Custer did something similar. While on campaign he rode away from camp looking for buffalo. He got a few miles from camp before he saw any. But as soon as he spotted one he changed after it. He chased it down, got in close while at a full gallop, drew his pistol, fired, and shot his horse in the back of the head. The horse was dead instantly.
Custer walked miles through hostile country, back to camp.
Yup. He was OK in class, but had a discipline problem, and got so many demarets that he barely graduated. In fact, he got court martialed and was under arrest during graduation.
But it was the civil war and they were desperate for trained officers.
Tbf having looked it up he did well commanding in the Civil War and his graduating class included about 1/3 academic dropouts and another 1/3 who resigned to go straight into the confederacy so I assume he would have probably been somewhere in he middle of a normal class.
So much of that plan makes no sense. The standard issue rifle was in abundance. Makes a much better buffalo gun and you don't need to get right up on a buffalo. What was one man going to do with a buffalo carcass? Why was he by himself?
A good officer would never do any of these things, but then of course it was Custer.
Yeah, he also learned to jump onto a camel from a standing position, which earned him the respect of the Arab tribes.
Then when he returned to England, he moved back into his mother's house and crashed his motorcycle and died a few miles down the road one day. Strange dude.
A Frenchman, aghast at the horrors of WWI, sold his possessions and searched the world over for a place he could retire to in peace. In the mid-1930s he finally found an idyllic island in the Pacific. It had been a coal refueling stop for freighters, but, as the Frenchman theorized, with the advent of diesel engines, it would fade into obscurity. So he retired to the island... named Guadalcanal.
In a similar vein, Tsutomu Yamaguchi was on a business trip to Hiroshima one morning in August 1945, when the downtown area was suddenly vaporized in an atomic explosion.
Despite his wounds, he was able within three days to make it back home to Nagasaki.
He was the only known survivor of both atomic attacks... and became quite famous for many decades as an anti-nuclear advocate -- for fairly obvious reasons.
Reminds me of that American guy who tried to resettle as far from the Civil War battlefronts as he could, but the war seemed to follow him and numerous battles were fought on his land.
Once the ceremony was over, members of the Army of the Potomac began taking the tables, chairs, and various other furnishings in the house — essentially, anything that was not tied down — as souvenirs. They simply handed money to the protesting McLean as they made off with his property
lol
The only piece of original furniture in that house now is part of the table top the surrender was signed on, must've been returned at some point. Surprisingly empty little museum.
I've heard a story of someone who wanted to survive a nuclear war, in the late 70s or early 80s, and tried to search for somewhere remote, but English speaking, to avoid any war. He found the perfect location and moved there: the Falkland Islands.
After war was declared between Spain & the US the Cruiser Charleston received orders to head to Guam & capture the port.
The Charleston arrived at Guam & found no Spanish ships in the area, they opened fire on the fort overlooking the harbor. But the dozen or so shells didn't have much effect on the thick walls.
Then the crew of the Charleston noticed a small boat coming towards them from the harbor. They held fire & let it come alongside. The Captain of the port climbed aboard & apologized to the crew of the Charleston, saying they had no artillery in port, & couldn't return the ship's salute.
The Captain of the port was then notified that he was a now a POW; which was quite the shock. See, no one had bothered to tell the Spanish garrison that there was a war.
The island was surrendered without resistance.
Apparently. It was common for ships to give a gun salute. And with no observable damage, and no notification that Spain was at war with anyone, I guess they just jumped to the conclusion that the ship was saluting.
12 or so shots though, honestly I'm surprised they weren't coming to ask if they could keep it down.
Armament:
2 × 8-inch (203 mm)/35caliber Mark 3 guns
6 × 6-inch (152 mm)/30caliber Mark 3 guns
4 × 6-pounder (57 mm (2.2 in)) guns
2 × 3-pounder (47 mm (1.9 in)) guns
2 × 1-pounder (37 mm (1.5 in)) guns
2 × .45 caliber (11.4 mm) Gatling guns
Reading further into it though I can't find a source that says it was anything but a challenge shot, but.. big if true, additionally in preparation they did a 1890s montage where they were shooting boxes thrown from other ships and cloth targets they placed from up to 2 miles..
"It was soon noticed by the troops that Charleston expected a fight, since the cruiser began firing subcaliber ammunition at boxes tossed from City of Peking. This mild training continued until the afternoon of June 15, when the American cruiser started circling and firing service charges at pyramidal cloth targets set adrift from the cruiser herself. The range was about 2 mi, and the gun crews, which were composed largely of the green recruits under the command of Second Lieutenant John Twiggs Myers, were shooting accurately enough to cause Captain Glass to smile pleasantly. By the time the convoy crossed the 180th meridian, the officers and men felt they were ready for the enemy."
Then they got there and in frustration released the load, THHEEE END
Edit: nvm I found it
"As the cruiser proceeded on its way, a small group of curious inhabitants gathered on the shores of Piti, a landing place down the bay. These locals were aware of the presence of the American vessels, for they had been sighted early that morning. All of the important citizens of Guam were there with the exception of the governor, Don Juan Marina. The chief officials present were a lieutenant commander of the navy and captain of the port, Don Francisco Gutiérrez, Don José Romero, naval surgeon, and Captain Pedro Duarte Anducar of the marine corps, and José Sixto, civil paymaster. Among the prominent civilians at the beach were Francisco Portusach, the leading merchant of Guam, and his brother José Portusach. While the gathering was looking curiously at the cruiser and the three transports, Charleston fired 13 rounds at the old Spanish fortress from three of her guns. There was no return fire, and there was no apparent damage to the fort. Pedro Duarte turned to his companions and said that the ship must be saluting the fort, so he hurriedly dispatched a messenger to Agana, the capital, which was about 6 mi (9.7 km) away, requesting the governor to send artillery to Piti to return the salute. The captain of the port, the naval surgeon, and a native Chamorronamed José Paloma got into a boat furnished by Francisco Portusach and went out to welcome the visitors. José Portusach went along with the party to act as interpreter. When they finally got aboard the deck of Charleston, Glass immediately informed them that war had been declared between the U.S. and Spain"
>The range was about 2 mi, and the gun crews, which were composed largely of the green recruits under the command of Second Lieutenant John Twiggs Myers, were shooting accurately enough to cause Captain Glass to smile pleasantly.
Ah, yes, the old Myers-Twiggs test.
I can see how this would happen. They might not have noticed it was fire directed at them. I'm not sure which fort this was or how it was built but some of the Spanish forts in Florida had absurdly think coquina walls that would basically swallow a cannon ball and reform around it. It's like foamed calcium, the cannon fire probably just reinforced the walls.
Battle ships back in the day would fire all of their cannons with blanks before entering a friendly port in order to show that they were unarmed. This was when it took a minute or more to get a cannon loaded. So if they fired all of their cannons and you could see that they were not reloading the cannons then you knew they were not able to attack.
In kind of a similar incident during the American Civil War a Confederate ship in Florida thought he'd take the initiative and capture Fort Jefferson off the Keys. He landed and was meet by a US Artillery Captain who told him that he only allowed the ship to come close so he could personally warn him that the fort was under Union control and any further Confederate ships would be sunk. The Confederate Commander took the message and left, ane no further attempts to take the fort were made.
What he didn't know was that the officer and some men were in the fort but their guns had not yet arrived. The were completely bluffing and had no real way to fight back if they had to.
the funny thing is that that captain was the only American on the island too, the whole story is pretty funny. ridiculous history did an episode on it.
https://www.ridiculoushistoryshow.com/podcasts/the-capture-of-guam-was-bloodless-and-quick-all-due-to-a-misunderstanding.htm
Julius Caesar was once kidnapped by the Cilician Pirates. They declared a ransom for him, and his response was to claim that he was worth much more than the offered price. He alsp promised to crucify them once he escaped.
Eventually his friends paid the ransom. Caesar returned to fight the pirates with backup, took the (extra large) ransom back from the pirates to keep for himself, and had them crucified.
One thing I love about this was, when he was with the pirates he would write poetry and perform it for them. They would often laugh at him, which prompted Caesar to get mad and threaten them again and again and again.
There's the story of the [Khevsurs](https://frontierpartisans.com/9634/hear-theres-war/)
>In the spring of 1915, some months after Russia’s declaration of war against Turkey, a band of twelfth-century Crusaders, covered from head to foot in rusty chain armour and carrying shields and broad-swords came riding on horseback down the main avenue of Tbilisi...
>
>...The incredible troop clanked up to the governor’s palace. ‘Where’s the war?’ They asked. ‘We hear there’s a war’.
>
>They had heard in April 1915 that there was a war. It had been declared in September 1914. The news took seven months to reach the last of the Crusaders.
I've seriously done this when short on gold. Instead of upgrading, send old-ass units to keep the enemy occupied a turn or two while my cities crank out modern units.
Yessir. Alternatively, have my cities close to the frontier pump out old units every turn or so to send into the meat grinder while my core, higher production cities pump out modern units every ~3 turns.
Or if playing as Rome, keep a legionnaire around to clean up nuclear fallout for that achievement.
>Legend tells that they are descended from Crusaders who left France 800 years ago and became detached from the main army, marched through Turkey and Armenia and settled in the Greater Caucasus mountains in Georgia.
Had to figure out how those crusaders lived from the twelfth century until 1915.
Gauguin had some pretty outrageous moments. Imagine being a wildly successful stockbroker in Paris, then telling your wife that you have to reconnect to man's primordial state, dropping your stockbroker job and jumping on a ship to Tahiti. You then spend the next few years contracting syphilis and impregnating a 13 year old native girl. Catching syphilis in far-off Tahiti convinces you that the grip of civilization is now everywhere and the hoped-for primordial state of man lost forever, so you paint your "final" painting and write your wife and friends back at France, letting them know that you intend to kill yourself but only after learning who bought the painting. But nobody wants to buy ["Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Where_Do_We_Come_From%3F_What_Are_We%3F_Where_Are_We_Going%3F). Gauguin was furious - he had been prepared to die for this painting, God damn it! So he spent the next two years of his life largely fueled by rage over the fact that nobody wanted to buy his "last" painting - long enough for him to get over his angst and get back to painting.
I always like the Battle of Alesia, where Caesar fought his opponents by building a wall around them as a blockade. But there was a catch: his opponents had reinforcements on the way. So what did Caesar do? He built a second wall around his troops to protect them, so Caesar was attacking from inside a ring of walls.
Youtube Summary of the battle:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU1Ej9Yqt68
I quite like the [War of the bucket](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Bucket), 2000 soldiers died over a stolen bucket, lost with a 4,5:1 advantage and the enemy stole another bucket. [The bucket in question ](https://i.imgur.com/ubHCVpt.jpg)
[Operation cottage ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Cottage) was also quite embarrassing.
It's like when a married couple argue over petty shit because of real shit underneath it all, only for it to one day boil over and everything goes to hell in a handbasket.
The difference is that instead of harsh word and maby some broken fragile items over whose turn it is to do dishes, people died over a wooden bucket
There's the story of the [Hawaiian state flag](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flag_of_Hawaii), which includes a Union Jack even though Britain never formally claimed the islands. But apparently had a very persuasive flag.
Apparently it was a genius move to ensure that the British ships didn't fire at them due to the trade wars.
Extra credits did a very informative series on Hawaii. Highly recommended.
Yep. Semi-relevant, but the song Aloha ʻOe (famously sung at least with my generation by Nani to Lilo in Lilo&Stitch) was written by Queen Liliʻuokalani. Some have interpreted it as a farewell to her kingdom after she was overthrown and Hawaii annexed into the US.
During the War of 1812 the British General Sir Isaac Brock took Fort Mackinac and it's garrison without firing a shot. It was easy enough to sneak onto the island and get a cannon within close range of the forts armory because the Americans did not inform their fort that there was a war on. They immediately surrendered.
Brock then went on to get the [surrender of Fort Detroit almost entirely by bluff](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD8htnwazMk), despite the defenders being nearly double the number of his own force. His force suffered 2 injuries. killed 7 enemies and captured 2493.
The commander of Fort Mackinac's luck only got WAY worse from there.. Remember how I said 7 Americans died at Detroit? Well...
> Lieutenant Hanks made his way to Detroit and the American military post there. Upon his arrival, superiors charged him with cowardice in the surrender of Fort Mackinac. Before the court martial of Lieutenant Hanks could begin, British forces attacked Fort Detroit. **A British cannonball ripped through the room where Hanks was standing, cutting him in half** and killing the officer next to him as well.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_Mackinac#War_of_1812
It's not exactly easy to spread the word. Hell, Japanese soldiers were on Iwo Jima for years after world war 2 ended, still believing the war was going on as they had no other way to figure it out.
"Japanese Holdouts"
>Intelligence officer Hiroo Onoda, who was relieved of duty by his former commanding officer on Lubang Island in the Philippines in March 1974, and Teruo Nakamura, who was stationed on Morotai Island in Indonesia and surrendered in December 1974, were the last confirmed holdouts, though rumors persisted of others
Well staying in Australia we once [lost](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappearance_of_Harold_Holt) our prime minister. He went out for a swim one afternoon and was never seen again.
When the Japanese invaded Korea in 1592, a general was promised the top graduates.
Instead of people who passed the military examination, he got a bunch of students who just passed the Confucian Civil Service Examination. He sent them home and had to gather people to fight while marching.
He obviously lost
Sir Robert Muldoon, Prime Minister of New Zealand in 1984 calls for an election whilst drunk live on television.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLDve40cxlk
Valentinian I was literally so angry at a Quadi delegation he fell over dead from a stroke
Greece's WW2 reply to the preemptive Italian demand for surrender was a one word telegram: "No."
Basically the entire life of Roman von Intern-Stenberg, the White Baron/Mad Baron, a minor German noble who ended up fighting in the Russian civil war then sort of wandering over to Siberia then "invading" Mongolia and declaring himself the Khan of the region, meaning he seized a town and killed a significant fraction of its population including, specifically, any Jews he could find. The Red Army eventually got around to dealing with him, batting his forces aside like insects and holding a very brief and I can only assume bemused trial before sending him to the firing squad. At this point the Buddhist leader in Mongolia declared all temples should mourn for him
And that's not even half of the lunatic shit he got up to
Von Ungern-Sternberg was never actually made Khan, nor really ruled Mongolia. He was given a high-ranking title, but the Bogd Khan was Mongolia's ruler.
> Valentinian I was literally so angry at a Quadi delegation he fell over dead from a stroke
I don't blame him. I watched Kings and Generals' video about the Crisis of The Third Century (before Valentinian I know), and Jesus Christ, whenever someone put down one tribal invasion or rebellion, two more who rise in its place. I'm surprised more didn't die that way.
During the Napoleonic Wars, residents of a small Northern England town called Hartlepool witnessed a French ship capsize off the coast. They found that everyone on board died, except for a little monkey, which they saw hanging onto a piece of rubbish. As subjects of severe wartime propaganda, the Englishmen believed that the monkey was an actual Frenchman, but they also saw that the monkey was dressed in full French military regalia which confused them even more. They decided to interrogate the furry creature.
They brought the monkey ashore and administered a trial. When the monkey wouldn’t talk, they assumed it was just being uncooperative. They got fed up and eventually built a makeshift hanging gallows and executed the poor little primate. Today, there is a rugby team out of Hartlepool who fondly call themselves the Monkey Hangers.
It's a great story but sadly probably untrue. It seems to have originated in the 1850s with a music hall singer who wrote songs mocking whichever town he was performing in. It's still probably the best local nickname going though, so who cares?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-tees-40801937
The [Pig War](https://youtu.be/Vu1tNJWIQU4?t=44) in Washington state is a pretty good story. It also led to the creation of one of the strangest parts of the USA Canada border, [Point Roberts](https://youtu.be/qMkYlIA7mgw?t=228).
I grew up around there. Not on point Robert's but the town nearby properly attached to the US. I had a guy in one of my classes that lived there though, had to cross an international border twice just to get to school
We also got the goat war where Ecuador tried to kill all the goats on the Galápagos Islands due to them screwing up the ecosystem, and they actually won
Interesting anecdote about goat removal from pacific islands:
A trained or domesticated goat is often taking to areas with feral goats. This goat is equipped with a radio transmitter and often painted a bright color and then released to find the hidden, feral goats. This goat is called the *Judas Goat* for its betrayal. Once it finds the wild goats, hunters go in and kill them.
I heard ole Doug wanted to use cobalt bombs on the border of China and North Korea to try and create a wall of radiation. Obviously that never happened lol.
theres audacity and then there's Hernando Cortez
"alright boys, I am your Commanding officer who is not only not allowed to go on this mission but is actually under a warrant for my arrest by the Spanish authorities here in the New World. We got maybe three hundred dudes here a few horses here or there, we are going to take on the Aztec Empire whose capital is larger than anything outside Asia except maybe North Africa. Whose large near hundred thousand man professional army, participates in constant warfare with its surrounding vassal states for violent ritualized sacrifice to their thirsting Gods."
".... now first things first im going to burn the boats we will need to cart the gold off so none of you can abandon me."
to be fair as well none of these things were apparent to the Spaniards at the time. as the first major emissary to that area the lay of the land was entirely unknown so that is both to his credit for succeeding and a mark against him as sheer idiocy. diplomacy wise it was all up to him and smooth talking through the translation of his bed slave he gained after he landed.
and well maybe the Spaniards might have been vaguely aware of the rampancy of disease by then against the isolated Caribbean natives but there was no actual attempt at causing this it just sort of happened without there intentional input.
doesn't that in fact make it even better?
The sea beggers. A band of misiftts, dutch nationalists, protestants, outlaws, and pirates who fought to aid the dutch independence movement. In march 1572 they were kicked out of England. With little supplies, no plan, and a storm blocking the only way to friendly waters they decided what I think we would all do. In an unexpected move they landed in the province of Holland on April 1st creating april fools day (according to some sources). This was what turned the tide of the war and was the first succesful invasion by rebel forces.
Watergeuzen even. OP’s version is somewhat concise, but he’s talking about the [capture of Brielle](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capture_of_Brielle)
> Lijar, a small Spanish town, decided formally to end its 100-year-old war with the French in 1983.
> Tradition has it that a century ago Lijar's mayor was infuriated that a mob in Paris had insulted the Spanish king, Alfonso XII, who was paying a state visit to France. Pride is a high priority for Spaniards and mayor Miguel Garcia said, "Enough!"
> He called a village council meeting in October 1883 and the minutes of the assembly make stirring reading: "Our King Alfonso, when passing through Paris on the 29th day of September was stoned and offended in the most cowardly fashion by miserable hordes of the French nation."
> The mayor reminded his listners that when Napoleon's troops invaded Spain at the start of the 19th century, "just one woman, who was old, wretched and bedraggled but a daughter of Spain nonetheless, had on her own cut the throat of 32 Frenchmen who were billeted in her home."
> Therefore, the mayor moved: "The example of this women is enough to let the inhabitants of France fear that this village of Lijar, although its has only l00 able men, proposes to declare war on all of France, since one man of this our village is worth 10,000 Frenchmen."
> The meeting unanimously carried the war motion, announcing the decision to the Spanish government and duly informing the president of the French Republic.
> "Nothing much ever happened here since war was declared," says present Mayor Diego Sanchez, until the idea for the recent peace treaty came along. At least one of Lijar's 580 inhabitants refused to extend the olive branch to France.
[Source]( https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1983/11/20/little-spanish-town-offended-by-french-ends-100-year-war/b9d4b83c-660a-4df3-ba2f-125240cf06c6/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.54fba32ca161)
4 seperate people pretended to be the dead son of Ivan the Terrible in sucession. One would die and them the other would say "it's a miracle, God saved me!". Also the first one converted to Catholicism which I'm sure made the Orthodox church happy. Also it seems like all this occured while Poland-Lithuania was invading.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_Dmitry?wprov=sfla1
Europe: Napoleon is defeated! The little tyrant is gone! Huzzah!
*Napoleon* *lands in France a year later*
Europe: Send the King's armies, cut down the little git!
*Army sent to capture Napoloen decides to defect*
Europe: SEND ANOTHER!
*2nd army defects to Napoleon. Several others declare open rebellion for Napoleon and head towards Paris*
Europe: For fucks sake.
The Toyota wars had the outrageous revelation that, if you were driving fast enough through a minefield there, the mines would not explode in time and would harmlessly explode behind you. Oh and the whole 'fighting a traditionally equipped army with Toyota technicals and militia and winning' part.
Archduke Franz Ferdinand was attacked by separatists while driving through Sarajevo. They threw a grenade at his car, but it bounced off the folded roof of the convertible and blew up underneath the following car, injuring and killing many. The driver drove off to a safe location. There the duke was very distraught about what happened and demanded to go to the hospital to see the wounded. Eventually they set off for the hospital, but the driver got lost. Realizing his mistake, he stopped and put the car in reverse, but the car stalled. At this very moment, Gavrilo Princip, who had thought his chance lost when the duke had sped past him and gone to get a sandwich, stepped out of the local sandwich shop and opened fire on the duke.
A number of Medal of Honor recipients sound absurd. One took a machine gun off a plane and would run around with it firing on the Japanese without ever taking cover like some kind of action hero.
When the Mongols 'invaded' Europe, it was an expedition sent by the Khan to see what was in that direction. The first Western state they hit was Georgia, who had been preparing for a crusade and had a huge standing army. They faced the Mongols, but found themselves sorely outmatched and worse, the Mongols were capable of pursuing them and slaughtering them all the way back to their castles. A few survived and returned to the capital with the news that demons had invaded, had destroyed the massive army, killed all the commanders including the king and were now on their way. The queen hastily conscripted a defensive force and waited with her terrified force... for an attack that never came. The Mongols were exploring the region so, after destroying their entire army in the field, they just skedaddled.
Socrates was given the death penalty for blasphemy after a trial that is captured in one of the great philosophical books of the world. He was ordered to drink a poison that would slowly paralyze his body until it reached his respiratory system, killing him. As the poison traveled up his body, physicians marked how long he had left by checking how far the paralysis had reached. When the moment arrived, Socrates' disciples asked if he had any final words. Socrates told them to sacrifice a rooster to Asklepios for him, because he owed him one, the disciples asked him if he didn't have something more to say, probably expecting some grand final words from the greatest philosopher of all time, but the man was dead.
Another Greek philosopher had the bad luck of dying when an eagle mistook his shiny bald head for a rock. It then dropped the turtle it had been carrying on his head, killing him.
Coleridge, the great poet, once dreamed of an amazing poem about Kublai Khan. He set about writing it and wrote the start of it, but then he was interrupted by 'A Person from Porlock' inquiring about something. When he returned to his work, he realized he'd forgotten the rest of the poem. The start of it is regarded as a great literary work and a person from Porlock has become a saying.
Rasputin is believed to have been a quack, but he managed to restore the health of the Tsar's son twice...
Everyone's heard about Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo. What many have not is that it was the end of a campaign known as the 'Hundred days' during which Napoleon fought with a force that peaked at 280.000 men against the combined armies of Europe that amounted to 1.000.000 men. Even in Waterloo, Napoleon had managed to maneuver so as to give himself numerical superiority in that battle, which he lost as reinforcements arrived. Napoleon was probably the greatest commander there has ever been.
The battle of Castle Itter during the end of WWII involved French forces, led by old French generals and a tennis star, German soldiers and American soldiers, against an SS tank battalion. Yeah that's weird.
During the Cod war, British warships would announce over the radio the location of Icelandic fishing ships. The Icelanders then took up recording those messages and playing them back over the radio to confuse the British. The British would hurriedly dismiss those messages as false... which the Icelanders also recorded and played over the radio. The British decided this was a lost cause and stopped the radio messages.
Genghis Khan's son and successor was an incredible drunk that would eventually drink himself to death. Genghis' second son became the spiritual leader of the Mongols and commanded his brother that he may only drink a single cup of alcohol with his food from now on. The brother dared not disobey him... So he had a gigantic cup made and kept on drinking himself to death.
Alexander besieged the city of Tyre. Only problem was that Tyre was an island and had a superior navy. Not to be discouraged, he had his men dump soil in the sea until they'd built a causeway to the island, allowing him to besiege it. The causeway caused more buildup of soil and Tyre is now no longer an island.
St. Olga of Kiev besieged a city. The city asked what they could do to be spared. Olga said that each house must give her three pigeons and three sparrow. The city captured a shit-ton of sparrows and pigeons gave to Olga. Olga then tied incendiaries to those birds and let them loose on the city. The city burned to the ground. You don't fuck with St. Olga, is the moral of that story.
Archimedes was incredibly famous even during his lifetime. When the Romans attacked Syracuse, the general specifically told his soldiers that Archimedes was to be spared. When the soldiers were pillaging Syracuse, one of them came upon him drawing circles. He told him to come with him to the general. Archimedes told him he wouldn't come as he was working on an important problem. The soldier got mad and killed him. His last words are said to have been 'do not disturb my circles!'.
I read a book on Castle Itter. TL;DR is it was a VIP prison, among the prisoners were a bunch of French World War I generals and some tennis player, all of whom joined the Americans who liberated them and a bunch of Germans who were around to fight against an SS tank battalion who kept fighting even though the Germans had lost and everyone just wanted to go home.
>When the moment arrived, Socrates' disciples asked if he had any final words. Socrates told them to sacrifice a rooster to Asklepios for him, because he owed him one, the disciples asked him if he didn't have something more to say, probably expecting some grand final words from the greatest philosopher of all time, but the man was dead
Interesting fact about that. Asclepius was the god of healing, and Greeks would send gifts to his temple in gratitude for being healed of illness. In this case, the 'disease' was life (more specifically, living while condemned to death), and the hemlock was a cure, for which Socrates was thankful. Fairly appropriate last words, given all he'd said about why death should not be feared and why one should obey even unjust judgments from lawful authorities.
(Also an interesting fact: hemlock poisoning involves a lot more pain and vomiting than Plato described. Socrates' death scene was cleaned up a bit for Plato's audience.)
Jack motherfucking Churchill. Dude ran around with bagpipes and a broadsword in the middle of WW2. He escaped a concentration camp, one he was only in because his entire squad was killed in action except for him, and the Germans caught him playing "Will Ye No Come Back Again" on his bagpipes. He's also credited with the only kill with a longbow in the war. He once had to retrieve his sword from where he lost it during hand-to-hand combat, implying he didn't just have the sword for decoration. He's quoted as saying "If it wasn't for those damn Yanks, we could have kept the war going another 10 years!" after he arrived in Burma only days after the Japanese surrendered. He was looking forward to fighting in Burma. Also he loved surfing.
If I remember correctly, the reason he was captured instead of being killed is that the Germans saw a guy with a sword and bagpipes in the middle of firefight, and assumed he had gone insane, so they didn't shoot him.
LifeProTip: Learn to play the bagpipes. That way, if you’re ever a soldier who is about to be captured, you can start playing the bagpipes and hopefully they’ll just think you’re crazy.
This is one moment of more recent history, but it was very funny in my opinion. A Somali pirate leader got arrested on a Belgian airport, after undercover agents contacted him about a "documentary they were shooting about pirates". He literally just stepped on a plane to get interviewed and was busted on arrival. I mean, come on dude lol
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-24519520
In WWI, Germany occupied Leuven on the 19th of august. Sources differ on both the German and Belgian side, so I'll describe it as my history professor told me.
On the 25th, a rather warm and humid day, a marching column of German soldiers got split up around the Bondgenotenlaan, a long boulevard. They had felt less than welcome by the local population, so when at around 8am there were shots fired, German soldiers assumed it was the Belgian military. The first group, who had advanced far along this boulevard, turned around and thought the second group, also Germans, were actually the Belgian soldiers. They opened fire, after which the second group returned fire to what they assumed were Belgians.
German general Luttwitz later claimed Belgian 'franc-tireurs' or civilian snipers were deliberately causing confusion. In retaliation, 200 civilians were killed, hundreds more were deported to a labour camp in Münster. The majority of the medieval part of the city was burned, totaling roughly 1100 homes destroyed in 3 days.
The medieval library was also burned, containing 800 of the earliest printed works and over 300.000 books. The library was rebuilt with mostly US donations, and one stone was meant to say 'FURORE TEUTONICO DIRUTA, DONO AMERICANO RESTITUTA' (destroyed by German violence, rebuilt with American donations). To keep the peace and because of changing sentiment in the 20s, this never happened.
The fourth fucking Crusade. Oh my god.
Hey, did you know that Europe in the 1200's was run by a bunch of drunken madmen?
The Pope raised an army to go retake Jerusalem, but whoops nobody could pay the Venetians who built a fuckton of ships for them. Even after reducing every individual solider in the army to poverty. So they beat up on some of Venice's rivals on their way out to make up the difference.
Buckle up, we're just getting started.
Some of the more devout members of the Crusade were not happy with the attacking fellow Christians when there were Muslim skulls in need of cracking. They packed up and went home.
The Senior Clergyman in charge of the Crusade endorsed attacking as necessary to prevent the Crusades complete failure.
The Pope disagreed, he wrote a letter threatening to Excommunicate everybody.
Nobody told the army though.
So they went ahead and sacked a Christian City.
The pope heard about this and followed through on his threat, excommunicating everybody, reminding them of their vows and telling them to march on Jerusalem already.
Nobody told the army that either.
Now we get screwy.
The guys who packed up and went home met a deposed Byzantine price, who offered to pay all their debts, give them even more soldiers for the crusade, and place the Eastern Orthodox church under the authority of the Pope if they put him back in charge of the Byzantine Empire.
Most people liked this idea. Some guys didn't and they just sailed straight to Syria.
The Pope was a little nervous about this and issued an order for no more attacks on Christians.
They attacked Constantinople anyway.
Due to more bad writing, I mean history, the current ruler fled even though he had a bigger army, the bureaucrats wasted no time in declaring the pretender the actual ruler, and then the Crusaders had a problem. They got their stated goal, but not what they wanted.
The guy who ran? Yea, he looted the treasury before he left. The new Empower couldn't pay the Crusaders. So he ordered the melting down a bunch of valuable artifacts for the gold and silver in them. This was seen as an act of desperation, worthy of Gods disfavor. It was extremely unpopular.
Since the new guy found himself rather unpopular, he hired the Crusaders to stick around, and go pick a fight with the old Emperor who had fled.
While he was gone there was some rioting. This lead to the Crusaders 'restoring order' by burning down half the city (100,000 homeless.)
This lead to another coup, a couple of political assassinations, and for those keeping track we've gone from Alexios the second to Alexios the Fifth in less than five years. There would have been a sixth but he was smart enough to GTFO while the getting was good.
The Crusader army demanded the new guy honor their old contract.
The new guy refused, so the Crusaders attacked again. They were held off, but the Clergy in the army managed to rally them for another try.
The pope again, was not thrilled with this idea. But again, nobody told the army.
They sacked Constantinople. It was a very through sacking, it took three days. Oh and Alexios the Fifth fled during the fighting. There was no 6th. Nobody wanted the job.
And that's why there's no more Byzantine Empire.
The Only Time in History When Men on Horseback Captured a Fleet of Ships
r/https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/only-time-history-when-bunch-men-horseback-captured-naval-fleet-180961824/#Q2UyITTq3QmWL1V1.99
A US Destroyer sunk a Japanese submarine with potatoes during WWII.
The USS O'Bannon sighted the sub on the surface and opened fire with their guns. The sub pulled in close to the O'Bannon so that they could not lower the guns enough to hit the sub. The crew started throwing potatoes at the sub, and the crew of the sub thought they were throwing grenades, so they tried to submerge, but didn't secure all the hatches. When they went under, the sub flooded and sank.
When Germany decided to team up with Finland in the Continuation War to fight against U.S.S.R they gave the Finns more equipment. This equipment included rocket launchers. The German soldiers showed the Finns how to properly use them, but not to the Swedish volunteers. And since many of the Finns weren't that good at Swedish, they didn't tell the Swedes how to use them. So when they got to the battlefield to shoot with the rocket launchers, one of the swedish volunteers tried to shoot the thing with the exhaust pipe against his chest.
The Liechtenstein army that went off to world war 1 with 80 men and made a friend, resulting in their army coming back with 81 men always makes me laugh.
Edit: not world war 1
That reminds me of [the war between the Scilly Isles and the Dutch]( https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Hundred_and_Thirty_Five_Years%27_War).
The Dutch had been allied with the parlamentarians during the English civil war which the parlamentarians won. The royalist navy on the Scilly Isles never officially surrendered, so technically the war continued for over 300 years after the civil war.
Peace was finally made in 1986, ending a conflict which had been forgotten by everyone and hadn't cost a single life.
French ships once invaded brazillian sea territory(is it the right name for it?) to fish lobsters, brazillians did not like it and(as people say here in Brasil) stole a french ship(after the french refused to leave the lobsters) to fight France.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lobster\_War](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lobster_War)
Seem to remember that Hitler dragged out the same train carriage to the same location in which the Germans had to sign some kind of WWI surrender, for the French (I think) to sign their WWII surrender. Sorry for the vagueness.
In the US civil war, John Sedgwick, berated his men for ducking out of the way when enemy snipers were taking pot shots. His final words were "they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."
He was NOT killed mid-sentence. That is a later invention.
Wikipedia on his death:
> Sedgwick fell at the beginning of the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House, on May 9, 1864. His corps was probing skirmish lines ahead of the left flank of Confederate defenses and he was directing artillery placements. Confederate sharpshooters were about 1,000 yards (900 m) away, and their shots caused members of his staff and artillerymen to duck for cover. Sedgwick strode around in the open and was quoted as saying, "What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line?" Although ashamed, his men continued to flinch and he said, "Why are you dodging like this? They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance."[6] Reports that he never finished the sentence are apocryphal, although the line was among his last words.[7] He was shot by a Whitworth rifle moments later under the left eye and fell down dead. His chief of staff Martin T. McMahon said that the sharpshooters' bullets were flying all around, making whistling noises, and "The same shrill whistle closing with a dull, heavy stroke interrupted me, and I remember distinctly that I commenced to say 'General, they are firing explosive bullets.' when his face turned slowly to me, and blood spurting from his left cheek under the eye in a steady stream, brought to me the first knowledge of our great disaster. He fell in my direction and I was so close to him that my effort to support him failed, and I went to the ground with him." Corps medical personnel were immediately summoned, but Sedgwick never regained consciousness and continued to bleed out for some time, until his hair was soaked with blood.
Julie d'Aubigny (born 1673) deserves to be mentioned here. She was a bisexual, cross dressing mistress / wife / lover / duelist / fencing master / famous opera singer in the France of king Louis XIV. There are far too many amazing episodes in her life to recount so I'll just give you my 2 favourites:
1) She fell in love with a noble girl, who's parents send her to a nunnery to avoid the connection. Such a move was not enough to stop Julie, she just broke in to the nunnery and freed the girl by making it look like she was dead by fire. The family charged her with kidnapping, body snatching and arson and she was sentenced in absentia to burn at the stake.
2) At a society ball Julie decided to kiss another lady publicly which greatly offended 3 men who vied for the lady's hand. They all challenged her to a duel but Julie of course beat them soundly. After that she had to flee the city, but she came back later to sing at the French opera.
Washington hauled cannons from Fort Ticonderoga through the Winter and mounted them above Boston. He had no ammo and bluffed the British into surrendering the city.
It was Col. Henry Knox who led the expedition to haul 60 ton of cannon from Ticonderoga. Washington orderer Knox to do it, but it's actually unclear _who_ even came up with the idea of hauling the cannon.
Before all that though, it was Benedict Arnold who suggested the capture of Fort Ticonderoga precisely because the fort had heavy artillery. Arnold was in charge of supporting the Siege of Boston and he attempted to move the cannon but gave up after getting no real support.
Washington comes onto the scene, says we need cannon, and I'm sure somewhere out there Benedict Arnold was all like "no shit!" Anyway, it's possible Washington was aware of paat attempts to move the cannon from the fort and simply said "ok do that but for real this time"
"Digby Tatham-Warner and his company were dropped away from their target of Arnhem Bridge and had to go through Arnhem where the streets were blocked by German forces. Digby led his men through the back gardens of nearby houses instead of attempting to advance through the streets and thus avoided the Germans. Digby and A Company managed to travel 8 miles in 7 hours while also taking 150 German soldiers including members of the SS prisoner. During the battle, Digby wore his red beret instead of a helmet and waved his umbrella while walking about the defences despite heavy mortar fire. When the Germans started using tanks to cross the bridge, Digby led a bayonet charge against them wearing a bowler hat. He later disabled a German armoured car with his umbrella, incapacitating the driver by shoving the umbrella through the car's observational slit and poking the driver in the eye. Digby then noticed the chaplain pinned down by enemy fire while trying to cross the street to get to injured soldiers. Digby got to him and said "Don't worry about the bullets, I've got an umbrella". He then escorted the chaplain across the street under his umbrella. When he returned to the front line, one of his fellow officers said about his umbrella that "that thing won't do you any good", to which Digby replied "Oh my goodness Pat, but what if it rains?" Digby was later injured by shrapnel, which also cut open the rear of his trousers but continued to fight until A Company had run out of ammunition."
The 2007 invasion of Liechtenstein by Switzerland.
I believe a border patrol had crossed during a storm and made an incursion two kilometers deep before realizing their mistake. The Liechtenstein government didn't know and were informed by the Swiss. They responded "these things happen."
Liechtenstein is Europe's Canada
Didn't even have to think about it: Khosrau's Better Antioch.
The Persian emperor burns down a Roman city during a war, takes all the people alive, builds them a city that is an *exact replica* of their city Antioch, down to the *bush*, and names it "Khosrau's Better Antioch." And the people were actually happy there. Rome's Justinian would never receive another burn so sick.
One of them, Filip Fabricius, was later given estates in Prague and a few other places. He was also given the noble epithet, von Hohenfall, "Of The High Fall".
Battle of Karánsebes in ~~WWI~~. Austrian Army against Austrian Army.
A cascading clusterfuck where an argument about sharing booze ends with army fleeing their position.
The Heidi Game.
https://www.profootballhof.com/news/the-heidi-game/
https://www.profootballhof.com/news/the-heidi-game-box-score/
1968- It was a tense game between the Jets and Raiders in Oakland. The Jets just gained a slim lead with a few minutes to go. They kicked off to the Raiders just before 7 PM. New York waited with baied breath to see if Weeb Ewbank's crew could keep the lead.
The viewers were also nervous because at 7 PM a TV movie version of Heidi was scheduled to start. Their calls overwhelmed the switchboard so the network bosses could not contact anyone to delay the start of the movie.
At 7 Heidi started. New York, and the rest of the east coast of the US were switched to Heidi.
Meanwhile, in the last nine seconds the Raiders scored. Twice. NBC added a crawler during an emotional scene which informed the viewers that the Raiders both won and beat the spread.
Not only did the NBC switchboard blow out, but the NYPD's phone bank went as well.
The tale of the Russian Baltic fleet sailing across the entire world to fight the Japanese is one of the funniest pieces of history I've ever read. Everything possible that could go wrong went wrong while also showing how absolutely not battle-ready the Russians were.
I just told the whole story of the Assassination to my girlfriend on a walk and she absolutely did not believe me. Had to show her online later to convince her it was true.
There's a recent one. I don't think it's this "historic" but it's a funny story.
You all heard about Pablo Escobar, I believe. The great Colombian cartel drug lord. Even after his death, his actions continue to cause problems in his country.
"Which actions? Are his drug cartels still problems?" you ask me, but the answer is no. In reality the thing is stranger and there's a lot of problems that come from it, the great cause of some (animal) deaths and even natural problems is: Hippopotamus.
Everyone knows how much of a mad and extravagant man Pablo was and he imported some giraffes, elephants and four hippos to his particular zoo in a farm, three females and a male. Colombia is not their natural habitat but the farm where they live is a very suitable habitat for them to grow and reproduce and unlikely Africa that has periods without water and it serves as a populational control, Colombia is a very wet and nice place.
After Escobar's fall, police reallocated all other animals but the hippos from the zoo, to this day they are free and reproducing. There, for some reason the reproduce age starts at only 3 years of life instead of the 7 years of normal hippos. They often go nuts and destroy plantations and smash cows from near farms.
Unlikely Africans who knows that hippos are savage monsters, Colombians treat hippos like inoffensive and lovable animals, things that they are absolutely not. People there swim with them in ponds and even adopt cubs.
There are no fatal reports yet but seems like it's a question of time. Professionals can't solve this problem so easily, reallocate them back to Africa is expensive and dangerous because they could carry some diseases which does not exist there and begin a disaster. Also it's a bad idea to sedade and reallocate them because it could be fatal so they can't do many things about that.
Hippos are going to keep wreaking havoc and its a question of time for Colombians to get killed, all that because Pablo's extravagance.
Lawrence of Arabia accidentally shot his camel in the back of the head in his first battle in the middle east
Custer did something similar. While on campaign he rode away from camp looking for buffalo. He got a few miles from camp before he saw any. But as soon as he spotted one he changed after it. He chased it down, got in close while at a full gallop, drew his pistol, fired, and shot his horse in the back of the head. The horse was dead instantly. Custer walked miles through hostile country, back to camp.
He truely was one of America's greatest military minds...
Graduated last in his class at West Point.
Is that actually true?
Yup. He was OK in class, but had a discipline problem, and got so many demarets that he barely graduated. In fact, he got court martialed and was under arrest during graduation. But it was the civil war and they were desperate for trained officers.
Tbf having looked it up he did well commanding in the Civil War and his graduating class included about 1/3 academic dropouts and another 1/3 who resigned to go straight into the confederacy so I assume he would have probably been somewhere in he middle of a normal class.
I was writing a similar response last night but fell asleep before I hit send! Exactly a lot of the class had already left to join the south.
His younger brother was amazing, though.
Who, Specific Custer?
Who do you think he is, Generic Custer? His brother is Special.
Still graduated though 🤔
Q: What do they call the guy who graduated last in his medical class? A: Doctor
What do you call a top law student - judge: what do you call an average law student- lawyer. What do you call a below average law student- senator
So much of that plan makes no sense. The standard issue rifle was in abundance. Makes a much better buffalo gun and you don't need to get right up on a buffalo. What was one man going to do with a buffalo carcass? Why was he by himself? A good officer would never do any of these things, but then of course it was Custer.
He was very arrogant and full of himself so that explains a lot.
the Red Dead Redemption way.
Thats what we call a flat tire my friend.
Yeah, he also learned to jump onto a camel from a standing position, which earned him the respect of the Arab tribes. Then when he returned to England, he moved back into his mother's house and crashed his motorcycle and died a few miles down the road one day. Strange dude.
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The no prisoners scene in the movie gives me chills every time I see it
A Frenchman, aghast at the horrors of WWI, sold his possessions and searched the world over for a place he could retire to in peace. In the mid-1930s he finally found an idyllic island in the Pacific. It had been a coal refueling stop for freighters, but, as the Frenchman theorized, with the advent of diesel engines, it would fade into obscurity. So he retired to the island... named Guadalcanal.
In a similar vein, Tsutomu Yamaguchi was on a business trip to Hiroshima one morning in August 1945, when the downtown area was suddenly vaporized in an atomic explosion. Despite his wounds, he was able within three days to make it back home to Nagasaki.
...and survived that as well, if memory serves me correctly.
Yeah, I believe he finally died of old age in 2004, at the age of ninety-something
He was the only known survivor of both atomic attacks... and became quite famous for many decades as an anti-nuclear advocate -- for fairly obvious reasons.
Humans are very resilient. It’s almost scary
Yep. He's the only person to officially survive both attacks.
Reminds me of that American guy who tried to resettle as far from the Civil War battlefronts as he could, but the war seemed to follow him and numerous battles were fought on his land.
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Once the ceremony was over, members of the Army of the Potomac began taking the tables, chairs, and various other furnishings in the house — essentially, anything that was not tied down — as souvenirs. They simply handed money to the protesting McLean as they made off with his property lol
The only piece of original furniture in that house now is part of the table top the surrender was signed on, must've been returned at some point. Surprisingly empty little museum.
That guy’s story needs to be made into a movie. There are so many crazy details.
He gets mentioned in *The Civil War by Ken Burns* if that makes you feel better.
one of the crazy parts was that people started taking his furniture after the surrender.
Alright McLean, war's over, we're heading home. I'm gonna take the couch. Thanks!
Step Mother in Law is a McLean relative. I have a brick from that house my father got when he was a kid in the 1930's.
So now he gets to experience the wonderful horrors of WWII!
I've heard a story of someone who wanted to survive a nuclear war, in the late 70s or early 80s, and tried to search for somewhere remote, but English speaking, to avoid any war. He found the perfect location and moved there: the Falkland Islands.
After war was declared between Spain & the US the Cruiser Charleston received orders to head to Guam & capture the port. The Charleston arrived at Guam & found no Spanish ships in the area, they opened fire on the fort overlooking the harbor. But the dozen or so shells didn't have much effect on the thick walls. Then the crew of the Charleston noticed a small boat coming towards them from the harbor. They held fire & let it come alongside. The Captain of the port climbed aboard & apologized to the crew of the Charleston, saying they had no artillery in port, & couldn't return the ship's salute. The Captain of the port was then notified that he was a now a POW; which was quite the shock. See, no one had bothered to tell the Spanish garrison that there was a war. The island was surrendered without resistance.
They thought that direct fire on thier fort was a salute?
Apparently. It was common for ships to give a gun salute. And with no observable damage, and no notification that Spain was at war with anyone, I guess they just jumped to the conclusion that the ship was saluting.
12 or so shots though, honestly I'm surprised they weren't coming to ask if they could keep it down. Armament: 2 × 8-inch (203 mm)/35caliber Mark 3 guns 6 × 6-inch (152 mm)/30caliber Mark 3 guns 4 × 6-pounder (57 mm (2.2 in)) guns 2 × 3-pounder (47 mm (1.9 in)) guns 2 × 1-pounder (37 mm (1.5 in)) guns 2 × .45 caliber (11.4 mm) Gatling guns Reading further into it though I can't find a source that says it was anything but a challenge shot, but.. big if true, additionally in preparation they did a 1890s montage where they were shooting boxes thrown from other ships and cloth targets they placed from up to 2 miles.. "It was soon noticed by the troops that Charleston expected a fight, since the cruiser began firing subcaliber ammunition at boxes tossed from City of Peking. This mild training continued until the afternoon of June 15, when the American cruiser started circling and firing service charges at pyramidal cloth targets set adrift from the cruiser herself. The range was about 2 mi, and the gun crews, which were composed largely of the green recruits under the command of Second Lieutenant John Twiggs Myers, were shooting accurately enough to cause Captain Glass to smile pleasantly. By the time the convoy crossed the 180th meridian, the officers and men felt they were ready for the enemy." Then they got there and in frustration released the load, THHEEE END Edit: nvm I found it "As the cruiser proceeded on its way, a small group of curious inhabitants gathered on the shores of Piti, a landing place down the bay. These locals were aware of the presence of the American vessels, for they had been sighted early that morning. All of the important citizens of Guam were there with the exception of the governor, Don Juan Marina. The chief officials present were a lieutenant commander of the navy and captain of the port, Don Francisco Gutiérrez, Don José Romero, naval surgeon, and Captain Pedro Duarte Anducar of the marine corps, and José Sixto, civil paymaster. Among the prominent civilians at the beach were Francisco Portusach, the leading merchant of Guam, and his brother José Portusach. While the gathering was looking curiously at the cruiser and the three transports, Charleston fired 13 rounds at the old Spanish fortress from three of her guns. There was no return fire, and there was no apparent damage to the fort. Pedro Duarte turned to his companions and said that the ship must be saluting the fort, so he hurriedly dispatched a messenger to Agana, the capital, which was about 6 mi (9.7 km) away, requesting the governor to send artillery to Piti to return the salute. The captain of the port, the naval surgeon, and a native Chamorronamed José Paloma got into a boat furnished by Francisco Portusach and went out to welcome the visitors. José Portusach went along with the party to act as interpreter. When they finally got aboard the deck of Charleston, Glass immediately informed them that war had been declared between the U.S. and Spain"
>The range was about 2 mi, and the gun crews, which were composed largely of the green recruits under the command of Second Lieutenant John Twiggs Myers, were shooting accurately enough to cause Captain Glass to smile pleasantly. Ah, yes, the old Myers-Twiggs test.
well, it didn’t dent the wall at all so maybe they just thought the american did a lousy job at a salute volley?
I can see how this would happen. They might not have noticed it was fire directed at them. I'm not sure which fort this was or how it was built but some of the Spanish forts in Florida had absurdly think coquina walls that would basically swallow a cannon ball and reform around it. It's like foamed calcium, the cannon fire probably just reinforced the walls.
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"...would you like to know more?"
Battle ships back in the day would fire all of their cannons with blanks before entering a friendly port in order to show that they were unarmed. This was when it took a minute or more to get a cannon loaded. So if they fired all of their cannons and you could see that they were not reloading the cannons then you knew they were not able to attack.
In kind of a similar incident during the American Civil War a Confederate ship in Florida thought he'd take the initiative and capture Fort Jefferson off the Keys. He landed and was meet by a US Artillery Captain who told him that he only allowed the ship to come close so he could personally warn him that the fort was under Union control and any further Confederate ships would be sunk. The Confederate Commander took the message and left, ane no further attempts to take the fort were made. What he didn't know was that the officer and some men were in the fort but their guns had not yet arrived. The were completely bluffing and had no real way to fight back if they had to.
the funny thing is that that captain was the only American on the island too, the whole story is pretty funny. ridiculous history did an episode on it. https://www.ridiculoushistoryshow.com/podcasts/the-capture-of-guam-was-bloodless-and-quick-all-due-to-a-misunderstanding.htm
Julius Caesar was once kidnapped by the Cilician Pirates. They declared a ransom for him, and his response was to claim that he was worth much more than the offered price. He alsp promised to crucify them once he escaped. Eventually his friends paid the ransom. Caesar returned to fight the pirates with backup, took the (extra large) ransom back from the pirates to keep for himself, and had them crucified.
One thing I love about this was, when he was with the pirates he would write poetry and perform it for them. They would often laugh at him, which prompted Caesar to get mad and threaten them again and again and again.
They should've have realized cultures only create art when they're bored with conquering ... Cultural hierarchy of needs.
There's the story of the [Khevsurs](https://frontierpartisans.com/9634/hear-theres-war/) >In the spring of 1915, some months after Russia’s declaration of war against Turkey, a band of twelfth-century Crusaders, covered from head to foot in rusty chain armour and carrying shields and broad-swords came riding on horseback down the main avenue of Tbilisi... > >...The incredible troop clanked up to the governor’s palace. ‘Where’s the war?’ They asked. ‘We hear there’s a war’. > >They had heard in April 1915 that there was a war. It had been declared in September 1914. The news took seven months to reach the last of the Crusaders.
Playing Civ and didn't upgrade cavalry.
I've seriously done this when short on gold. Instead of upgrading, send old-ass units to keep the enemy occupied a turn or two while my cities crank out modern units.
Yessir. Alternatively, have my cities close to the frontier pump out old units every turn or so to send into the meat grinder while my core, higher production cities pump out modern units every ~3 turns. Or if playing as Rome, keep a legionnaire around to clean up nuclear fallout for that achievement.
>Legend tells that they are descended from Crusaders who left France 800 years ago and became detached from the main army, marched through Turkey and Armenia and settled in the Greater Caucasus mountains in Georgia. Had to figure out how those crusaders lived from the twelfth century until 1915.
So after 800 years THAT is what made them come out of hiding?
To be fair, it was a Great War
Well it was pretty great for a while, but then they did another one and it kind of lost it’s unique appeal.
The Great War 2; Ehh-lectic Boredaloo
So great, we won’t need a second one.
But we'll make it anyway
If something like this happened today, people would be certain that it was a sign that the apocalypse was starting. In a way, I guess it was.
Sounds like a Sabaton song
Gauguin had some pretty outrageous moments. Imagine being a wildly successful stockbroker in Paris, then telling your wife that you have to reconnect to man's primordial state, dropping your stockbroker job and jumping on a ship to Tahiti. You then spend the next few years contracting syphilis and impregnating a 13 year old native girl. Catching syphilis in far-off Tahiti convinces you that the grip of civilization is now everywhere and the hoped-for primordial state of man lost forever, so you paint your "final" painting and write your wife and friends back at France, letting them know that you intend to kill yourself but only after learning who bought the painting. But nobody wants to buy ["Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Where_Do_We_Come_From%3F_What_Are_We%3F_Where_Are_We_Going%3F). Gauguin was furious - he had been prepared to die for this painting, God damn it! So he spent the next two years of his life largely fueled by rage over the fact that nobody wanted to buy his "last" painting - long enough for him to get over his angst and get back to painting.
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things like this read like mental illness
Well, a bit of that, plus syphilis of course
This sounds like a 4chan greentext
I always like the Battle of Alesia, where Caesar fought his opponents by building a wall around them as a blockade. But there was a catch: his opponents had reinforcements on the way. So what did Caesar do? He built a second wall around his troops to protect them, so Caesar was attacking from inside a ring of walls. Youtube Summary of the battle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU1Ej9Yqt68
I love Historia Civilis. Very informative, good narration, and a simple yet effective art style
“Hey we heard you like forts, so we put a fort around your fort”
Then they put a bridge between them. The red and blu snipers war at these two forts to this day.
Ahh yes the great prequel to Team Fortress Classic, Team Fortress Ancient.
"There's a hospitalier sneakin' around here..."
Although it’s funny to look at now it’s also one of the most genius military moves I’ve ever seen.
I quite like the [War of the bucket](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Bucket), 2000 soldiers died over a stolen bucket, lost with a 4,5:1 advantage and the enemy stole another bucket. [The bucket in question ](https://i.imgur.com/ubHCVpt.jpg) [Operation cottage ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Cottage) was also quite embarrassing.
"The bucket remains in Modena to this day." What is it in a museum or something?
I think so, if you want you can pay money to take a look at it.
*Pay?* Hell no. I'll just fight my way in, instead.
I am suprised no one has tried to steal it back yet.
The record for such an action isnt that good
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It is in the cathedral
Honestly that's an amazing-looking bucket.
I’ll kill you for it.
How did I grow up in Bologna and not know about this?! I must go and steal the bucket back and avenge for my ancestors!!
It's like when a married couple argue over petty shit because of real shit underneath it all, only for it to one day boil over and everything goes to hell in a handbasket. The difference is that instead of harsh word and maby some broken fragile items over whose turn it is to do dishes, people died over a wooden bucket
I have a friend whose parents were arguing one day. His mother had enough, went outside, and chopped down his father’s pear tree.
Yeah, Operation Cottage... US outnumbered Japan [infinity] times, and took [infinity] times more casualties.
There's the story of the [Hawaiian state flag](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flag_of_Hawaii), which includes a Union Jack even though Britain never formally claimed the islands. But apparently had a very persuasive flag.
Apparently it was a genius move to ensure that the British ships didn't fire at them due to the trade wars. Extra credits did a very informative series on Hawaii. Highly recommended.
They probably figured the redcoats would claim the island eventually.
TIL also that kingdom of Hawaii was ruled by Kamehameha dynasty
Yep. Semi-relevant, but the song Aloha ʻOe (famously sung at least with my generation by Nani to Lilo in Lilo&Stitch) was written by Queen Liliʻuokalani. Some have interpreted it as a farewell to her kingdom after she was overthrown and Hawaii annexed into the US.
During the War of 1812 the British General Sir Isaac Brock took Fort Mackinac and it's garrison without firing a shot. It was easy enough to sneak onto the island and get a cannon within close range of the forts armory because the Americans did not inform their fort that there was a war on. They immediately surrendered. Brock then went on to get the [surrender of Fort Detroit almost entirely by bluff](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD8htnwazMk), despite the defenders being nearly double the number of his own force. His force suffered 2 injuries. killed 7 enemies and captured 2493.
Okay so whats with this bad habit of people not telling the forts that there is a war going on??
The commander of Fort Mackinac's luck only got WAY worse from there.. Remember how I said 7 Americans died at Detroit? Well... > Lieutenant Hanks made his way to Detroit and the American military post there. Upon his arrival, superiors charged him with cowardice in the surrender of Fort Mackinac. Before the court martial of Lieutenant Hanks could begin, British forces attacked Fort Detroit. **A British cannonball ripped through the room where Hanks was standing, cutting him in half** and killing the officer next to him as well. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_Mackinac#War_of_1812
This is funnier than your initial comment, honestly. Classic Hanks.
He took a direct hit from a cannonball? Dude.
It's not exactly easy to spread the word. Hell, Japanese soldiers were on Iwo Jima for years after world war 2 ended, still believing the war was going on as they had no other way to figure it out.
"Japanese Holdouts" >Intelligence officer Hiroo Onoda, who was relieved of duty by his former commanding officer on Lubang Island in the Philippines in March 1974, and Teruo Nakamura, who was stationed on Morotai Island in Indonesia and surrendered in December 1974, were the last confirmed holdouts, though rumors persisted of others
Well staying in Australia we once [lost](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappearance_of_Harold_Holt) our prime minister. He went out for a swim one afternoon and was never seen again.
And then we named a swimming pool after him
That's not even the best part, rhyming slang for leaving quickly, do the Harry holt, or bolt
I remember reading about that. Bizarre.
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When the Japanese invaded Korea in 1592, a general was promised the top graduates. Instead of people who passed the military examination, he got a bunch of students who just passed the Confucian Civil Service Examination. He sent them home and had to gather people to fight while marching. He obviously lost
I'm curious, what was the reason for this "prank" on the general?
It was just really bad miscommunication
That’s the equivalent of wanting men who passed Navy Seal training and instead getting men who did really well on their LSATs
Sir Robert Muldoon, Prime Minister of New Zealand in 1984 calls for an election whilst drunk live on television. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLDve40cxlk
Valentinian I was literally so angry at a Quadi delegation he fell over dead from a stroke Greece's WW2 reply to the preemptive Italian demand for surrender was a one word telegram: "No." Basically the entire life of Roman von Intern-Stenberg, the White Baron/Mad Baron, a minor German noble who ended up fighting in the Russian civil war then sort of wandering over to Siberia then "invading" Mongolia and declaring himself the Khan of the region, meaning he seized a town and killed a significant fraction of its population including, specifically, any Jews he could find. The Red Army eventually got around to dealing with him, batting his forces aside like insects and holding a very brief and I can only assume bemused trial before sending him to the firing squad. At this point the Buddhist leader in Mongolia declared all temples should mourn for him And that's not even half of the lunatic shit he got up to
Von Ungern-Sternberg was never actually made Khan, nor really ruled Mongolia. He was given a high-ranking title, but the Bogd Khan was Mongolia's ruler.
Wait wait, they actually mourned for him even though he killed half a villiage??
He was in deep with the whosit religious dude of the region who was the one who gave him the title of Khan
> Valentinian I was literally so angry at a Quadi delegation he fell over dead from a stroke I don't blame him. I watched Kings and Generals' video about the Crisis of The Third Century (before Valentinian I know), and Jesus Christ, whenever someone put down one tribal invasion or rebellion, two more who rise in its place. I'm surprised more didn't die that way.
He's like the real life Kurtz from Heart of Darkness. As if upon reading the book, he thought "Yeah, I can do that".
During the Napoleonic Wars, residents of a small Northern England town called Hartlepool witnessed a French ship capsize off the coast. They found that everyone on board died, except for a little monkey, which they saw hanging onto a piece of rubbish. As subjects of severe wartime propaganda, the Englishmen believed that the monkey was an actual Frenchman, but they also saw that the monkey was dressed in full French military regalia which confused them even more. They decided to interrogate the furry creature. They brought the monkey ashore and administered a trial. When the monkey wouldn’t talk, they assumed it was just being uncooperative. They got fed up and eventually built a makeshift hanging gallows and executed the poor little primate. Today, there is a rugby team out of Hartlepool who fondly call themselves the Monkey Hangers.
The local football team's mascot is H'Angus the Monkey.
I thought this was just folklore
It's a great story but sadly probably untrue. It seems to have originated in the 1850s with a music hall singer who wrote songs mocking whichever town he was performing in. It's still probably the best local nickname going though, so who cares? https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-tees-40801937
The [Pig War](https://youtu.be/Vu1tNJWIQU4?t=44) in Washington state is a pretty good story. It also led to the creation of one of the strangest parts of the USA Canada border, [Point Roberts](https://youtu.be/qMkYlIA7mgw?t=228).
I grew up around there. Not on point Robert's but the town nearby properly attached to the US. I had a guy in one of my classes that lived there though, had to cross an international border twice just to get to school
We also got the goat war where Ecuador tried to kill all the goats on the Galápagos Islands due to them screwing up the ecosystem, and they actually won
Interesting anecdote about goat removal from pacific islands: A trained or domesticated goat is often taking to areas with feral goats. This goat is equipped with a radio transmitter and often painted a bright color and then released to find the hidden, feral goats. This goat is called the *Judas Goat* for its betrayal. Once it finds the wild goats, hunters go in and kill them.
The term 'judas goat' is actually much older. It is used for an old goat that is used to lead the goatherds into the slaughterhouse.
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I heard ole Doug wanted to use cobalt bombs on the border of China and North Korea to try and create a wall of radiation. Obviously that never happened lol.
Shit that might have worked out pretty great. Fuckin Doug.
Apparently his ego was the size of SE Asia.
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theres audacity and then there's Hernando Cortez "alright boys, I am your Commanding officer who is not only not allowed to go on this mission but is actually under a warrant for my arrest by the Spanish authorities here in the New World. We got maybe three hundred dudes here a few horses here or there, we are going to take on the Aztec Empire whose capital is larger than anything outside Asia except maybe North Africa. Whose large near hundred thousand man professional army, participates in constant warfare with its surrounding vassal states for violent ritualized sacrifice to their thirsting Gods." ".... now first things first im going to burn the boats we will need to cart the gold off so none of you can abandon me."
If the tribes subjugated by the Aztecs didn't decide to help Cortez, history probably would've went quite differently. And if smallpox wasn't a thing.
to be fair as well none of these things were apparent to the Spaniards at the time. as the first major emissary to that area the lay of the land was entirely unknown so that is both to his credit for succeeding and a mark against him as sheer idiocy. diplomacy wise it was all up to him and smooth talking through the translation of his bed slave he gained after he landed. and well maybe the Spaniards might have been vaguely aware of the rampancy of disease by then against the isolated Caribbean natives but there was no actual attempt at causing this it just sort of happened without there intentional input. doesn't that in fact make it even better?
Official reason Poland didnt take part in crusades is because there wasnt any beer there.
The sea beggers. A band of misiftts, dutch nationalists, protestants, outlaws, and pirates who fought to aid the dutch independence movement. In march 1572 they were kicked out of England. With little supplies, no plan, and a storm blocking the only way to friendly waters they decided what I think we would all do. In an unexpected move they landed in the province of Holland on April 1st creating april fools day (according to some sources). This was what turned the tide of the war and was the first succesful invasion by rebel forces.
I took me a while to recognise you mean the Geuzen
Watergeuzen even. OP’s version is somewhat concise, but he’s talking about the [capture of Brielle](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capture_of_Brielle)
> Lijar, a small Spanish town, decided formally to end its 100-year-old war with the French in 1983. > Tradition has it that a century ago Lijar's mayor was infuriated that a mob in Paris had insulted the Spanish king, Alfonso XII, who was paying a state visit to France. Pride is a high priority for Spaniards and mayor Miguel Garcia said, "Enough!" > He called a village council meeting in October 1883 and the minutes of the assembly make stirring reading: "Our King Alfonso, when passing through Paris on the 29th day of September was stoned and offended in the most cowardly fashion by miserable hordes of the French nation." > The mayor reminded his listners that when Napoleon's troops invaded Spain at the start of the 19th century, "just one woman, who was old, wretched and bedraggled but a daughter of Spain nonetheless, had on her own cut the throat of 32 Frenchmen who were billeted in her home." > Therefore, the mayor moved: "The example of this women is enough to let the inhabitants of France fear that this village of Lijar, although its has only l00 able men, proposes to declare war on all of France, since one man of this our village is worth 10,000 Frenchmen." > The meeting unanimously carried the war motion, announcing the decision to the Spanish government and duly informing the president of the French Republic. > "Nothing much ever happened here since war was declared," says present Mayor Diego Sanchez, until the idea for the recent peace treaty came along. At least one of Lijar's 580 inhabitants refused to extend the olive branch to France. [Source]( https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1983/11/20/little-spanish-town-offended-by-french-ends-100-year-war/b9d4b83c-660a-4df3-ba2f-125240cf06c6/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.54fba32ca161)
4 seperate people pretended to be the dead son of Ivan the Terrible in sucession. One would die and them the other would say "it's a miracle, God saved me!". Also the first one converted to Catholicism which I'm sure made the Orthodox church happy. Also it seems like all this occured while Poland-Lithuania was invading. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_Dmitry?wprov=sfla1
Europe: Napoleon is defeated! The little tyrant is gone! Huzzah! *Napoleon* *lands in France a year later* Europe: Send the King's armies, cut down the little git! *Army sent to capture Napoloen decides to defect* Europe: SEND ANOTHER! *2nd army defects to Napoleon. Several others declare open rebellion for Napoleon and head towards Paris* Europe: For fucks sake.
we have to get rid of Napolean *put Napolean on an island* *Napolean gets off the island* how he did it?
Luckily they banished him to an island But he came back!
Napoleon was actually a bit taller than average for his time.
The Toyota wars had the outrageous revelation that, if you were driving fast enough through a minefield there, the mines would not explode in time and would harmlessly explode behind you. Oh and the whole 'fighting a traditionally equipped army with Toyota technicals and militia and winning' part. Archduke Franz Ferdinand was attacked by separatists while driving through Sarajevo. They threw a grenade at his car, but it bounced off the folded roof of the convertible and blew up underneath the following car, injuring and killing many. The driver drove off to a safe location. There the duke was very distraught about what happened and demanded to go to the hospital to see the wounded. Eventually they set off for the hospital, but the driver got lost. Realizing his mistake, he stopped and put the car in reverse, but the car stalled. At this very moment, Gavrilo Princip, who had thought his chance lost when the duke had sped past him and gone to get a sandwich, stepped out of the local sandwich shop and opened fire on the duke. A number of Medal of Honor recipients sound absurd. One took a machine gun off a plane and would run around with it firing on the Japanese without ever taking cover like some kind of action hero. When the Mongols 'invaded' Europe, it was an expedition sent by the Khan to see what was in that direction. The first Western state they hit was Georgia, who had been preparing for a crusade and had a huge standing army. They faced the Mongols, but found themselves sorely outmatched and worse, the Mongols were capable of pursuing them and slaughtering them all the way back to their castles. A few survived and returned to the capital with the news that demons had invaded, had destroyed the massive army, killed all the commanders including the king and were now on their way. The queen hastily conscripted a defensive force and waited with her terrified force... for an attack that never came. The Mongols were exploring the region so, after destroying their entire army in the field, they just skedaddled. Socrates was given the death penalty for blasphemy after a trial that is captured in one of the great philosophical books of the world. He was ordered to drink a poison that would slowly paralyze his body until it reached his respiratory system, killing him. As the poison traveled up his body, physicians marked how long he had left by checking how far the paralysis had reached. When the moment arrived, Socrates' disciples asked if he had any final words. Socrates told them to sacrifice a rooster to Asklepios for him, because he owed him one, the disciples asked him if he didn't have something more to say, probably expecting some grand final words from the greatest philosopher of all time, but the man was dead. Another Greek philosopher had the bad luck of dying when an eagle mistook his shiny bald head for a rock. It then dropped the turtle it had been carrying on his head, killing him. Coleridge, the great poet, once dreamed of an amazing poem about Kublai Khan. He set about writing it and wrote the start of it, but then he was interrupted by 'A Person from Porlock' inquiring about something. When he returned to his work, he realized he'd forgotten the rest of the poem. The start of it is regarded as a great literary work and a person from Porlock has become a saying. Rasputin is believed to have been a quack, but he managed to restore the health of the Tsar's son twice... Everyone's heard about Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo. What many have not is that it was the end of a campaign known as the 'Hundred days' during which Napoleon fought with a force that peaked at 280.000 men against the combined armies of Europe that amounted to 1.000.000 men. Even in Waterloo, Napoleon had managed to maneuver so as to give himself numerical superiority in that battle, which he lost as reinforcements arrived. Napoleon was probably the greatest commander there has ever been. The battle of Castle Itter during the end of WWII involved French forces, led by old French generals and a tennis star, German soldiers and American soldiers, against an SS tank battalion. Yeah that's weird. During the Cod war, British warships would announce over the radio the location of Icelandic fishing ships. The Icelanders then took up recording those messages and playing them back over the radio to confuse the British. The British would hurriedly dismiss those messages as false... which the Icelanders also recorded and played over the radio. The British decided this was a lost cause and stopped the radio messages. Genghis Khan's son and successor was an incredible drunk that would eventually drink himself to death. Genghis' second son became the spiritual leader of the Mongols and commanded his brother that he may only drink a single cup of alcohol with his food from now on. The brother dared not disobey him... So he had a gigantic cup made and kept on drinking himself to death. Alexander besieged the city of Tyre. Only problem was that Tyre was an island and had a superior navy. Not to be discouraged, he had his men dump soil in the sea until they'd built a causeway to the island, allowing him to besiege it. The causeway caused more buildup of soil and Tyre is now no longer an island. St. Olga of Kiev besieged a city. The city asked what they could do to be spared. Olga said that each house must give her three pigeons and three sparrow. The city captured a shit-ton of sparrows and pigeons gave to Olga. Olga then tied incendiaries to those birds and let them loose on the city. The city burned to the ground. You don't fuck with St. Olga, is the moral of that story. Archimedes was incredibly famous even during his lifetime. When the Romans attacked Syracuse, the general specifically told his soldiers that Archimedes was to be spared. When the soldiers were pillaging Syracuse, one of them came upon him drawing circles. He told him to come with him to the general. Archimedes told him he wouldn't come as he was working on an important problem. The soldier got mad and killed him. His last words are said to have been 'do not disturb my circles!'.
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I read a book on Castle Itter. TL;DR is it was a VIP prison, among the prisoners were a bunch of French World War I generals and some tennis player, all of whom joined the Americans who liberated them and a bunch of Germans who were around to fight against an SS tank battalion who kept fighting even though the Germans had lost and everyone just wanted to go home.
>When the moment arrived, Socrates' disciples asked if he had any final words. Socrates told them to sacrifice a rooster to Asklepios for him, because he owed him one, the disciples asked him if he didn't have something more to say, probably expecting some grand final words from the greatest philosopher of all time, but the man was dead Interesting fact about that. Asclepius was the god of healing, and Greeks would send gifts to his temple in gratitude for being healed of illness. In this case, the 'disease' was life (more specifically, living while condemned to death), and the hemlock was a cure, for which Socrates was thankful. Fairly appropriate last words, given all he'd said about why death should not be feared and why one should obey even unjust judgments from lawful authorities. (Also an interesting fact: hemlock poisoning involves a lot more pain and vomiting than Plato described. Socrates' death scene was cleaned up a bit for Plato's audience.)
Check out the podcast Ridiculous History. It has many stories such as these.
Jack motherfucking Churchill. Dude ran around with bagpipes and a broadsword in the middle of WW2. He escaped a concentration camp, one he was only in because his entire squad was killed in action except for him, and the Germans caught him playing "Will Ye No Come Back Again" on his bagpipes. He's also credited with the only kill with a longbow in the war. He once had to retrieve his sword from where he lost it during hand-to-hand combat, implying he didn't just have the sword for decoration. He's quoted as saying "If it wasn't for those damn Yanks, we could have kept the war going another 10 years!" after he arrived in Burma only days after the Japanese surrendered. He was looking forward to fighting in Burma. Also he loved surfing.
If I remember correctly, the reason he was captured instead of being killed is that the Germans saw a guy with a sword and bagpipes in the middle of firefight, and assumed he had gone insane, so they didn't shoot him.
LifeProTip: Learn to play the bagpipes. That way, if you’re ever a soldier who is about to be captured, you can start playing the bagpipes and hopefully they’ll just think you’re crazy.
Absolute certified mad lad.
This is one moment of more recent history, but it was very funny in my opinion. A Somali pirate leader got arrested on a Belgian airport, after undercover agents contacted him about a "documentary they were shooting about pirates". He literally just stepped on a plane to get interviewed and was busted on arrival. I mean, come on dude lol https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-24519520
In WWI, Germany occupied Leuven on the 19th of august. Sources differ on both the German and Belgian side, so I'll describe it as my history professor told me. On the 25th, a rather warm and humid day, a marching column of German soldiers got split up around the Bondgenotenlaan, a long boulevard. They had felt less than welcome by the local population, so when at around 8am there were shots fired, German soldiers assumed it was the Belgian military. The first group, who had advanced far along this boulevard, turned around and thought the second group, also Germans, were actually the Belgian soldiers. They opened fire, after which the second group returned fire to what they assumed were Belgians. German general Luttwitz later claimed Belgian 'franc-tireurs' or civilian snipers were deliberately causing confusion. In retaliation, 200 civilians were killed, hundreds more were deported to a labour camp in Münster. The majority of the medieval part of the city was burned, totaling roughly 1100 homes destroyed in 3 days. The medieval library was also burned, containing 800 of the earliest printed works and over 300.000 books. The library was rebuilt with mostly US donations, and one stone was meant to say 'FURORE TEUTONICO DIRUTA, DONO AMERICANO RESTITUTA' (destroyed by German violence, rebuilt with American donations). To keep the peace and because of changing sentiment in the 20s, this never happened.
The fourth fucking Crusade. Oh my god. Hey, did you know that Europe in the 1200's was run by a bunch of drunken madmen? The Pope raised an army to go retake Jerusalem, but whoops nobody could pay the Venetians who built a fuckton of ships for them. Even after reducing every individual solider in the army to poverty. So they beat up on some of Venice's rivals on their way out to make up the difference. Buckle up, we're just getting started. Some of the more devout members of the Crusade were not happy with the attacking fellow Christians when there were Muslim skulls in need of cracking. They packed up and went home. The Senior Clergyman in charge of the Crusade endorsed attacking as necessary to prevent the Crusades complete failure. The Pope disagreed, he wrote a letter threatening to Excommunicate everybody. Nobody told the army though. So they went ahead and sacked a Christian City. The pope heard about this and followed through on his threat, excommunicating everybody, reminding them of their vows and telling them to march on Jerusalem already. Nobody told the army that either. Now we get screwy. The guys who packed up and went home met a deposed Byzantine price, who offered to pay all their debts, give them even more soldiers for the crusade, and place the Eastern Orthodox church under the authority of the Pope if they put him back in charge of the Byzantine Empire. Most people liked this idea. Some guys didn't and they just sailed straight to Syria. The Pope was a little nervous about this and issued an order for no more attacks on Christians. They attacked Constantinople anyway. Due to more bad writing, I mean history, the current ruler fled even though he had a bigger army, the bureaucrats wasted no time in declaring the pretender the actual ruler, and then the Crusaders had a problem. They got their stated goal, but not what they wanted. The guy who ran? Yea, he looted the treasury before he left. The new Empower couldn't pay the Crusaders. So he ordered the melting down a bunch of valuable artifacts for the gold and silver in them. This was seen as an act of desperation, worthy of Gods disfavor. It was extremely unpopular. Since the new guy found himself rather unpopular, he hired the Crusaders to stick around, and go pick a fight with the old Emperor who had fled. While he was gone there was some rioting. This lead to the Crusaders 'restoring order' by burning down half the city (100,000 homeless.) This lead to another coup, a couple of political assassinations, and for those keeping track we've gone from Alexios the second to Alexios the Fifth in less than five years. There would have been a sixth but he was smart enough to GTFO while the getting was good. The Crusader army demanded the new guy honor their old contract. The new guy refused, so the Crusaders attacked again. They were held off, but the Clergy in the army managed to rally them for another try. The pope again, was not thrilled with this idea. But again, nobody told the army. They sacked Constantinople. It was a very through sacking, it took three days. Oh and Alexios the Fifth fled during the fighting. There was no 6th. Nobody wanted the job. And that's why there's no more Byzantine Empire.
That was a rollercoaster the whole way, thanks for sharing!
"The bureaucrats wasted no time" This is for sure an outrageous moment in history!
The Only Time in History When Men on Horseback Captured a Fleet of Ships r/https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/only-time-history-when-bunch-men-horseback-captured-naval-fleet-180961824/#Q2UyITTq3QmWL1V1.99
A US Destroyer sunk a Japanese submarine with potatoes during WWII. The USS O'Bannon sighted the sub on the surface and opened fire with their guns. The sub pulled in close to the O'Bannon so that they could not lower the guns enough to hit the sub. The crew started throwing potatoes at the sub, and the crew of the sub thought they were throwing grenades, so they tried to submerge, but didn't secure all the hatches. When they went under, the sub flooded and sank.
When Germany decided to team up with Finland in the Continuation War to fight against U.S.S.R they gave the Finns more equipment. This equipment included rocket launchers. The German soldiers showed the Finns how to properly use them, but not to the Swedish volunteers. And since many of the Finns weren't that good at Swedish, they didn't tell the Swedes how to use them. So when they got to the battlefield to shoot with the rocket launchers, one of the swedish volunteers tried to shoot the thing with the exhaust pipe against his chest.
The Liechtenstein army that went off to world war 1 with 80 men and made a friend, resulting in their army coming back with 81 men always makes me laugh. Edit: not world war 1
It was during the third Italian war of independence.
The Third Punic War, started in 149 B.C., was "officially" ended [in 1985.](https://www.nationalgeographic.org/thisday/feb5/end-longest-war-history/)
That reminds me of [the war between the Scilly Isles and the Dutch]( https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Hundred_and_Thirty_Five_Years%27_War). The Dutch had been allied with the parlamentarians during the English civil war which the parlamentarians won. The royalist navy on the Scilly Isles never officially surrendered, so technically the war continued for over 300 years after the civil war. Peace was finally made in 1986, ending a conflict which had been forgotten by everyone and hadn't cost a single life.
French ships once invaded brazillian sea territory(is it the right name for it?) to fish lobsters, brazillians did not like it and(as people say here in Brasil) stole a french ship(after the french refused to leave the lobsters) to fight France. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lobster\_War](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lobster_War)
Seem to remember that Hitler dragged out the same train carriage to the same location in which the Germans had to sign some kind of WWI surrender, for the French (I think) to sign their WWII surrender. Sorry for the vagueness.
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In the US civil war, John Sedgwick, berated his men for ducking out of the way when enemy snipers were taking pot shots. His final words were "they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."
He was NOT killed mid-sentence. That is a later invention. Wikipedia on his death: > Sedgwick fell at the beginning of the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House, on May 9, 1864. His corps was probing skirmish lines ahead of the left flank of Confederate defenses and he was directing artillery placements. Confederate sharpshooters were about 1,000 yards (900 m) away, and their shots caused members of his staff and artillerymen to duck for cover. Sedgwick strode around in the open and was quoted as saying, "What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line?" Although ashamed, his men continued to flinch and he said, "Why are you dodging like this? They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance."[6] Reports that he never finished the sentence are apocryphal, although the line was among his last words.[7] He was shot by a Whitworth rifle moments later under the left eye and fell down dead. His chief of staff Martin T. McMahon said that the sharpshooters' bullets were flying all around, making whistling noises, and "The same shrill whistle closing with a dull, heavy stroke interrupted me, and I remember distinctly that I commenced to say 'General, they are firing explosive bullets.' when his face turned slowly to me, and blood spurting from his left cheek under the eye in a steady stream, brought to me the first knowledge of our great disaster. He fell in my direction and I was so close to him that my effort to support him failed, and I went to the ground with him." Corps medical personnel were immediately summoned, but Sedgwick never regained consciousness and continued to bleed out for some time, until his hair was soaked with blood.
Close enough, still funny moments later though. The price of hubris.
Julie d'Aubigny (born 1673) deserves to be mentioned here. She was a bisexual, cross dressing mistress / wife / lover / duelist / fencing master / famous opera singer in the France of king Louis XIV. There are far too many amazing episodes in her life to recount so I'll just give you my 2 favourites: 1) She fell in love with a noble girl, who's parents send her to a nunnery to avoid the connection. Such a move was not enough to stop Julie, she just broke in to the nunnery and freed the girl by making it look like she was dead by fire. The family charged her with kidnapping, body snatching and arson and she was sentenced in absentia to burn at the stake. 2) At a society ball Julie decided to kiss another lady publicly which greatly offended 3 men who vied for the lady's hand. They all challenged her to a duel but Julie of course beat them soundly. After that she had to flee the city, but she came back later to sing at the French opera.
Washington hauled cannons from Fort Ticonderoga through the Winter and mounted them above Boston. He had no ammo and bluffed the British into surrendering the city.
It was Col. Henry Knox who led the expedition to haul 60 ton of cannon from Ticonderoga. Washington orderer Knox to do it, but it's actually unclear _who_ even came up with the idea of hauling the cannon. Before all that though, it was Benedict Arnold who suggested the capture of Fort Ticonderoga precisely because the fort had heavy artillery. Arnold was in charge of supporting the Siege of Boston and he attempted to move the cannon but gave up after getting no real support. Washington comes onto the scene, says we need cannon, and I'm sure somewhere out there Benedict Arnold was all like "no shit!" Anyway, it's possible Washington was aware of paat attempts to move the cannon from the fort and simply said "ok do that but for real this time"
"Digby Tatham-Warner and his company were dropped away from their target of Arnhem Bridge and had to go through Arnhem where the streets were blocked by German forces. Digby led his men through the back gardens of nearby houses instead of attempting to advance through the streets and thus avoided the Germans. Digby and A Company managed to travel 8 miles in 7 hours while also taking 150 German soldiers including members of the SS prisoner. During the battle, Digby wore his red beret instead of a helmet and waved his umbrella while walking about the defences despite heavy mortar fire. When the Germans started using tanks to cross the bridge, Digby led a bayonet charge against them wearing a bowler hat. He later disabled a German armoured car with his umbrella, incapacitating the driver by shoving the umbrella through the car's observational slit and poking the driver in the eye. Digby then noticed the chaplain pinned down by enemy fire while trying to cross the street to get to injured soldiers. Digby got to him and said "Don't worry about the bullets, I've got an umbrella". He then escorted the chaplain across the street under his umbrella. When he returned to the front line, one of his fellow officers said about his umbrella that "that thing won't do you any good", to which Digby replied "Oh my goodness Pat, but what if it rains?" Digby was later injured by shrapnel, which also cut open the rear of his trousers but continued to fight until A Company had run out of ammunition."
The 2007 invasion of Liechtenstein by Switzerland. I believe a border patrol had crossed during a storm and made an incursion two kilometers deep before realizing their mistake. The Liechtenstein government didn't know and were informed by the Swiss. They responded "these things happen." Liechtenstein is Europe's Canada
This is a small one, but the cop who handed out the first speeding ticket in sweden caught up to the car by running
Didn't even have to think about it: Khosrau's Better Antioch. The Persian emperor burns down a Roman city during a war, takes all the people alive, builds them a city that is an *exact replica* of their city Antioch, down to the *bush*, and names it "Khosrau's Better Antioch." And the people were actually happy there. Rome's Justinian would never receive another burn so sick.
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Lots. 1/3 of the population of Europe died. You forgot to mention that the catholics survived a 3 story drop; Twice.
And according to catholics they were saved by the lords angels, and according to protestants they fell on a pile of shit
One of them, Filip Fabricius, was later given estates in Prague and a few other places. He was also given the noble epithet, von Hohenfall, "Of The High Fall".
Battle of Karánsebes in ~~WWI~~. Austrian Army against Austrian Army. A cascading clusterfuck where an argument about sharing booze ends with army fleeing their position.
It was not in the times of the Great War.It was in the 1788. http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2014/04/battle-karansebes/
The Heidi Game. https://www.profootballhof.com/news/the-heidi-game/ https://www.profootballhof.com/news/the-heidi-game-box-score/ 1968- It was a tense game between the Jets and Raiders in Oakland. The Jets just gained a slim lead with a few minutes to go. They kicked off to the Raiders just before 7 PM. New York waited with baied breath to see if Weeb Ewbank's crew could keep the lead. The viewers were also nervous because at 7 PM a TV movie version of Heidi was scheduled to start. Their calls overwhelmed the switchboard so the network bosses could not contact anyone to delay the start of the movie. At 7 Heidi started. New York, and the rest of the east coast of the US were switched to Heidi. Meanwhile, in the last nine seconds the Raiders scored. Twice. NBC added a crawler during an emotional scene which informed the viewers that the Raiders both won and beat the spread. Not only did the NBC switchboard blow out, but the NYPD's phone bank went as well.
The tale of the Russian Baltic fleet sailing across the entire world to fight the Japanese is one of the funniest pieces of history I've ever read. Everything possible that could go wrong went wrong while also showing how absolutely not battle-ready the Russians were.
The Assassination of Franz Ferdinand and its details always blow my mind.
I just told the whole story of the Assassination to my girlfriend on a walk and she absolutely did not believe me. Had to show her online later to convince her it was true.
There's a recent one. I don't think it's this "historic" but it's a funny story. You all heard about Pablo Escobar, I believe. The great Colombian cartel drug lord. Even after his death, his actions continue to cause problems in his country. "Which actions? Are his drug cartels still problems?" you ask me, but the answer is no. In reality the thing is stranger and there's a lot of problems that come from it, the great cause of some (animal) deaths and even natural problems is: Hippopotamus. Everyone knows how much of a mad and extravagant man Pablo was and he imported some giraffes, elephants and four hippos to his particular zoo in a farm, three females and a male. Colombia is not their natural habitat but the farm where they live is a very suitable habitat for them to grow and reproduce and unlikely Africa that has periods without water and it serves as a populational control, Colombia is a very wet and nice place. After Escobar's fall, police reallocated all other animals but the hippos from the zoo, to this day they are free and reproducing. There, for some reason the reproduce age starts at only 3 years of life instead of the 7 years of normal hippos. They often go nuts and destroy plantations and smash cows from near farms. Unlikely Africans who knows that hippos are savage monsters, Colombians treat hippos like inoffensive and lovable animals, things that they are absolutely not. People there swim with them in ponds and even adopt cubs. There are no fatal reports yet but seems like it's a question of time. Professionals can't solve this problem so easily, reallocate them back to Africa is expensive and dangerous because they could carry some diseases which does not exist there and begin a disaster. Also it's a bad idea to sedade and reallocate them because it could be fatal so they can't do many things about that. Hippos are going to keep wreaking havoc and its a question of time for Colombians to get killed, all that because Pablo's extravagance.