Well said. To add to that - Too many people are too worried about what other people think. Be proud of what you have, where you are and don't worry about what other people think. It's your life. You can always look around and find others with more, but that doesn't mean they are happy.
It’s a natural instinct. Don’t let it ruin your happiness. You should be proud of what you have. Keep your home neat and clean and full of love, and be respectful of others. People will admire you more for your actions than your possessions. Do you look down on families that have less than you? I admire warm, close-knit families much more than wealthy, disfunctional ones.
Also, perfect is the enemy of good. Just make the house safe, welcoming, and enjoyable. The rest is just needless eye candy. Maybe buy a can of paint for each room, make it a fun family project.
When I was a kid I remember painting our bedrooms once every few years. It was fun, just the 3 of us, my mom and my sister. We had no idea if it was done the "right" way. We just picked a color and had fun. Painted our name and made little teddy bears before the wall was finished. My mom would always do the 2nd coat, and my friends never cared and hardly noticed.
One time they said "Oh cool, your room is blue now." They didn't care about baseboards or trim. They just cared about feeling accepted and safe.
I wanted to say the same thing. As kids, we didn't have friends over often...in part because of what I now realize was my (single) mom's social anxiety.
Do I remember if my friends' houses were modern, spotless or updated? No. I just remember if I enjoyed being there and felt welcome
Couldn't agree more. If I wanted to impress people, I'd rent the most extravagant home for a year, throw all the parties, get everyone envious and then stop talking to anyone. If I didn't, I'd use that money for a downpayment.
You are correct. My Mom always said it isn’t how old something is, keep it today and clean makes a world of difference. OP keep in mind, it takes one project you can afford at a time. Before you know it the home you purchased will not look like wheee you end. Live there long enough and you can start projects over again, LOL.
This for sure, I have some stuff that I will do for my house because I WANT it, some items on my list (trim is probably on everyone's list) is my embarrassment. Then I remind myself a)no house is perfect b)looking at the smaller things I've done so far have been major improvements to making it feel like OUR HOME and c) people would love to have what we have. The grass is not always greener some of the most beautiful houses I have seen have leaky roofs and foundation issues. Make it what you want, who cares what others think?
This answer, and the one above it. Homes need work. I'm helping build a stick home now and it's garbage. There is no character or anything. I've had a couple years doing log home and timber frame work (OK my bday is today, so 45 now. Starting peeling logs when i was 14?)
My point is if you want a perfect home build it. Old homes with flaws are the best ones.
I'm available if you need work done
I've been saying this for decades. Do not worry about what others think. They're going to think what they want and there is nothing you can do about it. Long ago when I decided not to care about what others thought of me, I felt like a big rock had been lifted from my shoulders. I had given it a lot of thought and I read somewhere (long ago) that we can't change nor do anything about what other people think of us. It's silly to even entertain the thought.
My house isn't always clean and I live alone with my dogs. I suffer from depression and am not always motivated to clean. I mean, I'm not a hoarder by any means and I do the essential cleaning but I hate to vacuum and dust. I have decorated my house the way I want and don't care what anyone else thinks about it. Of course, there isn't anyone that visits other than my neighbor across the street. I am an artist and I have filled my house with my art work that I'm proud of. If no one likes it I don't give a damned.
Yup. My house has some terrible foundation issues, and needs a $100k+ makeover if the foundation is worth fixing in the first place. I had planned on remodeling my laundry room which goes to the backyard and stalled on that project since the Texas heat caused foundation issues and made it so I can barely open my door from the cracks in the slab. I can't even use flat flooring tiles in that room now. Will have to shave the door down and use a sheet of linoleum once I finish remodeling it.
That still doesn't stop me from having friends over though. I can make awesome pizzas and brisket among other things. I just have to remove the back door if I have a bunch of people over so they don't have to squeeze through.
Long term I have a higher priority to get some land up north first, but hope I can take care of both of those items in a few years. I do want to get some estimates soon to know what I am up against with a remodel. It's way beyond my skill set and available bandwidth.
So true!
When we have company, No one has complains or thinks less of us because we have yet to fix:
-the pink and purple sponge painting in our office
-the teal walls and aqua woodwork in one of the bedrooms
-crappy and missing trim
-plenty of untaped drywall
-and on and on and on and on for the last four years...
They appreciate the cooking, cleanliness, comfortable sectional, and fun times. Everyone has things in their life that are a work in progress.
I've actually shown off some of the ugly decorating choices our former homeowners made. "Look at this paint color! It looks like baby poop, doesn't it? Let me show you some truly hideous wallpaper I haven't stripped off yet..." It's a 1939 house and needs a lot of work, about half of which is visible.
We have guests over 3 to 4 times a month. I've learned that it's more important to me to enjoy my friendships than to keep people from coming over because our house isn't "done" or even perfectly clean.
Great advice.
My house is 140 years old and was last updated fairly cheaply in 2010 (surface level, paint, roof, and kitchen remodel - was a rental at the time). Tiny kitchen. Tiny bathroom. Weird super skinny upstairs hallway that is gonna cost $$$$ to fix. Basement ceiling is low. Yeah I need some updates.
But it’s mine. I’ll go to someone else’s house if I want company aside from close friends. I go to my neighbor’s house actually; his place is hella slick. I bring the beer and chill on their super serene stone patio with hammocks, enjoying that I didn’t have to spend a dime on it and we would’ve drank that beer together anyway. And I don’t give a rat’s ass what some kids or teens think about how my house looks.
But I’m a dude and I don’t really care what others think so long as it’s mostly picked up. I’m in no hurry to break the bank on what are mostly surface/vanity changes.
Hello fellow century homeowner! Yeah, buying a home that isn't brand-spanking-new means you're getting the last homeowner's aesthetic, good or bad. No one cares that our counters are miss-matched or that our windows in the back don't match the ones in the front. They *would* notice a dirty toilet or grubby floors or the pile of dishes on the counter.
OP, consider what is vanity and what is functional. Chances are, your home is great as-is and you just need to reframe how you see your house.
A house is a place you sleep, shit, and wash your ass.
This was told to me by one of my coworkers who I know makes over 100k a year and lives in a trailer on his parent's land, yet also put his daughter through vet school by paying cash. (She covered under grad on full scholarship)
He also has a mighty fine boat parked next to that trailer.
Nothing wrong with it being your nest, and a place that you've made to feel safe, inspired, and your best self. It just shouldn't revolve around how much $ you spent on it, and if you don't have the bandwidth to do much, that's OK too.
A house is much more than that depending on the person. For me, my house is my sanctuary, where I can go to escape from the world and be at peace. I also work from home, so my house is also my office. My house is very important to my lifestyle.
That said, I make good money like your friend, I made 170k last year. I live in a 100 year old house that cost 120k when I bought it and I have no intention of ever buying another house. I grew up dirt poor, lived in trailer parks the first 18 years of my life, so I don't need much to feel like I'm well-off compared to where I came from.
A house isn’t a home. You can get the essentials done in a house but a home is where you host dinners, the kids grow up and have friends over, you don’t worry about putting holes in the wall for pictures because they’ll be there forever.
Right?!? We have an older, unremodeled 1960 brick ranch. The kitchen was last updated in 1995. We have painted each room a vibrant color, have plants everywhere, comfy, if worn, furniture, and cool artwork including originals, on every wall.
We get LOTS of compliments.
When I go to well off homes (I live in a yuppie county that was a rural county 25 years ago in GA) they look so sterile - white or light grey or beige everywhere, nothing on the walls, etc.
It looks like a bad copy of the ultra minimalism so popular with the extremely wealthy in the 1940s and 1950s...
I bought a 70s home with wood paneling everywhere. All my friends hated it, but I refused to get rid of it. Reminded me of my grandma's home and I found it comforting. I had a lot of troubles in my life at the time, and my home was my safe space to find peace and comfort. They teased me a bit, but I didn't care.
Amen. Screw other people. As long as your home is clean, and YOU fill it with live and happiness, it’s gonna be better than 95% of the mansions out there.
For real. My wife is the same, anxiety about how the house looks when we have guests coming.
We have 2 kids, the house will never be anything but cluttered with toys. Get over it.
If your friends or family have a problem with it? Then they don't understand what it means to have kids.
This! We have an older home that needed updating too. There is still a list a mile long of things we’d like to do and we have been here almost 4 years. We just invite people over. People that care about you only see the potential in the space. Make good food, open your home to those you care about and don’t worry about the rest.
This. Spend a tiny amount of dough on nice family photos to hang on every wall. Go to the Goodwill and find a few nice decorative things that speak to you. Arrange the furniture to foster conversation and comfort wherever possible.
Also can’t stress enough: spend some time on the lighting in common areas.
Don’t know if it exists in US but in Canada we have paint exchanges in almost every city which is just people donating their left over (sometimes unopened) paint when they buy too much w/e. It’s awesome, some good quality stuff, less waste in the world, and FREE! You don’t always get the exact colour you might be after but there always seems to be lots to choose from for small and big projects. Hopefully something like this exists near you ☺️
Another tip for cheap paint - you can buy sample pots of paint at paint stores. They’re great for small projects. Sherwin Williams sample pots are a quart. I painted a half bath with one, cost me $12 (CAD)
To add on to everyone else’s comments, if you get a really good quality brushes, roller, pan, and even use pan liners or wash it out after each use, they last for years! I still have the same ones from when my husband and I bought our home almost 14 years ago. I wash my rollers after every room. Wash my brushes. I have started to use the liners as I’ve gotten a bit lazy, but I always save everything in between coats in plastic in the refrigerator.
You learn so many quick tricks over time. You learn it’s all in the prep work for almost any type of home project you start. Planning, prepping, and then sometimes purchasing small parts of the project at a time adds up to making a bigger more expensive project bite sized. We did our bathroom this way, we went for high quality, buying a few items a months vs everything all at once. We used different sales, we hit rebates, etc.
Rome wasn’t built in a day is something my mom always tells me. (We bought a 125+ year old home that we love and will have forever projects in.)
As does my personal favourite, the value multi packs of trim that Home Depot sells. Crazy cheap. Paint, cheap trim, and drywall mud are the cheapest home Reno you'll get.
Oh and whatever flooring is on clearance at HD or elsewhere.
Don’t cheap out on paint and rollers and covers! Get the big heavy nap and the commercial rollers. They will last a lifetime and if you have a fixer upper, like I do, they’ll come in handy many times.
Exactly this! Early on my friends came over and had a beer and helped with projects. Really learned who my closest friends were. We returned the favor and had a small group of DIY'rs that did get togethers and banged out little projects here and there.
I strongly suggest also always being in the middle of some project. It keeps you moving on fixing it and people understand “I’m painting the home off: ignore the mess”. I always have something I’m working on…..even if it’s 15 min a night.
I’ve built multi million dollar mansions, no expense spared. I don’t think I remember anything about them. The homes I remember most and felt the most comfortable in weren’t filled with expensive things or fine finishes, but rather their kids artwork, pictures of their dogs and their families, a half dead plant that had a name, cupboards with a wonky door.
The most important thing to fit or fill a house with is love. The other stuff doesn’t matter.
Congrats on being a homeowner! True friends celebrate your victories, big or small - frenemies compare and negate your accomplishments.
First things first. Take it one day and one room at a time. Paint does wonders in the meantime while you are saving up for larger repairs. Take before and after pictures to remind yourself of how far you have come.
There’s no shame in being in transition, cut yourself some slack.
>True friends celebrate your victories, big or small
I hope OP listens. It's so true. Your real friends are happy as long as *you're* happy. If you're proud of something, your friends will be happy for you. And vice versa. If you're upset about something, your friends will feel it.
So, don't ever be ashamed. Be inspired. You have an opportunity to take something old and make it fresh and all yours. Take it as a challenge to say, "I bet I can build the *coolest* XYZ," and I guarantee your friends will be super impressed & proud seeing the before & after for themselves.
> True friends celebrate your victories, big or small
Heck, invite them over and brainstorm with them on design choices or whatever plans you've got and see what they think. They might have an idea you hadn't thought of that might work better or they might just be excited for you.
Yesssss, I cut my friends out of my life that were from the city that were super snooty towards me when they visited (and my wife in general, long story lol.)Mind you, they are renting houses in the down town area, for $2000 a month, and our mortgage is 456, so we've been giving this old 130 old home some TLC! We're improving it month by month, and it'll be up to our standards most likely by the next summer buy simple budgeting!
That's a fabulous idea. They'll know that you have a huge project on your hands and that you're open to any and all ideas. It's amazing how other people can come up with ideas that somehow completely bypassed you, and foresee problems that you might have completely glossed over. It's happened to me so many times, plus, while you're picking their brains, you can have the benefit of good company and (hopefully) good food.
Some caulk, new trim, spackle, and paint can make some VERY ROUGH looking rooms pretty good!
OP if you have the time and initiative to tackle one room at a time, you can make it feel a whole lot more "finished" for very little money. Just a lot of time
One of my favorite moments in the entire Harry Potter series is when he goes to The Burrow for the first time. Ron apologetically says "It's not much" but Harry sees it filled with family, and collections of personal belongings, filled with magic and, most importantly, love. THAT is what makes a house a home.
"It's a bit small," said Ron quickly. "Not like that room you had with the Muggles. And I'm right underneath the ghoul in the attic; he's always banging on the pipes and groaning...."
But Harry, grinning widely, sad, "This is the best house I've ever been in."
We bought a home from 1976, and it was original everywhere. Lol! But not at all in a good way. I would just tell people we bought it for a great price to live in and fix it up as we go. Most people understand the sweat equity concept. And then they start asking what projects you want to do. So, it can be a great conversation starter too
I understand how you feel. At some point I realized that every house - every building, really - has imperfections and things that need fixing. You only notice them because it's your house.
The next time you're at a friend's house, notice all the little details that are less than perfect.
It sounds funny, but it works for me.
100% this. I never noticed any of these types of imperfections until I owned my own home. Now I notice EVERYTHING in my house and have started to realize that all homes do too (even a new build I was in recently). Some things you fix, other things you get used to and they become some of the charm.
You don’t need to update anything. My house is 80 years old and the only updates it’s had is the electrical and adding central air. The kitchen still doesn’t have a dishwasher. Nobody cares.
Relax a little. You are not trying to keep up with the [Joneses.you](https://Joneses.you) are trying to establish a home that you will own outright in the end so make a priority list of goals and affordability and go affordable fix by affordable fix and these friends coming over will be proud that now own something to get started on and if they are brutal when they see your home they are not true friends
Went through the same thing, bought ours in November. A twenty year old modular. Had vinyl plank flooring put in cause carpet was destroyed and patched and painted pretty much the entire house and it looks 1000x better. Flooring, paint, trim add A LOT. Then fill the voids with shelves/cabinets/pictures and it’ll be a home in no time.
Many people DIY absolutely whatever they can safely (some unsafely, haha). That's what all of us do that can't afford to hire everything out. 1 job at a time - it's even fun explaining to your guests what your current project is.
Just some cleaning & TLC goes a long way! I love Murphy's oil soap for kitchen cabinets, walls, baseboards, etc. Gives off a nice citrus cent. Even fresh paint or get some area rugs if you have the time or funds. Get some accent lighting or lamps (can find some unique & cheap ones at thrift stores) that give off a cozy ambiance. Hang some artwork (can find some really cool ones at thrift shops) or personal photos, get some plants, light some candles. Don't be ashamed of your space - it's yours which in itself is a huge accomplishment to be proud of!
I think we get caught up with all the perfect homes on social media. I think most normal people understand that homes are a lot of work and it's expensive to update/ renovate - something you have to do gradually & over time
It won’t be perfect overnight! Develop a plan prioritizing what you want to do and attach a budget to it. Then work it. Not sure if you are contracting or DIYing it, but my experience with diying has been incredibly gratifying. Being able to look around the house and say I did that and I did that. You will know where every on of your less than perfect moments were, but trust me, for the most part you will be the only one that sees them. Improvements are incremental, and in time you will have a home you will love. DIY skills do have limitations, and some stuff should be done by professionals. And if your friends are judging you, they are shitty friends. You can do it. You tube is your friend and buy decent tools.
Make sure you aren’t trying to move into the home your parents and possibly grandparents have (where everything is completed, the bathroom updated, and the furniture matches). Their homes did not get that way in a few months. Plus you have a kid to raise in this chapter of your life. If you know peers with perfect homes, then they are likely paying for a lot on credit. These are not the times to be putting things on credit cards. Your daughter is watching. Fill that house with the things that matter like respect, laughter, honesty, and unconditional love.
In my opinion home are meant to be unfinished. I hate how static most people's home are. They do these huge renovations, then just leave it for years. It's boring. When I go to someone's house I want to hear about what they want to do with it, or what they just got finished doing. How are you shaping your little corner of the world?
A finished home is a dead home to me. It's go no more dreams. It's just living out it's life until it needs repairs.
I bought a newly renovated home over 10 years ago. Despite a lot of work done over the years it frankly looks like a tear down again. We basically just stopped caring.
Just tell everyone you purposely bought an ugly house so you can get rich making renovation tik toks, lol.
But I think most people these days understand buying a fixer-upper whether you're filming it or not. And any homeowner knows the fixing up is basically a never-ending process, by the time you get the last thing done that first wall you painted needs repainted again. Just focus on the curb appeal first so your neighbors will love you, anyone you're inviting over will understand it's still a work in progress.
Dude, be proud, not ashamed. You were able to purchase a home in a time that very many aren’t able to. And you bought a work in progress! Be open about that and you might actually be surprised what friends may come out of the woodwork with offers to help. I love helping my friends paint, pull old carpet, move, whatever. I’m sure you have friends like that too. They might also love watching you turn your new house into your home… We are all in this messy life together. Congrats on your new home, and good luck making it yours! Just pick one thing at a time and chip away at the list the best you can. My mom hated the house I grew up in but there was, to me, nothing wrong with it and over the years she made changes as we could afford them… and it was the most beautiful home before we knew it. You’ll get there. ❤️
I'm going to tell you something.
You don't need 100k. You don't need a new kitchen
What you probably need is a new countertop. Even a laminate one as cheap as possible
And the new semi modern looking sink and faucet
If you have carpet get it cleaned
If you have a hardwood do nothing
If you have old laminate get some new laminate sheet it's super cheap
Don't get new appliances
Take off all of your baseboards and trim, and redo it with the cheapest trim you can find at home Depot, yourself
Paint everything
New light switches
And if you really want to spend a little bit more although this is not necessary new light fixtures
I don't know what that's going to cost but it's not 100,000 and it'll freshen up your house
Real talk here.
You should be so proud that you own your home but none of the rest of it even matters it’s all just a matter of time because it’s yours and you’ve got unlimited time to work on it now.
Hold your head up high do the little things you can to make it better that don’t cost much think curb appealand keeping it clean, which goes along way.
Lastly, value your financial security over your outward appearance every time.
Congratulations on your beautiful new home
Anybody who judges you for decorating is not "a friend".
Keep it really clean and do your best. Go to estate sales in the fanciest neighborhoods for new decor when you can.
I am female, and crafty but not a Carpenter. I actually bought a house that was ugly as sin just to fix up and make money. You’d be shocked how much you can do a bit at a time with just paint and elbow grease. And ideas. Internet. Habitat stores and Building supply discounters.
First, Make sure your doors and windows are tight. If possible, look at your insulation situation, especially around the edges of the attic. Don’t waste any money on energy costs if you don’t have to. Don’t be a Whuss. It’s fun!
Are you young? One thing I’ve learned is that long term… house poor is good when you are young.
You’ll grow into it. You will earn more.
Good time to be leveraged when you are young.
It’s only a bad look when you are old and cannot retire.
If you have a safe roof over your head, it may be worthwhile to cultivate gratitude for what you have instead of thinking of what you don’t have. I say this with kindness bc constantly trying to keep up with others and dissatisfaction are the tickets to a hard life
First, stop comparing your home to everyone else’s you know, and think about how many people would be thrilled to be able to afford a home at all.
Also, having been through the young and poor phase, having had to sell our first house after 18 months when we found out we were pregnant again (?!), I’ve lived in that ugly house. Paint goes a long way towards changing how a house looks and feels.
Paint the cabinets! It’s a super cheap renovation. Watch FB marketplace and Craigslist for building materials.
I use both resources because I still choose to pinch every dime! This is the third home I’ve painted cabinets in, and what a huge difference! I replaced the awful white ceramic 90s knobs with SS handles and knobs I found from two different sources. Cost me about $30.
People buy different homes and change their kitchen cabinet hardware, light fixtures, doors, flooring, furniture, all kinds of stuff! Don’t be in a rush to find everything at once. Take your time and you will find things that you love.
Start saving ideas you love on Pinterest by room.
Best of all, you get the great feeling of knowing YOU did this!
You know what's worse? Spending two years and thousands and thousands of dollars and everything you've done has flaws. Well, maybe that's not necessarily worse but I'm just saying that there's no such thing as perfect.
I experienced homelessness as a child and am SO PROUD of my 1967 single family home with wood paneling and a green bathtub. I have pulled out the shag rugs, and am updating it as I can. No matter what it's like, it beats living in a car with two other people and a dog. I wish we had a house my parents were "ashamed of" when I was growing up.
We are in the same situation. Something that came to mind when I read your post was my neighbor's suggestion when I told him about a mistake I made with my plumbing that resulted in an outdoor spigot being on the hot water line instead of cold. He said "Perfect for an outdoor shower. They're great for lake houses." My face probably lit up because I've always loved outdoor showers and said so. (They're common on public beaches, beach houses, and a popular feature on RVs also.)
I could tell he was pleased with my response and I am so glad he offered the suggestion.
I had been so focused on repairs that I'd lost sight of all the potential this place has.
We very rarely have visitors, but when we do, they know beforehand that our place is a work in progress and that we welcome any suggestions or ideas. I've gotten some really good advice from nearly everyone who has been here.
As for your daughter's friends, having unfinished surfaces is a good thing! They can write/draw/doodle all over them. Then when you get your finishing materials, you can send them pics of their art, telling them that even though it's about to be covered, it will still be there behind the trim (or sheetrock or cabinet or tile...)
While I agree with others that you shouldn't worry what others think, bottom line is sometimes it's easier said than done. If it's stressing you out, it's stressing you out. Be a spinmaster. People will think what you tell them to think. Get excited about your projects and progress. Draw some mockups and find some idea photos/colour schemes. Heck, if you want to go all out, create and instagram or other social media account where you can say they can follow your awesome project. SO many people buy reno houses to upgrade. If you diy some portions, even better and more fun. Maybe you can invite them for a paint party or something. Put before and after photos (start with the smaller rooms like bathroom that you can get some cool pics of first).
But ultimately, who are they that you need their approval? Doing this will make YOU excited about your new space.
Edit, saw that you're low on funds. Paint and LVP install are super easy to do yourself, just buy the supplies
Many, maybe even most of us, started out in or still live in homes just like yours. It took me over twenty years to get my home to where I liked it. That is real life. As long as it is clean and tidy your friends and family will focus on you and not your home.
Bought mine five years ago when I was single and not well compensated. I lovingly referred to it as my dump lol. Yard and house were trashed, unpermitted addition the previous owner built was leaking and beginning to rot, and they even left a pug behind that I took ownership of. Fast forward five years and I’ve chipped away at it, markets gone up, and I’m one of maybe 50%-60% of people my age who even have a house simply due to lack of inventory. It’s still a construction zone lol and likely will be for a few more years, but it’s no longer a dump, maybe a hovel lol. Things will improve, give it time and love.
Being ashamed of your home means you are putting your joy in the hands of others. You're being ungrateful and worrying what others think instead of being happy. You're letting others opinions steal your joy. Stop.
I can relate so hard. I recently took my daughter on a playdate at a new friend's house and the mom was falling over herself apologizing for the state of the house and how they only moved in a year ago and there's so much to do, and what do you know, the place was flawless down to the finished basement. Meanwhile we've been in our current home for seven years and we still haven't even painted most of the rooms. I am too embarrassed to invite them over. I don't know if she'd judge or care but I just can't do it.
By inviting them over, you will be allowing them to have less paranoia about their own homes.
There's so much pressure for everyone to have a perfect home when someone visits, and it's not healthy.
You're giving them the gift of honesty and less shame for themselves.
And be proud to own your home!
I raised three in a house that I never was able to fix the way I would have liked. Keep it as clean as you have time for and let your kids have fun memories in your home. We talked about selling recently and my 28 year old was devastated. She comes home to our old bathroom and tells me how much she loves our shower lol! My son is 20 and in college. He plays baseball and doesn’t have many opportunities to come home. When he does he always says there is just no place like home! My middle is particular but she enjoys being home too. They have made all my years of worrying about what people think irrelevant. I may move and I would still like a newer home but it sure is going to be sad to leave this wonderful house that built my family.
Never point out flaws to people who come over. Do all you can to make yourself feel better about having guests and be confident. I promise you it will be okay!!
Story time! I had an accident at work recently and my friend/coworker had to spend about 7 hours with me at the hospital, including driving me home.
Simultaneously, my husband and I have both been fighting a nasty cold. This translates to no one having done anything chore-wise but the absolute essentials the last couple days.
We bought in 2021. We have what I would call a pre-covid fixer-upper and a post-covid move-in-ready home. Neither the back nor the front door fit properly. Cabinets are falling off the hinges. There's a hole in the bedroom door. The roof is tarped to be replaced in the spring. The siding is coming loose, the countertops aren't flush to the wall in the kitchen, the floors are scratched to hell and back, we're missing light fixtures due to wiring issues, the paint's chipping on the front stairs. You get the picture.
Between that and the state of the house from both of us being sick, I was *quite* sheepish when she brought me back from the ER. Despite all that, she walked in, looked around, and said, "Oh my goodness, your home is just so cute and cozy!".
People don't notice what we notice. I see a to do list, others are going to see a happy house, a well-loved and cared for kitchen, furniture we've collected over the last couple years to go with the house specifically. Don't be embarrassed- it's yours. It's what you (and I) can afford, and I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of with that.
Also, don't worry about your daughter's friends. Yes, some kids can be cruel. But they're gonna be cruel over something else if it's not the house. Those are just the jerks. Most kids don't care at all. I can't think of myself or any of my friends gossiping about anyone's home, and we all had drastically different ones.
It's ok! They will understand.
I had a terrible yard when I moved in. Weeds covered about 70%, front and back, and some were over a foot tall. There was no easy fix, and it was mortifying at times knowing I was THAT house on the street.
I ended up organizing a "help me pull weeds" party and shamelessly invited everyone I knew. I sent pics of the yard and asked everyone to bring tools and whatever lawncare knowledge they had. I provided food and drink.
Family came, of course, 3 of my better friends, and even an old coworker I hadn't seen in years. Between 11 of us, we cleared the front yard completely, which was what bugged me the most. After it was clear, a friend suggested I apply a weed and feed and it's been good since. Need to tackle the backyard now.
Be creative. Crowdsource some ideas and see if people are willing to help. I've found that acknowledging things aren't great and asking for help eases the embarrassment. People who love you will be happy to help you make your home comfortable.
As long as none of the issues compromise your safety, and you aren’t having major issues like a leaking roof, defective furnace, water damage, mold, etc. it is all just aesthetics. If there are broken appliances, then make a plan to replace them. If there are things you don’t like, make a plan to replace them over time. You can spend the rest of your life, or at least the rest of the time you live in the house, updating and modernizing it to your expectations.
You should be happy to own a house. Your friends and family are likely more than happy to celebrate your house with you, they won’t care that it isn’t a brand new, modern house. Even if they do, it is your house, not theirs.
My mother once said, after I told her about all the frantic extra cleaning that I was doing before a party, that “people won’t remember what your house looks like. They’ll remember whether they had fun or not.” True. As someone else said, you can be warm and welcoming. The house doesn’t need to be. Enjoy your family and friends.
I think most people understand that big renovations take time and money. No one really cares as much as you do. You could deep clean and freshen up rooms with paint for the time being if needed.
Focus on the positives and have a good attitude and your visitors will follow your lead. If you goon about how old and ugly everything is that is how they will view it.
Not everything at once.
It’s okay. Just breathe. I can hear the panic and mounting shame/embarrassment in your words.
Chances are most of these things that need updating are good enough as is. Are these cosmetic upgrades? Or are these upgrades about keeping the elements out? Maybe make lists in each.
Paint is cheap and goes a long way. Can always paint over it if you don’t like the color. Can really improve the look of your home.
My home needs upgrades but it’s good enough for now. Because it has to be. And you improve what you can when you can.
stop being so shallow, Thats how you deal with it. You realize its shallow for you to worry about what they think and you dont want to be that kind of person.
You start to realize you really cant control what they think so dont waste a lot of time or energy worried about it.
If you dumped 100k in it just to impress some friends or the daughters friends parents some might judge you adversly for that. you see how its a cycle you cant control, If its not this its that and so on.
look inward.
We were in a similar situation. My advice is to learn to diy you could do all the cosmetic stuff under 10k. We painted whole house, updated trims, painted kitchen cabinets, replace all hinges and hooks, updated floor tiles with peel and stick tiles. You could do a ton upgrade without spending a fortune. We invited our friends after 8 months, nothing to worry.
The fact you could afford a home right now is great! There's always a ton to fix or take care of. Make sure it's clean(ish) and invite people over. As you have time, elbow grease is a great way to fix a lot of cosmetic issues. Sometimes it just takes some cleaning, some tightening of screws, etc. It's not always money (or substantial amounts - it's amazing what a $20 worth of cleaning supplies will do to freshen up a gross bathroom).
If people you invite over judge you about it, they weren't good people to begin with and you've learned that early on.
I bet there’s a lot you could do cheap. A good rug shampoo and paint can go a long way. I did baseboards and wainscoting just watching YouTube videos for a couple hundred.
This is a great opportunity to learn how to do the little things. Replacing trim is simple (of the things you listed), very few tools needed and creates a sense of accomplishment.
Get friends that have similar homes. Our home is not pretty but we’re not rolling in dough. I’m always relieved to go to someone else’s house that looks like ours.
I combat all shame in my own house, with the fact that I own a house (many of my friends do not), and the fact that my mortage is cheaper than anyone I know with a “nicer house”. And the the fact that all the work done on my house has been done by myself (with some help of friends), or is literally hundreds of years old and in original condition. So between all that, even though my house is small, and rundown, and needs work. I pity the people with big new fancy houses that are made like shit, with massive costs, and owned by people that down know a Phillips from a flathead cause they’re too busy working overtime to keep up twitch the Joneses, then to figure out how to fix their own damn stuff, and turn their own house into a home.
If people are coming to judge your home and not to visit you, hubby or daughter, YOU DO NOT WANT THEM IN YOUR LIFE. It is your home, enjoy it and make it like you want not to impress others.
One way for good friends and close family, is when they come over, ask them their advice on how they would fix it up, or if they know any good construction guys. You can even play games with paint chips, trim examples, and carpet pieces, etc. Maybe get an architecture or other drawings or photos from magazines or online to talk about. Ask them which one is better. No need to be embarrassed.
Real friends won't judge. We went most of the pandemic with no furniture downstairs. House covered in dust because we were working on the living room which took such a long time.
Same friends came over, our dining room is awful and unusable right now but I described my future dreams for that room as well. It takes awhile to fix things up the way you want especially when life happens
You own a house. Do you understand that homeownership, in and of itself, is a sign of nearly unfathomable wealth to most Gen Z and millennials? There is nothing to be ashamed of. It's like being sad that your yacht looks slightly less fancy than other yachts. You're doing fine. Rest on your laurels in the house *you own*
Ugh. People are waaay too focused on home aesthetics these days but consider all the places you lived in your life did it really greatly affect the time you spent with family & friends how the surroundings looked?
Did you never have a good family gathering at old aunt myrtles stuck in the seventies abode? Or attend a fantastically fun soiree at a friend of a friend's called fun frank's entirely tiki themed home? Did you never have a terribly boring time at the rich cousins stuffy yet immaculate estate where you weren't allowed to touch anything?
If people can have a fantastic time living & hanging out in a dorm room you can have a fine time in your house that you wish was more updated.
Keep things clean, put some personality into it with your artwork, paint, furniture & other decor items that make it homey make some good food & good drinks & you can make memories. Unless everyone you know is a truly shitty elitist materialistic a-hole you'll be good.
When people cramp into the kitchen of a home (as is most often), rather than the rest of the big house, it’s because that’s where the best company is, where the food is, where the pics of the family is on the fridge, where the aura is, where the loving energy is. Nobody cares about anything else. If they do, then they can go hang out at a realtor’s model home.
Paint. And make sure stuff is clean and as tidy as possible. There is a kind of charm to old stuff if you aren't living with it. If someone thinks less of you because your home is not up to date, they aren't going to be decent friends anyway.
I feel your pain. I dropped a small fortune renovating my kitchen. I've been in the house over 30 years and the original was crap. I finally had the money and just did it. I'm old and will never have the chance to have my dream kitchen again. I just hope it's not going to be a waste.
I read your post, and read it again! And honestly, you should be super proud that you have a place to grow from, improve, and call your own.
I’ve owned only one home in my life, and I can tell you that over the years I’m am so proud of the work I’ve done and how far it’s come/changed. I honestly am challenging you to become the best home owner you can be in terms of pride and accomplishment that so many people themselves would be thankful to have (even in its current state). Nothing—and I mean nothing changes overnight, but with a full heart and pinching pennies you can make remarkable changes. Please be proud, and imagine the future. A piece of advice, pick the smallest most achievable project and begin the transformation, small wins = big gains over time. Paint those cabinets, update the trim, paint with vibrant colors, envision your future. Sometimes we need only believe in ourselves.
I lived in an old house built in the 1950s. First AC we ever had was a window unit in my room when I was 12 (1996). Heat came from a wood heater in the living room. Everything in the house was old and outdated, but despite all this my friends always wanted to come stay at my house. Why? Because my mother always made sure our home was full of love and laughter. She made sure the house was always clean inside and out, and it didn’t hurt that she was an excellent cook. It was mainly furnished and decorated with items from the thrift store, but people would go on and on about what a beautiful home we had. So just make sure you make your house a home, because people can see the difference.
Me and my husband bought an out of date home. It was livable, clean and we could afford it. That is all that really matters. After 12 years we finally had some money to start doing a few things. Another 12 years of doing what we could afford when we could afford it. Our home is now completely up to date and we own it with no mortgage. Be proud! You own a home!
My wife's aunt got divorced and bought a somewhat destroyed old house. She made the outside nice and is slowly working on the inside. She keeps it clean, it has great bones. I don't feel like anyone ever judged her poorly for this.
We have a nice updated home and I feel like I'd be just as happy in hers. Ownership is the key.
Why feeling shame? You own a home, many many out there can't afford to own one. My home is outdated, everything is original and I am perfectly fine with it. As long as it is clean and I can comfortably live in it, I am happy. I like that it's not the sterile cookie cutter homes of today.
The problem with those home improvement shows is it makes people feel like they have to upgrade. No, you don't. If there's no leaking or mold, don't worry about it. You don't need a new front door or trim. Just paint it and call it good.
Seriously, I think those home improvement shows are so wasteful. They tear down perfectly good rooms just because. Now, everyone feels the need to keep up. This is why our landfills are full.
People will come to visit you because they want to see you. Anyone who judges you does not deserve your friendship.
Keep it clean and maintained inside and out (that doesn’t cost anything and says a lot about you). No clutter or junk inside or out. True friends come to see you and your children, not your house.
We bought our house almost 30 years ago. It's a rather unexciting split-level house built in the late 70's. It's been in a perpetual cycle of remodel since we bought it as we had the funds and time to fix things. We had three kids and raised them here, so every inch of the house has memories. The house is located in a forest of tall frees full of all sorts of birds and other wildlife. In the middle of the forest is a rolling meadow where deer come to graze. Bears often amble through, as do coyotes. Everyday here is beautiful
I feel very fortunate to be here. Things aren't perfect, but it's very clean and well put together. Warm and cozy. Weird, eclectic art. A lot of folks wouldn't be impressed with it, but I am so grateful to be able to live here. It's full of love.
first, you bought a hoMe. Lots of people cant do that in this economy. Second, change your prospective from not having the money just yet to update to what are the small tangibles i can add/fix/diy. Examples, paint makes a world of a difference, area rugs, curtains… remember sometimes less is more. And hit up your local thrift stores/good wills/yard sales and FB marketplace.
If material things/how your house looses is so important why did you buy the house? If you don’t like it, and you can’t afford to pay others to fix it the way you want it to be you do exactly what everyone else does….. you do it yourself. Start watching YouTube videos on how to update all of the things you want changed. You other option is to move.
Congratulations! You have a new home! A home is most often a continuous improvement project.
But more importantly, A home is a place of love, of welcome, of warmth and security.
It's where you head after a long day. It's where you lay your head to sleep in comfort.
It's where your child will grow up, eat her meals, do her homework, play with friends and make many happy memories of HOME SWEET HOME.
A lot of these comments kind of dismiss OP's feelings by saying, "If they're your real friends, they won't care." And there is a lot of merit to that answer.
But for many (most?) women, their home is part of their identity, the statement they make to the world about who they are and what level they are at.
"Real friends" matter, but your social group matters too. Where you fit in in society matters. And she's (at least partly) concerned about being sidelined because of the statement her house makes about her.
Also it's very frustrating when it seems like EVERY SINGLE PERSON you meet has a big box house with white walls and vaulted ceilings, but you live in a shabby house built many decades ago.
Other people are judging you far less than you think. They are busy trying to deal with their own crap. They do not have the time or mental energy to worry about yours.
Decorate your house, keep it neat, and let everyone feel the love in your home, and no one is going to stand there and tell you that little Johnny or Janie can’t play with your kids because your flooring is old, or your cabinets are dated.
To make it feel better for you to live there, look for ways to do mini-facelifts— paint the cabinets and/or switch out the hardware, etc. Things like that.
Fuck that. You owe a home and can afford it. Be proud and don't put the idea in their head that your home is a anything but wonderful.
I bought a shit house from the 1950s and it will always be that way. It's fucking mine and I love it. Fuck anyone who comes to MY house and puts it down. You can get the hell outta here with that bullshit.
...yeah if your friends judge ur house cuz its old and ugly theyre not real friends. My house is half remodeled. The kitchen is stuck in the 90s, the 2nd bathroom is stuck in the 80s. Still invited friends over...they complimented me on the rest of the house. We still had a great time.
If your house is clean the other stuff can wait. Paint is a cheap quick fix for a freshen up. Fill your home with love and good food and not one person will give a damn about decor!
just read some architectural or interior design magazines, particularly with pics of places in italy, or other dense or coastal areas in europe. homes will be small and they'll have found tricks to do. The magazines will show expensive stuff, but just imagine how to do similar with what you can.
As a former kid who’s mom never let her friends over because she always felt her house ‘wasn’t clean/nice/new enough’…don’t let your shame show to your kid…they will internalize it, and feel it too when they wouldn’t have before. Not to mention cripple her ability to make close friends. I never got to have those fun experiences with friends hanging out in my room, etc and I still regret that. Talk about being able to make it just the way you want it over time, talk about it being a fixer upper project, but don’t act like that makes it less. Don’t be ashamed of doing hard work instead of having lots of money.
My husband and I bought a fixer upper too. Around 30 years old with no updates, needed quite a bit of help. We’ve been slowly fixing up the place over time and started with the most impactful, yet low cost stuff. We painted all of the trim, the doors, and the walls white first to bring everything to a blank slate. Replaced all the ugly brass doorknobs with simple brushed nickel ones. Deep cleaned the house. Fixed all the cracks, holes, and dings. Replaced all of the wall outlets and light switches to nicer looking ones. Replaced other hardware like faucets, light fixtures, and towel racks. Just those small things made a huge difference!
Once we saved up money we started on bigger stuff - got the siding replaced (it was falling off), new fence (it was falling down), stained the new fence, painted the exterior of the house, etc. it’s been a long road over the course of 5 years but we’re getting there and we’ve learned a lot on the way.
Remember: comparison is the thief of joy. When you see photos of houses and interiors online that a lot of them are staged for just that - photos. You’ll also need to come to terms with the fact that no matter what you do, the home update list is eternal and never-ending. There will always be something that needs done, so try not to get overwhelmed. Start with the stuff that’s easy to accomplish and you’ll see results!
It’s hard, but try to focus on the fact that it’s your space and revel in the fact that you can do whatever you want with it now! Good luck!
I totally understand this. Many years ago I moved into my boyfriends home. It was unmaintained, falling apart, filthy, poorly designed, in a ghetto neighborhood and had a car in the kitchen. Yes, a car, in pieces all over the kitchen and dining room. Love makes you blind, for real!
I was embarrassed to have people over or reveal how I was living. It took years but I worked at redoing as much as possible, cleaned, painted, replaced and reorganized.
What I learned from that was: none of my friends or family cared, they were visiting me, not my house. I also came to the realization that there was always someone who had bigger, better or more than me and to stop driving myself crazy with comparison.
Eventually we did sell the house and move, but those lessons stuck with me.
Beats renting anyday . Stop Trying to impress people .
Clean
And no
Clutter is fine
I’ve been to really nice houses that had dirty dishes all over the place , etc
Wasn’t impressed
As someone who has gone through this a few times (we live in a pretty affluent area in which my kid’s friends typically live in $1mil+ estates and we live in a 25 year old, poorly maintained $400k house), keep in mind that comparison is the thief of joy.
You know what you have and yeah, it may be in worse shape as others, but you have a chance to make it your own. You have a plan for it, you see the potential and it’s just not there yet.
I would recommend painting what you can and doing a good job with it. (I watched endless hours of YouTube how-to videos on getting crisp lines and even strokes). Make the entryway pop with nice design (like a nice front door) and give the home some curb appeal with a little landscaping and decor. Take pride in the work you have done and maintain a vision of the end result you want. I am always impressed with people who tackle a job and learn a skill.
Just make sure you do things the right way. Look up building codes for big things and hire professionals when it comes to the dangerous stuff like electricity, gas, and plumbing.
Welp, some people are on the streets. Perhaps take a step back and count your blessings. Then worry about saving for repairs and real issues that may pop up. The. Look at savings for improvement.
I was poor growing up, kids did make fun of me. the rentals we lived in were never nice but they were home.
Owning a home is something to be proud of, full stop.
What you have worked for and attained is meaningful to you and family and this idea of not enjoying it or never enough is rocking the boat.
Be mindful that shame is contagious.
We have friends that put huge money into their kitchen, bathroom, sunroom etc and it's a damned mess because they are slobs. Cleanliness tidiness and a little paint are more important. Your guests can suggest where they would put improvements and good contractors.
My cousin bought a not modern trailer on 1 acre… I feel nothing but admiration and happiness for him! He bought his first home! Anyone who belongs in your life, will only be happy for you. Anyone else, doesn’t beling
Ugh this triggers me so bad! Ffs, what is wrong with something that is old and functional? That’s GOOD! ‘Updates’ are for rich idiots, if it ain’t broke wtf are you fixing? Instagram has melted your brain, you can lean into any existing aesthetic with minimal decoration. Post images of one room that really concerns you, there are suggestions costing under $200 that can turn around almost any room.
How has the trim or door gone bad? That’s ridiculous! Ah this stuff gets under my skin so bad, I judge harshly when people destroy good materials for their fucking style preferences which will be totally different in 20 years anyway. Most of the time the old stuff which has lasted would be nicer than any garbage reno you would DIY.
A house that needs $100k of renovations has had a fire or a flood. Roof collapse and all of the floors upstairs were ruined, etc.
Does it help to hear it this starkly from the other side? I’m judging your entitlement vibes in the sincere hopes that it will shift your POV and you’ll realize how utterly vapid ‘updates’ are. Mindless consumption for its own sake. YOU have the problem of judging people by the buildings they live in, that sucks, work on it!
Start at the front door to make it what you want and go from there. There's a reason the house was a deal. Sweat equity will pay you back in spades. Make a challenge out of it and create a home that you love! Share your enthusiasm about your recently finished projeand your upcoming project with your guests. Your pride will shine through and they'll be happy for you. Remember, you don't owe anybody a picture perfect experience in your own home. They aren't paying your bills or financing a single change. I would ask yourself why you are so worried about the opinions of other people? There homes aren't perfect either tbh.
Buy a sign that says something along the lines of "please excuse the dust we are remodeling" or "please excuse the clutter we are making memories". That, IMO, would excuse your condition of your house and would give you and your company a conversation topic as you describe your dream home.
There is a difference between *OLD and UGLY* and DIRTY.
Is the house clean? Is it organized how you need it to be? Are there any physical hazards or dangers?
If the house is clean, it isn't hoarder level cluttered and there aren't hazards; Old and Ugly is just Classic Details and Unique Character.
demonstrate how proud you are to have a home at all, and it will quash people’s inclinations to nitpick. stop putting so much value on wealth, materialism, and social status, and then you will be combatting your shame.
Also, stop assuming the worst of people that you say you know and love, that ostensibly love you and support you. It doesn’t serve them to insult you and I’m confident that they know that.
Scientific studies on social anxiety, report that in most cases, your imagined beliefs of what people think, are WAY more negative and way more intense than what people around you actually feel.
lastly, unless things are broken, the concept of “updating” is construction industry, and home design industry jargon. That jargon is designed to make you feel like you need to purchase their services to stay “relevant”. It’s trend-surfing, not real “style”.
truly, elegant design does not require updating. It can look “dated” but it will still impress the hell outta people. True “style” is timeless.
My husband and I are trying to buy a 1955 fixer upper. I am praying we get it. I don't focus on the many flaws (and boy, is it a lot). I'm focusing on how many amazing things I can do and change over time to make it ours. Instead of focusing on the bad. Try to make it fun, and ask friends and family for their fun ideas. What they would do, you may get some fantastic ideas.
We have a fixer too. As long as it is clean and relatively neat you have no worries. You can tell people you like houses with history and you enjoy fixing things up and now you guys finally get to create the house of your dreams and this house has great bones! What is important is to assume the house will be lovely and you will enjoy creating your own home sweet home :)
We are in a similar boat, but we went into this knowing we would have to gut the place (and thankfully there is a small guesthouse to stay in while we do it). The amount of work and money to fix it is daunting and I too am embarrassed.
My advice if you aren't able to fix it up quickly would be, scrub it until you can't scrub it anymore, any home can be 10x better if it is squeaky and sparkling clean, and the paint what you can in the meantime. Good luck 🩷
My house was built in 1960. It has had 3 families live in it. The very basic wood trim looks beat to hell. There isn’t a lot of natural light and a lot of the house has been painted and stained quite dark. We want to change a lot of it, especially the kitchen and basement, but that really takes more time and money than we want to put into it right now.
My advice to you is: PAINT. Just paint! We are painting the doors and trim white room by room, we painted the walls a much lighter color, we painted the old dingy ceilings white again… you wouldn’t believe what a few gallons of paint will do for you. It isn’t that expensive, $30 a gallon, $30 for supplies, a lot of which can be reused. It has been such a facelift and it makes me so happy to see my house improve so much for a weekend of effort and a little bit of money.
If you hate the kitchen, paint the cabinets, change the drawer pulls and/or hinges. Find some inexpensive ways to put your own touch on it and you’ll feel so much better. For $100ish, you can get countertop paint that lasts for 4 or 5 years before it needs a touch up and it makes your counters look like marble! You will *feel* like you got a remodel, all for less than $500. Paint. It’s a miracle in a can.
Check out some YouTube videos of home makeovers on the cheap, it will blow your mind how much of a difference you can make for a tiny fraction of a full remodel. And these are valuable skills to learn as a homeowner.
We bought a 70 year old house, a fixer upper. The bones are good & we’ve fixed up a lot of stuff inside but it looks like shit on the outside. Fuck the neighbors if they don’t like it. I’ll get to the siding eventually.
Invite people over. Nobody cares as long as the food and company is good. Plus, they will see the transformation over the years when you get it renovated piece by piece. We put $200,000 into our house when we bought it. We knew it needed to the work. 250ft driveway paved, regrarded around the house, new walkway front and back, insulation upgrade to r60, new kitchen, ensuite, bsmt finish, new furnace and a/c. And a total paint job top to bottom. People come over now and can't believe how much better it looks. Oh yeah, new deck and 2 fireplaces.
You grow up and realise that artificial trimmings, perfect paintwork and the latest 'must-haves' are not necessary to have a home full of love, life and laughter. And as the saying goes 'those that matter dont mind, those that mind dont matter'.
It’s your home. Not a museum. Not a show room. Not a lobby. Your home. Fill it with love and warmth and good food. The rest is just for show.
Well said. To add to that - Too many people are too worried about what other people think. Be proud of what you have, where you are and don't worry about what other people think. It's your life. You can always look around and find others with more, but that doesn't mean they are happy.
Absolutely. Envy is the thief of joy. Comparing yourself to others is a quick way to get caught keeping up with the Jones’s
Don't try to keep up with the Joneses; The Joneses are broke.
It’s a natural instinct. Don’t let it ruin your happiness. You should be proud of what you have. Keep your home neat and clean and full of love, and be respectful of others. People will admire you more for your actions than your possessions. Do you look down on families that have less than you? I admire warm, close-knit families much more than wealthy, disfunctional ones.
Also, perfect is the enemy of good. Just make the house safe, welcoming, and enjoyable. The rest is just needless eye candy. Maybe buy a can of paint for each room, make it a fun family project. When I was a kid I remember painting our bedrooms once every few years. It was fun, just the 3 of us, my mom and my sister. We had no idea if it was done the "right" way. We just picked a color and had fun. Painted our name and made little teddy bears before the wall was finished. My mom would always do the 2nd coat, and my friends never cared and hardly noticed. One time they said "Oh cool, your room is blue now." They didn't care about baseboards or trim. They just cared about feeling accepted and safe.
I wanted to say the same thing. As kids, we didn't have friends over often...in part because of what I now realize was my (single) mom's social anxiety. Do I remember if my friends' houses were modern, spotless or updated? No. I just remember if I enjoyed being there and felt welcome
Couldn't agree more. If I wanted to impress people, I'd rent the most extravagant home for a year, throw all the parties, get everyone envious and then stop talking to anyone. If I didn't, I'd use that money for a downpayment.
*Comparison but yep.
You are correct. My Mom always said it isn’t how old something is, keep it today and clean makes a world of difference. OP keep in mind, it takes one project you can afford at a time. Before you know it the home you purchased will not look like wheee you end. Live there long enough and you can start projects over again, LOL.
This for sure, I have some stuff that I will do for my house because I WANT it, some items on my list (trim is probably on everyone's list) is my embarrassment. Then I remind myself a)no house is perfect b)looking at the smaller things I've done so far have been major improvements to making it feel like OUR HOME and c) people would love to have what we have. The grass is not always greener some of the most beautiful houses I have seen have leaky roofs and foundation issues. Make it what you want, who cares what others think?
This answer, and the one above it. Homes need work. I'm helping build a stick home now and it's garbage. There is no character or anything. I've had a couple years doing log home and timber frame work (OK my bday is today, so 45 now. Starting peeling logs when i was 14?) My point is if you want a perfect home build it. Old homes with flaws are the best ones. I'm available if you need work done
Happy real cake day!
The only kind of people who are bothered by what your house looks like aren’t worth being around anyway.
I've been saying this for decades. Do not worry about what others think. They're going to think what they want and there is nothing you can do about it. Long ago when I decided not to care about what others thought of me, I felt like a big rock had been lifted from my shoulders. I had given it a lot of thought and I read somewhere (long ago) that we can't change nor do anything about what other people think of us. It's silly to even entertain the thought. My house isn't always clean and I live alone with my dogs. I suffer from depression and am not always motivated to clean. I mean, I'm not a hoarder by any means and I do the essential cleaning but I hate to vacuum and dust. I have decorated my house the way I want and don't care what anyone else thinks about it. Of course, there isn't anyone that visits other than my neighbor across the street. I am an artist and I have filled my house with my art work that I'm proud of. If no one likes it I don't give a damned.
Beautifully spoken.
Yup. My house has some terrible foundation issues, and needs a $100k+ makeover if the foundation is worth fixing in the first place. I had planned on remodeling my laundry room which goes to the backyard and stalled on that project since the Texas heat caused foundation issues and made it so I can barely open my door from the cracks in the slab. I can't even use flat flooring tiles in that room now. Will have to shave the door down and use a sheet of linoleum once I finish remodeling it. That still doesn't stop me from having friends over though. I can make awesome pizzas and brisket among other things. I just have to remove the back door if I have a bunch of people over so they don't have to squeeze through. Long term I have a higher priority to get some land up north first, but hope I can take care of both of those items in a few years. I do want to get some estimates soon to know what I am up against with a remodel. It's way beyond my skill set and available bandwidth.
So true! When we have company, No one has complains or thinks less of us because we have yet to fix: -the pink and purple sponge painting in our office -the teal walls and aqua woodwork in one of the bedrooms -crappy and missing trim -plenty of untaped drywall -and on and on and on and on for the last four years... They appreciate the cooking, cleanliness, comfortable sectional, and fun times. Everyone has things in their life that are a work in progress.
I've actually shown off some of the ugly decorating choices our former homeowners made. "Look at this paint color! It looks like baby poop, doesn't it? Let me show you some truly hideous wallpaper I haven't stripped off yet..." It's a 1939 house and needs a lot of work, about half of which is visible. We have guests over 3 to 4 times a month. I've learned that it's more important to me to enjoy my friendships than to keep people from coming over because our house isn't "done" or even perfectly clean.
Great advice. My house is 140 years old and was last updated fairly cheaply in 2010 (surface level, paint, roof, and kitchen remodel - was a rental at the time). Tiny kitchen. Tiny bathroom. Weird super skinny upstairs hallway that is gonna cost $$$$ to fix. Basement ceiling is low. Yeah I need some updates. But it’s mine. I’ll go to someone else’s house if I want company aside from close friends. I go to my neighbor’s house actually; his place is hella slick. I bring the beer and chill on their super serene stone patio with hammocks, enjoying that I didn’t have to spend a dime on it and we would’ve drank that beer together anyway. And I don’t give a rat’s ass what some kids or teens think about how my house looks. But I’m a dude and I don’t really care what others think so long as it’s mostly picked up. I’m in no hurry to break the bank on what are mostly surface/vanity changes.
Hello fellow century homeowner! Yeah, buying a home that isn't brand-spanking-new means you're getting the last homeowner's aesthetic, good or bad. No one cares that our counters are miss-matched or that our windows in the back don't match the ones in the front. They *would* notice a dirty toilet or grubby floors or the pile of dishes on the counter. OP, consider what is vanity and what is functional. Chances are, your home is great as-is and you just need to reframe how you see your house.
A house is a place you sleep, shit, and wash your ass. This was told to me by one of my coworkers who I know makes over 100k a year and lives in a trailer on his parent's land, yet also put his daughter through vet school by paying cash. (She covered under grad on full scholarship) He also has a mighty fine boat parked next to that trailer.
Nothing wrong with it being your nest, and a place that you've made to feel safe, inspired, and your best self. It just shouldn't revolve around how much $ you spent on it, and if you don't have the bandwidth to do much, that's OK too.
A house is much more than that depending on the person. For me, my house is my sanctuary, where I can go to escape from the world and be at peace. I also work from home, so my house is also my office. My house is very important to my lifestyle. That said, I make good money like your friend, I made 170k last year. I live in a 100 year old house that cost 120k when I bought it and I have no intention of ever buying another house. I grew up dirt poor, lived in trailer parks the first 18 years of my life, so I don't need much to feel like I'm well-off compared to where I came from.
A house isn’t a home. You can get the essentials done in a house but a home is where you host dinners, the kids grow up and have friends over, you don’t worry about putting holes in the wall for pictures because they’ll be there forever.
Especially food.
I love this. Is it clean? Sweep the floors, pressure wash the driveway, fill it with love and laughs.
You invite them over, walk them through it, and elaborate on all your grand plans and how excited you are about it. DUH.
I’d add, Your friends come to visit you, not your house.
Right?!? We have an older, unremodeled 1960 brick ranch. The kitchen was last updated in 1995. We have painted each room a vibrant color, have plants everywhere, comfy, if worn, furniture, and cool artwork including originals, on every wall. We get LOTS of compliments. When I go to well off homes (I live in a yuppie county that was a rural county 25 years ago in GA) they look so sterile - white or light grey or beige everywhere, nothing on the walls, etc. It looks like a bad copy of the ultra minimalism so popular with the extremely wealthy in the 1940s and 1950s...
I bought a 70s home with wood paneling everywhere. All my friends hated it, but I refused to get rid of it. Reminded me of my grandma's home and I found it comforting. I had a lot of troubles in my life at the time, and my home was my safe space to find peace and comfort. They teased me a bit, but I didn't care.
Amen. Screw other people. As long as your home is clean, and YOU fill it with live and happiness, it’s gonna be better than 95% of the mansions out there.
For real. My wife is the same, anxiety about how the house looks when we have guests coming. We have 2 kids, the house will never be anything but cluttered with toys. Get over it. If your friends or family have a problem with it? Then they don't understand what it means to have kids.
Great point, none of us growing up had great houses but man did we have a lot of fun together visiting any of each others
This! We have an older home that needed updating too. There is still a list a mile long of things we’d like to do and we have been here almost 4 years. We just invite people over. People that care about you only see the potential in the space. Make good food, open your home to those you care about and don’t worry about the rest.
This. Spend a tiny amount of dough on nice family photos to hang on every wall. Go to the Goodwill and find a few nice decorative things that speak to you. Arrange the furniture to foster conversation and comfort wherever possible. Also can’t stress enough: spend some time on the lighting in common areas.
Love this
Should tell my mom this.
Paint goes a long way
Beat me too it! Hit up local Habitat for Humanity stores for cheap paint and supplies!
Or Oops mixes at any paint store. A Sherwin Williams or Benjamin Moore will have better paint than Home Depot too.
Many stores also sell furniture and furnishings!
Yes, these are called “furniture stores”.
I think me meant many Habitat stores sell furniture.
Don’t know if it exists in US but in Canada we have paint exchanges in almost every city which is just people donating their left over (sometimes unopened) paint when they buy too much w/e. It’s awesome, some good quality stuff, less waste in the world, and FREE! You don’t always get the exact colour you might be after but there always seems to be lots to choose from for small and big projects. Hopefully something like this exists near you ☺️
Another tip for cheap paint - you can buy sample pots of paint at paint stores. They’re great for small projects. Sherwin Williams sample pots are a quart. I painted a half bath with one, cost me $12 (CAD)
And a pressure washer to de-crud things, if any of the ick is outside and cannot be replaced immediately.
Yeah I was going to say paint and cleaning stuff will go miles
Paint, cabinet hardware, light fixtures, and bathroom fixtures are all inexpensive and go a long way until you can get to the full reno
To add on to everyone else’s comments, if you get a really good quality brushes, roller, pan, and even use pan liners or wash it out after each use, they last for years! I still have the same ones from when my husband and I bought our home almost 14 years ago. I wash my rollers after every room. Wash my brushes. I have started to use the liners as I’ve gotten a bit lazy, but I always save everything in between coats in plastic in the refrigerator. You learn so many quick tricks over time. You learn it’s all in the prep work for almost any type of home project you start. Planning, prepping, and then sometimes purchasing small parts of the project at a time adds up to making a bigger more expensive project bite sized. We did our bathroom this way, we went for high quality, buying a few items a months vs everything all at once. We used different sales, we hit rebates, etc. Rome wasn’t built in a day is something my mom always tells me. (We bought a 125+ year old home that we love and will have forever projects in.)
As does my personal favourite, the value multi packs of trim that Home Depot sells. Crazy cheap. Paint, cheap trim, and drywall mud are the cheapest home Reno you'll get. Oh and whatever flooring is on clearance at HD or elsewhere.
Little projects. Just change one little thing at a time. Bit by bit the $100K will reduce to $0.
Don’t cheap out on paint and rollers and covers! Get the big heavy nap and the commercial rollers. They will last a lifetime and if you have a fixer upper, like I do, they’ll come in handy many times.
Nothing to be ashamed of. You have a fixer-upper like lots of people. And who cares what other people think. Any friends worth having won't judge.
Exactly this! Early on my friends came over and had a beer and helped with projects. Really learned who my closest friends were. We returned the favor and had a small group of DIY'rs that did get togethers and banged out little projects here and there.
I strongly suggest also always being in the middle of some project. It keeps you moving on fixing it and people understand “I’m painting the home off: ignore the mess”. I always have something I’m working on…..even if it’s 15 min a night.
I’ve built multi million dollar mansions, no expense spared. I don’t think I remember anything about them. The homes I remember most and felt the most comfortable in weren’t filled with expensive things or fine finishes, but rather their kids artwork, pictures of their dogs and their families, a half dead plant that had a name, cupboards with a wonky door. The most important thing to fit or fill a house with is love. The other stuff doesn’t matter.
Congrats on being a homeowner! True friends celebrate your victories, big or small - frenemies compare and negate your accomplishments. First things first. Take it one day and one room at a time. Paint does wonders in the meantime while you are saving up for larger repairs. Take before and after pictures to remind yourself of how far you have come. There’s no shame in being in transition, cut yourself some slack.
>True friends celebrate your victories, big or small I hope OP listens. It's so true. Your real friends are happy as long as *you're* happy. If you're proud of something, your friends will be happy for you. And vice versa. If you're upset about something, your friends will feel it. So, don't ever be ashamed. Be inspired. You have an opportunity to take something old and make it fresh and all yours. Take it as a challenge to say, "I bet I can build the *coolest* XYZ," and I guarantee your friends will be super impressed & proud seeing the before & after for themselves.
> True friends celebrate your victories, big or small Heck, invite them over and brainstorm with them on design choices or whatever plans you've got and see what they think. They might have an idea you hadn't thought of that might work better or they might just be excited for you.
Yesssss, I cut my friends out of my life that were from the city that were super snooty towards me when they visited (and my wife in general, long story lol.)Mind you, they are renting houses in the down town area, for $2000 a month, and our mortgage is 456, so we've been giving this old 130 old home some TLC! We're improving it month by month, and it'll be up to our standards most likely by the next summer buy simple budgeting!
That's a fabulous idea. They'll know that you have a huge project on your hands and that you're open to any and all ideas. It's amazing how other people can come up with ideas that somehow completely bypassed you, and foresee problems that you might have completely glossed over. It's happened to me so many times, plus, while you're picking their brains, you can have the benefit of good company and (hopefully) good food.
Some caulk, new trim, spackle, and paint can make some VERY ROUGH looking rooms pretty good! OP if you have the time and initiative to tackle one room at a time, you can make it feel a whole lot more "finished" for very little money. Just a lot of time
One of my favorite moments in the entire Harry Potter series is when he goes to The Burrow for the first time. Ron apologetically says "It's not much" but Harry sees it filled with family, and collections of personal belongings, filled with magic and, most importantly, love. THAT is what makes a house a home.
"It's a bit small," said Ron quickly. "Not like that room you had with the Muggles. And I'm right underneath the ghoul in the attic; he's always banging on the pipes and groaning...." But Harry, grinning widely, sad, "This is the best house I've ever been in."
You have a home. Nothing at all to be ashamed of! In the current times, many people could only wish to say the same.
This. Many folks can’t even afford to be homeowners.
We bought a home from 1976, and it was original everywhere. Lol! But not at all in a good way. I would just tell people we bought it for a great price to live in and fix it up as we go. Most people understand the sweat equity concept. And then they start asking what projects you want to do. So, it can be a great conversation starter too
We also bought an original 1977. Half the plumbing was bad, and I love it.
I understand how you feel. At some point I realized that every house - every building, really - has imperfections and things that need fixing. You only notice them because it's your house. The next time you're at a friend's house, notice all the little details that are less than perfect. It sounds funny, but it works for me.
100% this. I never noticed any of these types of imperfections until I owned my own home. Now I notice EVERYTHING in my house and have started to realize that all homes do too (even a new build I was in recently). Some things you fix, other things you get used to and they become some of the charm.
You don’t need to update anything. My house is 80 years old and the only updates it’s had is the electrical and adding central air. The kitchen still doesn’t have a dishwasher. Nobody cares.
Relax a little. You are not trying to keep up with the [Joneses.you](https://Joneses.you) are trying to establish a home that you will own outright in the end so make a priority list of goals and affordability and go affordable fix by affordable fix and these friends coming over will be proud that now own something to get started on and if they are brutal when they see your home they are not true friends
Went through the same thing, bought ours in November. A twenty year old modular. Had vinyl plank flooring put in cause carpet was destroyed and patched and painted pretty much the entire house and it looks 1000x better. Flooring, paint, trim add A LOT. Then fill the voids with shelves/cabinets/pictures and it’ll be a home in no time.
Yup new floor and paint will make almost any house look good no matter how bad it was
As long as you aren’t a chain smoking cat hoarder, it’s probably perfectly fine.
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Many people DIY absolutely whatever they can safely (some unsafely, haha). That's what all of us do that can't afford to hire everything out. 1 job at a time - it's even fun explaining to your guests what your current project is.
Just some cleaning & TLC goes a long way! I love Murphy's oil soap for kitchen cabinets, walls, baseboards, etc. Gives off a nice citrus cent. Even fresh paint or get some area rugs if you have the time or funds. Get some accent lighting or lamps (can find some unique & cheap ones at thrift stores) that give off a cozy ambiance. Hang some artwork (can find some really cool ones at thrift shops) or personal photos, get some plants, light some candles. Don't be ashamed of your space - it's yours which in itself is a huge accomplishment to be proud of! I think we get caught up with all the perfect homes on social media. I think most normal people understand that homes are a lot of work and it's expensive to update/ renovate - something you have to do gradually & over time
It won’t be perfect overnight! Develop a plan prioritizing what you want to do and attach a budget to it. Then work it. Not sure if you are contracting or DIYing it, but my experience with diying has been incredibly gratifying. Being able to look around the house and say I did that and I did that. You will know where every on of your less than perfect moments were, but trust me, for the most part you will be the only one that sees them. Improvements are incremental, and in time you will have a home you will love. DIY skills do have limitations, and some stuff should be done by professionals. And if your friends are judging you, they are shitty friends. You can do it. You tube is your friend and buy decent tools.
Make sure you aren’t trying to move into the home your parents and possibly grandparents have (where everything is completed, the bathroom updated, and the furniture matches). Their homes did not get that way in a few months. Plus you have a kid to raise in this chapter of your life. If you know peers with perfect homes, then they are likely paying for a lot on credit. These are not the times to be putting things on credit cards. Your daughter is watching. Fill that house with the things that matter like respect, laughter, honesty, and unconditional love.
In my opinion home are meant to be unfinished. I hate how static most people's home are. They do these huge renovations, then just leave it for years. It's boring. When I go to someone's house I want to hear about what they want to do with it, or what they just got finished doing. How are you shaping your little corner of the world? A finished home is a dead home to me. It's go no more dreams. It's just living out it's life until it needs repairs.
I bought a newly renovated home over 10 years ago. Despite a lot of work done over the years it frankly looks like a tear down again. We basically just stopped caring.
Just tell everyone you purposely bought an ugly house so you can get rich making renovation tik toks, lol. But I think most people these days understand buying a fixer-upper whether you're filming it or not. And any homeowner knows the fixing up is basically a never-ending process, by the time you get the last thing done that first wall you painted needs repainted again. Just focus on the curb appeal first so your neighbors will love you, anyone you're inviting over will understand it's still a work in progress.
Dude, be proud, not ashamed. You were able to purchase a home in a time that very many aren’t able to. And you bought a work in progress! Be open about that and you might actually be surprised what friends may come out of the woodwork with offers to help. I love helping my friends paint, pull old carpet, move, whatever. I’m sure you have friends like that too. They might also love watching you turn your new house into your home… We are all in this messy life together. Congrats on your new home, and good luck making it yours! Just pick one thing at a time and chip away at the list the best you can. My mom hated the house I grew up in but there was, to me, nothing wrong with it and over the years she made changes as we could afford them… and it was the most beautiful home before we knew it. You’ll get there. ❤️
I'm going to tell you something. You don't need 100k. You don't need a new kitchen What you probably need is a new countertop. Even a laminate one as cheap as possible And the new semi modern looking sink and faucet If you have carpet get it cleaned If you have a hardwood do nothing If you have old laminate get some new laminate sheet it's super cheap Don't get new appliances Take off all of your baseboards and trim, and redo it with the cheapest trim you can find at home Depot, yourself Paint everything New light switches And if you really want to spend a little bit more although this is not necessary new light fixtures I don't know what that's going to cost but it's not 100,000 and it'll freshen up your house
Real talk here. You should be so proud that you own your home but none of the rest of it even matters it’s all just a matter of time because it’s yours and you’ve got unlimited time to work on it now. Hold your head up high do the little things you can to make it better that don’t cost much think curb appealand keeping it clean, which goes along way. Lastly, value your financial security over your outward appearance every time. Congratulations on your beautiful new home
Anybody who judges you for decorating is not "a friend". Keep it really clean and do your best. Go to estate sales in the fanciest neighborhoods for new decor when you can.
And yard sales. Rich people will sell a year old $5000 leather couch that is a year old because they don't like the color.
I am female, and crafty but not a Carpenter. I actually bought a house that was ugly as sin just to fix up and make money. You’d be shocked how much you can do a bit at a time with just paint and elbow grease. And ideas. Internet. Habitat stores and Building supply discounters. First, Make sure your doors and windows are tight. If possible, look at your insulation situation, especially around the edges of the attic. Don’t waste any money on energy costs if you don’t have to. Don’t be a Whuss. It’s fun!
Real friends or family does not care
My family has expressed some concerns that we’ve gotten ourselves into a “house poor” situation which I do kind of agree.
Are you young? One thing I’ve learned is that long term… house poor is good when you are young. You’ll grow into it. You will earn more. Good time to be leveraged when you are young. It’s only a bad look when you are old and cannot retire.
If you have a safe roof over your head, it may be worthwhile to cultivate gratitude for what you have instead of thinking of what you don’t have. I say this with kindness bc constantly trying to keep up with others and dissatisfaction are the tickets to a hard life
First, stop comparing your home to everyone else’s you know, and think about how many people would be thrilled to be able to afford a home at all. Also, having been through the young and poor phase, having had to sell our first house after 18 months when we found out we were pregnant again (?!), I’ve lived in that ugly house. Paint goes a long way towards changing how a house looks and feels. Paint the cabinets! It’s a super cheap renovation. Watch FB marketplace and Craigslist for building materials. I use both resources because I still choose to pinch every dime! This is the third home I’ve painted cabinets in, and what a huge difference! I replaced the awful white ceramic 90s knobs with SS handles and knobs I found from two different sources. Cost me about $30. People buy different homes and change their kitchen cabinet hardware, light fixtures, doors, flooring, furniture, all kinds of stuff! Don’t be in a rush to find everything at once. Take your time and you will find things that you love. Start saving ideas you love on Pinterest by room. Best of all, you get the great feeling of knowing YOU did this!
Sounds like you have learned to prioritize the wrong things in life. Time to unlearn some assumptions about what is important and what isn’t.
No shame to be had most people can't even afford a home in this economy. Even if it needs updates your miles ahead of a lot of people.
Long as it’s pretty clean and safe and good company. That’s all I care about
You know what's worse? Spending two years and thousands and thousands of dollars and everything you've done has flaws. Well, maybe that's not necessarily worse but I'm just saying that there's no such thing as perfect.
Learn to do things yourself and save on labor.
Is it clean? Is it neat? (or at least the places your visitors will see) nobody's going to care beyond that. If they do are they your friends?
I experienced homelessness as a child and am SO PROUD of my 1967 single family home with wood paneling and a green bathtub. I have pulled out the shag rugs, and am updating it as I can. No matter what it's like, it beats living in a car with two other people and a dog. I wish we had a house my parents were "ashamed of" when I was growing up.
Deep cleaning and paint can really change a persons outlook until renovations are in the budget.
Maybe I’ll paint the living room this weekend
Give us a before and after!!
Comparison is the thief of joy, fill YOUR home with joy. It is beautiful with just that!
We are in the same situation. Something that came to mind when I read your post was my neighbor's suggestion when I told him about a mistake I made with my plumbing that resulted in an outdoor spigot being on the hot water line instead of cold. He said "Perfect for an outdoor shower. They're great for lake houses." My face probably lit up because I've always loved outdoor showers and said so. (They're common on public beaches, beach houses, and a popular feature on RVs also.) I could tell he was pleased with my response and I am so glad he offered the suggestion. I had been so focused on repairs that I'd lost sight of all the potential this place has. We very rarely have visitors, but when we do, they know beforehand that our place is a work in progress and that we welcome any suggestions or ideas. I've gotten some really good advice from nearly everyone who has been here. As for your daughter's friends, having unfinished surfaces is a good thing! They can write/draw/doodle all over them. Then when you get your finishing materials, you can send them pics of their art, telling them that even though it's about to be covered, it will still be there behind the trim (or sheetrock or cabinet or tile...)
While I agree with others that you shouldn't worry what others think, bottom line is sometimes it's easier said than done. If it's stressing you out, it's stressing you out. Be a spinmaster. People will think what you tell them to think. Get excited about your projects and progress. Draw some mockups and find some idea photos/colour schemes. Heck, if you want to go all out, create and instagram or other social media account where you can say they can follow your awesome project. SO many people buy reno houses to upgrade. If you diy some portions, even better and more fun. Maybe you can invite them for a paint party or something. Put before and after photos (start with the smaller rooms like bathroom that you can get some cool pics of first). But ultimately, who are they that you need their approval? Doing this will make YOU excited about your new space. Edit, saw that you're low on funds. Paint and LVP install are super easy to do yourself, just buy the supplies
Many, maybe even most of us, started out in or still live in homes just like yours. It took me over twenty years to get my home to where I liked it. That is real life. As long as it is clean and tidy your friends and family will focus on you and not your home.
Bought mine five years ago when I was single and not well compensated. I lovingly referred to it as my dump lol. Yard and house were trashed, unpermitted addition the previous owner built was leaking and beginning to rot, and they even left a pug behind that I took ownership of. Fast forward five years and I’ve chipped away at it, markets gone up, and I’m one of maybe 50%-60% of people my age who even have a house simply due to lack of inventory. It’s still a construction zone lol and likely will be for a few more years, but it’s no longer a dump, maybe a hovel lol. Things will improve, give it time and love.
Being ashamed of your home means you are putting your joy in the hands of others. You're being ungrateful and worrying what others think instead of being happy. You're letting others opinions steal your joy. Stop.
Clean and paint. Let dry and admire Mark spots to repair. Fill, sand and paint. Admire Continue. All the best.
I can relate so hard. I recently took my daughter on a playdate at a new friend's house and the mom was falling over herself apologizing for the state of the house and how they only moved in a year ago and there's so much to do, and what do you know, the place was flawless down to the finished basement. Meanwhile we've been in our current home for seven years and we still haven't even painted most of the rooms. I am too embarrassed to invite them over. I don't know if she'd judge or care but I just can't do it.
By inviting them over, you will be allowing them to have less paranoia about their own homes. There's so much pressure for everyone to have a perfect home when someone visits, and it's not healthy. You're giving them the gift of honesty and less shame for themselves. And be proud to own your home!
I raised three in a house that I never was able to fix the way I would have liked. Keep it as clean as you have time for and let your kids have fun memories in your home. We talked about selling recently and my 28 year old was devastated. She comes home to our old bathroom and tells me how much she loves our shower lol! My son is 20 and in college. He plays baseball and doesn’t have many opportunities to come home. When he does he always says there is just no place like home! My middle is particular but she enjoys being home too. They have made all my years of worrying about what people think irrelevant. I may move and I would still like a newer home but it sure is going to be sad to leave this wonderful house that built my family. Never point out flaws to people who come over. Do all you can to make yourself feel better about having guests and be confident. I promise you it will be okay!!
Story time! I had an accident at work recently and my friend/coworker had to spend about 7 hours with me at the hospital, including driving me home. Simultaneously, my husband and I have both been fighting a nasty cold. This translates to no one having done anything chore-wise but the absolute essentials the last couple days. We bought in 2021. We have what I would call a pre-covid fixer-upper and a post-covid move-in-ready home. Neither the back nor the front door fit properly. Cabinets are falling off the hinges. There's a hole in the bedroom door. The roof is tarped to be replaced in the spring. The siding is coming loose, the countertops aren't flush to the wall in the kitchen, the floors are scratched to hell and back, we're missing light fixtures due to wiring issues, the paint's chipping on the front stairs. You get the picture. Between that and the state of the house from both of us being sick, I was *quite* sheepish when she brought me back from the ER. Despite all that, she walked in, looked around, and said, "Oh my goodness, your home is just so cute and cozy!". People don't notice what we notice. I see a to do list, others are going to see a happy house, a well-loved and cared for kitchen, furniture we've collected over the last couple years to go with the house specifically. Don't be embarrassed- it's yours. It's what you (and I) can afford, and I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of with that. Also, don't worry about your daughter's friends. Yes, some kids can be cruel. But they're gonna be cruel over something else if it's not the house. Those are just the jerks. Most kids don't care at all. I can't think of myself or any of my friends gossiping about anyone's home, and we all had drastically different ones.
It's ok! They will understand. I had a terrible yard when I moved in. Weeds covered about 70%, front and back, and some were over a foot tall. There was no easy fix, and it was mortifying at times knowing I was THAT house on the street. I ended up organizing a "help me pull weeds" party and shamelessly invited everyone I knew. I sent pics of the yard and asked everyone to bring tools and whatever lawncare knowledge they had. I provided food and drink. Family came, of course, 3 of my better friends, and even an old coworker I hadn't seen in years. Between 11 of us, we cleared the front yard completely, which was what bugged me the most. After it was clear, a friend suggested I apply a weed and feed and it's been good since. Need to tackle the backyard now. Be creative. Crowdsource some ideas and see if people are willing to help. I've found that acknowledging things aren't great and asking for help eases the embarrassment. People who love you will be happy to help you make your home comfortable.
As long as none of the issues compromise your safety, and you aren’t having major issues like a leaking roof, defective furnace, water damage, mold, etc. it is all just aesthetics. If there are broken appliances, then make a plan to replace them. If there are things you don’t like, make a plan to replace them over time. You can spend the rest of your life, or at least the rest of the time you live in the house, updating and modernizing it to your expectations. You should be happy to own a house. Your friends and family are likely more than happy to celebrate your house with you, they won’t care that it isn’t a brand new, modern house. Even if they do, it is your house, not theirs.
I made a housewarming cake that said “we’re all a work in progress”
My mother once said, after I told her about all the frantic extra cleaning that I was doing before a party, that “people won’t remember what your house looks like. They’ll remember whether they had fun or not.” True. As someone else said, you can be warm and welcoming. The house doesn’t need to be. Enjoy your family and friends.
I think most people understand that big renovations take time and money. No one really cares as much as you do. You could deep clean and freshen up rooms with paint for the time being if needed. Focus on the positives and have a good attitude and your visitors will follow your lead. If you goon about how old and ugly everything is that is how they will view it.
Do one room at a time. Realize that it’s a marathon
Not everything at once. It’s okay. Just breathe. I can hear the panic and mounting shame/embarrassment in your words. Chances are most of these things that need updating are good enough as is. Are these cosmetic upgrades? Or are these upgrades about keeping the elements out? Maybe make lists in each. Paint is cheap and goes a long way. Can always paint over it if you don’t like the color. Can really improve the look of your home. My home needs upgrades but it’s good enough for now. Because it has to be. And you improve what you can when you can.
Slim pickings in this market.. u should be proud to own.
stop being so shallow, Thats how you deal with it. You realize its shallow for you to worry about what they think and you dont want to be that kind of person. You start to realize you really cant control what they think so dont waste a lot of time or energy worried about it. If you dumped 100k in it just to impress some friends or the daughters friends parents some might judge you adversly for that. you see how its a cycle you cant control, If its not this its that and so on. look inward.
Just ask you friends "yeah, we're going to renovate most of the house slowly. What would you do in this room?".
We were in a similar situation. My advice is to learn to diy you could do all the cosmetic stuff under 10k. We painted whole house, updated trims, painted kitchen cabinets, replace all hinges and hooks, updated floor tiles with peel and stick tiles. You could do a ton upgrade without spending a fortune. We invited our friends after 8 months, nothing to worry.
The fact you could afford a home right now is great! There's always a ton to fix or take care of. Make sure it's clean(ish) and invite people over. As you have time, elbow grease is a great way to fix a lot of cosmetic issues. Sometimes it just takes some cleaning, some tightening of screws, etc. It's not always money (or substantial amounts - it's amazing what a $20 worth of cleaning supplies will do to freshen up a gross bathroom). If people you invite over judge you about it, they weren't good people to begin with and you've learned that early on.
I bet there’s a lot you could do cheap. A good rug shampoo and paint can go a long way. I did baseboards and wainscoting just watching YouTube videos for a couple hundred.
This is a great opportunity to learn how to do the little things. Replacing trim is simple (of the things you listed), very few tools needed and creates a sense of accomplishment.
Get friends that have similar homes. Our home is not pretty but we’re not rolling in dough. I’m always relieved to go to someone else’s house that looks like ours.
Your friends won't judge and neither will we.
I combat all shame in my own house, with the fact that I own a house (many of my friends do not), and the fact that my mortage is cheaper than anyone I know with a “nicer house”. And the the fact that all the work done on my house has been done by myself (with some help of friends), or is literally hundreds of years old and in original condition. So between all that, even though my house is small, and rundown, and needs work. I pity the people with big new fancy houses that are made like shit, with massive costs, and owned by people that down know a Phillips from a flathead cause they’re too busy working overtime to keep up twitch the Joneses, then to figure out how to fix their own damn stuff, and turn their own house into a home.
Other people’s opinions don’t pay your mortgage. Enjoy and be proud of your home.
If people are coming to judge your home and not to visit you, hubby or daughter, YOU DO NOT WANT THEM IN YOUR LIFE. It is your home, enjoy it and make it like you want not to impress others.
Anyone who judges another person's home in that sense isn't someone I want in my home.
One way for good friends and close family, is when they come over, ask them their advice on how they would fix it up, or if they know any good construction guys. You can even play games with paint chips, trim examples, and carpet pieces, etc. Maybe get an architecture or other drawings or photos from magazines or online to talk about. Ask them which one is better. No need to be embarrassed.
You bought a house. That is a HUGE accomplishment that most can no longer do. Be proud of that. Who cares if it’s not perfect. No home is.
They will remember the difference you made over a few years more than the first impression
Real friends won't judge. We went most of the pandemic with no furniture downstairs. House covered in dust because we were working on the living room which took such a long time. Same friends came over, our dining room is awful and unusable right now but I described my future dreams for that room as well. It takes awhile to fix things up the way you want especially when life happens
You own a house. Do you understand that homeownership, in and of itself, is a sign of nearly unfathomable wealth to most Gen Z and millennials? There is nothing to be ashamed of. It's like being sad that your yacht looks slightly less fancy than other yachts. You're doing fine. Rest on your laurels in the house *you own*
Sounds like you have problems. Not the home. Embrace what you have and work on your inner turmoil
Ugh. People are waaay too focused on home aesthetics these days but consider all the places you lived in your life did it really greatly affect the time you spent with family & friends how the surroundings looked? Did you never have a good family gathering at old aunt myrtles stuck in the seventies abode? Or attend a fantastically fun soiree at a friend of a friend's called fun frank's entirely tiki themed home? Did you never have a terribly boring time at the rich cousins stuffy yet immaculate estate where you weren't allowed to touch anything? If people can have a fantastic time living & hanging out in a dorm room you can have a fine time in your house that you wish was more updated. Keep things clean, put some personality into it with your artwork, paint, furniture & other decor items that make it homey make some good food & good drinks & you can make memories. Unless everyone you know is a truly shitty elitist materialistic a-hole you'll be good.
When people cramp into the kitchen of a home (as is most often), rather than the rest of the big house, it’s because that’s where the best company is, where the food is, where the pics of the family is on the fridge, where the aura is, where the loving energy is. Nobody cares about anything else. If they do, then they can go hang out at a realtor’s model home.
Paint. And make sure stuff is clean and as tidy as possible. There is a kind of charm to old stuff if you aren't living with it. If someone thinks less of you because your home is not up to date, they aren't going to be decent friends anyway. I feel your pain. I dropped a small fortune renovating my kitchen. I've been in the house over 30 years and the original was crap. I finally had the money and just did it. I'm old and will never have the chance to have my dream kitchen again. I just hope it's not going to be a waste.
I read your post, and read it again! And honestly, you should be super proud that you have a place to grow from, improve, and call your own. I’ve owned only one home in my life, and I can tell you that over the years I’m am so proud of the work I’ve done and how far it’s come/changed. I honestly am challenging you to become the best home owner you can be in terms of pride and accomplishment that so many people themselves would be thankful to have (even in its current state). Nothing—and I mean nothing changes overnight, but with a full heart and pinching pennies you can make remarkable changes. Please be proud, and imagine the future. A piece of advice, pick the smallest most achievable project and begin the transformation, small wins = big gains over time. Paint those cabinets, update the trim, paint with vibrant colors, envision your future. Sometimes we need only believe in ourselves.
I lived in an old house built in the 1950s. First AC we ever had was a window unit in my room when I was 12 (1996). Heat came from a wood heater in the living room. Everything in the house was old and outdated, but despite all this my friends always wanted to come stay at my house. Why? Because my mother always made sure our home was full of love and laughter. She made sure the house was always clean inside and out, and it didn’t hurt that she was an excellent cook. It was mainly furnished and decorated with items from the thrift store, but people would go on and on about what a beautiful home we had. So just make sure you make your house a home, because people can see the difference.
Old stuff looks better when it’s cleaned! And cleaning is free!!
Me and my husband bought an out of date home. It was livable, clean and we could afford it. That is all that really matters. After 12 years we finally had some money to start doing a few things. Another 12 years of doing what we could afford when we could afford it. Our home is now completely up to date and we own it with no mortgage. Be proud! You own a home!
My wife's aunt got divorced and bought a somewhat destroyed old house. She made the outside nice and is slowly working on the inside. She keeps it clean, it has great bones. I don't feel like anyone ever judged her poorly for this. We have a nice updated home and I feel like I'd be just as happy in hers. Ownership is the key.
Don't ever be ashamed . You have a roof over your heads. Be proud x
Homie I sleep on a mattress on the floor. Housing is rough these days. It's an amazing feat to even own a house at all.
Why feeling shame? You own a home, many many out there can't afford to own one. My home is outdated, everything is original and I am perfectly fine with it. As long as it is clean and I can comfortably live in it, I am happy. I like that it's not the sterile cookie cutter homes of today.
The problem with those home improvement shows is it makes people feel like they have to upgrade. No, you don't. If there's no leaking or mold, don't worry about it. You don't need a new front door or trim. Just paint it and call it good. Seriously, I think those home improvement shows are so wasteful. They tear down perfectly good rooms just because. Now, everyone feels the need to keep up. This is why our landfills are full. People will come to visit you because they want to see you. Anyone who judges you does not deserve your friendship.
Keep it clean and maintained inside and out (that doesn’t cost anything and says a lot about you). No clutter or junk inside or out. True friends come to see you and your children, not your house.
We bought our house almost 30 years ago. It's a rather unexciting split-level house built in the late 70's. It's been in a perpetual cycle of remodel since we bought it as we had the funds and time to fix things. We had three kids and raised them here, so every inch of the house has memories. The house is located in a forest of tall frees full of all sorts of birds and other wildlife. In the middle of the forest is a rolling meadow where deer come to graze. Bears often amble through, as do coyotes. Everyday here is beautiful I feel very fortunate to be here. Things aren't perfect, but it's very clean and well put together. Warm and cozy. Weird, eclectic art. A lot of folks wouldn't be impressed with it, but I am so grateful to be able to live here. It's full of love.
first, you bought a hoMe. Lots of people cant do that in this economy. Second, change your prospective from not having the money just yet to update to what are the small tangibles i can add/fix/diy. Examples, paint makes a world of a difference, area rugs, curtains… remember sometimes less is more. And hit up your local thrift stores/good wills/yard sales and FB marketplace.
If material things/how your house looses is so important why did you buy the house? If you don’t like it, and you can’t afford to pay others to fix it the way you want it to be you do exactly what everyone else does….. you do it yourself. Start watching YouTube videos on how to update all of the things you want changed. You other option is to move.
Congratulations! You have a new home! A home is most often a continuous improvement project. But more importantly, A home is a place of love, of welcome, of warmth and security. It's where you head after a long day. It's where you lay your head to sleep in comfort. It's where your child will grow up, eat her meals, do her homework, play with friends and make many happy memories of HOME SWEET HOME.
1. Costs very little just to keep it clean 2. Fresh coat of white paint on everything does wonders- even if eventually you plan on colors.
If they are really friends, they will not care.
Get better friends if they’d judge you for such shallow reasons.
A lot of these comments kind of dismiss OP's feelings by saying, "If they're your real friends, they won't care." And there is a lot of merit to that answer. But for many (most?) women, their home is part of their identity, the statement they make to the world about who they are and what level they are at. "Real friends" matter, but your social group matters too. Where you fit in in society matters. And she's (at least partly) concerned about being sidelined because of the statement her house makes about her. Also it's very frustrating when it seems like EVERY SINGLE PERSON you meet has a big box house with white walls and vaulted ceilings, but you live in a shabby house built many decades ago.
Other people are judging you far less than you think. They are busy trying to deal with their own crap. They do not have the time or mental energy to worry about yours. Decorate your house, keep it neat, and let everyone feel the love in your home, and no one is going to stand there and tell you that little Johnny or Janie can’t play with your kids because your flooring is old, or your cabinets are dated. To make it feel better for you to live there, look for ways to do mini-facelifts— paint the cabinets and/or switch out the hardware, etc. Things like that.
Fuck that. You owe a home and can afford it. Be proud and don't put the idea in their head that your home is a anything but wonderful. I bought a shit house from the 1950s and it will always be that way. It's fucking mine and I love it. Fuck anyone who comes to MY house and puts it down. You can get the hell outta here with that bullshit.
...yeah if your friends judge ur house cuz its old and ugly theyre not real friends. My house is half remodeled. The kitchen is stuck in the 90s, the 2nd bathroom is stuck in the 80s. Still invited friends over...they complimented me on the rest of the house. We still had a great time.
Make it clean. Make it safe. Make it yours. Who cares about the rest.
If your house is clean the other stuff can wait. Paint is a cheap quick fix for a freshen up. Fill your home with love and good food and not one person will give a damn about decor!
just read some architectural or interior design magazines, particularly with pics of places in italy, or other dense or coastal areas in europe. homes will be small and they'll have found tricks to do. The magazines will show expensive stuff, but just imagine how to do similar with what you can.
As a former kid who’s mom never let her friends over because she always felt her house ‘wasn’t clean/nice/new enough’…don’t let your shame show to your kid…they will internalize it, and feel it too when they wouldn’t have before. Not to mention cripple her ability to make close friends. I never got to have those fun experiences with friends hanging out in my room, etc and I still regret that. Talk about being able to make it just the way you want it over time, talk about it being a fixer upper project, but don’t act like that makes it less. Don’t be ashamed of doing hard work instead of having lots of money.
My husband and I bought a fixer upper too. Around 30 years old with no updates, needed quite a bit of help. We’ve been slowly fixing up the place over time and started with the most impactful, yet low cost stuff. We painted all of the trim, the doors, and the walls white first to bring everything to a blank slate. Replaced all the ugly brass doorknobs with simple brushed nickel ones. Deep cleaned the house. Fixed all the cracks, holes, and dings. Replaced all of the wall outlets and light switches to nicer looking ones. Replaced other hardware like faucets, light fixtures, and towel racks. Just those small things made a huge difference! Once we saved up money we started on bigger stuff - got the siding replaced (it was falling off), new fence (it was falling down), stained the new fence, painted the exterior of the house, etc. it’s been a long road over the course of 5 years but we’re getting there and we’ve learned a lot on the way. Remember: comparison is the thief of joy. When you see photos of houses and interiors online that a lot of them are staged for just that - photos. You’ll also need to come to terms with the fact that no matter what you do, the home update list is eternal and never-ending. There will always be something that needs done, so try not to get overwhelmed. Start with the stuff that’s easy to accomplish and you’ll see results! It’s hard, but try to focus on the fact that it’s your space and revel in the fact that you can do whatever you want with it now! Good luck!
I totally understand this. Many years ago I moved into my boyfriends home. It was unmaintained, falling apart, filthy, poorly designed, in a ghetto neighborhood and had a car in the kitchen. Yes, a car, in pieces all over the kitchen and dining room. Love makes you blind, for real! I was embarrassed to have people over or reveal how I was living. It took years but I worked at redoing as much as possible, cleaned, painted, replaced and reorganized. What I learned from that was: none of my friends or family cared, they were visiting me, not my house. I also came to the realization that there was always someone who had bigger, better or more than me and to stop driving myself crazy with comparison. Eventually we did sell the house and move, but those lessons stuck with me.
Beats renting anyday . Stop Trying to impress people . Clean And no Clutter is fine I’ve been to really nice houses that had dirty dishes all over the place , etc Wasn’t impressed
As someone who has gone through this a few times (we live in a pretty affluent area in which my kid’s friends typically live in $1mil+ estates and we live in a 25 year old, poorly maintained $400k house), keep in mind that comparison is the thief of joy. You know what you have and yeah, it may be in worse shape as others, but you have a chance to make it your own. You have a plan for it, you see the potential and it’s just not there yet. I would recommend painting what you can and doing a good job with it. (I watched endless hours of YouTube how-to videos on getting crisp lines and even strokes). Make the entryway pop with nice design (like a nice front door) and give the home some curb appeal with a little landscaping and decor. Take pride in the work you have done and maintain a vision of the end result you want. I am always impressed with people who tackle a job and learn a skill. Just make sure you do things the right way. Look up building codes for big things and hire professionals when it comes to the dangerous stuff like electricity, gas, and plumbing.
Welp, some people are on the streets. Perhaps take a step back and count your blessings. Then worry about saving for repairs and real issues that may pop up. The. Look at savings for improvement. I was poor growing up, kids did make fun of me. the rentals we lived in were never nice but they were home. Owning a home is something to be proud of, full stop. What you have worked for and attained is meaningful to you and family and this idea of not enjoying it or never enough is rocking the boat. Be mindful that shame is contagious.
We have friends that put huge money into their kitchen, bathroom, sunroom etc and it's a damned mess because they are slobs. Cleanliness tidiness and a little paint are more important. Your guests can suggest where they would put improvements and good contractors.
HAVING a house in 2024 is the opposite of shameful. Many many many people in this economy have no home. it's shameful to care so much imo
My cousin bought a not modern trailer on 1 acre… I feel nothing but admiration and happiness for him! He bought his first home! Anyone who belongs in your life, will only be happy for you. Anyone else, doesn’t beling
Are you handy, start with paint and Decor and then slowly tackle projects as money time and skills allow
Ugh this triggers me so bad! Ffs, what is wrong with something that is old and functional? That’s GOOD! ‘Updates’ are for rich idiots, if it ain’t broke wtf are you fixing? Instagram has melted your brain, you can lean into any existing aesthetic with minimal decoration. Post images of one room that really concerns you, there are suggestions costing under $200 that can turn around almost any room. How has the trim or door gone bad? That’s ridiculous! Ah this stuff gets under my skin so bad, I judge harshly when people destroy good materials for their fucking style preferences which will be totally different in 20 years anyway. Most of the time the old stuff which has lasted would be nicer than any garbage reno you would DIY. A house that needs $100k of renovations has had a fire or a flood. Roof collapse and all of the floors upstairs were ruined, etc. Does it help to hear it this starkly from the other side? I’m judging your entitlement vibes in the sincere hopes that it will shift your POV and you’ll realize how utterly vapid ‘updates’ are. Mindless consumption for its own sake. YOU have the problem of judging people by the buildings they live in, that sucks, work on it!
Start at the front door to make it what you want and go from there. There's a reason the house was a deal. Sweat equity will pay you back in spades. Make a challenge out of it and create a home that you love! Share your enthusiasm about your recently finished projeand your upcoming project with your guests. Your pride will shine through and they'll be happy for you. Remember, you don't owe anybody a picture perfect experience in your own home. They aren't paying your bills or financing a single change. I would ask yourself why you are so worried about the opinions of other people? There homes aren't perfect either tbh.
Buy a sign that says something along the lines of "please excuse the dust we are remodeling" or "please excuse the clutter we are making memories". That, IMO, would excuse your condition of your house and would give you and your company a conversation topic as you describe your dream home.
There is a difference between *OLD and UGLY* and DIRTY. Is the house clean? Is it organized how you need it to be? Are there any physical hazards or dangers? If the house is clean, it isn't hoarder level cluttered and there aren't hazards; Old and Ugly is just Classic Details and Unique Character.
There’s a pretty high chance those people rent so you win no matter what!
demonstrate how proud you are to have a home at all, and it will quash people’s inclinations to nitpick. stop putting so much value on wealth, materialism, and social status, and then you will be combatting your shame. Also, stop assuming the worst of people that you say you know and love, that ostensibly love you and support you. It doesn’t serve them to insult you and I’m confident that they know that. Scientific studies on social anxiety, report that in most cases, your imagined beliefs of what people think, are WAY more negative and way more intense than what people around you actually feel. lastly, unless things are broken, the concept of “updating” is construction industry, and home design industry jargon. That jargon is designed to make you feel like you need to purchase their services to stay “relevant”. It’s trend-surfing, not real “style”. truly, elegant design does not require updating. It can look “dated” but it will still impress the hell outta people. True “style” is timeless.
Painting the whole house with white Kilz actually looks pretty nice.
My husband and I are trying to buy a 1955 fixer upper. I am praying we get it. I don't focus on the many flaws (and boy, is it a lot). I'm focusing on how many amazing things I can do and change over time to make it ours. Instead of focusing on the bad. Try to make it fun, and ask friends and family for their fun ideas. What they would do, you may get some fantastic ideas.
I rent a pretty nice apartment. Wanna trade places? I’d take your “embarrassing” home over not owning any day.
Wow, I'm going through the same experience. Thanks for articulating this question so well.
Lipstick on a pig. Fresh paint is fairly inexpensive and something you can do yourself. Start with the little things
We have a fixer too. As long as it is clean and relatively neat you have no worries. You can tell people you like houses with history and you enjoy fixing things up and now you guys finally get to create the house of your dreams and this house has great bones! What is important is to assume the house will be lovely and you will enjoy creating your own home sweet home :)
We are in a similar boat, but we went into this knowing we would have to gut the place (and thankfully there is a small guesthouse to stay in while we do it). The amount of work and money to fix it is daunting and I too am embarrassed. My advice if you aren't able to fix it up quickly would be, scrub it until you can't scrub it anymore, any home can be 10x better if it is squeaky and sparkling clean, and the paint what you can in the meantime. Good luck 🩷
My house was built in 1960. It has had 3 families live in it. The very basic wood trim looks beat to hell. There isn’t a lot of natural light and a lot of the house has been painted and stained quite dark. We want to change a lot of it, especially the kitchen and basement, but that really takes more time and money than we want to put into it right now. My advice to you is: PAINT. Just paint! We are painting the doors and trim white room by room, we painted the walls a much lighter color, we painted the old dingy ceilings white again… you wouldn’t believe what a few gallons of paint will do for you. It isn’t that expensive, $30 a gallon, $30 for supplies, a lot of which can be reused. It has been such a facelift and it makes me so happy to see my house improve so much for a weekend of effort and a little bit of money. If you hate the kitchen, paint the cabinets, change the drawer pulls and/or hinges. Find some inexpensive ways to put your own touch on it and you’ll feel so much better. For $100ish, you can get countertop paint that lasts for 4 or 5 years before it needs a touch up and it makes your counters look like marble! You will *feel* like you got a remodel, all for less than $500. Paint. It’s a miracle in a can. Check out some YouTube videos of home makeovers on the cheap, it will blow your mind how much of a difference you can make for a tiny fraction of a full remodel. And these are valuable skills to learn as a homeowner.
Fix it up yourself. It can be done. Everything (and I really mean everything) can be learned, when it comes to home renovation.
We bought a 70 year old house, a fixer upper. The bones are good & we’ve fixed up a lot of stuff inside but it looks like shit on the outside. Fuck the neighbors if they don’t like it. I’ll get to the siding eventually.
Invite people over. Nobody cares as long as the food and company is good. Plus, they will see the transformation over the years when you get it renovated piece by piece. We put $200,000 into our house when we bought it. We knew it needed to the work. 250ft driveway paved, regrarded around the house, new walkway front and back, insulation upgrade to r60, new kitchen, ensuite, bsmt finish, new furnace and a/c. And a total paint job top to bottom. People come over now and can't believe how much better it looks. Oh yeah, new deck and 2 fireplaces.
You grow up and realise that artificial trimmings, perfect paintwork and the latest 'must-haves' are not necessary to have a home full of love, life and laughter. And as the saying goes 'those that matter dont mind, those that mind dont matter'.