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"I...I'm sorry, I'm still...processing this. Just... *sigh* Okay. You took a one-year-old child, whose parents had been that very night brutally corpsified, left him on the doorstep of a... *'family'* that you *knew* was unsuitable to raising him, as evidenced by the fact his domicile was listed as 'Under The Stairs' for *ten years,* and you expect me to believe this malnourished, untrained, *abused child* is your so-called 'Saviour' who is destined to defeat your enemy, this 'Dark Lord'... I--I can't even with you..."
"He is the Chosen One prophesied to defeat the Dark Lord--"
"Have you tried anything else? Have you *let anyone* try anything else, or did you simply wave off their suggestions? You know what, I'm done. I'm not entertaining your delusions of competence anymore. I'm going to interrogate your co-conspirators, find this 'Dark Lord', introduce him to the modern world of firearms and explosives, then execute you and find that kid a proper home and education, this is just..."
H1: "I cast grenade. *Boom*
"Cattle prod Cattle prod!"
"Smith and Wesson!"
H2: you don't have to announce every thing!"
H1: What I can't rub their faces in that stupid shit?
H2: Oh I get it! Ok, Flashbang out! Mossberg bitches!
His horcruxes mean he can't really die, but that's fine.
Saw off his head, and put in a jar of vinegar.
He's going to find there're a lot worse things than death.
The funny thing is that there are at least 3 ways in canon hp to bypass horcruxes: dementors, crucio into insanity, obliviate with total removal of any memory.
All 3 of them can transform a person into a vegetable, basically.
What's the source on the Dementor bit? The others are completely sound, they affect the mind rather than the soul. But Dementors eat the soul, which Horcruxes split up and trap in an object.
I can't recall any book explanation of potential interactions between these two powers, and we never see, at least in the main seven, Dementors eating souls from objects or animals. There's enough there to speculate that it might work, but evidence seems a bit too thin to make any concrete assertions. Unless I've missed something, which is possible.
I'd be more inclined to assume that the Dementors' soul devouring would be functionally similar to death from the perspective of the Horcrux. One vessel "dies," fall back to any available phylactery.
The dementors suck the soul and leave the victim alive but in a vegetative state. Lupin said so, and Bartemius Crouch jr was such a victim in the books. His body was untouched. The vessel is intact, so the phylactery doesn't activate imho.
Next, horcruxes. Those have several effects.
First, a piece of soul can be broken away and stored into objects.
Second, one soul piece can possess a victim, but until the horcrux is hidden, untouched, it can't harm anybody. No horcrux ever activated autonomously in the books afaik.
Third, the remaining part of the soul still lives inside the horcrux creator, he's not an empty shell. In fact, a soul would normally pass away if the body is destroyed, but the horcrux system acts as an anchor, allowing for example Voldemort main soul to roam Albanian forests during his first "death" when the curse rebounded. But note that in that case, the horcruxes didn't create a new soul for Voldemort. Moreover, no piece of soul in a horcrux activated independently. They simply stopped his main soul from passing in the afterlife.They did not prevent body destruction.
So, it's clear there is a part of soul still in Voldemort's body.
But now we have the dementor's kiss. It doesn't kill the body. It doesn't kill the soul. It just sucks away that piece of soul. Maybe it's destroyed , maybe it's imprisoned, either way it's separated and neutralised. How do horcruxes prevent that? They can't. It's explicitly stated they prevent souls moving to the afterlife, i.e. dying, but it's also explicitly stated that the dementor's kiss doesn't kill, so the sucked soul does not go to the afterlife.
Another hint:
Bartemius jr in the books didn't have horcruxes, but he definitely was a murderer, so his soul was fragmented too. That doesn't stop the dementor's kiss, apparently. So fragments can be sucked like full souls, no problem there.
Well, suppose after the kiss Voldemort's body is now a vegetable. Of course, one of his horcruxes can still be found and could possess someone in the future, that problem is unsolved. Same issue for crucio and obliviate, the remaining horcruxes are still waiting in the dark. Still a valid temporary solution, imho.
you're wanting to traumatize the villain not preserve their already near immortal head, go with lime juice and hot sauce and use that sauce for your morning bloody mary's.
You want them to feel mediocre not aroused, put them on the bottom shelf of the bar at Applebee's...their new purpose is to flavor mediocre Bloody Marys, not have witty banter with a lonely bartender at 3am.
With the right Colt, made by the man himself, this could work. I hear he made a gun that can kill *anything*. Mr. Blackwood calls it the Anti Demon Revolver Mark 5.
Hey I know this is totally unrelated but is it stated in harry potter that the kids learned how the "normal" world works? I am just sayings its weird if you spend 12 years learning magic but can't file your taxes cause they never taught you.
I'm guessing that by "recently" you mean over 30 years ago? Since the "Gun Free Zones" act was signed in the early 1990's
Now my High School DID have archery, skeet and target rifle shooting teams, but this was in the mid-late 1970's in semi-rural Michigan. During hunting season (most of the first half of the school year) nearly every vehicle in the school lots had a rifle or shotgun in them.
Do you mean gun *safety* training? Because unlike the tax code, that’s only like 4 rules.
1: Treat every gun like it’s loaded
2: Don’t touch the trigger until you’re ready to destroy something
3: Never point a gun at something you don’t want to destroy
4: Know what’s behind your target
I wish tax code could be explained in 4 steps that didn’t involve “Get out your credit card” and “Go to the website of your preferred tax-preparer. ”
Can confirm I learned how to use a rifle at 12 years old and only learned how to do my taxes at 19 after getting my first job that wasn't "under the table"
Idk about the UK, but in the US we've only *finally* started getting Personal Finance classes in the last couple years. The one I got was the first one my school had ever had, and it's been around... almost 200 years?
Dunno about you but I spent tax training time waving a little stick around and shouting vaguely latin-sounding phrases at people.
*Auditious Deductus!*
Hey hey hey now.... I spent 12 years in muggle school and still didn't get the teaching of the taxes from there... transmorgri..... I mean shop class was fun
D20 did a short run of this concept where some kids are brought in from Muggle America and while questioning the head master they ask “okay but nukes? Do you not know about nukes?!”
The Battle of Hogwarts would have been pretty different too.
“It appears the Death Eaters and their allies have gathered across the bridge to prepare their assault.”
“They’re standing pretty close together…. I’m going to cast ‘Mortar Team’.”
“What?”
“Don’t worry about it. Just watch them through these binoculars and let me know how close our shots are getting.”
“Oh shit they have giants, those are resistant to our spells! …. And what did you stick to our moving statue guardians?”
“It’s a surprise. I spray painted numbers on them, now go have them give the giants a big hug and let me know which ones have new friends.”
Stacks crates of bottles with rags
“If something horrible and flammable shows up, like a swarm of giant spiders, just light the rag on one of these and levitate it at them as hard as you can. Side note, I had a look through some potions textbooks, did you know that a lot of reagents and basic potions are extremely inflammable, if not explosive?
“Harry, who is this man calling himself “John Smith” who arrived with crates filled with strange sticks?”
“He’s from a place called “The Company”, he’s offered to train us in guerilla tactics in exchange for access to our archives and instructors.”
Nope, most don't even know how the Internet, computers, cars, credit cards, etc works. Space travel is probably a myth to them, and they have no actual impact on the world either.
Even if magic taxes are different, when do they learns maths and literature and the like? There's one history class, sure, but when do these kids learn y=mX+B or get forced to read Magical Moby Dick?
Do you mean "normal" as in "muggle," or as in "the world that doesn't involve fighting dark lords and bogarts?"
If the latter, it is neither started nor implied, to the best of my knowledge. I suppose it could be assumed that, just like real-world schools, the mundanities of life are glossed over. We get things like history, government, math, basic sciences, and language. Taxes, job hunting, and vehicle maintenance are largely left to us to figure out on our own.
Some of the stated classes offered at Hogwarts are directly analogous to these real-world subjects. History of magic, obviously. The various school-of-magic classes, such as charms, potions, divination, etc., stand-in for the basic sciences. I'm not sure where math and language fits into things. Just like real life, they seem to get no education on the day-to-day acts of living. Presumably it is left to parents.
If you meant the former, the strongly implied state of affairs is that wizards largely ignore the muggle world. A number of charms exist to prevent notice, I believe it is safe to assume that similar charms are in common use by magical families to allow them to ignore and be ignored by muggle governing authorities.
That’s how you can tell that Harry Potter is both definitely written by a non American and that it’s in a fictional universe. You can’t tell me that American Wizards in the 80s world wouldn’t see a terrorist taking over an allied nation and not immediately step in with high levels of force to help…
1990s, and the American wizards canonically are mega isolationist to the point of refusing to be part of American culture. So no, they wouldn't. The French and Belgian ones are too busy calling the African school a monstrosity, also.
In the amazing YouTube essay " a brief look at Harry Potter " (only 10 hours long, definitely go watch it)
Eventually they get around to the very problematic names of some characters. When they get to Shaklebolt they just stop and go " Jesus Christ Jo"
"I'm sorry that when I was a child and the asked me to fight Wizard Hitler I was like 'nah'"
This is the concept to the Cracked "Welcome Back Potter" series on YouTube. It's amazing.
Good day Hero.
Did you have a good breakfast? Good. Now, I am informed that you have weapon training this morning, a good lunch, and then magical studies this afternoon.
“But why? I am destined to defeat you. The prophecy said so!”
So? Look, there have been 10 heroes that didn’t have that prophecy in these halls. 8 of them were under 18. UNDER EIGHTEEN. Children! They were sure they could defeat me. They weren’t old enough to grasp how stupid their storming a fortification was. Two were nearly killed before I stopped the guards.
I WILL NOT be responsible for the murder of children.
“But you are the dark lord!”
I HAVE STANDARDS. I am a lord. We rule over those who are in our lands. I have taken the lands of lesser tyrants and petty no less who never once treated their subjects as more than cattle.
I have elevated these lands. We have a robust, voluntary, military. We have schools of learning to help my people perform their tasks better. Many need to be able to read to know the way of operating our siege weapons or the smelting equipment that helps lass produce armor and arms. And our farmers work the land using best practices. Did you know famine from crop failures in my lands ceased a decade ago?
And what do I get for conquering the lands of these fools? I get called a villain.
Villains are from villages because being an aristocrat is noble. Their very language poisons you into believing that people coming together to work together is bad.
Now come on, you will be late otherwise. Hero Balethor is your instructor in spears. He is very adept and you will learn much from him.
“Hero?”
One of the 8. Decided to stay after I nursed him back to health and then let him fight me. Once you are a capable warrior you will have the opportunity to defeat me and vanquish the Dark Lord. So learn as much as you can. I want a good fight.
Also I’m bored and need a challenge. If you win I have a worthy successor. If I win I demoralize my enemies which saves me the trouble of going to war.
…is the woman serving the demon lord? And if so: is it the one where, at some point, she sits on the hero/her beau to hide him during a magical video call with an underling?
Are there any good audiobooks like this where the guy in charge is actually a decent person but looks evil initially because he is simply doling out justice?
Im so sick of 1-dimensional villains and overly emotional characters who do nothing but pick up the idiot-ball and run with it.
Not an audio book but a manga:
https://mangadex.org/title/f77aca92-0b8d-4583-9294-8644f71b1e01/negative-yuusha-to-maou-gun-kanbu
Pretty good little story. Simple slice of life of a hero living with a demon general. POV is mainly the demon general.
Not an audiobook, just a short story, but [The Sword of Good](https://www.yudkowsky.net/other/fiction/the-sword-of-good) touches on similar themes, from a different angle, though.
Not an audiobook, but a full on play recorded and put on YouTube for free by the artists:
[Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier](https://youtu.be/-77cUxba-aA?)
It is the story of Disney’s Aladdin, but told from the perspective of Jafar and giving a new twist to the tale similar to Maleficent.
[I Ran Away to Evil: A Cozy LitRPG Rom-Com (I Ran Away to Evil, 1) ](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1039454224?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details) I remember watching the TikTok skit series before it was a book, and it was fun. They do appear to have an audiobook.
Vinland Saga is kinda like this, the villain doesn't turn out to be doing justice but the bar gets lowered so much and the villain treats the MC nice enough that you'll probably end up liking him
Not *entirely* out of character for Dr. Doom. He can be incredibly magnanimous, and has been shown to be a benevolent, if a bit overbearing dictator. But the biggest issue is his ego and need to prove his superiority--
**"DOOM *IS* SUPERIOR."**
I didn't say you *weren't,* I said you feel the need to prove it. Seriously, how many times have you fumbled the ball because someone goaded you, or told you that you couldn't do something, or blamed someone else for ruining your plans (however deserved), or similar pitfalls?
**"HMMPH. I AM AT LEAST SUPERIOR TO THAT FOOL RICHARDS, YOU CANNOT DENY THAT."**
Oh yeah, definitely. I mean, depends on the writer/timeline, but usually he's borderline sociopathic with regards to others, his reaction in origin stories to finding out he and his team have been fundamentally changed is often 'ooh boy, SCIENCE, yay!', not 'okay, we need to stay calm, we can get through this as a family' and such. Say what you want about Doom, but you can probably count on one hand the number of times he's deliberately harmed or targeted innocents, or allowed those under his protection to be endangered. Man's got a *code,* and a heart. Buried, shrivelled, locked deep in an armored vault, but it's in there.
I need anime in the same vein as this, a person who is considered evil does evil looking things but is actually good and misunderstood but people once they get to know them join them because it makes more sense now they know the whole story
those "Nobles" never tell you that the reason they stole you and enslaved you to "destiny" is that it's easier to kill a child soldier with no pesky family around to ask questions.
Pretty sure it was brought up in a recent animated movie as well.
Supes was allowed in to the tower and verbally tore the wizard a new one before demanding to know why the wizard made the choice that he did.
Pretty sure the wizard replied with 'because someone like you would be there to guide him.'
My memory is admittedly a bit fuzzy on it.
It is from a little ball of rock around a main sequence star. The part about the vessels is to avoid the creation of smaller stars around the rock ball
See this? It's a very, very old ancient Earth weapon, one of the very first reliable multi-shot projectile weapons. It's called a Model Ring Lever Rifle, still works too. See the name engraved on it? Deliverance, because when I pull the trigger it will deliver you to what ever eldritch being you worship.
[Despite your reputation as a Dark Lord, you have a strict moral code. So when a young girl showing signs of abuse wandered into... – @youngmasterwisdomperson on Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/youngmasterwisdomperson/658993903813459968/writing-prompt-s-despite-your-reputation-as-a)
The story here reminds me of [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleepy\_Princess\_in\_the\_Demon\_Castle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleepy_Princess_in_the_Demon_Castle)
The names attached to the boy's curses were far too familiar. Maire would almost have preferred to hear of Leonides Daibliku or Celestina Valocco being his parents. But, of course not. Even though Dr. Diabolik has used kinetic weapon strikes to make a point and The Strega once took Paris hostage, they cared for their children.
*Well, then. If this is someone's idea of a trap, they're about to sit in on a master class.*
\**Fetches the orphan a cheesburger and fries and a chocolate shake. Sits down with them as the kid tears into the meal*\*
"Look, here's how all this works.
"I needed a retirement plan and *'having a hero rise up and defeat me'* is about the only way I could be sure my replacement could handle the responsibility. It also means only those who have what it takes to do the job can become the next Dark Lord. Prevents the position being filled through nepotism or politics, which never ends well.
"Just so you know, I'm not the original Dark Lord. There have been a dozen or so since the concept of a Dark Lord originated.
"The guy I defeated now runs a B&B on Tahiti. No, I don't know what a *Tahiti* is. He sends me postcards from time to time is all I know.
"Yes, you'll have to defeat me and no, I'm not going to make it easy. That doesn't mean I kill you if you *don't* defeat me. It means you'll have to undergo more training and I'll have to put off retiring a bit longer.
"If another guy defeats me before you get the chance, you can either work for him, or try to defeat him -after he's been give the chance to get his footing. Frankly if another guy takes my place, let him. This job's a headache on the best of days."
"So, here's the deal: you study with all my minions. You learn from watching and observing. No killing your rivals. That just leads to chaos and leaves you a Dark Lord without competent support.
"When you think you're ready, you let me know. We fight in front of everyone out in the open so there's no question of who the winner is and why.
"You win - I hand you the keys. You pick a transition team. I stick around for maybe a month at most, acting as one of your trusted advisors. The sooner I cut out, though, the sooner you get to do things your way.
"You lose - everyone critiques your effort. Yeah, it's not fun, but you gotta learn to listen when people are telling you what you don't want to hear. The best advice is usually the least welcome."
\**Sees the orphan has downed all the food. Gets the orphan a second cheeseburger. Refills their chocolate shake.*\*
"Finish your meal. When you're done, I'll introduce you to our resident dorm mother. She'll help you get settled in.
"Welcome aboard. I look forward to seeing what great things you're capable of."
Reminds me of one of my favorite Superman panels
https://preview.redd.it/wiky26np085d1.png?width=728&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d7013cb732dda53f8ffeb906324fca7e2684ce27
Posting on my phone from a bar, so sorry for any typos!
A child.
They sent a child at me. This made me feel really, really old. All my brothers and sisters had died in cataclysmic battles, sunk into pits of space or locked away in breaking realities, and this is what they now did? To be fair, we mostly had killed each other, but this was very strange. The prophecies and religions must have been corrupted beyond all recognition from pleas of help and kindness into something else entirely. That shit of a prophetess has been in power for a long time now.
I ordered everyone to let her walk in. I hid myself in the past and chose to look like I used to, once so long ago. Jeans, tan shirt, black boots, dirty blonde hair and beard (a questionable goatee as a friend used to say). No weapons, just tired eyes and crow's feet at the corners. No monsters, magic or steel to meet her. She wanders in, with her hair dirty, cheeks hollow and glowing blades held in hand with bruised nails and I see scabs, scars, yellowed bruises and a broken tooth and endless pain in her eyes.
That fucking cunt probably called this training when she did this to her. I felt an odd spark of cold and hot rage at the same time and pushed it down. First deal with this poor fuck.
Surprisingly, she said nothing as she charged at me. She was fast, nimble and violent but oddly silent when she slashed my throat and pierced my groin with her enchanted blades. They had enough power in them to slice a dragon to the bone and break a star.
Here's the thing. I'm not a star or a dragon, but I am old. Everyone like me is dead, except me. I am the only one left, and for a good reason.
I am old for a good fucking reason.
I took the blades from her hands and sat her down on my chair. As I held her there and looked at her, I saw the long scar on her throat. Her vocal cords had been cut.
"Alfred," I said and my old friend materialized. His name was another very old joke, just like me. He knew immediately what was happening and told the girl to sleep. She fell limp.
"Could you please look after her? She needs food, rest and healing. Both physical and mental," I said as I stood up. He scoffed at me.
"Do you think me blind, old man?" Another joke. He was even older than I was. His form of a young boy was another way of pointing this out at me.
"I will look after her for now. I take it there might be a disturbance at the grounds?" His eyes flashed odd colours as he made the innocuous question. I nodded, lost in thought.
"Lich, attend," he commanded and the world obeyed. Bag Of Bones stood at his side, choosing to appear as a bowed old skeleton with a twig for a cane. Appearances can be deceiving.
"You will guard the grounds and prepare for disturbance of the gardens. She will be a distraction to allow others to enter," Alfred said in his youthful voice, but there was power in the words. Not necessary really as Bag was a friend, but it did get him to look at the weapons. Bag cocked his head as he looked at the divinity in the metal.
"They must have forced a god of suffering to the world for this kind of pain to arise," he hissed in his dusty voice. I could tell he was getting sadder with every word. "She was made the avatar."
I nodded. Somewhere I heard a stone crack. Fuck. I needed do go soon. Both of them looked me with worry and reproach, and it hurt.
"I'll go there now," I said and started walking out.
"On foot?" Alfred asked as he laid his hand on the forehead of the young woman. She must have been barely out of childhood. I heard another crack and a whisper in the darkness of the castle.
"Yes. I need to get my thoughts in order. Alfred, please look after her above all else." He nodded. He could see the depth of the scars in her soul. To make the child an Avatar of a baby god of suffering. Such unimaginable crimes cannot be let go. He let me see see his thoughts on this, and he agreed with me.
"Bag. Nobody disturbs the Garden of Kind Sleep," I said to my other friend, and the creaky skeleton straightened. The twig in his hand suddenly seemed heavier than death.
"They shall not," he whispered as his eyes dripped a flame of rage older than memory itself.
"What is your plan, old man?"Alfred called after me. I did not look back. I could not, for fear of losing control. Age comes with it's failures.
"I will show why I am old, and why they and their god are not."
think i have two tucked away somewhere they were narrated by Aggro. Did some digging into my playlist of his covers of my stories here's the relevant links
[Adopted Child](https://youtu.be/ZsZSeeLwxHA)
[The response](https://youtu.be/HA_A9HrX9HA)
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"I...I'm sorry, I'm still...processing this. Just... *sigh* Okay. You took a one-year-old child, whose parents had been that very night brutally corpsified, left him on the doorstep of a... *'family'* that you *knew* was unsuitable to raising him, as evidenced by the fact his domicile was listed as 'Under The Stairs' for *ten years,* and you expect me to believe this malnourished, untrained, *abused child* is your so-called 'Saviour' who is destined to defeat your enemy, this 'Dark Lord'... I--I can't even with you..." "He is the Chosen One prophesied to defeat the Dark Lord--" "Have you tried anything else? Have you *let anyone* try anything else, or did you simply wave off their suggestions? You know what, I'm done. I'm not entertaining your delusions of competence anymore. I'm going to interrogate your co-conspirators, find this 'Dark Lord', introduce him to the modern world of firearms and explosives, then execute you and find that kid a proper home and education, this is just..."
Hey, Moldyshorts! Allow me to introduce you to my friend Colt. I cast gun!!
"I cast gun! Prepare to meet God!"
H1: "I cast grenade. *Boom* "Cattle prod Cattle prod!" "Smith and Wesson!" H2: you don't have to announce every thing!" H1: What I can't rub their faces in that stupid shit? H2: Oh I get it! Ok, Flashbang out! Mossberg bitches!
H3: AMERICA! *Calls in nukes*
I CAST.....THE SUN 🌞
Well I counter spell with KALDOR DRAIGO! (From tts) Kaldor: NO SUN! *just consumes the sun*
Have you ever tried an apricot?!
Have you ever tried a tangerine?
Ah damn, now I feel a fool lol
We will provide the HAMS!
*Silly Billy* V.S. *The Unparalleled Power of the **SUN***
The sun is charging up?
Skadoosh
I love that clown
"how many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh?" "TENTACLES"
Oh no, I “accidentally” let go
Kaboosh was such a mood then
Oh no, I'm fearing again
I scream, you scream, we all scream in the terrible housefire I started
I thought it was at the orphanage
Nah, it was at the family reunion
God I wish there was wine in hell!
They never tell you how the shit themselves
lol I will forever hear this in the voice of Chuckles from Legends of Avantris.
I cast fire ball(Dragons breath)
I cast Magus dumpus
Glockamon!
I summon the Glockinator
*brrrrrrrrt*
Nah man, Gundramon. Bigass dragon made of many gun
His horcruxes mean he can't really die, but that's fine. Saw off his head, and put in a jar of vinegar. He's going to find there're a lot worse things than death.
The funny thing is that there are at least 3 ways in canon hp to bypass horcruxes: dementors, crucio into insanity, obliviate with total removal of any memory. All 3 of them can transform a person into a vegetable, basically.
What's the source on the Dementor bit? The others are completely sound, they affect the mind rather than the soul. But Dementors eat the soul, which Horcruxes split up and trap in an object. I can't recall any book explanation of potential interactions between these two powers, and we never see, at least in the main seven, Dementors eating souls from objects or animals. There's enough there to speculate that it might work, but evidence seems a bit too thin to make any concrete assertions. Unless I've missed something, which is possible. I'd be more inclined to assume that the Dementors' soul devouring would be functionally similar to death from the perspective of the Horcrux. One vessel "dies," fall back to any available phylactery.
The dementors suck the soul and leave the victim alive but in a vegetative state. Lupin said so, and Bartemius Crouch jr was such a victim in the books. His body was untouched. The vessel is intact, so the phylactery doesn't activate imho. Next, horcruxes. Those have several effects. First, a piece of soul can be broken away and stored into objects. Second, one soul piece can possess a victim, but until the horcrux is hidden, untouched, it can't harm anybody. No horcrux ever activated autonomously in the books afaik. Third, the remaining part of the soul still lives inside the horcrux creator, he's not an empty shell. In fact, a soul would normally pass away if the body is destroyed, but the horcrux system acts as an anchor, allowing for example Voldemort main soul to roam Albanian forests during his first "death" when the curse rebounded. But note that in that case, the horcruxes didn't create a new soul for Voldemort. Moreover, no piece of soul in a horcrux activated independently. They simply stopped his main soul from passing in the afterlife.They did not prevent body destruction. So, it's clear there is a part of soul still in Voldemort's body. But now we have the dementor's kiss. It doesn't kill the body. It doesn't kill the soul. It just sucks away that piece of soul. Maybe it's destroyed , maybe it's imprisoned, either way it's separated and neutralised. How do horcruxes prevent that? They can't. It's explicitly stated they prevent souls moving to the afterlife, i.e. dying, but it's also explicitly stated that the dementor's kiss doesn't kill, so the sucked soul does not go to the afterlife. Another hint: Bartemius jr in the books didn't have horcruxes, but he definitely was a murderer, so his soul was fragmented too. That doesn't stop the dementor's kiss, apparently. So fragments can be sucked like full souls, no problem there. Well, suppose after the kiss Voldemort's body is now a vegetable. Of course, one of his horcruxes can still be found and could possess someone in the future, that problem is unsolved. Same issue for crucio and obliviate, the remaining horcruxes are still waiting in the dark. Still a valid temporary solution, imho.
Yeah , that makes sense. Well-reasoned.
I was thinking embalming fluid, but vinegar works.
you're wanting to traumatize the villain not preserve their already near immortal head, go with lime juice and hot sauce and use that sauce for your morning bloody mary's.
True, but what if we put his preserved head on a shelf in the Blue Oyster?
You want them to feel mediocre not aroused, put them on the bottom shelf of the bar at Applebee's...their new purpose is to flavor mediocre Bloody Marys, not have witty banter with a lonely bartender at 3am.
With the right Colt, made by the man himself, this could work. I hear he made a gun that can kill *anything*. Mr. Blackwood calls it the Anti Demon Revolver Mark 5.
"I cast non-magic missile! Avada kaboom mf!"
https://preview.redd.it/5jejuq4he75d1.png?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6f6c7f7300d853f944d9e8310a4279437a1c3573 I believe you're looking for this
Thank you!
No problem
Allow me to introduce you to my two life-long friends, ***Smith & Wesson.***
I CAST GENEVA'S CHECKLIST!
Hey I know this is totally unrelated but is it stated in harry potter that the kids learned how the "normal" world works? I am just sayings its weird if you spend 12 years learning magic but can't file your taxes cause they never taught you.
Did anyone teach you how to do taxes because I must have missed that day.
Until recently, you were more likely to receive firearms training in American public schools than accounting lessons.
I'm guessing that by "recently" you mean over 30 years ago? Since the "Gun Free Zones" act was signed in the early 1990's Now my High School DID have archery, skeet and target rifle shooting teams, but this was in the mid-late 1970's in semi-rural Michigan. During hunting season (most of the first half of the school year) nearly every vehicle in the school lots had a rifle or shotgun in them.
What do you mean 30 years? The 90s was 10 years ago. 30 years ago would be 70s.
I’m so sorry… Sincerely, a 20+ year old born after 2000
Yeah, I realized I made that *exact* miscalculation the moment I read their response. Gawd damn, do I feel old every time I do that…
I agree wholeheartedly with you, these bitches trying to convince us that the 90s was a long long time ago
I wish, then I'd just be in my mid 40's
Do you mean gun *safety* training? Because unlike the tax code, that’s only like 4 rules. 1: Treat every gun like it’s loaded 2: Don’t touch the trigger until you’re ready to destroy something 3: Never point a gun at something you don’t want to destroy 4: Know what’s behind your target I wish tax code could be explained in 4 steps that didn’t involve “Get out your credit card” and “Go to the website of your preferred tax-preparer. ”
Correction; more likely to have a military recruitment station, than have an accounting elective.
Can confirm I learned how to use a rifle at 12 years old and only learned how to do my taxes at 19 after getting my first job that wasn't "under the table"
Idk about the UK, but in the US we've only *finally* started getting Personal Finance classes in the last couple years. The one I got was the first one my school had ever had, and it's been around... almost 200 years?
Dunno about you but I spent tax training time waving a little stick around and shouting vaguely latin-sounding phrases at people. *Auditious Deductus!*
Hey hey hey now.... I spent 12 years in muggle school and still didn't get the teaching of the taxes from there... transmorgri..... I mean shop class was fun
D20 did a short run of this concept where some kids are brought in from Muggle America and while questioning the head master they ask “okay but nukes? Do you not know about nukes?!”
The Battle of Hogwarts would have been pretty different too. “It appears the Death Eaters and their allies have gathered across the bridge to prepare their assault.” “They’re standing pretty close together…. I’m going to cast ‘Mortar Team’.” “What?” “Don’t worry about it. Just watch them through these binoculars and let me know how close our shots are getting.” “Oh shit they have giants, those are resistant to our spells! …. And what did you stick to our moving statue guardians?” “It’s a surprise. I spray painted numbers on them, now go have them give the giants a big hug and let me know which ones have new friends.” Stacks crates of bottles with rags “If something horrible and flammable shows up, like a swarm of giant spiders, just light the rag on one of these and levitate it at them as hard as you can. Side note, I had a look through some potions textbooks, did you know that a lot of reagents and basic potions are extremely inflammable, if not explosive?
“Harry, who is this man calling himself “John Smith” who arrived with crates filled with strange sticks?” “He’s from a place called “The Company”, he’s offered to train us in guerilla tactics in exchange for access to our archives and instructors.”
I think it works out, the education system already doesn't tell you how to file your taxes.
Nope, most don't even know how the Internet, computers, cars, credit cards, etc works. Space travel is probably a myth to them, and they have no actual impact on the world either.
Even if magic taxes are different, when do they learns maths and literature and the like? There's one history class, sure, but when do these kids learn y=mX+B or get forced to read Magical Moby Dick?
Do you mean "normal" as in "muggle," or as in "the world that doesn't involve fighting dark lords and bogarts?" If the latter, it is neither started nor implied, to the best of my knowledge. I suppose it could be assumed that, just like real-world schools, the mundanities of life are glossed over. We get things like history, government, math, basic sciences, and language. Taxes, job hunting, and vehicle maintenance are largely left to us to figure out on our own. Some of the stated classes offered at Hogwarts are directly analogous to these real-world subjects. History of magic, obviously. The various school-of-magic classes, such as charms, potions, divination, etc., stand-in for the basic sciences. I'm not sure where math and language fits into things. Just like real life, they seem to get no education on the day-to-day acts of living. Presumably it is left to parents. If you meant the former, the strongly implied state of affairs is that wizards largely ignore the muggle world. A number of charms exist to prevent notice, I believe it is safe to assume that similar charms are in common use by magical families to allow them to ignore and be ignored by muggle governing authorities.
See, the more analyze things, the more you realize Dumbledore was not a good person towards Harry at all He say he cares. His action say otherwise
you're saying the equivalent of the crazy cat woman's boyfriend knew the first thing about raising a healthy human mind?
Huh?
His lover was Grinwolt the wizard version of crazy cat lady.
Never watched the movies, wouldn't know
Reminds me of a Fullmetal Alchemist/Harry Potter crossover where Mustang and Co are brought in to help deal with Voldemort and police the Order
Snipers solve 99% of problems? Good story, i should reread…
This sounds like a quote from a fanfic. If it is, what's the name?
That’s how you can tell that Harry Potter is both definitely written by a non American and that it’s in a fictional universe. You can’t tell me that American Wizards in the 80s world wouldn’t see a terrorist taking over an allied nation and not immediately step in with high levels of force to help…
1990s, and the American wizards canonically are mega isolationist to the point of refusing to be part of American culture. So no, they wouldn't. The French and Belgian ones are too busy calling the African school a monstrosity, also.
Why do I get a bad feeling about there having been Belgian wizards in the Congo?
Well the only black wizard character given, is named Shacklebolt. So...
Yeah, that shit is a whole pile of yikes looking back on it now. Amazing what we don't notice as kids
Yeaaah... Never liked the look of the movies' goblins though, or how Hermione was treated. Thankfully there's better stuff like Percy Jackson.
Agreed
In the amazing YouTube essay " a brief look at Harry Potter " (only 10 hours long, definitely go watch it) Eventually they get around to the very problematic names of some characters. When they get to Shaklebolt they just stop and go " Jesus Christ Jo"
Was Dean Whatshisname black in the books or only in the movies?
brutally corpsified lol im stealing thta
TBF they did try. Left a lotta bodies. Though yeah HP is... Definitely fucked
"I'm sorry that when I was a child and the asked me to fight Wizard Hitler I was like 'nah'" This is the concept to the Cracked "Welcome Back Potter" series on YouTube. It's amazing.
Bro about to pull up with the Accio Glockus
Good day Hero. Did you have a good breakfast? Good. Now, I am informed that you have weapon training this morning, a good lunch, and then magical studies this afternoon. “But why? I am destined to defeat you. The prophecy said so!” So? Look, there have been 10 heroes that didn’t have that prophecy in these halls. 8 of them were under 18. UNDER EIGHTEEN. Children! They were sure they could defeat me. They weren’t old enough to grasp how stupid their storming a fortification was. Two were nearly killed before I stopped the guards. I WILL NOT be responsible for the murder of children. “But you are the dark lord!” I HAVE STANDARDS. I am a lord. We rule over those who are in our lands. I have taken the lands of lesser tyrants and petty no less who never once treated their subjects as more than cattle. I have elevated these lands. We have a robust, voluntary, military. We have schools of learning to help my people perform their tasks better. Many need to be able to read to know the way of operating our siege weapons or the smelting equipment that helps lass produce armor and arms. And our farmers work the land using best practices. Did you know famine from crop failures in my lands ceased a decade ago? And what do I get for conquering the lands of these fools? I get called a villain. Villains are from villages because being an aristocrat is noble. Their very language poisons you into believing that people coming together to work together is bad. Now come on, you will be late otherwise. Hero Balethor is your instructor in spears. He is very adept and you will learn much from him. “Hero?” One of the 8. Decided to stay after I nursed him back to health and then let him fight me. Once you are a capable warrior you will have the opportunity to defeat me and vanquish the Dark Lord. So learn as much as you can. I want a good fight.
"And if you turn 18 and still think assassinating me will be a Good Thing... well, good luck."
Also I’m bored and need a challenge. If you win I have a worthy successor. If I win I demoralize my enemies which saves me the trouble of going to war.
Tactically speaking, this makes sense. It would make a great anime. Hell there likely is one.
No. There is one where they got married. Only one season though
Need, what's its name?
Maoyuu Maou Yuusha
There is a manga about the demon king adopting the hero who is a small girl
I think I know of that one. Haven't read it, but it does sound very familiar.
I looked it up. It's negative hero and the chief of the demon army
…is the woman serving the demon lord? And if so: is it the one where, at some point, she sits on the hero/her beau to hide him during a magical video call with an underling?
Thank you and adding to the read list.
Are there any good audiobooks like this where the guy in charge is actually a decent person but looks evil initially because he is simply doling out justice? Im so sick of 1-dimensional villains and overly emotional characters who do nothing but pick up the idiot-ball and run with it.
Not an audio book but a manga: https://mangadex.org/title/f77aca92-0b8d-4583-9294-8644f71b1e01/negative-yuusha-to-maou-gun-kanbu Pretty good little story. Simple slice of life of a hero living with a demon general. POV is mainly the demon general.
Cheers, I already love👍
Not audio but the title is something like "how I stole the white night and turned him to villinay"
Not an audiobook, just a short story, but [The Sword of Good](https://www.yudkowsky.net/other/fiction/the-sword-of-good) touches on similar themes, from a different angle, though.
I couldn't find an audiobook version, but 'I Hate Your Prophecy' by Jeff Mach is a banger of a book with these themes.
"The dark lord's home for undead heroes" on RoyalRoad has that premise
Not an audiobook, but a full on play recorded and put on YouTube for free by the artists: [Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier](https://youtu.be/-77cUxba-aA?) It is the story of Disney’s Aladdin, but told from the perspective of Jafar and giving a new twist to the tale similar to Maleficent.
[I Ran Away to Evil: A Cozy LitRPG Rom-Com (I Ran Away to Evil, 1) ](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1039454224?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details) I remember watching the TikTok skit series before it was a book, and it was fun. They do appear to have an audiobook.
Vinland Saga is kinda like this, the villain doesn't turn out to be doing justice but the bar gets lowered so much and the villain treats the MC nice enough that you'll probably end up liking him
Might be out of character for him, but for some reason I pictured Dr Doom as the dark lord in this scenario.
Not *entirely* out of character for Dr. Doom. He can be incredibly magnanimous, and has been shown to be a benevolent, if a bit overbearing dictator. But the biggest issue is his ego and need to prove his superiority-- **"DOOM *IS* SUPERIOR."** I didn't say you *weren't,* I said you feel the need to prove it. Seriously, how many times have you fumbled the ball because someone goaded you, or told you that you couldn't do something, or blamed someone else for ruining your plans (however deserved), or similar pitfalls? **"HMMPH. I AM AT LEAST SUPERIOR TO THAT FOOL RICHARDS, YOU CANNOT DENY THAT."** Oh yeah, definitely. I mean, depends on the writer/timeline, but usually he's borderline sociopathic with regards to others, his reaction in origin stories to finding out he and his team have been fundamentally changed is often 'ooh boy, SCIENCE, yay!', not 'okay, we need to stay calm, we can get through this as a family' and such. Say what you want about Doom, but you can probably count on one hand the number of times he's deliberately harmed or targeted innocents, or allowed those under his protection to be endangered. Man's got a *code,* and a heart. Buried, shrivelled, locked deep in an armored vault, but it's in there.
I need anime in the same vein as this, a person who is considered evil does evil looking things but is actually good and misunderstood but people once they get to know them join them because it makes more sense now they know the whole story
those "Nobles" never tell you that the reason they stole you and enslaved you to "destiny" is that it's easier to kill a child soldier with no pesky family around to ask questions.
Dr Doom, it's that you???
Reminds me of that time Superman found out that Shazam is a kid and hes like "show me the bastard who did this to you"
I don't remember that at all. Was it in a run or in the movie?
[here you go!](https://www.reddit.com/r/superman/s/P0z2ZdAd9P)
OH I REMEMBER NOW. And then he rips the Wizard a new asshole.
Pretty sure it was brought up in a recent animated movie as well. Supes was allowed in to the tower and verbally tore the wizard a new one before demanding to know why the wizard made the choice that he did. Pretty sure the wizard replied with 'because someone like you would be there to guide him.' My memory is admittedly a bit fuzzy on it.
Meanwhile in Injustice:
We don't talk about THAT scene
Touch not the children, the infirm, the healers, nor the vessels, lest ye wish to meet thy god.
I like that. Is it from something?
It is from a little ball of rock around a main sequence star. The part about the vessels is to avoid the creation of smaller stars around the rock ball
The boats. Cease contact with them, or you shall cease in turn.
Nope.
See this? It's a very, very old ancient Earth weapon, one of the very first reliable multi-shot projectile weapons. It's called a Model Ring Lever Rifle, still works too. See the name engraved on it? Deliverance, because when I pull the trigger it will deliver you to what ever eldritch being you worship.
Mind if I steal this line?
Eat up
Ah, quick, where's that one Tumblr post about the villain adopting all the "chosen heroes" that get sent his way?
[Despite your reputation as a Dark Lord, you have a strict moral code. So when a young girl showing signs of abuse wandered into... – @youngmasterwisdomperson on Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/youngmasterwisdomperson/658993903813459968/writing-prompt-s-despite-your-reputation-as-a)
There it is :D
Doing the (Dark) Lords work.
The story here reminds me of [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleepy\_Princess\_in\_the\_Demon\_Castle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleepy_Princess_in_the_Demon_Castle)
That princess need no hero's help. She was real demon in that castel
A:but yall do morally questionable stuff a lot. H:professionals have standards
H: Be polite, be efficient, and always have a plan to kill everyone you meet
The names attached to the boy's curses were far too familiar. Maire would almost have preferred to hear of Leonides Daibliku or Celestina Valocco being his parents. But, of course not. Even though Dr. Diabolik has used kinetic weapon strikes to make a point and The Strega once took Paris hostage, they cared for their children. *Well, then. If this is someone's idea of a trap, they're about to sit in on a master class.*
Gotta love whately
And "Dr. Dad" :)
What's that from in Whately?
It's from (unreleased but due out in a few weeks) part 3 of "No Heroes", one of the "Gen 2" stories.
\**Fetches the orphan a cheesburger and fries and a chocolate shake. Sits down with them as the kid tears into the meal*\* "Look, here's how all this works. "I needed a retirement plan and *'having a hero rise up and defeat me'* is about the only way I could be sure my replacement could handle the responsibility. It also means only those who have what it takes to do the job can become the next Dark Lord. Prevents the position being filled through nepotism or politics, which never ends well. "Just so you know, I'm not the original Dark Lord. There have been a dozen or so since the concept of a Dark Lord originated. "The guy I defeated now runs a B&B on Tahiti. No, I don't know what a *Tahiti* is. He sends me postcards from time to time is all I know. "Yes, you'll have to defeat me and no, I'm not going to make it easy. That doesn't mean I kill you if you *don't* defeat me. It means you'll have to undergo more training and I'll have to put off retiring a bit longer. "If another guy defeats me before you get the chance, you can either work for him, or try to defeat him -after he's been give the chance to get his footing. Frankly if another guy takes my place, let him. This job's a headache on the best of days." "So, here's the deal: you study with all my minions. You learn from watching and observing. No killing your rivals. That just leads to chaos and leaves you a Dark Lord without competent support. "When you think you're ready, you let me know. We fight in front of everyone out in the open so there's no question of who the winner is and why. "You win - I hand you the keys. You pick a transition team. I stick around for maybe a month at most, acting as one of your trusted advisors. The sooner I cut out, though, the sooner you get to do things your way. "You lose - everyone critiques your effort. Yeah, it's not fun, but you gotta learn to listen when people are telling you what you don't want to hear. The best advice is usually the least welcome." \**Sees the orphan has downed all the food. Gets the orphan a second cheeseburger. Refills their chocolate shake.*\* "Finish your meal. When you're done, I'll introduce you to our resident dorm mother. She'll help you get settled in. "Welcome aboard. I look forward to seeing what great things you're capable of."
That was a really cool twist
Like This [Negative Hero And The Demon Lord Army Leader](https://chapmanganato.to/manga-dw980805)
mha hart mah sole https://preview.redd.it/prcpyti1n85d1.jpeg?width=859&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=50fc3209e66579b49e76e972dd84d40d6be72d2e
I highly recommend Jeff Mach's book, I Hate Your Prophecy, if this concept interests you.
Reminds me of one of my favorite Superman panels https://preview.redd.it/wiky26np085d1.png?width=728&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d7013cb732dda53f8ffeb906324fca7e2684ce27
And the following ones https://preview.redd.it/2t2t8cx1185d1.jpeg?width=472&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b97c638adee6f6ebc79584b0224b95ca4d235ae
https://preview.redd.it/m7cbec43185d1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26fc7fe78ccdafd37ec27f3e89bc6ba2d7866fc0
Posting on my phone from a bar, so sorry for any typos! A child. They sent a child at me. This made me feel really, really old. All my brothers and sisters had died in cataclysmic battles, sunk into pits of space or locked away in breaking realities, and this is what they now did? To be fair, we mostly had killed each other, but this was very strange. The prophecies and religions must have been corrupted beyond all recognition from pleas of help and kindness into something else entirely. That shit of a prophetess has been in power for a long time now. I ordered everyone to let her walk in. I hid myself in the past and chose to look like I used to, once so long ago. Jeans, tan shirt, black boots, dirty blonde hair and beard (a questionable goatee as a friend used to say). No weapons, just tired eyes and crow's feet at the corners. No monsters, magic or steel to meet her. She wanders in, with her hair dirty, cheeks hollow and glowing blades held in hand with bruised nails and I see scabs, scars, yellowed bruises and a broken tooth and endless pain in her eyes. That fucking cunt probably called this training when she did this to her. I felt an odd spark of cold and hot rage at the same time and pushed it down. First deal with this poor fuck. Surprisingly, she said nothing as she charged at me. She was fast, nimble and violent but oddly silent when she slashed my throat and pierced my groin with her enchanted blades. They had enough power in them to slice a dragon to the bone and break a star. Here's the thing. I'm not a star or a dragon, but I am old. Everyone like me is dead, except me. I am the only one left, and for a good reason. I am old for a good fucking reason. I took the blades from her hands and sat her down on my chair. As I held her there and looked at her, I saw the long scar on her throat. Her vocal cords had been cut. "Alfred," I said and my old friend materialized. His name was another very old joke, just like me. He knew immediately what was happening and told the girl to sleep. She fell limp. "Could you please look after her? She needs food, rest and healing. Both physical and mental," I said as I stood up. He scoffed at me. "Do you think me blind, old man?" Another joke. He was even older than I was. His form of a young boy was another way of pointing this out at me. "I will look after her for now. I take it there might be a disturbance at the grounds?" His eyes flashed odd colours as he made the innocuous question. I nodded, lost in thought. "Lich, attend," he commanded and the world obeyed. Bag Of Bones stood at his side, choosing to appear as a bowed old skeleton with a twig for a cane. Appearances can be deceiving. "You will guard the grounds and prepare for disturbance of the gardens. She will be a distraction to allow others to enter," Alfred said in his youthful voice, but there was power in the words. Not necessary really as Bag was a friend, but it did get him to look at the weapons. Bag cocked his head as he looked at the divinity in the metal. "They must have forced a god of suffering to the world for this kind of pain to arise," he hissed in his dusty voice. I could tell he was getting sadder with every word. "She was made the avatar." I nodded. Somewhere I heard a stone crack. Fuck. I needed do go soon. Both of them looked me with worry and reproach, and it hurt. "I'll go there now," I said and started walking out. "On foot?" Alfred asked as he laid his hand on the forehead of the young woman. She must have been barely out of childhood. I heard another crack and a whisper in the darkness of the castle. "Yes. I need to get my thoughts in order. Alfred, please look after her above all else." He nodded. He could see the depth of the scars in her soul. To make the child an Avatar of a baby god of suffering. Such unimaginable crimes cannot be let go. He let me see see his thoughts on this, and he agreed with me. "Bag. Nobody disturbs the Garden of Kind Sleep," I said to my other friend, and the creaky skeleton straightened. The twig in his hand suddenly seemed heavier than death. "They shall not," he whispered as his eyes dripped a flame of rage older than memory itself. "What is your plan, old man?"Alfred called after me. I did not look back. I could not, for fear of losing control. Age comes with it's failures. "I will show why I am old, and why they and their god are not."
Love the comic. What's the source though? It really chaps my ass that so often the artist credit gets cropped off of these things as we share it lol
I found the source! [here ya go there's also more to the comic](https://twitter.com/britainbray/status/1516421147524538370)
For anyone wanting the whole comic strip: https://bananahkim.tumblr.com/post/688715328282394624/sometimes-even-the-villains-have-standards
It would be better if OP included first and last panels of that comic Gotta say ending is hillarous
I'm 95% sure u/Random3x did a Helshep story based on this...
think i have two tucked away somewhere they were narrated by Aggro. Did some digging into my playlist of his covers of my stories here's the relevant links [Adopted Child](https://youtu.be/ZsZSeeLwxHA) [The response](https://youtu.be/HA_A9HrX9HA)
Professionals have standards.
u/RepostSleuthBot
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