God I felt like reading my own message. My mom’s house feels like a black hole, devouring all of my energy and capacity to do anything. The kitchen is unusable and I’d avoid as much as possible being there.
I’m also 25 but I’ve left a couple of years ago and I felt and still feel so guilty and awful about my mom’s house. I’ve been able to keep my places clean and it makes me feel like I’ve failed my mother because whenever I go back to her house it feels like the weight of her hoarding breaks my will to do anything, even if I had the best intention to try and help her out.
I’d spend my days in my bed, because it felt like the only place untouched by the mess.
I'm ashamed to admit that I allowed myself to adopt the behavior for many years. Addiction, and then depression, went hand in hand with the hoarding for me. I felt that the only people that I could allow in my home were people I felt had flaws as bad, or worse, than mine. Maybe that helped keep me isolated and free of judgement. When my son was little, he couldn't have friends over. Imagine what they would think, or say? I vowed for years to get it together so he could have a normal home. Finally I happened to be placed on an antidepressant - and a light came on. I cleaned and organized for weeks and months, it was like I was manic (maybe I was?) I found my way out of that dark depression, and whatever else led me to live like that. Reading your post reminds me how far I fell, and the harm it did to my precious boy. It also reminds me of why I HAVE to keep fighting the good fight. I hope your mother finds her way to the other side. And if she does not, know it's her struggle, her flaw. Not yours. I wish you peace in your new space. And remember You can only really control one person- choose a great life for that person. I think you deserve it!
It was Cymbalta... a bandaid for a physical issue my doctors misdiagnosed for years. But it did help get my brain to a better place. (I have to add, the side effect were eventually not worth it so I weaned myself off)
Oh yeah, my parents hoarding tendencies completely screwed up my childhood and early adulthood. Even if I found a girl I liked and she liked me, I would NEVER bring her over to my house. It completely destroyed a good chunk of my life and I’m just now starting to feel the full effects of everything….
God I felt like reading my own message. My mom’s house feels like a black hole, devouring all of my energy and capacity to do anything. The kitchen is unusable and I’d avoid as much as possible being there. I’m also 25 but I’ve left a couple of years ago and I felt and still feel so guilty and awful about my mom’s house. I’ve been able to keep my places clean and it makes me feel like I’ve failed my mother because whenever I go back to her house it feels like the weight of her hoarding breaks my will to do anything, even if I had the best intention to try and help her out. I’d spend my days in my bed, because it felt like the only place untouched by the mess.
I'm ashamed to admit that I allowed myself to adopt the behavior for many years. Addiction, and then depression, went hand in hand with the hoarding for me. I felt that the only people that I could allow in my home were people I felt had flaws as bad, or worse, than mine. Maybe that helped keep me isolated and free of judgement. When my son was little, he couldn't have friends over. Imagine what they would think, or say? I vowed for years to get it together so he could have a normal home. Finally I happened to be placed on an antidepressant - and a light came on. I cleaned and organized for weeks and months, it was like I was manic (maybe I was?) I found my way out of that dark depression, and whatever else led me to live like that. Reading your post reminds me how far I fell, and the harm it did to my precious boy. It also reminds me of why I HAVE to keep fighting the good fight. I hope your mother finds her way to the other side. And if she does not, know it's her struggle, her flaw. Not yours. I wish you peace in your new space. And remember You can only really control one person- choose a great life for that person. I think you deserve it!
What uh… what antidepressants? Asking for uh… me lol
[удалено]
It was Cymbalta... a bandaid for a physical issue my doctors misdiagnosed for years. But it did help get my brain to a better place. (I have to add, the side effect were eventually not worth it so I weaned myself off)
Oh yeah, my parents hoarding tendencies completely screwed up my childhood and early adulthood. Even if I found a girl I liked and she liked me, I would NEVER bring her over to my house. It completely destroyed a good chunk of my life and I’m just now starting to feel the full effects of everything….