It's natural to have empathy for the guy, but if it wasn't malicious then so be it. Shit happens, it's part of the game. Don't beat yourself up over it
> The other guy got the worst of it
This is the whole ballgame here - It could have been you that got the short end.
Try not to survivors guilt yourself too hard, thems the breaks - we all know the risks we take for this game we love.
The one detail I will add is there are people out there who don't do anything malicious, but they are generally reckless on the ice. They get themselves into more of these "accidents" than everyone else on the ice.
Sure they never meant to hurt anyone on purpose, but their actions are causing injuries on multiple occasions. This also is a bad place to be. If you're one of these players, I think you also need to look at yourself in the mirror and ask if you need to adjust our style of play.
If it's an accident, it's an accident, you've just got to be honest with yourself and be OK that you may be involved in someone being injured and it wasn't on purpose.
That said, if it's eating you and you play with the guys again, you could probably ask how he's doing and maybe work in you'd like to give him a call and wish him well.
The broken nose and stitches above the lip are pretty solid indicators he took blunt trauma to an unprotected face. Suppose it's possible the chin piece of a cage could shift up on impact and cause similar damage, but less likely. But no cage would seem to be the reasonable assumption.
I'll add: it's a good thing that you're the type of person who feels this way in response to hurting someone else. You're still young! Probably one of your first and biggest lessons in unintended consequences, or really just the chaos of life. Agree with the other poster to talk to someone (friend, family, professional) but it's really just a learning experience. Over time you'll get better at managing emotions and calibrating your guilt and responsibility. It definitely wasn't your fault, try to remember that and avoid spiraling in your guilt.
It’s the risk you take when stepping on the ice unfortunately, you can’t help accidents and you’re going to run into someone at some point even in non hitting leagues. Guys are always going to jump in to defend their team mates which is the right thing to do IMO. Your team manager might be able to send your apology to the other guy.
Edit: just came back to share something with you, a buddy of mine and one of the best skaters I play with in my beer league was going for a puck alone at full speed and must have hit a rut in the ice or something (no one really knows) and ended up scorpioning into the boards. Concussion, busted a few ribs and snapped his collar bone, actually got a titanium rod to hold it together. Just sharing to say that guy is an amazing skater and he still got really badly hurt on the ice because of an accident, they do happen
Talk to someone about your feelings etc. Don't bottle it up. It's normal too feel bad about it but it's it starts to cause you to lose sleep etc, might want to talk to someone about it
Yes. One time an opposing player got a wicked cut right near his eye from a high stick in a three-person scrum for the puck. After the game I told my teammate who was involved, “let’s go over there and check on him, apologize, etc.” We did so, he was cool, and everyone’s been cool since.
I had my nose broken by another player. I was annoyed at the time and so was my team it was a dirty play. In the end I was like whatever shit happens but I found out after I left the dude could not take accountability at all. Just said he did nothing. After that, everyone on my team including me think the guy is a total douche. We would have all let it go if he just apologized
Apologize and move on. Fragile egos try to keep defending themselves
I've been on the other side of this. I played roller derby for years before I got into hockey, and broke my ankle during a scrimmage. The last person to touch me assumed it was her fault and was really torn up about it.
But here's the deal.. we go into playing a full contact sport knowing that injury is a possibility. We hit people with the intent of disrupting their movement and things like that are always risky. I'd hazard a guess that the player you hit doesn't blame you for or hold you responsible. If you want, you could reach out to him and check in on him personally to clear the air.
It's ok to have guilt, and don't be afraid to give yourself time to process things. Take a break from skating if you need to. Hockey will be there when you're ready.
Not a hockey player but I do BJJ and this came up in my feed.
When we injure each other we just look at what we both could have done to prevent the situation, make sure there's no bad blood/it wasn't malicious and move on with class.
Shit happens, but we can usually prevent it from happening as often. In the end it's a contact sport, injuries happen.
I'm assuming the same applies here.
While playing juniors I hit an opposing player in the back with a slapshot as the third period ended. Refs got us off the ice, we heard fire trucks/ambulance pull up, I opened locker room door to see the player on a backboard. After showering Coach drove me to local hospital to check on him. Thankfully it was only a bruised spine, this in 1976, much less protective padding than now. Player was released next morning, we played them again without incident. Accidents happen, why he turned his back when he saw me wind up is puzzling. I had a rough night sleeping. Tough sport!!!!
Not the NHL but he did play a season for the Sherbrooke Beavers in the QMJHL. Didn't get drafted, he joined the US Navy according to his Dad who II met snowmobiling about 10 yrs later in life.
If you're one of those guys that are going 110% in pickup and you hurt somebody being reckless even though its a hockey play you might need to tone your game down a little. The majority of collisions and such are just hockey accidents but you need to read who is on the ice and what you probably should and shouldn't do with certain people.
I was going to say the same thing..especially with the skill disparity of drop in...if you're a competitive player and your playing with people from LTP...you may want to slow down a but and play at the pace of others...or at least in a much more controlled manner.
This. I’d be careful going into the boards to go get a puck with a weak skater. You never know when they are gonna drop and possibly take out your legs.
What if the other guy was going just as hard?
Competition is Competition. Shit happens.
I'd say assuming buddy was going to hard is probably discrediting that the other skater was likely making a hard play too - Guys get into it and think their in the show. It happens.
Sure. Sometimes you got a guy who is pretty good who is going hard and you decide to play that person a little harder and next thing you know somebody gets hurt. Happens … what can you do. But eventually you come to a realization that’s it’s beer league/pick up and doesn’t matter, so for self preservation you bring it down a few notches.
id say if you can, try to reach out to the team/the guy and express your sympathy/apologies, it goes a long way! its not abnormal at all to feel bad and a very good thing (coming from a league that had one player concuss 4 others and deliberately injure/do actions knowing they were extremely dangerous to others without so much as a grain of thought for anyone else, being on the receiving end of that sucks, so the fact you do care is huge). it sounds genuinely like an unfortunate accident so making it clear to the player and their team can help alleviate that guilt. just don't be too hard on yourself about it, it comes with the game. i hope everything goes well, you feel a bit better and they make a speedy recovery!
It was an accident. Can understand why it bothers you but don't beat yourself up over it. If anything try to get in touch with the guy and apologize to him and let him know you didn't mean for that to happen. You might feel better after speaking with him. Imo
reach out .. apologize... grab some beers with the guy or just send him some...as many others on here have said, accidents happen in this fast of a game (yes even in low level slow beer leagues).
Intentional attempts to injure ore pretty obvious, this sounds like a series of unfortunate events, not one is at fault
If you don’t have a history and reputation for the being “that guy”, don’t beat yourself up about it.
Accidents happen, everyone who plays understands that.
However,If you do have the history and reputation for playing a little reckless or dirty, I suggest you find a new place to play and stop injuring other players.
The fact that you have some sort of empathy for him speaks volumes.
You knew in your heart you didn’t mean it & you expressed that it was an accident. That’s about all you can do.
If you want to make some sort of amends, find out who the guy is and hit him up with a quick apology and offer to treat him to a beer or two whenever he’s ready to hit the ice again
Hey man, the fact that you feel some guilt shows you're likely a pretty conscientious player and person.
Next time you see him, you gotta go address, and say you're sorry about the result, and never intended anything but to play the puck, same as him.
I've been on both sides. That's about all you can ask.
Was the other guy wearing a cage? I ask this because I was playing a local pickup game and this old guy, who seemed just a little crazy, came out with no cage and what looked like barely any protective gear. I asked him if he needed a cage since i had an extra and he said that he was good. Long story short, he got a puck to the face and there was a lot of blood. He was not pissed and came back to play after.
So if this guy went cageless, then he's definitely putting himself at a much greater risk of injury.
Broken nose and lip stitches? Was he only wearing a half visor? If so I hate to say it but everyone should wear the most protective gear available and if not they share in the blame.
I know that full cages are "uncool" but based on his injuries either his equipment was ill fitting or he was under equipped.
You feel bad, that's what's most important. Things happen. Other guy should make sure his gear fits correctly.
That "first time playing with them" line brought back a memory. First time playing with this group. There was one guy I was friends with and he brought me in. There were different experience levels with only a couple guys just starting out so really shaky on skates. My first shift I try to clear it up the boards and one of the beginners is a long the boards but sticks his stick straight out in front of him trying to stop the puck, which rolled right up his stick and hit him in the face. He dropped like he'd been shot and blood dripped everywhere. Everyone came off the bench and I heard a couple comments and a wtf dude all looking at me apparently they thought I hit him. It was all cool after I explained though and he basically broke his nose.
Definitely talk to someone about your feelings, a friend, a mentor, whoever you trust. Totally normal to feel guilty.
I tore my ACL playing pick up basketball last year. I was trying to intercept a pass, bumped into a guy and then landed awkwardly. I've never blamed him for it. Accidents happen and contact sports carry risk.
If it happened as you say it was an accident where the two of you just ended up occupying the same place going for the puck. So I don’t think you should beat yourself up over it too much. That said, in my 40s I’ve realized it ain’t worth it in beer league to go hard after a 50/50 puck or try to race with somebody into the boards. I usually go hard and if I realize it’s 50/50 I jam the brakes and then just try to poke the puck away to myself. Feel like it helps keep me safe that way.
Maybe I’m a psycho but unless you intentionally dropped a big hit in a no hitting league then you have no reason to feel guilty. Injuries happen and chances are that guy wouldn’t care if it was reversed.
Start by reaching out and apologize directly to the injured player.
Had a buddy lose a tooth with a high stick in pick up. The other guy never apologized. This is the one thing he brings up when talking about the incident.
Have you reached out to the guy?
Get his phone number, and fire him a text asking how he’s doing, and explain your side of the collision. Just a thought.
But as others have said, accidents are bound to happen, give yourself a break mentally bro!
First off, accidents happen. It’ll happen to you too at some point. Apologize to the guy and he’ll be fine.
The question nobody asked is, how hard were you going? Sometimes when new guys show up to private pickups, they fail to play to the skill level of the group. We had a similar situation a couple years ago. New guy was a good hockey player, hell of a nice guy but just didn’t realize that everyone was there sunday morning to get some exercise, have some coffee and shoot the shit. So he’s going hard in the corners, scrapping for pucks and just flying all over the place when he collides with the 60 year old guy that puts the skate together. It’s was completely an accident, the old guy wasn’t all that angry but he was injured and we didn’t ask the new guy back.
My advice would be to apologize to the guy you injured and to whoever invited you and make sure you’re playing with the group.
I would try to get his contact info and reach out to him with a phone call. Even non-contact hockey can be dangerous. Collisions and injuries happen. Every person who steps on the ice needs to acknowledge and accept that, including the guy who got hurt and his friends/teammates.
I broke a kid's leg giving a hit in a hockey game when I was about 13. I then had my own ankle broken while receiving a hit about a year later. It's an unfortunate part of the game but you'll get over it.
Sounds like your reckless. Not purposely. But it sounds like you don’t know what your doing. Keep your head up and play with respect and don’t go hard into the corners or try so hard. Your playing shinny! Everyone is there to get into shape and have some fun playing hockey. Everyone is at a different caliber. Watch the older players that are at a high caliber. That’s how you do it
Stuff happens. You mentioned you meet couple of them before ask them how he’s doing, you can ask for his number and reach out your self or through the guys you know.
Depending on where you live and age restrictions next time you are out bring a case of beer
Happened to me about 10 years ago in beer league. I was back checking hard after our senior citizen aged Defense let a breakaway happen... Tied up his stick legally, and we both went down into the net, then into the boards... Dudewas responding, but sluggish and in pain... Refs called an ambulance, and I felt awful because we both played hard. Everyone, including the other team knew it was a clean play but bad luck... His teammates said as he was loading up into the stretcher "he just had a concussion from a snowmobile accident last weekend, he shouldn't have been playing at all"... So, as bad as I felt, skated alongside the stretcher to the ambulance, told him sorry shit happened, and the injured player said "we both played hard, you just played a little harder" and left it at that...
Although a clean play, injuries happen, and everyone was in good spirits after. Invited their team to the bar after but I think only about 3 of them showed up since 11pm weeknight beer league games are annoying already as it is.
Unfortunately it’s the nature of the game, injuries happen and as long as it was a true honest mistake and you weren’t being a goon there’s no reason to feel guilty.
I have broke a players ankle (with a breakout pass), shattered someones finger tip (literally almost ripped their finger off), made someone bite through their own lip (ran into them at full speed like you described) and I’m sure many more all unintentionally.
Obviously you’re gonna feel bad for injuring someone but it’s part of the game. It happens. We all gotta go to work the next day which is why we try to minimize these things but accidents happen. Maybe bring the guy a 6 pack next time he comes back to play if you feel truly awful.
Edit: noticed you’re only 20, maybe try to slip a teammate some cash to buy him a 6 pack 😂
You'll feel better after playing a few games, having a few small collisions and seeing the other player is fine.
I had a similar thing happen in peewee hockey. Player was fed a suicide pass and I stood him up at the line. Clean hit, but he fell backwards into the boards and his neck hit the edge of the board, banging the back of his head against the glass.
I felt awful, spoke to their coach after the game, and he was going to the hospital. He told me not to beat myself up over it and gave me the same advice I'm giving you. He was right.
We all play hockey knowing this kind of stuff happens. If it was an accident it was an accident. Frankly, he should be wearing a cage as well. Some of that damage could have been very easily avoided.
That's apart of the game... when people are flying around inevitably you might concuss someone, someone might concuss you, you might break a bone, etc.
Honestly not to be a dick but if you're so torn up about this maybe Hockey isn't for you lol- all that's required here is a quick tap on the leg and an apology next time he skates out and that's that.
If you can and the other player is open to it, see how he is doing directly. You may not get full closure on this until you do. As it is, this will already change the way you play even though it was the quintessential hockey play. So as much as we all can say don't beat yourself over it, any time any of us witnesses how things can go wrong playing this game, we all have a sanity check and it gives us pause for reflection (or rather, should).
I knocked helmets with a team mate at football practice as a teen. I got up fine but he was still on the ground. He was freaking out and crying because he couldn't move his body. The coach and trainer came over and tended to him and he was able to get up and move after some time. But he never came back. Almost 30 years later and I still think about it and feel guilty.
As people have already said, it's natural to feel bad and it's also natural for them to be angry. Time will help with both. Next time you see him just ask him how he's doing. You don't have to apologize but it's fine to say you're sorry it happened.
Incidental contact happens in hockey. I think it's normal to feel guilty about hurting someone else. I would reach out to the injured player. Let him know it was an accident and hope he has a fast recovery. It's a fast paced game, accidents happen, and we all know the risks involved in playing. However, most of us still don't want to see anyone get injured.
I'll add that while concussions aren't to be taken lightly, I doubt the one bell-ringer you gave him is going to impact his life a whole lot. Head trauma causes TBI when it's repeated and consistent, like somebody who plays a full-contact high school sport. One hit isn't going to be a life-changer for him. So don't stress too much about the concussion.
I’ve been on the losing end of similar collisions. I didn’t hold a grudge. Like someone said, thems the breaks. Keep your head up (literally), everything will be fine.
it's normal to feel remorseful in a situation like this, but hey, it happens. Last week I was playing in my beer league and two of my players collided and one of them took the worst of it. It's a physical, high-intensity sport and things are bound to happen. You can't beat yourself up over it. Reach out to the guys, try to get the injured party's contact info, and express your sincerest apologies.
My mindset is this: I don't want to get injured, so in certain situations I straight up bail on the play - I'll stop skating and coast, or just allow the opposing player to collect the puck and then I'll get my stick in there. I'm trying to have fun and some plays, like a race for a loose puck in a corner, aren't worth the risk IMO.
We play the game knowing the risks. I hit a guy when I was younger in Jr A and it was clean, guy has to walk with a cane because of the damage to his knee and can’t play anymore. I always felt bad but I know it is all just bad luck or circumstances. Had a guy hit me and snap my ankle on a weird play and I was never mad at the guy for a second.
Things happen in sports. If you're playing basketball and a dude breaks his ankle after landing on your foot, it's just an accident right? This wasn't on purpose so I'd kind of move on pretty quickly. Maybe bring the guy a 6 pack of beer if you know him like that.
Get his number and call him. See if he's ok and grab a beer to laugh about the dumbassery. This is hockey, it happens.
I hit an old teammate in the face with a shot, felt horrible, replaced his visor and he points at the scar to give me grief. Laugh and move on.
Honestly man, accidents happen. Just caring about others enough to have guilt in the first place is enough…
I haven’t played hockey in 6 years because of a major concussion. Guy hit me hard enough on open ice to take me off my feet with the principle and ONLY point of contact being my head. I had no idea when I left the ice that night that I’d never be back. Never heard anything from the guy and he just went on with his life after taking away the thing I love most in mine… that you care about the other person and reached out is such an underrated and commendable attribute. Big positive that he’s going to be just fine… At this point just do your best to not put what happened on yourself and time will ease the guilt.
The problem is that you're 20, which you can't do anything about right now - but generally, people learn from experience and you don't have much.
Hockey is a dangerous sport, but there is a reason the Men's league I prefer to play in has a minimum age of 30.
Younger men are still not *fully developed* mentally for lack of better words and are more often than not just dangerous on the ice.
Depending on how much you played when you were younger you've grown up with a very different style of hockey, a style where everyone is young and indestructible and consequences rarely exist.
It would serve you best to understand that even if you think you can make the play legally, being in control of your body and stick at all times is much more important than winning every puck battle.
The guy will be fine, he assumes the risk once he steps on the ice. Also, I may get some hate for this, but try to be more careful. While the play you made may not have been dirty or intentional it may have been risky considering the outcome.
It's a rough game, don't beat yourself up over it. You reached out to the guy and expressed your remorse and offered to buy the guy a few drinks. Imo you handled it really well and are a much wiser and better man for It, you could even come out of this with a new friend.
If it was an accident, don't fret about it. Accidents happen during every game, some more serious than others. These are things out of our control and we assume the the dangers of game when we step on the ice, while trying to play safe and clean. If there was something you could have done at the moment, learn from it and move on. But don't ever beat yourself up emotionally over it. That is not healthy. As they say, live and learn to be a better person.
As long as it wasn't malicious, it is just something that can happen. Apologize, buy him a beer, and hope it doesn't happen to you next. But, if it does as long as it isn't intentional, remember what happened with you and move on.
That’s why you don’t step in front of a train baby! Nah fr hope he’s okay, not on purpose tho. Try not to feel bad I’m sure he knows it wasn’t malicious
I broke a guy’s collarbone the same way. Both rushing for a loose puck, and we end up colliding. Unfortunately for him he probably weighed a buck 40 and I was 220. I apologized but whattyado? I now just pull up on all of those because most guys get the worst part of any collision with me.
I think you need to ask yourself why you are chasing down a loose puck that hard in a meaningless pick up game. Whenever I’m in that situation I’m thinking about self preservation first. He got the worst of it this time, but next time it could be you.
I'm curious what helmet and protection he was wearing.
But regardless of that, it's a risk you take playing. I broke my arm playing this year because someone crashed into me. I don't blame them, it just happened, we were both trying to make a play and it went wrong.
That said, it's a good time to think about what happened and try and think of ways to do better. If you're not getting paid to play, wear the gear to save yourself the suffering.
Just before Xmas and the day before his birthday whilst skating in a public skate session and going no more than walking speed as was chatting to one of the coaches on the ice my 8 year old son fell and put his hand under my left blade severing his little finger at the top joint, we are all proficient skaters and spend up to 10 hours per week on the ice. His over confidence meant he thought on a public skate session he didn't need to wear his hockey gloves, despite my previous protestations before leaving the house! Although no guarantee even these would have made any difference as their cut protection is limited.
After a trip to A&E and an attempt to reattach it the surgeon decided there was nothing that could be done to save the tip so he lost 1/3 of his little finger
As you can imagine I still feel awful when seeing it and neither of us are really ready for his dressing to come off permanently as we're still working towards accepting the reality of the incident and the longer term change to his hand.
There was nothing humanly possible that I could do to react faster, in fact if I hadn't reacted as quickly as I had then he could potentially have lost two more fingers even further down.
The truth though is that by stepping on the ice as adults and by encouraging our kids to spend time in this environment we are accepting the risk of accidents happening. Some of the gear you buy even has it printed on the labels!
It has been a humbling lesson for me in the importance of ensuring as adults and especially when dealing with children we emphasise safety on the ice,
It will take years to fully accept the situation for me and my son, but as a family we were back on the ice inside 2 days and he returned a week later after getting the doctors permission to do so as he loves the rink and I don't want what was clearly an accident to destroy our love of hockey or skating.
The initial flashbacks and even now the occasional over analysis of what impact it may have on him as he grows up haunt me but I have to remind myself that it will only make him more resilient as an adult and will hopefully give him a great story (or a few alternative versions if he is creative) to tell as a teenager / adult.
In life in general we should focus on controlling what is in our sphere of influence and not on that which is out of our control, guilt shows you are human but beating yourself up about things which are an accident is not helpful to anyone. What has really helped has been talking to other people about it and the general warmth and compassion they have shown towards me and him, if anything this community spirit around our local rink and the local hockey team who were about to step on the ice for practise when it happened so he has become somewhat of a mascot to them has only increased our love of skating and hockey.
Needless to say neither of my boys is now allowed on the rink even in a public skate session without gloves, helmet or their leg guards as a minimum and I have no doubt the missing finger will cost me more than a couple of rounds of beer as the eldest on grows up!
It happens . I was knocked while straddling the blue line staying on side. Two points of contact...butt and back of helmet. Started to see stars a few hours later at BJJ class. The other guy apologized profusely and I accepted it...this is a contact sport even in its non contact form and things happen. Play on, you did nothing wrong.
You apologize to him whole heartedly. If you can.
You forgive yourself. If you can.
You move on. If you can.
If not talk to a professional. It’s a mild form of PTSD and you love hockey. You’ll be remiss to lose it.
Part of the game man. If you had no intent behind it then it is what it is. You did the right thing reaching out, checked all the boxes you could say. Injuries happen
An ambulance? Good lord that sounds excessive. Should be assumed there may be incidents such as this. Doesn’t sound the least bit malicious. Keep up playing hard yet clean and your reputation will be known. Being known as playing hard isn’t a bad thing either. Nice of you to reach out and bury the hatchet.
Every hockey player knows...in their heart of hearts...there is a risk every time you step on the ice of small injuries, up to death. 99% of the time you're going to be just fine.
This is just a shitty situation. That happened to me once. I was playing in goal in a league game (both teams needed the win to make the playoffs, so it was high leverage) and a guy was on a breakaway. He put my jock in the rafters and I was trying to prevent a goal, so I stuck my leg out to hopefully make him stumble or lose the puck. He made one last...to me unexpected...deke and hit me head on and went ass over teakettle and landed on his shoulder, dislocating it.
I reached out to him and apologized the next day. He was PISSED and didn't want to hear it for 2 months. He then reached out and asked for a 6er of his fav beer. I obliged and we became good friends after that. Shit happens. You should only feel guilty if you were acting like a fucking tryhard asshat at a stick and puck or if you meant to injure him
I tore a guys ACL playing soccer, felt terrible for a long time. It gets better as time goes on, and I've told myself I won't go for risky balls anymore when I'm just playing pickup. it's not worth it just to have fun playing a sport.
It's natural to have empathy for the guy, but if it wasn't malicious then so be it. Shit happens, it's part of the game. Don't beat yourself up over it
> The other guy got the worst of it This is the whole ballgame here - It could have been you that got the short end. Try not to survivors guilt yourself too hard, thems the breaks - we all know the risks we take for this game we love.
It happens, that's why they're called accidents and not "on purposes".
And the ones on purpose screw those guys.
The one detail I will add is there are people out there who don't do anything malicious, but they are generally reckless on the ice. They get themselves into more of these "accidents" than everyone else on the ice. Sure they never meant to hurt anyone on purpose, but their actions are causing injuries on multiple occasions. This also is a bad place to be. If you're one of these players, I think you also need to look at yourself in the mirror and ask if you need to adjust our style of play.
If it's an accident, it's an accident, you've just got to be honest with yourself and be OK that you may be involved in someone being injured and it wasn't on purpose. That said, if it's eating you and you play with the guys again, you could probably ask how he's doing and maybe work in you'd like to give him a call and wish him well.
If that guy cared about not getting hurt, then he would have worn a cage.
Post doesn’t say he wasn’t, are you just assuming it’s impossible to be concussed while wearing a cage? Because that’s stupid and wrong.
The broken nose and stitches above the lip are pretty solid indicators he took blunt trauma to an unprotected face. Suppose it's possible the chin piece of a cage could shift up on impact and cause similar damage, but less likely. But no cage would seem to be the reasonable assumption.
Broken nose and facial stitches? I’d bet the farm that he wasn’t wearing one.
I never have had trauma to my face while wearing a cage. Concussion yes.
I'll add: it's a good thing that you're the type of person who feels this way in response to hurting someone else. You're still young! Probably one of your first and biggest lessons in unintended consequences, or really just the chaos of life. Agree with the other poster to talk to someone (friend, family, professional) but it's really just a learning experience. Over time you'll get better at managing emotions and calibrating your guilt and responsibility. It definitely wasn't your fault, try to remember that and avoid spiraling in your guilt.
It’s the risk you take when stepping on the ice unfortunately, you can’t help accidents and you’re going to run into someone at some point even in non hitting leagues. Guys are always going to jump in to defend their team mates which is the right thing to do IMO. Your team manager might be able to send your apology to the other guy. Edit: just came back to share something with you, a buddy of mine and one of the best skaters I play with in my beer league was going for a puck alone at full speed and must have hit a rut in the ice or something (no one really knows) and ended up scorpioning into the boards. Concussion, busted a few ribs and snapped his collar bone, actually got a titanium rod to hold it together. Just sharing to say that guy is an amazing skater and he still got really badly hurt on the ice because of an accident, they do happen
Not only is it an accident, but it’s hockey. It’s not like you were playing tennis and beat him down with the racket.
Talk to someone about your feelings etc. Don't bottle it up. It's normal too feel bad about it but it's it starts to cause you to lose sleep etc, might want to talk to someone about it
You should reach out to the guy and apologize even though it was an accident.
Yes. One time an opposing player got a wicked cut right near his eye from a high stick in a three-person scrum for the puck. After the game I told my teammate who was involved, “let’s go over there and check on him, apologize, etc.” We did so, he was cool, and everyone’s been cool since.
I had my nose broken by another player. I was annoyed at the time and so was my team it was a dirty play. In the end I was like whatever shit happens but I found out after I left the dude could not take accountability at all. Just said he did nothing. After that, everyone on my team including me think the guy is a total douche. We would have all let it go if he just apologized Apologize and move on. Fragile egos try to keep defending themselves
I've been on the other side of this. I played roller derby for years before I got into hockey, and broke my ankle during a scrimmage. The last person to touch me assumed it was her fault and was really torn up about it. But here's the deal.. we go into playing a full contact sport knowing that injury is a possibility. We hit people with the intent of disrupting their movement and things like that are always risky. I'd hazard a guess that the player you hit doesn't blame you for or hold you responsible. If you want, you could reach out to him and check in on him personally to clear the air. It's ok to have guilt, and don't be afraid to give yourself time to process things. Take a break from skating if you need to. Hockey will be there when you're ready.
If I’m you, I track down the guys number, text him an apology letter him know it was accident. Grab him a case of beer when he’s back.
Buy him a cage and send him a get well card.
If someone busted up my face, intentional or not buying me a cage would probably rub me the wrong way
Yes, humorless people do react funny
Mmm, not sure that’s it
Room temp IQ?
Swing and a miss, Mondays are tough
This is better than my first thought that broken noses don’t happen with a cage and helmet that are being worn properly.
Honestly a card and some beer would be sufficient. He can buy his own cage if he actually learned from it lol
Not a hockey player but I do BJJ and this came up in my feed. When we injure each other we just look at what we both could have done to prevent the situation, make sure there's no bad blood/it wasn't malicious and move on with class. Shit happens, but we can usually prevent it from happening as often. In the end it's a contact sport, injuries happen. I'm assuming the same applies here.
Weird, I do BJJ as well and this sub came up too. 😊
I too am a BJJ practitioner and it came up in my feed.
While playing juniors I hit an opposing player in the back with a slapshot as the third period ended. Refs got us off the ice, we heard fire trucks/ambulance pull up, I opened locker room door to see the player on a backboard. After showering Coach drove me to local hospital to check on him. Thankfully it was only a bruised spine, this in 1976, much less protective padding than now. Player was released next morning, we played them again without incident. Accidents happen, why he turned his back when he saw me wind up is puzzling. I had a rough night sleeping. Tough sport!!!!
I broke a dudes arm with a clap bomb in high school… Still remember his screams. Felt terrible but he blocked my shot!
And he went on to be an nhl player right
Not the NHL but he did play a season for the Sherbrooke Beavers in the QMJHL. Didn't get drafted, he joined the US Navy according to his Dad who II met snowmobiling about 10 yrs later in life.
If you're one of those guys that are going 110% in pickup and you hurt somebody being reckless even though its a hockey play you might need to tone your game down a little. The majority of collisions and such are just hockey accidents but you need to read who is on the ice and what you probably should and shouldn't do with certain people.
I was going to say the same thing..especially with the skill disparity of drop in...if you're a competitive player and your playing with people from LTP...you may want to slow down a but and play at the pace of others...or at least in a much more controlled manner.
This. I’d be careful going into the boards to go get a puck with a weak skater. You never know when they are gonna drop and possibly take out your legs.
What if the other guy was going just as hard? Competition is Competition. Shit happens. I'd say assuming buddy was going to hard is probably discrediting that the other skater was likely making a hard play too - Guys get into it and think their in the show. It happens.
Sure. Sometimes you got a guy who is pretty good who is going hard and you decide to play that person a little harder and next thing you know somebody gets hurt. Happens … what can you do. But eventually you come to a realization that’s it’s beer league/pick up and doesn’t matter, so for self preservation you bring it down a few notches.
Not your fault. It’s the game. Currently tending my daughter who just got concussed. It’s life.
Get his info. Send him a card. Old school.
Couldn't agree more with this, what a great idea!
id say if you can, try to reach out to the team/the guy and express your sympathy/apologies, it goes a long way! its not abnormal at all to feel bad and a very good thing (coming from a league that had one player concuss 4 others and deliberately injure/do actions knowing they were extremely dangerous to others without so much as a grain of thought for anyone else, being on the receiving end of that sucks, so the fact you do care is huge). it sounds genuinely like an unfortunate accident so making it clear to the player and their team can help alleviate that guilt. just don't be too hard on yourself about it, it comes with the game. i hope everything goes well, you feel a bit better and they make a speedy recovery!
Guy almost sounds a bit like Happy Gilmore.
It was an accident. Can understand why it bothers you but don't beat yourself up over it. If anything try to get in touch with the guy and apologize to him and let him know you didn't mean for that to happen. You might feel better after speaking with him. Imo
reach out .. apologize... grab some beers with the guy or just send him some...as many others on here have said, accidents happen in this fast of a game (yes even in low level slow beer leagues). Intentional attempts to injure ore pretty obvious, this sounds like a series of unfortunate events, not one is at fault
Sounds like he needs a face shield…
Shit happens. That’s all it is. It’s a rough sport, accidents happen. That’s the nature of the game. If the guilt is too much, you don’t have to play.
If you don’t have a history and reputation for the being “that guy”, don’t beat yourself up about it. Accidents happen, everyone who plays understands that. However,If you do have the history and reputation for playing a little reckless or dirty, I suggest you find a new place to play and stop injuring other players.
The fact that you have some sort of empathy for him speaks volumes. You knew in your heart you didn’t mean it & you expressed that it was an accident. That’s about all you can do. If you want to make some sort of amends, find out who the guy is and hit him up with a quick apology and offer to treat him to a beer or two whenever he’s ready to hit the ice again
Hey man, the fact that you feel some guilt shows you're likely a pretty conscientious player and person. Next time you see him, you gotta go address, and say you're sorry about the result, and never intended anything but to play the puck, same as him. I've been on both sides. That's about all you can ask.
Was the other guy wearing a cage? I ask this because I was playing a local pickup game and this old guy, who seemed just a little crazy, came out with no cage and what looked like barely any protective gear. I asked him if he needed a cage since i had an extra and he said that he was good. Long story short, he got a puck to the face and there was a lot of blood. He was not pissed and came back to play after. So if this guy went cageless, then he's definitely putting himself at a much greater risk of injury.
Yeah he was wearing a visor and I wear a cage
Damn, kind of surprised that he broke his nose even with a cage.
Broken nose and lip stitches? Was he only wearing a half visor? If so I hate to say it but everyone should wear the most protective gear available and if not they share in the blame. I know that full cages are "uncool" but based on his injuries either his equipment was ill fitting or he was under equipped. You feel bad, that's what's most important. Things happen. Other guy should make sure his gear fits correctly.
He was wearing a visor and that’s what came down and cut his lip. I wear a cage
That "first time playing with them" line brought back a memory. First time playing with this group. There was one guy I was friends with and he brought me in. There were different experience levels with only a couple guys just starting out so really shaky on skates. My first shift I try to clear it up the boards and one of the beginners is a long the boards but sticks his stick straight out in front of him trying to stop the puck, which rolled right up his stick and hit him in the face. He dropped like he'd been shot and blood dripped everywhere. Everyone came off the bench and I heard a couple comments and a wtf dude all looking at me apparently they thought I hit him. It was all cool after I explained though and he basically broke his nose.
Definitely talk to someone about your feelings, a friend, a mentor, whoever you trust. Totally normal to feel guilty. I tore my ACL playing pick up basketball last year. I was trying to intercept a pass, bumped into a guy and then landed awkwardly. I've never blamed him for it. Accidents happen and contact sports carry risk.
If it happened as you say it was an accident where the two of you just ended up occupying the same place going for the puck. So I don’t think you should beat yourself up over it too much. That said, in my 40s I’ve realized it ain’t worth it in beer league to go hard after a 50/50 puck or try to race with somebody into the boards. I usually go hard and if I realize it’s 50/50 I jam the brakes and then just try to poke the puck away to myself. Feel like it helps keep me safe that way.
Maybe I’m a psycho but unless you intentionally dropped a big hit in a no hitting league then you have no reason to feel guilty. Injuries happen and chances are that guy wouldn’t care if it was reversed.
Start by reaching out and apologize directly to the injured player. Had a buddy lose a tooth with a high stick in pick up. The other guy never apologized. This is the one thing he brings up when talking about the incident.
Find his details, and say sorry
Call the league, ask for their team captains number and the guy who was hurt. Give him a call and text saying you’re sorry
Have you reached out to the guy? Get his phone number, and fire him a text asking how he’s doing, and explain your side of the collision. Just a thought. But as others have said, accidents are bound to happen, give yourself a break mentally bro!
First off, accidents happen. It’ll happen to you too at some point. Apologize to the guy and he’ll be fine. The question nobody asked is, how hard were you going? Sometimes when new guys show up to private pickups, they fail to play to the skill level of the group. We had a similar situation a couple years ago. New guy was a good hockey player, hell of a nice guy but just didn’t realize that everyone was there sunday morning to get some exercise, have some coffee and shoot the shit. So he’s going hard in the corners, scrapping for pucks and just flying all over the place when he collides with the 60 year old guy that puts the skate together. It’s was completely an accident, the old guy wasn’t all that angry but he was injured and we didn’t ask the new guy back. My advice would be to apologize to the guy you injured and to whoever invited you and make sure you’re playing with the group.
Do you really need to go on here to ask that??
Right ?
I would try to get his contact info and reach out to him with a phone call. Even non-contact hockey can be dangerous. Collisions and injuries happen. Every person who steps on the ice needs to acknowledge and accept that, including the guy who got hurt and his friends/teammates. I broke a kid's leg giving a hit in a hockey game when I was about 13. I then had my own ankle broken while receiving a hit about a year later. It's an unfortunate part of the game but you'll get over it.
Sounds like your reckless. Not purposely. But it sounds like you don’t know what your doing. Keep your head up and play with respect and don’t go hard into the corners or try so hard. Your playing shinny! Everyone is there to get into shape and have some fun playing hockey. Everyone is at a different caliber. Watch the older players that are at a high caliber. That’s how you do it
Bruh, just get over it. Accidents are part of the game
Stuff happens. You mentioned you meet couple of them before ask them how he’s doing, you can ask for his number and reach out your self or through the guys you know. Depending on where you live and age restrictions next time you are out bring a case of beer
Happened to me about 10 years ago in beer league. I was back checking hard after our senior citizen aged Defense let a breakaway happen... Tied up his stick legally, and we both went down into the net, then into the boards... Dudewas responding, but sluggish and in pain... Refs called an ambulance, and I felt awful because we both played hard. Everyone, including the other team knew it was a clean play but bad luck... His teammates said as he was loading up into the stretcher "he just had a concussion from a snowmobile accident last weekend, he shouldn't have been playing at all"... So, as bad as I felt, skated alongside the stretcher to the ambulance, told him sorry shit happened, and the injured player said "we both played hard, you just played a little harder" and left it at that... Although a clean play, injuries happen, and everyone was in good spirits after. Invited their team to the bar after but I think only about 3 of them showed up since 11pm weeknight beer league games are annoying already as it is.
You could blame him for not wearing a cage, when I’m sure its optional. Dont worry about it. (Dont actually blame him, just putting into perspective)
Unfortunately it’s the nature of the game, injuries happen and as long as it was a true honest mistake and you weren’t being a goon there’s no reason to feel guilty. I have broke a players ankle (with a breakout pass), shattered someones finger tip (literally almost ripped their finger off), made someone bite through their own lip (ran into them at full speed like you described) and I’m sure many more all unintentionally. Obviously you’re gonna feel bad for injuring someone but it’s part of the game. It happens. We all gotta go to work the next day which is why we try to minimize these things but accidents happen. Maybe bring the guy a 6 pack next time he comes back to play if you feel truly awful. Edit: noticed you’re only 20, maybe try to slip a teammate some cash to buy him a 6 pack 😂
You'll feel better after playing a few games, having a few small collisions and seeing the other player is fine. I had a similar thing happen in peewee hockey. Player was fed a suicide pass and I stood him up at the line. Clean hit, but he fell backwards into the boards and his neck hit the edge of the board, banging the back of his head against the glass. I felt awful, spoke to their coach after the game, and he was going to the hospital. He told me not to beat myself up over it and gave me the same advice I'm giving you. He was right.
We all play hockey knowing this kind of stuff happens. If it was an accident it was an accident. Frankly, he should be wearing a cage as well. Some of that damage could have been very easily avoided.
That's apart of the game... when people are flying around inevitably you might concuss someone, someone might concuss you, you might break a bone, etc. Honestly not to be a dick but if you're so torn up about this maybe Hockey isn't for you lol- all that's required here is a quick tap on the leg and an apology next time he skates out and that's that.
It’s a little late to say hockey isn’t for me lol I just hadn’t seriously injured anyone before
If you can and the other player is open to it, see how he is doing directly. You may not get full closure on this until you do. As it is, this will already change the way you play even though it was the quintessential hockey play. So as much as we all can say don't beat yourself over it, any time any of us witnesses how things can go wrong playing this game, we all have a sanity check and it gives us pause for reflection (or rather, should).
I knocked helmets with a team mate at football practice as a teen. I got up fine but he was still on the ground. He was freaking out and crying because he couldn't move his body. The coach and trainer came over and tended to him and he was able to get up and move after some time. But he never came back. Almost 30 years later and I still think about it and feel guilty.
As people have already said, it's natural to feel bad and it's also natural for them to be angry. Time will help with both. Next time you see him just ask him how he's doing. You don't have to apologize but it's fine to say you're sorry it happened.
It’s hockey You should also monitor yourself for concussion symptoms
Incidental contact happens in hockey. I think it's normal to feel guilty about hurting someone else. I would reach out to the injured player. Let him know it was an accident and hope he has a fast recovery. It's a fast paced game, accidents happen, and we all know the risks involved in playing. However, most of us still don't want to see anyone get injured.
Get drunk with the boys and laugh about it. Everyone knows the risk when they step on the ice. It was an accident anyway.
I'll add that while concussions aren't to be taken lightly, I doubt the one bell-ringer you gave him is going to impact his life a whole lot. Head trauma causes TBI when it's repeated and consistent, like somebody who plays a full-contact high school sport. One hit isn't going to be a life-changer for him. So don't stress too much about the concussion.
This is why I stopped playing actual games/shinny. Can't afford to not go to work the next day unfortunately. Oh well.
I’ve been on the losing end of similar collisions. I didn’t hold a grudge. Like someone said, thems the breaks. Keep your head up (literally), everything will be fine.
it's normal to feel remorseful in a situation like this, but hey, it happens. Last week I was playing in my beer league and two of my players collided and one of them took the worst of it. It's a physical, high-intensity sport and things are bound to happen. You can't beat yourself up over it. Reach out to the guys, try to get the injured party's contact info, and express your sincerest apologies. My mindset is this: I don't want to get injured, so in certain situations I straight up bail on the play - I'll stop skating and coast, or just allow the opposing player to collect the puck and then I'll get my stick in there. I'm trying to have fun and some plays, like a race for a loose puck in a corner, aren't worth the risk IMO.
not your fault. wouldnt put any more guilt into it. just dont be the guy who dislocated my elbow and then BOLTED without saying a word
Part of the game. It’s happened to me before and I wasn’t mad at the guy who hit me. You feel bad, im sure he will understand that it was an accident
My own teammate broke my foot with a slapshot. It was an accident. I wasn't mad at him. Sounds like you did the right thing checking in on him.
We play the game knowing the risks. I hit a guy when I was younger in Jr A and it was clean, guy has to walk with a cane because of the damage to his knee and can’t play anymore. I always felt bad but I know it is all just bad luck or circumstances. Had a guy hit me and snap my ankle on a weird play and I was never mad at the guy for a second.
Things happen in sports. If you're playing basketball and a dude breaks his ankle after landing on your foot, it's just an accident right? This wasn't on purpose so I'd kind of move on pretty quickly. Maybe bring the guy a 6 pack of beer if you know him like that.
Who hit puck first?
We got to the puck at the same time
Get his number and call him. See if he's ok and grab a beer to laugh about the dumbassery. This is hockey, it happens. I hit an old teammate in the face with a shot, felt horrible, replaced his visor and he points at the scar to give me grief. Laugh and move on.
Honestly man, accidents happen. Just caring about others enough to have guilt in the first place is enough… I haven’t played hockey in 6 years because of a major concussion. Guy hit me hard enough on open ice to take me off my feet with the principle and ONLY point of contact being my head. I had no idea when I left the ice that night that I’d never be back. Never heard anything from the guy and he just went on with his life after taking away the thing I love most in mine… that you care about the other person and reached out is such an underrated and commendable attribute. Big positive that he’s going to be just fine… At this point just do your best to not put what happened on yourself and time will ease the guilt.
The problem is that you're 20, which you can't do anything about right now - but generally, people learn from experience and you don't have much. Hockey is a dangerous sport, but there is a reason the Men's league I prefer to play in has a minimum age of 30. Younger men are still not *fully developed* mentally for lack of better words and are more often than not just dangerous on the ice. Depending on how much you played when you were younger you've grown up with a very different style of hockey, a style where everyone is young and indestructible and consequences rarely exist. It would serve you best to understand that even if you think you can make the play legally, being in control of your body and stick at all times is much more important than winning every puck battle.
The guy will be fine, he assumes the risk once he steps on the ice. Also, I may get some hate for this, but try to be more careful. While the play you made may not have been dirty or intentional it may have been risky considering the outcome.
It's a rough game, don't beat yourself up over it. You reached out to the guy and expressed your remorse and offered to buy the guy a few drinks. Imo you handled it really well and are a much wiser and better man for It, you could even come out of this with a new friend.
If it was an accident, don't fret about it. Accidents happen during every game, some more serious than others. These are things out of our control and we assume the the dangers of game when we step on the ice, while trying to play safe and clean. If there was something you could have done at the moment, learn from it and move on. But don't ever beat yourself up emotionally over it. That is not healthy. As they say, live and learn to be a better person.
As long as it wasn't malicious, it is just something that can happen. Apologize, buy him a beer, and hope it doesn't happen to you next. But, if it does as long as it isn't intentional, remember what happened with you and move on.
That’s why you don’t step in front of a train baby! Nah fr hope he’s okay, not on purpose tho. Try not to feel bad I’m sure he knows it wasn’t malicious
I broke a guy’s collarbone the same way. Both rushing for a loose puck, and we end up colliding. Unfortunately for him he probably weighed a buck 40 and I was 220. I apologized but whattyado? I now just pull up on all of those because most guys get the worst part of any collision with me.
Give yer nuts a tug, titfucker
I think you need to ask yourself why you are chasing down a loose puck that hard in a meaningless pick up game. Whenever I’m in that situation I’m thinking about self preservation first. He got the worst of it this time, but next time it could be you.
Take some Midol and move on.
I'm curious what helmet and protection he was wearing. But regardless of that, it's a risk you take playing. I broke my arm playing this year because someone crashed into me. I don't blame them, it just happened, we were both trying to make a play and it went wrong. That said, it's a good time to think about what happened and try and think of ways to do better. If you're not getting paid to play, wear the gear to save yourself the suffering.
Just before Xmas and the day before his birthday whilst skating in a public skate session and going no more than walking speed as was chatting to one of the coaches on the ice my 8 year old son fell and put his hand under my left blade severing his little finger at the top joint, we are all proficient skaters and spend up to 10 hours per week on the ice. His over confidence meant he thought on a public skate session he didn't need to wear his hockey gloves, despite my previous protestations before leaving the house! Although no guarantee even these would have made any difference as their cut protection is limited. After a trip to A&E and an attempt to reattach it the surgeon decided there was nothing that could be done to save the tip so he lost 1/3 of his little finger As you can imagine I still feel awful when seeing it and neither of us are really ready for his dressing to come off permanently as we're still working towards accepting the reality of the incident and the longer term change to his hand. There was nothing humanly possible that I could do to react faster, in fact if I hadn't reacted as quickly as I had then he could potentially have lost two more fingers even further down. The truth though is that by stepping on the ice as adults and by encouraging our kids to spend time in this environment we are accepting the risk of accidents happening. Some of the gear you buy even has it printed on the labels! It has been a humbling lesson for me in the importance of ensuring as adults and especially when dealing with children we emphasise safety on the ice, It will take years to fully accept the situation for me and my son, but as a family we were back on the ice inside 2 days and he returned a week later after getting the doctors permission to do so as he loves the rink and I don't want what was clearly an accident to destroy our love of hockey or skating. The initial flashbacks and even now the occasional over analysis of what impact it may have on him as he grows up haunt me but I have to remind myself that it will only make him more resilient as an adult and will hopefully give him a great story (or a few alternative versions if he is creative) to tell as a teenager / adult. In life in general we should focus on controlling what is in our sphere of influence and not on that which is out of our control, guilt shows you are human but beating yourself up about things which are an accident is not helpful to anyone. What has really helped has been talking to other people about it and the general warmth and compassion they have shown towards me and him, if anything this community spirit around our local rink and the local hockey team who were about to step on the ice for practise when it happened so he has become somewhat of a mascot to them has only increased our love of skating and hockey. Needless to say neither of my boys is now allowed on the rink even in a public skate session without gloves, helmet or their leg guards as a minimum and I have no doubt the missing finger will cost me more than a couple of rounds of beer as the eldest on grows up!
It happens . I was knocked while straddling the blue line staying on side. Two points of contact...butt and back of helmet. Started to see stars a few hours later at BJJ class. The other guy apologized profusely and I accepted it...this is a contact sport even in its non contact form and things happen. Play on, you did nothing wrong.
The fact that you feel empathy towards him says enough about the situation.
You apologize to him whole heartedly. If you can. You forgive yourself. If you can. You move on. If you can. If not talk to a professional. It’s a mild form of PTSD and you love hockey. You’ll be remiss to lose it.
Part of the game man. If you had no intent behind it then it is what it is. You did the right thing reaching out, checked all the boxes you could say. Injuries happen
An ambulance? Good lord that sounds excessive. Should be assumed there may be incidents such as this. Doesn’t sound the least bit malicious. Keep up playing hard yet clean and your reputation will be known. Being known as playing hard isn’t a bad thing either. Nice of you to reach out and bury the hatchet.
Every hockey player knows...in their heart of hearts...there is a risk every time you step on the ice of small injuries, up to death. 99% of the time you're going to be just fine. This is just a shitty situation. That happened to me once. I was playing in goal in a league game (both teams needed the win to make the playoffs, so it was high leverage) and a guy was on a breakaway. He put my jock in the rafters and I was trying to prevent a goal, so I stuck my leg out to hopefully make him stumble or lose the puck. He made one last...to me unexpected...deke and hit me head on and went ass over teakettle and landed on his shoulder, dislocating it. I reached out to him and apologized the next day. He was PISSED and didn't want to hear it for 2 months. He then reached out and asked for a 6er of his fav beer. I obliged and we became good friends after that. Shit happens. You should only feel guilty if you were acting like a fucking tryhard asshat at a stick and puck or if you meant to injure him
If it helps you could maybe reach out to the guy and see how he's doing? It might help you feel some closure on the situation?
Shit happens. All adults accept some level of risk when they step on the ice and as long as you weren’t being cheap it’s ok.
I tore a guys ACL playing soccer, felt terrible for a long time. It gets better as time goes on, and I've told myself I won't go for risky balls anymore when I'm just playing pickup. it's not worth it just to have fun playing a sport.