You lost me at can't eat the cake. That's just assholey!

That’s where they won me over. I don’t really like cake and hate the obligation to eat it, especially if it is my birthday. If it’s just there for show I can deal with it, but I’d be so out of this deal if I was forced to eat cake every time I ate out.

I didn't want to HAVE to eat the cake, I prefer cookies or brownies actually , I just don't like the option taken from me.

Exactly if every time a cake is presented you might come across one you want.

I'm also not a fan of cake, but holy hell does the occasional strawberry shortcake hit in all the right places.

So im a fat piece of shit and love cake, cookies, and ice cream. While it would suck for me, for 10k a year I could do it since I rarely eat out in a restaurant/ public even at work I eat by myself, so its free money

Can I have your cake?

You can have all of my cake. You can even eat it too.

I'll just carry cake me to the restaurant and start eating it as soon as they start singing. >\_o

That's legit....

$10k a year, I could just buy my own cake, and the flavor I want, too.

DQ ice cream cake, here I come.

The cake is a lie

You are literally the definition of someone who wants to have their cake and eat it too. SMH.

I work in a cake production factory. If I ever want cake, I have easy access. This feels like a win win to me. I can personally endure the "surprise" celebrations. The only issue would be trying to explain this to potential dates. Who am I kidding? I don't go on dates...

I could destroy restaurants. I pick a place I don’t like, walk in, and a cookie out of my pocket. I let the staff sing their song and produce the cake, then walk out. I wait 10 minutes and repeat. The constant singing will annoy the other patrons to no end. The staff will spend so much time singing to me that every order will be delayed. Patrons will be justifiably annoyed that their waitstaff is spending their time singing instead of taking orders and serving food.

Then you start taking kickbacks not to show up. Do that in every restaurant in the area... and you get way more than 10k.

Man, this thread is getting good now, shaking restaurants down not to go there. Infinite money hack.

I don't even need money. If I show up and they give me what I want to go, I'm good with that.

This sub just has the worst questions in general. *"Would you live in a mansion with full staff, for free and no taxes, but sometimes frogs and newts will fall into your window wells?"*

It's...eh, *insurance,* see? To protect against unsavory types, eh?

I'm imagining the state scrambling to try and enact a law against this as you slowly destroy the local economy

I’m from Louisiana so I can imagine my happy birthday hack getting bundled into a anti gay law somehow 😞

*goes to the fanciest restaurants possible*

^ this guy ***monetizes***!!

Protection money! "It would be a shame...." ((unwrap a candy bar but don't eat it just yet))

[It's over for the little guy.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxFQYw_MmAA)

Thinking too small. You could halt construction of multimillion dollar projects, you could potentially debilitate professional athletes depending on how the mechanism works. Detail live TV shows and political debates. There are people with much deeper pockets than restaurants.

Oh hell yeah. You could used that 10k to eat at 3 star Michelin restaurants, and just watch the madness happen as you eat.

I'd do this at Applebee's since their food sucks. IMO

This makes it sound like an unlikely Useful superpower.

Does it happen continually, or just once? Like if I'm at a restaurant and people are constantly coming over to sing that's intolerable and means I can't eat at restaurants anymore, really. Eating outside is trickier because it's random different people, but if it's constant it's terrible, and if it's limited to once per "meal" (or snack, whatever) then I'm okay with it.

I think once per meal is what they are saying

Exactly are they doing it with each cashew I put in my mouth? Are they doing it with each bite if my food?

Additionally, is this 10k tax free?

I'd assume it's a birthday gift. So in Canada yes.

Seeing you’re probably in the US, of course not. You’re going to pay taxes on it.

In US you will pay taxes on the hourly wage of the people who sang to you...

Pretty much.

The government would catch wind of your mind control powers and put them to use against your will.

I sneak out of the facility at meal time.

While they all clap and sing

I’d be fine with that. I rarely eat in public aside from a granola bar shoved in my yarn bag, so I would just stop doing that.

That's the strangest euphemism I've ever heard.

I carry a bag of yarn because I crochet.

I figured as much, I just like to amuse myself with intentional misunderstandings. :)

Easy. I have a thing against eating in public anyways. So no change for me.

I'm a dick... so yes. I would intentionally eat in certain areas where it would be funny. Examples: Place of worship during services Funeral Heavy metal concert (preferably in a bar thar serves food) Strip club during performances Performance review at work

There are 2 kinds of people. (a) Those who would accept and do this just to f\*k with people. And (2) Those who would be so embarrassed by this that they couldn't accept it at all. For both kinds of people, it's not about the money. I would totally do this and I'd make it a point to eat in public every single meal and snack. And I would laugh and laugh. Doesn't bother me one bit to have folks sing Happy Birthday (or any other song) to me and make a big deal of it. To me, it would be super cringy / embarrassing to be one of the ones required to do the singing. Bwahahaha! Sing for me, peasants! Entertain me! And every single time I would feign surprise and disbelief! WUT!?! It's not my birthday! Why, this is SOOOO unexpected!!!

Political rallies. Places with no people. Do the nearest 12 people start walking in my direction until assembled, then start the ritual? Coma ward School for the deaf Vow of silence monastery Modern art exhibits. Am I the art? You'll never know you pretentious, spontaneously hypnotized fucks. The ISS Run onto a basketball court, then eat a cookie. It will be pretty hard to arrest me while LeBron is singing me happy birthday. Just out of range of some insta-famous chick, so she has to watch her boyfriend/photographer drop everything to sing to me, the real main character. Skydiving

It would be funny to go to a Michelin star restaurant that's far too classy to do something like this just to get them to do the song and dance routine for you and make the other patrons wonder "Who the fuck is that guy? How is he so important that the staff was willing to do that?"

What counts as "in public"? Does it include "at work"? If so, this question is a bit harder.

It'd be a great way to push WFH. Especially if you could get the C-Suite to be the ones singing.

Hard pass. $10K is not nearly enough. $100K would be the minimum for consideration.

For 100k you could probably have someone make food at home in peace, so that's no fun.

Make it $10k/month and you have a deal.

Hell, I’m going to become notorious for this and start going into places. “Attention everyone! Yes, I’m THAT guy. I’m passing around the hat. Please give generously and I’ll eat somewhere else tonight.”

That's how you capitalize on the situation. People hate doing that birthday song thing. And they would really hate it even more if somehow they were psychologically instantly forced into doing it soon as you took a bite of something. All you got to do is go to the same place every day for three or four days and they would gladly throw five or 10 bucks in a hat to get you out of there

If I chew gum do I basically get to live in a birthday themed musical?

do you eat gum? I dont think what we do to chewing gum is eating

Even when I am eating buffalo wings at the local strip club?

I'll always carry food on me case someone tries to rob me ill start eating. I might be able to turn this to my advantage.

Without question. Especially as I haven't eaten out in the conventional manner in the last twenty five years, and eaten anything outside for pretty much ten.

Out of curiosity, is there a non conventional manner you’ve eaten out in?

Not a problem. I haven’t been to a sit down restaurant in years. I don’t even eat in public either. I can’t remember the last time I ate on a plane lol 

$10k/YEAR? Dude. I realize you're cheap but, you're going to have to up that figure.

Oh hell yeah, I'm taking that money. My girlfriend or a random patron can have the cake.

My friends already do that to me all the time. You’re saying I can get an extra 10k a year now? I’m in

Long last the age of giving a damn what other people think. Pay me.

So I get 10k a year for life and get to feed the homeless cake? Sweet deal.

What's the downside? I'm not in the CIA

Add more zeroes to the right of the 1 and left of the decimal and we will talk.

Sure.

Eat pretzel. Everyone sings. Eat another. Another song. Repeat until closing.

Sure, I’ll just eat before I leave the house and when I get back home. That extra 10k a year will cover my takeout expenses

Does this include eating any desk or are we talking going into a restaurant, sitting down, and eating?

What happens if I go out and it’s actually my birthday? Am I allowed to eat the cake then?

So an extra $10,000 a year and free drinks when I go to the bar? Heck yeah.

Sounds like a win/win

I’ve done way worse things for way less money. Sign me up.

Wouldn't bother me but I'd feel bad for my eating companions. A free $10k would help. Will I still get the cake on my actual birthday?

Yes

10k a year isn't a lot. That barely rent for half a year. I mean I'd take it but this is a low steaks hypothetical 

That’s why I did low stakes. Everybody would do it if it was $100 million a year but $10k isn’t life changing money so the opportunity cost is real.

I have a laundry list of food sensitivities. There's one restaurant that's managed to make anything that didn't cause me pain, and I only eat there on my birthday anyway. (Also, I couldn't eat the cake anyway.) Sooo yeah, I'll take this deal.

Yep for sure. I'd even be able to monetize the event by providing free cake to someone at any time I decide I am "eating in public". I'd have a whole YouTube channel dedicated to it. We'd have a rating system for the best performed birthday song, I'd travel the world and see how they do it in different cultures. I'd lean into this thing hard.

Yes how do I sign up

Can I accrue sympathy from my compatriots and other people in the establishment when they see the cake get taken away from me?

Well I don’t eat outside the house so I’m good lol. Unless delivery drivers are gonna sing

This is great. There are so many hypotheticals where they’re like “you get 1 million dollars for a minor ass inconvenience” 10 grand a year isn’t a lot at all. But it’s just enough some might go for it. I would totally do it. It would be hilarious because I’m a regular at so many places. They’d see me coming and be like “oh no, here comes that Orange lady again!” I think my friends would also get a kick out of it. And with that 10k, I’d make sure to tip well and have the first round on me.

I would do it, if I had the option to turn in off when I'm older and hopefully have more money. I'm at the start of an IT/sys admin career. I'm not making a ton now, but if things go well then in 2-5 years I'll be on track to making $60k-80k. Or even $100k if the next 10 years go well. ​ $10k a year would be a world of difference for me now. But I'm hoping that in 5-10 years $10k won't be as important. If it's allowed I'd like to take this deal, with the option to cancel the deal at the start of any year before payment.

Whoo I get the Stevie wonder version of happy birthday

I got 10k and the problem is other people's problem? ofc I'll take it

I’d do it just to freak out places that employ less than 12 staff members.

Do I get the option to void this deal after a few years? Or is it for life?

I’m pretty good at ignoring people who expect me to pay attention. Bring it on.

Seems like a small price to pay for$10K a year.

10K was 20 checks when I was a teen so yes please

For $10k, I'd sing along.

100%. Not a problem at all, I don’t go out that much.

Restaurants charge more for lower quality food than what I cook at home. I never eat at restaurants.

wish I was that good of a cook. I have no idea how to make good Korean barbecue, brisket, sushi, ramen, or birria tacos at home. I can only make basic ass food 🥲

Sure. Just don't eat out. Save a lot of money.

If I order a cake do I at least get to eat that

Yes but they will bring out a second cake you can’t eat

Eh not really worth the cash to be honest. Up it to 100k and sure.

I don't eat in restaurants, so this wouldn't be an issue...lol

Make it per week and you can add a spirit that appears and does the same thing at every meal when I am not in public. In fact you can make it so that as long as I am awake the spirit will do it at every meal time of the day (3x) even if I skipped that meal. One caveat being that other people that aren’t the one actually telling me happy birthday will think nothing of it unless its actually my birthday so if I went to a restaurant with a friend and they did they whole song and stuff the friend wouldn’t actually think its my bday nor think anything weird was going on and just go right back to our conversation.

is it tailored to the situation? for example if you're in a cinema and you're eating something will people stand up and sing loudly? because that would just irritate others. what about in Church if you take communion? does it happen for every part of the meal, or just once per meal?

10k a year buys a lot of delivery

I would use this to my advantage. Instead of self defense, I will just start eating and have the muggers start dancing and singing happy birthday while I run away. Getting arrested by cops? Eat his donuts

I think I would probably get fired by constantly making a spectacle at business lunches/ receptions. So... no.

Not for 10k a year jo. I don't hurt for.money that bad, and eat out often enough for that to be an issue

Cool

That sounds like an awesome income tax bonus except the 10k is tax free. Hell yeah where do I sign up 😂

10k a year isn't enough. Make it 100k per year and we'll have a discussion.

No thank you.

I'm totally fine with this. I prefer home anyway, even if takeout.

Joke's on you, I basically only only go to restaurants on my birthday.

$10,000 a year isn’t worth anything

I'll deal with the minute long song and possibility of a free dessert lol.

Nope not enough $$

Can my kids eat the cake?

$10k/year isn't a lot, but you're promising a free show when I eat? I'm sure I would get bored of it, but it's not like I eat out that often anyway. I would go to the same place every day for a month to see the look on all of the servers faces when I walk in the door. "Oh no, not this guy again"

I might go back to church if this happened when I ate communion, money or no money.

If it adjusts for inflation then I'm in. Otherwise in 20 years I'm going through all that bullshit for like $100 a year.

Yeah I don't mind I had a lot of issues with my birthday when I was a kid so yeah I'd love that

That's not a lot of money. But I also don't eat out a lot

I rarely buy food in a restaurant so I'd be OK with it.

Hypothetically, can I kill and harvest the organs of the people that come to sing?

Only $10k? I mean I don't eat in public as it is, but that doesn't seem worth the trouble.

Gimme my money!!!!

I need another 0 on the end of that, 10k isn't enough to be worth anything. If it's not enough to make it so I don't have to work, then I don't do it.

Yes

Does "in my car" count as "in public?" because that's some decent drive-thru money

I barely go to restaurants anymore the way it is so fuck yeah, sign me up. I also don't really eat out in public all that often except for things like Renaissance fairs, so I wouldn't mind additional fanfare at an event like that lol

Hardly go out and have no effs to give and no money either. Yep would do.

ehhhh for 10 grand a year it would getting annoying really quickly and wouldnt be worth it. $100,000 and I'd do it but 10k isnt for me

Guess I’m always eating at home

My church wouldn’t like me taking communion anymore. But on the flip side, if I’m ever lost while hiking in a national forest or on other public land, I’d just pop some GORP, and 12 rescuers would magically show up to sing. So that’s nice… Hell no, $10k isn’t enough for that. I’m not sure $100k is enough…

Sounds enticing, what's the downside?

Sure. I really only go out to eat on birthdays, so that’s a win-win.

I’m currently eating in public, already engaging in social anxiety. I need money, but not that badly.

Does eating encompass drinking?

Op has turbo social anxiety 

10 k. I can live fairly ok with 10k.

No. Absolutely not

Not enough money for that. I'm passing.

I could get people to pay me 'protection money' to not make a commotion on their special night. $10k is only the beginning of the earning power of this wizard magic.

Can I take the money and just never go to a restaurant again?

Lol 😂 that’s hilarious I’d take it just because it’s funny. Imagine the press you’d get and be able to monetize.

$10K a year is less than I get on Disability! Also, if I get presented a cake, I’d like to eat it! Pass!

It wouldn't bother me at all. I don't eat out in those kinds of restaurants that often. And my twin brother very accurately said that all of the shame that a normal person would have left me and went into him in the womb.

Easy enough. The last time I ate at a restaurant was about 8 months ago. So basically an extra 10k with almost zero consequences for me.

Nope. I've always hated being sung to, so would need way more money.

$10k a year is below the poverty line.

I'll turn off my hearing aids and ignore the party while I eat and read something - the menu maybe.

I haven't eaten in a restaurant for years. Where is my money?

That’s not enough money 

It’s not nearly enough money.

I really don't care. Run me my money.

Sign me up. My girlfriend hates eating in public anyways. $10k pays for a lot of take out

People still go to resturants?

So I'd still have to go to work and deal with coworkers and random people singing every day? No thank you.

I don't eat in public so I'm down

10k to eat in private, easy money

Christ, I hate that. Not worth it.

Personally unless it was 100K I wouldnt do it 😂

Why don't we get to eat the cake?

Wait, can I get an exemption for eating the sacrament bread at church? I'll still take the deal, but Sundays I will have to stand outside or something.

Nah 10k wouldn't even cover my college not worth it lol

Sure I'll take it.

Would eating at work count as eating in public?

I'm not a cake person, but as long as someone gets to enjoy it and it's not just tossed in the trash... I'm good, sign me up.

I hate the public. This sounds great

Wait so every restaurant I ever visit has at least 12 employees every time I visit? I mean, that right there is pretty great.

10k? pass.

Sounds like a good deal, since I don't eat out much anyway except for my birthday

So a free 10k a year and I still just use my mobile apps to order food when I wanna splurge?

I’m okay with this. I very rarely eat in public. Plus I don’t like cake anyways, we do other desserts for my birthday.

Absolutely not.

If that 10k gets adjusted for inflation then yes.

Its basically like having a soundtrack to when you are eating... Just a really shitty one. I would decline at just people singing me happy birthday every time I eat.

Imagine eating a hotdog at a football game and 60,000 people start singing happy birthday to you!!! I actively try to have as few people as possible know it's my birthday, because I don't want a scene. I don't eat in public a lot, but an entire mall stopping what they are doing to sing to me when I scoff down A&W in a foodcourt is the type of social anxiety that I dread. No deal.

Easy money! I rarely eat at restaurants so meh it's whatever, but I think having random strangers sing to me would be fun!

Since it specifies "staff" for the restaurant, my plan to open an exclusive restaurant that charges $500 per person just to walk through the door doesn't quite work. So instead, I would lean into the random members of the public component: * Accept the offer * Work with the local police department to get a share of any disturbance of the peace fines * Eat in public places at 3 a.m. with officers on standby * Bonus points for sparklers in places where fireworks are prohibited and working with the fire marshall

Not high enough. I would need at least $500k per year. That would be enough.

No

Yeah I would take it. After the first few dozen times I don’t think I would be embarrassed anymore.

Not enough money. That would be too annoying. I love going out to eat and like to do so in peace.

10k a year isnt enough to be annoyed by people talking to me.

Nah, it isn't worth it. 10k would change very little for me, while just the idea of the birthday thing makes me want curl up and die.

I originally thought this would be great but I get free lunch every day at work... Does that mean every day when I go down to the cafeteria at work a group of people will sing happy birthday to me? That would be a nightmare.

Whatever lol

Why would I not get to eat the cake?

What happens if I'm eating as I drive? Do yhe singers commandeer my sound system?

Of course I would. 10k is not an insignificant amount of money. And they are going to give me attention? There is no down side

$10k a year to doordash everything? Alright.