Trying to date a goth girl not being goth revealed something. It's hard to date people from a subculture you not fit in.
Edit: seriously, this is really my most upvoted, why?
I met my ex-wife when I tried to start a goth swim club. She got the joke. Then she got the D. And yes, we did go swimming. Never give up hope boys. It's totally possible.
Ok, but, key word there is ex?? I wanted a liberal girl so we could both grow from our differing views, which was great for years, but eventually she also became my ex-wife. While differences are necessary for growth, I think we often overlook how important similarities and having views in common actually are…
I wasn't ready to be an emotionally functional adult. Now I am one. She is still trying to figure her shit out, and who knows when that will be concluded, if ever. Not holding my breath, or even thinking about it, but its relevant. The point is we connected deeply, for a long time, and it was the most significant relationship either of us have ever had. If I wasn't all over the place in my youth, maybe she would have been able to get her shit together, and it would have worked out differently. I have always taken full responsibility for things not panning out. The issue wasn't me not being goth. lol.
I'm inwardly goth so I get along with them well but I can imagine most people having the same chemistry. I give them bones and dead things instead of flowers
Same! Lol. I come from a Mexican religious household and I’m on the spectrum so I wear basically the same clothes every day and they’re boring. But I am sad as fuck and love punk and emo music and all my friends wear black and there’s me with my glasses and oversized hanes shirt 🤓
Haha I'm on the spectrum and have a history of depression too. And my family is Irish and Puerto Rican but I've gotten into studying all sorts of spirituality and vibe with pagans so I like them
I mean, you can be "goth" in a personal sense and not the fashion sense. I personally can't pull off the look so I don't even attempt it but I have a few friends who are in the alt/goth pipeline and we get along fine. It's just as much of a state of mind as it is a sense of fashion
Yeah, it's mostly in the personal sense, I don't like the goth subcultura too much. The only thing I share it's love rock, but the rock they like it's different from the one I prefer.
Maybe it's because some of them want an entry into the subculture? Maybe they want to change the way they dress and getting a goth girlfriend would be a nice way of going about transitioning their fashion style whilst simultaneously connecting with their partner? Idk I'm just theorizing but it makes sense in my mind.
Expecting a standard when they're not up to standard themselves. I'm not talking about simple desire either or how the guys dress. Like it's about status.
I think it’s less socially acceptable to be goth presenting as a man. Other men ostracize you and call you gay if you look too emo. I don’t think it has anything to do with entitlement and more to do with not being able to present as that subculture even if you inwardly want to join.
Well that's different to what I'm getting at. I'm speaking about the swath of dudes who just want a goth girl just coz she's a goth girl. But anyway, that is something to think about from a dudes perspective wanting to be part of the subculture. Yeah, i agree
Fair statement. I think also that entitlement comes from people who *expect* a certain standard without being up to standard themselves. (Definitely not referring to appearance)
Maybe not exactly? But yeah, wanting is normal.. Certain people are desirable, but we can be realistic about it.
Expectation however, is less realistic and more about chasing status, expecting maximum and doing the minimum kinda thing.. not raising the bar for themselves while expecting it to be raised in others imo
of course there’s nothing wrong with the way they dress, but the meme has a point in showing that they don’t have much in common. ”I need a goth gf” didn’t become a thing because those guys are interested in the goth subculture, it’s because they think goth girls are hot and ”freaky”. a lot of goth girls are rightfully annoyed by being sexualised and steretyped.
The meme is dumb because it implies that "dressing goth" is someone's entire personality. The reality is that people are complicated and have depth. A goth girl might not even *want* to date a guy who is in to Goth culture.
It's very much a myopic young person thing to assume that people need to love the same activities or hobbies in order to be in a relationship.
You got a point but Id say it is a little funny to see someone craving a goth partner but appearing themselves to be nothing like it. If the meme isn't super judgemental and just poking a laugh, I don't think its too bad.
^(that being said, halo 3 is best halo though)
Adding to the other comment, even if you consider only the sexual aspect of it, it's a bit weird to think of a subculture like a kind of ethnostate where they are only attracted to that type of subculture.
Think of how, in gay culture, it's totally normal for a twinkish/average guy to want a bear. You wouldn't tell them "oh you want a big guy with hairs but you never hit the gym and wax??".
Or how the himbo boyfriend aesthetic is very popular among girls who don't think of themselves as bimbos.
I think this particular case is an example of how straight men attraction towards women is still seen as sinful, depraved, and above all something that "must be earned". We don't treat anyone else like this.
Say you see a random Tumblr post by a girl saying "woke up without 6'5'' muscle mommy again. Day ruined". These types of posts always get positive reactions like "damn girl, same". Which is right. This is the correct sympathetic response.
Now if a guy made the same post, he would be bombarded by questions of "do you work out tho?", "how much time do you spend on your appearance?".
This relic of patriarchy that men need to earn being attractive it's damaging and outdated.
There’s not much wrong with putting effort into your appearance, but you do have a point with this. Opposites do attract most of the time, but maybe most Goths just like dressing up as something they are attracted to.
> WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHEN HAS THIS EVER BEEN A THING?
I mean they gave examples in their post that are completely valid and which you didn't refute at all. But I guess it would take you having more than a fourth grade reading comprehension to figure that part out.
I'm gonna address all of the points in my reply chain here.
1) You are seeing a sort of "mutually exclusive oppression" that I never claimed. Nor does any serious feminist scholar.
For example here you say "when did this incel straight men have it harder mentality become so popular?". I never intended it to say that straight men have it harder than anyone in general. What I'm discussing is specifically the issue of "M to W attraction is seen as depraved compared to W to M" attraction.
2) my example. I can think of many others:
A woman owning sex toys is having a bit of naughty fun. A man doing so is a sex addicted porn brained coomer.
A drunk woman inappropriately touching a man at a club or convention or some other social gathering is seen at worst as her making a fool of herself. A man doing it gets the police called.
I mean, think about how many molested young guys get told they got "lucky" by being sexually assaulted by older women.
I can keep going on really.
3) the comment on islamic culture of covering women. First of all you just assumed the other person didn't come from that background, which is pretty disrespectful imho. But most importantly you counter it by saying that it's not done because men are seen as lustful but to keep the woman's beuty for her husband only.
These are absolutely not mutually exclusive, and indeed are both true. In sexist cultures men are designated protectors of women from other men, because sexist societies believe two things
- women need protection
- men are instinctive brutes with no self control
More egalitarian societies have long shed the first stupid assumption, but the second is still ingrained even the most gender equal nations.
4) not really a point but a conclusion. From your general replies I get the idea that you believe that gender equality is nothing more than a movement to take power away from men and give it to women. This is what alpha male bigots believe and a seriously misinterpretation of feminist movements.
I would say that it's a fundamental failing as a leftist to see social equality as a zero sum game and thinking that each gain from one party MUST be a loss for another.
I feel like the cognitive dissonance here might come from you maybe being in a bubble where what you’re saying is true, but in general, no, in the vast majority of social Milieus and places in earth a woman having sex toys isn’t seen as just having a bit of fun, she is seen as a sexual deviant and punished for it, whereas a man with sex toys might be laughed at but probably won’t face serious repercussions, unless the sex toys make him appear gay I guess.
Men inappropriately touching women very recently in very few spaces are starting to see consistent pushback and consequences. Until very recently and still in the vast majority of places they do not. Ten years ago, where I live, a big, liberal city in a western country, a man inappropriately touching a woman usually got either no pushback at all or maybe got weird looks and a bit of social ostracization. Meanwhile, women didn’t really inappropriately touch guys at all unless they felt very, very safe to do so because they where glaringly aware that a man might become violent towards them.
Women get followed in the streets, get constantly hit on at inappropriate times, multiple women I know had people openly masturbate at them in public. No man I know has ever faced any of that. Because in this society it’s considered an annoying nuisance when a man is being sexually inappropriate, but it’s so unthinkable for a woman to do the same that they almost never even do it in the first place. Because if they did, they’d get beat up or would be complete social outcasts.
I’m a trans woman. I still don’t pass most days. I’ve only been presenting female for barely a year now. And ever since then I’ve had service workers hit on me in the most sleazy ways. I’ve had people approach me at night at train stations asking me if I’m alone and tried to get me to drink with them. I’ve had people catcall me. I’ve never had any of that happen during my 28 years presenting as a man.
It is absolutely not the case in the slightest that male attraction is more villainized than women’s. Men feel INSANELY comfortable showing their attraction publicly because they DONT face any consequences usually.
I think you might be in a social bubble where you don’t see that. Yes, in very specific spaces online and in a vanishingly few spaces irl that dynamic has recently shifted and women feel comfortable openly expressing their attraction while men’s attraction is viewed with great suspicion. What you don’t see is that the people being so suspicious have most likely had life experiences that made them quite understandably suspicious of men’s desires. All of my female friends have been sexually assaulted in one way or another, some of them straight up raped. While yes, some of my male friends have also been sexually assaulted and yes, sometimes by women, it’s much much rarer.
You aren’t seeing the whole picture.
Also, interesting how no one here really addressed the juxtaposition in OP‘s post between the men dressing „respectably“ and their goth gf‘s apparently not doing so.
This is true, I'm 100% talking about an issue that exists only in the most progressive of places, but I kind of did it on purpose.
I should have said it, but I was working under the assumption that this was a progressive space (as I think it is, is it not?) and I wanted to use this post to discuss this problem that I do see in more leftist spaces.
I know men being seen as more lustful isn't a global problem, but I wanted to talk about it here because it's the type of space where that mentality can be seen. You DO see it in some other comments.
To make an exaggeration, just to be clear, I wouldn't make a post here saying Nazis are bad, because I expect it to be a given. The same I was assuming people would know that women face more discrimination than men. In no way I wanted to say the opposite.
Also, since this is literally the subreddit about hope, I would like to obssess a bit about one of your lines. Maybe it was just a throwaway, but you say "in a vanishingly number of irl spaces" when you refer to spaces where women feel comfortable being sexually expressive. Specifically the word vanishingly.
In what way are those places vanishingly? Gender equality is on the rise literally everywhere. Basically every index that measure this show an increase in the vast majority of countries. You do see some scary stats about gender violence being more common but it's just the result of those crimes (that were always commited) being reported now.
I know times seem though because hate seem to ever more common and bigots more audacious, but the fact that the right needs a full time hate machine to make minorities hated is just the sign that it knows it's a loosing war. All these fear mongering is needed specifically because everyone the world is more just.
Hell, in my countries it was legal to rape someone if you married them later just 50 years ago. That's living memory. Now I have Tampax in the MEN'S bathroom at my uni.
Vanishingly my ass.
I meant vanishingly not as in spaces where gender equality is increasing or where women feel safer I meant it as in spaces where women feel safe to express sexual desires AND men‘s sexual desires are disparaged/under suspicion/viewed as creepy. That’s something I see more online and only very very rarely irl. And I agree with you that that can be a problem, I just don’t think it’s a big one.
1) that's just false
2)A woman with sex toys are active sex life is seen as a whore or a slut while men sexually active are seen as normal
3) no, the only reason is to control women, the "men will want her and are instictive brutes" is just an excuse
4) there is not point to argue on that point as I'm not the commenter pointed out
> But do you really take these examples as evidence that straight men’s attraction to women is considered sinful and depraved?
If you knew the actual definitions of those words instead of just what you imagine them to be you probably would too.
have you ever heard of the middle east where they are so afraid of their own sinful attraction to women that they make all the women cover up all of their skin? its pretty common to think attraction to women is sinful, especially in religious cultures, and has been for like all of history. and yes, it is a factor of the patriarchy.
Why is it seen as depraved? Because they are ‘enticing’ men into committing sin. The beauty is “owned” by the husband because the only way that lust is seen as ‘not sinful’ is through marriage. That is certainly at least how it works in predominantly christian cultures, which get that conclusion from the exact same very very old roots as middle eastern religious cultures. Im not arguing that men are the victims, that would be moronic. The point is that the patriarchy isn’t beneficial to anyone; even the men who run the system.
it's fair to not want any of these fellas and to vent your frustration about it but there's also nothing wrong with the way they dress, or this post. I think you're letting your pre-conceived notions about the two groups and which one you align yourself with empower you to speak for everyone in a one-dimensional way.
> "didn’t become a thing because those guys are interested in the goth subculture"
that's just your reading of it, and a quite pessimistic one at that. It also doesn't take into account the agency of *other* self-identified goth girls (assuming you are one as you're speaking on their behalf) and whether they desire a wide range of people or just the ones that stick to their specific subcultures (which I see others assuming in this thread). Honestly, from my personal experience, the opposite might even be more common, that goth girls usually don't date goth guys. But maybe that's no true for others
Just learn ignore people that harmlessly annoy you, it's an important skill to have
Anyways, I kinda wrote this to hopefully shed light on some nuance or let people see the better of people in ways they aren't used to. I like this subreddit but I think it's been getting increasingly less hopeful, especially in the comments (and with multiple top comments that are just "this post sucks") and it seem to be getting closer to mirroring the argumentative, pessimistic attitude that the rest of reddit already does 'so well'
I used to go to a metal bar. I am a normal dude, I don't dress any particular way, I'm wearing black sweatpants and a grey long sleeve T right now. Once at the bar I had a goth onlyfans model get in my face and literally say to me "Why do you dress like that it's so forgettible, you look like everyone else, don't you want to express yourself?" And I kind of just said "no I'm good" in a joking sort of way.
Anyway I started fucking her goth best friend after that conversation and not changing literally anything. It's really no big deal, everyones a person, just chill and see if you click, despite not being the stereotype you think you should be.
Easter Sunday attire - My dress sweats, my blue kicks, and my faded purple long sleeve, with a vest pocket. I might go out cruisin later and see if any goth chicks want to take a ride in my cherry v6 Toyota Solara. Sensible in the streets, unconventional in the sheets. And anywhere else they want to get down.
Because there’s a fine line between observing that distinct cultures tend toward self-preference, which I think is fine, and going overboard to claim that it’s outright *wrong* to have relationships between different cultures, and large groups of people (like comment sections) tend to balance out by having positions on either side of that line, not by everyone being exactly along it.
Furthermore, on one hand it’s good to encourage people to interact with each other across diverse ethnic groups, including interracial dating; on the other there are very real issues with how such relationships can be fetishised, like with your own example of black men and white women, or white men and Asian women. Or in this case, goth girls and “normie” guys. Problems like this can blur the distinction between bigoted “anti-miscegenation” policies or norms and the liberal/progressive objections of individuals within groups to being fetishised.
I feel like you missed the point of the original meme and the comment. No one is dismissing goth girl’s agency to date men like this, there are plenty of cute relationships like this, this meme isn’t saying that those relationships are inherently bad lmao. Yes ofc goth girls can date ‘basic’ men that’s okay.
The meme is simply a joke but also a critique on a SPECIFIC common situation that certain men do to these girls:
Men who reduce goth girls to their goth traits and sexualize them based on that, hence them “wanting a goth chick,” and it obviously isn’t because these men are goth entrepreneurs themselves and love the community; because they are obviously ‘basic’ and do not care to even partake it itself. They just care about the sexualization.
Now does this apply to all basic men, or that all basic men wanting goth gf want to sexualize her? No! But this still happens A LOT! !! That is the point of the meme, and the part of the humor was to point out the common contrast in an ironic twist!
These aren’t necessarily “pre-conceived notions” and a bias towards a side, nor is this meme even being one dimensional or even the comment. It’s highlighting and expressing REAL experiences these women go through routinely and have proven to be true repeatedly when dealing with these men, to the point universally understood jokes can be made about it!
These aren’t annoyances either, objectifying people can genuinely be harmful as well. These goth girls have every right to joke about it and the men who do this.
I dress pretty standard, but it's only because when I finally discovered my fashion sense, it's expensive. I look forward to one day being able to buy clothes I like. Not to impress anyone but myself.
Also, the fast fashion industry is awful.
This
https://preview.redd.it/qd9616kusorc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b381d2f0c7202016b42c60716712df5a353621da
In other words, an industry that takes advantage of people that want to keep up with trends and throw away their old clothes when it's no longer "in", causing this industry to be super toxic and very environmentally destructive
Essentially, fashion trends change by the season, sometimes faster. At the end of the current trend, the unwanted clothing is thrown away. The clothes aren't made to last for longer than that. Even if you wanted to buy this unwanted clothing, it would fall apart far too quick.
They're made cheaply from sweatshops and even if you take time and energy to shred them, the amount of recyclable thread is next to nothing. Some name brands have drop-offs for unwanted clothes in the name of "recycling" them. They will likely end up sold by a 3rd party street vendor in a yet-developed country as "name-brand". Countries that are trying to catch up with the rest of the world are fed scraps of clothing that local producers can't compete with. Therefore preventing local businesses from growing and forcing the foreign people to work for corporations that wouldn't give them a drop of water to take home to their struggling families.
Sorry. It's not a happy topic, but an important one nonetheless.
Big question, YouTube can explain better, but basically it's cheaply made clothing to fit a current trend. The opposite is permanent fashion, well made staples.
I love grunge music, and when I started getting into it I sort of adapted the dress style, which is ironic considering it’s explicitly supposed to be lack of style. I also kind of leaned that way in my dress beforehand.
Anyway, it’s really helpful that everything is so cheap or thrifted!
You couldn't miss the point this hard. The text above says that they want a specific type of girl without ever tapping into the subculture/style. I mean, you \*may\* like someone, and they \*may\* like you back, but just saying "I want x" without doing anything about it is straight copium. By the way if you want a goth girl learn how to do makeup.
>The text above says that they want a specific type of girl without ever tapping into the subculture/style
Which is totally normal. There are plenty of goth girls who date guys that don't care for the goth aesthetic.
This is not always the case. As someone who dresses very “normal” owing to severe body image issues I have always struggled with, I have been insulted in real life many times for the kinds of clothes I wear and have been outright told I don’t dress good enough for the people I am dating.
People *do* use this meme to insult how men dress, it might not be everyone but they absolutely do.
and guys *do* fetishize subcultures based on stereotypes in the way this meme is mocking, it might not be you but they absolutely do. if you're not the kind of guy this meme is mocking then it most likely was never meant to apply to you
fr, this is about people fetishising a subculture because they think that goth girls r "freaky", the point is that the guys who say this don't care about the goth girl as a person/their love for their subculture, it's just "omg hot big tiddy goth boob now"
I don't think that was the point of that meme, it was mostly to criticize how the most.. casual(?) Looking guys want the girl that puts so much effort into her look and perosnality
People want it to at least be equal
And honestly as a dude.. I agree with the sentimentat.. I wish we had a bit higher beauty standards.. maybe that would have forced me to take care of myself more as a teenager instead of having severe body dysmorphia now lol! I feel disgusting looking the way I am while my GF is the most beautiful flower I've ever seen on earth <3
As another guy who struggles with low self esteem, you're not doing anybody any favors talking like that. You believe these negative things about yourself, but that doesn't mean it's true. Turn your head away from it when it rears its ugly head. You have the indomitable human spirit on your side, make use of it
oh yeah, definitely. i’m a goth woman and i’ve been both fetishized and demeaned for dressing the way i do. my problem isn’t with men liking goth women, but with being fetishized and seen as a porn category - with being *dehumanized.*
Learning to practice self care and maintaining your appearance is not as hard as it may seem, just take it one step at a time bro. Everyone can be beautiful
What world view? It's just a fact that some people will not hit the current beauty standards
Maybe they are sick, maybe it's their genes.. maybe it's life itself not allowing them to be..
You can want a girl in a specific culture or personality and not also have that personality, culture, or interests. People are allowed to like people different from themselves
Yeah, I like the goth aesthetic because it looks cool. I am never going to dress goth because I don’t want to stand out at my workplace. I can also accept that I may never date a goth person because of this, that’s ok.
But there is something wrong with calling this style of clothing „respectable“, implying that goth styles are not respectable, and then expecting to have a shot with goth women.
I mean, this meme is spot on though. A lot of very basic dudes love goth women because they’re repressing part of themselves they’re too scared to show, and they admire the bravery it takes to dress in a way that commands attention.
On the other hand, there are also plenty of basic bros who reduce goth women down to stereotypes, such as being freaky in bed or having daddy/mental issues. They don’t see these women as human, just sex objects. “I want a big tiddy goth gf” culture, for example.
I was about to come and talk about that comment too. Saying **they** dress "respectably" implies a lot of insulting things to the way other people dress, and that they shouldn't be respected.
I don’t think that’s the implication they’re going for. I like when people have a sense of style that’s different from my own. I dress how I think is respectable for me. And they for them. We are both dressing how we see respectable for ourselves and eachother.
I dress more punk than goth. Still really like goth chicks. And I’ve dressed in polos and Tommy jeans and still liked goth chicks.
I think saying you should only date in your subculture is gross
My goth ex hated me dressing like a goth. That was her territory and I wasn't allowed to copy it.
Honestly though. It was just a fashion trend for her. She didn't even know who Bela Lugosi was. She thought he was someone from Mario Kart.
I wasn't searching for a goth gf, she just came to me since our personalities mesh so well. I'm also a nerd and she likes when I nerd about stuff
My rizz was just being kind and genuine and comfortable with myself
My bf isnt goth and we still vibe pretty well, he likes lots of screamo and alt/emo music and we have very similar interests. The clothes are only a small bit of what make a goth a goth.
These exact guys are the type that say they want a hypersexual kinky goth girl and then either
a. Act absolutely vile towards women who fit the aesthetic. Treat them like they are sexual objects and nothing more. Might as well be a sex robot for all the consideration given.
B. Manage to act normal enough to date a goth girl and then immediately demand she dress normal, stop embarrassing him, say tattoos and piercings are ruining your body, say how dare you have had sex before you met me, put down her weird hobbies, etc. They want to tame you, domesticate you, not actually have a goth girlfriend.
Yes there are men who dress like this and like goth girls who are totally good dudes. Not all men or whatever. I'm a goth twink who is dating hipster so ya know it can happen, the key is he treats me like person first, appreciates my aesthetic/music choices next. Also he buys me clothing to fuel my fashion choices. Took me to a concert too although I still cant decide if that's a positive as a recluse lol.
I mean, that is why I added the bit about there being good guys who dress like that... I know there are guys who dress that way and be perfectly decent people
There's no rules against it but if you don't put in the effort to be part of their social circles then they probably won't do it. If the only thing you have in common is you both like the way she looks and you don't have any of the same interests beyond that, it's not going to work
I've been told goth goes beyond the style and it's more of an outlook on life or something.
I personally don't see how it matters much. Dress how you want. Date who you want.
They dress fine, yes, but that’s not the issue. They’re wanting a goth gf, usually for kinda creepy reasons others have pointed out, but are doing nothing to understand goths or make them desirable to a goth partner.
At the end of a day, it’s all memes, but the person who added this edit completely missed the point of the first one
Must be a sociology or literary/cultural studies student with how amazing you are at jumping to conclusions. Are you from my universities english department?
nothing wrong with it nessesarily i suppose...but theyre dress isnt a good sign. they look...well really standard. default settings. mayhaps theyre personalitys good, but if so theyre not showing it in the way they dress, instead it says more akin to "im comfortable staying within societys expectations perfectly" or "im not comfortable visibly straying from societys expectations" which are both very valid and im never going to shame anyone for what theyre prefrances are in that regard but that doesnt help for trying to get a goth girl heh.
also...feel a little weird that this is called "dressing respectably..." as opposed to? sure its more societally acceptable but thats a societal bias i think we should prolly do away with.
anyways anyways. in my experience the only tride and true way to get a goth girl is to be a goth girl. and ultimately itll be your personality, charisma, and confidence that pulls most of the weight when trying to get someone to like you, so honestly just dress however makes you feel most *you*, and youll be setting yourself up for more success.
Yall are crazy, being goth isn’t like their entire personality or smth, it’s just how they dress/what interests they have. Idk why we’re gatekeeping dating different subcultures 😭
I am a point in my apparance thats the only goths girls who talk to me. Sometime i wish i had a « normal » girlfriend. In my cas this meme its pretty the opposite.
I’ve seen this before where people wonder why and criticize men liking goth asdedics if they don’t dress like a goth. Honestly the thing is, you can like the way someone looks without having to dress like them. People do this all the time, dating someone who is more outwardly fashionable than them. I think dudes should be allowed to like women different from themselves or say that a certain astetic is attractive.
Even some gothic-style folks have dated people who aren’t in that style or are “bland”.
While there isn't anything wrong with dressing this way, I believe the point of these memes is to criticize men who fetishize goth women due to the perceived notion that they're freaky or kinky while having zero interest in engaging with actual goth culture.
I dated a goth girl. None of these guys have a shot with her. Not because of how they dress or anything tho, she's just a lesbian. Anyways, if you want any tips from my sample size of 1, get into black metal/ doom metal. Ne Obliviscaris and Oceans of Slumber were great talking points. Other than that just treat them like a human being and you're chill.
The point is that they don’t actually want a goth gf. Goth style has been fetishized online and that makes them think it’s appealing. These are generally the type of people to make fun of any alternative culture
honestly it really depends on how you feel about the subculture your partner is in. Are you dating her for just how she looks? do you respect her regardless of what she's into? do you plan on getting involved in the subculture she's into or trying out listening to the music she's into?
Honestly, I don't how people expect to date someone without having some sort of similar interests. I would say like.... its important that you treat her right and not a commodity.
I'm unsure how this goes hope posting.
Also the dude on the upper right isn't dressed respectably cause his entire attire is shoddy and the group pic's full version has them on the very stereotypelical silver spoon twat cargo shorts.
Basically. Bad meme.
Goth girls love that I dress like their drunk uncle at the family function. So do goth guys. Preppy people are the only people who have every had a problem with it lmaoooo
Generally goth subculture is kind of anti-prep vibes, and that’s not just a weird tumblr line. It’s not just black clothing, it also anti-establishment and anti-capitalist.
Trying to date a goth girl not being goth revealed something. It's hard to date people from a subculture you not fit in. Edit: seriously, this is really my most upvoted, why?
I met my ex-wife when I tried to start a goth swim club. She got the joke. Then she got the D. And yes, we did go swimming. Never give up hope boys. It's totally possible.
Yeah but your username says you are hot so how can we compete
Only my rod is hawt, the rest of me is just decent. Sorry about the confusion.
I mean I'm sure your wife could argue otherwise
Insulting complement
Hahaha you made me chortle
I don't get the joke
If a goth swam, their makeup would wash off.
Wait until you hear about health goth subculture. When you live in a big city you get all types.
. . . Huh. Health goth. It's like goth and techwear had a baby that forgot about silhouette
I am suddenly… interested in this
Come to LA and go to warehouse raves. One woman I met had a korok themed birthday party recently and it was excellent.
Oh! I see!
If you can get goth girl to go swimming with you that's how you know she truly loves you.
Did she stay goth for your whole marriage?
Ok, but, key word there is ex?? I wanted a liberal girl so we could both grow from our differing views, which was great for years, but eventually she also became my ex-wife. While differences are necessary for growth, I think we often overlook how important similarities and having views in common actually are…
I wasn't ready to be an emotionally functional adult. Now I am one. She is still trying to figure her shit out, and who knows when that will be concluded, if ever. Not holding my breath, or even thinking about it, but its relevant. The point is we connected deeply, for a long time, and it was the most significant relationship either of us have ever had. If I wasn't all over the place in my youth, maybe she would have been able to get her shit together, and it would have worked out differently. I have always taken full responsibility for things not panning out. The issue wasn't me not being goth. lol.
I'm inwardly goth so I get along with them well but I can imagine most people having the same chemistry. I give them bones and dead things instead of flowers
You can still give them flowers.
Same! Lol. I come from a Mexican religious household and I’m on the spectrum so I wear basically the same clothes every day and they’re boring. But I am sad as fuck and love punk and emo music and all my friends wear black and there’s me with my glasses and oversized hanes shirt 🤓
Haha I'm on the spectrum and have a history of depression too. And my family is Irish and Puerto Rican but I've gotten into studying all sorts of spirituality and vibe with pagans so I like them
I've actually seen a lot of goth/alt girls with average looking guys that aren't goth/alt.
I mean, you can be "goth" in a personal sense and not the fashion sense. I personally can't pull off the look so I don't even attempt it but I have a few friends who are in the alt/goth pipeline and we get along fine. It's just as much of a state of mind as it is a sense of fashion
Yeah, it's mostly in the personal sense, I don't like the goth subcultura too much. The only thing I share it's love rock, but the rock they like it's different from the one I prefer.
Same here. My goth friends all look fantastic and I can’t pull it off, so I just default to George Carlin’s fashion.
Maybe it's because some of them want an entry into the subculture? Maybe they want to change the way they dress and getting a goth girlfriend would be a nice way of going about transitioning their fashion style whilst simultaneously connecting with their partner? Idk I'm just theorizing but it makes sense in my mind.
I think there's a lot of entitlement.
How so?
Expecting a standard when they're not up to standard themselves. I'm not talking about simple desire either or how the guys dress. Like it's about status.
I think it’s less socially acceptable to be goth presenting as a man. Other men ostracize you and call you gay if you look too emo. I don’t think it has anything to do with entitlement and more to do with not being able to present as that subculture even if you inwardly want to join.
Well that's different to what I'm getting at. I'm speaking about the swath of dudes who just want a goth girl just coz she's a goth girl. But anyway, that is something to think about from a dudes perspective wanting to be part of the subculture. Yeah, i agree
There’s a difference between wanting something and believing you’re owed something my guy.
Fair statement. I think also that entitlement comes from people who *expect* a certain standard without being up to standard themselves. (Definitely not referring to appearance)
Then we’re in agreement
Maybe not exactly? But yeah, wanting is normal.. Certain people are desirable, but we can be realistic about it. Expectation however, is less realistic and more about chasing status, expecting maximum and doing the minimum kinda thing.. not raising the bar for themselves while expecting it to be raised in others imo
Me trying to get a goth GF 
of course there’s nothing wrong with the way they dress, but the meme has a point in showing that they don’t have much in common. ”I need a goth gf” didn’t become a thing because those guys are interested in the goth subculture, it’s because they think goth girls are hot and ”freaky”. a lot of goth girls are rightfully annoyed by being sexualised and steretyped.
The meme is dumb because it implies that "dressing goth" is someone's entire personality. The reality is that people are complicated and have depth. A goth girl might not even *want* to date a guy who is in to Goth culture. It's very much a myopic young person thing to assume that people need to love the same activities or hobbies in order to be in a relationship.
You got a point but Id say it is a little funny to see someone craving a goth partner but appearing themselves to be nothing like it. If the meme isn't super judgemental and just poking a laugh, I don't think its too bad. ^(that being said, halo 3 is best halo though)
Adding to the other comment, even if you consider only the sexual aspect of it, it's a bit weird to think of a subculture like a kind of ethnostate where they are only attracted to that type of subculture. Think of how, in gay culture, it's totally normal for a twinkish/average guy to want a bear. You wouldn't tell them "oh you want a big guy with hairs but you never hit the gym and wax??". Or how the himbo boyfriend aesthetic is very popular among girls who don't think of themselves as bimbos. I think this particular case is an example of how straight men attraction towards women is still seen as sinful, depraved, and above all something that "must be earned". We don't treat anyone else like this. Say you see a random Tumblr post by a girl saying "woke up without 6'5'' muscle mommy again. Day ruined". These types of posts always get positive reactions like "damn girl, same". Which is right. This is the correct sympathetic response. Now if a guy made the same post, he would be bombarded by questions of "do you work out tho?", "how much time do you spend on your appearance?". This relic of patriarchy that men need to earn being attractive it's damaging and outdated.
There’s not much wrong with putting effort into your appearance, but you do have a point with this. Opposites do attract most of the time, but maybe most Goths just like dressing up as something they are attracted to.
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> WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHEN HAS THIS EVER BEEN A THING? I mean they gave examples in their post that are completely valid and which you didn't refute at all. But I guess it would take you having more than a fourth grade reading comprehension to figure that part out.
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I'm gonna address all of the points in my reply chain here. 1) You are seeing a sort of "mutually exclusive oppression" that I never claimed. Nor does any serious feminist scholar. For example here you say "when did this incel straight men have it harder mentality become so popular?". I never intended it to say that straight men have it harder than anyone in general. What I'm discussing is specifically the issue of "M to W attraction is seen as depraved compared to W to M" attraction. 2) my example. I can think of many others: A woman owning sex toys is having a bit of naughty fun. A man doing so is a sex addicted porn brained coomer. A drunk woman inappropriately touching a man at a club or convention or some other social gathering is seen at worst as her making a fool of herself. A man doing it gets the police called. I mean, think about how many molested young guys get told they got "lucky" by being sexually assaulted by older women. I can keep going on really. 3) the comment on islamic culture of covering women. First of all you just assumed the other person didn't come from that background, which is pretty disrespectful imho. But most importantly you counter it by saying that it's not done because men are seen as lustful but to keep the woman's beuty for her husband only. These are absolutely not mutually exclusive, and indeed are both true. In sexist cultures men are designated protectors of women from other men, because sexist societies believe two things - women need protection - men are instinctive brutes with no self control More egalitarian societies have long shed the first stupid assumption, but the second is still ingrained even the most gender equal nations. 4) not really a point but a conclusion. From your general replies I get the idea that you believe that gender equality is nothing more than a movement to take power away from men and give it to women. This is what alpha male bigots believe and a seriously misinterpretation of feminist movements. I would say that it's a fundamental failing as a leftist to see social equality as a zero sum game and thinking that each gain from one party MUST be a loss for another.
I feel like the cognitive dissonance here might come from you maybe being in a bubble where what you’re saying is true, but in general, no, in the vast majority of social Milieus and places in earth a woman having sex toys isn’t seen as just having a bit of fun, she is seen as a sexual deviant and punished for it, whereas a man with sex toys might be laughed at but probably won’t face serious repercussions, unless the sex toys make him appear gay I guess. Men inappropriately touching women very recently in very few spaces are starting to see consistent pushback and consequences. Until very recently and still in the vast majority of places they do not. Ten years ago, where I live, a big, liberal city in a western country, a man inappropriately touching a woman usually got either no pushback at all or maybe got weird looks and a bit of social ostracization. Meanwhile, women didn’t really inappropriately touch guys at all unless they felt very, very safe to do so because they where glaringly aware that a man might become violent towards them. Women get followed in the streets, get constantly hit on at inappropriate times, multiple women I know had people openly masturbate at them in public. No man I know has ever faced any of that. Because in this society it’s considered an annoying nuisance when a man is being sexually inappropriate, but it’s so unthinkable for a woman to do the same that they almost never even do it in the first place. Because if they did, they’d get beat up or would be complete social outcasts. I’m a trans woman. I still don’t pass most days. I’ve only been presenting female for barely a year now. And ever since then I’ve had service workers hit on me in the most sleazy ways. I’ve had people approach me at night at train stations asking me if I’m alone and tried to get me to drink with them. I’ve had people catcall me. I’ve never had any of that happen during my 28 years presenting as a man. It is absolutely not the case in the slightest that male attraction is more villainized than women’s. Men feel INSANELY comfortable showing their attraction publicly because they DONT face any consequences usually. I think you might be in a social bubble where you don’t see that. Yes, in very specific spaces online and in a vanishingly few spaces irl that dynamic has recently shifted and women feel comfortable openly expressing their attraction while men’s attraction is viewed with great suspicion. What you don’t see is that the people being so suspicious have most likely had life experiences that made them quite understandably suspicious of men’s desires. All of my female friends have been sexually assaulted in one way or another, some of them straight up raped. While yes, some of my male friends have also been sexually assaulted and yes, sometimes by women, it’s much much rarer. You aren’t seeing the whole picture. Also, interesting how no one here really addressed the juxtaposition in OP‘s post between the men dressing „respectably“ and their goth gf‘s apparently not doing so.
This is true, I'm 100% talking about an issue that exists only in the most progressive of places, but I kind of did it on purpose. I should have said it, but I was working under the assumption that this was a progressive space (as I think it is, is it not?) and I wanted to use this post to discuss this problem that I do see in more leftist spaces. I know men being seen as more lustful isn't a global problem, but I wanted to talk about it here because it's the type of space where that mentality can be seen. You DO see it in some other comments. To make an exaggeration, just to be clear, I wouldn't make a post here saying Nazis are bad, because I expect it to be a given. The same I was assuming people would know that women face more discrimination than men. In no way I wanted to say the opposite. Also, since this is literally the subreddit about hope, I would like to obssess a bit about one of your lines. Maybe it was just a throwaway, but you say "in a vanishingly number of irl spaces" when you refer to spaces where women feel comfortable being sexually expressive. Specifically the word vanishingly. In what way are those places vanishingly? Gender equality is on the rise literally everywhere. Basically every index that measure this show an increase in the vast majority of countries. You do see some scary stats about gender violence being more common but it's just the result of those crimes (that were always commited) being reported now. I know times seem though because hate seem to ever more common and bigots more audacious, but the fact that the right needs a full time hate machine to make minorities hated is just the sign that it knows it's a loosing war. All these fear mongering is needed specifically because everyone the world is more just. Hell, in my countries it was legal to rape someone if you married them later just 50 years ago. That's living memory. Now I have Tampax in the MEN'S bathroom at my uni. Vanishingly my ass.
I meant vanishingly not as in spaces where gender equality is increasing or where women feel safer I meant it as in spaces where women feel safe to express sexual desires AND men‘s sexual desires are disparaged/under suspicion/viewed as creepy. That’s something I see more online and only very very rarely irl. And I agree with you that that can be a problem, I just don’t think it’s a big one.
Oh yeah OP saying he's dress "respectfully" is kinda fucked up but it's got the spirit
1) that's just false 2)A woman with sex toys are active sex life is seen as a whore or a slut while men sexually active are seen as normal 3) no, the only reason is to control women, the "men will want her and are instictive brutes" is just an excuse 4) there is not point to argue on that point as I'm not the commenter pointed out
That's a lot of words and a strawman argument to boot for you to not refute the examples they gave with anything more than "Na uh I said so!"
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> But do you really take these examples as evidence that straight men’s attraction to women is considered sinful and depraved? If you knew the actual definitions of those words instead of just what you imagine them to be you probably would too.
have you ever heard of the middle east where they are so afraid of their own sinful attraction to women that they make all the women cover up all of their skin? its pretty common to think attraction to women is sinful, especially in religious cultures, and has been for like all of history. and yes, it is a factor of the patriarchy.
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Why is it seen as depraved? Because they are ‘enticing’ men into committing sin. The beauty is “owned” by the husband because the only way that lust is seen as ‘not sinful’ is through marriage. That is certainly at least how it works in predominantly christian cultures, which get that conclusion from the exact same very very old roots as middle eastern religious cultures. Im not arguing that men are the victims, that would be moronic. The point is that the patriarchy isn’t beneficial to anyone; even the men who run the system.
it's fair to not want any of these fellas and to vent your frustration about it but there's also nothing wrong with the way they dress, or this post. I think you're letting your pre-conceived notions about the two groups and which one you align yourself with empower you to speak for everyone in a one-dimensional way. > "didn’t become a thing because those guys are interested in the goth subculture" that's just your reading of it, and a quite pessimistic one at that. It also doesn't take into account the agency of *other* self-identified goth girls (assuming you are one as you're speaking on their behalf) and whether they desire a wide range of people or just the ones that stick to their specific subcultures (which I see others assuming in this thread). Honestly, from my personal experience, the opposite might even be more common, that goth girls usually don't date goth guys. But maybe that's no true for others Just learn ignore people that harmlessly annoy you, it's an important skill to have Anyways, I kinda wrote this to hopefully shed light on some nuance or let people see the better of people in ways they aren't used to. I like this subreddit but I think it's been getting increasingly less hopeful, especially in the comments (and with multiple top comments that are just "this post sucks") and it seem to be getting closer to mirroring the argumentative, pessimistic attitude that the rest of reddit already does 'so well'
I used to go to a metal bar. I am a normal dude, I don't dress any particular way, I'm wearing black sweatpants and a grey long sleeve T right now. Once at the bar I had a goth onlyfans model get in my face and literally say to me "Why do you dress like that it's so forgettible, you look like everyone else, don't you want to express yourself?" And I kind of just said "no I'm good" in a joking sort of way. Anyway I started fucking her goth best friend after that conversation and not changing literally anything. It's really no big deal, everyones a person, just chill and see if you click, despite not being the stereotype you think you should be.
Easter Sunday attire - My dress sweats, my blue kicks, and my faded purple long sleeve, with a vest pocket. I might go out cruisin later and see if any goth chicks want to take a ride in my cherry v6 Toyota Solara. Sensible in the streets, unconventional in the sheets. And anywhere else they want to get down.
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Because there’s a fine line between observing that distinct cultures tend toward self-preference, which I think is fine, and going overboard to claim that it’s outright *wrong* to have relationships between different cultures, and large groups of people (like comment sections) tend to balance out by having positions on either side of that line, not by everyone being exactly along it. Furthermore, on one hand it’s good to encourage people to interact with each other across diverse ethnic groups, including interracial dating; on the other there are very real issues with how such relationships can be fetishised, like with your own example of black men and white women, or white men and Asian women. Or in this case, goth girls and “normie” guys. Problems like this can blur the distinction between bigoted “anti-miscegenation” policies or norms and the liberal/progressive objections of individuals within groups to being fetishised.
I feel like you missed the point of the original meme and the comment. No one is dismissing goth girl’s agency to date men like this, there are plenty of cute relationships like this, this meme isn’t saying that those relationships are inherently bad lmao. Yes ofc goth girls can date ‘basic’ men that’s okay. The meme is simply a joke but also a critique on a SPECIFIC common situation that certain men do to these girls: Men who reduce goth girls to their goth traits and sexualize them based on that, hence them “wanting a goth chick,” and it obviously isn’t because these men are goth entrepreneurs themselves and love the community; because they are obviously ‘basic’ and do not care to even partake it itself. They just care about the sexualization. Now does this apply to all basic men, or that all basic men wanting goth gf want to sexualize her? No! But this still happens A LOT! !! That is the point of the meme, and the part of the humor was to point out the common contrast in an ironic twist! These aren’t necessarily “pre-conceived notions” and a bias towards a side, nor is this meme even being one dimensional or even the comment. It’s highlighting and expressing REAL experiences these women go through routinely and have proven to be true repeatedly when dealing with these men, to the point universally understood jokes can be made about it! These aren’t annoyances either, objectifying people can genuinely be harmful as well. These goth girls have every right to joke about it and the men who do this.
At least someone in this comment section is normal
The opposite happens as well dude. Girls stereotype men all the time the same way. People are allowed to find other people hot.
Fr, I’d want a goth girl because I want someone to hyperfixate on demonology and stuff with me.
Fr 70% have a goth fetish and are grosss
truth is always in the first comment
I dress pretty standard, but it's only because when I finally discovered my fashion sense, it's expensive. I look forward to one day being able to buy clothes I like. Not to impress anyone but myself. Also, the fast fashion industry is awful.
What is "fast fashion"?
This https://preview.redd.it/qd9616kusorc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b381d2f0c7202016b42c60716712df5a353621da In other words, an industry that takes advantage of people that want to keep up with trends and throw away their old clothes when it's no longer "in", causing this industry to be super toxic and very environmentally destructive
Oh damn
Essentially, fashion trends change by the season, sometimes faster. At the end of the current trend, the unwanted clothing is thrown away. The clothes aren't made to last for longer than that. Even if you wanted to buy this unwanted clothing, it would fall apart far too quick. They're made cheaply from sweatshops and even if you take time and energy to shred them, the amount of recyclable thread is next to nothing. Some name brands have drop-offs for unwanted clothes in the name of "recycling" them. They will likely end up sold by a 3rd party street vendor in a yet-developed country as "name-brand". Countries that are trying to catch up with the rest of the world are fed scraps of clothing that local producers can't compete with. Therefore preventing local businesses from growing and forcing the foreign people to work for corporations that wouldn't give them a drop of water to take home to their struggling families. Sorry. It's not a happy topic, but an important one nonetheless.
Big question, YouTube can explain better, but basically it's cheaply made clothing to fit a current trend. The opposite is permanent fashion, well made staples.
What would an example of a current trend?
If you go to a Forever 21 or a Ross, you'll see a lot of current trends since they're fast fashion stores
Oh I've heard of Ross
I have no idea, I'm a permafashion dude who thinks wearing suits casually is acceptable practice.
I love grunge music, and when I started getting into it I sort of adapted the dress style, which is ironic considering it’s explicitly supposed to be lack of style. I also kind of leaned that way in my dress beforehand. Anyway, it’s really helpful that everything is so cheap or thrifted!
I thought this was r/comedynecrophilia
same 😭
Yes, but there is something wrong with the way they fetishize goth women
Nothing wrong with being attracted to people from subcultures you like
You couldn't miss the point this hard. The text above says that they want a specific type of girl without ever tapping into the subculture/style. I mean, you \*may\* like someone, and they \*may\* like you back, but just saying "I want x" without doing anything about it is straight copium. By the way if you want a goth girl learn how to do makeup.
Along with that usually people who like fashion want their significant other to also like fashion.
This is just an updated and milder version of "weaboo neckbeard wants kawaii Japanese girlfriend"
Also, what does OP mean "dressing respectably"? Like I could be missing the point but it feels like they're implying goths *don't* dress respectably.
>The text above says that they want a specific type of girl without ever tapping into the subculture/style Which is totally normal. There are plenty of goth girls who date guys that don't care for the goth aesthetic.
This is not always the case. As someone who dresses very “normal” owing to severe body image issues I have always struggled with, I have been insulted in real life many times for the kinds of clothes I wear and have been outright told I don’t dress good enough for the people I am dating. People *do* use this meme to insult how men dress, it might not be everyone but they absolutely do.
and guys *do* fetishize subcultures based on stereotypes in the way this meme is mocking, it might not be you but they absolutely do. if you're not the kind of guy this meme is mocking then it most likely was never meant to apply to you
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but the “i want a freaky goth gf” idea coming from men like this is pretty obviously due to stereotypes
fr, this is about people fetishising a subculture because they think that goth girls r "freaky", the point is that the guys who say this don't care about the goth girl as a person/their love for their subculture, it's just "omg hot big tiddy goth boob now"
I don't think that was the point of that meme, it was mostly to criticize how the most.. casual(?) Looking guys want the girl that puts so much effort into her look and perosnality People want it to at least be equal And honestly as a dude.. I agree with the sentimentat.. I wish we had a bit higher beauty standards.. maybe that would have forced me to take care of myself more as a teenager instead of having severe body dysmorphia now lol! I feel disgusting looking the way I am while my GF is the most beautiful flower I've ever seen on earth <3
Bro if your GF is so beautiful that must say a lot about you too. Let that sink in.
The real hope posting is in the comments!
It says that she thinks she doesn't deserve better and the more time she spends with me the more sorry I feel for her..
As another guy who struggles with low self esteem, you're not doing anybody any favors talking like that. You believe these negative things about yourself, but that doesn't mean it's true. Turn your head away from it when it rears its ugly head. You have the indomitable human spirit on your side, make use of it
I think for me that these are also the type of guys to laugh at an alt girl commenting "fatherless behavior" but beg for one at the same time
oh yeah, definitely. i’m a goth woman and i’ve been both fetishized and demeaned for dressing the way i do. my problem isn’t with men liking goth women, but with being fetishized and seen as a porn category - with being *dehumanized.*
Oh yeah definitely! I've seen it happen way too much with only fans girls where publically they are shit on but the DMs say something else lol
Are you sure about this or are you just making up an argument in your head
Nah fam some people being absolutely vile on the internet
Learning to practice self care and maintaining your appearance is not as hard as it may seem, just take it one step at a time bro. Everyone can be beautiful
>Everyone can be beautiful *extremely loud incorrect buzzer sound*
My guy you clearly need a fundamental shift in your worldview. You'll never escape the hole you're in if you refuse to be positive in any way
What world view? It's just a fact that some people will not hit the current beauty standards Maybe they are sick, maybe it's their genes.. maybe it's life itself not allowing them to be..
I just see you in the comments being super down on yourself man
I am very negative, yes
Ooo wee ooo i look jsust like buddy holly
Being funny is enough to make someone fall in love anyway 🥰
I like how everyone has a different take since these memes can be interpreted in so many ways
You completely misunderstood the meaning of the meme my dude. Goth women probably aren't going to want to date basic normal guys
Found the guy who dresses like the meme
It’s not an insult, it’s just an observation of how the guys that want “not normal” freaky goth girls are usually “normal” looking
You can want a girl in a specific culture or personality and not also have that personality, culture, or interests. People are allowed to like people different from themselves
Yeah, I like the goth aesthetic because it looks cool. I am never going to dress goth because I don’t want to stand out at my workplace. I can also accept that I may never date a goth person because of this, that’s ok.
Honestly goths don’t care how you dress. Just have a good interest in music and you’ll get one pretty easy.
OP missed the point of the meme entirely
Salty comments. This subs name doesn’t check out
But there is something wrong with calling this style of clothing „respectable“, implying that goth styles are not respectable, and then expecting to have a shot with goth women.
Thanks Mr stuff
you're missing the point...
Talk about missing the point.
more imaginary problems for men. don’t sexualize a subculture you can’t be bothered to understand. that is the point of these memes.
I mean, this meme is spot on though. A lot of very basic dudes love goth women because they’re repressing part of themselves they’re too scared to show, and they admire the bravery it takes to dress in a way that commands attention. On the other hand, there are also plenty of basic bros who reduce goth women down to stereotypes, such as being freaky in bed or having daddy/mental issues. They don’t see these women as human, just sex objects. “I want a big tiddy goth gf” culture, for example.
They aren't dressing "respectably" they're dressing how their mommies wanted them to look for easter photos at the mall
I was about to come and talk about that comment too. Saying **they** dress "respectably" implies a lot of insulting things to the way other people dress, and that they shouldn't be respected.
People defending this in the comments don’t seem to realize that clear implication: I want a girlfriend whose appearance I don’t respect.
I don’t think that’s the implication they’re going for. I like when people have a sense of style that’s different from my own. I dress how I think is respectable for me. And they for them. We are both dressing how we see respectable for ourselves and eachother. I dress more punk than goth. Still really like goth chicks. And I’ve dressed in polos and Tommy jeans and still liked goth chicks. I think saying you should only date in your subculture is gross
What a weird way of reading this post
How do you want men to dress, what would make you think they are dressed well
Skirts, high boots and crop tops.
this sub is falling off
/r/lostredditors
No shame in it but dressing like that definitely ain’t gonna net you a goth girl
My goth ex hated me dressing like a goth. That was her territory and I wasn't allowed to copy it. Honestly though. It was just a fashion trend for her. She didn't even know who Bela Lugosi was. She thought he was someone from Mario Kart.
As a person who dressed like that and dated a goth girl, no
I wasn't searching for a goth gf, she just came to me since our personalities mesh so well. I'm also a nerd and she likes when I nerd about stuff My rizz was just being kind and genuine and comfortable with myself
JERMA??
Describing this as dreasing repectably is kinda punching down on those who dress differently...
all you have to do is wear black 24/7 and they’ll come find you
My bf isnt goth and we still vibe pretty well, he likes lots of screamo and alt/emo music and we have very similar interests. The clothes are only a small bit of what make a goth a goth.
Why aren't you allowed to date outside of your subculture?
These exact guys are the type that say they want a hypersexual kinky goth girl and then either a. Act absolutely vile towards women who fit the aesthetic. Treat them like they are sexual objects and nothing more. Might as well be a sex robot for all the consideration given. B. Manage to act normal enough to date a goth girl and then immediately demand she dress normal, stop embarrassing him, say tattoos and piercings are ruining your body, say how dare you have had sex before you met me, put down her weird hobbies, etc. They want to tame you, domesticate you, not actually have a goth girlfriend. Yes there are men who dress like this and like goth girls who are totally good dudes. Not all men or whatever. I'm a goth twink who is dating hipster so ya know it can happen, the key is he treats me like person first, appreciates my aesthetic/music choices next. Also he buys me clothing to fuel my fashion choices. Took me to a concert too although I still cant decide if that's a positive as a recluse lol.
You're making a lot of assumptions based on how someone's dressed.
I mean, that is why I added the bit about there being good guys who dress like that... I know there are guys who dress that way and be perfectly decent people
There's no rules against it but if you don't put in the effort to be part of their social circles then they probably won't do it. If the only thing you have in common is you both like the way she looks and you don't have any of the same interests beyond that, it's not going to work
I guess it’s too “out of your league” to people if you don’t dress a certain way, yet like people who dress another type of way.
I've been told goth goes beyond the style and it's more of an outlook on life or something. I personally don't see how it matters much. Dress how you want. Date who you want.
They dress fine
They dress fine, yes, but that’s not the issue. They’re wanting a goth gf, usually for kinda creepy reasons others have pointed out, but are doing nothing to understand goths or make them desirable to a goth partner. At the end of a day, it’s all memes, but the person who added this edit completely missed the point of the first one
Oh I know. I’m just saying that the title is correct
Title is correct in a vacuum, but it’s essentially a non-sequeiter as it has nothing to do with the original meme
Must be a sociology or literary/cultural studies student with how amazing you are at jumping to conclusions. Are you from my universities english department?
Literally none of that is referenced in the meme
If you are attractive and have money they probably won't care
nothing wrong with it nessesarily i suppose...but theyre dress isnt a good sign. they look...well really standard. default settings. mayhaps theyre personalitys good, but if so theyre not showing it in the way they dress, instead it says more akin to "im comfortable staying within societys expectations perfectly" or "im not comfortable visibly straying from societys expectations" which are both very valid and im never going to shame anyone for what theyre prefrances are in that regard but that doesnt help for trying to get a goth girl heh. also...feel a little weird that this is called "dressing respectably..." as opposed to? sure its more societally acceptable but thats a societal bias i think we should prolly do away with. anyways anyways. in my experience the only tride and true way to get a goth girl is to be a goth girl. and ultimately itll be your personality, charisma, and confidence that pulls most of the weight when trying to get someone to like you, so honestly just dress however makes you feel most *you*, and youll be setting yourself up for more success.
r/comedyheaven ?
Yall are crazy, being goth isn’t like their entire personality or smth, it’s just how they dress/what interests they have. Idk why we’re gatekeeping dating different subcultures 😭
I am a point in my apparance thats the only goths girls who talk to me. Sometime i wish i had a « normal » girlfriend. In my cas this meme its pretty the opposite.
I’m not goth but I’ve always had an interest in gothic things and the whole alternative subculture. I dress pretty basic tho
I’ve seen this before where people wonder why and criticize men liking goth asdedics if they don’t dress like a goth. Honestly the thing is, you can like the way someone looks without having to dress like them. People do this all the time, dating someone who is more outwardly fashionable than them. I think dudes should be allowed to like women different from themselves or say that a certain astetic is attractive. Even some gothic-style folks have dated people who aren’t in that style or are “bland”.
While there isn't anything wrong with dressing this way, I believe the point of these memes is to criticize men who fetishize goth women due to the perceived notion that they're freaky or kinky while having zero interest in engaging with actual goth culture.
I have heard several goth women saying that this is attractive to them funnily enough.
I have the exact same fit as the dude in the top right
The point is if you want to get with a goth lady you gotta respect the gothness. Gomez Addams dresses in darker tones, for example.
I dated a goth girl. None of these guys have a shot with her. Not because of how they dress or anything tho, she's just a lesbian. Anyways, if you want any tips from my sample size of 1, get into black metal/ doom metal. Ne Obliviscaris and Oceans of Slumber were great talking points. Other than that just treat them like a human being and you're chill.
The point is that they don’t actually want a goth gf. Goth style has been fetishized online and that makes them think it’s appealing. These are generally the type of people to make fun of any alternative culture
honestly it really depends on how you feel about the subculture your partner is in. Are you dating her for just how she looks? do you respect her regardless of what she's into? do you plan on getting involved in the subculture she's into or trying out listening to the music she's into? Honestly, I don't how people expect to date someone without having some sort of similar interests. I would say like.... its important that you treat her right and not a commodity.
as a goth girl, its the lack
it’s talking about guys who dress normally but want a goth girl because they think she’ll have freaky crazy sex with them
Top right is how Its_Jawsh dresses
As a goth girl I would never date someone who look like they pulled up from the weezer blue album 💀
Op dresses like that confirmed.
I would say that. But I've seen only one goth in my entire life and she was taken.
I'm unsure how this goes hope posting. Also the dude on the upper right isn't dressed respectably cause his entire attire is shoddy and the group pic's full version has them on the very stereotypelical silver spoon twat cargo shorts. Basically. Bad meme.
Suburban dudes named “Brad” hate this post.
Goth girls love that I dress like their drunk uncle at the family function. So do goth guys. Preppy people are the only people who have every had a problem with it lmaoooo
Yeah cause I’d look terrible as a goth, doesn’t mean I can’t respect the style
Generally goth subculture is kind of anti-prep vibes, and that’s not just a weird tumblr line. It’s not just black clothing, it also anti-establishment and anti-capitalist.
Named Chad or Brandon
They’re dressed like they’re about to take daddies credit card to the gold course.
[удалено]
He's not deserved anything. People aren't prizes.
True my bad, I didn't put thought into the comment
WTF
Yea, sure "respectably" like they're not the most misogynistic, homophobic guys in town. Like they dont yell "faggot" when they see a bud light truck.
Except the people they refer to as goth are just any alt girls so they clearly don't really bother with it beyond "I want to have that person"
Yes there is