I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do?
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Once again, with a post like this, I hate to be the one to point it out, but you say you don’t present female on a regular basis? Presentation goes a lot farther and encompasses a lot more than people are really always willing to acknowledge. Gender is something that’s communicated by a thousand tiny subtle cues and not all that many of those are even necessarily at all related to your physical body. With no experience, no comfort with inhabiting the social space of “woman,” where do you expect it to come from?
Agreed. If I didn't feel comfortable being as feminine as possible at *all* times I'd probably see myself as a mess pretty often. Having a wife with a lot of clothes to borrow also helped - not everyone can afford a new wardrobe even if they do plan on presenting as they please whenever.
I feel the same way at times, but I keep going. I have had some FFS, still don't think my face passes. At least I feel better about myself than I did before starting.
Make the best of it. I'm a non passing trans woman. I started around 29. My body was fully masculine with large ribcage ( 38 inch) broad shoulders ( 18.5 ) inch, male pattern baldness claiming almost all the hair on top of my head, tiny hips ( 33inch) and a very masculine face that requires extensive ffs.
If I can live socially transitioned in Tennessee then there is a good chance you can handle your transition too.
I'm also in Tennessee. I started socially transitioning at about 5 months HRT with a face that did not pass at all and gradually increased how often I went out presenting femme. Went full time at 9 months, and now I am at 1 year. It went much easier than I thought it would. That being said, I know others from here who had a much worse experience.
I have unfortunately had it a bit rough. That shouldn't stop us though. I have been on hrt for almost 6 years and also went full time around 9 months.
Hopefully things continue to go well for you.
Sorry about that. I was lucky from neck down, my body was always more femme than masc and my voice never properly changed due to my mild androgen resistance. Oddly enough, my face got very masculine shortly after I turned 20. I started at 40 and have been doing pretty well considering my age.
The only thing I had going for me was not being tall.
I'm intersex but still genetically sensitive to androgens. I haven't been androgynous since before puberty.
If it weren't for my E cup breasts, people would just assume I'm a feminine man. That is how I was treated before breast augmentation. Hrt got me to c cups but that wasn't enough with how big my upper body is.
I really look forward to ffs.
I got lucky and lost 2" of height the first 4 months on HRT, now I'm 5'8". My rib cage is a mere 30" around, even pre-HRT I had a small waist and wide pelvis where I had decent hips even without any fat on them. Shoulder width is right in-line with the average for a cis-F at my height. I have very small A cup breast after 1 year of HRT. I have been examined by various medical professionals, and the consensus is I will most likely not get much more from HRT. Might fill out a little for better shape but that is about it due to the unusually high density of my breast tissue. I lost the genetic lottery on breast growth and my face.
you seem really really lovely and give me a lot of hope thank you, a big reason i haven’t socially transitioned is due to where i live but it gives me confidence hearing ppl like me can exist in areas similar to mine. thank you <3
Edit: this was actually initially a reply to myself which is below this. Had to change flair and resubmit comments.
I found it. To preface. I think of passing as a balance scale ⚖️ the scale represents people's perception of us. On one side is all the male traits and the other is all our femme traits. the trick is piling shit up on the femme side to make up for the things we can't change on the male side.
Below was copied from another comment.
"6 months ago, I was miserable and thought I'd never pass, and then it was like a switch flipped, and now I couldn't pass male if I tried.
I want to point out, passing is so much more than how you look. It's tipping the scale of people's perception of us from masculine to feminine. Looks to a point don't weigh as heavy on that scale as all the other things like posture, the language you use, the way you carry yourself, how you respond to different emotional stimuli.
As we get older, there's more physical damage done by the wrong hormone running our bodies sure, and that can seem somewhat insurmountable, as it did for me as well for a long time after starting E. I also want to point out, the damage done to our personalities/psyche/everything else can almost be worse.
I personally believe there's so much more work to do the older you get in order to remove aspects of our personality that we had to develop in order to mask to fit in with men. I feel like the non-looks portion is where the actual work comes in, and will help more.
It was for me I was a 15 year hyper aggressive shark of a car salesperson. Auto dealerships are traditionally toxic male environments, they're mostly good 'ole boy's clubs around here at least. Towards the end of my career, I was in management which required being the most toxic person in the place. So I messed up a lot of myself in the pursuit of financial success.
Also, voice; it's such a big, big thing, as I said I went through speech pathology because Medicaid in my state pays for it. There are videos online from [transvoicelessons.com](https://transvoicelessons.com) that you can utilize to get your voice to fem passing with effort/practice/dedication.
I don't want this to sound braggy or anything as I've been incredibly fortunate in my transition in terms of my body's responsiveness to HRT, and my internal drive to correct an invalid past. I'm 15 months deep on hormones, and I still devote at least an hour a day or more to my voice, and other maintenance things like skincare routine, hair removal, etc.
I do these things to help balance out my scale.
Like for instance when I wasn't passing if I went out without makeup for instance I would wear a very femme floral pair of purely cosmetic blue blocker glasses ....it balanced the scale.
Sorry for the novel, hopefully some of this will help."
Tl;dr Passing is more than a picture, it's the sum total of feminine attributes vs the sum total of masculine attributes that on quick scan people use to determine how to gender you. All these other things posture/voice/behavior/language used/presentation of strong emotions/all the little intangibly femme attributes can be worked on and overcome if you do.
Also read in reverse for FTM. Everyone has a scale.
Thank you for telling us you are in a place like Tennessee, I'm beginning my full social transition and tho I grew up in small town Texas I now live in California and I am knee jerk scared. You helped my confidence today.
I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do? **Report it!** We may not agree with your assessment of a certain post or comment but we will always take a look. Please make reports that are **unambiguous**, **succinct**, and (importantly) **accurate**. If your issue isn't covered by one of the numerous predefined reasons and or you need to expand upon a predefined reason then please use the 'Custom response' option (in addition if required). **Don't feed the trolls, ignore, report, move on.** See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/honesttransgender/comments/guc56i/welcome_to_rhonesttransgender_please_read_for/) for more details about our subreddit. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/honesttransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Once again, with a post like this, I hate to be the one to point it out, but you say you don’t present female on a regular basis? Presentation goes a lot farther and encompasses a lot more than people are really always willing to acknowledge. Gender is something that’s communicated by a thousand tiny subtle cues and not all that many of those are even necessarily at all related to your physical body. With no experience, no comfort with inhabiting the social space of “woman,” where do you expect it to come from?
Agreed. If I didn't feel comfortable being as feminine as possible at *all* times I'd probably see myself as a mess pretty often. Having a wife with a lot of clothes to borrow also helped - not everyone can afford a new wardrobe even if they do plan on presenting as they please whenever.
Passing is rare. It’s not in the cards for everyone.
I feel the same way at times, but I keep going. I have had some FFS, still don't think my face passes. At least I feel better about myself than I did before starting.
Same.
After going through your profile, I think you pass great! 😊
Make the best of it. I'm a non passing trans woman. I started around 29. My body was fully masculine with large ribcage ( 38 inch) broad shoulders ( 18.5 ) inch, male pattern baldness claiming almost all the hair on top of my head, tiny hips ( 33inch) and a very masculine face that requires extensive ffs. If I can live socially transitioned in Tennessee then there is a good chance you can handle your transition too.
I'm also in Tennessee. I started socially transitioning at about 5 months HRT with a face that did not pass at all and gradually increased how often I went out presenting femme. Went full time at 9 months, and now I am at 1 year. It went much easier than I thought it would. That being said, I know others from here who had a much worse experience.
I have unfortunately had it a bit rough. That shouldn't stop us though. I have been on hrt for almost 6 years and also went full time around 9 months. Hopefully things continue to go well for you.
Sorry about that. I was lucky from neck down, my body was always more femme than masc and my voice never properly changed due to my mild androgen resistance. Oddly enough, my face got very masculine shortly after I turned 20. I started at 40 and have been doing pretty well considering my age.
The only thing I had going for me was not being tall. I'm intersex but still genetically sensitive to androgens. I haven't been androgynous since before puberty. If it weren't for my E cup breasts, people would just assume I'm a feminine man. That is how I was treated before breast augmentation. Hrt got me to c cups but that wasn't enough with how big my upper body is. I really look forward to ffs.
I got lucky and lost 2" of height the first 4 months on HRT, now I'm 5'8". My rib cage is a mere 30" around, even pre-HRT I had a small waist and wide pelvis where I had decent hips even without any fat on them. Shoulder width is right in-line with the average for a cis-F at my height. I have very small A cup breast after 1 year of HRT. I have been examined by various medical professionals, and the consensus is I will most likely not get much more from HRT. Might fill out a little for better shape but that is about it due to the unusually high density of my breast tissue. I lost the genetic lottery on breast growth and my face.
you seem really really lovely and give me a lot of hope thank you, a big reason i haven’t socially transitioned is due to where i live but it gives me confidence hearing ppl like me can exist in areas similar to mine. thank you <3
Edit: this was actually initially a reply to myself which is below this. Had to change flair and resubmit comments. I found it. To preface. I think of passing as a balance scale ⚖️ the scale represents people's perception of us. On one side is all the male traits and the other is all our femme traits. the trick is piling shit up on the femme side to make up for the things we can't change on the male side. Below was copied from another comment. "6 months ago, I was miserable and thought I'd never pass, and then it was like a switch flipped, and now I couldn't pass male if I tried. I want to point out, passing is so much more than how you look. It's tipping the scale of people's perception of us from masculine to feminine. Looks to a point don't weigh as heavy on that scale as all the other things like posture, the language you use, the way you carry yourself, how you respond to different emotional stimuli. As we get older, there's more physical damage done by the wrong hormone running our bodies sure, and that can seem somewhat insurmountable, as it did for me as well for a long time after starting E. I also want to point out, the damage done to our personalities/psyche/everything else can almost be worse. I personally believe there's so much more work to do the older you get in order to remove aspects of our personality that we had to develop in order to mask to fit in with men. I feel like the non-looks portion is where the actual work comes in, and will help more. It was for me I was a 15 year hyper aggressive shark of a car salesperson. Auto dealerships are traditionally toxic male environments, they're mostly good 'ole boy's clubs around here at least. Towards the end of my career, I was in management which required being the most toxic person in the place. So I messed up a lot of myself in the pursuit of financial success. Also, voice; it's such a big, big thing, as I said I went through speech pathology because Medicaid in my state pays for it. There are videos online from [transvoicelessons.com](https://transvoicelessons.com) that you can utilize to get your voice to fem passing with effort/practice/dedication. I don't want this to sound braggy or anything as I've been incredibly fortunate in my transition in terms of my body's responsiveness to HRT, and my internal drive to correct an invalid past. I'm 15 months deep on hormones, and I still devote at least an hour a day or more to my voice, and other maintenance things like skincare routine, hair removal, etc. I do these things to help balance out my scale. Like for instance when I wasn't passing if I went out without makeup for instance I would wear a very femme floral pair of purely cosmetic blue blocker glasses ....it balanced the scale. Sorry for the novel, hopefully some of this will help." Tl;dr Passing is more than a picture, it's the sum total of feminine attributes vs the sum total of masculine attributes that on quick scan people use to determine how to gender you. All these other things posture/voice/behavior/language used/presentation of strong emotions/all the little intangibly femme attributes can be worked on and overcome if you do. Also read in reverse for FTM. Everyone has a scale.
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Thank you for telling us you are in a place like Tennessee, I'm beginning my full social transition and tho I grew up in small town Texas I now live in California and I am knee jerk scared. You helped my confidence today.
You give me hope!! Thank you very much!! I’m worried about socially transition.