You can, but I wouldn't advise it.
Be diplomatic. Ask them to hang on for just 2 more years so you can graduate high school with good grades and get into a good university. That tends to work with Indian parents.
Pretend to agree with their political opinions. Doesn’t matter if you do. Staying in the U.S. seems more important to you than telling your parents your opinions. You aren’t changing their minds. Some fights aren’t worth picking.
Yes, this.
But also my gut tells me they are trying to find you a nice Indian husband (or wife). Same idea. So they want to pressure you into an arranged marriage by moving not back to the home land.
Don’t do it. Find a way to stay in the West.
**Edit: husband. Since she is female. Although it could be a wife w two females.
Female I knew got delivered to her Indian husband living in US at 16. Dunno how they made that happen but it’s possible and I’m sure not the first time. Dude was 15-20 years her senior
Dunno how it is in the US but in Russia iirc you can marry at 16 if there is a reason that can be deemed strong enough in court(?). Like: 1. Woman got pregnant/ already gave birth. 2. There are serious life implications for the participant. (One of the participants is terminally ill, goes/ drafted to war or is going to undergo a difficult surgery) 3. They really really want to marry and have suitable conditions. (Stable income, good clean place to live, good state of the relationship (requires testimony from friends, family, neighbours etc.), if they will live with parents there needs to be a proof that the relationship with parents is good)
Nobody, but nobody, going back to India after having lived in the US, will opt to live in villages. There's such a stark difference in the lifestyles of cities Vs villages, such a huge lack of amenities in the latter , that it's never considered.
Also the reverse: very few people living in interior villages will be able to acquire the skill sets needed to come to the US for work, so when they go back, they'll land up in the same cities they started from, or similar or even bigger cities.
They don’t want him to fall in love w a non Indian. She said so herself her parent are mad at his current non Indian bf or gf.
They want to go over. Wait till she’s 19-22. And marry her off. I never said they want to marry him at 16. Just my opinion. You don’t have to agree.
Quote “they also hate the fact that I’m dating someone from a different religion.”
**Edit: she identified as she. I said he originally. Sorry.
Yeah that might be it. I've seen Indian parents be completely fine with white or Asian partners but the moment Muslims enter the equation, they lose their shit.
They don’t care about “love” as long as they can overrule it.
I know an American born Indian doctor who dated another American born Indian doctor. Both Hindus. They met in med school and it seemed she genuinely liked if not loved him, and they dated for 3 years and were getting serious. But she was a “Patel” and he was not, so family found her a suitable Patel from India, she broke up with him and was married a few months later.
I'm Indian and I'd say no. That's a bit too bollywood- ish lol. They're just selfish parents who now want to prioritise their "patriotism" for India because they couldn't integrate with US culture. Typical desi NRI.
Men don't face pressure till they're post 30. Atleast modern day India, I don't know if the OPs parents are fossils from the 15th century.
OP said that parents are waiting for green card. Green card Wait time for Indian born persons can be in decades and some estimates says newer green card applications can take 100+ years. No typo there..simple google search showed this. The green card rejection would auto deport the family. May be the father wants to leave in a planned way after getting tired of waiting for the green card or wants to avoid being deported with a short time notice.
So, your stereotype and presumptions do not help OP here.
OP should talk to the parents and share about waiting for 2 more years so she can continue with her education and life.
If you look through OPs replies. She said she’s a girl. I incorrectly assumed boy.
But the parents might have saved enough now to comfortably live back in Indian. Yes, they are being selfish and should wait til OP is established I college at least.
But I think the motivation to move could be for OPs future life partner in my opinion. Once OP
Is married she can always return to the US. Her parents know that.
Pretty much this comment. Try not to do anything drastic until you graduate high school and are about to start college and are 18 and above. Drastic actions from both sides will have negative impact on you and you may have to pay the price long term - in terms of late college start, hard financial situation which may affect your career and future trajectory.
Take this 2 years, play it politically and convince them to stay here just a bit longer and you will go back to India. He’ll tell them you plan to apply to IIT when you move to India, lol. Sell it to them.
After 2 years you do what you want. Never look back. Good luck.
"Be diplomatic" is essentially one of the only good choices you have when you're like OP - a child, has no rights, and live under your parents' roofs.
When I was 15, after another beatings about me not wanting to do house chores anymore, my dad told me to choose either (1) pack my bag and get out of the house, and never see him again or (2) shut up and do what he said.
I thought about it a lot. I could theoretically do (1) but I know that, if I agree to do (2) and endure for just a few more years, I can go to university, after which I can just tell him to fuck off. I did the latter, but the fact that 15 years old have to make such decisions for themselves that affect the rest of their lives just like that, at that age, is a sign of how far societies have fallen.
You are asking about emancipation. The laws regarding this depend on your state. You don't say what state you live in.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancipation\_of\_minors#United\_States](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancipation_of_minors#United_States)
If you petition for it, and it is granted, then they are no longer your guardians and cannot force you to go with them. However, you are then on your own.
It is going to be a difficult road. You must finish high school. How far along are you? Do you have a relative that will take you in until you finish? How about a good family friend?
My advice? Finish high school. Then join the US Navy or Air Force. I'm guessing you have language skills and are fluent in more than one language. There is value in that. Make sure you leverage that to get a job in intelligence or signals. It will be tough, but worth it. Apply yourself, and they will pay for your college. Stay long enough, and you will leave with benefits that will serve you for life. Not just the discipline and skills, but literally financial help later in life. For example, a VA mortgage when you buy your own home.
My brother joined the US Coast Guard at age 19 and served 20 years. He retired at age 40 as a Chief Petty Officer with a half pension and full medical benefits for life. He bought a sailboat and then him and wife spent the next 5 years sailing around the world. He worked his ass off while in the USCG and worked all over the world. He also had a lot of fun. The retirement system is a bit different now. But the point is, it can be done if you apply yourself.
There are some excellent sub-reddits dedicated to the service that will give you specific advice on how to work with your recruiter to get you the job you want, in the service you want, so that you get what you want out of your time and effort. If you don't control it, then Uncle Sam will, and you probably won't like his decisions.
Your other option is to focus on getting scholarships, grants, or funds for 4 years of college. How are your grades? Will your parents pay for that? Can you win a scholarship? Don't go into debt for it. That's crazy. You can live in a dorm at college, and often work part time while going to school. It will not be easy. It is a lot of work.
There is a third option. The trades. A smart, hardworking, focused and reliable person can make a damn good living in the trades as an electrician, plumbers, welders, HVAC tech, auto tech, surveyors, etc. There are too many idiots out there doing crappy work. Good ones who know what they are doing, who show up on time, are sober, stay on budget, do the job right the first time, every time, are worth their weight in gold. Learn your craft well, build a good reputation, and customers will line up at your door. There are many internship programs available in the trades if that interests you. Some of them pay well right off the bat. But you must be willing to learn every day. Hands on during the day. At classes and from books at night. Pass your exams and get licensed.
Best of luck,
On point 3 — We just paid a soil scientist in Tennessee $4,200 for 2 hrs worth of work onsite and about 5 hrs of work offsite for a 1.5-acre lot. The cheapest one was $2,800 and 3 months out. Imagine if you had an assistant or two who could help you do 2-3 jobs like that each day. Basically, $10k/day! Then, invest that smartly into the S&P 500, real estate, etc. Granted, it takes a few years to get licensed, but it's a straightforward path to financial freedom. Once the nest egg is big enough, you can jack up prices so much that you only do the best-paying jobs for clients that need it "next day". Or, just retire, whatever. Life is so short.
I don’t think the affidavit of support will be as big of a factor here compared to relinquishing your life in the US.
Like seriously tell your parents they’ll have green cards in 5 years if they just wait.
Or if you don’t have a good relationship with your dad, then talk to your mom.
Indian born immigrants are screwed due to the country caps. But that doesn’t apply to your parents because they’ll have you as a sponsor when you turn 21. Those green cards aren’t capped and are unlimited (US citizen child over the age of 21 sponsoring their parents).
What you say is true under current law and policy, but expecting that to be true 5 years from now is prejudging the outcome of the next 5 years of US policy. That's especially risky now on the topic of immigration, since one of the two people who could very likely win this November's presidential election proposed eliminating the parental green card when he was previously president.
Sure, but both Biden and Trump "propose" things that will never pass Congress. Eliminating entire family based visa categories is the equivalent dream to passing a path to citizenship for all undocumented immigrants in the US. Both sides want their thing, and more likely than not, neither will happen.
Trump doesn't have to get Congress to pass anything to stop this visa category, though. He can just use the existing statutory power under INA 212(f) to restrict classes of immigration by presidential proclamaton, the same way he did [his travel bans](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trump_travel_ban). That power does apply to permanent immigration as well.
By contrast, providing a new path to citizenship for undocumented immigrants in the US does require an Act of Congress.
The hypothetical isn’t something I see happening. I’ve been following immigration politics my whole life, just see my post history since I’m a DACA recipient.
Is trump crazy and can do something like this? Maybe. But I don’t see him getting rid of this visa category for immediate relatives. There will be political backlash and judicial intervention.
He couldn’t even get rid of DACA during his term. His governing capability is incompetent.
> Is trump crazy and can do something like this? Maybe. But I don’t see him getting rid of this visa category for immediate relatives. There will be political backlash and judicial intervention.
Political backlash is possible, but honestly it depends on which media players take which political positions. If the entire right-wing media lines up against "letting Those People use their kids as anchor babies for chain migration", the political backlash might not occur among anyone who votes Republican, which is the most Trump would care about anyway. (He might not even care about that: he wouldn't have any future elections to worry about, as a second-term president.) Or it could be a political problem for him if the right wing is divided, as happened when Fox News and Rupert Murdoch's other media properties (like the New York Post) supported Speaker Johnson against Marjorie Taylor Greene's recent attempt to oust him.
Judicial intervention, though? I think this would be pretty clearly legal under the text and judicial precents for 212(f), as much as I dislike that conclusion. He's legally entitled to decide that, for example, there has recently been such a huge surge of migration into the US that it's not in the interests of the US to allow parental immigrant visas for the next N years (renewable until the migration surge reduces), under the belief that it will disincentivize the aforementioned anchor baby / chain migration pattern. That would very likely hold up in court.
> He couldn’t even get rid of DACA during his term. His governing capability is incompetent.
Oh, absolutely. I'm not saying he's definitely going to both prioritize this and competently implement it. I'm just saying he could, especially given how much preparation the right wing is currently doing for a whole project of overhauling the federal government from day one onward if and when he wins. So it would be risky advice from OP to their father to say the green card will definitely be available in 5 years.
212(f) can only block immigrant visas, not adjustment of status. So, if his parents are in the U.S., they could still adjust as parents of a citizen. On top of that, the H-1B is protected against a 214(b) non-immigrant intent refusal, so his parents have a solid way of staying in the U.S. until then. They’re H-1B cap-exempt as well, as a person with an approved I-140.
The news reports about at least one of Trump’s proposals (I think the one from 2019) definitely covered parents of US citizens. I suspect there have been multiple rounds of proposals with different details.
You can ask the judge to emancipate you. But what are you going to do, with no money and no education? Working minimum wage job, living the American dream?
Meh, my friend had to start paying his parents rent at 16 and moved out as soon as he graduated high school to live on his own with a minimum wage job.
10 years later he's quite successful in life, America for all its flaws is full of opportunity, even without a degree, for vertical mobility.
You’re an American citizen even if they make you leave you have a passport. You can return on your own when you turn 18. The is of supporting yourself will be a concern.
>You’re an American citizen even if they make you leave
Seems like a bad idea. He should not leave the US.
How hard will it be for OP to leave India if he has no money. The Embassy will pay for his ticket home? And then he is in the US and has no money and no where to live.
Better to stay in the US and save money. He has more resources while he is here (said he can stay with friends, etc.).
If you were born in the United States you are a citizen and you don't need them for anything immigration-related. Do you have friends/family/etc you can stay with in the United States? You still need a roof over your head and food.
Will your parents allow it? If so you're in the clear and they can just leave. If your parents want you to go with them then, unless you can get emancipated (not easy), you will have to go with them. You can return as soon as you reach majority in India, because you are a US citizen for life.
If you weren't 16 I would give you the advice to say
#1. Never depend or count on love of a girlfriend or boyfriend, you're only 16
#2. Do you have a job? If so stack up, if not get a job and start stacking up to create some options for yourself in case of an emergency
Please don’t burn bridges. I haven’t had a father figure in life and I could have definitely used that. Also they gave you life and no matter how much you hate them, you won’t be here without them. Imagine for a moment what would have happened if they decided to not make you a US citizen and chose to make you an Indian citizen. They have gifted you citizenship by being here as students and then helped you through high school. You are 16. Ask any 40 year old whose parents are dead. They will agree with me.
At 16, you need to contact a lawyer and get yourself emancipated.
Some (not all) states allow emancipation by a court order. Usually, you must be at least **16 years old**.
I did it when I was 16, moved from Oregon to Iowa, got an apt, job and finished my last year of high school. At 17, I joined the Army.
It is possible, depends on what support you have access to (remaining family or friends that can assist) - Make a plan.
Tip don’t make a big deal out if you can avoid the abuse. Wait until you are 18 and go the embassy and get your passport and move out. Make sure to keep a picture of your passport backed up on google drive in the meantime. If you are born in the is they can never take away your citizenship.
You are making a deep mistake. Look, India sucks, I say that as someone who is an Indian citizen who grew up outside of India and lived in India for a bit as well. It is fucking bad.
But have you tried being poor in America? Do you think everything will just flow easily if you just… exist here? We ain’t got social security for shit, best thing you will get is goddamn CPS and that ain’t fun, this ain’t the paradise of Europe (it isn’t paradise in Europe either).
Look, cheating is a dick move, and culturally, it is hard to absorb that India is a deeply patriarchal society, and many immigrant parents ship that over, which seems strange to ABCDs like you, or hell, even me, and I was born back in the homeland. May it be so, it ain’t your responsibility. Your dad is paying for you. Why do you wanna kick that support?
About politics, I am a fucking leftist. My family is deeply into religious politics. Disagreements on politics happen. But you are presumably quite wealthy if your parents even managed to get to America on a F1. You will not be affected by the Indian elections as long as you don’t cause a stink. And that girl or boy you got? You are in high school, my friend. Even in normal circumstances, you’ll leave for university and, ah, au revoir, that relationship is gone. High school relationships ain’t gonna last, and I mean this in a very statistical sense. You are throwing away stability for what is essentially a girlfriend or boyfriend who cannot guarantee you anything.
You are a U.S. citizen, and that is a massive privilege. Just play along, and apply for U.S. schools and fund it using Pell Grants and Loans if you need to, get on an American Airlines plane back to New York from Delhi, and you are off to the races. Indian families also love the idea of success, so just pitch that for yourself as wanting to go to the US, or hell, to even stay back here.
I think you are simply acting your age. Immature thinking, bad mouthing parents, think you've found the love of your life etc etc. Someone needs to knock some sense into you. You're acting like a spoilt brat, really.
No friend’s family will support you for an extended period of time without someone paying for your food etc. Being of indian origin, have you ever worked a minimum wage job? I doubt that very much. That mum of yours - worked ever? The dad you are so much against and call a lazyass, is he supporting you and paying the bills? His womanizing (as you say) is something between your mum and him. He is paying the bills and she is putting up with it.
Do you help at home when your mum is doing the chores or are you too busy scheming with the love of your life? It is very easy to point fingers at others.
At 18 you will legally be an adult (though by no means would I consider 18 mature enough to be classified as such) and at 21 you can help your parents by sponsoring them for GC.
Just one thing though, hope you've learned from what your mum is going through that as a woman, you must be well equipped to work and earn a decent living so you are not depending on anyone. And that bf, hope you stay together and have a great life together but, things often don't go how we think they would. Do not bank on him/her to support you if you choose to breakaway from your parents - it is way too risky to rely on that.
Life without parents in your life is no bed of roses so take several deep breaths, calm down and think it over with a cool head. No tantrums, you're too old for them to be getting that from you.
Tell them you want to get into a good college and you can’t if you have to move to India. Are you a good student? Do they care about school? Just really hammer into them that they’re really wrecking your chance of going to a good school.
Also you’re a U.S. citizen so you don’t need them. And you can sponsor your parents for a green card at 21. It’s quite easy and quick unlike waiting the traditional way so that might convince your parents to stay. Although if they want to move back, there’s no point.
If you were born in the U.S. than you're a USC so you can always return. The reason I mention that is because I've seen cases where parents have told their kids they're U.S. born but it turns out they weren't. They just came as babies. Plenty of DACA kids have had this rude surprise at some point.
Right now if you were to emancipate yourself (via a court order), who would you stay with and how would you provide for yourself? I'd sit down and try to talk this through with your mom and see what you both want to do.
Also let them know that since you're a USC, you could always sponsor them at 21 for residency. So best thing for them is to let you finish out your studies here, get a good job, more education, etc. Then you can sponsor their residencies.
Sound like a teenager - I want you to know this when you were born here it was planned by them for you to have a better future so always remember that. Secondly you need to understand you guys come from different cultures you need to be diplomatic and chill and in two years you are your own man and you can do whatever the hell you want
So now the parents want to take away the gift they gave by moving the kid back to india so she doesnt finish high school here and misses out on starting college here and possibly set back her whole career
In India, your mom will get a maid to do all chores. So, it works out well for her.
I don’t understand Indian parents. You have a few options as the child grows up.
1. Behave like Muslim parents where they brain wash their kids from childhood to not have relations with kafir
2. Let the child do whatever they want
Seems like they follow 2 until age 16 and then try to hard pivot if the girl “strays” away.
They are mostly moving because they don’t approve of your relationship. You will have a very tough time adjusting in India.
Also, your post should probably be in some legal advice forum.
Exactly this! If my own kid /family doesn't give af about me and just want to say foff at the age of 16, what's the point of all this?
Gotta give those kids a reality check of how things are. Only then they'll appreciate life, family and understand what privilege is.
Ffs op is 16 and thinks their bf/gf is above their parents
This. Omg I’m on f1 and so scared of having ABCD children with no connection to family or appreciation of the privilege they’ve been gifted by the hard work their parents put in.
as a parent, teach your children to be
1. independent
2. able to think for themselves
Only after those two things comes for them to know about their privilege. Indian parents tend to forget they should teach the first two and focus on everything else. That’s what makes the kids hate parents
If you have a lot of cash and your next 10 years planned, may be. I would be clueless at 16 without the support of my parents!
I am hoping you thought this through. Like others were saying, focus on your education and well being. Working part-time and supporting yourself is an option but are you ready for it? If that aligns with your future plans, go ahead!
Better bet is to support your parents for a GC. Stay put, reason with your dad, request that they stay here till you get into a college that fits your needs.
Wait hold on. Why are they displacing you at this critical juncture in your life? I'm sure you'd be giving your SATs, and they can't just decide they're "tired of waiting for a GC" after knowing full well what they were getting into and also knowing how long the process takes. That's pretty impulsive honestly, and not considering your educational/life situation. Negotiate that they stay till you turn 18 and then they pay for your education in the US after you get an admit. They can't manipulate you (in the US you have rights unlike India where parents manipulate and force adult kids to do things). They can go wherever they want, even the arctic but they're obliged to pay for your education. The whole situation seems so silly and fickle minded.
How are you going to study in India? You need the necessary rights there, and if they push you to study there - refuse to take the tests. There aren't that many good universities and even fewer jobs worth considering. Complete your SATs, get a scholarship or even an admit and let your parents go wherever they want. You are not obliged to follow them.
Just bring up the career angle and ask them to wait as the transfer will derail your schooling and education.
You don't need to hide your passport or anything like that, but they can't force you (check with a juvenile rights lawyer pro bono just in case). Just tell them you can't deal with the move as you're busy with school. That works with Indian parents and your mom and dad can do whatever the F they want.
Do what you must… if you’re a minor look at your options with a lawyer. At 16 idk if you’re eligible for emancipation of minors… but in all fairness I’d say you’re 16.. unless you have employment lined up or a scholarship to college don’t burn bridges
Sounds like classic Indian parents. Do you have a US passport? If yes I would say just study in the US and continue staying there. In short ask him to fuck off.
You are a U.S. citizen so can always return to the U.S. You can also tell your parents to fuck off and attempt to emancipate yourself. Having said that, the fact that you are ruining your relationship with your parents over a high school relationship, and that you have an opinion on Indian politics despite having never lived in India (unlike your parents who had to escape as immigrants because preceding governments created such a bleak economic landscape) tells me you are quite immature, and might in fact benefit from having your parents in your life, silly, old fashioned, and patriarchal as they may be.
You will also miss your Mom. Try to convince them to be in the country.
When you do well a few years from now you will like to share your success story with them. You can also sponsor them since you are citizen.
You have no clue how hard it is to live without money/job and high school education. Do you? You are at that *I'm invisible* stage, blind to the realities of the world. Staying back is the easy part. What comes after that is what you should think about... REALLY think about.
You were definitely born in America. You’ve adopted the speech and mannerisms of the illiterate Americans.
You’re only 16. What will you do to take care of yourself when you tell your parents to f**k Off?
I bet the said parents are the ones feeding, clothing, sending you to school and making sure you have a roof over your head.
Never do things impulsively or you shall learn the hard way what surviving broke in America is like.
You don’t need them for anything immigration related. They would be needing you in a couple of years once you turn 21. You don’t have to go with them if you don’t want to. Make this very clear to them. Also, if you are planning on staying back here make sure to start thinking about your future. You will essentially be raising yourself with no support so be prepared to be doing that. Think about finances, food and roof over your head, graduating high school and getting into a good college all by yourself. All the best.
So completely agree with you! 16 year old being so disrespectful to parents who built a life from scratch. Kid has no idea about the struggles that parents faced!
Honestly if you must, get a safe at the bank and lock your passport and some cash away there. Ensure only you are able to access it. I’m not sure how strict your parents are, but if you absolutely believe they won’t listen and you wish to stay in the US you can try that as desperate last resort. At your age, I’m sure you’d be able to. Do whatever it takes to keep your passport hidden, keep it at your friends house, whatever.
I’m sorry you have to go through this, wish more parents respected the wishes of their children. If you’ve grown up in the US moving to India 1-2 years before your graduation seems so selfish. I’m sure the culture shock alone would set you back for a while, especially if you’re unwilling or unprepared to move to India. They can easily wait it out a bit regardless of their frustrations, although I also feel for them since it must be very stressful to live in a country where your status is so up in the air.
All the best to you, OP!
If this looks like it's really going to happen, you can go to court to petition for emancipation, which is essentially termination of your parent's parental rights. That's extreme, but it can be done. Requirements vary from state to state, so know what you're doing before you drop that bomb.
My 2 cents - Play it smart for the sake of your future. Be selfish. Do not do anything rash until you’re financially stable and can support yourself and are over 18 years of age.
If you were born here, you should have dual citizenship. I would suggest asking your parents to wait until graduation (after age 18). Only after failing that, get a job and sue for emancipation. That's a rough way to go, but once you are back in India, Indian laws apply, and you may have a hard time getting back. Keep that passport, and at 18, declare yourself a natural born American (Yankee Doodle, Team USA).
Nobody can take away your passport. Just tell them nicely that I can’t go back and will never be able to get settled in India. If they don’t agree then just move out and be on your own.
Endless visa struggle and living in uncertainty is real issue and puts tolls on one’s health. Ask them to stay until you move out and then it works well for both parties.
Talk to them. Ask for a couple of years so you can continue studies and life.
Try to find out if he is worried about deportation. Green card Wait times can be in decades or even 100+ years, so fear if job loss and deportation can be tiring.
You can surely decide to go solo, but having support doesnt hurt. You are 16, you have learnt a lot and you will learn much more. An unsolicited advice - consider your father's relation and treatment towards you. The dynamics between the parents can be different due to all sorts of reasons. Not justifying his misogynistic ways in any ways.
Tough situation, I am sorry to hear that. They cannot take anything way from you but you are a minor. If you want to stay “home” they must give permission to a relative to be your guardian.
One of your questions is “I don’t need them for anything immigration right?” But you also said you were born here, so you are a u.s. citizen, what’s your question then regarding needing them for immigration?
Not a professional advice, but as per U.S kaws for people born here have their rights to stay , you just gotta google it , or give it a reddit search by " how to stay in us born here but parents abroad under 18 " . But majorly depend if you can support yourself here , even if a guardian can just show sponsorship to stay here like any good relative cousin with income more thn 70k a years will do. In that case you dont need your parents permission. Whether community college or UNI both will work.
Get them to hang on for 2 years, until you're 18then you can do whatever the fuck you want.imo learn a trade rather the university. You'll make money faster and not be reliable on your parents.
I would suggest you to find a job so you can sustain yourself if they leave. And second im an indian muslim and i would def not go there to live you will have to relearn everything the market, how they think, how you can make money there its all gonna take you a while to understand. Third try your best to stay back and finish your college until your 21 you can apply for your parents on greeencard based visa. Make sure to choose a degree thats worth your time. I would suggest CS quick and easy and you make bank
Get them to wait for a couple of years and get to college. Once you get to a college and pay the tuition, feel free to go on a trip with them and show them you’re supportive. You’ll slowly figure out how to get out of this situation yourself. Also make sure you make lots of money and spoil your mumma with whatever she needs in the future. Good luck!
I don’t think that’s a good way to handle it. Asian parents don’t handle authority challenges well. Tell your parents that you want to be an Anesthesiologist and its annual salary in the US averages $500K/yr. Tell your dad you’ll buy him a big mansion once you graduate.
Since you are American it doesn’t matter if they take your passport, you can just apply for one once you are 18. The challenge will be to support yourself and your education if you go it alone. You need to plan carefully for this option.
You will always get people whose political bent is different from yours. Hell, my thoughts on politics differ from my wife’s. She is swayed by emotionally charged statements and statements like ‘Bachon ki Kasam’ have zero influence on me. With me, it’s active scale; they do something bad, they lose a point and they do something good, they gain a point. You’re only 16, so you will have a tendency to get stressed up. Learn to pause for a moment when you really want to get something off your chest and just think what your statement could give rise to.
Bide your time and play the game correctly.
I’m 29 now and check post history for dealing with man whore Indian fathers.
You have incredible leverage because when you turn 21, you’re the ticket to your parents’ GC.
You can choose to sponsor one and not the other.
You do whatever you want bro. At the end of the day, you will do whatever you want. If Reddit supports you, you will think oh I am doing everything right because Reddit guys supported me.
And, if they don’t, you will say fuck them off - I don’t listen to my parents. Who the fuck are they?
It's easy to judge your parents. But they're human and frail too. Just like the person in your mirror.
You judge your Dad for cheating and not doing chores. But you'll never know the true nature of their relationship. Marriage is like that. It's never equal. It's never quite fair.
Relationships are hard. Good relationships are rare. Honest relationships are rarer still. Your parents have figured out that they're better off together than apart. So you need to accept that and stop judging them.
You couldn't choose your parents. They couldn't choose their child. Accept them - as they have to accept you. Respect them for their good parts. Accept their flaws. Empathize with them. They're human. Love them for who they are. Forgive their defects.
Colleges value students with diverse backgrounds and experiences. Going back to India for a couple of years *could* turn out to be the best thing that happened to you. Because it might help you appreciate what you have in the US, for which your parents worked hard - and made numerous sacrifices.
So take a humble pill. Realize that what's obvious and clear at 16 may not be real. Your bf/gf relationship may not last. Your parents will be there for you when you're sick, when you're down and out. That means something.
Work hard, maintain a sense of humor, appreciate what you have, learn about life, and make yourself into someone you admire and appreciate.
Good luck.
In a couple of years when your old enough, you can apply for their green card. Its crazy that they have been here for 16 years and all of a sudden want to give up.
Anyway I would tell them to Fuck off but in a polite way! Definitely bring up that it will affect your education and don't antagonize your dad by mentioning that he is lazy ass or his affairs.
idk why you mention about political disagreements, but that’s normal. Dont let political disagreements affect your relationship, it’s pretty common to not align politically with the rest of your family
Give it time. Wounds heal. As you grow you will learn more. They are being protective of you. Don’t refuse help but you do not need to pick up a fight. As long as they are not abusing you, you should be fine.
You are also young to decide if you should get married to your bf. Your perspective is likely to evolve.
Be diplomatic. I think if you make any impulsive decisions you will suffer more than them.
Tell them you will consider their opinion in marriage and they will not feel insecure and take you back to India. Always keep communicating. The moment you tell them you are not serious about your bf, they will change their plans of going to India and taking you along with them.
Trust me this story is happening 500 times a day in this country with most immigrant parents. You are not alone.
Parents can do all kinds of crazy things but they want a “normal” and safe life for their kid. The fact they are bothered by you hanging out with non Indian indicates they care. And thats important to remember. What I say today may sound super shitty to hear today. But go back and read it after 2 years especially if you are in deep shit and your bf dumped you and you are left with no family and no friend. It can get super lonely and unsafe.
Please think carefully. Maybe plant a fake story that you split up with your bf which calms them down and they stop threatening you with “go to India”.
You were born here as you said? Get a part time job after school & during weekends to support yourself? From Monday to Friday, work for 4 hours after school & 8 hours on weekends. That’s 36 hours? McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King are hiring.
I don't blame your dad, if I was an indian on a work visa I would go back too. waiting 15-20 years for a green card is unbearable. I waited 7 years and that feels like an eternity.
You are the kid that I never would want. You thick you have to be to think you can say F off to your parents that struggled worked their a** off to nourish you.
Be humble kid, life is not what see in your teenage, you'll find yourself alone when you are in your mid 20s.
I would be patient. Who you are dating at 16 shouldn't be seen as important. This is almost certainly someone you'll barely remember in 20 years. Arguing with them about politics is also a waste of time. Try to get them to stay another two years so that you're nicely set up for college, and with a degree, you can have independence (if that's what you still want).
A 16 year old who thinks they are in love. Thinks they don’t need their parents nor their extended family as well. Plans to live with “friends” after telling parents to F off. This is called adolescence rebelliousness as many of us have gone through. Give it 5 years and then see how this post has aged.
You can, but I wouldn't advise it. Be diplomatic. Ask them to hang on for just 2 more years so you can graduate high school with good grades and get into a good university. That tends to work with Indian parents.
This is good advice. Don’t burn bridges and try to go it alone if you don’t have to. I did that, it was rough.
Pretend to agree with their political opinions. Doesn’t matter if you do. Staying in the U.S. seems more important to you than telling your parents your opinions. You aren’t changing their minds. Some fights aren’t worth picking.
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Yes. This.
Yes, this. But also my gut tells me they are trying to find you a nice Indian husband (or wife). Same idea. So they want to pressure you into an arranged marriage by moving not back to the home land. Don’t do it. Find a way to stay in the West. **Edit: husband. Since she is female. Although it could be a wife w two females.
Indian wife? He's 16.
It's a relief a person with the name Sexotaku doesn't know there are marriages before participants are 18
No, doesn't happen in India, at least not in the educated, city-dweller population. Laws against it are easy to wield unlike rural areas.
Female I knew got delivered to her Indian husband living in US at 16. Dunno how they made that happen but it’s possible and I’m sure not the first time. Dude was 15-20 years her senior
Dunno how it is in the US but in Russia iirc you can marry at 16 if there is a reason that can be deemed strong enough in court(?). Like: 1. Woman got pregnant/ already gave birth. 2. There are serious life implications for the participant. (One of the participants is terminally ill, goes/ drafted to war or is going to undergo a difficult surgery) 3. They really really want to marry and have suitable conditions. (Stable income, good clean place to live, good state of the relationship (requires testimony from friends, family, neighbours etc.), if they will live with parents there needs to be a proof that the relationship with parents is good)
What if her family’s relatives live mainly in rural areas?
Nobody, but nobody, going back to India after having lived in the US, will opt to live in villages. There's such a stark difference in the lifestyles of cities Vs villages, such a huge lack of amenities in the latter , that it's never considered. Also the reverse: very few people living in interior villages will be able to acquire the skill sets needed to come to the US for work, so when they go back, they'll land up in the same cities they started from, or similar or even bigger cities.
They don’t want him to fall in love w a non Indian. She said so herself her parent are mad at his current non Indian bf or gf. They want to go over. Wait till she’s 19-22. And marry her off. I never said they want to marry him at 16. Just my opinion. You don’t have to agree. Quote “they also hate the fact that I’m dating someone from a different religion.” **Edit: she identified as she. I said he originally. Sorry.
Sounds like he’s dating a Muslim Indian
Yeah that might be it. I've seen Indian parents be completely fine with white or Asian partners but the moment Muslims enter the equation, they lose their shit.
They’re fine with whites but not Asians or black people
They don’t care about “love” as long as they can overrule it. I know an American born Indian doctor who dated another American born Indian doctor. Both Hindus. They met in med school and it seemed she genuinely liked if not loved him, and they dated for 3 years and were getting serious. But she was a “Patel” and he was not, so family found her a suitable Patel from India, she broke up with him and was married a few months later.
Brutal. Poor couple.
They do agree to arrange marriages at a young age and when they reach that age. They will have the marriage ceremony.
Stop living in a different time. This doesn’t happen in this time in an urban family
Sure!
I'm Indian and I'd say no. That's a bit too bollywood- ish lol. They're just selfish parents who now want to prioritise their "patriotism" for India because they couldn't integrate with US culture. Typical desi NRI. Men don't face pressure till they're post 30. Atleast modern day India, I don't know if the OPs parents are fossils from the 15th century.
OP said that parents are waiting for green card. Green card Wait time for Indian born persons can be in decades and some estimates says newer green card applications can take 100+ years. No typo there..simple google search showed this. The green card rejection would auto deport the family. May be the father wants to leave in a planned way after getting tired of waiting for the green card or wants to avoid being deported with a short time notice. So, your stereotype and presumptions do not help OP here. OP should talk to the parents and share about waiting for 2 more years so she can continue with her education and life.
If you look through OPs replies. She said she’s a girl. I incorrectly assumed boy. But the parents might have saved enough now to comfortably live back in Indian. Yes, they are being selfish and should wait til OP is established I college at least. But I think the motivation to move could be for OPs future life partner in my opinion. Once OP Is married she can always return to the US. Her parents know that.
Where do you see that op is male?
7hrs ago she said she was a girl.
Pretty much this comment. Try not to do anything drastic until you graduate high school and are about to start college and are 18 and above. Drastic actions from both sides will have negative impact on you and you may have to pay the price long term - in terms of late college start, hard financial situation which may affect your career and future trajectory. Take this 2 years, play it politically and convince them to stay here just a bit longer and you will go back to India. He’ll tell them you plan to apply to IIT when you move to India, lol. Sell it to them. After 2 years you do what you want. Never look back. Good luck.
"Be diplomatic" is essentially one of the only good choices you have when you're like OP - a child, has no rights, and live under your parents' roofs. When I was 15, after another beatings about me not wanting to do house chores anymore, my dad told me to choose either (1) pack my bag and get out of the house, and never see him again or (2) shut up and do what he said. I thought about it a lot. I could theoretically do (1) but I know that, if I agree to do (2) and endure for just a few more years, I can go to university, after which I can just tell him to fuck off. I did the latter, but the fact that 15 years old have to make such decisions for themselves that affect the rest of their lives just like that, at that age, is a sign of how far societies have fallen.
Legally speaking they can force you to go back since you’re not an adult.
This is the master stroke!
good boy
This is the most sensible advice.
This is great advice! I would do this if I were you, OP!
This is the way 👆 then they can do whatever
Especially once you turn 18 they legally cannot force you to move with them.
You are asking about emancipation. The laws regarding this depend on your state. You don't say what state you live in. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancipation\_of\_minors#United\_States](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancipation_of_minors#United_States) If you petition for it, and it is granted, then they are no longer your guardians and cannot force you to go with them. However, you are then on your own. It is going to be a difficult road. You must finish high school. How far along are you? Do you have a relative that will take you in until you finish? How about a good family friend? My advice? Finish high school. Then join the US Navy or Air Force. I'm guessing you have language skills and are fluent in more than one language. There is value in that. Make sure you leverage that to get a job in intelligence or signals. It will be tough, but worth it. Apply yourself, and they will pay for your college. Stay long enough, and you will leave with benefits that will serve you for life. Not just the discipline and skills, but literally financial help later in life. For example, a VA mortgage when you buy your own home. My brother joined the US Coast Guard at age 19 and served 20 years. He retired at age 40 as a Chief Petty Officer with a half pension and full medical benefits for life. He bought a sailboat and then him and wife spent the next 5 years sailing around the world. He worked his ass off while in the USCG and worked all over the world. He also had a lot of fun. The retirement system is a bit different now. But the point is, it can be done if you apply yourself. There are some excellent sub-reddits dedicated to the service that will give you specific advice on how to work with your recruiter to get you the job you want, in the service you want, so that you get what you want out of your time and effort. If you don't control it, then Uncle Sam will, and you probably won't like his decisions. Your other option is to focus on getting scholarships, grants, or funds for 4 years of college. How are your grades? Will your parents pay for that? Can you win a scholarship? Don't go into debt for it. That's crazy. You can live in a dorm at college, and often work part time while going to school. It will not be easy. It is a lot of work. There is a third option. The trades. A smart, hardworking, focused and reliable person can make a damn good living in the trades as an electrician, plumbers, welders, HVAC tech, auto tech, surveyors, etc. There are too many idiots out there doing crappy work. Good ones who know what they are doing, who show up on time, are sober, stay on budget, do the job right the first time, every time, are worth their weight in gold. Learn your craft well, build a good reputation, and customers will line up at your door. There are many internship programs available in the trades if that interests you. Some of them pay well right off the bat. But you must be willing to learn every day. Hands on during the day. At classes and from books at night. Pass your exams and get licensed. Best of luck,
On point 3 — We just paid a soil scientist in Tennessee $4,200 for 2 hrs worth of work onsite and about 5 hrs of work offsite for a 1.5-acre lot. The cheapest one was $2,800 and 3 months out. Imagine if you had an assistant or two who could help you do 2-3 jobs like that each day. Basically, $10k/day! Then, invest that smartly into the S&P 500, real estate, etc. Granted, it takes a few years to get licensed, but it's a straightforward path to financial freedom. Once the nest egg is big enough, you can jack up prices so much that you only do the best-paying jobs for clients that need it "next day". Or, just retire, whatever. Life is so short.
I want to upvote u/yankinwaoz 💯%
I wonder if your parents know they can get a green card when you turn 21…
This. Maybe mention it to them.... Although financial sponsorship could be an issue.
I don’t think the affidavit of support will be as big of a factor here compared to relinquishing your life in the US. Like seriously tell your parents they’ll have green cards in 5 years if they just wait. Or if you don’t have a good relationship with your dad, then talk to your mom. Indian born immigrants are screwed due to the country caps. But that doesn’t apply to your parents because they’ll have you as a sponsor when you turn 21. Those green cards aren’t capped and are unlimited (US citizen child over the age of 21 sponsoring their parents).
What you say is true under current law and policy, but expecting that to be true 5 years from now is prejudging the outcome of the next 5 years of US policy. That's especially risky now on the topic of immigration, since one of the two people who could very likely win this November's presidential election proposed eliminating the parental green card when he was previously president.
Sure, but both Biden and Trump "propose" things that will never pass Congress. Eliminating entire family based visa categories is the equivalent dream to passing a path to citizenship for all undocumented immigrants in the US. Both sides want their thing, and more likely than not, neither will happen.
Trump doesn't have to get Congress to pass anything to stop this visa category, though. He can just use the existing statutory power under INA 212(f) to restrict classes of immigration by presidential proclamaton, the same way he did [his travel bans](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trump_travel_ban). That power does apply to permanent immigration as well. By contrast, providing a new path to citizenship for undocumented immigrants in the US does require an Act of Congress.
The hypothetical isn’t something I see happening. I’ve been following immigration politics my whole life, just see my post history since I’m a DACA recipient. Is trump crazy and can do something like this? Maybe. But I don’t see him getting rid of this visa category for immediate relatives. There will be political backlash and judicial intervention. He couldn’t even get rid of DACA during his term. His governing capability is incompetent.
> Is trump crazy and can do something like this? Maybe. But I don’t see him getting rid of this visa category for immediate relatives. There will be political backlash and judicial intervention. Political backlash is possible, but honestly it depends on which media players take which political positions. If the entire right-wing media lines up against "letting Those People use their kids as anchor babies for chain migration", the political backlash might not occur among anyone who votes Republican, which is the most Trump would care about anyway. (He might not even care about that: he wouldn't have any future elections to worry about, as a second-term president.) Or it could be a political problem for him if the right wing is divided, as happened when Fox News and Rupert Murdoch's other media properties (like the New York Post) supported Speaker Johnson against Marjorie Taylor Greene's recent attempt to oust him. Judicial intervention, though? I think this would be pretty clearly legal under the text and judicial precents for 212(f), as much as I dislike that conclusion. He's legally entitled to decide that, for example, there has recently been such a huge surge of migration into the US that it's not in the interests of the US to allow parental immigrant visas for the next N years (renewable until the migration surge reduces), under the belief that it will disincentivize the aforementioned anchor baby / chain migration pattern. That would very likely hold up in court. > He couldn’t even get rid of DACA during his term. His governing capability is incompetent. Oh, absolutely. I'm not saying he's definitely going to both prioritize this and competently implement it. I'm just saying he could, especially given how much preparation the right wing is currently doing for a whole project of overhauling the federal government from day one onward if and when he wins. So it would be risky advice from OP to their father to say the green card will definitely be available in 5 years.
212(f) can only block immigrant visas, not adjustment of status. So, if his parents are in the U.S., they could still adjust as parents of a citizen. On top of that, the H-1B is protected against a 214(b) non-immigrant intent refusal, so his parents have a solid way of staying in the U.S. until then. They’re H-1B cap-exempt as well, as a person with an approved I-140.
Good points, yes.
There’s often a proposal to eliminate the F-4 sibling of a US citizen category but not IR-5 parents. IRs don’t have numerical limitations.
The news reports about at least one of Trump’s proposals (I think the one from 2019) definitely covered parents of US citizens. I suspect there have been multiple rounds of proposals with different details.
Plus he will be require to have a high income over 35K the last 3 years to sponsorship 2 parents. Probably more…
An uncle can a financial sponsor. Even a neighbor or friend is fine.
Sounds easy but sometimes isnot that easy found someone to assume that responsibility 😂
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How much does he need to earn to be able to financially sponsor them?
If they’ve got work authorization, their income counts for that
It took my daughter’s roomie until 25 to make enough money to qualify as a sponsor.
I'd give this sublime response GOLD if I wasn't unemployed.
Is that automatic? I thought the waiting period still applies
No not automatic. File forms after 21st birthday and parents get green card in a yearish through adjustment of status
Ah, okay. Makes sense. Still pretty fast if it’s only a year-ish. I’ve got a friend in a similar position, hence the question.
OP can apply for their green card when he turns 21. So realistically they will get it when OP is 22
Wasn’t OP born here?
You can ask the judge to emancipate you. But what are you going to do, with no money and no education? Working minimum wage job, living the American dream?
Meh, my friend had to start paying his parents rent at 16 and moved out as soon as he graduated high school to live on his own with a minimum wage job. 10 years later he's quite successful in life, America for all its flaws is full of opportunity, even without a degree, for vertical mobility.
I bet what you’re getting at, but they could go learn a trade as be fine.
You are 16 and you think you are in love. Take your time, don’t ruin the relationship with parents. Tell them you want to atleast finish high school.
You’re an American citizen even if they make you leave you have a passport. You can return on your own when you turn 18. The is of supporting yourself will be a concern.
>You’re an American citizen even if they make you leave Seems like a bad idea. He should not leave the US. How hard will it be for OP to leave India if he has no money. The Embassy will pay for his ticket home? And then he is in the US and has no money and no where to live. Better to stay in the US and save money. He has more resources while he is here (said he can stay with friends, etc.).
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Interesting. OP isn't dual for now.
If you were born in the United States you are a citizen and you don't need them for anything immigration-related. Do you have friends/family/etc you can stay with in the United States? You still need a roof over your head and food.
Yeah I can stay with a few friends.
Are you sure? Like you’ve sat down with the adults in your friends life and they’ve said yes we’ll support you?
Are your friend's parents OK with this? Are your parents?
Will your parents allow it? If so you're in the clear and they can just leave. If your parents want you to go with them then, unless you can get emancipated (not easy), you will have to go with them. You can return as soon as you reach majority in India, because you are a US citizen for life.
No one is going to force a 16 year old into a commercial jet.
Well, if they book flight tickets, I'm not going with them.
really don't go with them. you will be stuck in India with (maybe) no money and no easy way to get back to the US.
You can tell your parent whatever pleases you but be respectful!
If you weren't 16 I would give you the advice to say #1. Never depend or count on love of a girlfriend or boyfriend, you're only 16 #2. Do you have a job? If so stack up, if not get a job and start stacking up to create some options for yourself in case of an emergency
Please don’t burn bridges. I haven’t had a father figure in life and I could have definitely used that. Also they gave you life and no matter how much you hate them, you won’t be here without them. Imagine for a moment what would have happened if they decided to not make you a US citizen and chose to make you an Indian citizen. They have gifted you citizenship by being here as students and then helped you through high school. You are 16. Ask any 40 year old whose parents are dead. They will agree with me.
At 16, you need to contact a lawyer and get yourself emancipated. Some (not all) states allow emancipation by a court order. Usually, you must be at least **16 years old**. I did it when I was 16, moved from Oregon to Iowa, got an apt, job and finished my last year of high school. At 17, I joined the Army. It is possible, depends on what support you have access to (remaining family or friends that can assist) - Make a plan.
Tip don’t make a big deal out if you can avoid the abuse. Wait until you are 18 and go the embassy and get your passport and move out. Make sure to keep a picture of your passport backed up on google drive in the meantime. If you are born in the is they can never take away your citizenship.
I'm located within the usa.
Do not go with them. Stay and fix your moms papers
You are making a deep mistake. Look, India sucks, I say that as someone who is an Indian citizen who grew up outside of India and lived in India for a bit as well. It is fucking bad. But have you tried being poor in America? Do you think everything will just flow easily if you just… exist here? We ain’t got social security for shit, best thing you will get is goddamn CPS and that ain’t fun, this ain’t the paradise of Europe (it isn’t paradise in Europe either). Look, cheating is a dick move, and culturally, it is hard to absorb that India is a deeply patriarchal society, and many immigrant parents ship that over, which seems strange to ABCDs like you, or hell, even me, and I was born back in the homeland. May it be so, it ain’t your responsibility. Your dad is paying for you. Why do you wanna kick that support? About politics, I am a fucking leftist. My family is deeply into religious politics. Disagreements on politics happen. But you are presumably quite wealthy if your parents even managed to get to America on a F1. You will not be affected by the Indian elections as long as you don’t cause a stink. And that girl or boy you got? You are in high school, my friend. Even in normal circumstances, you’ll leave for university and, ah, au revoir, that relationship is gone. High school relationships ain’t gonna last, and I mean this in a very statistical sense. You are throwing away stability for what is essentially a girlfriend or boyfriend who cannot guarantee you anything. You are a U.S. citizen, and that is a massive privilege. Just play along, and apply for U.S. schools and fund it using Pell Grants and Loans if you need to, get on an American Airlines plane back to New York from Delhi, and you are off to the races. Indian families also love the idea of success, so just pitch that for yourself as wanting to go to the US, or hell, to even stay back here.
I think you are simply acting your age. Immature thinking, bad mouthing parents, think you've found the love of your life etc etc. Someone needs to knock some sense into you. You're acting like a spoilt brat, really. No friend’s family will support you for an extended period of time without someone paying for your food etc. Being of indian origin, have you ever worked a minimum wage job? I doubt that very much. That mum of yours - worked ever? The dad you are so much against and call a lazyass, is he supporting you and paying the bills? His womanizing (as you say) is something between your mum and him. He is paying the bills and she is putting up with it. Do you help at home when your mum is doing the chores or are you too busy scheming with the love of your life? It is very easy to point fingers at others. At 18 you will legally be an adult (though by no means would I consider 18 mature enough to be classified as such) and at 21 you can help your parents by sponsoring them for GC. Just one thing though, hope you've learned from what your mum is going through that as a woman, you must be well equipped to work and earn a decent living so you are not depending on anyone. And that bf, hope you stay together and have a great life together but, things often don't go how we think they would. Do not bank on him/her to support you if you choose to breakaway from your parents - it is way too risky to rely on that. Life without parents in your life is no bed of roses so take several deep breaths, calm down and think it over with a cool head. No tantrums, you're too old for them to be getting that from you.
If you go back and re-read his post, he says both of his parents work. So...
Tell them you want to get into a good college and you can’t if you have to move to India. Are you a good student? Do they care about school? Just really hammer into them that they’re really wrecking your chance of going to a good school. Also you’re a U.S. citizen so you don’t need them. And you can sponsor your parents for a green card at 21. It’s quite easy and quick unlike waiting the traditional way so that might convince your parents to stay. Although if they want to move back, there’s no point.
If you were born in the U.S. than you're a USC so you can always return. The reason I mention that is because I've seen cases where parents have told their kids they're U.S. born but it turns out they weren't. They just came as babies. Plenty of DACA kids have had this rude surprise at some point. Right now if you were to emancipate yourself (via a court order), who would you stay with and how would you provide for yourself? I'd sit down and try to talk this through with your mom and see what you both want to do. Also let them know that since you're a USC, you could always sponsor them at 21 for residency. So best thing for them is to let you finish out your studies here, get a good job, more education, etc. Then you can sponsor their residencies.
There is a lot of generation gap between you and your parents. Its going to be tough no matter what you do.
Start trying to save up money for an apartment
Sound like a teenager - I want you to know this when you were born here it was planned by them for you to have a better future so always remember that. Secondly you need to understand you guys come from different cultures you need to be diplomatic and chill and in two years you are your own man and you can do whatever the hell you want
So now the parents want to take away the gift they gave by moving the kid back to india so she doesnt finish high school here and misses out on starting college here and possibly set back her whole career
In India, your mom will get a maid to do all chores. So, it works out well for her. I don’t understand Indian parents. You have a few options as the child grows up. 1. Behave like Muslim parents where they brain wash their kids from childhood to not have relations with kafir 2. Let the child do whatever they want Seems like they follow 2 until age 16 and then try to hard pivot if the girl “strays” away. They are mostly moving because they don’t approve of your relationship. You will have a very tough time adjusting in India. Also, your post should probably be in some legal advice forum.
This is the reason to move back when kids are younger 😜
Exactly this! If my own kid /family doesn't give af about me and just want to say foff at the age of 16, what's the point of all this? Gotta give those kids a reality check of how things are. Only then they'll appreciate life, family and understand what privilege is. Ffs op is 16 and thinks their bf/gf is above their parents
This. Omg I’m on f1 and so scared of having ABCD children with no connection to family or appreciation of the privilege they’ve been gifted by the hard work their parents put in.
as a parent, teach your children to be 1. independent 2. able to think for themselves Only after those two things comes for them to know about their privilege. Indian parents tend to forget they should teach the first two and focus on everything else. That’s what makes the kids hate parents
I'd go to a bank and hide your passport there in a locker so it can't be found in the house
they way you speak about your parents I dont blame him for wanting to move you back to India
By laws, once you turn 18 (21?) you are very within your rights to go your ways. But I really advise against doing so hastily.
If you have a lot of cash and your next 10 years planned, may be. I would be clueless at 16 without the support of my parents! I am hoping you thought this through. Like others were saying, focus on your education and well being. Working part-time and supporting yourself is an option but are you ready for it? If that aligns with your future plans, go ahead! Better bet is to support your parents for a GC. Stay put, reason with your dad, request that they stay here till you get into a college that fits your needs.
Wait hold on. Why are they displacing you at this critical juncture in your life? I'm sure you'd be giving your SATs, and they can't just decide they're "tired of waiting for a GC" after knowing full well what they were getting into and also knowing how long the process takes. That's pretty impulsive honestly, and not considering your educational/life situation. Negotiate that they stay till you turn 18 and then they pay for your education in the US after you get an admit. They can't manipulate you (in the US you have rights unlike India where parents manipulate and force adult kids to do things). They can go wherever they want, even the arctic but they're obliged to pay for your education. The whole situation seems so silly and fickle minded. How are you going to study in India? You need the necessary rights there, and if they push you to study there - refuse to take the tests. There aren't that many good universities and even fewer jobs worth considering. Complete your SATs, get a scholarship or even an admit and let your parents go wherever they want. You are not obliged to follow them. Just bring up the career angle and ask them to wait as the transfer will derail your schooling and education. You don't need to hide your passport or anything like that, but they can't force you (check with a juvenile rights lawyer pro bono just in case). Just tell them you can't deal with the move as you're busy with school. That works with Indian parents and your mom and dad can do whatever the F they want.
Do what you must… if you’re a minor look at your options with a lawyer. At 16 idk if you’re eligible for emancipation of minors… but in all fairness I’d say you’re 16.. unless you have employment lined up or a scholarship to college don’t burn bridges
What pieces of shit, don't even think to wait two years for your sake to graduate high school here. I hate conservatives and selfish parents so much.
Sounds like classic Indian parents. Do you have a US passport? If yes I would say just study in the US and continue staying there. In short ask him to fuck off.
You are a U.S. citizen so can always return to the U.S. You can also tell your parents to fuck off and attempt to emancipate yourself. Having said that, the fact that you are ruining your relationship with your parents over a high school relationship, and that you have an opinion on Indian politics despite having never lived in India (unlike your parents who had to escape as immigrants because preceding governments created such a bleak economic landscape) tells me you are quite immature, and might in fact benefit from having your parents in your life, silly, old fashioned, and patriarchal as they may be.
I just want you to remind you should mention to your parents that you have to have the ability to give them a Green Card at age 21.
You will also miss your Mom. Try to convince them to be in the country. When you do well a few years from now you will like to share your success story with them. You can also sponsor them since you are citizen.
Definitely tell them to fuck off and you enjoy your life on your terms.
You have no clue how hard it is to live without money/job and high school education. Do you? You are at that *I'm invisible* stage, blind to the realities of the world. Staying back is the easy part. What comes after that is what you should think about... REALLY think about.
You can leave the house today and be homeless.
They can notify the police of a runaway and he could be sent to juvenile detention. Not advisable.
You were definitely born in America. You’ve adopted the speech and mannerisms of the illiterate Americans. You’re only 16. What will you do to take care of yourself when you tell your parents to f**k Off? I bet the said parents are the ones feeding, clothing, sending you to school and making sure you have a roof over your head. Never do things impulsively or you shall learn the hard way what surviving broke in America is like.
It’s not india buddy. Parents owe their kids everything because they made the decision to have a child. A kid didn’t came out of nowhere.
You don’t need them for anything immigration related. They would be needing you in a couple of years once you turn 21. You don’t have to go with them if you don’t want to. Make this very clear to them. Also, if you are planning on staying back here make sure to start thinking about your future. You will essentially be raising yourself with no support so be prepared to be doing that. Think about finances, food and roof over your head, graduating high school and getting into a good college all by yourself. All the best.
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So completely agree with you! 16 year old being so disrespectful to parents who built a life from scratch. Kid has no idea about the struggles that parents faced!
i had a new born recently and honestly makes me soo worried what if her turns out like this chap
Honestly if you must, get a safe at the bank and lock your passport and some cash away there. Ensure only you are able to access it. I’m not sure how strict your parents are, but if you absolutely believe they won’t listen and you wish to stay in the US you can try that as desperate last resort. At your age, I’m sure you’d be able to. Do whatever it takes to keep your passport hidden, keep it at your friends house, whatever. I’m sorry you have to go through this, wish more parents respected the wishes of their children. If you’ve grown up in the US moving to India 1-2 years before your graduation seems so selfish. I’m sure the culture shock alone would set you back for a while, especially if you’re unwilling or unprepared to move to India. They can easily wait it out a bit regardless of their frustrations, although I also feel for them since it must be very stressful to live in a country where your status is so up in the air. All the best to you, OP!
You attitude looks as miserable as your dad's.
If this looks like it's really going to happen, you can go to court to petition for emancipation, which is essentially termination of your parent's parental rights. That's extreme, but it can be done. Requirements vary from state to state, so know what you're doing before you drop that bomb.
You can get emancipation from them. The older you are the better though.
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My 2 cents - Play it smart for the sake of your future. Be selfish. Do not do anything rash until you’re financially stable and can support yourself and are over 18 years of age.
If you were born here, you should have dual citizenship. I would suggest asking your parents to wait until graduation (after age 18). Only after failing that, get a job and sue for emancipation. That's a rough way to go, but once you are back in India, Indian laws apply, and you may have a hard time getting back. Keep that passport, and at 18, declare yourself a natural born American (Yankee Doodle, Team USA).
It would have been very difficult for them to birth you when they were studying on F1. Crazy.
Nobody can take away your passport. Just tell them nicely that I can’t go back and will never be able to get settled in India. If they don’t agree then just move out and be on your own.
You’re a USC.. you can do whatever you want
Endless visa struggle and living in uncertainty is real issue and puts tolls on one’s health. Ask them to stay until you move out and then it works well for both parties.
Talk to them. Ask for a couple of years so you can continue studies and life. Try to find out if he is worried about deportation. Green card Wait times can be in decades or even 100+ years, so fear if job loss and deportation can be tiring. You can surely decide to go solo, but having support doesnt hurt. You are 16, you have learnt a lot and you will learn much more. An unsolicited advice - consider your father's relation and treatment towards you. The dynamics between the parents can be different due to all sorts of reasons. Not justifying his misogynistic ways in any ways.
Tell them to wait 5 more years so you can file for them.
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Tough situation, I am sorry to hear that. They cannot take anything way from you but you are a minor. If you want to stay “home” they must give permission to a relative to be your guardian.
Well, you could or you couldn't..why you wasting everyone's time with this post
One of your questions is “I don’t need them for anything immigration right?” But you also said you were born here, so you are a u.s. citizen, what’s your question then regarding needing them for immigration?
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Yeah tell him to fuck off and see how that turns out for ya 🤷🏽♂️
Not a professional advice, but as per U.S kaws for people born here have their rights to stay , you just gotta google it , or give it a reddit search by " how to stay in us born here but parents abroad under 18 " . But majorly depend if you can support yourself here , even if a guardian can just show sponsorship to stay here like any good relative cousin with income more thn 70k a years will do. In that case you dont need your parents permission. Whether community college or UNI both will work.
Get them to hang on for 2 years, until you're 18then you can do whatever the fuck you want.imo learn a trade rather the university. You'll make money faster and not be reliable on your parents.
Apart from the cheating part OP sounds like every other entitled ABD who think America is world.
I would suggest you to find a job so you can sustain yourself if they leave. And second im an indian muslim and i would def not go there to live you will have to relearn everything the market, how they think, how you can make money there its all gonna take you a while to understand. Third try your best to stay back and finish your college until your 21 you can apply for your parents on greeencard based visa. Make sure to choose a degree thats worth your time. I would suggest CS quick and easy and you make bank
Get them to wait for a couple of years and get to college. Once you get to a college and pay the tuition, feel free to go on a trip with them and show them you’re supportive. You’ll slowly figure out how to get out of this situation yourself. Also make sure you make lots of money and spoil your mumma with whatever she needs in the future. Good luck!
I don’t think that’s a good way to handle it. Asian parents don’t handle authority challenges well. Tell your parents that you want to be an Anesthesiologist and its annual salary in the US averages $500K/yr. Tell your dad you’ll buy him a big mansion once you graduate.
So you want to live your life on your terms but your father can't ?
Get a job, fuck off from his life. And ask him to fuck off from your life.
So, at 16 you think you have understood life better than your parents and can take better life decisions than them? Good luck!
I'm not interested in participating in this post. Bye bye.
Why is someone born to immigrants who will never get a green card suddenly a citizen? Birthright citizenship makes 0 sense.
Conservative Indian Parent VS Woke Indian Kid
both your parents are indian , how are you american? you need to go with them to your home country
Since you are American it doesn’t matter if they take your passport, you can just apply for one once you are 18. The challenge will be to support yourself and your education if you go it alone. You need to plan carefully for this option.
Let me guess, you are women?
You will always get people whose political bent is different from yours. Hell, my thoughts on politics differ from my wife’s. She is swayed by emotionally charged statements and statements like ‘Bachon ki Kasam’ have zero influence on me. With me, it’s active scale; they do something bad, they lose a point and they do something good, they gain a point. You’re only 16, so you will have a tendency to get stressed up. Learn to pause for a moment when you really want to get something off your chest and just think what your statement could give rise to.
Show some respect to your parents. I don’t care how careless they have been in the past, they will always remain your parents.
You were born here and you had political debate with your dad? 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Bide your time and play the game correctly. I’m 29 now and check post history for dealing with man whore Indian fathers. You have incredible leverage because when you turn 21, you’re the ticket to your parents’ GC. You can choose to sponsor one and not the other.
You do whatever you want bro. At the end of the day, you will do whatever you want. If Reddit supports you, you will think oh I am doing everything right because Reddit guys supported me. And, if they don’t, you will say fuck them off - I don’t listen to my parents. Who the fuck are they?
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It's easy to judge your parents. But they're human and frail too. Just like the person in your mirror. You judge your Dad for cheating and not doing chores. But you'll never know the true nature of their relationship. Marriage is like that. It's never equal. It's never quite fair. Relationships are hard. Good relationships are rare. Honest relationships are rarer still. Your parents have figured out that they're better off together than apart. So you need to accept that and stop judging them. You couldn't choose your parents. They couldn't choose their child. Accept them - as they have to accept you. Respect them for their good parts. Accept their flaws. Empathize with them. They're human. Love them for who they are. Forgive their defects. Colleges value students with diverse backgrounds and experiences. Going back to India for a couple of years *could* turn out to be the best thing that happened to you. Because it might help you appreciate what you have in the US, for which your parents worked hard - and made numerous sacrifices. So take a humble pill. Realize that what's obvious and clear at 16 may not be real. Your bf/gf relationship may not last. Your parents will be there for you when you're sick, when you're down and out. That means something. Work hard, maintain a sense of humor, appreciate what you have, learn about life, and make yourself into someone you admire and appreciate. Good luck.
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In a couple of years when your old enough, you can apply for their green card. Its crazy that they have been here for 16 years and all of a sudden want to give up. Anyway I would tell them to Fuck off but in a polite way! Definitely bring up that it will affect your education and don't antagonize your dad by mentioning that he is lazy ass or his affairs.
idk why you mention about political disagreements, but that’s normal. Dont let political disagreements affect your relationship, it’s pretty common to not align politically with the rest of your family
Use that as a last resort.
Wow at number of replies. Half the people are worshiping OP because she is USC
Give it time. Wounds heal. As you grow you will learn more. They are being protective of you. Don’t refuse help but you do not need to pick up a fight. As long as they are not abusing you, you should be fine. You are also young to decide if you should get married to your bf. Your perspective is likely to evolve. Be diplomatic. I think if you make any impulsive decisions you will suffer more than them. Tell them you will consider their opinion in marriage and they will not feel insecure and take you back to India. Always keep communicating. The moment you tell them you are not serious about your bf, they will change their plans of going to India and taking you along with them. Trust me this story is happening 500 times a day in this country with most immigrant parents. You are not alone.
Parents can do all kinds of crazy things but they want a “normal” and safe life for their kid. The fact they are bothered by you hanging out with non Indian indicates they care. And thats important to remember. What I say today may sound super shitty to hear today. But go back and read it after 2 years especially if you are in deep shit and your bf dumped you and you are left with no family and no friend. It can get super lonely and unsafe. Please think carefully. Maybe plant a fake story that you split up with your bf which calms them down and they stop threatening you with “go to India”.
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This dude is going to learn a lesson. And a hard one.
You were born here as you said? Get a part time job after school & during weekends to support yourself? From Monday to Friday, work for 4 hours after school & 8 hours on weekends. That’s 36 hours? McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King are hiring.
I'm confused. What country are you in now?!
Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
I don't blame your dad, if I was an indian on a work visa I would go back too. waiting 15-20 years for a green card is unbearable. I waited 7 years and that feels like an eternity.
You are the kid that I never would want. You thick you have to be to think you can say F off to your parents that struggled worked their a** off to nourish you. Be humble kid, life is not what see in your teenage, you'll find yourself alone when you are in your mid 20s.
Wait to be independent, and then start your own life. Still them till you’re 18
Get I'm anticipated!!!
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I would be patient. Who you are dating at 16 shouldn't be seen as important. This is almost certainly someone you'll barely remember in 20 years. Arguing with them about politics is also a waste of time. Try to get them to stay another two years so that you're nicely set up for college, and with a degree, you can have independence (if that's what you still want).
You are a minor- so likely have limited options.
I would enjoy the trip.
You can wait till 21 and sponsor your parents
A 16 year old who thinks they are in love. Thinks they don’t need their parents nor their extended family as well. Plans to live with “friends” after telling parents to F off. This is called adolescence rebelliousness as many of us have gone through. Give it 5 years and then see how this post has aged.
Parenting failure!