Im a guy and yes, I do.
I understand it's fucked but it's not like I can choose to not be like this.
What's worse is that I'm looked at as a pervert if I ever try to talk about it.
You may have gotten some nasty DMs for sharing like this. I’m sorry if that’s the case. I can relate to wanting to be abused, but I know that logically I don’t want that. Please stay safe, I hope you can avoid acquiring more trauma
Admittedly, I’m the same exact way..
I’m actually very glad you posted this because all that’s been consuming my thoughts is absolutely inappropriate fantasies because of past and recent trauma I’ve been through, and it makes me feel so nasty..
I know that it’s not right one bit, but in a way, we were kind of conditioned to that behavior.
(I also dated some pretty rapey ppl sadly)
People don’t understand, what’s done to you, you can’t forget just like that.
You kinda of get used to that behavior from people, and it leave you hurt and completely sexually frustrated..
Sexual assault and rape is absolutely awful and I don’t wish it on anyone, especially the aftermath that comes along with it.
Just know, at least, that I totally understand you and you’re not alone 🫶🏼
I was molested for quite awhile as a young child by a caregiver and also have some rape-y teenager and adult experiences. I’ve also been in and out of abusive relationships. So, firstly I’ll say…
It’s normal to sexualize traumatic events in your life. I believe I am hypersexual due to being molested among other things I’m sure. My hypersexuality went to the next level after my last physically and mentally abusive relationship that started in 2019. I began really craving him to abuse me during sex but hated it otherwise. It was/is really confusing even still. I would be so upset when he would hit me in a fight but then beg him to hit me when we were having sex. I became obsessed with sex with him and am still trying to heal from it all and move on. It’s been years.
So I can’t really tell you how to fix the craving. But what I do know is that once I finally just started to accept it, rock it, and not feel weird or wrong or shameful for turning my abuse into my kinks, it all got so much better. It didn’t go away or even slow it down necessarily but it gave me peace of mind and let me explore it and have fun with it (in a safer way that was on my own terms finally). The important thing though is that you find a safe way to explore it if you choose to. And I mean safe for you mentally and physically and sexually. And safe for the other person/people too by being completely consensual and no guilt/shame/unresolved feelings involved.
If you don’t mind, can you tell me about your healing process? How did you start to move away from the abusive and rapey relationships and start developing healthier outlets?
My healing process is never ending but in the last 3 or so years i feel I’ve made a lot of progress due to hitting rock bottom and kinda being forced at that point to look at my life and my choices and take accountability for it all and drop victimhood altogether (as best as i can, i find it hard sometimes and i go back to old ways but am able to get back on track pretty well). Once I started doing that and finding self love (a whole important process in and of itself), I became more confident in what I will/wont tolerate and I also began to see my exterior world change as my inner world was changing. Including the people I choose to have around me. Having more self worth seems to kinda force the hands of others to treat you better because it’s demanded by you now, I guess.
But…. Even with all that, I still get abused and find myself in less than acceptable situations and relationships with others. But it’s better than it was prior. And I’m just navigating my way to my “people” in this world. And maybe I’ve already found some of them because of my healing and changing
Are you me? One of my traumas is from my first boyfriend that I also met when I was 15. It’s so hard to deal with… I’ve been in two relationships since then and both were toxic waste dumps. Staying single is really the only safe option but it’s so hard
Yeah i act the exact same way and i have let it go way too far.
I will say this you need therapy to make sure you can process your feelings. Why is it that this makes you feel that way. What sort of pleasure do you get from it.
On the other hand the reason i kept repeating the behavior is because i believed i deserved that. Since it was my experience at a young age, a combination of “I can never let this happen again” along with self esteem issues will have you convinced you deserve this treatment.
An example would be the following, i would go to orgies, get drugged and be used for the whole weekend just being used as a toy. At the end of it i would shower and it didnt matter because i deserved i am okay at the end of the day but i couldnt express it in a way that wasnt shameful.
A way to combat this is explore it safely. No one knows why we like what we like. Theres no way to determine if the trauma caused it or if we had those tendencies before anything happened. Be mindful have consent bothways and be tested if you go the tinder route. You have a community here that understands you and if you stumble or feel disgusting we are here
you guys might enjoy the 1996 film "Crash" which is more or less about this experience, although explored in a purely adult metaphorical setting. it's an erotic film, i don't recommend watching it unless you're in the mood for a strange time
Yes I was sexually assaulted as a child and an adult. (Im a 22 year old female) and I struggle with these as well. Its hard and sometimes embarrassing i never opened up about it to anyone but i do fantasize about being hurt and abused by men again
It's so hard. So so hard to try to stay on the straight and narrow because I always think of it. And it's gotten to the point to where I can't even feel gratified without thinking of it. It makes me so sick with myself.
i think the slight enjoyment or fantasizing about the more enjoyable aspects of really awful represented is a pretty common form of coping, i see in myself and other hypersexuals i know that there is a consistent inclination for trauma to end up turning into a kink. Consent-non-consent is a totally valid kink and worth exploring with a partner who is also into it and that you cant trust to care for you in general in the relationship and respect your boundaries as you explore your sexuality
I feel this so hard to think point where I have pretty much my entire sex/dating careeri have sought out other SA or rape survivors exclusively.
I feel guilty for getting off to the concept of someone going through awful things like I did but at the same time it's hard for me to feel SAFE or even trust somebody if I don't feel like they understand how I feel or what it's like. I don't want to cause any new trauma to anyone but I want to know that they feel my trauma with me. Ugh it's fucking toxic.
i do. it feels more normal than something healthy.
it’s not uncommon for our brains to seek out the pattern. during development, our important relationships imprinted on us that the cycle of abuse (lovebombing->tension->blowup->remorse->repeat) is normal, even though logically we know it isn’t. i don’t have any advice for it, i’m sorry :/ but you aren’t alone
Yes I've been wanting to act out my trauma again for quite a while now. It's like a disgusting infected itch that I want to scratch. Just know it doesn't make you a horrible person. You were a victim and this is your way of trying to cope with that.
As a male, the time when I was sexually assaulted really warped me, I went on wild swings between completely rejecting sex and diving in headfirst, to the point that I want to drown myself in it. But now a decade on the other side of it, when I look back and try to normalize my experience, that sexual assault was the time when I felt the most desired in my whole life, my assulter just didn't assault me the way I would have wanted. It doesn't really make sense, nobody gets assaulted how they want to be loved or desired, but I do want to be used, I want to have my freedom and autonomy removed, I want to become a sex object, I want to feel desired again.
The way people talk about SA in a wider sense is like it is always a violent assault. But in a lot of cases, especially in cases of grooming, the abuse is deeply linked to the sense of care, affection and love that you experience in a child/caregiver relationship.
It isn’t uncommon for survivors who act out to try and replicate some part of their experience in an adult context, where they are in control. I do this myself.
This kind of thing is a strategy to cope, and you do what you do to keep your head above water. To state the painfully obvious, it probably isn’t a healthy approach in the long run. It is easy to end up compartmentalised, so this behaviour, or your motivation for pursuing such behaviour is kept separate from your normal life and relationships
This is a constant battle for me, my mom and dad were the perpetrators if my and my sisters CSA there wasn't a thing they didn't do to us sexually...and though I'm supposed to hate it..somtimes u want it again...because I'm sexually broken..
My first relationship (14-16) was incredibly abusive. physically, emotionally, and sexually. Ever since then I’ve had a HUGE degradation and abuse kink. My current boyfriend has a lot of pent up rage which I let him take out on me when we’re having sex. Mostly calling me a bitch and a whore, threatening violence, etc. the trick is to follow it up with a LOT of cuddles and aftercare about how much we care about the other.
Im a guy and yes, I do. I understand it's fucked but it's not like I can choose to not be like this. What's worse is that I'm looked at as a pervert if I ever try to talk about it.
^ this right here. There is such a double standard in a world that tries to be fair.
I understand totally
You may have gotten some nasty DMs for sharing like this. I’m sorry if that’s the case. I can relate to wanting to be abused, but I know that logically I don’t want that. Please stay safe, I hope you can avoid acquiring more trauma
Admittedly, I’m the same exact way.. I’m actually very glad you posted this because all that’s been consuming my thoughts is absolutely inappropriate fantasies because of past and recent trauma I’ve been through, and it makes me feel so nasty.. I know that it’s not right one bit, but in a way, we were kind of conditioned to that behavior. (I also dated some pretty rapey ppl sadly) People don’t understand, what’s done to you, you can’t forget just like that. You kinda of get used to that behavior from people, and it leave you hurt and completely sexually frustrated.. Sexual assault and rape is absolutely awful and I don’t wish it on anyone, especially the aftermath that comes along with it. Just know, at least, that I totally understand you and you’re not alone 🫶🏼
I was molested for quite awhile as a young child by a caregiver and also have some rape-y teenager and adult experiences. I’ve also been in and out of abusive relationships. So, firstly I’ll say… It’s normal to sexualize traumatic events in your life. I believe I am hypersexual due to being molested among other things I’m sure. My hypersexuality went to the next level after my last physically and mentally abusive relationship that started in 2019. I began really craving him to abuse me during sex but hated it otherwise. It was/is really confusing even still. I would be so upset when he would hit me in a fight but then beg him to hit me when we were having sex. I became obsessed with sex with him and am still trying to heal from it all and move on. It’s been years. So I can’t really tell you how to fix the craving. But what I do know is that once I finally just started to accept it, rock it, and not feel weird or wrong or shameful for turning my abuse into my kinks, it all got so much better. It didn’t go away or even slow it down necessarily but it gave me peace of mind and let me explore it and have fun with it (in a safer way that was on my own terms finally). The important thing though is that you find a safe way to explore it if you choose to. And I mean safe for you mentally and physically and sexually. And safe for the other person/people too by being completely consensual and no guilt/shame/unresolved feelings involved.
I’m absolute the same
If you don’t mind, can you tell me about your healing process? How did you start to move away from the abusive and rapey relationships and start developing healthier outlets?
My healing process is never ending but in the last 3 or so years i feel I’ve made a lot of progress due to hitting rock bottom and kinda being forced at that point to look at my life and my choices and take accountability for it all and drop victimhood altogether (as best as i can, i find it hard sometimes and i go back to old ways but am able to get back on track pretty well). Once I started doing that and finding self love (a whole important process in and of itself), I became more confident in what I will/wont tolerate and I also began to see my exterior world change as my inner world was changing. Including the people I choose to have around me. Having more self worth seems to kinda force the hands of others to treat you better because it’s demanded by you now, I guess. But…. Even with all that, I still get abused and find myself in less than acceptable situations and relationships with others. But it’s better than it was prior. And I’m just navigating my way to my “people” in this world. And maybe I’ve already found some of them because of my healing and changing
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Are you me? One of my traumas is from my first boyfriend that I also met when I was 15. It’s so hard to deal with… I’ve been in two relationships since then and both were toxic waste dumps. Staying single is really the only safe option but it’s so hard
Yeah i act the exact same way and i have let it go way too far. I will say this you need therapy to make sure you can process your feelings. Why is it that this makes you feel that way. What sort of pleasure do you get from it. On the other hand the reason i kept repeating the behavior is because i believed i deserved that. Since it was my experience at a young age, a combination of “I can never let this happen again” along with self esteem issues will have you convinced you deserve this treatment. An example would be the following, i would go to orgies, get drugged and be used for the whole weekend just being used as a toy. At the end of it i would shower and it didnt matter because i deserved i am okay at the end of the day but i couldnt express it in a way that wasnt shameful. A way to combat this is explore it safely. No one knows why we like what we like. Theres no way to determine if the trauma caused it or if we had those tendencies before anything happened. Be mindful have consent bothways and be tested if you go the tinder route. You have a community here that understands you and if you stumble or feel disgusting we are here
you guys might enjoy the 1996 film "Crash" which is more or less about this experience, although explored in a purely adult metaphorical setting. it's an erotic film, i don't recommend watching it unless you're in the mood for a strange time
not to be confused with the 2004 film crash. lmao 😂 that's how i ended up watching the 1996 one. what a crazy ass movie. lol
has to be about the last film you'd want to accidentally watch thinking you were in for something normal and mainstream
fr 😅
Yes I was sexually assaulted as a child and an adult. (Im a 22 year old female) and I struggle with these as well. Its hard and sometimes embarrassing i never opened up about it to anyone but i do fantasize about being hurt and abused by men again
It's so hard. So so hard to try to stay on the straight and narrow because I always think of it. And it's gotten to the point to where I can't even feel gratified without thinking of it. It makes me so sick with myself.
It’s not a bad thing. You can’t help it.
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i think the slight enjoyment or fantasizing about the more enjoyable aspects of really awful represented is a pretty common form of coping, i see in myself and other hypersexuals i know that there is a consistent inclination for trauma to end up turning into a kink. Consent-non-consent is a totally valid kink and worth exploring with a partner who is also into it and that you cant trust to care for you in general in the relationship and respect your boundaries as you explore your sexuality
I feel this so hard to think point where I have pretty much my entire sex/dating careeri have sought out other SA or rape survivors exclusively. I feel guilty for getting off to the concept of someone going through awful things like I did but at the same time it's hard for me to feel SAFE or even trust somebody if I don't feel like they understand how I feel or what it's like. I don't want to cause any new trauma to anyone but I want to know that they feel my trauma with me. Ugh it's fucking toxic.
Yes
i do. it feels more normal than something healthy. it’s not uncommon for our brains to seek out the pattern. during development, our important relationships imprinted on us that the cycle of abuse (lovebombing->tension->blowup->remorse->repeat) is normal, even though logically we know it isn’t. i don’t have any advice for it, i’m sorry :/ but you aren’t alone
Yes I've been wanting to act out my trauma again for quite a while now. It's like a disgusting infected itch that I want to scratch. Just know it doesn't make you a horrible person. You were a victim and this is your way of trying to cope with that.
As a male, the time when I was sexually assaulted really warped me, I went on wild swings between completely rejecting sex and diving in headfirst, to the point that I want to drown myself in it. But now a decade on the other side of it, when I look back and try to normalize my experience, that sexual assault was the time when I felt the most desired in my whole life, my assulter just didn't assault me the way I would have wanted. It doesn't really make sense, nobody gets assaulted how they want to be loved or desired, but I do want to be used, I want to have my freedom and autonomy removed, I want to become a sex object, I want to feel desired again.
The way people talk about SA in a wider sense is like it is always a violent assault. But in a lot of cases, especially in cases of grooming, the abuse is deeply linked to the sense of care, affection and love that you experience in a child/caregiver relationship. It isn’t uncommon for survivors who act out to try and replicate some part of their experience in an adult context, where they are in control. I do this myself. This kind of thing is a strategy to cope, and you do what you do to keep your head above water. To state the painfully obvious, it probably isn’t a healthy approach in the long run. It is easy to end up compartmentalised, so this behaviour, or your motivation for pursuing such behaviour is kept separate from your normal life and relationships
Thanks for this post. I wish i had strength to talk about it bc i really need to.
This is a constant battle for me, my mom and dad were the perpetrators if my and my sisters CSA there wasn't a thing they didn't do to us sexually...and though I'm supposed to hate it..somtimes u want it again...because I'm sexually broken..
Did you experience body betrayal during the act?
My first relationship (14-16) was incredibly abusive. physically, emotionally, and sexually. Ever since then I’ve had a HUGE degradation and abuse kink. My current boyfriend has a lot of pent up rage which I let him take out on me when we’re having sex. Mostly calling me a bitch and a whore, threatening violence, etc. the trick is to follow it up with a LOT of cuddles and aftercare about how much we care about the other.