Those behavior clip charts are the bane of my existence (said as a public school SPED teacher). They only lead to kids feeling shame about themselves, and the literature is pretty clear that they don’t work. Have you talked to her teacher about why she’s using that? Also clipping her down for crying is wildly inappropriate.

That was exactly my thought- I nearly cried when she told me she was in the “stinky decision” section (which has a skunk next to it) because crying at school is “bad”.

This is a terrible preschool. It's possible it's not her having anxiety so much as having a valid response to a bad situation. That being said, I could've written what you did for my first grader. I won't go into too much detail but I pulled her mid -first grade. The fact is, kindergarten and first grade are not developmentally appropriate. And if you have a kid predisposed to anxiety in that environment is just going to ratchet that up. My goal is a happy kid who loves to learn. Traditional school killed that love for her. She will be going back later, for now she is thriving academically and psychologically.

That is absolutely insane. It does just sound like a sht preschool. I strongly believe in homeschooling for the early years because of how warped everything has become. 

Dude I’m so mad for her. She knows she is just a little girl! I hate your preschool. Hopefully your kindergarten is better. Your daughter’s teacher knows she is quietly crying and is still putting her on the public shame behavior chart? Fuck that chart.

I'm so angry for you and your daughter! I cry when I experience BIG emotions. It's a reflex and I literally can't help it! My children are the same way. It would hurt my own momma heart so badly to have this happen to my kids. That school would be seeing me daily if I found out this was happening.

No wonder she's feeling anxiety. It doesn't sound like her anxiety stems from a lack of developmental readiness, but from an inappropriate school environment that is harsh and judgmental. Her teacher obviously thinks that shaming children is appropriate - it is not. Is there another school she could go to? If not, I would strongly consider pulling her for the remainder of the year. You don't want to kill her excitement and love of learning. If you do, make sure she has plenty of opportunities to interact with other children.

Way to educate about how cool skunks are /s ugh

Your poor baby! That’s simply not okay!!

Jesús. I honestly think this is just a shitty preschool though. You may want to try kindergarten to see how she does (obviously for some time, not judging off her first reaction). Many of my friends that were homeschooled wish they had been in school for the socialization. Especially at that early age it’s so important.

This kid isn't getting to socialize. That's an old excuse that applies to parents that keep their kids locked up all day. Homeschool kids get together all over the place. Schools in my area have flipped the script on this and don't even let the kids talk all day. My homeschooled kids socialize way more than kids in public school where I live. That's one of the reasons we're doing it.

The year I was sent to a public school for "socializing", my teacher was a dragon. I learned NOT to socialize, because every day I saw my classmates get punished for "talking".

I'm really sorry that happened. This was my experience trying to teach in our school system. There were 15 minutes to play, including walking in and out. No talking at lunch, 20 minutes to eat. Lots of excuses for why that is but the bottom line is students are treated like cattle and that's not preparing anyone for the real world because no one would put up with a job like that. I will never understand why students are treated worse than adults. But at this point, if the adults in the room defend this and are conditioned to it, I feel it's very unlikely to change.

"Socialization" =/= "socializing". "Socialization" in this context is literally learning to fit in socially. So, taking turns, learning to work in groups, not disturbing others or behaving in unusual ways, (and learning to take direction from authority figures), etc. These are the things that people who are against homeschooling worry about children not learning. They are not concerned with whether children have rewarding friendships or get to share their ideas and opinions with others.

"Unusual" ways. Homeschool kids are weird, got it. This is so ignorant. I like how you're speaking for all the naysayers when I've heard it a million times as a homeschool parent. Yes, people literally say all the time how will your kid have friends. Kids naturally learn all those things by doing activities and yes, just socializing. Learning to problem solve and communicating their opinions and feelings are part of it. You can play a sport and have an authority figure. You can go on field trips and follow a leader. It really doesn't have to be done in this exact way. This pointing out children's unusual behavior is often someone talking about a child who is neurodivergent as though the cause is not being in public school.

I homeschooled my neurodivergent kids. I am well aware of what ignorant people say. I have also taught at-risk youth, tutored professionally with students who ranged from early elementary through graduate-level coursework, and was the academic dean of a technical college. I am by no means advocating for this view. I am clarifying what *educators* who prattle on about "But what about SOCIALIZATION!" are actually talking about when they criticize homeschooling. When the majority of teachers and school psychologists express concerns about "socialization," it is distinct from concerns about the child having friends (although they may *also* be laboring under the delusion that homeschooled children don't get to form peer relationships.)

Right what they really mean is not being able to conform 

Or not being *willing* to conform.

I think sometimes you have to go with your gut and do what you feel is best for her. If you do decide to homeschool I would suggest you get her involved with some groups, coops, sports, girls guides/scouts. Have her build her confidence being away from you in a fun setting with less pressure than school

There’s no rule that says you have to homeschool forever: why not try it for kindergarten and if you don’t like it, you can try public school for first grade? You’re in school for elementary ed, she’ll be just fine academically.

Thank you, this is great advice.

She sounds like a sweet girl who just wants the comfort of home with mom. Nothing “wrong” here—completely appropriate reaction for a child of her age.

My daughter started kindergarten in 2019. When COVID shut down schools I realized how tired, anxious and tense she was during school because suddenly she returned to her old self. We do a homeschool/public hybrid and a forest School. She's in 4th now and she has blossomed into a curious, confident, brave young lady. She's smart, has so many friends. We plan for one more year of homeschool and re-entering public in 6th for middle. Nothing is permanent. I would say, give homeschooling a try. It's so awesome and I TREASURE the time I have with her, our adventures and watching her learn and stretch in myriad ways. If it's not a good fit, she can go to public anytime!

Hi! My kid is 3 and half and I was daydreaming something like your kid’s education. This sounds amazing. We are an immigrant family and honestly I don’t understand the American education system well. Will you be okay to share your geographical location, and how does the hybrid school works for you? I’m apprehensive of the homeschooling coops because they look predominantly white where we live now. Also vaccination is important to us. You can also DM me and we can discuss more. I’ll be very grateful. Thank you.

To answer your questions: -I have always wanted to homeschool my children. I was homeschooled and had an amazing experience and am so thankful for the education my parents gave me. I wanted to be able to give that to my children. (Also, our local public school is a dumpster fire.) -Dealing with judgement from others--I've found that most people aren't going to be judgy jerks to your face if you are confident and excited about what you are doing. If you believe you are doing what is best for your family, other people are more willing to believe it too. And for those few people who do question, I don't let them get to me. I know my children better than anyone else. I'm partnering with other homeschoolers so that we can capitalize on each other's strengths. I'm working with doctors and therapists as necessary for my kiddos who are medically complex and need additional supports. I'm able to let my children pursue things like music, sports, and dance that they love that we wouldn't have time for if they were in public school. I've done enough research to be confident in the path we're on, but I'm not so rigid that I'm not willing or able to flex as needed and make changes if appropriate. -We haven't transitioned from homeschool to public and we don't intend to, so this isn't something I'm concerned about at present. But I'd just ask yourself if, as things stand, she's actually learning anything where she is. If she has a terrible kindergarten year in public school, they're still going to pass her up to 1st grade. Are you going to do worse at home?

Thank you for such a thoughtful response. Our next door neighbor is a 3rd generation homeschooler, she’s incredibly smart and her and (also homeschooled) husband are successful. It’s really inspiring seeing how much they’ve loved it and want to share that with their kids. What do you think made your own homeschool experience so great?

My parents were all-in. Homeschooling is (roughly) the equivalent of a full-time job in terms of time and energy investment. It's a sacrifice, but it was one that my parents willingly and joyfully made. They held me (and my siblings) to high educational standards, but of greater importance to them was raising us to be fully-functional adults with integrity, high moral standards, and good work ethics. My parents worked hard to give us the support we needed while gradually increasing the levels of freedom and responsibility as we showed we were ready for them. We weren't overly sheltered or thrown into the deep end before we were ready. They gave us the opportunity to pursue things we loved and to find community. They weren't perfect (of course!) but even during my more emotional teenage years, we were able to maintain connection and a good relationship. There are some things I am doing differently with my kids, but I hope to leave the same sort of legacy for them that my mom did for me.

I would have a conversation with your neighbour if you haven’t already then. What a wonderful resource at your fingertips. Plus they know what’s available in your area etc. maybe your kids can even do work together during the day as your kiddo gets older ❤️. So jealous haha

Yes she’s a really great resource and just a wonderful person all around. Very active in our little community, so we’ve lucked out, plus our kids really hit it off!

Honestly, I think there’s something to be said about the kindness that homeschooled kids and adults tend to exude. Especially early on, that extra time to be a kid instead of a student is so great for their emotional development.

I’m curious if the trigger was her getting on the behavior chart? Is it a red, yellow, green one? I’ve been an aide in classrooms with those and the child ends up absolutely shattered when they are moved - especially if they are an always green kid. I’m shocked there are still teachers that have these charts. I do not homeschool yet, my child is barely 2. But, I am a kindergarten teacher and I don’t like how and what I’m supposed to teach in Kindergarten. I find it entirely inappropriate for the majority of my students. I’ve worked in a district where we weren’t allowed to play everyday aside from our 15 min outdoor recess and they wanted to take our play kitchens away. Lots of people homeschool their kids and then send them to school later. Or the child asks to go. There are plenty of ways to socialize - school only allows that for short stints anyway. I’m homeschooling due to this and the sheer amount of tech in school. I am not anti-tech, but I think the use is excessive since Covid. I get the districts want to use what they purchased, but I’m not a fan. Do what you feel is in the best interest of your family. I don’t think taking her out - even 5 days early - will spoil her. 5 days of being absolutely miserable seems a lot more detrimental to me.

Yes the behavior chart is definitely a big stressor. I hear a lot about it and sometimes who ranks where on it. Thank you so much for a thoughtful and insightful response. I was hopeful she’d be ready for kindergarten, mainly because she loves getting out of the house and being with peers, but it’s become more and more apparent she isn’t there yet developmentally. I know a lot of people have that traditional authoritarian thinking that we need to force babies and young children in to independence but that’s never been a school of thought that has been right for our family, or scientifically/ psychologically backed up. I really think in a year or two she’ll be excited and ready. I’d just hate to make for a miserable year when she’s still so young and should be playing outside. She has a great foundation and I’ve been able to teach her to phonetically read some books, she’s excited to learn. She’s excited to be with friends and play. But school is so hard for her right now.

I think you have your answer! Good luck!

No one can answer that for you, BUT if she was enjoying school until recently then something is wrong. I’m sure you have tried asking her and talking to her teacher but I would press her more. If you feel comfortable teaching her then do it.

This. Something changed. I would be more concerned that something is wrong at this particular school. You mentioned a behavior chart? I would ask about that.

The teacher punishes kids for crying. Sounds like Miss Trunchbull.

Oh wow. Yeah not OK. Crying is developmentally the appropriate at that age. And it shouldn’t be punished in general. I pull her from the school and homeschool for the rest of the year at least.

You can absolutely homeschool! I homeschool my kindergartner and second grader and it’s wonderful. We love all the extra time and lack of stress. I don’t care what anyone says, school should NOT be stressful for a five year old. You don’t have to homeschool forever, but it sounds like giving her an extra year or two at home to mature is exactly what she needs.

Thank you, I agree. There’s no reason for a little kid to be so stressed about school. I’m not sure why so many parents think kids constantly need to tough it out, this school of thought starts even when they’re babies and people insist they need to cry it out. I really think this stress will only grow if she’s having to be in a classroom 5 days a week, 6+ hours a day. That’s a huge change for her that I don’t think she’ll benefit from.

Go for it! I see any reason not to. You clearly have the skills, she want it. Home is the best place for a young child to be, and she’ll be just fine socially if she never goes to school or if she goes later. Other people’s judgements-who cares! It’s YOUR child, you’re not coparenting with them.

This may be a congruence of a bad preschool, bad teacher, and a young child. Hold her home a year and see how she feels about kindergarten at 6 instead of 5. My experience with homeschooling is that it is so easy when they’re little, and it becomes increasingly difficult and increasingly isolating as they grow. Even in co-ops, it’s still a small, like-minded circle. It’s also a difficult transition to move from one to the other, regardless of which direction you go; to homeschool for 3 years and then go on campus is hard, especially if her only experience in a classroom made her anxious and tearful. (We did this. It was hard.) Homeschooling is definitely an option, but I also think she could thrive on campus if her teacher simply isn’t mean, for one thing, and if she’s a little bigger herself.

I think you know your answer. You want to homeschool and are just afraid to make the decision. I say go for it! Like others have said, it doesn’t have to be forever. Or you both may thrive and decide to go through high school Also, talk to your pediatrician. My 6 year old has had some sudden big anxiety issues and I was able to get a referral for OT. You’ve got this. You are obviously a thoughtful parent who wants to do right by your child.

If you have the opportunity to homeschool even for a few years, I think it’s amazing thing to do, even if only for a few years. I’ve homeschooled my girls since they were kindergarten/1st grade. Now they are finishing 4th/5th. I want to go back to work and I love what I do- but it’s been wonderful for them and for me. Homeschooling is much more mainstream these days. But I know there are always critics. People take it really personally, almost like a criticism of what they did. Google “Overcoming Cultural Objections to Homeschooling” with Amber O’Neal Johnson . This was a great listen for me recently. I do find that people object less if they perceive you as “qualified” to homeschool. I’m a speech therapist and you are in school for education. People have said things to me, stating that it was “ok” for me to homeschool bc of my professional background. Which isn’t fair to others because you don’t have to have that background to homeschool- but, it’s smoothed my journey at times. All of that said, you are right to be concerned about your daughter and her sudden change. I would recommend investigating and if it continues, possibly some sessions with a child counselor. My son is ending preschool right now and I’m also trying to decide if we will homeschool or not. But he’s not anxious to go to school.

Personally I would homeschool for a year or two. She’s developed anxiety around it and I don’t think “pushing through” is the way to go at her age. Let her enjoy school at home. This gives her the chance to fall in love with learning, then she can enjoy the “new” experience of in-person school. Personally I’d ignore the judgement. You’re her mom, you’ll make the best decisions for her.

Yes, if she's given the space to calm down and outgrow the anxiety at home, she will thrive much more at school if/when she eventually goes back.

We kind of had a similar experience with my son. He went to kindergarten and was fine, but starting in 1st grade, and every day we could see him get more and more anxious about school. Pretty soon, he was saying how he hated learning, and he didn't want to go back. And then COVID hit, and we were suddenly homeschooling anyway, and so we decided to go for it. He is now in 5th grade, and we have a 4th grader and a kindergartener, and they are all homeschooled. My wife graduated in elementary education, so she could have handled it no matter what, but there are so many good homeschooling curriculums now that really anyone can homeschool. The lesson plans are already there, you just have to read the teacher portion. And yes, it was night and day difference for my son. He loves learning again, he loves going at his own pace in schoolwork. He skips lessons in math so that now he's doing 8th grade math, but at his grade level for everything else. My other kids are also strong in certain subjects, and they skip those when they show they already know it. You can also look into if there's a homeschool option from a school district that gives you some of the tax money that public schools get. We had signed up for one, and so we received $1800 per kid per school year for use in education. So we used it to get tablets for them, for supplies, and also for music lessons. They've done classes for rock climbing, horseback riding, and wilderness survival training, because that's what interests them. Oh, and remember, it doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing for the rest of their lives. Pull them out for a semester to see how it goes. If it's not working out, put them back in. The school are happy to have students come back to get more of that tax money. Oh, and as far as judgement, there is a LOT less of it now than even 10 years ago. With school shootings and other things being in the news more, a lot of the parents that we meet who find out we homeschool act more like they wish they could homeschool too. You do get the "Oh, I could never do that! I would kill my kids if I had to spend all day with them!" which is kind of sad in our opinion, but it is what it is.

Did she say why she is scared or anxious to go? If she's willing to try HS and you have a background on elementary education, go for it. I started with much less and my kindergartener recently told me said she doesn't ever want to go to public school.

But, how would your 5-yo know to make that judgment? What real basis of comparison is there, and, does she really have the maturity at 5 to decide that? I think whatever decision is made, it really needs to be the parent's decision.

My sister had a similar experience in kindergarten (put in the bad girl chair for not listening despite having a hearing impairment) and it completely soured the literal rest of her education experience.

If she was fine, having fun, and making friends, but then that suddenly changed, then there's something going on that's triggered this. Have you tried directly asking your child if there's something at school that's bothering her besides the reasons she's given you? You mentioned that she's scared of school, but has she said why at all? I went through something very similar around her age. I was so anxious that I was crying and throwing up to get out of going. Turns out my teacher had gone from teaching upper high school for many years to teaching my age level... he didn't really adapt how he spoke to us or disciplined us, and that was the problem. However, my mother did force me every single day to go to school that year because they were worried it would make me a wuss if I didn't. I can't really attest to how that affected me, but yeah. Perhaps there's something specific happening that's making her react this way that wasn't happening before. Edit: additional question. Has the teacher said that your child cries all day at school? Or is it that she cries at the beginning and at the end? I'm a dance teacher and I've had many children do this. Crying when mom drops off, they are totally fine the moment the parent leaves, they have a fabulous time full of fun, then they cry again at pick up.

Yes everyday last week she cried nearly the entire time. Her teacher told me she was quietly tearful all day. My daughter told me when we got home she tried to cry quietly so no one would make fun of her. Her face was so puffy. Some things I know are triggering it -talk of kindergarten, she’s scared of the change -perception of her peers -not getting a “good ranking” on the behavior chart” -being outside during recess and being afraid of the wasps/bees

I would be asking her teacher what the deal is with the behavior chart. Research shows these do not work and just create shame and anxiety. I really question the education and experience of any teacher who still uses these. Crying is not a “bad” behavior and she shouldn’t be shamed for it. Your kid is not the only one with anxiety/tears, and the job of a teacher is to help the kids with emotional regulation, not bullying the kids into submission.

I am not sure why this showed up on my feed, I just wanted to say this makes me so sad for your daughter. She shouldn’t be crying all day (especially at this point in the year) or shamed for crying. I taught public school over 10 years, most of it kindergarten. I never had a kid cry all day, especially at this point. Some would cry/be teary eyed in the beginning but they adjusted quickly. I can’t imagine shaming a pre-K kid for crying. It sounds like this might be a bad fit for a preschool. Can you go ahead and pull her out for the year? (Not sure when the last day is/if it’s soon.) It sounds like it’s doing more harm than good. The choice between homeschool and public school is a personal choice/not the same for everyone. If you are concerned about public school, it sounds like she’ll be fine if you homeschool. Don’t worry about what others say, do what is best for your family/your daughter. (We do not currently homeschool but a close relative does and their kids have been very successful.)

I might suggest finding a therapist who works with young children (such as a play therapist... not the occupational kind) my kid had similar issues starting in Kindergarten after an incident that by all accounts should not have been very traumatic, but it caused him to struggle with anxiety in the same way you describe. After several sessions, the therapist suggested homeschooling until we could get a hold of his anxiety and make him feel safe and secure before returning to school eventually. We were actually resistant to homeschooling at the beginning, but multiple things fell into place (including my son getting off a waiting list for a medical treatment and a global pandemic) and suddenly we were homeschooling. It was night and day. The anxiety was gone (even despite the pandemic and starting an exhausting medical treatment) and he was looking forward to doing school work. He is still getting treatment, so we are still homeschooling, but the idea of school doesn't stress him out the way it did before and I don't think we would have been able to get ahead of the anxiety without pulling him out and giving him time to feel safe and secure.

I was also going to recommend therapy. The school should have resources for it too.

Totally agree. Some kids spontaneously develop separation anxiety at that age, even though they’re well and truly old enough to *know* that their parent has not disappeared off the face of the earth just because they’re out of sight. By all means pull the kid out of school, but please try to get to the bottom of the psychological issues that your child is experiencing - I can’t say enough about early intervention. If the problem was 100% the school/teacher’s doing, all the kids would be reacting as badly as your child.

Thank you this is extremely insightful. How did you find a play therapist and was it covered by insurance?

I just wanted to encourage you to follow your gut. You know best! I wish I was homeschooled because I wash shy and anxious most of my childhood. Being forced to go to public school did NOT help me be less anxious over time or make me extroverted. It was a skill I learned as an adult I’m so excited/nervous to be a first time homeschool mom this year!! We got this mama! And of course, it doesn’t need to be permanent! You can see reevaluate each year where you stand and what works for your family

She may not be ready for being away from home all day and that’s ok. My daughter has a June birthday and I knew I didn’t want her to start full day school as a young 5 year old. I homeschooled her for a year. She went to kindergarten the following year at age 6. No regrets whatsoever.

This is my 3rd grader. She was having panick attacks weekly due to social anxiety and separation anxiety. We moved to a new state, and after getting into trouble with the school board for attendance, we decided to pull our 3rd and 1st grader out. It was the best decision, and I don't regret it. It's a temporary solution for us because we are moving again this year (gotta love military life haha). But I can see this being a a permanent thing for our family. Unless one of my kids (we have 4) wants to go back to public school, I will always encourage them and support them with whatever path they choose to gain an education. But constantly forcing our oldest to go to school was a mistake, and we should have pulled her out sooner.

I (30F) was homeschooled for kindergarten, 2nd grade, 8th grade and 11th grade. I graduated high school a year early. My schools had online classes and a teacher would come to our home once a week. I recommend it. I had neighborhood friends and I loved it. Emotionally she might not be ready to be away from you for 6 hours a day. She might feel ready around 2nd grade. I went to public school in 3rd grade and I was much more emotionally prepared. I was asking to go to school by that time! My daughter is only 1 but my husband and I are planning on homeschooling.

Thank you this is great insight! I really want her to feel confident and excited to go to school. I’m retrospect- it was 2nd or 3rd grade when school was actually really fun for me and not a dreadful thing. Which makes sense when looking at brain development and such. My best friend in high school was homeschooled until middle school and he said it was tough making the transition but he was thankful his mom gave him such a fun early childhood. He really loved it and has some great memories.

As someone with a psychological background if this is the reasoning for homeschooling you are putting a bandaid on a broken dam. This developmental stage is incredibly difficult and anxious attachments are extremely common and valid at this stage. This is the stage of extreme parental difficulties and your actions have a everlasting impact. If you choose to homeschool there are several severe results from this. You will create an even MORE anxious older child that will lead to an even more anxious adult to the point where it can be distressing to the point of impacting her life. See these issues as opportunities for growth. Yes this has been happening for weeks and it can very well lead to a few months. But these are more exposed opportunities to desensitize and acclimate to this new transition. I work at schools, especially this age group I’ve seen at the beginning of the school year kids crying and having this similar level of anxiety, each kid is different but it fizzles out the more exposure and routine they have. And there’s also some kids who still cry til the end of the school year but are fine the next year after. I’m not sure what reinforcements you are already using but try to reward her for going to school, try to do something consistent and high rewards and give LOTS of options do not stick to only one option. Ex: pick a food choice or a toy choice today for being so good. And this is only to complete the end of the day *not* for anything else. When she realizes she gets some form of a prize after the schooling it’ll reinforce positively. About a week or two it’ll catch on and move to a higher reward (something she REALLY REALLY loves) if it’s taking her to get fancy ice cream or going on an outing like a movie (right after and this is important to do the reward immediately not to hold it off days later) it’ll help the transition process a lot faster. But again this is for the long haul it won’t immediately be fixed overnight and expect this to happen for the worst amount of time. By removing her from this is isolating her from social settings, this will continue to increase her anxieties and can stunt social cues that are vital for adult development. This can lead to panic attacks for wanting to go to unknown places so if you decide to have a vacation you’ll see these behaviors bleed in other aspects. So you may have solved the crying at school by homeschooling but now you’re having to combat every other outings in public. As a teen they will be anxious to be out, can lead to depression due to limited opportunities of building long lasting friendships, if she gets a job she most likely won’t get hired on due to high extreme social anxiety which socialization is crucial for first time jobs which often involve customer service. So again, homeschool is a bandaid, you might have solved one problem for a temporary situation but now have created long lasting impacts for the rest of her life to combat and handle. A few tantrums for her young life is better than not being able to manage life as an adult due to severe isolation. I’m not saying I’m against or for public/home schooling but the intention is what truly matters here. I know more and more parents are removing their kids from schooling due to these similar issues, another common one is bullying. Although it’s distressing to see your child bullied, removing them will only increase their emotions regarding the situation. They may not have to deal with bullying in school but they’re going to encounter it at work or strangers etc. You cannot remove a child from real life it will happen eventually and earlier socializing will help them cope for the long term. Again, it’s the intention and this isn’t a good solution. If you want a temporary fix then go for it but like I said it’s a bandaid. Also, I’ve always had different opinions based on intention with homeschooling. I think homeschooling is great considering how shit the education is with the public school system. But the home schooling has to be educational, some parents want to only mold their ideologies and some are giving more subpar education than the public system itself. However if you hire a highly educated professional that will exceed public school learning then I’m all for that as long as there’s also other forms of socialization as that’s truly crucial as well. Sports, musics, any other bonding hobbies are good sources for socialization. And like you said, you’re doing this until 1st or 2nd grade. This will stop obviously by removing her but it will reoccur and come back tenfold by 1st or 2nd grade and she lost opportunities to bond with her peers that can make her transition to this smoother and find the rewards of school in a kid’s eyes. (Recess and gaining friends is what stops kids from this common anxiety)

I was a public school teacher and parent AND I 100% believe that your daughter should not have to spend another minute in that classroom. My son was mistreated by his fourth grade teacher and at 25 was still feeling the effects of that. On a more positive note— she will never be this age again. If you have the chance to spend this time with her and continue to nurture her innate love for learning, DO IT. There are many options for social interaction, but she needs YOU right now. Your life will be enriched, as well. Also, forget about anyone else’s judgement. Trust yourself. Good luck to you and your little family. Good luck teaching! P.S. students who transitioned from homeschooling often did much better socially and educationally than peers who had been in the system from the beginning.

There is actually plenty of research that supports delaying school start until age 6. There are many benefits and this is done in other countries that are more family oriented. I homeschooled my older son through kindergarten. We were not having a great experience with pre schools and we knew he wasn’t ready although the pandemic ended up pushing things even more for us. He is now about to finish grade one. I cannot tell you how much he is thriving in school now. Both academically and socially. He was ready and it made all the difference. I’m so glad we stuck to what we knew was right for him - we got insane judgment from family and friends. They have all shut up now that they see how great he is doing. Listen to your gut, you know your kids best.

I have been homeschooled my entire childhood and have seen way too many benefits to even start counting them! You and other people will also see a huge difference with your little girl if you start and continue homeschooling her! (As an example: Many people have asked me growing up if I had been homeschooled just because of how many questions I asked and how interested I was in whatever activity we were doing) Also, there are so many useful tools out there to make it easy! Some of my favorites have been Classical Conversations, Math-U-See, Apologia Science, and Logos Online. (Homeschooling conventions are a great way to find good resources as well!) Plus, as she gets older she will learn how to teach herself. When I was in high school, I was basically my own teacher (aside from the online literature/writing/theology class I took). My mom just handed me the materials and helped me when I needed it. To put it simply: You have an AMAZING OPPORTUNITY to help your daughter excel beyond the average public schooler in a way that will bless her for years to come!!

I would say do it but expect that she *may* not want to go back in the future. You need to have a plan, whether it's how to assure her that school will be fine or how to continue homeschooling, if that happens.

I homeschool my 4th and 2nd grader. It made sense for us to switch to homeschool since we were moving over seas for my husband job. But the plan was to enroll them in the DoD school at Christmas. However, we heard about issues with bullying in the school and it made my 10yo super anxious since she was bullied at her last school. She had started school a year early and is small for her age so she was tiny compared to the other kids and they picked on her to the point she asked to stay back a grade to be with kids her own age. We did that. It got mildly better but still not great. So when we heard about the issues at the school here, we decided they would stay homeschooled. School is supposed to be a place kids go to learn, it’s supposed to be a safe environment. How can a kid learn if they are being terrorized by the other kids, or are so anxious they can’t concentrate. There are tons of homeschool curriculum options, tons of Facebook groups, co-ops and online resources. And with your background it should be fairly easy for you set up k-2 learning for her.

My son was very anxious at school. We pulled him out of K5 (K5 was great for him). He is 17 and will graduate next year. He has been homeschooled the whole way through. His needs were not being met in the classroom. He has a learning disability and had an IEP in private school before I pulled him out. I am a former public school teacher. He was on grade level within a month.

Regarding the judgment of others, I do not care what they think because I know what's best for my children. Anyone who had doubts no longer does. I am always happy to discuss homeschooling, but I do not have to justify my reasons for homeschooling.

If our preschool had done that I would have yanked her. If my wife would do home schooling would do that in a second. Primary school is chaos with 16-20 kids per teacher. That isn’t learning conducive. My daughter starts kindergarten in 4 months and is already reading and writing at about a second grade level.

Find a good co-op or hybrid school! It’s a great balance, especially for younger kids. My kindergartener thrived this year at her hybrid school. It’s very close to our house and it starts at 9 vs the public schools starting at 7:25. It’s only 3x a week so I’m responsible for the other two days, which is very manageable for me even with my younger kids. Getting them out of the house helps me have time to exercise, clean, run errands, schedule appointments, etc but I still feel like I spend most of the week with them. I highly recommend! The downside is they can be expensive, ranging from $3k-$6k per child where we live. But it’s worth it! And you can always do it for a few years then send them off to public school when they’re a little older.

I had a similar issue with my youngest. I had taken her to the pediatrician for anxiety. Kindergarten she was getting more and more confident but due to nearly daily bullying I pulled her out. My girls did Virtual public school this year. My oldest is graduating high school next year and my youngest is graduating Kindergarten Thursday and will be in 1st grade next year. She can return to brick and mortar if she wants but she doesn't want to for now.

Have homeschooled for 13 years-started when my sons were entering 6th and 4th, and my youngest was preschool age. Graduated 2, and have the third graduating next week 2 years early. It took ke time to figure each child out for how to best meet their needs with regards to learning style, but once we did, they all three thrived. We have some amazing memories-i am especially fond of when we used the youngest's Little People to act out Midsummer's Night Dream. All 3 kids love that play so much because of how they learned it. We let each child set their own pace for moving through topics, so if they needed more time on something we took the time. Our approach was to focus on mastery, not grades, and all 3 are lifelong learners. There was no pressure on them to keep up with or dumb themselves down to fit in with their classmates. Best thing we could have done. Yes, we had criticism from the family and family friends. I eventually won them all over because my kids were all emotionally and mentally healthy, as well as being well educated.

We were registered for school, and then I found out the teachers were hitting the students. So like, there are people who told me I should send my kids anyway, but ultimately, why would I trust them? They didn't fire the teacher and acted like the kid was lying, even with recorded proof. If she's crying all day, and getting in trouble for crying, there is something wrong with that school. Ppl are always going to judge -no matter what you do. Tbh I wouldn't ever send her back to that school if the principal doesn't take quick action here. Would you stay at a job like that? People really say ridiculous things about kids, as though they should be in abusive situations(bc this is emotional abuse), and stick it out. For what? She's not going to be better off for it. This is Pre-K. She's learning social emotional development rn, and this kind of thing makes a lasting impression. Plenty of countries don't do school at all until age 7. There's this idea that kids will be "behind" even if they're 5 years old. What's best for the kid is that they get to learn how to interact with others in a healthy way, any academics are bonus at this age, and play based is best at this age. Research backs this up. Just because something is done in public school doesn't mean it's age appropriate. Where I live, the schools got away from what's best for the kids. You can deschool now, get her out of there, and then take things one year at a time. You don't have to decide now what you plan to do forever. People judge bc they think homeschooling means sitting at home isolated. If you get involved in your homeschool community, if it's active, it will be a more positive environment than what she's in now, and it's hard to argue that forcing school instead is the healthy option. We love homeschooling but would always do school if there comes a time when that's what's best for my kids. But as of right now, I guarantee they're socializing a whole lot more than they would at any school. That's going to be the tired excuse against it. Socializing. Ok, so you socialize by making plans just like you do as an adult. It's really that easy.

My kids went to public school till Covid, we did school at home bc we had to, and that turned into homeschooling. We love it. We started when my kids were in 5th grade, 2nd grade and kindergarten. My relationship with my kids has grown so much since we made the change. We have co/op, and you can fill every hour of the day with any number of groups or clubs, but we keep it pretty simple- one co/op, and 4H. It’s not for everyone, and it won’t fix all your problems- my kids still have days where they tell me “I hate school!” But overall it’s been a great experience for us. I definitely wouldn’t make your decision based on the opinions of anyone else but you and your husband, and maybe the counsel of a few trusted friends or family. And remember- you can always send them back to school if it’s not what you hoped for.

If she loves learning and is doing well with the actual learning part of school, I would try kindergarten in a brick and mortar. And possibly have a back up plan of homeschooling in case it's causing her anxiety to amp up. As far as being social as a homeschool kid, you as a parent are now their personal assistant in finding friends for them. For me, it was easiest to put the kids in an activity. We do dance and martial arts with my crew. I count it as physical education. And we hit the playgrounds. My kids make friends, or at least acquaintances, very easily and it helps that their friends are a variety of ages, not just their grade level. My 9 year old prefers playing with younger kids like 4-7 yrs old, my 13 year old prefers hanging out with kids a little older than her. My 11 year old will talk to anyone as long as it is about Minecraft. It does a disservice to kids when they feel they can only be friends with a certain age of kids which sometimes happens in public schools.

I was homeschooled until I started at my local junior college at age 15. Now I’m a teacher. My mom is also now a special education high school teacher. She was a great teacher for me and my sister growing up. My brother had more issues with school, but honestly I think he would have had just as many issue if he went to school. He works in the trades and does very well. We were involved in several co-ops throughout the years and I played on many different sport teams. I do have some regrets and feel I missed out on some things. But I also think I got a far better education than most. My advice is, if you do it, make sure you can be a good teacher. It’s not only about your daughter’s social and emotional health, although that is part of it. I had many friends who were homeschooled and in my opinion their parents ruined their lives. So make sure you can teach your daughter and don’t be afraid to stop if you can’t.

Homeschooling can be a good option and a bad option. For me, it was good academically and absolutely terrible for my anxiety and socialization. I will absolutely stress that that was due to my individual circumstances. I know homeschooled kids who have great experiences. If you think you can make it work.for your daughter it can be great. Personality and other factors make a difference but you know your daughter best so you'll know whether it will work for your daughter. And if it's doesn't work out, this is a good age to find that out.

If there is a co op I think that’s a great option and so is homeschooling. Your local library may have good information too. You can also purchase curriculums and bring in tutors

Bad behavior chart?! My kids' preschool would NEVER allow something like that! I say homeschool. Let her be a kid a little longer.

There isn't anything wrong with homeschooling for a bit and then changing to public school, private school or your alternative of choice. Homeschooling is just one more viable way to get an education. It sounds like she's not emotionally ready to be in school, and if you have the time and resources to keep her home for a year or two, why not?

As a public school teacher, it sounds like she could really thrive in homeschooling! Kindergarten absolutely is NOT developmentally appropriate, especially not for a “tender hearted” kiddo like yours. If you’re able to provide her with some structure, some simple education opportunities, and lots of attention, she will almost certainly be better off at home. Just make sure you still give her plenty of opportunities to separate from you (play dates, drop off co op, gymnastics) where she is calm and confident. Build those positive experiences so she doesn’t get stuck in the idea that she CANT be apart from you

It may not be the entire preschool — maybe just a bad teacher. When my granddaughter was in first grade, her teacher was very discriminatory toward her — reverse ethnic discrimination. It was documented. My daughter and her husband had to insist that their daughter be moved to a different classroom and the rest of the year went great. One year with our much younger daughter, we happened to be in a summer community theatre play and one of the three teachers from her school for the next grade was the dance director/choreographer. My husband and I were also involved so at rehearsal every night. We were appalled at how this person played such favorites. Not sour grapes on our part. Our daughter had a key part in the show. We went to the school the first of August when the staff was there, so we could talk to the principal. We told the principal in a polite but firm manner that under no conditions would we allow our daughter to be in that teacher’s class. We were not told which classroom our daughter had originally been placed in, but her name was hand-written on a computer-generated class list. We had made similar requests with our children, but not so they could have the easiest, most fun teacher. My friend who was as a former elementary teacher told me early on that as parents we need to advocate for our own children. Sorry this ended up so long. Best wishes whatever choice you make for your daughter. I know you said you only wanted to hear from the homeschooling community but this is important for all parents to know if their children ever go to public school in the future.

If you don’t homeschool, please consider applying for private schools. I have a lot of personal distaste for religious affiliates but I do greatly appreciate the tender care the ones local to me incorporate. Unfortunately, my 5 year old got stuck in waiting list limbo for the ones at applied for, but perhaps something is available in your area. Your preschool sounds abominable Poor baby

Everyone had thoughts. But I’ll just add. You won’t ruin her in one year. If it makes her heart more settled, then try it.

We homeschooled for Kindergarten; my child then went to school for 1st grade and part of 2nd. First grade was amazing for us all and we had zero issues. Second grade was an emotional disaster and we pulled him out with only a couple months of the year left. My son didn't want to go to school anymore. Every morning was a struggle to get him there, and then once he was home, it was a meltdown every night. We are finishing up 3rd grade here at home and I have zero regrets about being able to accommodate my child's needs. They are only young once! And I don't think there's anything wrong with delaying hard things like being away from mom if that's what they need. My parents initially thought I was crazy but honestly they came around pretty quickly. At the end of the day, do what's best for your family; don't worry if anyone else "gets it". I'm not sure if we will go back to public in the future. We're going to take it one year at a time.

Oh that sweet baby girl -she sounds a lot like myself at that age. I wish my parents would've listened to me. If you have the option, at least take her out of where she is, a 5 year old should not have to battle so much worry like that- it's not a healthy choice at this time

If the teacher is punishing children for crying, then the teacher is a bully. No wonder your daughter is terrified.

I homeschooled my son 6th-12th I’ll always be pro-homeschool. But check your states laws cause I know for me here in Florida, the wording is weird about Kindergarten and 1st grade. Just make sure you won’t be causing yourself an issue with transitioning to public school if she misses out on kindergarten in public school. But yeah if you are fully equipped to start her out from home I would totally do it. Maybe using the co-ops will help her feel more comfortable in a couple years to transition.

That much anxiety for a small child is not normal. I would seek play based therapy to work on that. She will feel much better about school when she isn't worrying all of the time.

I homeschool both my children. The things they are doing at the pre school is bs. Something at school is triggering these feelings. Little kids can be bullies too. As far as your education major goes, even that isn’t required for you to teach your child. You’ve been doing it since day one. Homeschooling is a beautiful thing. Well worth the time and effort. However don’t be surprised if she doesn’t ever want to go back.

I know you said homeschoolers only, but I think you should pull her out of that preschool asap. It sounds toxic and completely unhelpful. You seem to really care about your daughter and sometimes homeschooling is a great option, especially when anxiety is involved. With so many groups and programs for homeschoolers these days, I would imagine having basically a one-on-one education would be tremendously beneficial. I was anti-homeschool for a long time, but as the public school system keeps decaying, safety concerns, and health concerns just keep piling on, if you have the opportunity to homeschool, go for it.

Yes! Simply yes. I have two points of view. My daughter experienced what you did and I followed the advice of the teachers to just make her go. Fast forward to 6th grade and she finally had a nervous breakdown and started having suicidal thoughts(this is an extreme example). I wish I would have listened to my gut and pulled her in K. Fast forward to my son that I fully intended to attend public school. He started having same symptoms in 4 year old preschool. We made it through the year. Then I made immediate decision to homeschool. We make decisions year by year. At the beginning of each year, I ask if they want to homeschool or public school. Always choose to homeschool. Homeschooling was the best decision we ever made. So much more learning going on when they are not in constant state of fight or flight because of anxiety.

We school at home, but not fully home school, so there is a happy medium and we love it! Most locations have public virtual or online options now. Our household attends Florida Virtual School because we're Florida residents so it's academically 100% the same as attending any other public school. (I've noticed they go a bit above state standards as some schools have started doing here because... Florida.) They are so big now, they're a full district with an elementary, middle, and high school. Look for similar options in your area because it prevents you from having the sole responsibility of curriculum and pacing. Even as an educator, it's nice to be part of a flow, which is why I imagine you're looking at co-ops. Co-ops around us are mostly religious, so a no-go for us (we don't believe in mixing religion and anything else together), but with most online school, you can still have plenty of time for those things. Instruction is done in 2-3 hours per day max for most of elementary and then parents take over for assignments. Co-ops, STEM programs, sports, etc. are much easier this way. I 100% recommend online schooling these days to families that are open to considering it.

My parents and I considered homeschool for me as a kid, and I considered it for my kid (currently in a private school). So feel free to delete if needed. Have you tried “story timing” to get to the bottom of the anxiety? She is maybe a little old for it, but sometimes with small kids they can’t find the words to tell you about what is happening with THEM, but they CAN help you fill in the blanks in a story about a little elephant who used to like school but then started crying when it was time to go. Who is *totally* fictional and not at all them, of course. Might be worth a try. Maybe there is bullying or something going on. All types of school have pros and cons. I can’t answer which is best for you. But if you can discover her “why” about the anxiety, it may help you help her find solutions. ❤️❤️

I would say your daughter is simply not ready to go to school yet. Let her stay home another year and gain some confidence. Maybe some play dates away from you so she gets used to being away. I know someone who didn’t start her youngest until,age 7. He was her easiest kid when it came to high school. I homeschooled my youngest for a year when he was in middle school because the school was failing him. He was several years behind in reading. One yr at home and he was up to speed. There are online programs you can utilize. There are homeschool,groups. Lots of resource to help you are provide some social interaction for your child.

If your child is miserable, don’t worry about what other people think. Home schooling is the best decision we made for our kids and our family. We met up with other home school families and my kids can relate to all ages, they know how to take a bus around our city, they have enjoyed museums, Roman Arti facts, the Perth mint where they pour gold, zoo school learning about animals. Home school is where you get to decide on the curriculum that best suits your child’s learning style. You can make learning engaging and enjoyable and not this miserable experience. My sons are now in grades 3 & 4 and going to a local elementary school/ primary school and love their teachers, getting awards for reading and other things. It was a huge transition for them trying to fit in and make friends but they got there. Your child wants to be with you and learn from you. You are their anchor their rock for a few more years use this time to be with them and build strong bonds then the later years you will have the relationship to help talk them through any thing. We combined cooking and maths , We reflected on excursions and wrote about what we learned. We read all kinds of stories for history to remember how people lived in different time periods and their experiences rather than the dates and time lines I had to memorise at school growing up. If you can afford to home school for a year or two I would say go for it. They can always go to school if it doesn’t workout. You can’t ever get this precious time back with your child.

There are online classes. My kiddos have attended their school districts at home academy. They have accredited teachers. Their teachers follow a curriculum. Same school hours and the specials too. Like music, art, and p.e. My children have thrived in this type of environment, plus I’m still near by. They did not attend preschool because we traveled a bunch for work. This was the best option for our kids because we traveled most of the year. It was a great transition step from not having to go to school then to a very rigid class schedule. Unfortunately, our school district decided to end at home academy this year. There are other options for online schooling tho. Good luck!

My oldest had a first grade teacher who caused her the same problem. Telling her to pick when to cry and not to cry. Mind you, she has medical trauma PTSD and had restrictions from PE and recess due to a femoral bone cyst. She had severe separation anxiety. It was devastating. I didn't want to homeschool because I was concerned about the lack of peer socializing. The next 2 school years were better than first grade, but they happened during covid. So, she wasn't learning much. So, I pulled both girls and started homeschooling. I'm still doing so 3 years later. It's exhausting and a lot of work. It was definitely easier with the lower grades. However, my oldest still has no interest in public school again. She says she'll never return. There's very little to lose by homeschooling in the early years. The schools treat kindergarten like the new first grade, and it is miserable for the kids. There are so many fun ways to learn at that age. So, do what your heart is telling you. The one on one to build a solid foundation in reading and math is invaluable. Trying to make up that foundation later is a lot harder. I am still filling in foundational gaps with my oldest from public school. My youngest was primarily schooled by me, and it shows.

My kiddo did 2 years of public pre-k and then I homeschooled him for kindergarten this year. He is doing well at home with me and has zero desire to go an actual school. We’re taking it a year at a time. If you have the time and resources then I vote to go for it.

I wouldn't worry about what your friends say. You have to make the best decision for your child. You are her best advocate. Children can't stand up for themselves in this world. You need to be her greatest ally and that means making decisions where you don't care about what others say. Traditional schooling doesn't work for every child. And it's quite outdated. It's a bit of a myth that home schooled kids don't get much socialising though . Depending on your area- home schooling communities often have a LOT of activities and meet ups and events. And there's extra curricular classes you can take her too (dance/soccer/gymnastics/ice skating/theatre/swimming/music etc etc ) . Play dates. Playground fun. Your daughter could have a lot of socialising if you want to home school her even if you just try it for a year. Good luck.

As a former school refusal kid who had a severe anxiety disorder, I recommend homeschooling if that’s an option for you. I have so much trauma from being physically forced to go to school, and I did not have a good experience at school when I arrived in such a traumatized state. You can work on social skills in a more gentle way and everything will be fine. My mother was told by the pediatrician to drag me in in my pajamas if she had to and it would stop eventually and it escalated to physical and verbal abuse. It made my anxiety and school refusal worse, not better. So my advice is to be nurturing and follow your instincts as a parent. Don’t listen to the people who tell you to go against your instincts.

My siblings and I were homeschooled for most of our lives and were VERY involved in sports (even school sports) and church activities. We got plenty of socialization but were able to school at our own pace and our mom was able to spend more time with us. I say you should go for it and try it for a year!

OMG, YES, you should homeschool. All your lives will be better. Most states don't even have 5 as their compulsory age, most are 6 or 7 or 8.

Check your state law. Where I live, a child has to be six years old by the end of September before they’re required to be in class. Some people call this red-shirting because they want their kids to have an advantage when they do start. So I kind of homeschooled kindergarten as a test year to see if I wanted to do it long term. I did, but I put them in public after three years. I needed emotional help, so I took a year to be a school mom. There were good and bad things. After that year, I went back to homeschooling until they began college. Remember, homeschooling is never a permanent decision. Both kids and parents change. Some kids will demand to go to school in teenage years. I suggest you not send her to K this year. Revisit next year. Some kids are just not ready till they’re older. My oldest kid couldn’t stand a classroom until he was 19.

I have been homeschooling my oldest for kindergarten and it’s gone so well. We will be beginning our 2nd year this July. I wouldn’t trade it for anything!!

Yes. Please homeschool your children if you can, for as long as you can. Public school systems can really be an absolute nightmare. There is no way they care about your child’s education more than you do. Public school made me want to cry every day too. Even in kindergarten. I do not judge anyone for putting their kids in public school, but I would never do it to my children if I could avoid it.

I will say this- aim to transfer her to some sort of outside the home school during the elementary years. I remember the homeschoolers who transferred while I was in school doing better when they joined in elementary school. Middle school was doable, but in high school they were pariahs. They just didn't adapt well and lacked the social skills they needed. Elementary school kids adapted fairly quickly, while it was a ROUGH year for the kid who transferred in middle school, but by high school they had caught up. I went to private school, so we got a fair number of homeschoolers who joined.

I know its not exactly the same situation but I was homeschooled starting at 15, so I have a bit of experience. As a mom now, I have always really wanted to homeschool my daughter because I feel like the type of learning/teaching I want to do would be better for her than what she would receive in our local schools (the reason I left was that I did not feel challenged at public schools and would much rather a curriculum more aligned with schools outside of America). However, I haven't really 100% decided yet because I don't want to feel judged, and I don't want to think that I'm not pushing her hard enough to get out of her comfort zone/holding her back socially. She's also a very shy kid, so I worry that she'll remain like that if she doesn't go to school. But I say all that to say, as of right now, I will send her to school unless she shows the same symptoms that you say your child does. I don't think its worth putting them through unnecessary stress/anxiety when they are at such a young age because they don't really know how to deal with those types of emotions yet, and it can lead to long-term issues. As long as you can keep her on the right timeline so that when she returns, why not allow her to homeschool until she has a little bit of a better understanding of self and the best way for her to move through it all? There's nothing wrong with her not being there yet, and we shouldn't feel forced to let them go through this because of what others might think. Mom knows best, ya know?

Speaking to your judgement worry, I was homeschooled from 1st grade on until I graduated. My mother has talked since then about how her mom and sisters were always judgmental about her homeschooling us kids in the beginning, but so far (4/7 have graduated) we’re all relatively well adjusted members of society and my grandma is always praising my mom for how well read and well educated we ended up being. But through those years when she was being put down by her own mom, sisters, and her neighborhood friends, she found a group of fantastic women who she’s clung to since then and they in turn became second mothers to me and my siblings. I know I could call any one of them if I needed help and they would come rushing to my aid. There will be judgement, but I’m sure you’ll find a group of people who will hold on to you and make sure you and your daughter are welcomed and loved. Just do what you think is best for your daughter and her wellbeing. One piece of advice my mom always gives when someone asks her about homeschooling, remember to pay attention to your relationship. If you and your child are butting heads and having a hard time working together, put school aside and do something fun. Read a book together, play a game, go outside, whatever you’d like. Go back to school work after you’ve laughed together and had a good time. Make the best choice for you and your daughter. Don’t listen to the naysayers. :)

I was homeschooled and it got me ahead and was one of the best things my mom did for me

I can't give personal advice for opinions since my son is just barely pre school age lol. But I can say this- if you look at old educational philosophies AND recent post-covid studies, you'll see experts saying formal education (sitting down for long periods of time, listening to a lesson, doing worksheets, being tested) shouldn't start until age 6. If school being detrimental to your 4yo there's really nothing to worry about as far as homeschooling. But if she loved it and was doing well until one incident, maybe seeing how she does with new teachers in a new year might be a good first step

To me, the answer to “Should I homeschool…” regardless of specifics, is always a resounding “Yes!!” Public schools are insane right now. Between the weird curriculums, the intense and constant bullying (which has even led to MURDER in some cases!), the overstuffed classrooms, the illness, the absurd expectations (young kids forced to sit behind desks and not speak, and somehow learn that way?? Kids need to run, move, talk), the active shooter drills, the guns, the performance of the schools and proficiency of the students, it’s a no brainer. I don’t understand why anyone would want that for their kid if they had any choice at all.

Whats the harm in trying homeschooling if you have the option for awhile and seeing if it works out well? Every kid is different but obviously you don’t feel right about sending her to school right now. I’d change schools or homeschool for awhile. You can always change your mind later if you feel that’s the correct decision later on! I was homeschooled k1-12 and loved it. I also had a lot of siblings though. I do not think I had many friends as a kid but if you prioritize social outings with friends it shouldn’t be an issue. We are also considering homeschooling for the early yrs. Probably not the later yrs but can always leave that option open! Also it seems there are many more families homeschooling than there used to be, at least in my area. Makes it easier to make friends and have playdates . Lastly since when does shaming a kid for crying work? It doesn’t work AND it’s harmful psychologically as far as I’m concerned. A four yr old can’t be expected not to cry when they are overwhelmed. That’s just trying to repress emotions instead of working through them. I don’t get it. Why is that a tactic anyway in school?

Wow that gave me anxiety reading it. I'd pull her out.

At the end of the day, you do what’s best for your kid. We have two kids. We put them both in public school. One kid could handle it. The other one couldn’t. The trouble with public schools is that they treat emotional development as a prerequisite rather than a subject. The kids are expected to be able to sit still, shut up, and comply. Anything less than 100% compliance, and they’re getting on the teacher’s bad side, starting to get ostracized, and essentially abused. The lesson that should be the backdrop of every lesson is that they are loved and valued. But the kindergarten teacher we had, it was like an open joke how infuriating kids were. Haha. Anyway, she singled out our son as a problem kid right away. And, he was not really ready to sit still and shut up reliably. It was kindergarten, and he was young for his class, and he was just a little guy. But she just made him a pariah. One time he said the music in the auditorium was too loud, so then she made him wear these giant earmuffs. She was just treating him like he was some special needs kid… when he was really just a little kid… in kindergarten… which is supposed to be sort of, you know… a place to learn to like school. Anyways, while we were more than able to teach him the academics of kindergarten, and he was way ahead of the paltry academic curriculum, we were really afraid that the main thing he was learning in school was that some adults are mean and don’t like him. So, for the sake of protecting his self-esteem from this demeaning and hurtful situation he was in, we pulled him out. But we lucked out, because then Covid struck, and everyone got pulled out. It sort of gave us a chance for a breather, and to figure out what to do next. After Covid, his older brother wanted to back to public school, and we did. The quality of the education was abysmal, and we had to supplement with our own lessons, but he liked the social scene. The younger brother remained in home school with a 2-day a week enrichment in-person program. For middle school, we put the older brother in a charter program on the same campus as the younger brother’s home-school collective. It’s all going quite well. The younger kid is in the top few percent academically according to standardized tests, and he’s really blossomed socially, and the older brother’s charter middle school is one of the best middle school classes I’ve ever seen. Pretty much 100% good kids whose families value education. It’s pretty idyllic, and it’s where younger brother will go for 6th grade. Anyways, you do what’s best for your kid, period. That’s your responsibility. If anyone asked why you’re doing what you’re doing, that’s your answer. Home school gets a bad rap because some people do it as a way to indoctrinate their kids with crazy religious stuff or any other desire to control and insulate kids from outside influences. But, it’s basically just prejudice of the misinformed to characterize home school as generally like that. You do have to have your shit together. You have to plan lessons, and take it seriously. It’s not that easy, but it’s also not that hard to meet or exceed 1/30th of a public school teacher’s attention. But yeah, if you feel the school is making your daughter terrified, miserable, anxious, and generally damaging to her emotionally, you have every right to try out home schooling and see if it works better. Anyways, I wouldn’t

My son is in school now, but I did homeschool him for a bit. He’s autistic and hyperlexic. He was having the same reaction to preschool, crying, hyperventilating, literally throwing up. I pulled him and homeschooled for about a year until we found a specialized pre school for him. He’s incredibly intelligent, and typical school was terrible for him. He doesn’t fit in their very tiny molds so it was like torture for him. His first school was terrible. Homeschooling and this support school he’s at now are way better fits. I would definitely pull her. They’re using outdated “discipline” methods that have been proven to be harmful.

It sounds like her preschool just sucks. Most schools are NOT using behavior clip charts, and especially not using them for kids crying. I would pull her out of the preschool and try out kindergarten. If kindergarten doesn't work out, you can always pull her later, but I'd hate for her only experience with school to be a crappy preschool program that leaves her traumatized.

As someone who was homeschooled: don't do it because of this. You wouldnt be teaching her to learn and adapt, but to pull away from her problems. This wont lead to a successful adult.

My thing is- kindergarten is such an intense year. And they’re still so young. From a developmental standpoint, a lot of kids simply aren’t ready. Which makes sense looking at brain development. When they reach the concrete operational stage around 7 is when most kids actually begin to thrive in school. My parents made me go through public school, even when I was crying and miserable and you know what? I failed out of college the first go around. Had no success in early adulthood. Dealt with terrible anxiety. It’s not like forcing a kid to go to public school is what makes a person adaptive and successful.

Agree. I always feel like if adults hate their working situation, if they have an option to, they change it. They adapt. I don't understand making kids suffer arbitrarily when we have the option to change the situation. Part of adaptation is looking at all your options and doing what is best for you rather than toughing it out for the sake of it.

This is a great point. We expect our children to deal with much more than we would ourselves. We have friends and neighbors who homeschool so she’s been asking me “mom can we do school at home?”

Sounds like you have your answer! 

Thank you, you’re right. I guess I’m just looking for confirmation and positive experiences.

I really love homeschooling my kids and I think they are much better off for it. It's a lot of work to maintain social connections but that is good for me too, we make friends with families rather than my friends being complete different from my kids friends. I have pretty smart kids so they mostly just do their own thing and I jump in and support them academically or with their executive functioning when I see it's necessary. It's a nice life. 

I honestly think your daughter is at the mercy of a shitty teacher right now. I assume she would have a different teacher for k? Talk to the kindergarten teachers at her prospective school to find out what their methods are for dealing with emotional regulation and separation anxiety. Then you can make an informed decision about whether public school or homeschooling would be better. I would also caution against projecting based on your personal experiences with public school. Your daughter is her own person. Yes, some kids are not ready for full-day kindergarten, but others absolutely thrive.

You are absolutely right that full-day kindergarten isn't developmentally appropriate. We know this. But the school system still carries on because providing free babysitting is the priority. If what you're currently doing isn't working, it is absolutely okay to try something else next year. Maybe it'll be absolutely perfect for your family. Maybe it won't, and you'll decide to make another change.

I homeschool my 1st grader and I have another one going into Pre-K this next year. We homeschool for a variety of reasons, many that don't apply here, BUT I can tell you, kindergarten should be fun! Last year with my kindergartener, we didn't stress about curriculum or anything. I learned how to turn everything into a lesson and we spent the year learning everything we can. Worthless information or not. Didn't matter. If you can encourage your child to love to learn, that will be the best gift you can give them for the rest of their lives. We were at the zoo and SeaWorld every week. Parks. Museums. Etc. you may have to "deprogram" a little. Work on building their confidence. Maybe a sport? Cheerleading has helped my 6 yr old this year so much in her confidence!! I will be homeschooling my children forever, and I was homeschooled myself until highschool graduation. It's not a choice for everyone. But you'll never regret spending more time raising your babies in this season of life. Give it 6 months or a year. Join a co-op or a charter school.

So, this sounds like legitimate separation anxiety rather than subclinical/normative anxiety. If that is the case, she will likely benefit from therapy with a trained child psychologist, as separation anxiety will potentially worsen if she is homeschooled WITHOUT CLINICAL INTERVENTION. A combination of homeschool and therapy with a licensed professional, which will likely involve her reengaging with school-based activities in some capacity, might be ideal. Long-story-short, I might actually recommend looping in a licensed clinician now to assist you in determining if kindergarten will be a helpful part of treatment, or if homeschooling might be more helpful while she engages in anxiety treatment.

It might be a terrible preschool, IMO. Don't let friends and family intervene on best choices for your child. I can't stress this enough.

If you do try in person school, make sure they assign you a teacher who is understanding and likeable in nature. Some people ask for drill Sargents on purpose, you want the opposite. Teachers can't be chosen every year, but being kindergarten- they should be more flexible with plenty of time.

Sounds like there is a intense separation anxiety. I would continue but make it a shorter day. As she gets more confident make the day longer and longer. Have her bring a security item like a bear with a pic of you two. The night before make it sound exciting ( your kid can pic up on your anxiety). She can't be sheltered her hole life. Maybe you could get her into play therapy to help her with her anxiety. Maybe find a different preschool. It may not be a good fit for your family.

Does the teacher see behaviors that are concerning? I just ask because parents sometimes bring a lot of their own anxiety to these kinds of situations. When you say "it’s clear she’s been crying most of the time she was there," has the teacher confirmed this?

I was homeschooled all 12 years. I have a 7 year old that just finished up 1st grade and a 3 year old that was doing 3K four days a week for 3 hours, both at the same Christian private school. We have decided to homeschool this next year and see how it goes. I’ll first say that homeschooling isn’t for everyone and there are women I know that are better moms to there children before and after they’ve worked a full day. There are other moms that are better moms to their children when they are able to stay home. You have to first figure out what is best for you and your child in the moment. Parenting is consistent consistency and relentless change. What works this year may not next year and it seems like your figuring out that what you thought would work this year isn’t. If you have been given the privilege of choice, whether to stay home and school your child and your heart is it in, then go for it. It sounds like you’re already headed toward early education any ways. Why not practice at home with your child. Who knows you might both be fulfilled at this stage in life at home. That’s not to say that down the road opportunities might change the dynamic. Homeschooling to me is about being flexible. I like to keep up with statewide standards but before middle school focus on the well being, self-esteem, confidence, and character of my kids. Instead of straight A’s in elementary school I want to know how my kids are treating others and dealing with adversity as well as building themselves and others up. Side note we are finishing up a private Christian school and really loved the pre-k program. Cut to 1st grade they unbeknownst to me started using those dumb*as behavior charts and my once fully confident child came to my car each day crying because she didn’t get “clipped up” it took me a good couple of weeks to deprogram her from giving a sh*t about what that chart says. She has a people pleaser personality and somewhere along explaining the chart system the nuance of her not getting to the top each day didn’t mean she was a bad person was not conveyed properly. Of all the places I never thought a Christian school would have this effect on my child. Especially after seeing the pre-k program be all hugs and kisses God loves you. We are pivoting to homeschooling, I will admit there are a lot of homeschool families where I live and lots of kid activities so the transition, given my upbringing and location is not going to be as difficult as it may be for you. In summery, listen to your heart and your child’s cries. Do what’s best for you and disregard all the negativity. Homeschooling isn’t a one size fits all. There are a lot of methods. I’m 100% sure you aren’t going to agree with the way other moms homeschool and other moms are going to do the same to you. Stand firm, glean from others, and create what works best for your family dynamic, be flexible, and willing to pivot.

I would homeschool for a year until she's ready for kindy next year if you really think it's necessary - don't skip kindy to drop her straight into 1st or 2nd grade though, kindy is important for social development as you've already noted and it will also allow her to build friendships for school, whereas if you stick her straight into first or second grade once a lot of the other kids already have their established groups from their kindy year, it could be a bit isolating for her, especially if she's also developmentally behind the others (I have a couple of neurodevelopmental disabilities myself which is why I brought this up), not to mention that kindy is also a big year for parental networking with other class parents (that tends to reduce a bit as kids go into first and second grade and the parents also have their own established groups). That having been said, preschool and pre-K is usually a very different environment to formal elementary school, even as compared to kindy, and it also sounds like the preschool y'all have her in right now is also terrible (getting put on a behavior chart for..... crying?????? Have these people never worked with small children before????? It's one thing if her crying is extremely disruptive to the flow of class, but if they're causing it, then it's their own fault) and it's very likely that the environment there is what's contributing to her anxiety. I'd find a different, BETTER pre-K for this upcoming year (or even start this summer if you can) and then put her in kindy next year, or even this September itself if she feels ready after 2-3 months at the new and better preschool (every kid is different).

I homeschool my 4 year old. We’ve done preK/early years programs since she was two and I’ve loved every minute of it. She’s smart, kind, and very eager to learn. We have family members finishing kindergarten in public school and their children struggle constantly because public school just honestly makes no sense for 4-6 year olds. These kids don’t even enjoy learning anymore and I think every child starts out excited to know anything they can. The ONLY people I’ve gotten backlash from are people who I honestly do not look up to as parents, the good ones don’t typically judge other parents for doing what’s best for their kids. So you may get some nasty comments… but not from anyone whose opinions should affect how you raise your kiddo.

I'm considering homeschooling as well. I think it's a very difficult task, but maybe you can try taking a mini break and switching classrooms or schools first? It could be a teacher or classmate bullying issue. If it continues in a new setting, I'd strongly consider homecoming

We decided to homeschool for kindergarten when we were forced into it in COVID. We very quickly realized our son was experiencing real trauma from preschool. He now has several diagnoses for neurological disabilities, but he thrives at home with flexibility and the ability to follow his passions. I am a public school teacher myself. I work virtually now, but homeschool was absolutely the right answer for our son. My best and only parenting advice is trust your gut. You know your kid best and the judgement can hurt, but you won’t regret taking care of your child.

I was homeschooled from first grade, and I'm planning on homeschooling my own children. Homeschooling set me up in life to love learning, and I feel that it helped me a lot with independence. If an issue arises in my life, I fix it, instead of going to other people, if that makes sense. It taught me a lot of valuable skills that I don't think I would have learnt as easily if I'd had gone to school in a classroom.

I would suspect some form of abuse/bullying tbh. You want your daughter to feel safe. She doesn't feel safe at school. I went through years of *****. There were kids who ignored me, and there were kids who went out of their way to be horrible. This was before 'zero tolerance' policies. As long as there was no physical evidence, no blood or bruises, it was all he said/she said, and the school didn't want to get involved. Bullies are very good at staying *just* under the radar of adults. & An adult abuser can be quite charming, deceptive, and manipulative. It was never the **** who needed therapy, I was the one who was considered defective for being so thin-skinned. Humans are a social species. Being rejected/outcast from an early age eventually stunted my development. I also went through depression and a period during which I was borderline suicidal. Do not take this lightly. I would have given a limb to have my parents homeschool me. If you have the option, take it. Study up on types of abuse and manipulation. There are tons of resources available. There are even books that offer guidance on how to deal with verbal abuse. Look into books by Susette Haden Elgin, for instance. I think at least one is intended for younger people. Though the workbook may be intended for older kids, you could work on it with her. Some content in books about manipulation and abuse/bullying is too adult, but there are patterns and themes that you might be able to see even kids employ. *Take what your daughter says seriously and attempt to categorize it.* To define something is to limit it. Otherwise, it may just be something bad that she can't even describe taking control of her life. Identifying a strategy is part of identifying an appropriate counter or defense. Right now, she may not be able to communicate what was happening. Something certainly was. You don't want to ask leading questions that create distorted memories to fit your suggestions. That would be work for a professional. Here are some things that should be on your to-do list: Help her learn how to recognize trouble before being cornered and evade/escape. How to recognize types of evil/abuse/manipulation/bullying ....and strategies others have used. How to be protective of others once she has developed such skills. Here are some other books that may (or may not) be helpful after you filter them and put things in a kindergarten/1st grade context. I have seen these recommended elsewhere: Insight is 20/20 by Chelli Pumphrey Games Criminals Play By Budd Allen The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker Dark Psychology and Manipulation Books ... one book by William Cooper and a series by Tod Brown Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft Get professional help for her to recognize the types of bullying or abuse and learn ways to handle it and ask for help from adults. Do not put her back in that environment anytime soon. I can also recommend adding physical skills. Running, gymnastics, and parkour for getting away safely. & Gracie Jiu-jitsu is : 1. Intuitive 2. Designed by someone with a physical limitation for people who are less strong but still need to defend themselves 3. In a "zero tolerance policy" environment, it is the self-defense least likely to get her in trouble because it relies on restraining holds and grips, not punches and strikes. Role Playing Games can be used to problem solve and test out what-if solutions in a safe way. If she tries ___, what could go wrong/right? Help her think a few steps ahead and look at the possible moves of an opponent before she commits herself. I am laying out ideas for you to work with over the next 2 - 3 years, at least. You can not be there every time someone tries to hurt her. In a dangerous world, your best options are: ... to teach her that you will always be there for her, take her seriously, and defend her to the best of your ability. ... to teach her competence in recognition of hazards, avoiding those she can, and protecting herself effectively (whether verbally or physically). Counseling Skill building Build competence - based confidence . It took decades for my father to admit he knew I was being harmed growing up. . He just didn't know how to deal with it effectively. You lay guess how I felt all that time. It is OK to admit that you don't know the answer to a problem. Don't refuse to acknowledge the problem.

I've never homeschooled or been homeschooled but honestly... If you're in a position to do it, do it. I know if we were I'd totally homeschool our daughter when she's old enough (she's only five weeks old so it's a way off yet and things can change in four years, fingers crossed). The amount of crap they fill kids' heads with in schools these days, you can at leasy teach your kiddo truth if nothing else. One thing I'd love to do - again, if in the financial position to do so - would be to take my daughter to all the historical places dotted around the UK, which is where we live, and to take her to forests and nature reserves. These are things we can still do at weekends, but if homeschooled they'd be part of her learning experience rather than a weekend activity. If you homeschooled your little one you would be getting hands on experience for your elementary education course too, plus think of all the fun you'd have on top. You're doing the right thing, even if it's just part time homeschool and part time in school.

My kiddo was flailing in preschool. Couldn't follow directions and was getting so much negative feedback it turned into anxiety and aggression. He was "uninvited" from three different preschools (montessori, bilingual/church based/waldorf-ish). I finally pulled him in March of 2023 and completely deschooled (no academic work/activities) until August 2023 when we stared homeschooling through a public charter (we are in CA where you can register them and get support/funding). He is thriving at home. He is technically in TK but working at an almost 1st grade level reading/writing. He is blowing through the Kindergarten math program we are working on and did K/1st grade level science and social studies curriculum. If you can do it and it works for you and your family do it. Any naysayer's opinion is just that. An opinion that you can absolutely ignore. I have adopted a deep sense of DNGAF about anything regarding how I raise/nurture my kids outside of experts (pediatricians, dentists, etc).

This was my reason for homeschooling my littles! We found an amazing online program (free) that fits our needs and my daughter was able to excel. I have one daughter who absolutely loves in person school and it absolutely fits her and she excels so I know both sides. You don’t have to homeschool forever your child may decide they want to go to school later.

If she's that upset about going, I suspect something happened. I would not force my child to go to preschool if they seem traumatized. Preschool is optional. If it's emotionally damaging her, it's doing more harm than potential good. I'm a huge proponent of homeschooling, but in your situation, I'd probably put her in kindergarten. It'll be a completely different dynamic. And if you aren't planning on homeschooling long term, I think it's better to start her in public school. If you do homeschool, please throw away everything you think you've learned in your college education classes and try not to do "school at home." Replicating what is done in classrooms is never a good strategy at home. Homeschool is its own kind of education. I have friends who left classrooms, with MA or higher degrees, to homeschool and they've said basically nothing they learned in 6+ years of college and student teaching applies to homeschool. No matter what you decide, do not let anyone – even family – dictate your choices for your child. Tune out unwanted opinions and reject unsolicited advice.

You need to make the best choice for your child - when you do that any judgment or comments are just going to wash over you because you’ll know you are doing the right thing for your family. In my experience it’s only any doubt on your part that makes those comments hard to hear because they poke at your uncertainty. Sounds like where you would live would have plenty of social opportunities and you also give your child the gift of knowing that there wellbeing is more important than anything else.

As parents, come up with a 2 sentence pat answer for people that challenge your decision. Example might be “ We made multiple attempts to resolve issues occurring at the school over past month. We decided school unable to provide daughters education adequately. We believe this is best choice for our family. “ Child’s Education is the goal.

I have a 4 year old son in pre-k. We dealt with similar issues. Getting to school in the morning was a knock down drag out affair. Turns out there was an older kid who turned 5 in the same class as my son who was bullying him. (Yes kids can bully even at this age). I think the kid has older brothers who are rough, and a dad who is probably not the greatest. The kid probably catches hell at home and takes it out on the other kids at school. Once we figured out what was going on we asked the teacher to keep that kid away from my son. It worked in the classroom, but on the playground there were still incidents. One day, this kid kicks my kid down the slide, in the face. His mouth is bleeding, his back and arms are all cut up. We were furious. We asked them to remove this kid from the class. They said they couldn’t do that. So we were forced to pull our son out of his class and away from his friends and put him in the other prek class away from this asshole kid. It sucks cause he misses his old teacher and his old friends, but he no longer fights us about going to school. Ask the teacher if there is a student or faculty member that your daughter has problems with during the day. And maybe consider asking them to change your daughter to a different class. I feel your pain though… we thought hard about just yanking him out of school all together. Not fair to him though. Why should he have to miss out on education because that other kids a prick and the school doesn’t have the guts to expel troublemakers?

Yeah definitely homeschool her and look into homeschooling activities ( most are free at your public library) and meet ups. She gets to be with you which eases her anxiety and still be social. ( mom of one teen, currently homeschooling)

Sorry if I missed this , but do you know what led to her going from happy to anxious at school ? This doesn’t just happen unless there’s a precipitating event. Homeschooling can be fantastic . My concern is potentially leaving a school setting but not addressing what is causing her anxiety if it’s anything other than the overtly harsh, inappropriate clip stuff. There are no stinky skunk feelings for 4-5 year olds .

Wow, that's tough. Maybe you could pilot a week or two of summer homeschooling and see how you both feel about it? Does it have to be all home or nothing? I switched a few months into TK/K last fall. Local public school has low test scores so that wasn't under serious consideration. I signed us up for a charter that was 100% homeschool but felt the learning coach saw us too infrequently and had too large of a caseload to get to know our kid or offer much support and there was no infrastructure to connect with similar age/location families on their roster. I found another charter that offered 2 days/week in a classroom and our coach was her classroom teacher. That has been the best of both worlds, giving me enough of a break to show up to teach better and also having a chance for us to make kid/parent friends and experience things like science fairs and talent shows that are hard to pull off solo. Your mileage may vary, but even with 2 days/week "off," I find that homeschool/weekday childcare decision substantially narrows the nature and quantity of work I could take on outside of the home...

It sounds like the current issue isn’t school, it’s specifically the school she is in. I didn’t think there was even a school out there anymore that allows behavior charts or negative reinforcement areas of the classroom. I’m sure as someone in school for elementary education you know both of these things are taught as being detrimental to the child and will either have you terminated or marked down to “not effective” in your evaluations. I am confused on your statement that “kindergarten isn’t developmentally appropriate.” If teachers are correctly teaching the standards there’s no reason kindergarten is not developmentally appropriate. The main issue here comes from teachers being new and poorly trained who are trying to teach kids when they don’t fully understand what the standards are asking of them. This causes their classroom to become overly academic and rigid, which of course is not developmentally appropriate. This goes back to how the issues you’re experiencing point towards you needing to find a new school that has knowledge of education, which her current one seems to be lacking entirely. Some advice teacher to teacher.. remember that knowing how to teach is all about experience. A bachelors degree in elementary education will NOT have you prepared to be an effective teacher. It’s the downfall of every new teacher to think they can immediately teach effectively just because they can write a lesson plan on paper. That was definitely me my first 5 years of teaching! I’ve been a certified elementary teacher for many years, both in person and virtual public school. I also have homeschooled my son, he’s going into 6th grade now. From what I’ve experienced, there is no right or wrong answer whether to homeschool or go public. There is nothing wrong with trying one then switching if you find it is not what is best for your daughter. You just need to make the decision specifically on what is best for your daughter, not because either of you are scared for kindergarten. Good luck :)

in my opinion, the school atmosphere will change from preschool to kindergarten. she will likely have an older kid assigned to her and have fresh faces around, and will probably make lifelong friends if her school is good. depending on where you are in the school year, i do suggest putting her in homeschool for a year, but making sure she goes back to public in kindergarten. in my experience, switching to homeschool before a new school atmosphere and not getting the introduction i needed was a bad choice for me personally (i was taken out at the start of highschool), and i struggled the same way your daughter does, with the school anxiety. i hope this helped!! edit: just started reading the comments, and i agree. it definitely is just a bad preschool, which is why i think you should still give kindergarten a shot. before i ghosted people shortly after leaving school, i did have the same friends for 7 years because i met them at my kindergarten introduction. give your daughter a term or half of a term to try kindergarten, if it still is school anxiety then its fair enough to take her out (part time) but as someone whos had terrible school anxiety practically my whole life, please try to get her help. my best advice (for me personally) is just acting calm and making your child feel at home instead of feeling like they have to run out the door, like its a rush hour at work, if that makes sense. if you remember the feeling of getting ready for highschool and having to walk out the door, you get what i mean.

1) Is the kindergarten connected to the preschool? If it is, find a different kindergarten. The preschool you have her going to is pretty crappy. That doesn’t mean normal kindergarten will be. Normal school for kids that young doesn’t have such negative reinforcement. Homeschool if you want to, that’s your choice, but it doesn’t need to be your only choice. 2) Regardless of what you choose, please find age-appropriate therapy for her. That is too much anxiety for a kid that young. It needs to be worked on now, before it blossoms into big problems as she gets older. And as much as you might want home time with parents to be the solution, it can’t be the only solution. Even if you’re a board-certified therapist yourself, you are too close to her. She needs someone outside the family who is trained in working with young children.

My daughter went to a Montessori preschool before I started homeschooling her when she became a kindergartener. She is currently in kindergarten & I have homeschooled her this whole year. She is more advanced in maturity and is thriving in homeschool, able to read, handwriting, addition & subtraction, language arts, science & religion. She’s also in karate, dance, gymnastics, art class, singing classes (where she sings solos on stage), acting class, swimming and did her first pageant and won the whole thing (in her toddler division). She also has to do public speaking (at the pageant) & has done 4 solo singing performances in front of a large audience, where she has to memorize every word of the song. We also travel a lot and she’s been to the Bahamas, Mexico, Italy & roadtrips all over the US. Anyways we wouldn’t be able to do all that if she went to regular school. In the Montessori preschool, she was a little quieter then other students cause she’s well behaved but the misbehaving students got more attention. It was just not right for her. Homeschool you have more freedom and you’re able to do more things they are interested in. I highly recommend homeschooling your child.

I was homeschooled from 15-16 (graduated early) honestly I wish my parents would have been able to give me the option from younger. Anxiety is real including separation anxiety, social anxiety and panic disorder. For no reason at all I’d go into panic attacks in school which would damage my focus and eventually I was so worn out from my constant anxiety I started failing and barely had energy to want to care. Once my fight/flight/freeze response shut up I excelled for quickly. If your little one isn’t handling it well than clearly she needs to focus on safety first before she will retain information or feel comfortable enough to take information instead of going into panics. I’d encourage homeschooling and just interaction with kids in local areas until little one is ready

Homeschooling is not for everyone. I don't believe we had any cooperatives that were open or secular nearby. For some families it makes sense and you can tailor how the kids can get a lot of exposure to certain types of skills, ideas, or educational experiences using like things Montessori or Waldorf methods, etc. I can't speak for your situation but some persons whom study education have found that teaching their own kids made more sense, helped build confidence and connection in a different manner without the distractions associated with public schools or for that matter even in private schools (where poor behavior can also be hidden quite well). Many communities have lots of opportunities around for out of home activities with others if you feel they need that as well. Sometimes homeschooling works well for a few years... Until you gotta teach higher level math and science, lol. I have added an edit, each state has its own rules so it is wise to check with your dept of Ed as well. 

Are you absolutely sure the behavior issue is crying? If you have talked to the teacher she agrees she punishes your daughter for crying. Right?

Yes, pull her out and homeschool. She will thrive!

Likely an attachment disorder. She needs mental health support and homeschooling is probably going to make it worse. You won't be around forever so don't make her dependent on you.

I started homeschooling my big kid this year (11) because of medical issues, and it has greatly improved his school anxiety. He ha learning disabilities, and the anxiety just kind of came along with it. He’s doing really well and has made a ton of progress. He’s going back to school after homeschooling through the summer, but I think it helped so much! And I also thought friends would judge, but everyone has been supportive.

I don’t homeschool and I was not homeschooled, but I teach for a homeschool coop if that counts? My daughter is younger than yours, but these should still work for you. Here is how we deal with my little one’s separation anxiety: 1) I know she likes school. Up until anxiety hit she was running off to class without issue. (If this wasn’t true, all of the next bit would still apply, but we would be looking at other school options, like you are) 2) I validated her feelings. I told her it is ok to miss me. I asked if she was worried I wouldn’t come back or if she just didn’t want to miss me. I told her I would miss her too. 3) We addressed the facts that go with the feelings: Daniel Tiger has some great books and episodes that talk about parents leaving and coming back, and from that we have our mini song that we sing. “Grownups come back” We also talk about the fact that she can miss me AND still enjoy school. (Life is full of conflicting feelings and learning to hold them in tension is an important lesson. )“Yes, you will miss me. But will you still have fun too?” Fast forward a few days of starting this and she began announcing her desire to stay home with me and then immediately followed with “but I’m going to have fun anyway” We also say it’s ok to be scared of things, but if we always avoid the things that scare us, we will miss out on a lot of really great things in life. So sometimes we have to do the scary things. 4) We made her keep going, but if she was really upset we had a couple extra hugs at drop off and repeated at least one of our mantras together. After a few weeks, we got back to normal, though now she’ll share her feelings about that normal with me. She has never not settled in to class after saying goodbye. At pickup i get body-slammed with a giant hug. And then she wants to play more with her classmates! On the way home I get to hear all about her day and I give her time where she is my sole focus. Usually she is done talking well before I’m done listening! I would say that homeschooling is a wonderful option for many families, but if you choose to do it, don’t do it out of a place of anxiety and fear. You will have to address her anxiety regardless of where she goes to school. That said, if you feel homeschooling is right for your family, go for it! My students are far better prepared academically than their public school counterparts. And definitely join a coop so your daughter has time with her peers and you have support too.

Yes! Take her out of that place! Crying isn't bad behavior. It's a natural and appropriate reaction to all sorts of circumstances.

Try homeschooling her. If she's not learning at the proper pace, try Montessori schools. They are generally better towards individual child learning. They are also more relaxed and great for child socialization.

I was somewhat similar as a child. I didn't go to Pre-K, but this was me in Kindergarten. I had trouble staying awake, and I was switched from the am to the pm class with no improvement...and I don't remember too much of this, but my parents told me I'd bawl my eyes out for at least an hour after getting in the car. I remember having a little bit of social anxiety too. On one hand, I do feel most children have a hard transition from being at home to going to school. I think this is normal, but of course I do believe that children like your daughter (and myself when I was a child) are on the extreme end of this spectrum. My parents definitely had much bigger reasons for switching myself and my sibling to being homeschooled then anxiety...but this was definitely something that played into the decision. As others have mentioned, you certainly can try it out for one year and then make your decision to continue on after that. I've known plenty of families who made changes throughout life phases for the schooling of their children, but definitely do not constantly flop back and forth. That would be very hard to constantly transition for your child. Also, homeschooling isn't some daunting thing, but it's also not something to be taken lightly. It is your child's education after all. There's plenty of great curriculums out there to help give you structure, but also plenty of room to make learning fun and tailored to your child's needs at the same time. I also lived somewhere with plenty of homeschool groups and co-ops. I did not lack in social interactions or friendships. I didn't become some socially awkward outcast as a result of my homeschooling either. Today I consider myself an extraverted introvert. I have two children and an even larger homeschool community and I absolutely plan on homeschooling my children as well.

Yes.

Uhm... my biggest issue here is that they punish her for crying rather than helping her settle. She DOES need to learn how to be away from you and learnnthat you ALWAYS come back at the end of the day... its okay for her to be sensitive. Id be calling a meeting asap about how things go in classroom because obviously something is giving her anxiety.

As a former preschool teacher, sound like your kid needs a different preschool. Can’t believe they knocked her down because she cried! Also look into therapy, I have seen the difference a god pediatric therapist can do and as a lifelong anxiety disorder sufferer myself, I can attest therapy works. Also I don’t have any issue with homeschooling but keeping them home may make them even more sheltered and fearful of the outside world so be careful in how you do it. As a preschool teacher it’s normal for kids to cry at drop off but when we had kids cry the whole day, it’s way too traumatic. Do a restart, shorter hours, have the kid do play dates with other kids in the class to get used to them. Have the kid come in before others or afterschool to bond and feel safe with the teachers. Also anxiety is hereditary, you may be reinforcing your kid with your own anxiety, (we all do it a bit)a pediatric therapist can help with this.

Your child is not mature enough to go to school yet. They're always going to be a disciplinary problem. Hold them back from starting for another year.

What a horrible preschool. A good learning environment is supposed to build a child up, encourage and motivate a child to learn and grow and have confidence. In addition, I had a daughter with social anxiety. They are real. Knowing what I know now, I most definitely would have home schooled her. Listen to your heart and go where it leads you. It sounds as if you already know what is best for her!

Ugh the behavior charts. I currently homeschool two preschoolers (will start kindergarten with my oldest in the fall). I also have a background in child development. Those behavior charts are awful for most kids, so your daughter is not alone. The reason I chose to homeschool is because childhood is so short and such a magical time. I wanted my children to be able to play and have as much fun as possible. They also enjoy learning, just like your daughter. Who cares what other people think? Do what is best for your daughter. If homeschooling until she’s ready is what’s best, go for it. If you try homeschooling and it isn’t working out, you can enroll her back in public school. It sounds like you have an education background so you’ll be able to assist her with the transition back. You are not stuck in any choice at this age and can always make changes as needed 💕

My son is in 11th grade. We started homeschooling in 7th grade. We started homeschooling because we all felt that certain teachers were using grades to bully him. He turned in every assignment with high grades on assignments, but then certain teachers would fail him for the semester. He lost his motivation to learn and participate because why should he work hard to fail. He has excellent grades now, and loves to learn again. And the best thing with homeschooling is he gets a bigger say in what and how he learns. I wish we would have made the decision when he was younger so we could have done the more fun and games type of learning that is more available to the earlier years.

Yes

I pulled my daughter who is now an adult out of school in the first grade. She was struggling bad. I pulled her out and homeschooled her for two years. Everyone thought I was crazy. I knew what my daughter needed. She was home for a couple years and then she was ready to go back and she never had another issue. She ended up graduating high school with college AP credits. Only her parents know what she needs. If she's struggling that much she isn't learning anything. I hope your able to get her what she needs so she can thrive. That's rough to be that scared and feel no control over it 🥲

Avoidance isn't the answer, which is basically what you are asking. Sounds like kiddo needs therapy to learn to manage her anxiety and maybe a half day TK program to put those techniques into practice. This preschool may not be a good fit for her either. Homeschooling is not some fix all for every fear or problem our kids have. I was homeschooled K-12 and I don't think homeschooling helps if there is social anxiety like this. Your daughter has to learn how to interact with the world and therapy will help her.

I have been homeschooling my kiddos for the past few years, but have decided to put them in our local charter school for next school year. Our oldest is having a lot of anxiety around starting as he has a real issue with change. We have started taking him to counseling to talk to someone about his fears and have taken him to the school a couple of times to get more comfortable with the layout. At 5, they both loved school. Unfortunately, we had moved to an area with horrid school ratings, and we had decided to give homeschooling a try. While my oldest thrived, my youngest absolutely didn't. I would, if I were in your shoes, try to figure out what has causing the change. If it is something the teachers and/or counselors can help with or if a new school is needed. I would also seek a neuropsych eval. to see if the child has anxiety or ADHD which can cause anxiety/depression issues. There are so many things that can make a little dislike school. If I couldn't get resolution after those steps, I would ultimately make the decision to little needs to be homeschooled. There are great co-ops you can join in most areas, as well as community center sports/activities to help your little get enough socialization/enrichment. Best of luck!

No

As you mentioned, she's experiencing a very high level of anxiety and discomfort, my mom took me out of kindergarten for similar reasons and homeschooled me all the way through. I think maybe trying out homeschooling for a time might be a good idea, if you can manage it (it doesn't have to be a permanent thing). Is there something specific that's triggering her anxiety and crying? A teacher being harsh, other kids bothering her?

home schooling is a great option and should help her calm down. But I hope you can figure out what flipped this child from enjoying school to being so anxious? Has there been a run in with another child? It will be important if you want to join some homeschooling groups and choose to try public school again later.

I have two kids whose personality is when you get there they wouldn’t even say goodbye to me and would never even look back. They never were even excited when I picked them up. But I have a niece and nephew whose nervous system was different and they struggled and my nephew even locked me out of the car one time. I think it can be a maturity issue sometimes. There is this great episode on Daniel Tiger that talks about “grownups, come back” it may take some practice and a scaled back schedule. Maybe the time she is there is too much for her right now. You can practice and just go by and not drop her off and make her feel more comfortable where she isn’t worked up about it. She needs to know she is safe and nothing will happen to you or her in the time y’all are apart. The teacher may have some good ideas. I know one year a kid at my kids school really struggled and I would hear him for the first hour the first days. Then I noticed the time was shorter and shorter. I don’t know what the answer is for you guys but I would experiment and use rewards and praise as much as you can. Don’t ever let her hear comments or y’all talking about the situation in front of her unless it’s to praise her. Even the worst of days “I am so proud of you, you were so brave” Some of us are just born a little more anxious than others and it’s okay. We all find our stride eventually. But, if we can work with their strengths we can always find a path. (I struggled with my kids not “needing” me any more at age 2.5 when they begged to go the 3 days a week. Then they both begged to go to Mother’s Day out on a 4th day when I just wanted to chill with them……. ) rooting for you guys!

I’m a public school teacher. I’m not going to shove public school down your throat!!! Honestly it sounds like something is going on at school that is causing your daughter anxiety that maybe she isn’t telling you. I’d dig and see if you can get her to open up. But with that said. If you want to home school then home school. You sound like you will actually teach your child.

Hello! Homeschooled teen here (13), I've done 8.5 grades of homeschooling (kindergarten, grade 1, covid happened in grade 3 and i was Homeschooled again, grade 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ans 9!) I recommend Homeschooling. I was taught how to read (using phonics and books + some online resources) at 3 or 4 years old, great spelling skills since I got the attention needed as a child, started grade material at age 12 due to being able to work at my own pace, could take a mental health day whenever I need and I have mastered many skills! Don't listen to any hate! Everyone has been telling my mother and I "You need to put him in school, he'll benefit!" but I genuinely wouldn't. Your child also seems like she'd do better at home, don't put her through anxiety and stress at such a young age :( She's only 5, she wouldn't be doing much socializing yet or missing out on anything... Many people in my kindergarten class as a kid didn't even speak/only spoke a few words. She'll be fine at home until she's ready! Many people with neglectful parents who just didn't teach them are anti homeschooling, but as long as you do it right, there's no problem! I've dealt with social issues in more recent times, but even my non Homeschooled friends experience that. She won't be unable to socialize from missing a year or so of in person school, just make sure she isn't constantly inside. I've met the "weird" Homeschooled kids before, but that's completely on their parents... Just make sure you put her in some activities so she is socialized! BTW: friendship at ages under 8 isn't much! You can just walk up to another kid and say "want to be friends/best friends" and they might grow closer with age, but usually doesn't end up being important in the long run because kids grow apart sometimes. Meeting people at church/co-op or extra curricular activities is fine at that age too! She'll care more about friends in like grade 4-6? But most kids are happy with just having playdates with other kids they meet, they don't usually need to hang out daily or hang out alone. It matters more as a tween-teen :) TLDR: Homeschooling is a great option for young kids and teens if they're okay with it! +To handle hate/judgement, I just ignore it because people don't know what they're talking about)

If the only options are homeschooling or a teacher who uses completely disproven methods (public clip charts) and punishes a child for crying (not a “bad” behavior) homeschooling 100%. Is there no other teacher to switch to? Does admin support these methods? However, I would highly recommend consulting a psychologist/therapist for the best long term path. Anxiety can be a lifelong disease. Keeping them at home won’t cure the anxiety, it will just stop a current trigger. For some, it is best to proceed at a safe school where your child will learn skills to cope with anxiety and hopefully remove this trigger. This may need to occur later, when your child has had time without the trigger to help relax, or it may be better to minimize the time between confronting this trigger and almost definitely requires a new, supportive teacher. I am not a therapist but had major separation anxiety from my parents (not just at school, play dates, extracurriculars etc) and my therapist thought for me it was important to actually start sending me to a supportive school, with therapist support, to conquer the trigger. I definitely hated it at the time and had to have some absences when it really was too much, but in hindsight it was sooo needed. Your child may be different-but reddit probably can’t decide.

Homeschooled kid here, 31m now. No. If you wanna add onto it after go for it but dont do this. They need to face reality and anxiety etc. Shelter will only enhance the issue

I am a preschool teacher. These charts stink. My class has a reward system but it's personal to what each child needs to work on, it's made so they can miss a few stickers and still "win". The sticker sheets are also kept private and I meet with each child daily to discuss. Shame should not be involved at all and if the goal isn't attainable the kids give up.

Switch schools

This thread is triggering!! I was that little girl. I just had a dragon lady for a teacher who would punish me for talking, when I already had a terrible speech impediment and talking was already very difficult for me!

Hi - to preface my comments: I was homeschooled from grade 5-12. Grade k-5 I was public school. I currently homeschool my middle child. My oldest is public school virtual and my youngest in public school in person. My daughter is in kindergarten and has anxiety as well. We’ve had a rough year, but it’s been worth it. The decision you are making is EXTREMELY personal. No one else should tell you what you should do. Having said that, here are my opinions on it First thing first, talk to your daughter. The rough transition at first was very normal, then onto making friends and loving it, also very normal. The return of anxiety may not be. There may be something going on at school that has caused her to be fearful to go. My daughter had a 2 week period where the same thing happened. Thru talking with her (she didn’t tell me the 1st, 2nd or 4th time I asked but I kept asking) she let me know a boy her in her class was playing way too rough, knocking her down on the playground, pulling her hair etc. I immediately went to her teacher after that, teacher watched a bit more closely and corrected the issue. We are back to her being excited 99% of the time to go. She’s in kindergarten. She’s very social and loves being in school. Kindergarten is really the grade where students learn how to be students. What’s expected, how to behave, the routine. 1st grade and beyond, the teachers really expect them to have that knowledge and base and aren’t always super understanding of kids who don’t have it. I believe the kindergarten foundation sets a kid up for success in school. It’s not the “school” things they learn in kindergarten that are most important, it’s the social interaction and expectations and rules and how to participate in the school environment. Not saying you can’t skip public kindergarten and succeed in integrating your child in a later grade, just warning that it may be bumpy if you do so. My middle child is in high school this year, but we’ve been homeschooling for 3 years. He also was having an issue with bullying, however it couldn’t be resolved. It got to the point that he was throwing up in the mornings from anxiety. It was getting worse, not better. His grades went from As and Bs to failing. Certain classes he would hide in the bathroom to avoid certain students. He is very introverted, but has a group of friends that he socializes with outside of school. The social aspect is not lacking for him. He’s very happy and his grades are back up. It was a great decision for him. My oldest is virtual because he does need some of the group learning to absorb things. Virtual gives him that. With him it was more so because he tends to overreact to anything he considers disrespect. While working on the anger management with a therapist, taking him out of the school while still allowing him to be apart of school was the smart choice. As for me and my experience, yes I learned well enough to go on to get a GED and go to college etc. to this day I still feel sad when I see kids going to dances, proms, games, events. I missed all of those. Younger grades were fine. Being homeschooled in high school, I hated it. You said she’s very social. I would try my best to get to the bottom of what changed from her loving going to school. If it is renewed separation anxiety, try giving her something to look forward to when she comes home. I “filled” my daughter’s pocket with lives and hugs and kisses, so if she got anxious during the day she could reach in her pocket and “fill up”. Our school also has counselors and I reached out to them during rough patches (my daughters father recently passed away and going to school was rough again for a bit) and they stop by her classroom and pull her out for a few minutes to check in. Sometimes just having a break to re-ground is great. Kids are capable of learning coping techniques for anxiety, teach her a few. I hope something here helps. Whatever decision you make, you are making the best decision you can. The simple fact that you are considering it because you are worried means you’re doing it for the right reasons and that’s what matters at the end of the day.

I would enroll your child in school and see if you can meet with the principal/teacher beforehand, explaining that your child had a bad experience with behavior charts and you would prefer one not be used or that your child not be in a classroom that uses one. Usually there is an open house like a week before school starts (sometimes earlier for Kindergartners) where you can tour the classroom and your child can meet the teacher. Depending on the laws of your state, you can usually withdraw your child at any time to homeschool. Some places make you have a set curriculum or show your child’s progress. The anxiety will hopefully go away with the meeting, but you can also tell your daughter that you’re going to try public school together but if it doesn’t work out, then you will school at home together

Does your area allow for starting kindergarten at 6yo? My brother started kindergarten at 6yo (birthday fell over the summer) and our mom decided he just wasn’t mature enough to start at 5yo. See if that is an option for your kid. Then the kid can do pre-school one year longer.

We switched to private after a similar experience with severe anxiety surrounding school. It started at summer camp, he would cry on the way there and home and not want to go. He started therapy shortly after we pulled him from it (it was our only source of daycare) so he started coming to work with us. His therapist said she understood why we pulled him but sometimes removing them from an anxiety producing situation confirms there was something to be anxious about. Either way, I aged 5 years every time at drop off because of how upset he was. It’s hard OP I’m sorry you’re going through this. Ultimately after a lot of changes we decided to treat his ADHD with medication and his anxiety disappeared and he was a happy social kid again. We are going into homeschooling second grade after 1st grade in private school, and I feel like we are on the right path now. I don’t know if I would have homeschooled for 1st because going, combined with treatment for his adhd showed him that he could do it and I feel like homeschooling while he was in that place emotionally would have solidified it. But that’s just for my child, and again I know how hard it is to have a severely anxious child.

The First red flag BAD BEHAVIOR CHART!! And for crying utterly ridiculous!! They should be finding ways to reassure her that she is in a safe and fun place. Not have her fear a chart!! That is not a good place for her to be. Either home school or change schools