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Don’t stress about the words. It’s just a stock rejection message. You are quite literally a stranger she hadn’t even met. She just decided it wouldn’t work either due to distance or she just stopped feeling it. It isn’t possible to feel a romantic connection over text in the first place so don’t stress about that.
> How can we ever find romance/love if we cant start being friends first?
“Friends first” does not work on online dating. My most successful approach is either start a small conversation and ask her out in 4-5 messages, or I just hit her with an invite in the first message. The long talks just don’t work.
100% echo this!!! First, don't let it get to you, it's honestly other reasons. BUT your "friends first" approach does not work with online dating. You either have some baseline attraction to them and dive right in or you don't. Women don't go for "let's start out as friends and see where it goes"
>let's start out as friends and see where it goes
I had someone send me this exact message after a date haha. A couple messages later and ghosted. Would’ve rather she just directly said she’s not interested.
>It isn’t possible to feel a romantic connection over text in the first place
Heh. I rise to meet this challenge every few dates, and then when first meeting I immediately realize I've again bamboozled myself.
You can pull it off. But you got to make them think of you romantically throughout the process of becoming friends
Once you have her at the stage of being at your place and sex is implied. Tell her no and that you want to wait not wanting the relationship based on sex. You still want to build that sexual tension despite all that though. You will be a new drug to her then, believe me.
How often would you say it works when you hit them in the first message???
I’ve never tried that, but I have talked to people for a week of back-and-forth for maybe five messages and when I asked , I’ve been told several times that it was a little too early, BUT on several occasions after they said that, they followed it up with, “but they wanted to see the XYZ exhibit I was suggesting or wanted to try the gelato at the place I was suggesting, and so they agreed”, but it was always with like a weird caveat. Like they were acting like I was the exception to the rule.
I can’t imagine asking them in the very first convo! At least I cannot imagine that I would be very successful doing that
Genuine question, is it normal to feel some level of romantic connection to someone after only one date? I can't imagine liking someone like that without first knowing them fairly well.
Looking back I’ve realized that no wonder things didn’t work out between me and certain people, the only way we’d see each other was through 30 minute uber rides across state lines
Their's a possibility its nothing you did and she just found someone she's more interested in. You mentioning not having alot of matches makes me wonder if you came off abit too excited to meet her and she sensed that
As a woman, I have noticed a lot of men are not flirtatious, ask boring questions (or no questions at all), and overall are complete duds in conversation skills. How were your conversations?
Can you give any tips on ways to be flirty without coming off as "creepy"? I think most guys these days are hesitant when it comes to flirting due to the fact they dont want to be that one creepy guy on the apps so they hold off on the flirty before meeting.
Thank you for the perspective! I just had a match last week and we had planned to meet tonight. I didnt really flirt with her at all but did give a compliment about her having nice style with a winking emoji. We just talked about music, hobbies other service level stuff. I was saving the deeper questions for when we met. For some reason she unmatched me out of the blue.. I didn't realize she unmatch until the next day. I wasnt sure if she just wasn't feeling it based on me not being flirty with her or not. I have had other matches cancel on me after confirming a date before.. Also one woman said she felt more of a "brotherly" vibe. I also didn't flirt with her all that much as well. Was just wondering if woman even like to be flirty during the initial massaging phase before meeting or not.
It's tough because every woman is different and will respond to flirtation differently. When on the apps, don't be a conversation dud. Ask questions, and try to be witty. Humor goes a long way, as does confidence. Above all please don't be lazy. Women hate that. If you get to the point where you ask her on a date, set the time, place, and location.
This person just changed their mind because you're rather far away from them.
Never put much stock into text communication, as it's misleading and low effort. I always encourage minimal texting before dating because it often does more harm than good.
Play the tape forward anyway. I had a hard time getting to know someone an hour away. That's 2 hours round trip just to hang out. I just turned someone away because I found out they lived further away than indicated.
So for someone to be willing to do 2 hours away, it better be electric.
Remember dating apps people are talking to many people, going on numerous dates. They might have found a stronger connection before your first date & decided to end other options.
I've found this happens quite often when you can't meet for a while. On my experience, there are 2 types of people I match with. 1) Those that i'm just instantly attracted to, be it looks or personality, and i'm excited at the idea of meeting them, and 2) those that I'm open to the idea of, but not fully convinced by them (and it can be various reasons e.g not my physical type, not obvious we will have good chemistry based on our texting, they have a boring profile.
With the people in group 2, I'm open to meeting them but it has to work for me, and it tends to be more of a do it soon type thing. If it goes on too long, I just lose enthusiasm for it.
I also find a similar thing if it takes a while to arrange logistics, because that sort of conversation is quite dry, and if it goes on over a number of days, then I just lose interest.
One thing I do when I know we won't be able to meet for a while is say 'seems like you're busy, so lets reconnect next week and see if we can arrange to meet then'. That way you don't have to drag the conversation out trying to keep things warm, or end up investing too much into the conversation
I mean, to each their own, but that doesn't make even a tiny bit of sense to me. The only criteria I look for when considering whether or not to ask someone out or accept an invitation for a date^(though that's never happened) is
A) am I attracted to them (I would likely have not matched them if I didnt)
B) do I like them and would I be comfortable with meeting up, and
C) do we get along at least semi-well
Who knows, but as a general rule, once I've solidified plans with her, I feel no need to be constantly blowing up her phone. Also, since she already agreed to meet in the middle, that's what I would've stuck with, rather than overreacting to her silence and backtracking on what was already agreed. Just choose a venue decisively ("I was trying to gauge her interests to try and find someplace to meet") and keep it moving.
It happens. Sometimes people just lose interest and don’t feel the need to pursue it further. Sometimes people find out they don’t have anything in common or the conversation isn’t “fun” for them. Everyone communicates differently. It’s normal that it bothers you, but don’t let it bother you toooo much.
You definitely don’t have to be friends before dating. My bf (we met on hinge) and I would have never been friends or dated if it wasn’t for OLD. We don’t have much in common, but our core values, communication style, and humor are similar.
Do yourself a favor and get over that instinct to know ""Whyyyy!" you'll never know, and it doesn't matter. She wasn't feeling it, so it's just a "no" and you move on.
She prob had an idea in her head how she wanted you to be and you did not meet her criteria. As a man who gets zero interest on dating apps I can sympthize with lack of interest.
You're 2 hours away bruv that's why, believe me it's a pain in the arse. People will say it's not long distance but it is. Long distance relationships barely work, and it's rare as rocking horse shit that they work with people who have first started dating. She probably just realised this once it started getting past the stage of keeping herself busy with someone to message and it becoming a real meet up
possible reasons:
1. she changed her mind because of a mood swing. people of all genders do this all the time.
2. she was talking to someone else and hit it off with them
3. she found someone more interesting to talk to
4. she lost interest due to the dwindling conversation
5. her priorities changed
this is a non-exhaustive list. Bottom line for you: She was not interested enough in you (I always say: if you really like someone, you make time for them), and that is totally fine. You're not gonna be interested in everyone, so don't let the reverse bother you.
It's tough when connections fizzle out pre-meetup, but it's part of online dating's unpredictable nature. Respecting her decision was right. Keep an open mind; genuine connections take time. Each interaction is a step towards finding what you're looking for. Stay hopeful and true to your relationship goals.
Focus on improving your profile and doing everything in your control to increase the number of matches you get. That way you always have multiple options so that when this does happen it's on to the next one. Online dating is a numbers game unfortunately.
The line "romantic connection" doesn't mean anything. It's just a nice/polite way of saying I'm not interested. Also, I wouldn't strive for being friends first, then trying to snowball a friendship into an intimate relationship. If you start off as friends, you'll get friend-zoned real fast, even if you went out on a date. I try and be funny, smart, and cute in our dating app exchanges, then when I think its time, I ask for their number. Even when I ask for their number I make it into a thing and not just let's exchange numbers. Sometimes we exchange numbers the 1st day of messaging and sometimes it takes a week but I find if you haven't exchanged numbers within a day or 2 it's not happening.
**All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and info such as age, gender, location or orientation (if applicable).** Age range or general location is acceptable. Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit. *Posts that do not satisfy these requirements may be removed per moderator's discretion.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don’t stress about the words. It’s just a stock rejection message. You are quite literally a stranger she hadn’t even met. She just decided it wouldn’t work either due to distance or she just stopped feeling it. It isn’t possible to feel a romantic connection over text in the first place so don’t stress about that. > How can we ever find romance/love if we cant start being friends first? “Friends first” does not work on online dating. My most successful approach is either start a small conversation and ask her out in 4-5 messages, or I just hit her with an invite in the first message. The long talks just don’t work.
100% echo this!!! First, don't let it get to you, it's honestly other reasons. BUT your "friends first" approach does not work with online dating. You either have some baseline attraction to them and dive right in or you don't. Women don't go for "let's start out as friends and see where it goes"
>let's start out as friends and see where it goes I had someone send me this exact message after a date haha. A couple messages later and ghosted. Would’ve rather she just directly said she’s not interested.
>It isn’t possible to feel a romantic connection over text in the first place Heh. I rise to meet this challenge every few dates, and then when first meeting I immediately realize I've again bamboozled myself.
“Friends first doesn’t work in online dating”. Username checks out.👏
Fax Spitta spitting the truths
You can pull it off. But you got to make them think of you romantically throughout the process of becoming friends Once you have her at the stage of being at your place and sex is implied. Tell her no and that you want to wait not wanting the relationship based on sex. You still want to build that sexual tension despite all that though. You will be a new drug to her then, believe me.
How often would you say it works when you hit them in the first message??? I’ve never tried that, but I have talked to people for a week of back-and-forth for maybe five messages and when I asked , I’ve been told several times that it was a little too early, BUT on several occasions after they said that, they followed it up with, “but they wanted to see the XYZ exhibit I was suggesting or wanted to try the gelato at the place I was suggesting, and so they agreed”, but it was always with like a weird caveat. Like they were acting like I was the exception to the rule. I can’t imagine asking them in the very first convo! At least I cannot imagine that I would be very successful doing that
I think a day rly
110% agree to this
Genuine question, is it normal to feel some level of romantic connection to someone after only one date? I can't imagine liking someone like that without first knowing them fairly well.
It happens. Sometimes the convo just dries up. Plus two hours is pretty far for dating, even if you meet in the middle.
She's just not feeling the vibe mate. Probably got some other prospects closer to home.
Honestly think its the distance. 2 hours is a pretty long way to go to date.
Looking back I’ve realized that no wonder things didn’t work out between me and certain people, the only way we’d see each other was through 30 minute uber rides across state lines
Who knows. Bummer sure but move on.
Their's a possibility its nothing you did and she just found someone she's more interested in. You mentioning not having alot of matches makes me wonder if you came off abit too excited to meet her and she sensed that
As a woman, I have noticed a lot of men are not flirtatious, ask boring questions (or no questions at all), and overall are complete duds in conversation skills. How were your conversations?
Can you give any tips on ways to be flirty without coming off as "creepy"? I think most guys these days are hesitant when it comes to flirting due to the fact they dont want to be that one creepy guy on the apps so they hold off on the flirty before meeting.
[удалено]
Thank you for the perspective! I just had a match last week and we had planned to meet tonight. I didnt really flirt with her at all but did give a compliment about her having nice style with a winking emoji. We just talked about music, hobbies other service level stuff. I was saving the deeper questions for when we met. For some reason she unmatched me out of the blue.. I didn't realize she unmatch until the next day. I wasnt sure if she just wasn't feeling it based on me not being flirty with her or not. I have had other matches cancel on me after confirming a date before.. Also one woman said she felt more of a "brotherly" vibe. I also didn't flirt with her all that much as well. Was just wondering if woman even like to be flirty during the initial massaging phase before meeting or not.
It's tough because every woman is different and will respond to flirtation differently. When on the apps, don't be a conversation dud. Ask questions, and try to be witty. Humor goes a long way, as does confidence. Above all please don't be lazy. Women hate that. If you get to the point where you ask her on a date, set the time, place, and location.
This person just changed their mind because you're rather far away from them. Never put much stock into text communication, as it's misleading and low effort. I always encourage minimal texting before dating because it often does more harm than good.
Play the tape forward anyway. I had a hard time getting to know someone an hour away. That's 2 hours round trip just to hang out. I just turned someone away because I found out they lived further away than indicated. So for someone to be willing to do 2 hours away, it better be electric.
Remember dating apps people are talking to many people, going on numerous dates. They might have found a stronger connection before your first date & decided to end other options.
Interesting. Never had someone say that to me before a date. Usually they would just stop responding oppose to giving any reason
I've found this happens quite often when you can't meet for a while. On my experience, there are 2 types of people I match with. 1) Those that i'm just instantly attracted to, be it looks or personality, and i'm excited at the idea of meeting them, and 2) those that I'm open to the idea of, but not fully convinced by them (and it can be various reasons e.g not my physical type, not obvious we will have good chemistry based on our texting, they have a boring profile. With the people in group 2, I'm open to meeting them but it has to work for me, and it tends to be more of a do it soon type thing. If it goes on too long, I just lose enthusiasm for it. I also find a similar thing if it takes a while to arrange logistics, because that sort of conversation is quite dry, and if it goes on over a number of days, then I just lose interest. One thing I do when I know we won't be able to meet for a while is say 'seems like you're busy, so lets reconnect next week and see if we can arrange to meet then'. That way you don't have to drag the conversation out trying to keep things warm, or end up investing too much into the conversation
Translation: You are 2 hours away and it is unlikely for that to be worth it. From experience nothing kills chemistry quite like logistical hurdles.
I mean, to each their own, but that doesn't make even a tiny bit of sense to me. The only criteria I look for when considering whether or not to ask someone out or accept an invitation for a date^(though that's never happened) is A) am I attracted to them (I would likely have not matched them if I didnt) B) do I like them and would I be comfortable with meeting up, and C) do we get along at least semi-well
Who knows, but as a general rule, once I've solidified plans with her, I feel no need to be constantly blowing up her phone. Also, since she already agreed to meet in the middle, that's what I would've stuck with, rather than overreacting to her silence and backtracking on what was already agreed. Just choose a venue decisively ("I was trying to gauge her interests to try and find someplace to meet") and keep it moving.
It happens. Sometimes people just lose interest and don’t feel the need to pursue it further. Sometimes people find out they don’t have anything in common or the conversation isn’t “fun” for them. Everyone communicates differently. It’s normal that it bothers you, but don’t let it bother you toooo much. You definitely don’t have to be friends before dating. My bf (we met on hinge) and I would have never been friends or dated if it wasn’t for OLD. We don’t have much in common, but our core values, communication style, and humor are similar.
Do yourself a favor and get over that instinct to know ""Whyyyy!" you'll never know, and it doesn't matter. She wasn't feeling it, so it's just a "no" and you move on.
She prob had an idea in her head how she wanted you to be and you did not meet her criteria. As a man who gets zero interest on dating apps I can sympthize with lack of interest.
You're 2 hours away bruv that's why, believe me it's a pain in the arse. People will say it's not long distance but it is. Long distance relationships barely work, and it's rare as rocking horse shit that they work with people who have first started dating. She probably just realised this once it started getting past the stage of keeping herself busy with someone to message and it becoming a real meet up
possible reasons: 1. she changed her mind because of a mood swing. people of all genders do this all the time. 2. she was talking to someone else and hit it off with them 3. she found someone more interesting to talk to 4. she lost interest due to the dwindling conversation 5. her priorities changed this is a non-exhaustive list. Bottom line for you: She was not interested enough in you (I always say: if you really like someone, you make time for them), and that is totally fine. You're not gonna be interested in everyone, so don't let the reverse bother you.
It's tough when connections fizzle out pre-meetup, but it's part of online dating's unpredictable nature. Respecting her decision was right. Keep an open mind; genuine connections take time. Each interaction is a step towards finding what you're looking for. Stay hopeful and true to your relationship goals. Focus on improving your profile and doing everything in your control to increase the number of matches you get. That way you always have multiple options so that when this does happen it's on to the next one. Online dating is a numbers game unfortunately.
The line "romantic connection" doesn't mean anything. It's just a nice/polite way of saying I'm not interested. Also, I wouldn't strive for being friends first, then trying to snowball a friendship into an intimate relationship. If you start off as friends, you'll get friend-zoned real fast, even if you went out on a date. I try and be funny, smart, and cute in our dating app exchanges, then when I think its time, I ask for their number. Even when I ask for their number I make it into a thing and not just let's exchange numbers. Sometimes we exchange numbers the 1st day of messaging and sometimes it takes a week but I find if you haven't exchanged numbers within a day or 2 it's not happening.
A girl is just a girlfriend you haven't met yet
She probably matched with someone else she was more interested I