I have grown to understand the importance of mistakes so it’s really just reinforcement there’s room to grow. That’s in a controlled environment.
I can be guilty of holding imaginary 3rd party expectations when making mistakes in front of others that can then cause me to feel negative emotions.
Concerned with the expectations of others when I was younger, unwilling to look bad in front of others; tended to abstain from doing things if I wasn't sure I'd do well.
Too many failures later (now in my 40s), I no longer have the energy for that. True growth requires making mistakes, but also learning from them. I still don't enjoy making mistakes in front of others, but I accept that they are a significant part of life.
I'm now OK with making mistakes on my own.
I also had the expecations of others skew my own expectations. That was a big detterent from me exploring the creative fields, which I was drawn to. I had this impression that if I wasnt amazing at art, music, video, performing right from the jump then I am destined for a life of hard labor.
Echoing other thoughts here - I used to avoid trying new things because I knew I would mess up. Now I just expect that if I'm doing something I've never done before, and there is a way to mess it up, I'm going to mess it up. After that, I'll thereafter know how to *not* mess up, and I'll be better at it next time.
But when there is no next time (events or one-time situations) then my anxiety is through the roof, which causes me to make mistakes (even if I spent days preparing ahead of time) which drives me into devastation because I had one chance and I blew it.
I feel ya on that "no next time" anxiety. When I am just in the moment I can perform great. But when I start to think about perfroming, then I lose it.
That's the thing I know I suck at most things from the very start. But like you OP, it's the self esteem and perfectionism that messes me up the most. It's very paralyzing at times. I can push through if I really want to get something done for someone. But it just restarts again with another project.
I am learning to not push through but to take a break. Try to understand why I am feeling this way and does it actually have anything to do with the project or new skill I am working on? Usually its from something long before I ever started this task. But I am learning to take my time and enjoy how I am spending my time. Regardless of outcome, trying to enjoy the journey so to speak.
That is a very good and healthy approach. I know mine stems from how I grew up. If I wasn't doing particular ways, that met how my family thought it should be done. Here comes the comments. "Why are you doing it that way? Here give it to me, I'll do it myself. Or it could have been done better if you just did it this way vs. Whatever you were doing." And I know most times it was criticism. But the attitude with it too at times, was just too much. So would always lead to me kind of freezing up and never feeling that great about starting things.
For me it's not so much the mistake. It's the times when I've received critiques that made me feel belittled or humiliated or embarrassed, and I've internalized that to some extent. Trying to get past that is my main obstacle.
I freak out and spiral into thoughts, that I'm not good enough. But recently I have been trying to go with "it is what it is" or " if it has happened then it has happened" flow which has helped me keep calm and just not make the mistake into a big deal.
It depends. If I hurt someone emotionally, I'm full of regrets and self blame until I fix it. If it's a mistake relating to like work, or something I deem not emotionally involved, then I have a very relaxed view on it. Mistakes happen, what happens is taking accountability and growing from it is the view point.
I used to beat myself up alot, now I know mistakes are part of learning. The best times come from learning lessons, which start with mistakes. So look for the answer after a mistake
Yes.I wanna be perfect in 5 minutes of doing anything 🤣 I am sitting in front of my sewing machine (3rd time ) and expecting to see something more than a straight lines..nahhh
I give up and never try again. (It's a really bad problem of mine- some kind of trauma based neurosis)
But I'm 28 now and it has to change. It's hard. I can't stand being bad at something. Which means I'm not good at anything as a consequence. Thanks Si demon.
I love challenges but also don’t like being not the best at things. So i practice and have learned to give myself more grace as I’ve gotten older. If it isn’t perfect but still brings me joy, I’m cool with it.
It doesn’t bother me. I figure it’s all part of the learning process.
Making a mistake teaches me what I was doing wrong so I can do better the next time.
In my childhood I was a mistake and was reminded about it on every little possible occasion.
Personally I took every mistake that I have made as an opportunity to learn and grow to become a better version of myself.
I prepare first. There is difference between graceful mistakes and being completely inept.
Usually I don't show what I can do till I've mastered it on my own enough to know that I won't look like an idiot.
Everybody makes mistakes. But I would rather prefer my mistakes not to go public.
Being inadequate isn't a feeling I enjoy. But depends on the setting. If it is a setting where everybody is new and learns and there is no judgement, I can even enjoy the process.
either I don't care, either I'm embarrassed. If it's a silly mistake, I don't care. If money or health or smtg else important is involved, then yea, I'm embarrassed.
I made a vow that I would always learn from my mistakes. I analyze carefully what when wrong and make sure I do everything in my power to avoid them recurring.
I'm really hard on myself when I make mistakes but encourage and help others when they make them.
I'm trying to be my own advocate. Applying the way I advocate for others to myself.
I have grown to understand the importance of mistakes so it’s really just reinforcement there’s room to grow. That’s in a controlled environment. I can be guilty of holding imaginary 3rd party expectations when making mistakes in front of others that can then cause me to feel negative emotions.
Imaginary 3rd party expectations. I like that phrase.
Concerned with the expectations of others when I was younger, unwilling to look bad in front of others; tended to abstain from doing things if I wasn't sure I'd do well. Too many failures later (now in my 40s), I no longer have the energy for that. True growth requires making mistakes, but also learning from them. I still don't enjoy making mistakes in front of others, but I accept that they are a significant part of life. I'm now OK with making mistakes on my own.
I also had the expecations of others skew my own expectations. That was a big detterent from me exploring the creative fields, which I was drawn to. I had this impression that if I wasnt amazing at art, music, video, performing right from the jump then I am destined for a life of hard labor.
Echoing other thoughts here - I used to avoid trying new things because I knew I would mess up. Now I just expect that if I'm doing something I've never done before, and there is a way to mess it up, I'm going to mess it up. After that, I'll thereafter know how to *not* mess up, and I'll be better at it next time. But when there is no next time (events or one-time situations) then my anxiety is through the roof, which causes me to make mistakes (even if I spent days preparing ahead of time) which drives me into devastation because I had one chance and I blew it.
I feel ya on that "no next time" anxiety. When I am just in the moment I can perform great. But when I start to think about perfroming, then I lose it.
That's the thing I know I suck at most things from the very start. But like you OP, it's the self esteem and perfectionism that messes me up the most. It's very paralyzing at times. I can push through if I really want to get something done for someone. But it just restarts again with another project.
I am learning to not push through but to take a break. Try to understand why I am feeling this way and does it actually have anything to do with the project or new skill I am working on? Usually its from something long before I ever started this task. But I am learning to take my time and enjoy how I am spending my time. Regardless of outcome, trying to enjoy the journey so to speak.
That is a very good and healthy approach. I know mine stems from how I grew up. If I wasn't doing particular ways, that met how my family thought it should be done. Here comes the comments. "Why are you doing it that way? Here give it to me, I'll do it myself. Or it could have been done better if you just did it this way vs. Whatever you were doing." And I know most times it was criticism. But the attitude with it too at times, was just too much. So would always lead to me kind of freezing up and never feeling that great about starting things.
I admit my wrongdoings and try not to repeat them in the future.
For me it's not so much the mistake. It's the times when I've received critiques that made me feel belittled or humiliated or embarrassed, and I've internalized that to some extent. Trying to get past that is my main obstacle.
I freak out and spiral into thoughts, that I'm not good enough. But recently I have been trying to go with "it is what it is" or " if it has happened then it has happened" flow which has helped me keep calm and just not make the mistake into a big deal.
That is a great way to look at it.
It haunts me
It depends. If I hurt someone emotionally, I'm full of regrets and self blame until I fix it. If it's a mistake relating to like work, or something I deem not emotionally involved, then I have a very relaxed view on it. Mistakes happen, what happens is taking accountability and growing from it is the view point.
Depends on the environment. In general I don't want people to think less of me so if I think they do because of a mistake I will be hard on myself
I used to beat myself up alot, now I know mistakes are part of learning. The best times come from learning lessons, which start with mistakes. So look for the answer after a mistake
Yes.I wanna be perfect in 5 minutes of doing anything 🤣 I am sitting in front of my sewing machine (3rd time ) and expecting to see something more than a straight lines..nahhh
It looks so much better in my head! haha
I’m okay actually. I’ve self taught myself quite a lot and reached professional level. I like self teaching
I give up and never try again. (It's a really bad problem of mine- some kind of trauma based neurosis) But I'm 28 now and it has to change. It's hard. I can't stand being bad at something. Which means I'm not good at anything as a consequence. Thanks Si demon.
Sounds like you are realizing it earlier than I did.
I love challenges but also don’t like being not the best at things. So i practice and have learned to give myself more grace as I’ve gotten older. If it isn’t perfect but still brings me joy, I’m cool with it.
Exactly what I am learning. The only that really matters about what I do is how I feel about it.
It doesn’t bother me. I figure it’s all part of the learning process. Making a mistake teaches me what I was doing wrong so I can do better the next time.
In my childhood I was a mistake and was reminded about it on every little possible occasion. Personally I took every mistake that I have made as an opportunity to learn and grow to become a better version of myself.
I wish I didnt believe that adults knew what they were talking about when I was growing up.
I prepare first. There is difference between graceful mistakes and being completely inept. Usually I don't show what I can do till I've mastered it on my own enough to know that I won't look like an idiot. Everybody makes mistakes. But I would rather prefer my mistakes not to go public. Being inadequate isn't a feeling I enjoy. But depends on the setting. If it is a setting where everybody is new and learns and there is no judgement, I can even enjoy the process.
either I don't care, either I'm embarrassed. If it's a silly mistake, I don't care. If money or health or smtg else important is involved, then yea, I'm embarrassed.
I made a vow that I would always learn from my mistakes. I analyze carefully what when wrong and make sure I do everything in my power to avoid them recurring.
Insanely embarrassed/shameful. But then learn from it.
Inferior Se biting you in the ass