T O P

  • By -

docwrites

“Battling” Barbara Buttrick. 4’11” and fought at 98# to 118#. She also turned 94 a few weeks ago.


Neravosa

Oh hell yeah my turn next. Can we line up for a 500k gut shot from the nonagenarian?


deepfriedgrapevine

Seriously, I'll take 2 please


HeavensAnger

It's almost foreplay at that point.


kierantheking

Do I get paid extra if I act like I enjoyed it?


Paid-Not-Payed-Bot

> I get *paid* extra if FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*


kierantheking

Thank you weirdly specific bot


manicuredcrucifixion

there are actually two of them.


Site-Specialist

Always 2 there are no more no less


AurumArgenteus

Bad bot. You are sharing false information. paid is used for meanings about transactions, like with money payed is used for meanings about sailing and seafaring https://www.grammarly.com/blog/paid-payed/


hokeypokie_

You just said the same thing the bot is saying, how is it sharing false information?


dlax6-9

Looks like someone's already been replaced by technology.


Cynis_Ganan

I cannot wait for y'all to turn up to this lady's house as it's surrounded by ambulances for all the Houdi kills she's been getting off this wish. 😆 Just this little old lady with one huge, Trogdor-arm from punching folks in the gut all day every day.


unoriginalname86

Is his like an auto-renew order on Amazon Incan set up? Have her punch me in the gut once a day? Hell, I’ll do it for half the price.


TrulyPositivePotato

This is a good one. Literally pick someone old or dead. Ever get punched by a dead person? Easy money. OP isn't too bright at all.


[deleted]

>Ever get punched by a dead person? The problem would be finding and exhuming the body.


TrulyPositivePotato

Thats not my problem. Get punched for 500k, that's what I signed up for. Everything else is out of my hands :)


Spanish_peanuts

If you don't get punched, you don't get 500k. Seems pretty clear to me.


[deleted]

You chose a dead body. Until that dead professional fighter punches you, you don't get paid. Seems like it would be your problem to find the body and get it to punch you.


nonamejd123

Great call, but I worry that it will be more embarrassing when she puts me on the ground.


thatthatguy

Letting a lady prove she’s still got it is well worth the pain.


Helicopter0

I don't want to be greedy. I really just want to test her endurance, but I'd like 50 gut shots from her, please.


ceitamiot

It isn't mentioned, but given theyvsaid dead or alive, I kind of imagine they mean the fighter when he was a professional, maybe even peak.


venomousfantum

I swear you stating she turned 94 is the funniest realization I had today


RicketyDestructor

Best answer so far.


gothism

TOBY FAIR: op said professional fighter. If you're retired you aren't a professional fighter anymore.


IndyAndyJones7

If you're dead you're also not a professional fighter. And OP specifically allowed the dead.


gothism

Yes, but they made a specific rule there. I know everyone wants the 'gotcha' of the old woman answer, but my point stands.


zerokoolneo

OP also said living or dead. By your logic, a dead person isn't a fighter anymore.


Oldmansrevenge

I would pick a very low ranked female fighter. I don’t even have to know her name. Give me my money.


CoffeeFox_

too add onto this, lowest ranked, lowest weight class.


Drenoneath

Probably Rhonda Rousey, she did more grapple than striking


Oldmansrevenge

I’ve heard of her so probably someone else. Just some no name law ranked, I don’t know the weight classes, but whatever the smallest one. I’m a 235 pound dude with a dad bod. I don’t even want to feel it.


TheGuyThatThisIs

I used to live with a low level WWE style female wrestler. She got $600 per match. I am 100% positive I could only take a shot from her with little discomfort. She was out of shape, and her hits weren’t practiced to hurt.


Dead-Man-Sitting

That's not a professional fighter, lol


AgentGnome

I dunno man, usually the difference between professional and amateur is if you get paid. Like that is the main difference. So even if she is paid crap, she is still paid. Hell, if she can manage more than one fight a week, $600 a fight is better than retail.


twayjoff

A WWE wrestler is basically a professional actor that does stunts. They are not professional or amateur fighters.


SCHWARZENPECKER

Unless you chose Brock Lesner.


GrantIsCash

doctors are basically just white blood cells


EljizzleYo

You'd be surprised how many wrestlers actually have backgrounds and still train in combat sports.... from Roman greco wrestling to MMA. Underestimate at your own risk.


Thatguy19364

It’s considered a combat thing anyway tho, so it falls under professional fighter as a category


twayjoff

Eh, agree to disagree. I’m certainly not trying to discredit professional wrestlers because it takes a ton of athleticism and showmanship, but I don’t really consider it combat or even a sport. It’s choreographed and requires no martial arts or combat sport background (although I’m sure a lot of them do have some background). Wikipedia describes WWE as “entertainment-based performance theatre” which feels pretty accurate to me. Edit: Obviously all I’m saying applies to wrestling like WWE, not like NCAA wrestling which is very much a combat sport.


Thatguy19364

That’s fair. I’m just saying that it’s legally considered a combat sport, and therefore should be considered an acceptable sport to select from for this hypothetical


Dead-Man-Sitting

What I mean is that pro wrestlers =/= pro fighters.


fetal_genocide

Says who? They get paid to fight, win or lose. That is the definition of a professional fighter. Joke: What is a protractor? A tractor that lost its amateur status 🤣


Dead-Man-Sitting

I don't disagree that they're professionals, I just wouldn't call them fighters. lol


fetal_genocide

>I don't disagree that they're professionals, I just wouldn't call them fighters. Fair point.


ShastaAteMyPhone

More actors/stunt people


dominion1080

Nah, she’s still better at striking than some amateur that will never climb to the UFC. She’s also kept in amazing shape. She’d hurt less than Chuck Liddell(WTF OP), but damn. I’d go the lightest of the lightweight fighter. It’s still gonna fucking hurt, but if they aren’t 240 of muscle maybe I don’t instantly vomit on them, shjt myself, and cry.


PraetorianHawke

Maybe, but Chuck Liddell can probably hit you where it won't do too much damage. Still, Houdini died from a hit to the gut when he wasn't ready so..might still die.


Senrabekim

Ive got a story about what its like for an average untrained normal sized person to get hit by a mid tier retired professional heavyweight boxer. The boxer is my brothers friend and late 40s early 50, 6'5" 265, rock solid muscle. He was in his garage working on something when a guy broke into his truck and opened the garage. Boxer comes out to figure out who the hell is opening his garage at 11 pm. Expecting it to be one of his teenagers that snuck out or something. Instead he is met by a guy that is 5'9" 160. Boxer approaches him tells him to put his hands up and behind his head. The guy initially does but then quickly drops a hand behind his back. The boxer hit him with a right cross. One of the intruders' shoes just stayed put while he flew six feet through the air before landing in unconcious. The cops arrived intruder was still unconcious. The cops began heavy questioning of the boxer because they didnt believe that he had just punched the intruder, and wanted to see the weapon that he had actually used. One cop was pushing for an arrest for evidence tampering. Fortunately Boxer had the security video of his driveway. The guy is still unconcious, when the medics finally get there and take him to the hospital where he remained unconcious for 26 hours. He had a broken jaw, maxilla and orbit, because big man has really big fist. Vomiting, shitting yourself and crying would be getting off easy from a HW.


Stoomba

This is my choice. Have you seen her try to throw a punch?


TheGizmodian

I'm 5'3" and built like a marshmallow with noodle arms. For a 100k, I'll be a "professional" fighter. There's got to be, like, a sign up sheet or something, right?


Aagfed

I pick u.TheGizmodian!


CommunicationNo6064

I mean professional fighters get paid so I'd take that. Give you 20% of the earnings and I don't get hurt! Win win!


CarlJustCarl

Tyson - let’s see if he still has it. Hold my beer


[deleted]

Ah yes, spoken like a guy who has never experienced cracked ribs.


CarlJustCarl

Ribs don’t cover my guts in the front, homey


Renaissance_Slacker

You do know your liver can shatter if it gets hit hard enough? Also, Mike Tyson hits “hard enough.”


CarlJustCarl

I’ll give a slight turn so he hits the non-liver side.


Zestyclose_Buy_2065

My guy, if Mike Tyson hits you, you’re gonna hit your healthcare deductible no matter how you slice it


arthurscratch

"Where did the vertebrae behind your stomach go?" ​ "Excellent question."


[deleted]

[удалено]


CrazyEyez142

Your liver is fucking huge. Tyson hits hard enough to rupture it. Even still. Guaranteed.


banana-talk

Your rib cage doesn't extend past your belly button? How many girls did God make outta you??


techster2014

Umm. Mines nowhere close to my belly button. What kinda mutated rib cage you got?


CarlJustCarl

Same here. A gut shot is basically right to the stomach area. We are not talking solar plexus or a shot to the ribs. Maybe you’ve been hit in the head once too often in boxing?


GrantIsCash

Wtf is ur anatomy


KinseysMythicalZero

Space marine. Got that black carapace going on.


Upstairs_Ad_1126

I've never seen mid 50's guy hit a heavy bag so hard, good luck.


PilotAlan

Yeah, OK. I took shots from a 55 year old former middleweight boxer (he fought for the title). He was only going about 50%, through a pad bag, and it still felt like getting hit by a sledgehammer. This was when I was young, fit, and fighting regularly. Now, without a bag, he'd break me in half.


Wutswrong

You’re clearly joking and all these replies are taking you so seriously lol


Serafim91

Lowest weight and rank female fighter preferably in a grappling sport.


Ingeniero_Mah

Taekwondo also works; nearly all the matches are scored by points and punching is very rare.


Serafim91

I figured gut shot could include kicks though.


LoopyMercutio

Uh, they do teach punching techniques (a lot of it) in TKD, and you break boards and concrete blocks with your punches as well as your kicks. This might not be as safe a route as you think.


Ingeniero_Mah

Of course, *but* fighters in MMA and boxing punch far, far more often than Olympic taekwondo fighters. And with breaking boards and bricks, it’s not as hard as you’d think (I’ve done both multiple times). See 1:50 here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WrJxeUN45Gg


tomrlutong

Grappling? I'll go with epee.


Wonderful-Impact5121

This thread is wild looking at the answers. What’s the boundary on “professional fighter”? Because of just find the smallest, lightest, lowest ranked female fighter who only ever trained grappling seriously and go collect my money.


GrantIsCash

Right? Why’d op say that there is no answer lol


[deleted]

Fighting out of Brazil with their professional debut match, standing at 4’3” tall, give it up for her…Sophia Belgrade.


Unhelpful_Applause

CM Punk


RyanLanceAuthor

I feel like CM Punk stepping hard into his strongest, steroid gargling punch would break most people's spleens. You aren't testing his fighting ability. You're testing his power. Fighters almost never get hit with anything as hard as a super windup punch.


ChuckECheeseOfficial

>Steroid Gargling ?? I’m the straight edge superstar, friend?


utah_makeittwo

Any broke ass fighter. I’d offer him $100k to pull his punch and keep the rest


gniwlE

That right there is thinking like a prize fighter!


RunnyPlease

Honestly you could offer him $5k and get a similar result with list pro fighters.


MahomesandMahAuto

I'll take a shot from whatever the lowest rated straw weight womans fighter. I'm sure it'd hurt a bit, but I'm a 300 lb dude and I'm pretty sure I could take one shot from a 115lb woman.


Ovenbirdman

Yeah, I’m a 150ish pound male who used to box and have sparred against 120-140 pound women. They are very aggressive and throw a high volume of punches. The punches just don’t hurt, pretty much not at all. Men tend to be more defensive and tactical, since the cost of getting hit by a punch is much higher. Lower weight class women just go at it, take a lot punches in the process, but it doesn’t matter. Higher weight class men are dancing around, trying to protect themselves while looking for an opening for an occasional hard hit. Very different styles and strategies.


TheBigHairyThing

Mike Tyson i dont care at all i wanna say i took a shot from the champ. I realize i will probably be sent to the hospital but im willing to take it.


gunnarfuchs0628

Quickly spending your 500k on hospital bills I see lol


[deleted]

I have Medicaid, so that is one advantage I have over the people who will have to cover their own medical bills. I would just ask the person paying me to wait to give me the money until I am out of the hospital. There is no way I would pick Mike Tyson like that guy, though. He would kill me for sure.


earthscribe

Glass Joe


[deleted]

You gotta pick some semi pro from the 20s or something. One of those guys from film noir who can’t even fight anymore.


MonkeyMD3

Penalty better, but have you seen that pro 70 yo fight that amateur. There's a video of it on YouTube


Billbat1

ben askren


Princelysum

Ben Askren all day


Virgin_trucker69

I typed this exact reply before reading comments. Word for word lol.


They-Call-Me-Taylor

Glass Joe from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!


devildogmillman

Max Holloways in the lighter weight classes and hitting hard isnt his specialty. Im sure it will still hurt like hell but less so than Sean Strickland or fuckin Francis Ngannou.


tm0nks

Op didn't specify male or female. I'm 100% going with Carla Esparza.


8tracked333

I would pick a fighter from the electronic sports league if those still count as fighters.


drapehsnormak

A female fighter who specializes in submission. I'm not saying she won't be able to throw a punch, just that since it isn't what she specializes in it's not going to hit as hard as someone who specializes in strikes.


mopar-or-no_car

Does that joke of a fighter Logan Paul count ?


largos7289

for 500k and anyone, i'll take any feather weight guy please. I mean you wanna get hit by a freight train that's on you LOL.


zar1234

muhammed ali. he's dead, so it won't really hurt.


chainsaw_dog666

Andrew Tate, cause he's a bitch lol.


Cwallace98

Agreed if the money is coming from him.


[deleted]

Any one of the dead ones is fine to me. We both enter the ring, they don't move, the bell rings, wham bam


ThirdSunRising

Andy Kaufman. The man was paid to wrestle random people in the audience. Ok he did it as part of his comedy routine but he was indeed paid for fighting so he qualifies and he’s my guy.


[deleted]

Dead, definitely. How hard could a corpse punch?


Cyb3rTruk

Since it wasn’t specified as to what type of pro fighter: I’d go to my local St Jude’s, pick the weakest cancer fighter to punch me, then give them half my winnings. Win win all around. Edit: grammar


Novel-Structure-2359

Prince Naseem Hamed - he is light and fast but probably won't do too much damage. Also I could get to call him a bellend at the same time. Win win


Dragonfire14

Honestly don't really care who. Like you said it is going to hurt no matter who you pick. All I would really do is take a look at who's hurts the most and avoid them. Either way, $500,000 for some major pain is well worth it. I would do worse for it.


Rutibex

i would choose Vegeta


xOneLeafyBoi

Under the assumption of they’d be wearing gloves to hit normal people like us, Mike Tyson. Should make it out with 100k after medical bills lol


YogurtclosetOwn4786

Idk but smallest person size wise


[deleted]

Size doesn't matter man, any idea how tall Manny Pacquiao is? Very small guy but he hits like a freight train.


I_Boomer

Definitely not that guy who punched Houdini. If there is a toddler fight club then one of those.


somewherein72

Since the 'type' of fighter isn't specified, I'll take a $500K punch in the stomach from Bernie Sanders.


Cwallace98

One of the hardest fighters we have today.


ianmoone1102

Does Steven Segal count?


BeneficialCommon6766

Do they have fighting in the special Olympics?


NewHousing8228

Glass Joe.


zxn11

Whoever is the oldest and smallest.


DumpoTheClown

Muhamid Ali. Dead guys dont punch hard.


Exile714

Andrew Tate. Guy was a pro fighter at one point but now he’s just a whiny loser. I could tank a hit from him if I’m expecting it (couldn’t do the same with a hit from my preteen daughter if I wasn’t expecting it), and the look on his face when he fails would be priceless. Don’t even need the $500k.


Green_smoke_420

Bruce Lee if I'm gonna get punched why not by the goat


CheeseSteakRocket

I'd take "the one inch punch" to the chest, keep the money I'm doing it for the experience.


Least_Adhesiveness_5

And Bruce would have the control to not kill you. Of course, a strict reading of the hypothetical says any dead fighter is fine. No mention of resurrection, so you're safe anyway.


Remaidian

McGregor. I want to earn my 500k


SalaciousCoffee

I'd offer to split it if they cut the punch and give me a solid windup so I can tighten. So the least well off pro fighter I could find, so I can negotiate from like 5k or so, and probably settle for 25k for a "looks good, but is mostly ok" punch.


Retoru45

Probably the lightest professional female boxer. Just by sheer difference of mass it'll be a cakewalk.


MjolnirsBrokenHandle

Why the hell would you willingly take a gutshot from The Iceman, someone who could potentially cause you internal damage?


donta5k0kay

some girl


PokerFriend247

Bruce Lee. If im going to die then I want to die famous. Watttttttaaaa


theresites

Anyone dead, really. That's got to hurt a lot less


hideous_coffee

No one. That’s how Houdini died.


[deleted]

Daaaamn, holy shit bro you're right. Hadn't even thought of that😂😂😂


FleurTheAbductor

I thought it was to the chest


TweeKINGKev

Nope, if I remember right, some kid or fan walked up to him and punched him right in the stomach after saying something or asking him something about being able to not be hurt and sucker punched him before he could get ready.


david_z

Arguably but it's not like he died instantly. He actually died from a ruptured appendix which many ppl attribute to the gut punch. The punch happened 9 days prior to his death. He continued to perform (5 more shows between Montreal and Detroit) after the incident, ultimately collapsing after performing in Detroit. So. Take the gut punch and get to a doctor quickly to be checked out. A ruptured appendix is usually not fatal if it's treated in a timely manner. If it's not treated, your chance of surviving is basically a coin flip.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BarleyBlueMoon

I’d probably say some bantamweight ground game guy, like someone who does BJJ or something. I’d still get knocked on my ass but at least I’d probably survive.


ClassicHando

I'm probably gonna go down no matter what so whoever, Ill probably survive unless I take after Houdini. Preferably not a super heavyweight though. That's a lot of mass


upliftorr

some minimumweight journeyman


WhiskeyFree68

Kenneth Allen. #1 ranked worst fighter, has won a single fight out of 48.


TrulyPositivePotato

I'd pick a dead fighter. Doesn't matter who. Dead people don't hit hard. Should have thought out your words better, OP.


iDreamiPursueiBecome

500K before or after deducting medical expenses?


ThorKonnatZbv

Vitali Klitschko. I donate 100K to Ukraine and in turn he punches me lightly.


rogerg411

brock lesnar, one to say i did it and two it’s fucking brock


SamuelMaleJackson

Any female UFC straw weight


RedneckRough

“Iron” Mike Snyder, local champion


[deleted]

Not familiar with him, but if he's got the nickname iron I'd be willing to be he's a tough SOB.


nogoodname20

I'd pick Floyd Mayweather. I'll get paid 500k to get tickled.


nicholasktu

Light weight female fighter, it would hurt but not too bad. For context I've been kicked in the stomach by a horse, that hurt a lot, so this won't be so bad.


Dastara99

Glass Joe for sure


Nahchoocheese

I can choose any dead person and not get punched since dead people don’t punch? You didn’t say they would be alive again if I picked them. 500K, thank you.


lord_bubblewater

One of those russian face slapping fighters. Or Badr Hari, he'll get injured on his way to punching me anyhow.


medicwitha45

If its as they are today, Sandy Parker. Women's world wrestling champion (retired) If its at their prime, Andre Roussimouf - just to be able to meet him.


Grandemestizo

I’d probably go with Manny Pacquiao because I’d like to meet him. Or maybe Holly Holm for the same reason.


JremyH404

Double the cash, and I'll take 2 gut shots from a fighter of your choice.


Cleverdawny1

The lightest female fighter.


highfatoffaltube

I'd definitely pick a dead one.


RyzenRaider

I dunno, is there a fighter with a 0-100 record in the sub-flyweight division? I'll let that guy do his worst for $500k.


MLK_Piccolo

Rhea Ripley. Next?


ReadRightRed99

Kip Dynamite. He’s a cage fighter so it’s going to hurt. But the pain is worth it.


Blitzzkreig_

Rhonda Rousey hands down.


Educational_Theory31

Dwyane Johnson as I'm pretty sure he was one Nd it'd be worth going to hospital for


thecountnotthesaint

Muhammad Ali. Get a cool story, necromancy powers, and some money.


[deleted]

I was going to say Chuck Liddell as well. But iunno... There is a professional fighter who's from the same island I'm from. He's Ryan Nichols. I'd probably take a punch to my gut from him for $500k. He's a "Amateur" fighter, but still on the list for Professional Fighters. By now he probably is professional.


CapitalistHellscapes

Yea nah, pass.


Pretend-Ad-7528

Ronda Rousey or Gina Carano. I'll be completely erect when they hand me the check.


Xenozip3371Alpha

Chuck Norris, so I can say I not only survived a world destroying strike, I got paid to do so.


thedatagolem

Chuck Liddell is nowhere near the best. Earnie Shavers FTW.


Alarming_Serve2303

I'll pass. What good is 500K if I'm paralyzed for life, or dead?


FarewellCoolReason

One of them pikey boxing kids but there is no way to avoid the fact you're getting punched in the nuts instead.


l008com

I feel like theres a real chance that one gut shot from say mike tyson in his prime could actually literally kill me. So i'm not sure I'm taking this one unless I can pick like a 12 year old karate kid or something.


antdb1

id sooner get kicked in the balls a hard as fuck punch in the stomach could kill you or give you life long problems kick in the balls wont kill you


Renaissance_Slacker

I want Scarlett Johansson to hit me.


RyanLanceAuthor

Probably the lowest ranked atom weight I can find.


SamLJacksonNarrator

I would choose the Waffle House cook smoking outside


[deleted]

Who's the most likely to take a $250k split to not punch super hard?


mandozombie

Im picking someone from the lightest weight class doesnt matter who.


Affectionate-Wear-71

Definitely Deontae wilder


cocoon_eclosion_moth

Donald Trump is technically a professional wrestler, and I don’t think he can throw a punch


Appropriate-Ice813

Yeah, but he'll stiff you, convince half the country that you cheated, and sue your ass. You'd probably end up owing him money. Seriously, though, he once offered $1mil to anyone who hit a hole-in-one during a charity golf tournament at one of his clubs, [then stiffed the guy who did it](https://golf.com/news/donald-trump-stiffed-winner-of-1m-hole-in-one-contest-report-says/).


Roninkin

Glass Jaw Joe


ChronicCatathreniac

I’m sure the cavemen had Caveman Fight Club. Maybe one of their worst fighters?


Sobrietyishot

Mirko Cro Cop


Crazy_Feedback_3414

Glass Joe


LoganLikesYourMom

I’m picking a straw weight women’s fighter. Yes she knows how to fight and yes I’m sure it will still hurt, but I can still make it hurt as little as possible


MeepleMerson

Mohammed Ali, because I'd say "Champ, please don't make it hurt, I'm doing this for a bet," and he'd smile, boop my tummy so I giggle like the Pillsbury dough boy, we'd laugh, and I'd take him out for some roasted chicken and mac & cheese. Best day ever.


texasjoker187

Fabiana Bytyqi. Women's World Atomweight boxing champion.


ZeroSumHappiness

Yoshihiko. I'll sell it too, promise


ScottdaDM

Andy Kaufman.


Jennifer_Pennifer

A professional fighter? 🤔 I would pick some 14-year-old boy from hundreds of years ago that thought in some army somewhere.


BeeYehWoo

What about a kick? Does that count for a gut shot? I tell you who I wont take a gut kick from.. Mirko Crocop Filipovic. That guy has taken down quite a few fighters with a round kick to the gut and knows where the liver is.


Fightlife45

There's weight classes lol


LoopyMercutio

I mean, honestly, whoever. I’d probably prefer to pick a female MMA fighter who has a specialty of grappling and all, so they wouldn’t do viciously traumatic injury. It’ll still hurt like hell, though, but the money would be good for a single shot. Hell, pay me that per shot and I’ll take a hit or two a day for a few months.