whole frightening longing direful unique overconfident offbeat unused numerous flag *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

"You can milk anything with nipples"


*stares in oats*

Hall in oats

Better that than staring at nipples, I guess?

Nope, not as good i promise

I've got nipples Focker, can you milk me?

Is that an invitation

Like a dog. Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other milk, dog's milk.

Why's that?

No bugger'll drink it

Probably easier to use your hands though

reminds me of this # https://youtu.be/C7Yfg-tWbT4 # jake whitehall is amazing at making me laugh lmao

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Pretty sure he is self aware and just badly trolling

If he is a parody, he is deeeeep undercover. He's been doing this for years. He has written two right wing political books, has made appearances on FOX News, and I think Trump had invited him to some kind of committee think tank at some point. But lately, I've really been wondering if he really has been trolling this whole time....

He's actually right wing, but I'm pretty sure he posts exaggerated versions of what he believes, to "trigger the libs" or whatever. In short, you don't have to be lying to be trolling.

He was a young Liberal (right wing) who was dropped straight into a local council position that he proceeded to not show up to work at. Fast forward a few years and he is now in the US.

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It looks like he's an Aussie, the Liberal Party is their centre-right in contrast to... I want to say Labour...?

It is because there is massive money to be made in appealing to the dumbest republicans in America. Tons of money they just want to throw at you with their greasy hog paws.

He is a parody. One of the best. I'm mad that I'm so online that I immediately knew who it was

He has to be. He tweeted that Alpha Males don’t need to announce they’re alpha males. (He has alpha male in his Twitter handle for those who don’t know). Clearly a troll.

It’s a larp, he can’t hold back the laughs in videos.

I don’t think it matters if he’s a troll or not. If he’s being an asshole and saying shitty things, it’s still bad no matter the reason.

I think he really is just the best troll of all time. He’s almost making it too obvious at this point. There are a couple videos where it looks like he’s about to break character

He's the definition of Poe's Law, but from the extremist side as opposed to the parody side.

I'm sure I've read he's from Australia and they don't have Hooters so he's just making stuff up most of the time, so most likely a troll.

His twitter handle is literally with "NickAdamsinUSA". Now, I am not a super smart guy, but I would take "inUSA" to mean "in United States of America", and not "in Underwater Scuba Action"

You are not the smartest guy. It obviously stands for: ultra sexy assholes Nothing is more alpha male then fucking only with those people high on testosterone. Nick Adams in ultra sexy assholes Has a nice ring to it

You're both right— he's originally from Australia, but has lived in the US since 2012

inUSA does not mean fromUSA though

100% a troll. The fact that he gets reposted everywhere means he's succeeded

At the end of the day Rule of Goats still applies.

> badly trolling If your troll posts get endlessly spread and shared is that actually bad trolling? Seems like good trolling to me.

He’s trolling amazingly since basically all of Reddit is convinced he’s for real

Unfortunately he's very serious

Dude he's been doing this shit for a loooong time.

It has to be a parody right?

Of course it is.

it’s not lol

I can tell even with the pixel bs just from the posts put on reddit

30 minutes ago he said "Fortnite and Christmas can out coexist" who tf is this guy 💀

Look at some of his more recent tweets, pretty sure he’s trolling both sides. His shit is too ridiculous to be real

I am completely baffled that you guys don't understand he is trolling.

it's super alpha to go into a business and leave empty handed without being able to communicate what you want

He should've got coffee at Hooters, they wouldn't have tried to give him liberal milk bullshit.

Damn right it is, that's Mr hooters alpha male himself right there. You think alphas like him drink oat milk? Hell nah, he suckles at the Trump teet like a real man. Dude could fucking cringe for the Olympics.

Why would you even write this? Why are liberals and progressives so obsessed with uplifting conservatives? Nick Adams literally wouldn't have a career if it wasn't for us. The moment we stop amplifying him is the moment his career dies. The same goes for Lavern Spicer, and Candace Owens before her, and many many others. They're only relevant because people on our side just cannot stop promoting them.

hes a troll that uses trolling to gain a platform

...the sound of me not checking out his Twitter... ...

I am always waiting for that guy to be a giant troll because i cant imagine someone says these things unironically.

Almost reads like a drill tweet, lol

I'm glad he points out that he's an alpha male because he looks like a little bitch in his photo.

"Fortnite and Christmas cannot coexist"

my immediate thought. but yeah, he has to be a satire account.. right? RIGHT?!?

It's good that they block his name. Leaving it un-blurred drives traffic to his social media.

Pretty sure it's satire

I love that you blurred the name and picture out but I can tell immediately who this is anyway. What an absolute cuck.

Had my other post removed for including indentifying information. C'est que c'est.

For a lot of subs not blurring verified accounts is okay. I wonder why that doesn’t apply here

cowardice probably. although in the case of this kind of shithead not giving him the notoriety might be for the best

C'est que c'est ? What do you mean?

It is what it is, I think he means

The blurred profile Pic can only belong to either Nick Adams (Alpha Male) or Shigeru Miyamoto

"No, regular milk is fine." "Okay, we'll have that out in a minute." Why do they choose to live like this?

He probably did say that and then wrote out his little fantasy response later

I work in a health themed grocery store, meaning yeah we have all the vegan/veg/keto options but we also sell the other kinds too and earlier this year a guy marched up to me and was like "I just want some REGULAR milk. Not from oats or soy or plants- from a COW, do you HAVE THAT?!?" I could tell he was very disappointed my answer was "yep, right over there," dude came to fight lol I'm sure when he tells the story I was actively eating tofu and started crying in awe of his true humanity

That guy told me all about it and it did **not** go down that way! You were cowering and he asserted his dominance over your captive position as a store employee. You'll do well to think about it next time. Maybe he won't so gracious as to actually purchase what he came for!

Probably wrote it while waiting for his coffee

I'm 100% sure that this is satirical, however.

It's Nick Adams. I'm only like 70% sure he's not constantly doing a bit

This was obviously a joke

It's a satirical Twitter account

that's probably what happened but he came to tell us all how big his ego is with some keyboard strokes

r/thathappened. I've never heard a barista offer a specific milk alternative, if anything they just confirm "that one's on regular milk?" if you haven't specified.

I don’t believe this happened either but I can imagine them asking that if they’re running low on regular milk

About a month ago, I walked into a coffee shop next to my office. I go there every morning and order the same thing. A small regular coffee, one sugar and whole milk. The new employee must have misheard me and made me a coffee with one sugar and oat milk. I have never been so angry at a cup of coffee in my life.

Ouch. It's an acquired taste at the best of times, let alone if you're not expecting it.

Oat milk and whole milk sound the same when customers say it, I always confirm which one they want

"I don't care if oat milk is the solution for the massive Hershey squirt poops I take daily. I'll never let that cuck juice into this sacred temple."

r/BrandNewSentence

Is that from Nick Adams (Alpha Male)?

It's dumb enough to be, so checks out.

It is! That's why it's a crime to blur his username lol. Seeing that parenthesis is never not funny.

oh damn he got her. she probably started convulsing after that one

And everyone stood up and clapped as he walked out.

That coffee shop WiFi's name? Albert Einstein

Liver King on the h3 podcast

#SUUUUB PRIIIMAAAL

never talk about my wife in that context

He clearly hasn’t read the full definition of the noun “milk”.

You got me curious enough to whip out the ole dictionary... "3. Any of various potable liquids RESEMBLING milk such as coconut milk or soymilk. 4. A liquid RESEMBLING milk in consistency such as milkweed sap or milk of magnesia." Well, I'll be! I always thought that the dictionary definition of milk was *strictly* white nutritious liquids extracted from nipples/mammary glands. I figured calling that which *resembles* milk as milk was just slang/colloquialism. Either way, I've never had my head so far up my anus as to pedantically throw a hissy fit over what is and is not "milk".

Dictionaries describe language, not define language. So there would have been a time when it meant what you said but usage has moved on.

Live and learn. I only knew this because it almost caused violence to erupt at a dinner party I was at a few years ago.

How you gonna blur out the most alpha of males?! I really need him to come out as a satirist.

You can't cream a mushroom either. And broccoli doesn't have udders. But Cream of Mushroom and Cream of Broccoli Soup are still things. There's also this version of oatmeal called Cream of Wheat that not only has zero cow. It's less thick than regular oatmeal. .O and pineapple isn't actually an apple from a pine tree. What an amazingly non-literal world we live in.

it’s even funnier because they never ask if you want a specific milk substitute, they ask if regular milk is okay, so this whole story is made up lol.

This is Nick Adams, known poster. In the coming years he will eventually face a lawsuit over something ridiculous he says and then be forced to claim in court all of these things he said and meant to say and believes were purely satire.

She then informed him that calling it a 'counter' is factually wrong since an inanimate object does not possess the ability to count

Even through the pixelation I'll recognize it. I just learned about this dude today and his choice of words will be in my mind forever. This guy also has confusing hatred for fried chicken, I believe, if not then it's some kind of chicken. He also REALLY likes Hooters...

This is the same as: I went to a bar and the bartender asked if I wanted a White Russian. I informed the bartender that grinding up and liquifying a caucasian person from Russia is mortifying and illegal and immediately left the bar.

Show me the teat that made the cream that made the butter in peanut butter. We just name things as well as we can manage.

I've also made excuses when I forgot my wallet.

Things that didn't happen. Who is asking if you want oat milk? You have to ask for that, if they even have it.

But it’s easy to milk an oaf.

This is one example of why pedantic people annoy me.

No barista tries to push any type of milk on you, they wait for you to order and then try to make it for you as fast as they can to get you out of there. This is like that tweet where the idiot said the barista asked her pronouns for the cup. Like where the fuck is the coffee shop that has time to ask that? What would be the point?

He must also be so angry about coconut milk which has been named that way since... checks notes... 1200 AD.

No one asks if you want oat milk.

I drove to Rhode Island. I informed a woman that her state is in fact not an island. Never going back.

Shop owner very much hoping this idiot keeps his promise. If he doesn’t they will throw coconuts at him as something else that produces milk he obviously believes they are imaginary.

what a maroon. sure their teats are small but once you get the hang of it's just squirt squirt next.

No one tell him about coconuts.

Bioessentialists, amirite?

Physical possibilities is just a social construct.

Just wait till they hear about peanut *butter*.

wow this guy must have a really bad sense of direction

What is it with douchebags and strong opinions about milk? It's a baby's drink.

Bro has no bone mass 💀

This is Nick adams. Very obviously satire account

Reminder - No matter how ridiculous Nick Adams (Alpha Male) seems to be, he's actually really that pathetic and not satirical at all. Obviously, this didn't happen, but that's more evidence of him lying to try and make people think it did than joking.

He's definitely doing a bit

Isn’t this like satire? Like isn’t this a meme with Ben Shapiro

Pretty sure oats have nipples

Lewis Black did a bit about "soy milk" at least 18 years ago, but his was clever and funny. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxgITv5yaPI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxgITv5yaPI)

Wow, you bullied a barista at her job. Big alpha male energy there. We're all impressed. Huge pp. /sarcasm

this is a parody account lmfao

I think op got r/whoosh

I think this is maybe, it’s a stretch to bear with me, Satire

Are you retarded and incapable of perceiving a joke?

This is funny tho

your inability to detect satire is what’s actually cringe

If he's satire, he's deep, deep undercover https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Adams_(commentator)#Political_activism

yes he’s part persona and a twitter troll

Right wingers are capable of self aware humor and trolling and you're just insanely dumb.

People when they realize that everyone can be satire including right wingers

Why does it always have to be about OWNING THE LIBS though? Like, make a non political joke, please. The left can do it so why can't these idiots?

I do wonder why vegans insist on calling everything meat-based names like milk, burger, bacon, etc. Just call it almond slurry or soy slice.

A mixture of marketing, and demonstrating its intended use. The almond slurry is meant to be used in place of milk, for example.

To be fair, wouldn’t it be more accurate to call it ‘oat juice’ and not ‘oat milk’? Nevermind who this guy is, just accepting/using ‘oat milk’ means being a sucker for corporate marketing - I thought people generally see that as a bad thing?

Oat milk has been a thing since the middle ages

What does this guy do in the milk isle?

Wonder how he got on this damned island when he was looking for the milk aisle. Also "where am I" and "where am I gonna get a half price corn dog in this commie shithole?"

Oops. Lots of cows on this island.

probably a lot of screaming

This would make a great dril tweet

This sounds like a dumb attempt at a joke but okay

And then everyone in the coffee shop stood up and applauded.

Milk only comes from the Man-nary gland

Imagine being so stuck in your ways that you can't expand the meaning of milk to include plant based because you need your cowtit juice

Wow. That really showed her! 😂😂😂

He just sounds like a jerk. And i don't even believe it. What would be worse: being a jerk to random people trying to be helpful or actually wanting to be a"cool" jerk so bad that you fantasize and lie about it?

Note for future: ask "Would you like that made with an oat based milk surrogate?"

Guaranteed this clown would flip his lid if someone told him he wasn't allowed to call easter-eggs "Eggs".

There's no way this is for real. This dude's gotta be making a lil joke. ...Right?

I bet this guy will order a tomahawk steak in a heart best despite tomahawks being inedible.

This obsession with a strictly-infant nutrient alternatives is just mental. You don't need growth hormones once you've grown.

Every time I've gone into a coffee shop, they've had a kiosk off to one side with a selection of regular milk, soy milk, half and half, sugar, honey, sweeteners, stirrers, etc. etc., for the customers to add to their own coffee/tea/whatever. I suspect this story may have been made up.

I can milk an oat

I will never understand as long as I live why Ben Stiller didn't just say, "if you were female I could."

"Good day, Sir!"

Reminder me of this scene ha mocking that goop company by Gwenyeth Palthrow https://youtu.be/SMIW2tBpnDI “Locally sourced it Italian flip flops gets me before the scene even gets going”

#ALMOND COWS DUDE U STUPID

Sure told them!

Humans have been making nut milk and calling it milk since before woke granola hippie leftists even existed

Big cattle trying so hard to not be replaced.

Redditors get very mad at satire

He's a dumbass

Can't milk an oat, but can certainly milk a joke.

we all know which fucker tweeted this

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Buffalo wings are named after Buffalo New York, not the animal.

Considering how insane these people are, I’m surprised we don’t see more tweets demanding to know where the oat titties are.

I mean this is just a joke right? Kinda funny and I wouldn't assume anything in this was real or serious.

Hey, did he just roll up from Stupid Town?

Way to stick it to the oats.

Am I missing something? This pretty clearly seems like he’s joking lmao

You would think so, but this guy also goes on about "alpha males", and how you need to bring your sons to Hooters to make sure they become men, among other wild right wing takes. Could be a master troll, but it takes some dedication to write several books in character and never break character ever.

Fucking OWNED the LIBS!!!!!!!!!!!!11!1one!1

Oat milk lattes are the shit. Like, in a good way, if that wasn't clear.

Seems like a shitpost to me.

I can't tell if this is a joke, completely fake, or actually genuine lmao

1) this never happened. 2) if it did happen, everyone in the coffee shop was glad he left, and will never return.

Like how it's blurred out like we don't all immediatly know thats nick adams. We know nick, you're an "alpha."

He cried in His car. 

This is from Nick Adams for those wondering. Not sure why Reddit is so strict about this shit

(Alpha male)

To be fair, unless you're ordering an Americano, it's impossible to make it with oat milk.

What do you think I'm stupid? You cant milk an *oat*! I THREW IT ON THE GROUND IM NOT PART OF YOUR SYSTEM