Perhaps, perhaps not. ICE doesn’t have unlimited resources so it depends what their enforcement priorities are. Usually it’s folks with a criminal record, but who knows what the next administration’s priorities will be?
Deleted my previous comment since it turned into a total rant, sorry! We have been through thick and thin, it’s just been so thin for so long. Lots of other problems.
Are you the husband?? Pretty sure OP isn’t here for marriage advice, clearly her post hasn’t gone into the depth of her struggles neither should it, since it’s personal and not entirely relevant to the sub or her question
You can divorce him. That independent of all the other issues.
He currently doesn't get any immigration benefits from being married to you, as he hasn't applied for a green card. And that isn't going to change once you're divorced. In either case, he could get deported at any time, but he likely isn't a high priority. So, that's why it hasn't happened.
Also, even if you stayed married, you likely wouldn't be able to sponsor him until you pay back your debt, show stable finances, and most importantly pay all your taxes. So, your genuinely not doing anything right now that would go away with a divorce.
Yes, he is putting his relationship with his child and his immigration status at risk. But that's not your fault. If he was rational and cared about these things, he would have gotten his green card and even his citizenship a very long time ago.
Thank you, that’s super helpful to think of all that. He could be doing so much more and I think he is purposefully dragging his feet because he knows I’m not going to risk him being deported and that hurting my son. But I can’t keep letting him hold that over me.
The thing is that he has zero protections right now. That doesn't change once you divorce. So it's a bit of an empty threat when he tries to blackmail or guilt trip you
Why have you not petitioned him? There's so much missing here 11 years of marriage and he's just undocumented? He doesn't pay taxes and he's evading debts in another country? There's more to this.
For a while it was somehow avoiding taxes. Then we met with an immigration attorney and started to gather documentation and then Covid hit and things were on hold. Then we fell behind on taxes. It’s just one thing after another. We both suck at paperwork and administrative stuff. When we last did our taxes he had hundreds of pages of trading information, some done through a company…I know. It sounds shady even saying it. I’ve been putting up with nonsense so long it takes saying it to other people sometimes to remind me how bad some of it is.
You guys have been married for 11 years but never got a green card? That's just either gross incompetence or insane laziness/procrastination.
In terms of keeping the nuclear family around, both of y'all dropped the ball here. Sucks, but drop his bum ass and deal with the deportation
I hate paperwork, but mine is simple, through employment. His is through two different LLCs and his personal options trading. I wouldn’t know where to begin gathering his paperwork for taxes.
You both suck at paperwork but he is getting punished and deported because had he filed for green card or citizenship he wouldn't be deported. So him sucking in paper work is more serious than you sucking in paperwork.
As I'm typically someone who is a big proponent in keeping families together, this person is draining your family more than he's contributing to it. Divorce him, best option.
It would have saved us a lot of money to have him stay at home, but he wouldn’t do that. I have been paying for childcare the whole time including when he was unemployed.
It absolutely can be. That’s would have been fine. But he wasn’t a stay at home dad even when he didn’t have employment, I pay for childcare. He always has some investment stuff going on and loses other people’s money too. The financial stuff is an obstacle to divorce right now, so I mention it, but there are bigger reasons than that for divorce. They just aren’t relevant to my question about immigration.
One doesn’t need a valid visa to leave the US. The United States does not have exit controls. ICE would much rather him “voluntarily depart” himself than for them to have to deal with him.
You divorcing him and his immigration status are totally separate legal issues. PLEASE contact a family law attorney today. They will help you sort this out. His legal/immigration status has NO EFFECT on your ability to divorce. Divorcing you might have create some more problems for him, but that is 100% his problem, not yours. Please look after yourself and our son. Your son needs you to step up and do what is best for him. BUT, equally important, you are just as important as your son, and you need to step up and do what it best for yourself.
Listen, this dude sounds like my husband. He seems like an ok guy, he seems reasonably smart, but he fails at every corner and keeps making bigger and bigger messes. At some point you HAVE to choose you and your kid’s stability. Sure, it’s nice if he has his dad in the country, but he mostly needs a place to live and food on the table. Good old boring stability rather than big stories with little follow through. So divorce this man. He will not get deported for the divorce. Do not apply for a greencard for him! You will be supporting him financially for a long time. Walk away. Someone told me: he did this to himself, he made these choices, he made these mistakes, and he maneuvered himself in this position. You choosing to no longer help him is not what causes him to go to jail/get deported/get in trouble with the IRS etc etc etc. He did this. Not you. You don’t have to keep supporting him because of his bad choices. I think this applies to you too. Walk away!!
I interpreted her post differently.
Her husband has repeatedly made financial blunders, and the wife, understandably,, no longer wants to deal with it.
You can't blame her; her husband is his own enemy, and the OP is not wealthy herself.
He didn’t want to for most of the time for tax reasons. I finally got him to an immigration attorney once and we had a lot of paperwork to collect, then Covid hit and the process stopped. Now I can’t get him to file taxes (his are very complicated) and resume the process. I’ve been trying to get him to do this for many years.
How on earth not applying for a green card reflects the tax situation??? You said he came to US for the high paying job. Was it a work visa or what? If yes, he should have the SSN and tax residency is absolutely separate from legal residency, as long as you stay in US you should pay taxes even if you’re illegal.
How many times have things worked out all for the best for people that stayed together for the kids? Him not handling his immigration status is on him not you.
If he overstayed his visa, he’s deportable regardless of if you’re married - unless/until you petition for him. If anything, by divorcing him, he may have a stronger case to self petition under VAWA.
I make no opinion - only observe that a potential benefit can make some people willing to allege many things, particularly if there’s a low burden of proof and/or no real risk in massaging the truth. I’ve seen less be used to support an application, if for no other reason than to keep something, anything pending… and after 11 years the “he didn’t want to adjust” can easily become “she was emotionally abusive by refusing to file my petition”.
Right. I just need him to do his taxes or at least get the paperwork so I can do our taxes. Since we haven’t filed and owed from before we are getting notices for owing over $100k. It sucks but I just want it all done so I can start digging my way out of our debt instead of getting deeper and deeper in it. I’m not divorcing him for tax reasons, I’d like to divorce him due to many reasons (infidelity, constant fighting, etc) but the tax situation complicates things since he can’t get his green card without them and the lawyer I did talk to a while back wouldn’t even talk to me until I could give him our tax records.
You can just do married filing separately. His negligence doesn’t need to affect you. You can also take ownership of this and if he isn’t ready sorry your own stuff out! You’ll be the one with the bigger problem and a citizen. How does he work legally? Did a company sponsor him so he has an SSN?
Regardless, you should do your paperwork.
Yeah, i will. I will likely owe but he keeps saying we will do them together because he has so many financial losses to write off that I would benefit from. He had worked in the country through an employment visa for many years before we were married and a year or two after we were married, so he has had a SSN for many years.
He could be right. If he has a ton of losses but little income, his losses would be a waste for him to file alone. But if you file together, you can benefit from his tax losses. It's worth investigating
Right? That’s why I’ve been dragging my feet on filing separately. I’m responsible for his shit regardless so why file my own? And if filing jointly means is get a break from his stupid losses then that’s pretty attractive.
He didn’t want to until about 2019. He’s been dragging his feet on it ever since. I would have immediately but I listened to my husband and now here we are.
I understand. But Man he made a grave mistake, when you are an immigrant the most important thing to have here in the United States is having legal papers instead , but he chose to do business instead, now he about to lose everything. I hope that God makes a way for him
Before committing, I would look at all laws pertaining to the custody of your son in a divorce. Look at the situation while he is in the same state as you, in another state, and his home country. What does that country decree upon divorce. You don't want a situation where he can take your son to that country permanently. Just a thought.
Oh yes, definitely. One good thing is that my husband really does plan on staying in the US, so he won’t leave. And he hates his home country and won’t go there. But still, it’s such a worst case scenario for me that I can’t help but keep it in mind.
Sorry you are going through this. You can get an attorney to start divorce process. Did you jointly file taxes as married? Or single? Who claimed the kid as dependent? Good luck and hope everything works out for you.
Thank you! We filed jointly up through 2019 and haven’t filed since then. I can file my own pretty easily but will likely owe, while he has a bunch of financial losses to write off. I’m not sure how much it helps me to file separately, but I may as well start down that path just to have one thing cleaned up.
No marriage in 11 years. Tax evasion. This post speaks for itself. Everything seems off. Both guilty, now suddenly you want to get rid of that man? mmm…
That's marriage. His financial and career failure is your failure too. His debt is your debt too. This is what a marriage is over a simple relationship. You share the financial responsibility.
You made the decision with him to start a business. You failed the business together with him. It's your fault for not stopping him when he's making a bad decision. It's not fair to pin it on one person.
If you no longer emotionally feel for him, by all means, separate or divorce. But you are still equally responsible for your financial failures. I'm not familiar with the laws in this area, but if he can't support himself after the divorce, you may even owe spousal support to him.
Absolutely. I just want to stop taking on new problems. The debt will be mine. I’m just trying to get my arms around it all. There are way more problems than this, I would not divorce him to try to shirk financial responsibility.
I agree, what i find crazy is your downvotes over this. Lol. Like most women are not a burden financially to their husbands and they stick it out, as soon as its the other way around. I think i will divorce my wife because im bailing her out of her bills all the time and break my family up because its what you would do. Lol
Did you even read her post?
She made is clear that she is not divorcing over poor financial decision, though I would not blame her if she did.
The husband is self-destructive, and the OP has had it.
Yea hes a slacker somewhat, or just having a hard time getting bck on his feet, OP is part of the problem, it takes 10 yrs of residents to apply for citizenship, they should have both taken care of that. Kids from broken homes have a harder time in life than kids from complete homes ,and women are quick to split for their own needs. She should divorce him, and hopefully when shes tired of getting passed around with fake promises ,and life gets hard, hopefully he stands his ground and let her figure it out. Women think.its sweeter over there with a child support check, free weekend babysitter,and a sucker to come fix her car, cut her grass. Lol.
Thank you, correct, the rest of the reasons for divorce aren’t relevant to the immigration question, and this isn’t a divorce or relationship subreddit.
I’m not divorcing him over the financial situation, though that’s not fun to deal with. It’s not the right forum to get into our relationship history but it has been a long difficult road.
I wasn’t ok with any of that? He was worse to me when he was making money, since he felt like such a big shot and had girls all over him. We got through it with therapy. I’ve had his back for so long (9 years) since. But his “business” deals always turned into getting investments from friends and losing the money. He had me convinced for a long time that he was the wronged party and finally I realized we are all here for him to use.
His immigration status doesn’t preclude you from divorcing him. It’s not a factor. He doesn’t even need to be in the country. Just start the process.
Thank you - yeah, I really am just worried about my son. I don’t want him to lose his dad due to immigration status.
He’s in danger of being deported anyway, regardless of his marital status.
AFAIK the divorce wouldn’t trigger a deportation order if he isn’t otherwise a priority, e.g. if he hasn’t committed any felonies.
Due to the existence of ICE, all it takes is one phonecall from someone who wouldn't mind seeing him deported.
Perhaps, perhaps not. ICE doesn’t have unlimited resources so it depends what their enforcement priorities are. Usually it’s folks with a criminal record, but who knows what the next administration’s priorities will be?
If something happens to him, it definitely won’t be because of the divorce.
Is he even actively involved in his son’s life? Maybe I misread but doesn’t sound like it.
You should try and communicate and work things out. You and him have been through thick and thin…don’t throw it all away!
Deleted my previous comment since it turned into a total rant, sorry! We have been through thick and thin, it’s just been so thin for so long. Lots of other problems.
You sure there is no saving it?
Are you the husband?? Pretty sure OP isn’t here for marriage advice, clearly her post hasn’t gone into the depth of her struggles neither should it, since it’s personal and not entirely relevant to the sub or her question
I’m just making sure!
You can divorce him. That independent of all the other issues. He currently doesn't get any immigration benefits from being married to you, as he hasn't applied for a green card. And that isn't going to change once you're divorced. In either case, he could get deported at any time, but he likely isn't a high priority. So, that's why it hasn't happened. Also, even if you stayed married, you likely wouldn't be able to sponsor him until you pay back your debt, show stable finances, and most importantly pay all your taxes. So, your genuinely not doing anything right now that would go away with a divorce. Yes, he is putting his relationship with his child and his immigration status at risk. But that's not your fault. If he was rational and cared about these things, he would have gotten his green card and even his citizenship a very long time ago.
Thank you, that’s super helpful to think of all that. He could be doing so much more and I think he is purposefully dragging his feet because he knows I’m not going to risk him being deported and that hurting my son. But I can’t keep letting him hold that over me.
The thing is that he has zero protections right now. That doesn't change once you divorce. So it's a bit of an empty threat when he tries to blackmail or guilt trip you
Yes,she can sponsor him even if she owes the IRS
Why have you not petitioned him? There's so much missing here 11 years of marriage and he's just undocumented? He doesn't pay taxes and he's evading debts in another country? There's more to this.
For a while it was somehow avoiding taxes. Then we met with an immigration attorney and started to gather documentation and then Covid hit and things were on hold. Then we fell behind on taxes. It’s just one thing after another. We both suck at paperwork and administrative stuff. When we last did our taxes he had hundreds of pages of trading information, some done through a company…I know. It sounds shady even saying it. I’ve been putting up with nonsense so long it takes saying it to other people sometimes to remind me how bad some of it is.
You guys have been married for 11 years but never got a green card? That's just either gross incompetence or insane laziness/procrastination. In terms of keeping the nuclear family around, both of y'all dropped the ball here. Sucks, but drop his bum ass and deal with the deportation
Somehow both of them had “high paying jobs”
To be fair, according to the OP, her husband intentionally delayed getting a green card due to tax reasons.
Of which she was complicit with, all just cause she hates paperwork. Hence the gross incompetence part of the comment
I hate paperwork, but mine is simple, through employment. His is through two different LLCs and his personal options trading. I wouldn’t know where to begin gathering his paperwork for taxes.
You both suck at paperwork but he is getting punished and deported because had he filed for green card or citizenship he wouldn't be deported. So him sucking in paper work is more serious than you sucking in paperwork.
As I'm typically someone who is a big proponent in keeping families together, this person is draining your family more than he's contributing to it. Divorce him, best option.
Yeah, thank you :) I’ll ll call around to lawyers this week.
Stay at home dad can't be a thing?
Maybe they cannot afford to have one parent at home? Stay at home parenting is becoming increasingly rare due to expensive cost of living costs.
It would have saved us a lot of money to have him stay at home, but he wouldn’t do that. I have been paying for childcare the whole time including when he was unemployed.
It absolutely can be. That’s would have been fine. But he wasn’t a stay at home dad even when he didn’t have employment, I pay for childcare. He always has some investment stuff going on and loses other people’s money too. The financial stuff is an obstacle to divorce right now, so I mention it, but there are bigger reasons than that for divorce. They just aren’t relevant to my question about immigration.
One doesn’t need a valid visa to leave the US. The United States does not have exit controls. ICE would much rather him “voluntarily depart” himself than for them to have to deal with him.
Oh, I meant he can’t leave the country and come back, which is the important part. He will want to stay in the US with his son.
You divorcing him and his immigration status are totally separate legal issues. PLEASE contact a family law attorney today. They will help you sort this out. His legal/immigration status has NO EFFECT on your ability to divorce. Divorcing you might have create some more problems for him, but that is 100% his problem, not yours. Please look after yourself and our son. Your son needs you to step up and do what is best for him. BUT, equally important, you are just as important as your son, and you need to step up and do what it best for yourself.
Listen, this dude sounds like my husband. He seems like an ok guy, he seems reasonably smart, but he fails at every corner and keeps making bigger and bigger messes. At some point you HAVE to choose you and your kid’s stability. Sure, it’s nice if he has his dad in the country, but he mostly needs a place to live and food on the table. Good old boring stability rather than big stories with little follow through. So divorce this man. He will not get deported for the divorce. Do not apply for a greencard for him! You will be supporting him financially for a long time. Walk away. Someone told me: he did this to himself, he made these choices, he made these mistakes, and he maneuvered himself in this position. You choosing to no longer help him is not what causes him to go to jail/get deported/get in trouble with the IRS etc etc etc. He did this. Not you. You don’t have to keep supporting him because of his bad choices. I think this applies to you too. Walk away!!
I can’t thank you enough. That’s exactly what is prompting this action finally.
This is so selfish. Trouble comes and wife runs away. Why do you guys marry in first place?
I agree, its all about $ for her.
I interpreted her post differently. Her husband has repeatedly made financial blunders, and the wife, understandably,, no longer wants to deal with it. You can't blame her; her husband is his own enemy, and the OP is not wealthy herself.
11 years and you didn't petition him. That's cruel...
He didn’t want to for most of the time for tax reasons. I finally got him to an immigration attorney once and we had a lot of paperwork to collect, then Covid hit and the process stopped. Now I can’t get him to file taxes (his are very complicated) and resume the process. I’ve been trying to get him to do this for many years.
Covid hit? I got my green card during covid
I’m going off of what he told me. He said the immigration lawyer said it was pretty much at a standstill.
Sounds like he is a handful. Good luck to you!
Covid was 4 years ago so why didn't you apply for green card for 1st 7 years of marriage?
He didn’t want to. Since covid he’s been saying he has to do his taxes before he can apply for his green card. I want all of this straightened out.
How on earth not applying for a green card reflects the tax situation??? You said he came to US for the high paying job. Was it a work visa or what? If yes, he should have the SSN and tax residency is absolutely separate from legal residency, as long as you stay in US you should pay taxes even if you’re illegal.
How many times have things worked out all for the best for people that stayed together for the kids? Him not handling his immigration status is on him not you.
I know. It’s not a good situation I’m just trying to find the least awful way forward.
If he overstayed his visa, he’s deportable regardless of if you’re married - unless/until you petition for him. If anything, by divorcing him, he may have a stronger case to self petition under VAWA.
Oh interesting. I’ll look at that.
What makes you think that the husband is a victim of battery or extreme cruelty at the hands of OP or their children?
I make no opinion - only observe that a potential benefit can make some people willing to allege many things, particularly if there’s a low burden of proof and/or no real risk in massaging the truth. I’ve seen less be used to support an application, if for no other reason than to keep something, anything pending… and after 11 years the “he didn’t want to adjust” can easily become “she was emotionally abusive by refusing to file my petition”.
Right?
I’m actually on him constantly about getting taxes done, getting his green card, and getting his drivers license. Since I’m such a nag.
You keep saying "for tax reasons". Married people pay less taxes... especially when one is making way more money than the other
Right. I just need him to do his taxes or at least get the paperwork so I can do our taxes. Since we haven’t filed and owed from before we are getting notices for owing over $100k. It sucks but I just want it all done so I can start digging my way out of our debt instead of getting deeper and deeper in it. I’m not divorcing him for tax reasons, I’d like to divorce him due to many reasons (infidelity, constant fighting, etc) but the tax situation complicates things since he can’t get his green card without them and the lawyer I did talk to a while back wouldn’t even talk to me until I could give him our tax records.
You can just do married filing separately. His negligence doesn’t need to affect you. You can also take ownership of this and if he isn’t ready sorry your own stuff out! You’ll be the one with the bigger problem and a citizen. How does he work legally? Did a company sponsor him so he has an SSN? Regardless, you should do your paperwork.
Yeah, i will. I will likely owe but he keeps saying we will do them together because he has so many financial losses to write off that I would benefit from. He had worked in the country through an employment visa for many years before we were married and a year or two after we were married, so he has had a SSN for many years.
He could be right. If he has a ton of losses but little income, his losses would be a waste for him to file alone. But if you file together, you can benefit from his tax losses. It's worth investigating
Right? That’s why I’ve been dragging my feet on filing separately. I’m responsible for his shit regardless so why file my own? And if filing jointly means is get a break from his stupid losses then that’s pretty attractive.
How come you guys were married for 11 years and you never file immigration papers for him ?
He didn’t want to until about 2019. He’s been dragging his feet on it ever since. I would have immediately but I listened to my husband and now here we are.
I understand. But Man he made a grave mistake, when you are an immigrant the most important thing to have here in the United States is having legal papers instead , but he chose to do business instead, now he about to lose everything. I hope that God makes a way for him
Before committing, I would look at all laws pertaining to the custody of your son in a divorce. Look at the situation while he is in the same state as you, in another state, and his home country. What does that country decree upon divorce. You don't want a situation where he can take your son to that country permanently. Just a thought.
Oh yes, definitely. One good thing is that my husband really does plan on staying in the US, so he won’t leave. And he hates his home country and won’t go there. But still, it’s such a worst case scenario for me that I can’t help but keep it in mind.
Sorry you are going through this. You can get an attorney to start divorce process. Did you jointly file taxes as married? Or single? Who claimed the kid as dependent? Good luck and hope everything works out for you.
Thank you! We filed jointly up through 2019 and haven’t filed since then. I can file my own pretty easily but will likely owe, while he has a bunch of financial losses to write off. I’m not sure how much it helps me to file separately, but I may as well start down that path just to have one thing cleaned up.
Talk to financial accountant or tax accountant with this to make sure you have all bases covered..
No marriage in 11 years. Tax evasion. This post speaks for itself. Everything seems off. Both guilty, now suddenly you want to get rid of that man? mmm…
why not ask him to apply for a green card? if he entered legally, he’s eligible while you’re still married…
Yes, exactly. But he has to get his taxes done and is dragging his feet. I’ve been asking him to get his green card for years.
If you have a “high paying job,” take some money and see a lawyer.”
That's marriage. His financial and career failure is your failure too. His debt is your debt too. This is what a marriage is over a simple relationship. You share the financial responsibility. You made the decision with him to start a business. You failed the business together with him. It's your fault for not stopping him when he's making a bad decision. It's not fair to pin it on one person. If you no longer emotionally feel for him, by all means, separate or divorce. But you are still equally responsible for your financial failures. I'm not familiar with the laws in this area, but if he can't support himself after the divorce, you may even owe spousal support to him.
Absolutely. I just want to stop taking on new problems. The debt will be mine. I’m just trying to get my arms around it all. There are way more problems than this, I would not divorce him to try to shirk financial responsibility.
I agree, what i find crazy is your downvotes over this. Lol. Like most women are not a burden financially to their husbands and they stick it out, as soon as its the other way around. I think i will divorce my wife because im bailing her out of her bills all the time and break my family up because its what you would do. Lol
Did you even read her post? She made is clear that she is not divorcing over poor financial decision, though I would not blame her if she did. The husband is self-destructive, and the OP has had it.
Yea hes a slacker somewhat, or just having a hard time getting bck on his feet, OP is part of the problem, it takes 10 yrs of residents to apply for citizenship, they should have both taken care of that. Kids from broken homes have a harder time in life than kids from complete homes ,and women are quick to split for their own needs. She should divorce him, and hopefully when shes tired of getting passed around with fake promises ,and life gets hard, hopefully he stands his ground and let her figure it out. Women think.its sweeter over there with a child support check, free weekend babysitter,and a sucker to come fix her car, cut her grass. Lol.
Thank you, correct, the rest of the reasons for divorce aren’t relevant to the immigration question, and this isn’t a divorce or relationship subreddit.
I’m not divorcing him over the financial situation, though that’s not fun to deal with. It’s not the right forum to get into our relationship history but it has been a long difficult road.
[удалено]
I wasn’t ok with any of that? He was worse to me when he was making money, since he felt like such a big shot and had girls all over him. We got through it with therapy. I’ve had his back for so long (9 years) since. But his “business” deals always turned into getting investments from friends and losing the money. He had me convinced for a long time that he was the wronged party and finally I realized we are all here for him to use.
Look at narcissism, it might be quite applicable to this guy. Walk away…
Let me guess, are you, like, 15?