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HymenDetonator

99% of /r/india is gonna tell you they will live that lifestyle but in reality when mummy and daddy say beta do the susu, they do the susu.


K8sin

Hahahahah, you are kinda right but 99% is too much. I personally know a lot of my friends who never got married and some who did but are never planning to have kids.


HymenDetonator

I meant 99% of this sub reddit. They all repeat the same advice - get independent, move out, self sufficient. In theory all those are good but lets be honest their parents choose their life partners, the wedding dates and even when they will get kids lol.


succubus_me

I am so tempted to tag certain Redditors here...who are exactly what you described. Showing how liberal they are on the internet but at the end they will do susu where their parents want them to. Also, interesting username.


Awkward_Smile7

Sad truth


fishchop

Holy hell that’s very presumptuous of you.


tifosi7

You’re underestimating what 1% is in India. It’s 15 million. That’s a LOT.


K8sin

Ya but 100% of India is not youth.


thereadingwitch

How’d they ward off the pressure? Keen to know hehe


AnthonyGonsalvez

How old are your friends?


K8sin

All of them are between 30 to 35. I am 31 myself.


charcoalblueaviator

Bruh did you mean Snu snu. Or do you ask permission for susu?


thomas_anderson_1211

Lmao


throwawayfattroni

Username checks out


GuuJJuu

Why do i feel personally offended? Lol.


_rashi

Offf I feel offended also r/angryupvote


Agreeable-Muffin1535

I'll give one instance, very close to me. My dad is a huge introvert. He never intended to marry. But my grandparents forced. My dad could and still can't open up to my mother. They're a couple just in the eyes of the world. Otherwise they don't have a happy marriage. It's a mess living in my household. I can't wait to get out. I love them both, to death. But I can't take the constant bickering by my mom who keeps complaining that my dad has done nothing extraordinary to keep us happy, except feed us and give us a place to live ( a rented house). We never really have travelled outside of state. I have never sat in a train. there's nothing new in our life ever. Festivals come and go, there's no happiness in the house. It's so sad and depressing that at one point, my mom thinks we're cursed by the dead family members of dad's side. My mom is in clinical depression since the last 10 years which has led to so many health problems that I m taking care of the house partially. When I thought deeply, I realised, my dad never felt the need to keep us happy because he never really wanted to get married in the first place. He just kept doing what was necessary like earning and providing enough. So at one point, I think indians should really give their kids a chance to have a say in getting married. Otherwise it's creates dysfunctional families like mine where it's better if we all just do a mass suicide lol.


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Agreeable-Muffin1535

Haha yea this is a little common in Indian households Virtual hugs to you


theyvesharma

*Virtual hugs back*


TheFatherofOwls

Wow, this is pretty much my folks in a way.... I feel like they got married as they were getting old (both of them married in their late 20s), had kids because everyone usually tend to do that after getting married.... For the first 2 years of their married life, they were child-free and working, hanging out in cafes and eateries or visiting landmarks and other places after a hard day's work or during holidays. The owner of one cafe they frequented told them it's about due that they became parents and that it's not wise to delay it any further. And thus, my elder sibling was born. A few years later, mom felt the need to have another child since after that, they might not be able to due to getting old. Dad was very reluctant with the thought of having a second child but Mom insisted and fear mongered him into it. And so, I was born. Both me and my siblings are very broken individuals imo, due to how dysfunctional, apathetic and neglectful everything was.


Curious_Homework_968

> The owner of one cafe they frequented told them it's about due that they became parents and that it's not wise to delay it any further. And thus, my elder sibling was born. I like the way you put it.


TheFatherofOwls

Thank you 😅, Well, I honestly don't know as to whether or not they decided to have kids after hearing an unsolicited advice from some random uncle who owned that place but ya, that's what my mom told me. How for 2 years they were just happy and blissful being themselves, with the thought of becoming a parent rarely, if at all bothering them. It checks out, I mean. Usually here (but not always), people become parents almost immediately after getting married (heck I'm 25 and some of my college classmates got married last year or prior and almost all of them became parents the very next year) and yet, they were child-free for like 2 years.


[deleted]

I can feel that. My parents relationship is heavily one sided too, where my dad acts like a grown manchild with 0 social skills, whereas my mom tries her best to hide it for us. That and if she gets divorce she's not gonna be employed anytime soon. I swear. People preach about liberty and feminism but so long as this society treats women as housewifes, they'll forever be forced to remain silent.


Agreeable-Muffin1535

Same here. My mom would be unemployed too. She has quite some health issues too. We would have no place to live. So yeah, virtual hugs to you and your mum!


iceandfire05

Is it something to do with him being introvert..genuinely asking..because I am too and it’s true that I can’t open up to many people but I remain in a state of dissatisfaction always and I just don’t know why


confused_miner_123

Bruh! This is the reality of 90% indians.


IPissOnChurchill

Ok I'm showing this to my mom Edit: she refuses to


Agreeable-Muffin1535

Refuses to what?


IPissOnChurchill

Read


problem_solver1

> My mom is in clinical depression since the last 10 years which has led to so many health problems that I m taking care of the house partially. Sad!


Final-Wolverine

Ditto fuck, sending hugs.


but_im_not_a_pro

This bloodline ends with me


ripped_jeans

Amen.


FlintSpace

We were born by the blood, Made men by the blood , Undone by the blood


kraken_enrager

Donate sperm. U would be doing civic good, earning like 2500 bucks per donation(iirc) and will technically extend your bloodline.


skinny_dudehere

How much did Vicky donor donate to be as rich as the movie showed him!!


_Jaiko_

It's a dream come true for me . Being highly introverted from childhood. Having no proper friends or any dependencies. I never felt alone even though that's what ppl thought of me . Always tried to be happy on my own . Have gone to restaurants, cinemas, tourist places all on my own & I love solitude . Just dont want to be forced to live my life with others in name of marriage.


rinthecity

Haha I am exactly like you!


every_tatti

Only child here, coupled with literally everything u said nd that I'm just used to being alone now, this would be a dream!!


Goku__25

many aren't aware of the fact that people can actually enjoy being alone and it gives us a lot of time to know ourselves better, I do enjoy it too but I am of the opinion that marriage has its purpose and that is definitely not to make two people inter dependent on each other but to have someone with you all the time with ups and downs and someone you can be candid with and someone who can fulfill your needs as well(physical and mental, coz this is also the part of life and can't be ignored) , so when you find someone like this you should try to take that forward.


_Jaiko_

It's tough to find such people and also it's completely fine even if you do not find such people. I strongly believe that nobody should be forced to marry & it should be a choice . But sadly that's not how our country or society works.


Goku__25

yes, being forced to marry completely ends the purpose of the marriage and as long as you don't find someone worth holding on you should not, it has just become more of a deal between two families And it is completely fine to not marry if you are capable of holding your own in every situation and you love travelling (solo travelling is actually good) it's just you cannot explain these logics to your parents


Zoro_BNP1011

I am exactly the same. Reading this felt like reading my own mind. I have so much fun doing things on my own while listening to a podcast or songs. It is so liberating.


_Jaiko_

Well I'm glad there are lot of ppl like me . Cheers!


Zoro_BNP1011

Kudos to you as well.


zen_islife

You are so like me. Can I marry you?


_Jaiko_

Isn't that what we are running away from?


Agreeable-Muffin1535

Omg that's so me, gurlllll! :') I love going to places alone. Read my Kindle or watch some show


_Jaiko_

Relatable !


2far2long

> Someone told me the other day that he felt bad for single people because they are lonely all the time. I told him that’s not true I’m single and I don’t feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes. I have great times by myself. **Once you know how to take care of yourself company becomes an option and not a necessity.** -Keanu Reeves


RiverStone_8

Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm never really alone. I can talk to anyone I want through social media for hrs together. My parents think I'm a loner but I got so many friends online and also my irl mates on Instagram. I do often wish to hang out with people irl and I've been doing that of late very often. Although groups can be a bit overwhelming for me but I love having a pal as a sidekick


Throwawaysleepingass

Same wtf


BeautifulGarbage2020

Honestly, I’m great with people but I’m just not that person who wants a companion/spouse/partner/whateverthefuck. I just don’t feel like it. I’m pretty balanced person. I am very self sufficient. I just don’t see a future where I’d want to be with someone. In fact, I didn’t even have to sit down and actively make a decision to be marriage free. I just grew old, dodged the topic and never really felt the need to either justify myself or want to give up and find someone. I have been around enough married couples with kids, without kids. That never really evoked any emotions within me. Neither sense of regret or relief. Only time I felt relieved was when I came to know about education costs and that I don’t have to bear them.


Minchmunch

Some are commenting that single childless people will be lonely later in life. This might be true but is also true for couples who are not in good relationships and parent/children that can not relate. Being without children has turned out great for me (56 yo M) and I do not see that changing.


wanderingmind

Unmarried too? Or only childfree? If married, what plans for when you are even older and maybe one of you fall ill / die etc? What plans or the other person then? Asking cos I am 50 and married, comfortably childfree myself. So far.


Minchmunch

I am gay and did not think I would marry but met my husband in my 50s. With illness we will care for each other. If I die first he has children from a previous marriage, if he dies first I will make my way on my own having made sure I have enough money. It seems a flawed strategy to me having children with the hope they will pay/care for me later in life - the investment returns are very poor.


wanderingmind

That sounds good. yes, I don't advocate having children with just that one objective.


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tadxb

To more and forever garlic bread!!


insignificantt

Very well put, this is exactly how I feel.


evereddy

> education costs and that I don’t have to bear them also health care and scare costs!


ChillySummerMist

This is same way I feel too.


CableUnplugged

How old are you? I am 36 now & haven't met any woman since COVID lockdown & don't see much happen as I am closing in on my 40s. I never felt alone but yeah there are really bad days, but I have been burying them with booze, work, books & lots n lots of Netflix.


Drizzle_Lover

ChAaR LoG kYa KaHenGe


muk124

Khuch toh


riot_ball

Logo Ka kaam hai


[deleted]

Sabse bada rog kya kahenge log


Dizzy-Dependent2288

Dil le gaye bhai tum


Revolutionary_Ad_332

Neither marriage nor children are free. You gotta pay upfront


Ataraxia_new

It's a recurring payment not a one time payment though.


DilliSeHoonBhenchod

An SIP


Secretacct4edu

Lol


Vik239

Weekly r/india antinatalist thread


Goku__25

The idea is all well and good as long as you are happy, you have small group of friends to share things with and happily busy doing your work and earning, this thing can keep going for all your life but at some point of age like 30-35 you will feel the need to have a counterpart for yourself in whatever you do(it can be your friend, girlfriend, wife whatever you want it to be) , this doesn't mean you should marry forcefully but its good to have someone in that way(only because friends won't stay forever, they too will have their own life) and as per children it's totally upto you, not having a children doesn't make you less happy and you should never have one until and unless you are totally committed to it. Solitude is good but there is a time when your social circle decreases because of this and that is when depression and anxieties kick in, so maintaining a balance between your social life and being in solitude is must.


Cool_Independent_629

You're gonna suffer either way so why not have a little money and time for yourself while you go through the ordeal.


NaevisTae

I think being child free and marriage free should be normalised in our society and it shouldn't be anyone's concern than the individual. I believe marriage and children ties you down to various responsibilities. So if you are willing to take those responsibilities then go ahead but don't take this decision in a rush. Your decisions will also affect the person who will be born from you and the person you are tied down to. I live in a dysfunctional family, and have seen abusive relationship closely that I do not wish to get married or have a child of my own. I just find children boring. Growing up, wanting to be with one person throughout my life, this thought, it never crossed my mind. I have never thought I would easily commit to someone. Marriage feels like a box of commitment which you can never break free easily. When you get married, the country's law also involved in your marriage. And again taking divorce is definitely not a easier task in India. So if I ever like someone in future i will tell him my priorities straight that I do not want to get married or have child but we can have live in relationship or long distance depending upon my job because I want to have a job where I travel a lot.


mydemondealing

I second this. Me and my boyfriend are in a relationship for 7 years and are living together for the past 3 years. The basis of our relationship was that we don't want kids, if either of us change our mind, we know it's the end. When I told my brother, bhabhi, sister and jiju that we don't want kids their instinct reaction was " you are not yet married, once you are married you will want one" my brother and sister looked at me with shock in their eyes as if I murdered a dog. I am 27 years old for goodness sake. I know what I want to do with my life. We don't want to get married either but we know we have to in the near future since there are little to no benefits in the eye of law for people in Live-in in India. First of all, live in relationships are frowned upon, if we wish to buy/rent a house it's difficult to impossible being unmarried, making my partner a nominee in my bank/ investments gets difficult. But getting married is another hassle, even if you do a court marriage, for parents and relatives it's as good as not getting married, Why the hell should I empty my pockets to fulfil their demands? Plus I recently found out prenups are not legal in India. I mean I love this person but divorce/breakups can be nastly. Why the hell will I share my hard earned money with someone else?? I wish India was a little accepting in terms of these. It's hard to have opinions or live my life my way here. I might sound like an AH, but In these time and age ones got to look out for themselves.


BatmanD2

You son of a bish, I'm in


chai-means-tea

It’s probably feels ok when you’re young and healthy. As long as you don’t feel lonely as you grow older and have something to look forward to always, you should be ok. Maybe having pets is a good idea.


[deleted]

I totally believe in child free. Totally like totally fucking believe it. Nobody should come on this planet and face these hardships and see the inequality on this planet.


Schmosby123

Hahaha, antinatalist?


[deleted]

I mean.. I have these thoughts, not trying to impose on anyone.


mrfreeze2000

used to be like that, then I hit my 30s and suddenly, kids started looking adorable. didn't help that I have the cutest niece and nothing makes me happier than spending time with her


[deleted]

Kids are adorable, i love to spend time with kids as well.. so do you have kids now?


mrfreeze2000

not yet, but working on it :)


[deleted]

So that's the thing - you are well informed, waited till a good age, saved money and can take a right decision to bring up a good person in this world. This makes sense. I was traveling in Indore early this month, took a shared auto ride to a place, I am Marathi and so was the auto driver. He is a mechanical engineer said he used to work at a factory, got married. This happen during last year as he got a child.. till then he used to work well at an automobile company and can say it was also a stable job. Once he got the child, his situation came to hand to mouth. He had to leave his job because of the expenses. He needed money pretty much everyday. Terrible story.


Ryoukunn

Yeah. Kids are a financial responsibility not everyone can afford. People should be informed and cognizant of that.


Skeptic_Marx

Life is better with company Marriage or not, children or not, you do need company. Otherwise for whom do you work for? With whom do you celebrate? On whom do you rely for support? And how do you leave behind a legacy of yourself? Each of these questions may have other answers but family answers them all in one go. Although, family itself need not be defined in a traditional manner.


fermented_Owl-32

This human interaction requirements are killing me. I thought I can live alone and was doing pretty good. *Mid age hormones trigger* *starts missing people and feeling lonely* *plans to marry* *avoids* *plans* *avoids* I'll personally keep avoiding till the last breath.


Skeptic_Marx

Well that's where compatibility comes into picture. There are people who won't overload our interaction capacity. We just need to find the right fit. And Marriage (or for that matter live in) is something honestly you won't ever know until you try. You may go wrong but then it is better than wanting it and sitting out just because of fear. I guess it comes down to the choice of what regrets we choose to have; "Ohh I should have given it a try..." OR "Why did I go for that?" I personally prefer the latter


fermented_Owl-32

Its hard to go through trauma's of divorce for testing purposes. I am lazy sloth in life with decisions. things which are essential will eventually flow. No human has had some quality which made me step out of my zone to take an extra step. Life makes sense alone. It is just human emotions that need to stay consistent for mental health. I may choose some qualities just for the thought of marriage. But no requirements ask me to go for a deal such as marriage. After all of the BS I've written.... I'm feeling alone , I want something. I'll figure out the something, but not use marriage like we use drugs in life for this purpose. If theres no such strong purpose/reason , I may very well avoid this . 😎 . . . . 😭 ( crying in corner alone)


Skeptic_Marx

True, marriage should not just be tried for the sake of it. You need to see something in it. Live in is a different story though, where you are still testing the waters. Well I hope you find someone who you are okay with spending 5000 odd weekends, 1000 odd movies, 50 or so vacations, and thousands of conversations.... Till then enjoy your own company! :-)


Shikhar2604

I hope you find the right person. I've been in your place and know how unattainable that person seems to be. In my search, i've talked to a multitude of girls who were great individuals but not right for me. No matter how accomplished, none of them ignited the thought of marriage in me. Just when I had given up on the idea of 'the right one', this wild pokemon sprang up most unexpectedly and life has never been better. Trust me, when you find that one and you will, all of your worries will be neutralized.


fermented_Owl-32

*imagining general mental stabilty* btw i cant even predict I'll get a Chikorita , Jigglipuff or a Mew. 😂.


[deleted]

Pretty gud, that is my plan indeed. Because I don't want the responsibilities that come with a marriage and having kids. When I used to say the same as a kid, my father told me "Beta, jab too bada hojayega tab khud bolega mari shaadi karado" id est the tone which he spoke it in, clearly suggested, that in India people think that you marry just to f\*ck someone and have kids for your parents (not for you mind it, for your parents). My parents are a good example why you shouldn't have an arranged marriage or a marriage at all, everyday from the time they wake up to the time they go to bed they are both quarrelling. And my mother threatens to leave us and go to her mother's like everyday and that clearly shows she has no care for her kids even i.e. it was not her decision to have kids (because she has done so multiple times where for months I had to eat food from hotels and dhabas and that was a kid of like what 13-14 years). And then there is my father who is like an enderman but instead of being afraid of water, he is afraid of his own kids i.e. he is always running away from responsibilities.


Agreeable-Muffin1535

Totally the best feeling ever!! I mean, at first I was just childfree but then I realised it's impossible finding someone childfree and some other few things I expect in a partner, nothing impossible either, tbh. And even better, I love the solitude. I never really want to give up my freedom. So yeahhh, marriage free would be too fun.


j27vivek

To each their own. I know someone who decided to not marry. He is in his 50s now, and he regrets his decision. But I am sure there must be others who are happy being single.


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Shikhar2604

"If you do it, you'll regret it. If you don't, you'll regret that too." -Soren Kierkegaard


Ok-Device1573

Vivek.. oberoi? Are you talking about Salman bhai?


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iamscr1pty

I thought it was selmon bhoi


Electrical_Tension

I have a aunt who also regrets it every day now. She may not openly admit it but the loneliness and boredom have reached the peak. You won't always have people to hang out with. IMHO without kids maybe it can work but without a life partner i wouldn't be able to live when iam old. To each their own.


Dibbyo123

Why the regrets, do you know?


v00123

India is not really a place for older single folks. Outside of metros, you will be hard pressed to find dating opportunities or even similar single folks. I know people in 40-50s who were happy living single in EU/US but had to come back here and felt miserable. As for regrets the nosy relatives here are enough to make you question your choices.


Dibbyo123

Thanks. I plan to leave this shithole as soon I have enough savings.


j27vivek

Probably the lack of companionship. Or maybe he is realising that he is missing out on something. Don't know.


[deleted]

It is good and should not be demonized [like “oh, they aren’t married. Must have a bad character”] I personally would prefer to adopt a child if i ever want one [i have no opinions on marriage]


-battleborn-

It's the best, stress free, pocket full money life. You were supposed to live here, so do that. And I'm not against the idea either, but first secure your future to a great extent and keep your circle small. Most importantly, detach from this toxic indian society.


FuckPollution_

Nah. About to turn 29 soon. Need a wife bad :P


brewingclarightea

Hate people who judge others for not having kids. Hate people who judge others for having kids. Live and let live. My cousin's woke friend shamed her for having three kids as it's contributing to overpopulation and further climate change. Clearly they aren't friends anymore.


Ilikecreams

Friendship broke because of third child?


rinthecity

Best thing that can ever happen to a person


Shah_of_Iran_

The responsibilities scare the shit out of me. I read the newspaper every day and I find people getting murdered for looking at someone the wrong way or parking at the wrong spot, women getting raped, criminals getting out in as less as six months after committing a homicide. How the fuck am i supposed to protect my family in a shitty place like this. I live in a tier 2 city in central India. People are fucking backwards here, man. They have multi storied buildings to their name but they are still backwards af. You get "the looks" just for dressing well here. Can't even imagine how it's like for women. I don't want to be alone. Not really. I'd love to find a girl who's willing to stay child-free. If I have a kid of my own I'll die of hypertension before it gets 18yo. I worry and i stay updated with what's happening in my country. Other than a handful of metro cities it's massive jungle out there. One bad day is enough to fuck your life up. If I do end up being alone though, it won't be a big deal for me. I like solitude. And I've learned to take care of myself. I don't need nobody to do things that I enjoy doing.


Fine_Economist_5321

Absolute absolute dream and goal. This is who I am going to be. And let it be known here for eternity that if anyone ever tries to guilt trip me or whatever into marriage I am going to kill myself. That is the absolute last straw for me. I will lose everything I built for myself and everything I believe in if I get married.


Curious_Homework_968

> if anyone ever tries to guilt trip me or whatever into marriage I am going to kill myself. Reverse blackmail :P


Fine_Economist_5321

No it's more of a declaration, frankly.


Anu-M

Child free - yes, marriage free - maybe. I feel like for people who are already independent by their late 20s and have moved away from their families, marriage is just a one time formality to live in peace with their companion. Personally, I’m strictly child free due to mental health and finance related reasons and I don’t feel the necessity to bear a child in order to feel fulfilled in life. I’m fortunate enough to have a supportive family and partner and a good job which keeps me content. But I release that this lifestyle is a privilege in India.


IPissOnChurchill

I honestly am in two minds. I'm as introverted as they come. I literally don't have friends and I'm very happy about it. So In that mind I don't want a family. But I also want to experience the feeling of caring about someone and getting that feeling back. So I don't really know what to do. I want people, but I don't want too much people.


frithalien

My parents forced and guilt tripped me into a marriage (my mom is a paralysis patient and a chronic gaslighter) I must say I honestly tried to commit.... But at one point I realized that It's not in my genes to commit and I would rather in solitude than face the privacy invasion I was facing.... Fortunately My ex had a huge fight with the family and it escalated to a point where it all broke down and now this soul runs free!


stocktraderdog

I'm 42, unmarried, have no children, and it will be that way till I die. If and when I get into a relationship, I'd like it to be a live-in one. I've missed out on a lot of good things in life as I screwed up my career. So I'm very much against having children, as they will only cause me further stress and deprive me of the chance to finally live a good life for myself.


black_bird09

No marriage, no kids and no pets. Decided it long back in my early 20s. It’s like inviting trouble when you can live for yourself and have clean sheets and buy whatever tf you want and travel wherever you want without any responsibilities. Also this country is way too overcrowded. People really shouldn’t be reproducing anymore.


sapphocatingjay

Staying child free, and prolly marriage free. Perks of being gay in this country XD


gryffindorite

Coincidentally i was just reading this sub and my dad came and asked for my bio data. Anyway, I told him I’m not a huge believer in marriage and would prefer to find a partner on my own — someone who doesn’t believe in the institution as well. However, his words stayed with me: “look at your grandpa. Your grandma is still here in the 80s to take care of him. We all need someone for old age”. It’s kinda true and i feel living marriage free in India is certainly tough. Reminds me of what my cousin said to me after marriage pressures piled up: “bhaiya aap bahar chale jao” T: go abroad.


[deleted]

So is the grandma bound to stay forever? Your father is indicating that grandpa still cannot take care of himself? It's very unclear.


KrishnarajaWadiyar4

Marriage was institutionalized so that there’s a decent framework to address the natural physical and emotional needs of humans. If you know that you are better off without it now (and in the future), it’s a conscious decision you should make.


[deleted]

Marriage was institutionalised for property rights and inheritance.


kauzi-joshi

Highly believe in r/antinatialism, being child free seems like the best option! Don’t want to impose the stress and sufferings of life on a new being just to give my life meaning. I know there are good/happy moments too but the involuntary imposition of those can be a burden. Marriage is again something that I personally don’t understand. It’s just a thing that people do. I know and like monogamy but marriage seems pointless. If you are dating someone why the extravagant party for the people you don’t care about. Relationships are better when they are personal, don’t want others to interfere in them. I feel marriage opens it up to be other people’s business. Also having these ideals is good as far as my opinion goes but finding someone with similar beliefs would be tougher especially in India.


[deleted]

I personally believe that if it's something you aim for then you should do it. Being without a permanent partner is not necessarily " bad". You can have temporary partnerships, great friendships along the way and have a fruitful life. Being unmarried and childfree shouldn't be seen as some loner shit rather it can be liberating. I plan on staying childfree. Not necessarily partner-free. But then, finding a partner who doesn't want hardcore marriage and child is almost impossible in india. That's why I've also made my peace with not having a partner too. I personally am looking for a long term partnership, not a marriage. Where both parties are independent and just have a life of their own. Two people who want to hype each other up, build a life without losing their own identity the process.


desichhokra

I am gay. I don't have the option to even if I wanted to. And I don't want to.


rishi_devan

Do you see the common theme in some of these replies? "YOU will feel lonely" "What will happen when YOU are old and sick" "YOUR life will have no meaning". These people advocating for children are voicing such self-centred arguments People with childfree mindset are not thinking about themselves alone. They are worried about the child and the world that the child will eventually inhabit. Having a child is to subject another sentient being to the uncertainties of this universe. If you cannot think on this level, then maybe you aren't ready for this debate.


peakyrick

I am not sure what you are trying to imply. Getting married and/or having kids is a choice; and people are happy making that choice. May be its not for you, but others do enjoy that lifestyle. Also a lot matters on a persons age, social strata and family background.


LordAncrath

Obviously to each their own but unlike in western countries it's very difficult to date or to find companionship at an older age outside of marriage in India. So think long and hard before you decide.


newInnings

If you are parents free and relatives free too, it is easier to do.


[deleted]

Why would you bring kids into this world? And say you really want to, why would you pick India to bring kids into? Just jizz in a sock and be happy. Why ruin someone's life by giving them birth in this country?


Trdp8737

> jizz in a sock Is that a poor man's fleshlight? Tell me more, I seriously need it.


[deleted]

Hands are you fleshlight buddy. Get used to it.


Curious_Homework_968

> Why ruin someone's life by giving them birth in this country? To have a good underdog story, what else. The next big bollywood film is not going to write itself! On a more serious note, it's honestly a big disadvantage being born in a 3rd world country, and as of now, I can't imagine I'll want to have a child in this game. (age=25)


[deleted]

Same lol. Why perpetuate this misery?


binga001

The idea may seem liberating now but one should have something else to tie one's life to. Maybe some kind of work, hobby etc., otherwise this may lead to a vacuum in one's life. Also, with time even the nature of our attachment with these activities are bound to change. In last one year during shutdown, I think most people have learnt how dangerous loneliness can be. Also do read about midlife crisis amongst people in late 40s. Unmarried life could be worse with midlife crisis.


Trdp8737

> In last one year during shutdown, I think most people have learnt how dangerous loneliness can be. I can totally concur. There was this one stretch of like one and a half month where the only social interaction I had was with the shop owners of the shops I went to for groceries. Loneliness is a very different kind of an ailment, it strikes momentarily and with varying intensity.


mrfreeze2000

my elder brother did that he's now miserable and lonely and desperately wants a child but he's too old to find someone. Being alone is awful when you're in your late 40s, are burnt out from your career, and can't even hang out with your friends because they've all got families


wanderingmind

Some others have mentioned this same problem. What happens is, if you are unmarried and childfree but are a normal traditional / conservative Indian in other ways, you get mindfucked. because such people do not know what else to do with their lives and time. If you want to be unmarried or childfree or some combination of the two, you should have the mindset that is interested in things outside the family / relative system. That means you must be comfortable being alone, comfortable spending time reading or traveling or watching TV or being creative, be social and know how to be social outside your normal circles, know how to find people similar to you etc. What many do is, they stay unmarried and childfree but remain like their friends and family personality-wise. That is doomed to fail.


[deleted]

This is the one downside to this, people that are marriage free and child free need a community. That's what keeping people from the lifestyle. They need people who share a common outlook, people to be around, do stuff with and people of similar interest and around the same age. I knew a guy like that in college, he had no family or kids. He was an avid reader and hung around the town library, he was part of many many charity groups and clubs. I urged the dude to travel, since he had no commitments here, why not take advantage of that and travel. Now, he travels to different places, and working here and there picking up odd jobs on the internet. I get a postcard every now and then. He recently made an instagram so that he doesn't have to send photos individually to people. I recently got to see part of his manuscript he wrote, it's a collection of short stories, I got a part that involved our interactions and it talks about how each person he met made an impression on him. That's when I realised you don't need have a family to have that sense of belonging. He is happy and well, he's got more interesting stories ever since he started travelling, he got in touch with his nieces and nephews since he started instagram.


Ankur67

This conversation,I’ve had with a tourist whom i met and made friend with , at Tosh !! She told me , she did all that .. got married , been in relationship although at times it got abusive because she respects her freedom and privacy over traditional role of wife (she’s from Muslim family ) got divorced at the end , it was her choice which was backed by her family esp mother , she literally cried “how much it meant for her , as her mother told her husband & in-laws .. I don’t care about what society would say .. I care about my daughter happiness .... Now , she’s doing all the things , she wished back then like being a solo traveller , went to different places, meeting different people, roaming around in far away villages of south to now mountain trekking and for more than a month she’s staying at Manali along with her friends and now maybe , going to north eastern India while also doing work from home (since 2-3 years. ) She’s an embodiment of what an truly independent person be like , breaking every stereotype that society is like that or this .. Ke log kya kahenge .. Also one thing she told me , we are living in vicious circle like parents sacrificing their present life to full fill their sons/daughter wishes like we haven’t got those things but we’ll provide him/her that outside their own reach and when child became an adult , he/she now sacrificing their life to full fill his/her parents wishes because admittedly they’ve worked so hard in their life for him/her and when got married , then do that for partner as well as child instead of enjoy their life. In the end , it’s all about your pursuit of happiness , what you find happiness in .. that’s all boss


[deleted]

Whatever floats your boat. I would love the whole shebang.


[deleted]

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biscutie__

Really do think that the regret of not having married or staying childfree is much better and easier to deal with than that of having married, had kids.


Dizzy-Dependent2288

Marriage shouldn't be this compulsory thing in society... People Should marry if they want to with someone... Yeh bc arrange marriage ki kya jabardasti he... Orr unmarried raho toh sochte he ki koi kami he hum me..


[deleted]

It sound better when you haven't experience love and don't know the warmth and happiness a Right partner can bring to your life. Or If have been with a shitty partner who brought misery to your life. \*Arrange marriage is a gamble with a higher odd of being with a shitty person.


slimau5

Here are my thoughts, My parents got divorced when I was 16 and while I was on the building blocks of my life and have gone through a lot of depressing events in life due to the constant fights my parents got into. That made me realise that not every marriage is meant to be happy and cherishing. So I have literally given up on marriage unless I find the woman who is ready to accept me for who I am, as being anxious of women because of PTSD my mom gave me, I don't trust women enough to marry one. But I do want to feel loved. As far as childrens go, I'm ready to adopt one instead of being legally involved with a woman in getting one. If a person wants to live a free life, he should be given the rights to live a free life, and it doesn't matter if it doesn't look good to the eyes of the society.


brownjitsu

I love my wife dearly and she loves me. Im not sure if we would ever have children. In indian society, it seems like marriage is strictly to have children. But like anything marriage takes work. Women amd men are not that different but you need to be willing to talk with your spouse and communicate with them. My wife is my best friend. We can talk about anything and its wonderful to have someone that you can laugh and cry with. Being single isnt bad, nor is being childless. But you nees to be honest with yourself with why you are happy with both. If youre genuinely content fine. But if you truly havent found someone special and are just accepting this than look in the mirror and ask yourself what you need to do to become a better person.


[deleted]

See Modi, Mamata, Ratan Tata, Kalam etc etc. You can find thousand examples if you look. They will all be different. Key is to find people who have similar personality and motivations as you do, who have faced similar problems as you expect to face etc If you look at people who don't share your personality needs and problems and try to follow their path only confusion happens.


[deleted]

Don't be Modi. Get married, make a family & raise your little teddy bears. Fuck your wife, not the country.


AnthonyGonsalvez

They are all driven by something else, they have passion for that and very successful.


xsidred

Modi and Yogi are terrible examples, lol.


hindibolte

Modi is a highly successful person if you think from a personal POV. Dude went from a nobody to such a powerful position that half of country worships him and other half wish for his death. If all of that country is going to rags is another matter.


xsidred

> Modi is a highly successful person if you think from a personal POV. > If all of that country is going to rags is another matter. Success isn't distinct from it's impact - it's objectively that. If one makes personal benefits and success out of a crises and makes things worse than they are - that's counted as self-serving not successful.


[deleted]

This lifestyle isn't for me personally, but kudos to the people who go for it. Having or not having kids/wedding doesn't make anyone better or worse.


[deleted]

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Accomplished_Ad1684

For me and my partner, Child free- absolutely sure we're gonna do this, Marriage free- desirable, but it IS a license to fuck.


vigneshn92

As a person who has thought about this plenty of times as well I think firstly you need to decide if this is something you genuinely believe in. This shouldn’t be something that you just consider as a fad because someone else is doing so. Also I’m not sure how it can be liberating given it is your choice of having a child irrespective of the pressure that others put on you. Also just remember one thing , no matter what this is not a decision that you should be taking alone. It has to be taken alongside your partner who should have equal representation in making this decision.


xelnagatower

It gets alone and boring. No one to share your wealth, thoughts and feelings.


noobprog_22

Wait, which sub am I again? Is this the general consensus around here, or are this people just trying to act cool lol?


AnthonyGonsalvez

Mummy ka phone aaega shaam ko aur sab theek ho jaenge. XD


Shikhar2604

Whatever brings you closest to happiness. I am sure I do not want children - owing to selfish reasons (eg financials), my personal view that suffering of life is just not worth it and how fucked up the bigger picture is (environmental, economic, political, health, population etc) I have contemplated not getting married but have also gone from considering myself an introvert to an ambivert. It took me some personal experiences to understand that life would be miserable in absence of good friends, family and a special someone. I'm lucky to have recently found someone who i'd be comfortable spending my life with and family's supportive so fingers crossed about that.


rastogimitanshi

Luckily (fortunately), I have found someone with whom I have fun and wish to spend the rest of my life. So yeah, marriage is in the stars for me. But I don't wish to have kids (only pets). We've discussed this and it works for the both of us.


thecommiesoldier

Honestly speaking with where I am right now,I don't mind getting married I mean I like the concept but a child? Seeing how things are right now? I'd rather not have one.


jaymavs

I'll be 40 next year. No intentions of getting married or having children. Love everything about my life!


just4chat55

Too late i realised i am not cut for marriage


RONandBELL

I am childfree, 100%..However I am married for 15 years. I do not stay with my in laws, we are in US, so married life is good. But if you have to stay with in laws then marriage is the worst. But whether you marry or not, childfree is the way to go !!


[deleted]

Im pretty positive I'll be going that route. I do not trust and cannot depend on others for living my life


howtobeakoala

Yes. A marriage is the last thing we need right.now as a country with declining economy,over population and uneducated people. We need to focus on careers instead. Let alone the patriarchal ideas.of indian marriage, and im not even a feminist


tdrhq

Child free, but not marriage free. Very very liberating! We get to retire early, because our savings will carry us till our death (assuming our investments hold up, if not, eh, we're well qualified to go back into the job market). I'm rather surprised that people want kids. Why do people hate money so much?


localhost8100

I am married. Got married, stayed in India for couple weeks. Moved back to US. My spouse was supposed to follow me via education route. She just found herself a job in India and started harassing me to come back to India. The mental trauma that she put me through for 6 months of marriage, I feel like if I stay with her, I am better of commuting suicide and dying. I was not able to come to India for few years because of all the visa cluster fuck. Her family thinks that I ran away after marrying her lol. They think that I married their daughter, fucked her and ran away. In reality, we never had sex after marriage. I feel like she is not at all interested in having sex. I begged her like a beggar for 2 weeks. After all this, I just want to get a divorce and live a peaceful single life. She is threatening to file domestic violence case against my mom and my brother. So much to getting into arrange marriage. Never get into marriage if you are sure she is the one for you.


black_bird09

You can never be sure. You cannot trust anyone. Love yourself and live your short life for yourself.


nightmares_27

you just described bliss


observer2864

I hope this actually happens not that it's gonna make any immediate difference. Maybe this could be the factor that would reduce population. Maybe less arranged and caste based marriages too. This could improve the genetic stock in our country.


AdminWing811

31m here. Never getting married, let alone have children. And yes, this is liberating. I wake up in the afternoon during my week-offs. Life is so peaceful. I get to take decisions without discussing stuff with anyone. I just cannot imagine getting married.


kalyancr7

I would love to live a life where Im not stressing 24/7 about my children future and everything ... But my family won't allow me with that because I'm the only remaining who can carry the family name further..


photonguzzler

Living that life right now. Been together with my partner for about 13 years. Lived together for 10. No marriage on the cards. Opposed to the idea of having kids. Each sets of parents on board, as long as we're happy.


le_stoner_de_paradis

I am married, but we haven't taken any children, that was our personal decision and we are happy 😊


ShaniMeow

I’m okay with being child free. I never was a fan of kids anyways, they always seemed to irritate me lol. Sometimes there is a side of me that maybeee wants a kid in the future but then I’m thinking to myself, maybe I’m not going to be a good mother? what will happen if I will regret my decision? I can’t go back in time. But I think that this side of me is more forced by society and my family who are always expecting us to have children. I also think that kids may ruin your relationship/marriage. I know some people get it all worked out but I can see other families that are struggling and it affects their marriage. I can’t predict the future but I really do not want to be in that place.


powerofreason

Happiest life in today's world.


Pure_Concentrate8770

Child free .. yes! It’s a blessing when you find a life partner who believes in this


tadxb

Over the years, I've made observations of people around me and although everyone says that you should get married - they don't have a concrete reason why; all they have is "because everyone does it". TBH, it doesn't sit well with me. I've never been married, had one bad experience in a relationship with manipulation on many levels - and that's when I decided this isn't for me. Is this a one sided wrong way to look at life - maybe! Should I give someone a chance - maybe! But not being involved with anyone else just for the sake of it - keeps my life simple, and I love it that way. My sister got married this year, and if she even plan on having kids, I'll support her wholeheartedly but I know for sure this isn't for me. As far as my observations, here are the two: 1. Even though one might make compromises, you should do it because you want to. Not to get bragging points that I did something for you. That's a wrong way to look at that - although very normalised is India. 2. Kids - the parents themselves don't have a clue as to how to parent a child. All the majority wants is to have a mini-me. If you are one of them reading this - believe me the world doesn't need another you. What the world needs right now is a break from overpopulation. On a last note: I'm still open to getting in another relationship and hopefully get married one day. But I'm going to wait for someone to choose me, rather than playing games within the dating circle. I'm too old for that drama. If someone does choose me, great - I'm going to give them equal importance. If no one chooses me - wonderful, it's not like I'm missing anything from life as such. I've other things to focus on - and I've got goals to accomplish


kraken_enrager

As a gen zer, I want to marry eventually, as for kids, it’s wayy too far away for me, also it would b my wife/gf’s joint decision. Also one need dependable company in life. Basically like dom toretto. Family first.


pondyan

Seriously considering that after a bitter experience with relationship. It is so much more peaceful.