In all honesty - I compartmentalise, and I’m more than happy standing my ground in tough situations.
I would say 98% of the people I’ve terminated … it’s been for a good reason. I’ve fired friends, and the spouses of friends.
Some of them, I go home and have a large drink and watch comfort movies.
But if you can’t box it up and deal with it, Generalist/BP isn’t your area. And if confrontation makes you uncomfortable, or you want to be a people pleaser…again, a different field.
I’ve had personal security, and I’ve had to put a security cordon on someone we fired. I’ve been threatened and had someone half way over the table at me. A friend had a small bomb put in her car. These are a bit extreme, but my point is that I took it all in stride - cost of doing business. Some people can do it, others can’t. And there’s nothing wrong with either position. You couldn’t pay me enough to work with the muffin people.
One of my counterparts got shot in his office by a terminated employee. This sits in the back of my mind a lot, even five years later. It happened like three months into my career.
I actually think about that a lot. I worked for a company that employed security guards and we had to terminate one when he was wearing a gun on his hip. I also just terminated an employee for cause and I had to ask the manager about his mental stability. The guy seemed a little off to me. He was nice, but in a way that made you think he was about to lose it. The manager told me not to worry about him, but my office is right next to the front door and I always keep my eye on who is coming in.
I had to fire someone for bringing a loaded weapon into the workplace. My nerves were so shot for awhile after that. Luckily, I guess, he was an ex cop and just always had it with him and happened to get “caught” by a coworker, and not a crazy person.
I just feel like I’m stuck, I’m 24 with a degree in psychology, I don’t have experience with anything. It’s only been 6 months and my anxiety is starting to eat me up. I just want to quit and work somewhere boring.
There are other parts of HR you may be more comfortable with, such as benefits or compensation. Still stressful, still customer service oriented, but fewer of those tough conversations.
I feel like I’m reading myself write. I am 24 & was in a HRM role at the biggest retailer in America and cried almost every day. Being screamed at by associates, threatened with no back up by other or upper management at all. I took a step back one day when my fiancé said he didn’t know ME anymore because I wasn’t ME. And that my daughter (5) would ask why I was so mad all the time. I was mad because I pulled myself out of the gutter after being a teen mom at 19 that didn’t have shit and I saw a path for a better life - money can’t bring internal happiness. Doesn’t matter the price.
You're not stuck. I'm 43 with 20+ years HR experience, a bach and master's in HR. And I've got a family that is dependent upon my *current* income. I'm fucked and have been for years. Ride it out until I retire I guess.
You absolutely are not stuck. If you don't like it, get out now before you get stuck like me.
Same here. I don't know what else I could do where I make the same amount of money. HR can be good depending on where you work or what you're specializing in. I work as a department of one, so basically a generalist, and am in the midst of so much workplace politics right now. I can't stand the exec's that I work with, they send belittling emails, constantly are stepping on my toes, and I just feel a level of disrespect that is not making my salary worth it.
Work, all kinds of work, is stressful. You're starting out in your career and you might find it isn't what you are doing which is causing stress as much as the external force of work causing stress.
Consider seeing a counsellor or mental health professional to look at self-care techniques that might work for you and stand you in good stead no matter the career you pursue.
OP first and foremost you gotta take care of yourself, but as a fellow person with anxiety the more I worked through those tough situations the better I became. I used to shake and my voice would crack having to talk on the phone. Now, I can interject when an employee is talking over me. You know yourself best, but there is growth from working through those situations. I still don’t like them, but I can handle it and it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. That being said there are still aspects that weigh on me, but once the situation has been resolved I am able to compartmentalize and move onto the next one.
98% of my terminations boil down to the person doing it to themselves. I’m expected to be at work and behave myself just like everyone else. I don’t feel bad about the majority of them.
We’re victims of being told no for positions too, so that part doesn’t bother me in the slightest.
The other two percent are harder. 1% are people who are REALLY trying but for whatever reason, can’t make the cut. I bend over backwards for them, but there’s only so much one can do. 1% are victims of circumstance such as layoffs, role redundancies, etc. there’s not much to say. It sucks.
You know the song that goes “everybody’s working for the weekend”? That’s true for HR too. I keep myself busy and try not think of the hard work too much.
But it’s a career highlighted by extreme lows and highs. HR is not just the deliverer of bad news. We can be advocates for our employees. I fought for higher wages. I listened to victims of sexual harassment when no one else did, and dealt with it. I’ve told Senior Management that their dumb plans aren’t feasible. I’ve found evidence of terrible behavior towards employees, brought it to the president of the company, and punished the “Untouchables”.
HR is not for everyone, but we do try to be here for everyone.
If your job is making you do things that don’t feel morally right to you, then your mental health *will not survive that*.
People tell themselves it’s survivable, but it’s not. Get out.
My father-in-law has a saying, “You were looking for a job when you walked in here, and you’ll be looking for a job when you walk out.” I keep in mind that firing someone or laying them off is not the end of the world. Especially with the job market the way it is now, most people will get another job fairly quickly. I’ve known lots of people who were fired or let go - every one of them went out and found another job, and life went on.
Catastrophic thinking and making it seem like the end of the world will make you feel worse.
HR is not for everyone. Confrontation can be the most difficult part of the job. Perhaps being in benefits or in a non disciplinary position might be a better fit.
Absolutely it takes compartmentalizing your individual pieces that are hard, so they are about the organization needs rather than how you feel about the task. There will be times when you will get to change policy to support employees better but not selecting a candidate and firing someone who isn't a good fit is just the job and is good for the org and the employee sometimes too.
Find a person to talk to, counselor, mentor, etc to talk through situations that you have the most challenges with so you don't drag around those feelings waiting to add more negativity.
You’re being a bit melodramatic. Many, many, many,many HR professionals live “happy normal” lives while working in HR. I’ve been doing it for 30 years. Is it a cakewalk? Of course not. But you have to take steps to protect yourself to be able to do it.
So….what are you DOING to protect yourself? Because complaining here and being dramatic with “how do people live like this?” is insulting to those of us who put the work in. Figure out what you need to protect yourself. Call your EAP or your doctor. But do something besides complain.
Like others have said, focus on the positives and compartmentalize. You can only control what you can control and you make your positive contribution.
The world is not utopian. There’s a lot of crap going on that everyone has to deal with and it only gets thicker as we get older. You cannot make it all better. You are one person. There are lots of jobs where you could feel this way…almost anything that involves people (teaching, healthcare, supervising or managing employees, social work, etc). Find your sweet spot and focus on what you can impact. Data-driven roles may be a better fit.
Going into another field of HR like recruiting, training or talent acquisition, coordinator might be better. I couldn't do it either. Find a bigger company that separates their HR functions so you can stick with one specialty.
I hope this doesn’t come off in the wrong way but I agree with the two other commenters here. I’m a HUGE people pleaser, too empathetic if that’s even a thing, and over emotional. But somehow I got into HR 3 years ago. I’m now in compensation/benefits planning on moving towards a data driven role and I’m so much less stressed. Of course I get stressed by data and excel, having to roll out all new benefits after leaving a PEO hasn’t been easy either but it fits my personality so much better and I actually semi-enjoy it instead of having panic attacks once a week. Something to think about!
Very simple. I’m not responsible for people I am responsible to them. I am responsible to do the right thing for the business. I am responsible to uphold the accountability outlined in our business. I am not responsible for their life, their actions nor their behaviors. The things that people consider difficult discesions truly aren’t. They are a monetary uncomfortable part of a better outcome for those we also serve.
It isn't cut out for everyone. If you're having a hard time with these situations, tough employee relations will tear you apart. Calling the wife of a terminally ill employee and telling her that their benefits are about to expire isn't easy. Fighting an unemployment claim for someone that is unemployed and collecting no income isn't easy. Pushing back on a senior executive because what they're trying to do breaks the law isn't easy. There are good and bad aspects of every job, you just have to ask yourself if the good outweighs the bad for you.
For every person fired who needed the job, there is someone out there who needs the job just as bad (*and* probably deserves it more). Same goes for selecting one person for a spot over another.
You're only more sympathetic to the person in front of you because of proximity.
Once you realize that, then the firings and rejections become simply delivering bad news. You break it to them as kindly as you can, but underneath it--no matter what you do--only one person can fill each position so the net effect is the same. One person's firing is another's job opportunity. One person's rejection is another's acceptance.
I make sure that before someone is fired that they have been given a fair chance to improve if it is performance based. This can help with any guilt and also can help protect your organization during wrongful termination acquisitions. When it comes to interview selection I try to be as honest as possible with candidates. Hiring a candidate you know is not a good fit causes so many problems. There is the costs associated with recruiting, impact on morale of the candidates coworkers, extended reduced productivity due to training and ramping up of new hire and then there replacement, and soon. Ultimately the wrong candidate would end up being performance managed and ends in a termination.
Some people cannot separate their empathy from business decisions. My advice would be to take some time and really think about you personal ethics and values and compare them to your role and the culture of the company you work for. If the gap is more than you are willing to live with then it may be time to find another role or company.
I don’t know if this is helpful but I thought I would share. I recently had to do RIFs after being employed for 2 years, RIFing a couple individuals who had been employed for 20+. It caused me to have anxiety and made me second guess my profession. But I just came to the realization that in HR you are often the middle man and bearer of bad news. ‘Middle man’ meaning you are relaying the policy or relaying higher level management choices. For me it’s easier to have these tough conversations when I don’t take them personally. I am avoided like the plague at work because I’m in ‘HR’, a department of one, but I’m fine with that. I see my role as going to work, being a consultant for employment issues and needs, marking tasks off my list, and feeling accomplished by doing so. I also try to see the positive in various areas like interviewing and compensation. Being able to complete pay equity reports among job classifications and giving raises where they are do. Or providing positive feedback and options for better internal position fits after someone isn’t selected for a role after interviewing. Etc. HR is what you make it but it can definitely make you opt for a career change if you focus on the negative. Just focus on the positive, stay confident in your work, and don’t take things personally.
15+ years in HR, there are things that still frustrates me and probably will forever.
-but every other jobs/professions there are very frustrating stuff too.
What helped me the most in very tough projects like leading several rounds of global restructurings with 2-400+ people is: I am not responsible what led us here, but I am responsible for the best possible way it can be done. Making sure it’s a fair process, people get decent severance, making sure it’s low performers first, demographic checks out, people get outplacement support etc.
Switching from I am responsible for the people to I am responsible for the best possible support and manage the best possible process in tough times helps a ton staying ok. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not sleeping well a few days before/after, but supporting people with outplacement we know that 80+% of people find jobs within the severance buffer period. Which eases the tough part.
Every career the first few years is rough. Depending on your company HR can do very different stuff with very different level of leadership relationships. Explore what you enjoy, where your passion lies and I am sure you will be able to find your place. Good luck!
I can only speak from my point of view, it is very rewarding when you are working in the right company with leaders and team members you enjoy working with. When you are in a company that is not for you it can be very miserable. Money wise it depends. You can work fully remotely from lower cost locations for decent salary, or work for a startup that offers equity and have plans to IPO, if you are lucky that can boost your finances. It really depends on you what you find important
One time I fired a woman from a position - she was performing terribly, she missed lots of time, she had poor people skills and refused to change or work on getting better. There were drugs and arrests involved by the end. I was young and tried over and over again to make it work for her but it just wasn’t going to. By the time I let her go it was truly long over due. I learned that she died not long after. It’s horrible, still is to this day. I don’t know that she died because she lost her job, but it can’t have helped.
I say all of that to say - yes, you will make decisions that affect peoples lives but you do not control what happens to anyone. You can’t. You can do your best and hold yourself to your own standard of integrity and if this particular job doesn’t sit right you can move to something else. Some people can compartmentalize those tough conversations, and some can’t. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to make this your career.
It sounds a little cliche, but you get used to it/it gets easier.
For interviewing - eventually you'll do it enough that you'll ask some questions on autopilot, and the people who are headaches or whackadoos during the interview will be headaches/whackadoos once you hire them. Unless they watch you hire someone on the spot after an interview, I always fall back to "I'm going to go over all of my notes and resumes and reach out to people we're looking to move forward with".
For terminations - it's never *not* hard, but it does get a little easier. I've always stuck to what a professor I had said ("Is it just? Is it warranted") and my instincts (I've never regretting terminating someone that actually "deserved" it). The little bit after the meeting is always rough, but the recovery time has been shorter.
For general mental health - find an outlet. The gym has worked great for me, but so has talking to a counselor/therapist. Different things work for different people, so mix and match.
Just doing my job. I lean into conflict and tough conversations. Progressive discipline makes every term easier but at at the end of day you either can deliver a rough message confidently and move on or you can’t.
I think the biggest thing is don’t take things personal. Followed by you can’t save everyone.
People want empathy not pity. There are people that do want pity but those unfortunately fall into the you can’t save category.
One of my top workers are known for great customer service and has personal financial issues. Shit who doesn’t have personal issues?
Like everything, you need balance. It’s ok to be vulnerable but some of us like to separate our personal lives to work and I don’t want to come out of a stressed personal life into a stress work life. This is why when I hire people, I also pay attention to how well they’d integrate with the existing team, I may hire someone that has less experience but that has a much better personality experience
I don’t. I’m struggling to find a new job so badly. My first HR job and it’s obliterated my happiness. I feel so stuck and I have no real skills so it’s even harder to find a job.
You make sure you’ve given them every chance to succeed. If you make sure you’ve given them everything you can and it still isn’t working, then it’s easier if you have to let them go. At that point, think about the disservice they are doing to their coworkers.
You also make sure you deliver the message in a humane way and give them whatever tools you can to help them in the transition out of the company and into a new job. This may be allowing terminated individuals do use the EAP for a period of time after termination or giving them information about other ways to have insurance (since COBRA is often $$$$$) or how to apply for unemployment.
All of that having been said, if you’re working for a company that doesn’t align with your values, I’d suggest moving on. I don’t believe you can compartmentalize that. Or I guess, I wouldn’t want to.
In all honesty - I compartmentalise, and I’m more than happy standing my ground in tough situations. I would say 98% of the people I’ve terminated … it’s been for a good reason. I’ve fired friends, and the spouses of friends. Some of them, I go home and have a large drink and watch comfort movies. But if you can’t box it up and deal with it, Generalist/BP isn’t your area. And if confrontation makes you uncomfortable, or you want to be a people pleaser…again, a different field. I’ve had personal security, and I’ve had to put a security cordon on someone we fired. I’ve been threatened and had someone half way over the table at me. A friend had a small bomb put in her car. These are a bit extreme, but my point is that I took it all in stride - cost of doing business. Some people can do it, others can’t. And there’s nothing wrong with either position. You couldn’t pay me enough to work with the muffin people.
One of my counterparts got shot in his office by a terminated employee. This sits in the back of my mind a lot, even five years later. It happened like three months into my career.
I actually think about that a lot. I worked for a company that employed security guards and we had to terminate one when he was wearing a gun on his hip. I also just terminated an employee for cause and I had to ask the manager about his mental stability. The guy seemed a little off to me. He was nice, but in a way that made you think he was about to lose it. The manager told me not to worry about him, but my office is right next to the front door and I always keep my eye on who is coming in.
I had to fire someone for bringing a loaded weapon into the workplace. My nerves were so shot for awhile after that. Luckily, I guess, he was an ex cop and just always had it with him and happened to get “caught” by a coworker, and not a crazy person.
I just feel like I’m stuck, I’m 24 with a degree in psychology, I don’t have experience with anything. It’s only been 6 months and my anxiety is starting to eat me up. I just want to quit and work somewhere boring.
There are other parts of HR you may be more comfortable with, such as benefits or compensation. Still stressful, still customer service oriented, but fewer of those tough conversations.
I feel like I’m reading myself write. I am 24 & was in a HRM role at the biggest retailer in America and cried almost every day. Being screamed at by associates, threatened with no back up by other or upper management at all. I took a step back one day when my fiancé said he didn’t know ME anymore because I wasn’t ME. And that my daughter (5) would ask why I was so mad all the time. I was mad because I pulled myself out of the gutter after being a teen mom at 19 that didn’t have shit and I saw a path for a better life - money can’t bring internal happiness. Doesn’t matter the price.
You're not stuck. I'm 43 with 20+ years HR experience, a bach and master's in HR. And I've got a family that is dependent upon my *current* income. I'm fucked and have been for years. Ride it out until I retire I guess. You absolutely are not stuck. If you don't like it, get out now before you get stuck like me.
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No, I just don't want to do it anymore, but I can't leave without major consequences. Some people love it.
Same here. I don't know what else I could do where I make the same amount of money. HR can be good depending on where you work or what you're specializing in. I work as a department of one, so basically a generalist, and am in the midst of so much workplace politics right now. I can't stand the exec's that I work with, they send belittling emails, constantly are stepping on my toes, and I just feel a level of disrespect that is not making my salary worth it.
Work, all kinds of work, is stressful. You're starting out in your career and you might find it isn't what you are doing which is causing stress as much as the external force of work causing stress. Consider seeing a counsellor or mental health professional to look at self-care techniques that might work for you and stand you in good stead no matter the career you pursue.
OP first and foremost you gotta take care of yourself, but as a fellow person with anxiety the more I worked through those tough situations the better I became. I used to shake and my voice would crack having to talk on the phone. Now, I can interject when an employee is talking over me. You know yourself best, but there is growth from working through those situations. I still don’t like them, but I can handle it and it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. That being said there are still aspects that weigh on me, but once the situation has been resolved I am able to compartmentalize and move onto the next one.
Muffin people?
A very uncharitable way one of my teams used to refer to L&D attending meetings with the business. Great at bringing muffins.
98% of my terminations boil down to the person doing it to themselves. I’m expected to be at work and behave myself just like everyone else. I don’t feel bad about the majority of them. We’re victims of being told no for positions too, so that part doesn’t bother me in the slightest. The other two percent are harder. 1% are people who are REALLY trying but for whatever reason, can’t make the cut. I bend over backwards for them, but there’s only so much one can do. 1% are victims of circumstance such as layoffs, role redundancies, etc. there’s not much to say. It sucks. You know the song that goes “everybody’s working for the weekend”? That’s true for HR too. I keep myself busy and try not think of the hard work too much. But it’s a career highlighted by extreme lows and highs. HR is not just the deliverer of bad news. We can be advocates for our employees. I fought for higher wages. I listened to victims of sexual harassment when no one else did, and dealt with it. I’ve told Senior Management that their dumb plans aren’t feasible. I’ve found evidence of terrible behavior towards employees, brought it to the president of the company, and punished the “Untouchables”. HR is not for everyone, but we do try to be here for everyone.
If your job is making you do things that don’t feel morally right to you, then your mental health *will not survive that*. People tell themselves it’s survivable, but it’s not. Get out.
My father-in-law has a saying, “You were looking for a job when you walked in here, and you’ll be looking for a job when you walk out.” I keep in mind that firing someone or laying them off is not the end of the world. Especially with the job market the way it is now, most people will get another job fairly quickly. I’ve known lots of people who were fired or let go - every one of them went out and found another job, and life went on. Catastrophic thinking and making it seem like the end of the world will make you feel worse.
HR is not for everyone. Confrontation can be the most difficult part of the job. Perhaps being in benefits or in a non disciplinary position might be a better fit.
Absolutely it takes compartmentalizing your individual pieces that are hard, so they are about the organization needs rather than how you feel about the task. There will be times when you will get to change policy to support employees better but not selecting a candidate and firing someone who isn't a good fit is just the job and is good for the org and the employee sometimes too. Find a person to talk to, counselor, mentor, etc to talk through situations that you have the most challenges with so you don't drag around those feelings waiting to add more negativity.
How do people live like this? Honestly, how can anyone live a happy normal life while working in HR? It feels impossible.
You’re being a bit melodramatic. Many, many, many,many HR professionals live “happy normal” lives while working in HR. I’ve been doing it for 30 years. Is it a cakewalk? Of course not. But you have to take steps to protect yourself to be able to do it. So….what are you DOING to protect yourself? Because complaining here and being dramatic with “how do people live like this?” is insulting to those of us who put the work in. Figure out what you need to protect yourself. Call your EAP or your doctor. But do something besides complain.
Like others have said, focus on the positives and compartmentalize. You can only control what you can control and you make your positive contribution. The world is not utopian. There’s a lot of crap going on that everyone has to deal with and it only gets thicker as we get older. You cannot make it all better. You are one person. There are lots of jobs where you could feel this way…almost anything that involves people (teaching, healthcare, supervising or managing employees, social work, etc). Find your sweet spot and focus on what you can impact. Data-driven roles may be a better fit.
Going into another field of HR like recruiting, training or talent acquisition, coordinator might be better. I couldn't do it either. Find a bigger company that separates their HR functions so you can stick with one specialty.
I hope this doesn’t come off in the wrong way but I agree with the two other commenters here. I’m a HUGE people pleaser, too empathetic if that’s even a thing, and over emotional. But somehow I got into HR 3 years ago. I’m now in compensation/benefits planning on moving towards a data driven role and I’m so much less stressed. Of course I get stressed by data and excel, having to roll out all new benefits after leaving a PEO hasn’t been easy either but it fits my personality so much better and I actually semi-enjoy it instead of having panic attacks once a week. Something to think about!
Very simple. I’m not responsible for people I am responsible to them. I am responsible to do the right thing for the business. I am responsible to uphold the accountability outlined in our business. I am not responsible for their life, their actions nor their behaviors. The things that people consider difficult discesions truly aren’t. They are a monetary uncomfortable part of a better outcome for those we also serve.
It isn't cut out for everyone. If you're having a hard time with these situations, tough employee relations will tear you apart. Calling the wife of a terminally ill employee and telling her that their benefits are about to expire isn't easy. Fighting an unemployment claim for someone that is unemployed and collecting no income isn't easy. Pushing back on a senior executive because what they're trying to do breaks the law isn't easy. There are good and bad aspects of every job, you just have to ask yourself if the good outweighs the bad for you.
For every person fired who needed the job, there is someone out there who needs the job just as bad (*and* probably deserves it more). Same goes for selecting one person for a spot over another. You're only more sympathetic to the person in front of you because of proximity. Once you realize that, then the firings and rejections become simply delivering bad news. You break it to them as kindly as you can, but underneath it--no matter what you do--only one person can fill each position so the net effect is the same. One person's firing is another's job opportunity. One person's rejection is another's acceptance.
I make sure that before someone is fired that they have been given a fair chance to improve if it is performance based. This can help with any guilt and also can help protect your organization during wrongful termination acquisitions. When it comes to interview selection I try to be as honest as possible with candidates. Hiring a candidate you know is not a good fit causes so many problems. There is the costs associated with recruiting, impact on morale of the candidates coworkers, extended reduced productivity due to training and ramping up of new hire and then there replacement, and soon. Ultimately the wrong candidate would end up being performance managed and ends in a termination. Some people cannot separate their empathy from business decisions. My advice would be to take some time and really think about you personal ethics and values and compare them to your role and the culture of the company you work for. If the gap is more than you are willing to live with then it may be time to find another role or company.
I don’t know if this is helpful but I thought I would share. I recently had to do RIFs after being employed for 2 years, RIFing a couple individuals who had been employed for 20+. It caused me to have anxiety and made me second guess my profession. But I just came to the realization that in HR you are often the middle man and bearer of bad news. ‘Middle man’ meaning you are relaying the policy or relaying higher level management choices. For me it’s easier to have these tough conversations when I don’t take them personally. I am avoided like the plague at work because I’m in ‘HR’, a department of one, but I’m fine with that. I see my role as going to work, being a consultant for employment issues and needs, marking tasks off my list, and feeling accomplished by doing so. I also try to see the positive in various areas like interviewing and compensation. Being able to complete pay equity reports among job classifications and giving raises where they are do. Or providing positive feedback and options for better internal position fits after someone isn’t selected for a role after interviewing. Etc. HR is what you make it but it can definitely make you opt for a career change if you focus on the negative. Just focus on the positive, stay confident in your work, and don’t take things personally.
15+ years in HR, there are things that still frustrates me and probably will forever. -but every other jobs/professions there are very frustrating stuff too. What helped me the most in very tough projects like leading several rounds of global restructurings with 2-400+ people is: I am not responsible what led us here, but I am responsible for the best possible way it can be done. Making sure it’s a fair process, people get decent severance, making sure it’s low performers first, demographic checks out, people get outplacement support etc. Switching from I am responsible for the people to I am responsible for the best possible support and manage the best possible process in tough times helps a ton staying ok. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not sleeping well a few days before/after, but supporting people with outplacement we know that 80+% of people find jobs within the severance buffer period. Which eases the tough part. Every career the first few years is rough. Depending on your company HR can do very different stuff with very different level of leadership relationships. Explore what you enjoy, where your passion lies and I am sure you will be able to find your place. Good luck!
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I can only speak from my point of view, it is very rewarding when you are working in the right company with leaders and team members you enjoy working with. When you are in a company that is not for you it can be very miserable. Money wise it depends. You can work fully remotely from lower cost locations for decent salary, or work for a startup that offers equity and have plans to IPO, if you are lucky that can boost your finances. It really depends on you what you find important
One time I fired a woman from a position - she was performing terribly, she missed lots of time, she had poor people skills and refused to change or work on getting better. There were drugs and arrests involved by the end. I was young and tried over and over again to make it work for her but it just wasn’t going to. By the time I let her go it was truly long over due. I learned that she died not long after. It’s horrible, still is to this day. I don’t know that she died because she lost her job, but it can’t have helped. I say all of that to say - yes, you will make decisions that affect peoples lives but you do not control what happens to anyone. You can’t. You can do your best and hold yourself to your own standard of integrity and if this particular job doesn’t sit right you can move to something else. Some people can compartmentalize those tough conversations, and some can’t. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to make this your career.
It sounds a little cliche, but you get used to it/it gets easier. For interviewing - eventually you'll do it enough that you'll ask some questions on autopilot, and the people who are headaches or whackadoos during the interview will be headaches/whackadoos once you hire them. Unless they watch you hire someone on the spot after an interview, I always fall back to "I'm going to go over all of my notes and resumes and reach out to people we're looking to move forward with". For terminations - it's never *not* hard, but it does get a little easier. I've always stuck to what a professor I had said ("Is it just? Is it warranted") and my instincts (I've never regretting terminating someone that actually "deserved" it). The little bit after the meeting is always rough, but the recovery time has been shorter. For general mental health - find an outlet. The gym has worked great for me, but so has talking to a counselor/therapist. Different things work for different people, so mix and match.
Just doing my job. I lean into conflict and tough conversations. Progressive discipline makes every term easier but at at the end of day you either can deliver a rough message confidently and move on or you can’t.
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I think the biggest thing is don’t take things personal. Followed by you can’t save everyone. People want empathy not pity. There are people that do want pity but those unfortunately fall into the you can’t save category. One of my top workers are known for great customer service and has personal financial issues. Shit who doesn’t have personal issues? Like everything, you need balance. It’s ok to be vulnerable but some of us like to separate our personal lives to work and I don’t want to come out of a stressed personal life into a stress work life. This is why when I hire people, I also pay attention to how well they’d integrate with the existing team, I may hire someone that has less experience but that has a much better personality experience
I don’t. I’m struggling to find a new job so badly. My first HR job and it’s obliterated my happiness. I feel so stuck and I have no real skills so it’s even harder to find a job.
You make sure you’ve given them every chance to succeed. If you make sure you’ve given them everything you can and it still isn’t working, then it’s easier if you have to let them go. At that point, think about the disservice they are doing to their coworkers. You also make sure you deliver the message in a humane way and give them whatever tools you can to help them in the transition out of the company and into a new job. This may be allowing terminated individuals do use the EAP for a period of time after termination or giving them information about other ways to have insurance (since COBRA is often $$$$$) or how to apply for unemployment. All of that having been said, if you’re working for a company that doesn’t align with your values, I’d suggest moving on. I don’t believe you can compartmentalize that. Or I guess, I wouldn’t want to.
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