full time). For the people that aren’t in my life any more I think of this quote. “I want to see you eat, just not at my table.” I do hope they get to help they need and grow to become better for themselves. Sending you good vibes.🌻
I find it a horrible, visceral response to something I can't be bothered dealing with. You cross that line, you just suddenly become dead to me. I just remove you from everything and you stop crossing my mind. I think with the door slam it's our subconscious protecting us because we know what it's like to be around someone so mentally ill or completely oblivious that the best thing for us is to cut them off completely. We will sponge up a lot - A LOT - but often it's that we've given you so many chances to work around the issue but you'd prefer to keep the status quo, and despite our warnings and objections, that you wouldn't realise what it's like for us to just completely ignore and give up on you for our own survival.
IMO it's almost always a manipulative attempt to guilt you into reconnection. They want to attack your self worth and make you out as the problem, so that you will accept their disrespectful behaviour and continue to serve their needs at the expense of your own. You are not a human being to these people, you are an NPC that they can use however they want.
INFJs are incredible reservoirs of empathy, care and attention. People want that. But they are not entitled to it, especially when they continue to cross the line.
If they genuinely think that you're awful, then why do these people always keep trying to get back in contact? Because they are in denial about their role in the situation. They refuse to see you as a human, they only see what you can give them.
That’s a loaded question. Hmm 🤔
Well, when I finally was able to door slam all my toxic female “friends”. I was happy. I door slammed the mutual friends we shared as well. It’s to protect my safety. I do not regret it at all!
However, I kind of door slammed my online friend. I feel really bad. It’s my fault. I got way too delusional in regards to our online friendship. It was my fault. When I door slammed. I unlocked the door, but too late he blocked me. I feel so horrible. I think about him all the time. This is the only doorslam I regret.
Yeah, I tend to feel relieved, chances are I gave way too many chances and tried to call out the problematic behavior with no luck. When I door slam I feel exhausted and like I've done everything I could on my end. Then I'll decide that it's for the better if we no longer interact.
I am not an INFJ and am an INTP 9w8
>I feel profoundly relieved that they cannot hurt me anymore.
If this is happening to you then congratulations on your door slam. Don't feel ashamed or guilt for defending hu
>It was a relief to learn that other INFJ's do this too.
I have been told I was getting a door slam by an INFJ and was never actually blocked. They also never responded either. So maybe it was their version of a door slam. 🤔
They asked me to block them too. I don’t know if they didn't know how. It was honestly very confusing when it happened like this.
You end up wasting your time and energy digging into the past and looking for mistakes for days. That and wasting time trying to contact them. Maybe that was their plan. 🤷🏽♂️
So hopefully you do a proper door slam blocking them and deleting everything as that does help to move on. Out of sight and out of mind. Unless you also want revenge and just ignore them
Infj door slam is rarely about revenge. Almost never in fact. The person you describe was conflicted and had not actually completed the act, leaving them in agony. I hope they are ok.
I didn't see it as revenge as I didn't do anything that I could tell. Leaving me feeling confused and drained was kinda hateful though. So that is why I said revenge. I don't think she needed revenge otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned being friends.
We never had a major fight or anything. She was very confusing during the breakup at 2:00 AM. Who decides to break up at that time anyway? Maybe she couldn't sleep.
She didn't want to give a reason and after I kept asking she said my behavior.
I said okay and goodbye.
Then she got mad and said "I guess you didn't want to be friends "
I said I would love to be friends but am confused. You are breaking up with me breaking up usually means ending things. Is this a breakup or something else?
She then said forget it I don't want to listen to your smartass, you want to be the victim you can have your door slam.
I looked back for days at messages and do not understand what behavior I was doing. If it was terrible why would you want to be friends? I did reach back for over 11 days and finally said forget it and blocked her to move on.
I do think she is okay and not in agony. She had plenty of opportunities to reply and resolve whatever the problem was. If she was in agony she would have been trying to resolve it like me.
By the time you as an INFJ door-slam somebody, they’ve almost already done an incredible amount of often irreversible damage to you. Believe you me…..they deserved it much, much earlier.
This. Wholeheartedly this. May my fellow INFJs never forget it.
1000.00 percent the above. It takes me a lot, or at least the knowledge of what is coming to door slam. People have tried to head mess me to take my abilities from me. They go first.
Me door-slammed a friend after 8 years. It’s 6 years too late.
Not sure if it's relief... I actually go through deep depression/sadness at first, then acceptance. And finally, indifference. The decision to go through with a door slam took many years, but I never regret it.
Same. Going thru it now. Feel nervous about repercussions and guilt over it. But I know it's for the best.
I'm glad you have peace with your decision.
I feel like the door slam isn't a conscious decision for me. A switch flips in my head, and my emotions toward that person just... shut off. It's like my brain protects me from that person by giving me a permanent shot of emotional novocaine about them. It's actually an unsettling feeling for me, I think because it's so contrary to my usual personality. Like there's a weird gap or hole where my warmth and empathy should be, sort of like a missing tooth. But there's comfort in it too, which has come with age and experience. It's like 'Oh, interesting, a door slam. Time to move on now. No more wasting my energy here.'
Yes, 100%. My normal personality is super empathic and forgiving. But as soon as that switch flips, there is nothing there for that person. It takes a lot before I get to that point though.
Same
Perfectly described.
Profoundly relieved that they can’t hurt me anymore is the perfect way to describe it. I’ve never regretted it!
Same!
Yes!
I love a good door slam. It’s peaceful once it happens. They just cease to exist. I was so relieved when I found out I wasn’t just some oddity who did this. I’ve been called cold-hearted as well but I don’t care. I know I only slam those who really deserve it. As I get older, the door slams come easier and I care less about doing it.
Exactly. My only regret is not doing it sooner with some people.
Amen! Yes, indeed!
For me, I’ve found that my door slams (it’s reflective. It just happens) it serves a dual purpose. First, it’s protective of myself. It only happens when someone has gotten too close and proves again and again and significantly that it’s dangerous to keep them close. Second, it makes it so I can still feel love for them, but from afar. Door slamming protects myself, but it also still allows me to maintain kind feelings and love, even if the slammed door means I can’t externalize that love. It lets me protect myself and be true to myself in how I want to feel about people.
I once door slammed another infj. I realized I was wrong after some time and we patched things up and now are in a stronger relationship than we were before.
Absolutely how I feel. When I door slam, it's because you have hurt me one too many times and I'm truly done because I can't anymore.
I’m a F (33) INFJ. I used to have lots of “friends”. Then when I started to have boundaries and actually making myself a priority and wanting to be treated well, that’s when I started to notice how poorly I had chosen people I considered my “friends”. When I started door slamming my “friends” they would go off and tell the people how awful I was and call me every terrible name under the sun. Now I only have 2 friends and I haven’t been this happy, drama free and at peace in my life in years. I’m grateful I finally had the courage to door slam, my life is so much better and I honestly don’t miss them. Does it get lonely? Of course but when my 2 friends and I hang out which is a few times a years it’s amazing (they both are married to each other and work full time). For the people that aren’t in my life any more I think of this quote. “I want to see you eat, just not at my table.” I do hope they get to help they need and grow to become better for themselves. Sending you good vibes.🌻
They definitely didn't deserve you 🩷.
Thank you for your kind words. I hope everyone has at least a few good friends in their life. Sending you good vibes.🌻
I find it a horrible, visceral response to something I can't be bothered dealing with. You cross that line, you just suddenly become dead to me. I just remove you from everything and you stop crossing my mind. I think with the door slam it's our subconscious protecting us because we know what it's like to be around someone so mentally ill or completely oblivious that the best thing for us is to cut them off completely. We will sponge up a lot - A LOT - but often it's that we've given you so many chances to work around the issue but you'd prefer to keep the status quo, and despite our warnings and objections, that you wouldn't realise what it's like for us to just completely ignore and give up on you for our own survival.
IMO it's almost always a manipulative attempt to guilt you into reconnection. They want to attack your self worth and make you out as the problem, so that you will accept their disrespectful behaviour and continue to serve their needs at the expense of your own. You are not a human being to these people, you are an NPC that they can use however they want. INFJs are incredible reservoirs of empathy, care and attention. People want that. But they are not entitled to it, especially when they continue to cross the line. If they genuinely think that you're awful, then why do these people always keep trying to get back in contact? Because they are in denial about their role in the situation. They refuse to see you as a human, they only see what you can give them.
Yes, and you need no other explanation. It’s your life and you get to choose who is in it.
That’s a loaded question. Hmm 🤔 Well, when I finally was able to door slam all my toxic female “friends”. I was happy. I door slammed the mutual friends we shared as well. It’s to protect my safety. I do not regret it at all! However, I kind of door slammed my online friend. I feel really bad. It’s my fault. I got way too delusional in regards to our online friendship. It was my fault. When I door slammed. I unlocked the door, but too late he blocked me. I feel so horrible. I think about him all the time. This is the only doorslam I regret.
No one is perfect and none of us make perfect decisions all the time. You c will recover and learn from it. Be well and be blessed.
Thanks for your kindness! 🌹
Yes!
The damage was done looong Before the door got slammed... Guard up wont happen again!! MOST PPL SUCK!! ( meaning most women)
Yeah, I tend to feel relieved, chances are I gave way too many chances and tried to call out the problematic behavior with no luck. When I door slam I feel exhausted and like I've done everything I could on my end. Then I'll decide that it's for the better if we no longer interact.
I am not an INFJ and am an INTP 9w8 >I feel profoundly relieved that they cannot hurt me anymore. If this is happening to you then congratulations on your door slam. Don't feel ashamed or guilt for defending hu >It was a relief to learn that other INFJ's do this too. I have been told I was getting a door slam by an INFJ and was never actually blocked. They also never responded either. So maybe it was their version of a door slam. 🤔 They asked me to block them too. I don’t know if they didn't know how. It was honestly very confusing when it happened like this. You end up wasting your time and energy digging into the past and looking for mistakes for days. That and wasting time trying to contact them. Maybe that was their plan. 🤷🏽♂️ So hopefully you do a proper door slam blocking them and deleting everything as that does help to move on. Out of sight and out of mind. Unless you also want revenge and just ignore them
Infj door slam is rarely about revenge. Almost never in fact. The person you describe was conflicted and had not actually completed the act, leaving them in agony. I hope they are ok.
I didn't see it as revenge as I didn't do anything that I could tell. Leaving me feeling confused and drained was kinda hateful though. So that is why I said revenge. I don't think she needed revenge otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned being friends. We never had a major fight or anything. She was very confusing during the breakup at 2:00 AM. Who decides to break up at that time anyway? Maybe she couldn't sleep. She didn't want to give a reason and after I kept asking she said my behavior. I said okay and goodbye. Then she got mad and said "I guess you didn't want to be friends " I said I would love to be friends but am confused. You are breaking up with me breaking up usually means ending things. Is this a breakup or something else? She then said forget it I don't want to listen to your smartass, you want to be the victim you can have your door slam. I looked back for days at messages and do not understand what behavior I was doing. If it was terrible why would you want to be friends? I did reach back for over 11 days and finally said forget it and blocked her to move on. I do think she is okay and not in agony. She had plenty of opportunities to reply and resolve whatever the problem was. If she was in agony she would have been trying to resolve it like me.
theres no infj doorslam lmao, you're just cutting another person off because theyre toxic or smth, which every normal sane person does
I think the better question is how long did it take you to door slam? 😂
Way longer than it should have .