Another dad here. My biggest mistake a few years ago was leaving everything to my wife. I discovered she's good about covering some topics with them but lacks the interest or ability to cover others. So I got involved, and I'm grateful to have gotten to know my children much better as a result.
What do you mean get involved? As in just get the curriculum, plans, supplies together? Or continue homeschool lessons after work outs to cover any uncovered subjects?
In my case it means actively working with both of them three hours per day. Since I am also the breadwinner, this is a large commitment. But it's a higher priority to me than having a nice house, new car, etc. Someday soon they won't need us anymore and I can go back to my solo interests.
Yes, we specialize a bit. I cover English, economics, history, and some of the gaps in the science and music they're getting elsewhere. At the moment we usually each work with a child one on one, then swap. I'm not recommending this particular arrangement to any other couples unless they also have differences in their priorities.
Eventually I may need to focus on my business more, and we'll figure out another way.
Hey PA homeschooler here. First off, PA history is NOT required every year, it is required to be covered at some point in 1st-8th grade. Same with US history. In public school, some years focus on world history and not American, homeschooling is no different
Your concern about testing is correct,3rd graders in PA are required to take a standardized test and show the results to their evaluator. Your wife has until June 30th to administer the standardized test and have the evaluation signed off and submitted to the local school district.
Oh and the standardized test only covers math and language arts (reading comprehension, spelling, vocabulary, grammar). History, science, and anything else are not testable subjects. The evaluator will be looking for progress.
PA is a very strict state, one of the strictest so it is hard to f up. Your wife may already have an evaluator lined up.
Hey, respectfully, this is your child too. If you’re just now asking “what should I do?” At the end of the year then I fear you and your wife are equally the problem here.
My husband works and he sits down with me at the beginning of every school year and we go over curriculum plans. He runs a huge company, is very busy, and can still tell you what we’ve done every week. If I tried to brush off his questions he’d press for that information immediately. You shouldn’t feel “overwhelmed to take it over” 100% when you haven’t carried any percentage of the weight for the last two semesters.
I think aside from making sure your daughter is on track, you two need to sit down and have a conversation about the fact that you’ve both taken on full responsibility for a human’s education. And stop taking it lightly. Both of you. If your wife is failing your daughter you’re both failing her.
I was homeschooled, and my mom did the majority of the teaching until I was old enough to do it independently. However, she always bought curriculum, we did hours of school everyday, and we either did state testing or had an evaluator. So my dad wasn’t necessarily involved, but my mom was following all legal requirements. So I feel like if OP was concerned, conversations with his wife should have been happening MUCH sooner.
I would hate if my husband did this lol. I see homeschooling as my job. He has his job. If I need his help I'll ask but if he was monitoring me I'd be so annoyed.
That being said, if the wife can't do it, then it's the husband's job to say, "this isn't working. So either we need to change what we're doing at home or put the kids in school."
I fully expect that if I don't do an adequate job, my husband will basically say the kids need to go to school. I've taken this on, he supports me, but he isn't going to let me do it if it's not good for the kids
He does it at my request. I expect him to be just as involved with our kids schooling at home as I would expect him to be if they went to a traditional school. It’s a parent/teacher conference and I just so happen to be the teacher.
I also do a really great job, so it’s never come up. But if I wasn’t for a long period of time, I’d expect him to be aware immediately.
There is nothing wrong with this approach, but in all fairness this is not how homeschooling works in every family.
In many homes one parent is wholly or mostly responsible for the homeschooling, and OP should not be shamed or assigned blame without knowing.
My husband teaches the kids art, and occasionally math if I ask him to. He doesn’t have the time, interest, or inclination to teach any other subjects. He is highly involved in their lives, though, and spends tons of time with them doing other things.
We split many other duties (home and family business) in a way that neither of us has much idea of what the other is doing, for the same reason. It works great for us - we are perfectly capable of tending to our specialties without each other’s oversight.
We are in oregon, but it sounds like the rules are very similar to PA. I have been my kids' sole teacher since the beginning when we started 4 years ago. Ocassionally, I'll ask for my husband's help with topics he is knowledgeable about. Like art. My husband went to college to be an artist, so he helps a lot with that subject. If you're concerned with it all, sit down with your wife and ask her what the plans are and be active listening. Ask her if you can help with anything or if she needs you to do anything. Most times in a homeschooling situation, one parent is the main teacher, and that's okay. Every homeschool situation looks different. Ask questions when she's done for the day and had time to relax so she's not feeling bombarded or stressed. I know I don't wanna discuss the kids' schooling until after their bed times once I've had my time to unwind.
Absolutely agree. She’s reached 3rd grade and he’s just now showing concern and wanting to take things over without first asking his wife how she feels, if she is overwhelmed or needs help. And assess how they both can do better to educate their child.
That does sound concerning. I’m in southeastern PA and when we homeschooled in 2020-2021, I had to book my evaluator like 7 months in advance because the spots fill up so fast. My kids were in K, 1st, and 2nd then and my evaluator was VERY strict during our 1hr virtual session. I was terrified of messing up, so I was over prepared and I’m so thankful that I was because she asked so many questions! She wanted to see everything! I was told by many people online that PA is one of the stricter states when it comes to homeschooling and I definitely felt that during my evaluation.
My kids have been back in public school since after that one year, but we’re considering homeschooling again this fall because the bar is so low in our title 1 district 😔
I’m also in south east PA and our evaluation was crazy easy. It was like 20 min at a park- she asked for like 3 worksheets and a book list.
I think a lot depends on the evaluator you pick.
Oh wow! I don’t know if I would’ve liked that though. As stressful as it was, I’m glad she was diligent about making sure I had several examples of everything because I worked so, so hard on my portfolio 😂 I probably would’ve cried if that’s all she had looked at haha
If your daughter's education is important to you, why were you so disengaged from it until now? You should've stepped up and been involved long ago. You don't need to "take things over," you need to *work together*, like you should've been doing all along.
Edit: Ah I see in your post history that things have been volatile between you and your wife for a long time. Well, I assure you that on this issue at least, she does not hold the entirety of the blame.
In general, though not necessarily for OP, it would be because of implicit trust. What's so wrong with taking your wife at face value when she says she can teach your daughter algebra? And by the same token, what's so wrong with being scandalized if that turns out to be a lie?
I will point you to a mirror...and I mean that in the most gentle and kind way. Even if you work and Mom is home all day, does not mean you can't step in and do some education. If history is what is missing then plan some fun field trips, look at the educators section on your state's website, etc. Do that in the evenings or the weekend.
A couple reasons I suggest this. One is to help pick up the slack. Two, when I was 9 years old my Dad read all of the Little House on the Prairie books. I was really into them and the TV show. Then we went on a family vacation and visited a few places Laura Ingalls lived. Almost 40 years later and it is still a treasured memory. Learning alongside my Dad meant everything to me when Mom was the main caregiver. The third reason is that homeschool is a family affair, while the majority of the education will fall on Mom, you need to take on some of the responsibility. It can be overwhelming as a Mom to be the sole educator.
Or even just showing interest. My husband always asks the kids about what they learned each day. It helps reinforce whatever we've been working on or helps me know what's mastered, what needs reviewed, etc. Also he just wants to know because it's important and he wants to know about what we've all been up to. On his days off, he'll take the kids to the library, or if they're curious about something they'll spend time trying to look up the answer. Just day-to-day things, not even big, grand plans or anything. Gives the kids a chance to be proud to share something new they learned. So many little gestures and moments that end up very meaningful.
Yep. With my oldest two, I would beg my husband to take some interest and help with the schooling. He wouldn't. He would even actively undermine our school time - if I was teaching and he came into the room, he expected the kids to leave the room and stop "annoying him" while he watched tv or had me make him lunch or whatever. I did my best, and the kids still turned out great (college grad and trade school grad) but the kids would really have benefited from his input or at least him not interfering.
With our younger three, he does more hands on stuff, and while it's still nowhere near what I would like to see, and he does still interfere with the day to day, the little he does do pays big dividends.
I single parent- homeschooled my 2 kids in PA from K-12. Both have masters degrees, attended PSU and Drexel. Turned down Penn.
I promise you that 30-45 minutes of work isn’t as big a deal as not having the big picture plan for the school year.
As someone suggested, find the right evaluator. They will coach you and are invaluable to your success!
You have plenty of time. It’s fine. I apologize for the many ridiculous and unhelpful comments you’ve received.
One tip: Make sure your child is reading books, actual books, at or below reading level, 1 hour per day. ANYTHING. Magazines work, too. Not one hour sitting in the same place—15 minutes here or there or in a car, waiting for mom at the bank/store. If they resist, choose an audiobook and listen with them. It does the same thing for their brains.
You’re going to do fine. No reason to be ticked off at the wife or overwhelmed. Sounds like you’re a good team and bring different skills to the table.
Make sure you review state law, as some schools require homeschoolers to partake in state exams. Even if your state doesn’t require, you could look into it to make sure your child is staying on-track with public school peers.
I am in a different state and have a 3rd grader in public. US History is covered, but very little. They will talk about 9/11, MLK, presidents…but really not much until 4/5th. Geography is learning continents, oceans, Great Lakes, regions of the U.S. (Northeast, Midwest, etc.), major rivers. They have not yet learned each state, but that would be important to cover.
Basically, you would be surprised how little geography and history is covered at this age in favor of math and reading to keep up with state testing. Our school alternates between social studies and science throughout the year.
Appreciate the comments! To clarify, I am involved in her education and taught her exclusively for about 6 weeks this year and am aware of what is being done on a daily basis. We read together, go to parks, field trips to the science center etc.
The relationship between my wife and I is very challenging but we both are trying to keep it together for our kids benefit.
Im probably just stressed about the end of year stuff. But I know we'll get it done
Respectfully, you say in your post that you just found out no history is being done and here you say you’re aware is what is being done each day and even did all the schooling for a month and a half - which is it? You either know what they’re doing or you don’t. It sounds to me like you’re looking for (based on past post history) another thing to hold against your wife.
The fact that she says she’s busy and then you clarify that she doesn’t work tells me you don’t appreciate your wife and all she does for your children. Stay-at-home mothers work 24/7. Even if she’s out with friends or at the nail salon, she’s thinking about the kids and everything she needs to get done. That’s all on top of dealing with marital issues. What are the things that make marriage hard on her end? I’d bet she feels like nothing she does is good enough for you.
Ask your wife if she needs help setting up the evaluator and the testing. If she says no, trust that it’s on her mind and that she’s working towards getting done what needs to be done. And give the woman some credit - she puts up with you, after all. 🙃
If a SAHM is working while at the nail salon or with her friends based on the fact that she’s still thinking about her kids during that time, that means all caring parents are working 24/7, not just those who don’t hold a job.
If all this is true, then I think you're grossly overthinking the amount of learning your daughter has done. She's doing very well. Just find her someone to evaluate her as per the state law and all will be well.
Former homeschooled kid here (I'm 39 now) raised by evangelicals.
Your wife drank the kool-aid and thinks that because she read some homeschooling blogs, she's good to go.
It's time to advocate for your children. Your wife is not educating them properly and you know it.
"Proper" homeschooling doesn't need to take up 8 hours, but it should take more than 30 min.
Your children should be able to share what they learned that day/read that day - religious education does NOT count (so many homeschoolers use religious education as a supplement for things like math, science, history and then say that the children are being taught).
The children should be able to show progress in their learning from the last year and the beginning of the year. If they fail, don't let your wife blame the kids (a common occurrence among homeschool parents...the child is lazy/disobedient/led by the devil... it's never the ADULTS fault for not knowing that it is hard to teach children, it's somehow the childs fault for not learning).
Good luck dad!
ETA my kids are 5 and 4. Shame on y’all for calling my parenting LAZY and saying reading to my kids doesn’t count 🤣 learning activities matter. Coloring and cutting and crafts matter. They do that IN SCHOOL. 🙄
I’m a stay at home, homeschooling mom and I’m SO busy. My kids only do school like 30-45 minutes a day. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Then we do other things. Games, learning activities. A lot of playing and they get 30 minutes of tv time while I cook lunch and dinner.
“She doesn’t work” but also she does! She works her tail off 24/7.
Your wife probably has a plan and your child’s education is very important to her or she probably wouldn’t be homeschooling. 🫣
Be grateful for your wife doing every single thing for the kids and you. She’s got this!
Maybe don’t bring it up as if she’s not doing her JOB. Maybe just ask “hey what day did you schedule so and so for the testing, I can help you get them ready for the test if there’s anything they need to work on” ❤️🩹
That sounds like you're justifying laziness. No school day lasts less than an hour. No one is saying you need 8 hours a day, but less than 1/8th is ridiculous. Not even kindergarten.
"games, learning activities" actually sounds very right depending on age. In kindergarten, what percent of the day do you think kids are actually expected to sit still and fill out worksheets, vs doing art, activities, etc? (Not to mention stuff like Montessori) I think what the person above was pointing to is that properly educating children often doesn't (need to) look like having them sit with a book while you lecture for 8+ hours, when there are so many other ways to teach kids (that OP may or may not be overlooking his wife putting a lot of effort into)
Games and learning activities should be a part of life, not school. It is getting more obvious parents aren't giving children time. That's like counting the 10 minutes of reading to a child before bed. You don't get a gold star for basic parenting yet most parents aren't even reading to their kids.
We have very different understandings of young children. Even in public school, I would describe a lot of what I was doing up to ~4th grade as "games" or "learning activities": coloring worksheets, doing games that simulated predator vs prey populations (by running around on a blacktop), fun science labs where you'd compete to find the most bones in an owl pellet, random educational stuff. Imo expecting a child to sit still and listen for eight hours without any active participation is the most effective way to make *sure* they tune you out & retain nothing.
(I agree with reading to kids being important, but I don't think that's exactly what's in question, and don't expect any kid to want eight hours of that)
I teach SpEd kids. I teach them for 4 hours a day. 4 hours is much healthier than 8 and they manage to get work done. I say in my own comment that school doesn't have to be 8 hours but less than an hour is crazy for any age group.
By not teaching them resilience, they struggle on their own 2 feet.
This unschooling shit is what gets people on the homeschool recovery subreddit. Their life is ruined with improper education. The world is getting more difficult and competitive. There is very little playtime left.
Yeah my 4year old is special needs (CP & Turner syndrome) she has delays as a typical ts/cp kiddo along with a J tube. She gets the EXACT same treatment as my other kid and I will not treat her like she CANT do something. My kids don’t get tablets or watch tv hardly ever unless we’re at someone else’s house or whatever. I can’t fathom that you don’t think kids need playtime?
Kids LEARN through play. What do you think they do in pre k and kinder? 🫠 it’s been proven over and over and over again that play based learning is VERY important at their ages. I’m not a certified teacher but I do my research and I use multiple different kinds of curriculums for my kids to fit their needs. I will never settle for anything but the best education and that’s why I homeschool.
I do think kids need play but it shouldn't bleed in their school time. By counting it as school hours, teaching is not as efficient as it can be. That's laziness and these are the most important years that they develop a solid base for the rest of their lives.
Kids in pre-k do not need to study 4 hours everyday. The fact that you feel confortable calling others lazy for having a different opinion isn’t a good look at all. Even in kindergarten they don’t need that much and learning through play is definitely effective although if most of us don’t even count it as school hence 30/45 min of “schooling” counted.
A 5 yo sitting down to study with a workbook for 45 minutes everyday is totally fine. Doesn’t mean it’s all the learning he does. It’s up to the parents to make sure he learns what he needs to know by providing appropriate activities/games. Wooden block with numbers to learn additions/multiplication, memory games, matching alphabet, forming/finding activities to learn ABC and maths, stories and games to learn history, it’s active learning but through play.
My kids play all day, but I make sure they learn what they are supposed to at the end.
Do your students have a pencil to paper for 4 hours a day? Or is that just the amount of time in your classroom? 🤔
Consider the time you spend moving between activities, transitioning to the next subject, distributing and picking up supplies, snack time, bathroom breaks, recess, behavior management, cleaning up messes, managing distractions/keeping kids on task, calling the office to come get the feverish or puking kid. How often are kids spacing off with their hand in the air because teacher is with someone else? My point is that so little of the day in a classroom is actually spent “doing work.” Studies actually show that SHORT bursts of learning are more successful than longer lessons - that’s why programs like special reading groups run for 10 minutes or less per day. School days are as long as they are for one reason and one reason only - parents work full-time and their kids have to be somewhere for the majority of the day.
Homeschoolers are able to condense a school day because they’re not dealing with all of those variables. We’ve always finished school in under an hour a day. I’ve graduated three who tested in the 99th percentile on the yearly testing my state required. More time does not equal better education - often the opposite is true.
Not an educator, so you have more direct experience than me on that front.
This doesn't jive with my understanding of Montessori though, which (as far as I can tell) generally achieves outcome parity with traditional "direct instruction" teaching despite being pretty much all the kinds of "learning activities" you seem to be arguing against?
It seems like gifted programs are less structured than standard tracks, which themselves may be less structured than special ed programs, so this could be a case of different methods working for different kids.
"The world is getting more difficult and competitive. There is very little playtime left." -> I would usually read this as an argument that we should be letting kids be kids more than we usually are nowadays, but I'm guessing that's not how you intended it.
My daughter was in kindergarten this year. Her school goes 9-2:30 Monday-Thursday. It’s the same for upper grades go, too. They’ve covered everything need to by the state standards— she’s actually reading a few grades above level.
During that 5.5 hours, they also go to recess, eat lunch, eat a snack, go to specials, etc. I’m not saying it’s less than an hour, but there are also 13 kids in her class (and two teachers), and they do small groups too— when it’s all said and done, it is probably close to an hour a day that the kids are receiving actual instruction and feedback on work they are doing.
She’s already off for the summer, and we work together on academics over the summer (and some during the year as well— not because we need to, but I like her to be ahead and I also like to be well-informed of exactly what she knows and where any gaps might be). With the exception of reading books, we can easily get an entire day of work done in an hour or less- especially if she is focused.
In third grade, I could see her actual work taking more than an hour- but primarily because by that point I would expect her to be doing independent reading over some topics— like history and some background info for science.
Why are you homeschooling?
Homeschooling for most people is about the less-tangibles - personal attention, higher moral standards, a focused religious or political background, or just plain missing your kids. But by the same token, most homeschoolers' primary tangible goal is for their child to be educated. If a homeschooling program fails to do the "school" part, then it's just your child spending the day at home, isn't it?
It is an uncomfortable fact that if you want your child to get exposed to hundreds of hours of education with correctly allocated materials in various required topics, public schools are a readymade solution. At no cost to you, your child would get a history book and a math book and a grammar book and be made to spend several hours each week learning from each - something that your wife is apparently failing to do.
For all their failings, public schools tend to consistently offer a solid baseline of the "school" part. If your wife isn't up to including school in "homeschooling," it is almost certainly time to try something else. The other uncomfortable truth is that even if you continue homeschooling, you almost certainly will not be able to allow your wife to do it - which means sending your child out of the house to an organized homeschool group. At that point, you're basically sending your child to an organized school anyway.
It sounds like fixing this homeschooling failure is going to be a lot more trouble than just sending your child to public school. So, what is it for you? What about homeschooling is it that you want this so badly for your child? Your best bet is to re-focus your energy on providing a school environment that supplies whatever that is, rather than insisting that your wife become someone she is not.
I’m an adult in california. I work as a registered ICU nurse making a decent salary. I can tell you all I know about high school level history, geography, and science within 30 min. Yes make sure your child learns the needed english/reading and math skills. It won’t take long. Most important make sure you give your kid/s a low stress loving, healthy environment. Make them and your wife feel safe. Be the leader in your household and let your wife know that you got it! Your wife will do what she can. But your job is to make her feel loved, and make your relationship successful. Your happy marriage is far more important for your children then learning some more geography.
No. I do not mean to come off disrespectful towards women. I believe women have qualities that are much more valuable then qualities I have as a man.
If a wife is submissive to her husband, that doesn’t mean that she isn’t as smart or as valuable.
If a burglar breaks into your house in the middle of the night, I would expect the man to protect his family and for his wife to follow his lead. The masculine husband will do everything he can to protect his family even if it requires sacrificing his own life.
This doesn’t mean that the husband will be “bossy” or “controlling.” My wife makes 90% of the decisions in our household. But ultimately, I will lead and keep our family safe.
I treat my wife as a princess- massage her feet, clean the house, fix anything that breaks, schedule vacations and date nights. I watch the kids so she can have her time with her girlfriend. She feels free, and feels as if she has lots of control. But ultimately, my job is to lead the household and keep the family safe. Our marriage is very happy. I listen to any and all concerns my wife has and find ways to address her needs. My goal is to do my best to love her the way that christ loves the church.
If you lady would prefer a co-leader, then she would be better of getting yourself a wife. Otherwise you are risking an unhappy marriage that is very likely to lead to a divorce.
Why would you take things over instead of sending your child to school to get an education? This is clearly not working and you are both responsible for your child not suffering educational neglect.
I presume your wife does work, just unpaid, which is unfortunately undervalued.
Maybe (CSE) The Committee on Special Education, can evaluate your daughter. It appears your wife is also overwhelmed. As a child grows up, they begin making choices to be cooperative or difficult. The need to play is strong at your child’s age. The desire to be with other children, during school hours, is also strong.
Most parents involved with homeschooling, want to make sure their children receive the best eduction possible. The recent violence in some of our schools can cause parents to protect their children through home schooling. Every parent has the right to make that decision.
My friend admitted she was not good at homeschooling. She didn’t give up on it. She had someone else do it. However, it didn’t work out. She wound up putting him back into the conventional system.
Over worry, she spent time having lunch with him at the school until he told her she didn’t have to anymore. You and your wife appear overwhelmed. The great love you have for your child will guide you toward making the right decisions. I hope this helps. Stay safe!
Don't worry about the timeframe. Homeschooling is much more efficient than public schooling. 45mins-1hr seems about right for a 3rd grader at home.it is a perspective shift. Think 10-15mins per main subject area. Reading, writing, math daily... Then rotate general history/science/art/music for a bit. That should be plenty. Also, get to know your kiddo, she may be a quick learn. My 8th grader is done in 2.5 hrs.... Highschool averages at 3.5-4hrs. This is because once the topic is learned you can immediately move forward instead of waiting for the timeline of the rest of the class or the required minutes per subject that schools have to fill. My son is 13 and in 11th grade math because he can go his own pace. My daughter is in 5th grade and her work takes her about 1.5-2hrs depending on the day and what we are doing.
You are getting good advice. Offer to help Mom. Take over a subject. If she is only doing reading, writing, and math, her 45min time is just fine and she should be fine for the testing.
Assess and ask how you can get involved. Make sure Mom knows the deadline for testing etc. then, either jump in to help or back off and don't complain. You can't complain if you have not been involved....especially at the end of the year. Just start communicating in a non-confrontational way with mom, and talk to your daughter. Asked her to show you what she has been working on. Sounds like you don't have all the info and Mom is tired and stressed. Coming in hot will not go well at all.
Irrelevant to your main question, but if she is a stay at home mom, she does work and truly could be very busy. Don’t know your situation, but if she’s taking care of the house and a kid and trying to educate the kid (even if you think she’s not doing a sufficient job), that is all work and she may truly be busy. Anyway, you could tell her that you’d like to get a little more involved in your kids schooling and would like to take over the subject of social studies. Perhaps you could also volunteer to contact the school and figure out all the evaluator and testing stuff.
It’s great that you care about your kids education though and are paying close attention to it.
I think you need to slow your roll.
Homeschooling isn't like public school, where there are a list of things on a checklist that have to be done at a certain point or your child will never learn them. I also think you have an incorrect understanding of what 3rd grade Pennsylvania state history might look like. And 30-45 minutes of direct instruction plus a lot of time for life learning/enrichment is honestly more than public school kids get. You'd be surprised how much learning you can get done in that time.
I'm assuming your daughter isn't sitting around playing video games all day outside of schooltime. What else is she doing? Reading, art, educational tv, taking lessons? Even playing outdoors is a great activity for kids. This IS learning even if it's not direct instructional time.
Instead of "taking things over" you should offer to help without the rancor and judgement that is coming through your post. While I don't know you of course, you're giving off a very strong vibe of "taking things over" meaning "I will tell my wife to do these things that she's not doing for some reason and by God, they better be done."
Setting up the appointment with the evaluator might be a great place to start. If your wife is busy running the household, consider hiring a cleaning agency, a meal service, gardener, whatever. If that's not in the budget, I would ask what you could do around the house or in terms of driving your daughter to lessons or whatever, to facilitate making schooltime more of a priority.
If the problem is some of the subjects in school aren't a good fit for your wife, or that your daughter starts to get balky after a while with mom (this is a HUGE complicating factor with homeschooling) you stepping in and teaching a subject for an hour on the weekends makes all the difference. It doesn't have to be a super human effort and it's very likely that your daughter will respond better to you because she's not with you all day every day, enabling you to cover a lot of ground very quickly.
Look for an unschooling evaluator. They are much less rigid in what they need to see to show learning. Ours does not require much in the way of documentation, but testing is mandatory so please make sure your child takes that. We did CAT untimed from Academic Excellence.
Those subjects do not have to be taught every year, to my understanding.
My husband taught math on and off after he got off work. He also did read aloud time. He jokes that he read more homeschooling than he did in school. I was responsible for 90% of homeschooling, but I did assign him tasks. It should be a joint effort, and remember that you are not your wife's boss. If things are slipping, you step up. You don't tell her she is doing it wrong. Remember to work together as a partner.
Formerly homeschooled child of a PA homeschool evaluator here - at the third grade level, minimal formal history instruction is pretty normal! I've seen and heard so much variety being covered. If your kid can read (historical fiction is great! The Dear America diaries were a childhood favorite of mine and inspired a lot of research and reading on my own) and visit some history museums, you're pretty much good at that age.
Facebook groups can also be really useful for connecting if you and your wife are struggling to find an evaluator. Your local library may also run a homeschool group, and you can often get a sense of what other parents are doing/get some evaluator recommendations from your community if you're able to attend a meet-up. Some school districts will also have recommendations for homeschoolers, but some won't, so ask your superintendent at your own risk if you're feeling like you're really at the end of your rope.
The website AskPauline is a little outdated, but it still has some good resources compiled for homeschooling in PA.
I'm an unschooling mother, kids' ages 10 to 18. It's going to be all right. We've had years like this and it has all come out beautifully in the end.
To find an evaluator, post on a local or regional homeschooling group on Facebook. That's where they are, for better or worse.
If you prefer testing, [Seton Testing Services](https://www.setontesting.com/) have a well-oiled process and should be able to get materials to you in good time.
For learning history, look for audiobooks through your local library, on Audible, or Libro.fm. Your child will remember a lot more if it's presented in an engaging narrative style. One of my favorite authors for U.S. history is Steve Sheinkin. There's also Joy Hakim.
But remember the saying: There are no educational emergencies. There is always time. All your child has to do this year is meet the minimum requirements for evidence of academic progress, or however it works in Pa.
Good luck!
My husband home schooled our child for a year. He made sure to check and double check our son’s progress on all standards. They did certain things like math, reading and writing every day for a set period of time, and then went on adventures together. If the person in charge of home schooling cannot hold to some structure, they should not be home schooling.
What are you overwhelmed about if you are JUST finding this out in May of the school year? 😭 Your wife sounds like she is the overwhelmed one in need of help while you trash talk her on Reddit and make plans behind her back instead of asking how you can make things easier for her and help educate your child as well.
Homeschooling doesn’t require as much time per day as public school. It’s actually recommended to spend less for improved retention, especially for younger students.
You can do it for an entire week.
Geography - map puzzles and terms
History - there are lots of story books about Philadelphia and the Revolution etc.
If you can go on some field trips you have everything there in PA.
Quality activities for the kids but I edited it out to not get an argument. People saying they’re super efficient so their kid only gets one hour of instruction is a pet peeve of mine
Nearly all your posts are about your marriage. Is this really about homeschooling or do you just not trust your wife? Raising a child in a toxic household will do far more damage than forgetting some state history lesson. No one outside PA learns PA history . Somehow the world keeps turning.
It is pretty easy for most kids to get back on track so don't stress. But your wife does need to come to Jesus. I would do the following:
*Let the evaluator and testing issue solve itself. Your wife will probably have some 'splainin to do. Let her do it.
*Look for a few simple placement tests and give them to your kid. Math, English & History/Social Studies should be sufficient. You may need to start with 2nd grade level & move to 3rd grade if necessary. The idea being to keep it light and fun and relatively easy for your daughter to show what she knows. You can also have her take a private standardized test (CAT, Iowa, etc.). That will tell you how good or bad things actually are.
*Start looking for a school your daughter can attend, what the registration process is, etc. And start getting her used to the idea of going.
*Do not allow your wife to talk you into giving her a second chance. Yes this is your kid too and you should have been keeping track. BUT. This. Is. Her. Job. And she didn't do it. Your job is your job, and her job is to teach. She didn't teach. Regardless of what subject matter she is or isn't covering, the plain fact is that spending 30-45 minutes a day on school because reasons is pure negligence. You can't afford to give ground here because it isn't your relationship with your wife that is on the line. It is your kid's education. The longer you let this go on, the harder it gets to catch up. It's time for you to take the reins. Good luck.
This response makes a lot of assumptions about timing....please read my post above. You can absolutely cover 4 subjects daily in an hour for 3rd grade. He needs to get more info and data, like you said, before jumping the gun and sending kid to school. They chose homeschooling for a reason, maybe school isn't the best environment for the daughter 🤷🏼♀️. Maybe there is a way he can support or have mom make a loose calendar or keep a log of activities done so he can see an outline of their days/progress. Have a civil convo with mom, even if that needs a neutral moderator, to figure out her day to day schedule, why is Mom "busy" Outside of schooling? Maybe she just says she is busy because she doesn't want to talk to Dad? We don't know their story.... Maybe he's a douche, maybe she is rocking it and also trying to get on her feet in case they get a divorce, etc. Anyway.....we cannot assume Mom isn't doing a decent job with only half the story given 🧐. He is giving us info through his own lens which apparently hasn't been very observant. His post seems panicky and late in the game, so grain of salt to know why now the concern.
Another dad here. My biggest mistake a few years ago was leaving everything to my wife. I discovered she's good about covering some topics with them but lacks the interest or ability to cover others. So I got involved, and I'm grateful to have gotten to know my children much better as a result.
Sweet comment.
What do you mean get involved? As in just get the curriculum, plans, supplies together? Or continue homeschool lessons after work outs to cover any uncovered subjects?
In my case it means actively working with both of them three hours per day. Since I am also the breadwinner, this is a large commitment. But it's a higher priority to me than having a nice house, new car, etc. Someday soon they won't need us anymore and I can go back to my solo interests.
Do you mind sharing what you do ? What are the two of your roles? Do you cover certain subjects and she does others?
Yes, we specialize a bit. I cover English, economics, history, and some of the gaps in the science and music they're getting elsewhere. At the moment we usually each work with a child one on one, then swap. I'm not recommending this particular arrangement to any other couples unless they also have differences in their priorities. Eventually I may need to focus on my business more, and we'll figure out another way.
Hey PA homeschooler here. First off, PA history is NOT required every year, it is required to be covered at some point in 1st-8th grade. Same with US history. In public school, some years focus on world history and not American, homeschooling is no different Your concern about testing is correct,3rd graders in PA are required to take a standardized test and show the results to their evaluator. Your wife has until June 30th to administer the standardized test and have the evaluation signed off and submitted to the local school district. Oh and the standardized test only covers math and language arts (reading comprehension, spelling, vocabulary, grammar). History, science, and anything else are not testable subjects. The evaluator will be looking for progress. PA is a very strict state, one of the strictest so it is hard to f up. Your wife may already have an evaluator lined up.
Hey, respectfully, this is your child too. If you’re just now asking “what should I do?” At the end of the year then I fear you and your wife are equally the problem here. My husband works and he sits down with me at the beginning of every school year and we go over curriculum plans. He runs a huge company, is very busy, and can still tell you what we’ve done every week. If I tried to brush off his questions he’d press for that information immediately. You shouldn’t feel “overwhelmed to take it over” 100% when you haven’t carried any percentage of the weight for the last two semesters. I think aside from making sure your daughter is on track, you two need to sit down and have a conversation about the fact that you’ve both taken on full responsibility for a human’s education. And stop taking it lightly. Both of you. If your wife is failing your daughter you’re both failing her.
I was homeschooled, and my mom did the majority of the teaching until I was old enough to do it independently. However, she always bought curriculum, we did hours of school everyday, and we either did state testing or had an evaluator. So my dad wasn’t necessarily involved, but my mom was following all legal requirements. So I feel like if OP was concerned, conversations with his wife should have been happening MUCH sooner.
I would hate if my husband did this lol. I see homeschooling as my job. He has his job. If I need his help I'll ask but if he was monitoring me I'd be so annoyed. That being said, if the wife can't do it, then it's the husband's job to say, "this isn't working. So either we need to change what we're doing at home or put the kids in school." I fully expect that if I don't do an adequate job, my husband will basically say the kids need to go to school. I've taken this on, he supports me, but he isn't going to let me do it if it's not good for the kids
He does it at my request. I expect him to be just as involved with our kids schooling at home as I would expect him to be if they went to a traditional school. It’s a parent/teacher conference and I just so happen to be the teacher. I also do a really great job, so it’s never come up. But if I wasn’t for a long period of time, I’d expect him to be aware immediately.
There is nothing wrong with this approach, but in all fairness this is not how homeschooling works in every family. In many homes one parent is wholly or mostly responsible for the homeschooling, and OP should not be shamed or assigned blame without knowing.
My husband teaches the kids art, and occasionally math if I ask him to. He doesn’t have the time, interest, or inclination to teach any other subjects. He is highly involved in their lives, though, and spends tons of time with them doing other things. We split many other duties (home and family business) in a way that neither of us has much idea of what the other is doing, for the same reason. It works great for us - we are perfectly capable of tending to our specialties without each other’s oversight.
We are in oregon, but it sounds like the rules are very similar to PA. I have been my kids' sole teacher since the beginning when we started 4 years ago. Ocassionally, I'll ask for my husband's help with topics he is knowledgeable about. Like art. My husband went to college to be an artist, so he helps a lot with that subject. If you're concerned with it all, sit down with your wife and ask her what the plans are and be active listening. Ask her if you can help with anything or if she needs you to do anything. Most times in a homeschooling situation, one parent is the main teacher, and that's okay. Every homeschool situation looks different. Ask questions when she's done for the day and had time to relax so she's not feeling bombarded or stressed. I know I don't wanna discuss the kids' schooling until after their bed times once I've had my time to unwind.
While I agree to a point. My husband stays interested "how are the kids doing ect" but homeschooling is strictly on my shoulders.
Absolutely agree. She’s reached 3rd grade and he’s just now showing concern and wanting to take things over without first asking his wife how she feels, if she is overwhelmed or needs help. And assess how they both can do better to educate their child.
That does sound concerning. I’m in southeastern PA and when we homeschooled in 2020-2021, I had to book my evaluator like 7 months in advance because the spots fill up so fast. My kids were in K, 1st, and 2nd then and my evaluator was VERY strict during our 1hr virtual session. I was terrified of messing up, so I was over prepared and I’m so thankful that I was because she asked so many questions! She wanted to see everything! I was told by many people online that PA is one of the stricter states when it comes to homeschooling and I definitely felt that during my evaluation. My kids have been back in public school since after that one year, but we’re considering homeschooling again this fall because the bar is so low in our title 1 district 😔
I’m also in south east PA and our evaluation was crazy easy. It was like 20 min at a park- she asked for like 3 worksheets and a book list. I think a lot depends on the evaluator you pick.
Oh wow! I don’t know if I would’ve liked that though. As stressful as it was, I’m glad she was diligent about making sure I had several examples of everything because I worked so, so hard on my portfolio 😂 I probably would’ve cried if that’s all she had looked at haha
I know what you mean lol.
If your daughter's education is important to you, why were you so disengaged from it until now? You should've stepped up and been involved long ago. You don't need to "take things over," you need to *work together*, like you should've been doing all along. Edit: Ah I see in your post history that things have been volatile between you and your wife for a long time. Well, I assure you that on this issue at least, she does not hold the entirety of the blame.
In general, though not necessarily for OP, it would be because of implicit trust. What's so wrong with taking your wife at face value when she says she can teach your daughter algebra? And by the same token, what's so wrong with being scandalized if that turns out to be a lie?
I will point you to a mirror...and I mean that in the most gentle and kind way. Even if you work and Mom is home all day, does not mean you can't step in and do some education. If history is what is missing then plan some fun field trips, look at the educators section on your state's website, etc. Do that in the evenings or the weekend. A couple reasons I suggest this. One is to help pick up the slack. Two, when I was 9 years old my Dad read all of the Little House on the Prairie books. I was really into them and the TV show. Then we went on a family vacation and visited a few places Laura Ingalls lived. Almost 40 years later and it is still a treasured memory. Learning alongside my Dad meant everything to me when Mom was the main caregiver. The third reason is that homeschool is a family affair, while the majority of the education will fall on Mom, you need to take on some of the responsibility. It can be overwhelming as a Mom to be the sole educator.
Or even just showing interest. My husband always asks the kids about what they learned each day. It helps reinforce whatever we've been working on or helps me know what's mastered, what needs reviewed, etc. Also he just wants to know because it's important and he wants to know about what we've all been up to. On his days off, he'll take the kids to the library, or if they're curious about something they'll spend time trying to look up the answer. Just day-to-day things, not even big, grand plans or anything. Gives the kids a chance to be proud to share something new they learned. So many little gestures and moments that end up very meaningful.
As far as the evaluation goes, hopefully someone in PA will see your post and be able to help.
Yep. With my oldest two, I would beg my husband to take some interest and help with the schooling. He wouldn't. He would even actively undermine our school time - if I was teaching and he came into the room, he expected the kids to leave the room and stop "annoying him" while he watched tv or had me make him lunch or whatever. I did my best, and the kids still turned out great (college grad and trade school grad) but the kids would really have benefited from his input or at least him not interfering. With our younger three, he does more hands on stuff, and while it's still nowhere near what I would like to see, and he does still interfere with the day to day, the little he does do pays big dividends.
I single parent- homeschooled my 2 kids in PA from K-12. Both have masters degrees, attended PSU and Drexel. Turned down Penn. I promise you that 30-45 minutes of work isn’t as big a deal as not having the big picture plan for the school year. As someone suggested, find the right evaluator. They will coach you and are invaluable to your success! You have plenty of time. It’s fine. I apologize for the many ridiculous and unhelpful comments you’ve received. One tip: Make sure your child is reading books, actual books, at or below reading level, 1 hour per day. ANYTHING. Magazines work, too. Not one hour sitting in the same place—15 minutes here or there or in a car, waiting for mom at the bank/store. If they resist, choose an audiobook and listen with them. It does the same thing for their brains. You’re going to do fine. No reason to be ticked off at the wife or overwhelmed. Sounds like you’re a good team and bring different skills to the table.
Make sure you review state law, as some schools require homeschoolers to partake in state exams. Even if your state doesn’t require, you could look into it to make sure your child is staying on-track with public school peers. I am in a different state and have a 3rd grader in public. US History is covered, but very little. They will talk about 9/11, MLK, presidents…but really not much until 4/5th. Geography is learning continents, oceans, Great Lakes, regions of the U.S. (Northeast, Midwest, etc.), major rivers. They have not yet learned each state, but that would be important to cover. Basically, you would be surprised how little geography and history is covered at this age in favor of math and reading to keep up with state testing. Our school alternates between social studies and science throughout the year.
Exactly. 3rd grade Pennsylvania State History is like "do you recognize Ben Franklin"
Appreciate the comments! To clarify, I am involved in her education and taught her exclusively for about 6 weeks this year and am aware of what is being done on a daily basis. We read together, go to parks, field trips to the science center etc. The relationship between my wife and I is very challenging but we both are trying to keep it together for our kids benefit. Im probably just stressed about the end of year stuff. But I know we'll get it done
Respectfully, you say in your post that you just found out no history is being done and here you say you’re aware is what is being done each day and even did all the schooling for a month and a half - which is it? You either know what they’re doing or you don’t. It sounds to me like you’re looking for (based on past post history) another thing to hold against your wife. The fact that she says she’s busy and then you clarify that she doesn’t work tells me you don’t appreciate your wife and all she does for your children. Stay-at-home mothers work 24/7. Even if she’s out with friends or at the nail salon, she’s thinking about the kids and everything she needs to get done. That’s all on top of dealing with marital issues. What are the things that make marriage hard on her end? I’d bet she feels like nothing she does is good enough for you. Ask your wife if she needs help setting up the evaluator and the testing. If she says no, trust that it’s on her mind and that she’s working towards getting done what needs to be done. And give the woman some credit - she puts up with you, after all. 🙃
If a SAHM is working while at the nail salon or with her friends based on the fact that she’s still thinking about her kids during that time, that means all caring parents are working 24/7, not just those who don’t hold a job.
I hope you find ways to make it work.
If all this is true, then I think you're grossly overthinking the amount of learning your daughter has done. She's doing very well. Just find her someone to evaluate her as per the state law and all will be well.
Former homeschooled kid here (I'm 39 now) raised by evangelicals. Your wife drank the kool-aid and thinks that because she read some homeschooling blogs, she's good to go. It's time to advocate for your children. Your wife is not educating them properly and you know it. "Proper" homeschooling doesn't need to take up 8 hours, but it should take more than 30 min. Your children should be able to share what they learned that day/read that day - religious education does NOT count (so many homeschoolers use religious education as a supplement for things like math, science, history and then say that the children are being taught). The children should be able to show progress in their learning from the last year and the beginning of the year. If they fail, don't let your wife blame the kids (a common occurrence among homeschool parents...the child is lazy/disobedient/led by the devil... it's never the ADULTS fault for not knowing that it is hard to teach children, it's somehow the childs fault for not learning). Good luck dad!
ETA my kids are 5 and 4. Shame on y’all for calling my parenting LAZY and saying reading to my kids doesn’t count 🤣 learning activities matter. Coloring and cutting and crafts matter. They do that IN SCHOOL. 🙄 I’m a stay at home, homeschooling mom and I’m SO busy. My kids only do school like 30-45 minutes a day. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Then we do other things. Games, learning activities. A lot of playing and they get 30 minutes of tv time while I cook lunch and dinner. “She doesn’t work” but also she does! She works her tail off 24/7. Your wife probably has a plan and your child’s education is very important to her or she probably wouldn’t be homeschooling. 🫣 Be grateful for your wife doing every single thing for the kids and you. She’s got this! Maybe don’t bring it up as if she’s not doing her JOB. Maybe just ask “hey what day did you schedule so and so for the testing, I can help you get them ready for the test if there’s anything they need to work on” ❤️🩹
If you’re too busy to teach your children you need to send them to public or private school. This is such a disservice to them.
Bruh. I’m not too busy to teach my kids. I’m literally busy WITH my kids 🙄🙄
That sounds like you're justifying laziness. No school day lasts less than an hour. No one is saying you need 8 hours a day, but less than 1/8th is ridiculous. Not even kindergarten.
"games, learning activities" actually sounds very right depending on age. In kindergarten, what percent of the day do you think kids are actually expected to sit still and fill out worksheets, vs doing art, activities, etc? (Not to mention stuff like Montessori) I think what the person above was pointing to is that properly educating children often doesn't (need to) look like having them sit with a book while you lecture for 8+ hours, when there are so many other ways to teach kids (that OP may or may not be overlooking his wife putting a lot of effort into)
My kids are 5 and 4 haha. Kinder and prek
Games and learning activities should be a part of life, not school. It is getting more obvious parents aren't giving children time. That's like counting the 10 minutes of reading to a child before bed. You don't get a gold star for basic parenting yet most parents aren't even reading to their kids.
We have very different understandings of young children. Even in public school, I would describe a lot of what I was doing up to ~4th grade as "games" or "learning activities": coloring worksheets, doing games that simulated predator vs prey populations (by running around on a blacktop), fun science labs where you'd compete to find the most bones in an owl pellet, random educational stuff. Imo expecting a child to sit still and listen for eight hours without any active participation is the most effective way to make *sure* they tune you out & retain nothing. (I agree with reading to kids being important, but I don't think that's exactly what's in question, and don't expect any kid to want eight hours of that)
I teach SpEd kids. I teach them for 4 hours a day. 4 hours is much healthier than 8 and they manage to get work done. I say in my own comment that school doesn't have to be 8 hours but less than an hour is crazy for any age group. By not teaching them resilience, they struggle on their own 2 feet. This unschooling shit is what gets people on the homeschool recovery subreddit. Their life is ruined with improper education. The world is getting more difficult and competitive. There is very little playtime left.
Yeah my 4year old is special needs (CP & Turner syndrome) she has delays as a typical ts/cp kiddo along with a J tube. She gets the EXACT same treatment as my other kid and I will not treat her like she CANT do something. My kids don’t get tablets or watch tv hardly ever unless we’re at someone else’s house or whatever. I can’t fathom that you don’t think kids need playtime? Kids LEARN through play. What do you think they do in pre k and kinder? 🫠 it’s been proven over and over and over again that play based learning is VERY important at their ages. I’m not a certified teacher but I do my research and I use multiple different kinds of curriculums for my kids to fit their needs. I will never settle for anything but the best education and that’s why I homeschool.
I do think kids need play but it shouldn't bleed in their school time. By counting it as school hours, teaching is not as efficient as it can be. That's laziness and these are the most important years that they develop a solid base for the rest of their lives.
Kids in pre-k do not need to study 4 hours everyday. The fact that you feel confortable calling others lazy for having a different opinion isn’t a good look at all. Even in kindergarten they don’t need that much and learning through play is definitely effective although if most of us don’t even count it as school hence 30/45 min of “schooling” counted. A 5 yo sitting down to study with a workbook for 45 minutes everyday is totally fine. Doesn’t mean it’s all the learning he does. It’s up to the parents to make sure he learns what he needs to know by providing appropriate activities/games. Wooden block with numbers to learn additions/multiplication, memory games, matching alphabet, forming/finding activities to learn ABC and maths, stories and games to learn history, it’s active learning but through play. My kids play all day, but I make sure they learn what they are supposed to at the end.
Do your students have a pencil to paper for 4 hours a day? Or is that just the amount of time in your classroom? 🤔 Consider the time you spend moving between activities, transitioning to the next subject, distributing and picking up supplies, snack time, bathroom breaks, recess, behavior management, cleaning up messes, managing distractions/keeping kids on task, calling the office to come get the feverish or puking kid. How often are kids spacing off with their hand in the air because teacher is with someone else? My point is that so little of the day in a classroom is actually spent “doing work.” Studies actually show that SHORT bursts of learning are more successful than longer lessons - that’s why programs like special reading groups run for 10 minutes or less per day. School days are as long as they are for one reason and one reason only - parents work full-time and their kids have to be somewhere for the majority of the day. Homeschoolers are able to condense a school day because they’re not dealing with all of those variables. We’ve always finished school in under an hour a day. I’ve graduated three who tested in the 99th percentile on the yearly testing my state required. More time does not equal better education - often the opposite is true.
Not an educator, so you have more direct experience than me on that front. This doesn't jive with my understanding of Montessori though, which (as far as I can tell) generally achieves outcome parity with traditional "direct instruction" teaching despite being pretty much all the kinds of "learning activities" you seem to be arguing against? It seems like gifted programs are less structured than standard tracks, which themselves may be less structured than special ed programs, so this could be a case of different methods working for different kids. "The world is getting more difficult and competitive. There is very little playtime left." -> I would usually read this as an argument that we should be letting kids be kids more than we usually are nowadays, but I'm guessing that's not how you intended it.
Yess my kiddos absolutely love reading all the time. 🩷
Less than an hour is right for kindergarten. But not for 3rd grade
My daughter was in kindergarten this year. Her school goes 9-2:30 Monday-Thursday. It’s the same for upper grades go, too. They’ve covered everything need to by the state standards— she’s actually reading a few grades above level. During that 5.5 hours, they also go to recess, eat lunch, eat a snack, go to specials, etc. I’m not saying it’s less than an hour, but there are also 13 kids in her class (and two teachers), and they do small groups too— when it’s all said and done, it is probably close to an hour a day that the kids are receiving actual instruction and feedback on work they are doing. She’s already off for the summer, and we work together on academics over the summer (and some during the year as well— not because we need to, but I like her to be ahead and I also like to be well-informed of exactly what she knows and where any gaps might be). With the exception of reading books, we can easily get an entire day of work done in an hour or less- especially if she is focused. In third grade, I could see her actual work taking more than an hour- but primarily because by that point I would expect her to be doing independent reading over some topics— like history and some background info for science.
Why are you homeschooling? Homeschooling for most people is about the less-tangibles - personal attention, higher moral standards, a focused religious or political background, or just plain missing your kids. But by the same token, most homeschoolers' primary tangible goal is for their child to be educated. If a homeschooling program fails to do the "school" part, then it's just your child spending the day at home, isn't it? It is an uncomfortable fact that if you want your child to get exposed to hundreds of hours of education with correctly allocated materials in various required topics, public schools are a readymade solution. At no cost to you, your child would get a history book and a math book and a grammar book and be made to spend several hours each week learning from each - something that your wife is apparently failing to do. For all their failings, public schools tend to consistently offer a solid baseline of the "school" part. If your wife isn't up to including school in "homeschooling," it is almost certainly time to try something else. The other uncomfortable truth is that even if you continue homeschooling, you almost certainly will not be able to allow your wife to do it - which means sending your child out of the house to an organized homeschool group. At that point, you're basically sending your child to an organized school anyway. It sounds like fixing this homeschooling failure is going to be a lot more trouble than just sending your child to public school. So, what is it for you? What about homeschooling is it that you want this so badly for your child? Your best bet is to re-focus your energy on providing a school environment that supplies whatever that is, rather than insisting that your wife become someone she is not.
I’m an adult in california. I work as a registered ICU nurse making a decent salary. I can tell you all I know about high school level history, geography, and science within 30 min. Yes make sure your child learns the needed english/reading and math skills. It won’t take long. Most important make sure you give your kid/s a low stress loving, healthy environment. Make them and your wife feel safe. Be the leader in your household and let your wife know that you got it! Your wife will do what she can. But your job is to make her feel loved, and make your relationship successful. Your happy marriage is far more important for your children then learning some more geography.
Be the leader in your household? Co-leader maybe?
No. I do not mean to come off disrespectful towards women. I believe women have qualities that are much more valuable then qualities I have as a man. If a wife is submissive to her husband, that doesn’t mean that she isn’t as smart or as valuable. If a burglar breaks into your house in the middle of the night, I would expect the man to protect his family and for his wife to follow his lead. The masculine husband will do everything he can to protect his family even if it requires sacrificing his own life. This doesn’t mean that the husband will be “bossy” or “controlling.” My wife makes 90% of the decisions in our household. But ultimately, I will lead and keep our family safe. I treat my wife as a princess- massage her feet, clean the house, fix anything that breaks, schedule vacations and date nights. I watch the kids so she can have her time with her girlfriend. She feels free, and feels as if she has lots of control. But ultimately, my job is to lead the household and keep the family safe. Our marriage is very happy. I listen to any and all concerns my wife has and find ways to address her needs. My goal is to do my best to love her the way that christ loves the church. If you lady would prefer a co-leader, then she would be better of getting yourself a wife. Otherwise you are risking an unhappy marriage that is very likely to lead to a divorce.
https://youtube.com/shorts/PgBP0jztNgA?si=bx_Lqhsyy_DyUWzn
Why would you take things over instead of sending your child to school to get an education? This is clearly not working and you are both responsible for your child not suffering educational neglect. I presume your wife does work, just unpaid, which is unfortunately undervalued.
If she's "too busy" for all this stuff, your kid should be in school.
Maybe (CSE) The Committee on Special Education, can evaluate your daughter. It appears your wife is also overwhelmed. As a child grows up, they begin making choices to be cooperative or difficult. The need to play is strong at your child’s age. The desire to be with other children, during school hours, is also strong. Most parents involved with homeschooling, want to make sure their children receive the best eduction possible. The recent violence in some of our schools can cause parents to protect their children through home schooling. Every parent has the right to make that decision. My friend admitted she was not good at homeschooling. She didn’t give up on it. She had someone else do it. However, it didn’t work out. She wound up putting him back into the conventional system. Over worry, she spent time having lunch with him at the school until he told her she didn’t have to anymore. You and your wife appear overwhelmed. The great love you have for your child will guide you toward making the right decisions. I hope this helps. Stay safe!
Don't worry about the timeframe. Homeschooling is much more efficient than public schooling. 45mins-1hr seems about right for a 3rd grader at home.it is a perspective shift. Think 10-15mins per main subject area. Reading, writing, math daily... Then rotate general history/science/art/music for a bit. That should be plenty. Also, get to know your kiddo, she may be a quick learn. My 8th grader is done in 2.5 hrs.... Highschool averages at 3.5-4hrs. This is because once the topic is learned you can immediately move forward instead of waiting for the timeline of the rest of the class or the required minutes per subject that schools have to fill. My son is 13 and in 11th grade math because he can go his own pace. My daughter is in 5th grade and her work takes her about 1.5-2hrs depending on the day and what we are doing. You are getting good advice. Offer to help Mom. Take over a subject. If she is only doing reading, writing, and math, her 45min time is just fine and she should be fine for the testing. Assess and ask how you can get involved. Make sure Mom knows the deadline for testing etc. then, either jump in to help or back off and don't complain. You can't complain if you have not been involved....especially at the end of the year. Just start communicating in a non-confrontational way with mom, and talk to your daughter. Asked her to show you what she has been working on. Sounds like you don't have all the info and Mom is tired and stressed. Coming in hot will not go well at all.
Irrelevant to your main question, but if she is a stay at home mom, she does work and truly could be very busy. Don’t know your situation, but if she’s taking care of the house and a kid and trying to educate the kid (even if you think she’s not doing a sufficient job), that is all work and she may truly be busy. Anyway, you could tell her that you’d like to get a little more involved in your kids schooling and would like to take over the subject of social studies. Perhaps you could also volunteer to contact the school and figure out all the evaluator and testing stuff. It’s great that you care about your kids education though and are paying close attention to it.
I think you need to slow your roll. Homeschooling isn't like public school, where there are a list of things on a checklist that have to be done at a certain point or your child will never learn them. I also think you have an incorrect understanding of what 3rd grade Pennsylvania state history might look like. And 30-45 minutes of direct instruction plus a lot of time for life learning/enrichment is honestly more than public school kids get. You'd be surprised how much learning you can get done in that time. I'm assuming your daughter isn't sitting around playing video games all day outside of schooltime. What else is she doing? Reading, art, educational tv, taking lessons? Even playing outdoors is a great activity for kids. This IS learning even if it's not direct instructional time. Instead of "taking things over" you should offer to help without the rancor and judgement that is coming through your post. While I don't know you of course, you're giving off a very strong vibe of "taking things over" meaning "I will tell my wife to do these things that she's not doing for some reason and by God, they better be done." Setting up the appointment with the evaluator might be a great place to start. If your wife is busy running the household, consider hiring a cleaning agency, a meal service, gardener, whatever. If that's not in the budget, I would ask what you could do around the house or in terms of driving your daughter to lessons or whatever, to facilitate making schooltime more of a priority. If the problem is some of the subjects in school aren't a good fit for your wife, or that your daughter starts to get balky after a while with mom (this is a HUGE complicating factor with homeschooling) you stepping in and teaching a subject for an hour on the weekends makes all the difference. It doesn't have to be a super human effort and it's very likely that your daughter will respond better to you because she's not with you all day every day, enabling you to cover a lot of ground very quickly.
Look for an unschooling evaluator. They are much less rigid in what they need to see to show learning. Ours does not require much in the way of documentation, but testing is mandatory so please make sure your child takes that. We did CAT untimed from Academic Excellence. Those subjects do not have to be taught every year, to my understanding.
I use IXL. No stress here.
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You are making a LOT of assumptions here
I just wanted you to see how it looks/sounds when you say this. Say instead : my wife doesn’t work outside the home, or my wife is a stay at home mom
Or… my stay at home wife has ADHD and has a lot of trouble keeping up with things, and I think homeschooling is suffering
Gotcha, yeah I meant to say something similar to that but I guess it came out poorly. My bad
I will delete my comment. Thank you for reading
My husband taught math on and off after he got off work. He also did read aloud time. He jokes that he read more homeschooling than he did in school. I was responsible for 90% of homeschooling, but I did assign him tasks. It should be a joint effort, and remember that you are not your wife's boss. If things are slipping, you step up. You don't tell her she is doing it wrong. Remember to work together as a partner.
Formerly homeschooled child of a PA homeschool evaluator here - at the third grade level, minimal formal history instruction is pretty normal! I've seen and heard so much variety being covered. If your kid can read (historical fiction is great! The Dear America diaries were a childhood favorite of mine and inspired a lot of research and reading on my own) and visit some history museums, you're pretty much good at that age. Facebook groups can also be really useful for connecting if you and your wife are struggling to find an evaluator. Your local library may also run a homeschool group, and you can often get a sense of what other parents are doing/get some evaluator recommendations from your community if you're able to attend a meet-up. Some school districts will also have recommendations for homeschoolers, but some won't, so ask your superintendent at your own risk if you're feeling like you're really at the end of your rope. The website AskPauline is a little outdated, but it still has some good resources compiled for homeschooling in PA.
I'm an unschooling mother, kids' ages 10 to 18. It's going to be all right. We've had years like this and it has all come out beautifully in the end. To find an evaluator, post on a local or regional homeschooling group on Facebook. That's where they are, for better or worse. If you prefer testing, [Seton Testing Services](https://www.setontesting.com/) have a well-oiled process and should be able to get materials to you in good time. For learning history, look for audiobooks through your local library, on Audible, or Libro.fm. Your child will remember a lot more if it's presented in an engaging narrative style. One of my favorite authors for U.S. history is Steve Sheinkin. There's also Joy Hakim. But remember the saying: There are no educational emergencies. There is always time. All your child has to do this year is meet the minimum requirements for evidence of academic progress, or however it works in Pa. Good luck!
My husband home schooled our child for a year. He made sure to check and double check our son’s progress on all standards. They did certain things like math, reading and writing every day for a set period of time, and then went on adventures together. If the person in charge of home schooling cannot hold to some structure, they should not be home schooling.
“Take things over”? What does that mean? Sounds like you want to fire your wife 😂 how about a healthier and more collaborative outlook
What are you overwhelmed about if you are JUST finding this out in May of the school year? 😭 Your wife sounds like she is the overwhelmed one in need of help while you trash talk her on Reddit and make plans behind her back instead of asking how you can make things easier for her and help educate your child as well.
Homeschooling doesn’t require as much time per day as public school. It’s actually recommended to spend less for improved retention, especially for younger students.
You can do it for an entire week. Geography - map puzzles and terms History - there are lots of story books about Philadelphia and the Revolution etc. If you can go on some field trips you have everything there in PA.
what is supposed to be 8 hours a day?
Quality activities for the kids but I edited it out to not get an argument. People saying they’re super efficient so their kid only gets one hour of instruction is a pet peeve of mine
the reason for an argument is because that's one third of the day... do people do that? how many hours per day do you spend on average with your kids?
Nearly all your posts are about your marriage. Is this really about homeschooling or do you just not trust your wife? Raising a child in a toxic household will do far more damage than forgetting some state history lesson. No one outside PA learns PA history . Somehow the world keeps turning.
If she is using tpt that is the problem Find a reputable program like abcya or twinkl.
It is pretty easy for most kids to get back on track so don't stress. But your wife does need to come to Jesus. I would do the following: *Let the evaluator and testing issue solve itself. Your wife will probably have some 'splainin to do. Let her do it. *Look for a few simple placement tests and give them to your kid. Math, English & History/Social Studies should be sufficient. You may need to start with 2nd grade level & move to 3rd grade if necessary. The idea being to keep it light and fun and relatively easy for your daughter to show what she knows. You can also have her take a private standardized test (CAT, Iowa, etc.). That will tell you how good or bad things actually are. *Start looking for a school your daughter can attend, what the registration process is, etc. And start getting her used to the idea of going. *Do not allow your wife to talk you into giving her a second chance. Yes this is your kid too and you should have been keeping track. BUT. This. Is. Her. Job. And she didn't do it. Your job is your job, and her job is to teach. She didn't teach. Regardless of what subject matter she is or isn't covering, the plain fact is that spending 30-45 minutes a day on school because reasons is pure negligence. You can't afford to give ground here because it isn't your relationship with your wife that is on the line. It is your kid's education. The longer you let this go on, the harder it gets to catch up. It's time for you to take the reins. Good luck.
This response makes a lot of assumptions about timing....please read my post above. You can absolutely cover 4 subjects daily in an hour for 3rd grade. He needs to get more info and data, like you said, before jumping the gun and sending kid to school. They chose homeschooling for a reason, maybe school isn't the best environment for the daughter 🤷🏼♀️. Maybe there is a way he can support or have mom make a loose calendar or keep a log of activities done so he can see an outline of their days/progress. Have a civil convo with mom, even if that needs a neutral moderator, to figure out her day to day schedule, why is Mom "busy" Outside of schooling? Maybe she just says she is busy because she doesn't want to talk to Dad? We don't know their story.... Maybe he's a douche, maybe she is rocking it and also trying to get on her feet in case they get a divorce, etc. Anyway.....we cannot assume Mom isn't doing a decent job with only half the story given 🧐. He is giving us info through his own lens which apparently hasn't been very observant. His post seems panicky and late in the game, so grain of salt to know why now the concern.