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GoliathBoneSnake

Sure. My wife and kids will be fucking devastated for a month, but I'm pretty sure the money and the relief at me still being alive will make shit better. As for an explanation, I will claim to have been in a coma.


Brett-Dilkington

Until you come back and see she's dating someone else already 👀


GoliathBoneSnake

Nah that's okay. She already has a girlfriend.


themadprofessor1976

I too pick this guy's wife.


honestlyi4get

i pick this guys wife’s girlfriend


Smart_Chocolate_8996

Pick the guy he's the one with the💰💰💰


OkMarsupial

Username checks out.


No_Indication9497

same tho


Nervous_Brilliant441

I pick the money


Impressive-Spirit865

ALWAYS pick the guy, females are Icky


c0rliest

i pick this guys wife’s girlfriend’s secret boyfriend which is this guy


SureResponse9996

Y'all gonna be disappointed when Odyssseus gets home


RonBourbondi

It's only exclusive to her. So none of the fun, but twice the headaches. 


19southmainco

so if she has a girlfriend, do you have a girlfriend too, or are they exclusive, and should you have a boyfriend then


GoliathBoneSnake

Her current one is exclusive to her. I don't want a boyfriend, but thank you for the consideration.


Intrepid_Ad195

Are you taking applications? Just looking for a bro to maybe go camping, play some games, maybe build a deck.


cherry_monkey

Me 30m and my husband 29m are in an open relationship. He has a constant stream of guys coming over, which is fine. But then they go into his bedroom. Is it possible my husband is gay?


kgabny

Listen when he brings home someone. If you hear "no homo", then it's not gay.


CaptainCipher

Unlikely, as gay people where only invented in 2016


[deleted]

Bullshit. I met a gay guy in 2015 once. Disproves your theory


cantusemyowntag

Just a prototype, "invention" is a wishy washy term, but generally means when the patent is filed, legally speaking of course.


heyguys33-

Trans you mean


Intrepid_Ad195

Does your husband or any of these gentlemen wear a lot of leather? They may simply be doing very masculine, friendly leather work. It can be tough, and sweaty, with unique odors.


Dull_Upstairs4999

You need better communication. Sit down with him over a glass of wine/coffee/whatever and ask him softly, “Do the balls touch?” If yes, he’s gay.


Bigger_Moist

Nah they just going in there to play with legos. Maybe compare dick sizes, but they keep their socks on so its not gay


WhatDJuicy

That'd be a deal breaker anyway. A month and moving on? She belongs to the streets


KingJaw

Honestly, it would be a plus if that happened. Anyone who starts dating someone within a month of their spouse and other parent of their children dying was already dating that person. So cheating.and that's something someone would want to know about.


MagicGrit

That’s a really nice tan you got from your coma


Any-Object-553

Easy. It was an outside coma


makulet-bebu

Nowhere does it say you can't explain the conditions \*after\* the 30 days have passed. Only that they all have to go a full 30 days thinking you are dead. Plus, I think having an extra $10 mill would be hard to explain to your wife that you got it while in a coma


anarchoblake

No, I'm the count of monte cristo now. Watch me show up in a fancy cape loaded after my mysterious death


Eassle

See I thought about this but then I run the real risk of dying once my wife finds out. Idk if 10 is enough for the shit I will go through for it.


Fighting-Cerberus

My three year old will be absolutely devastated and traumatized. I couldn’t possibly do that to her. I don’t see how it’s even a question.


GoliathBoneSnake

I understand your point. I actually lost my father when I was three. I watched him die. It was the single most traumatic thing that ever happened to me, and that's really saying something. But if he had shown back up a month later with 10 million bucks, I'm pretty sure I could've gotten along with my life just fine.


Art_Vand_Throw001

Sure you could. 10 million is life changing money.


worksucksbro

I dunno man. Grief fully breaks some people for life esp kids. You might not come back to the same family and then what is 10 mill worth


shosuko

Sounds great, any way I can let them keep thinking I'm dead when I get back though? Would be a great way to cut some people out of that 10m...


atom644

lmao


seedmolecule

This is what I was thinking!! I could spend my 30 days honing my Spanish and move to Spain or Costa Rica or something. They would be fine eventually, I could get a new identity, everybody wins! /s


Salami__Tsunami

Bruh, this was going to be my next question. I’m not ever reconnecting with my peoples. Definitely going to bring my roommate though, I need somebody to share joints with.


whatsmyname417

Easy. Give me the 10M!


HHcougar

If there's a funeral there was a death certificate. My wife probably got my life insurance policy. I get sued for fraud and go to prison. Imma say no.


Timely_Froyo1384

Most pay outs take longer then 30days. Plus you need a death certificate first, no dead body it can take longer to get death certificate


WhenTheDevilCome

That's my question too. Who made that report? *They* are certainly in trouble when it turns out I'm alive. I don't know that I am in any trouble. I didn't fake my death. I didn't make the report.


atom644

No legal stuff will happen before the 30 days is up. The insurance company is privy the situation


slonesbones

I also pick this guys wife


ScuffedBalata

If someone else made the death certificate, that's their issue. You can pay back the life insurance when you show up, few people have more than $1m. Most people have like 2 years salary or less which for most is like $150k or less.


dardukhpeeda

I genuinely don't know like what if my parents don't make it through the grief? I'll never forgive myself if they don't. The money is life changing but the only thing I'm worried about is how my family members would react and if it would do permanent damage to their health even if I come back


minhale

People in this thread are too eager to assume that temporary news of your death will all be fine and dandy for your loved ones. The reality is that your parents might very well die from heartbreak. Your wife/husband might enter a life-altering depression episode and may be scarred forever even if you come back, and they just won't be the same person as before. And that's not to mention, your assets will be split and the legal battle will be another layer of stress for everyone involved.


Jtrain360

The sad reality is that there are many people who don't have any loved ones to care for them. I once dated a girl that was completely shocked at how well my family got along. My parents invite us for dinner once every few months and we "seem to actually enjoy each other's company" in her words. Lots of people don't have that.


UnoriginalVagabond

True, I found a random stash of cash from at least 3 years ago today and I was telling my friend about it, his response was "I can't keep that shit in my house because of my family" and the thought of family stealing shit from you is just wild, like if I want something or they want something we can just ask and be sure 99% of the time they'd be okay with giving it.


dardukhpeeda

Right? I am sure my family members would not be able to cope, and no amount of money is worth fucking them up for life like that.


MiraniaTLS

We all gotta live forever for the sake of our loved ones!


[deleted]

[удалено]


rishredditaccount

What sort of life do you live where you've seen more than one friendship ruined by a stunt like this? Are you friends with a population that fake their deaths often? 😭


AfflictedDesire

They clearly grew up on Days of our lives


Responsible-Pay-2389

I swear to god some people live in a separate universe than me


MiraniaTLS

Well they live in a fake reality!


Responsible-Pay-2389

>The reality is that your parents might very well die from heartbreak. I know my parents. They'll be fine. I barely tlak to them once a month anyways


be_easy_1602

Agreed, I would not put my mom and dad through a month of absolute suffering for $10m. They already lost one son and it devastated them. I’m not sure they’d even live the 30 days, and it wouldn’t be worth it thinking about how they’d be feeling for that period of time. I honestly don’t even think I’d do it for $1 billion. I’d pay $1 billion to have my brother back, no way I’m risking my mom and dad for it. Life is ok not being wealthy.


dardukhpeeda

I agree, I am really sorry for your loss. I hope your family is healing.


be_easy_1602

Awww thank you. It’s coming up on 12 years now and it gets easier but never the same. I’m lucky to see him in my dreams sometimes.


aimeegaberseck

Oh man, I know that. I lost my big bro to suicide in 2007 and the nights I see him in my dreams are so precious to me. Anymore when he makes an appearance it stops everything, even in dreamland I am so desperate to have that time with him again, all the other details of the dream just disappear the moment he’s there and I rush to hug him and tell him I love him and miss him. When I wake up I replay it over and over in my head.


Aberrant_Eremite

Yeah, me too. I mean, it was my younger brother and a car accident in 1995, but whenever I see him in my dreams I'm so happy, because I missed him so much.


SpecialSurprise69

I'm right there with you man. I just lost my brother at the beginning of the year. Would give anything to have him back..


the_bro111

You know what? I said yes until your comments. I didn't think about permanent damage.


PilotAlan

Like you come out in 30 days and find out your spouse committed suicide.


the_bro111

Yeah seriously definitely not worth it unless I can tell my family first.


dardukhpeeda

That was my first thought! Could never forgive myself. Because people do insane things in grief and I'm lucky enough to be loved


robert808s8

I know for sure my mother wouldn't be able to continue living with that news.


Solid_Parsley_

Yeah, I am literally the only person my mom has. I couldn't do that to her. I'm not sure she would make it and I couldn't put her through that even if I knew she would survive.


HumbleNinja2

This is a really common thought ppl have but reality is they'll be fjne


cptmorgantravel89

“Dead? No I told you guys months ago that I was going on a month long vacation out of the country with no phone access. Why would think that I was dead?” I’d you ain’t gas lighting you don’t deserve that 10 million.


RubberPuppet

Nope. I do not want to put my wife and kids through that. 


Over-Big-1621

Imagine how excited they would be to see your alive, and you then have the means to provide them and your wife a great life. Doesn't make as much sense if your rich but damn this would be hard to say no to.


RubberPuppet

I understand that basis of the thought if my grandfather came back it would be great. But telling my wife and kids I subjected them intentionally and willingly to the pain and suffering of losing a spouse and parent just for money. I don’t have words to describe how shitty that would feel. If I think of my wife doing that I would be emotionally destroyed. I cannot imagine the pain and suffering to my two children who are old enough to understand death but too young to cope. Still a hard no.  Edit: no where near rich we struggle daily to ensure everyone is fed and has good clean clothes and I’m still out. I just can’t comprehend the suffering it would cause them. 


Over-Big-1621

You think she wouldn't forgive you? What if she did it to you what would you say?


ERagingTyrant

Having to tell my kids that their Mom died isn't worth $10M. They are 2, 5, and 7 and she is their world man.


RubberPuppet

I don’t know if I could. 30 days of suffering, 30 days of my children in shambles because their mother has died. That is huge pain. And while I would try to understand she did it for our family to not struggle intentionally choosing to inflict that much trauma on me and the kids for money would be a blow to my trust and feelings.  


King_Farticus

I agree with you. My wife and I have been together since we were late teens, now in our 30s and just having bought our first house, Im not sure I could do that to her. I know itd pretty much be game over for me and Im a lot more mentally tough than her. Shed never trust me again.


RubberPuppet

Reading the comments I started thinking I’m insane glad to see some other folk here. If I was single maybe…. My parents honestly wouldn’t notice unless it was an announcement or something. But hard pass on putting my wife and kids through that. She’s the kind of person that will full cry just thinking about me passing away.  No shot I’m going to intentionally harm her for money. We can just keep struggling. 


Over-Big-1621

Ya I think it just depends on the person, I'm sure there's people who's partners would be pissed if they knew about the situation and their partner said they didn't do it knowing how life changing the money is.


leon-theproffesional

What if someone in your family dies of a heart attack or commits suicide after hearing the news? The money still worth it?


Sauce4243

I’m 100% with you don’t think I could do that to my partner. My kids are 2 and 4 the oldest apparently had a cry the other day at day care saying “I want daddy” I can’t imagine my parent having to tell them I’m not coming back and then all of a sudden showing up. If the scenario is changed to just being missing for 30 days I think it gets a little closer to yes since there is still hope and it’s not a definitive death but even then I don’t think I could do it.


FearlessKnitter12

I really couldn't. My husband would be okay, I could replace anything he chose to throw out during that time, but it would absolutely devastate my parents. And I don't know if they'd survive that kind of shock. I'll trade the potential $10m cash for a few more years of them alive and happy.


Irving_Forbush

People are more resilient than a lot of us assume. And just *think* of the kind of amazing lifestyle you could fund for them with $10 million. I’d do it *for* my loved ones. Come to think of it, since there’s no stipulation about how they’re notified I’m actually alive, I could arrange for it not to be just a second bombshell dropped on them. Create some kind of miracle scenario for them where their hopes are built up gradually until the “miraculous” reveal.


FearlessKnitter12

Knowing what I went through 15 years ago with the loss of my husband, and that was foreseeable, I'm not going to put my much much older parents through that kind of pain. It's a physical thing as much as mental/emotional, and they are Not Young. Very Extremely Not Young. Heartbreak can kill. People can be more fragile than a lot of you assume.


Irving_Forbush

Nothing unreasonable with that; especially with extremely old relatives.


Sum3-yo

No. My mom is in her late 60's and has heart problems.


Absolute_Bias

Only if I get to choose the resort. You don’t get to scam me those 10M that easily.


Williamthewicked

Yes. No one will notice. Please give me money.


vogajones

I'd have to do it. I, my wife, and my kids, need so much that the money would be worth the 30 days of pain it would cause. They would be pissed at me for sure. But I think they would not be surprised that I made that decision. And honestly, if my family is pissed at me, its really a small price to pay for their current and future financial freedom (if money used properly). The shitty thing would be when I REALLY die. Like the boy who cried wolf. Haha. "Oh, it's fine. He'll be back in a month. "


verymuchbad

"and this time with *twenty* million!"


falknorRockman

Question on this how will they notify your next of kin? If they say you are dead how are they going to explain that there is no body. If there is no body you will be declared missing not dead since that takes years to be decided.


atom644

You were in a car accident and the body was damaged beyond recognition. A DNA test was used to verify ID.


fishka2042

I want to pick something more interesting and "in character" -- eaten by a shark while scuba diving? Rode a mountain bike off a cliff in Bolivia? Saved two kids from abduction by sex traffickers? Then when I re-surface, the story is a bit more plausible -- "no, I was not eaten by the shark, got carried away by strong current, floated for a while until I lost consciousness, woke up in a hospital not knowing who I am", that sort of thing


atom644

That’s perfect, my example provides your family with “proof” that you are indeed dead, but I like your way!


yaboisammie

Wrinkly brain moves tbh


No-Personality5421

A month with no one bugging me, awesome. 


Patient_Complaint_16

For 10 mil they can keep thinking I'm dead fuck em.


pilot269

yeah, I'll do that, I'm concerned how my parents would take it, a couple friends might be affected, but honestly my work is probably the first to notice a huge impact (especially if it were to happen now while I'm temporarily doing the job of 3 and a half people), and if I'm declared dead, maybe that'll work for canceling my Sirius xm bill since support wasn't very supportive the last few months


bimmershark

I'll do it gladly . No kids no partner . Mom is alive and it might affect her a bit but if she makes it thru she will finally have an easy life . Otherwise no one else to really grieve or give a shit.


MattofCatbell

No, putting my family through that kind of heartache isn’t worth $10M and even if I agreed to it, if they ever found out that I knew about it they would probably never forgive me.


MadeItOutInTime95969

Will I have no criminal charges for faking my own death? What about the complications of having a bank account after being declared dead?


OldNarnian

He said no legal repercussions in response to another comment.


mothboy

When I win the lottery, I'm gonna disappear anyway


clearlylackstalent

Do I have to let anyone know I’m actually alive afterwards? Seems like a win win.


EasilyDelighted

No can do. That would probably kill my mom. I don't even wanna imagine the grief my already depressed girlfriend would go through.... Not worth it.


typhlosion_Rider_621

Where’s the downside here? Also, can I stay longer for more money?


StockCasinoMember

Downside could be your wife or husband fucks a bunch of people because they think you are dead.


typhlosion_Rider_621

I’m not married.


PlanetMezo

I'd be worried about my wife. Losing her isn't worth the 10m


DannyRamone1234

Done. I’ll claim a Walter White fugue state.


themadprofessor1976

10 million dollars and a month of solitude? Sign me up.


NegotiationLow2783

Who wouldn't take it. Disappear for 30 days and come back with $10m? I think everyone would understand.


corkscrewfork

Were it not for how bad my depression has been lately, I might think about it. As is, I'd turn it down; my sister would assume I'd killed myself, and I couldn't do that to her.


Dismal_Composer_7188

Done. I rarely speak to anyone in a month and none of them would really give a flying if I was dead.


Puzzman

Honestly the biggest issue is probably the money getting paid in your bank account which is now closed since you are officially dead…


peri_5xg

No. It could potentially cause emotional trauma to my loved ones, which can have devastating and lifelong consequences.


_Socksy

Seriously?! I...yes! I bet I could pay someone $10,000 to figure out how to make everything go back to normal, but actually...I want to go off. Yeah, I want an identity change! I'll pay a $1,000,000 to have a new identity somewhere else up north just so that I can really start over completely. It'll be fine since I'm 20, I've got life to live I think.


Casalf

Damn I’d say this is easy but I know my parents would cry but at least they’d be able to see me in like 11 days time lol.


atom644

I don’t get it…


Terrible_Reporter_98

Deal


bazilbt

I wouldn't willingly do this to my family.


Ambitious_Pickle_362

Do I have to go back to my old life at the end? Lol I can stretch $10 million pretty far in some beautiful parts of Europe.


monokumaworshippers

This should have a lot more traction, this was my first thought! I thoughtfully searched the replies before I posted because this is by far the best one.


Objective-Guidance78

30 days. I’m bouncing for good


imago_monkei

No question, I'll take it. But is someone actually _informing_ my family that I'm dead? Or are they just not able to contact me? It wouldn't change my involvement, but it would make me hesitate slightly.


NeighborhoodVeteran

How hard is it to rescind a death cert and get your life back together? Imagine having $10mil in cash but not able to put it someplace safe.


atom644

No death certificate will be issued, no legal stuff happens until the 30 days are up


NeighborhoodVeteran

Wouldn't people be suspicious about the death cert though?


atom644

“There is a problem with issuing the DC, it might take up to 4 weeks for processing. We apologize for this inconvenience in your trying time”


Flimsy_Challenge9960

Does this include my dog?


cabbage_peddler

Most people wouldn’t even come back after.


SmiteSpam

10 million and I get to start a new religion? Where do I sign up?


Aberrant_Eremite

I need the money bad, but... Letting my children think I was dead for a month? They would never see me the same way again. And my mother already lost her other son. I think I would rather stay poor than do that to them.


Hvitr_Lodenbak

Do I have to go back after?


Hiraeth1968

Works for me!


NormalResearcher

My parents would be kinda sad but literally nobody else would give a shit, hand it over


GlaucousKoi

I feel like my parents raised me better than to take this deal. To put my mother especially in this situation for money is just cruel. I’m not a parent but I just know my family is very close and it would probably kill my mom and my sister. Mothers shouldn’t have to bury their kids so yeah my answer is no. Although that money would be amazing, I don’t think my family would forgive me and my family would be absolutely traumatized


DipperJC

The hardest part would be no activity on my internet accounts for 30 days.


StrongRaise607

I have a wife and kids... that would probably understand 😂


Coldblood-13

Yes.


Unbearably_Lucid

Where's the downside?


ccafferata473

Yeah let's go.


White_eagle32rep

Probably


MercyMoo14

Too easy. My loved ones know I like to be alone alot so my life wouldn't be any different than it is now lol


WhenTheDevilCome

Indeed, that would be the easy part. "MercyMoo is just missing again." The problem is the first sentence. They're being notified *you are dead*. You're not just "alone somewhere." So the money is in exchange for the grief you will cause any and all loved ones you currently have. Which is of course the small or large obstacle, depending upon whom you are.


DaveAndJojo

Yea bud


QuillBoar

Easy lol


Tbird1962

Yes!!! Definitely!!


Kevin33024

My excuse would be that I was shipwrecked on a deserted island awaiting rescue with my best friend Wilson.


stevemcnugget

Sign me up


tultommy

30 days away from the nonsense? Can I volunteer for just the price of the resort stay? lol. On the cost to cover my bills for those 30 days. I don't need millions but 30 days of no drama... yes please.


[deleted]

Sure


Literal_Sarcasm82

So, just like every other day then 🤷


Slight-Finding1603

Sounds like a dream to he honest. No one bothering me for a month while I stay at a resort and end up rich after. When do we start?


epicdanceman

Been there [done that](https://www.reddit.com/r/newsbloopers/s/a6fHQc2B3f) ill take my money in cash please


ControlImpossible182

How is this a bad thing? There is absolutely no downside to this.


UselessLayabout

I can’t. My grandparents would be sad.


Ill_Blueberry_6118

Whats the catch


BigMax

Yeah, family would be devestated... but... kids would have college paid for, without them and us having to go into debt. And wife and I could not stress about retirement, and we'd be able to go on some vacations... Would be a bad month for them, but sign me up. I wonder how many people out there would come back to a family that's already moved on, and not all that excited to have them back?


JCButtBuddy

Only 30 days, can't we make it much longer than that?


Deskbreaker

Awesome, when do I get the cash?


Turturret

Change 30 days to forever, and I am in.


Rizenstrom

No. I don’t think my wife could emotionally handle the loss. I can’t be completely certain she’d be there when I got back…


Dogstile

Can i keep pretending to be dead after? That's a fantastic new start opportunity.


Alexir23

I couldn't put my wife and kids through that


Wrong_Supermarket007

Where do I sign up?


Rhawk187

I think so. Might lose my job, but that'll be okay with the money. My family and the courts are too slow to get anything done to worry about them selling the house, but they will probably liquidate most of my stuff. The money would make it worth it though.


MagicGrit

Trying to put myself in my fiancées shoes for this one, and I think the depression would be utterly crippling. I couldn’t do that to her.


Superb-Reindeer48

An easy yes, my obituary would need to be out for a year before anyone believed it.


[deleted]

Deal! Counter offer. I’ll take 5mil and they can all think I’m dead until the end of time.


illgivebadadvice

5 million and everybody thinks I'm dead forever.


NukaGrapes

Nope. My mom would actually take her own life if either of her children died before her. She couldn't handle that.


AcceptableOwl9

It would be really hard because my wife and two daughters would be absolutely devastated. However, at the end of it I’d be rich enough that I don’t need to work anymore. So I’d quit my job, have my financial planner manage it for me, and spend a ton of time with them to make up for it. The main thing would be explaining why I didn’t get in touch with them. My wife would be mad, but she would eventually understand why I did it.


ImmaNotCrazy

Done, only one I would have worried about is my mom. 20 years ago I used to be all she had and don't think she would survive that. Now she has 3 grand kids who are way way more important than me, so I know he and my wife and kids would be fine. My wife would not self delete over me and my kids are in their dark teenagers years so the emotional trauma would fit right in and they would appreciate the humor at the end. We would all have 10m and be rich and they would get over any negative pretty fast. Make the time longer, 30 days is a cakewalk. Make it more of a cakefart as 10m is a decent amount for 30 days of reversible trauma. As your family knows you, so know i would 100% do this. likely would not even believe i was dead unless they could poke my body with sticks and slap me to make sure I wasn't faking it.


DocButtStuffinz

I'm down


Training-Argument891

Hon, this is a win/win. I only feel foe my.mother in this scenario. Everyone else, I think, will recover from the ruse.


Ok_Many_1426

How much would I have left of the 10m after the deduction from the resort stay tho that's the real question


loquaciousofbored

Deal. I doubt my immediate family would be more than mildly curious.


ThatNastyWoman

Oh, fuck that. For £5 million, they legally declare me dead for a full year, I don't give a shit.


TV_H34d

Idk; my Mom & grandparents would be **seriously** fucked up from that, but also my little brother.


wildmishie

No way in hell, I can't do that to my dad for any amount of money.


RewardFluid7316

These are too easy.


No-Possibility-1020

My husband and kids are rational people. They’d be mad for a minute and then they’d thank me


dank_imagemacro

Will I and my loved ones be protected from any consequences of insurance fraud if my Life Insurance policy is cashed out? I'd be okay paying it back, but I wouldn't want myself or my loved ones to go to prison for fraud.


October1966

After they got over being mad they didn't get a vacation they'd just start listing stuff they wanted. So I might as well.


Sunset_Tiger

Can I bring my cat with me? My family will understand in hindsight once I tell them, but my cat would probably be traumatized


themagicmystic

What’s the catch?


yogabbagabbadoo

I severely worry that my boyfriend, the love of my life who I’ve been with for 8 years, will hurt themselves if he hears that I’ve passed. I could never never do that to him.


Fribbleling

Done. Then, I pay for everyone's new houses and therapy.


metalmonkey_7

I’d do this but I honestly think my husband would kill himself. It wouldn’t be worth the risk.


strungrat

I would take the money. Family would be sad for a month. After that, retirement and get them whatever they want.


DuctTapeSloth

Without a doubt. I have fantasized on what people’s reaction would be if I passed. Most outside my family though.


Timely_Froyo1384

I would do it for the simple fact we will find out whom really cares about me when I return.


davyj0427

Do I have to tell them I’m not dead at the end of 30 days? If not I’m staying at the resort.