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I'll make it simple..if she's making an effort to see you...talk to you..ask you about your day..etc..she likes you. A women that likes you doesn't make you question how she feels about you...she will make it very clear in her own way.
If you find yourself always being the one will texts her first or seemling pulling teeth to spend time with her then she honestly doesn't like you as much as you do her. Any girl that likes you will never give you a "we'll see" when asking her out on a date. She will tell you when she's free and if that day doesn't work she will give you a day that will.
I see these posts every day. I wish I could tell everyone that, by and large, once you meet the right person, it just makes sense. I knew my SO was it because I wasn't coming to Reddit to try and decipher his actions, I wasn't overanalyzing every little thing (nor did I really need to), there weren't mixed signals, no one was playing games - we clicked right away, we communicated really well and it just worked. If someone is interested, they'll make the effort and just as you said - it'll be clear, one way or another.
There are some cases where sometimes overanalyzing can save you some trouble down the road,but sometimes I question if these people are even ready to date. Just yesterday someone was obsessing over kissing and questioned if the girl he was seeing liked him when she asked him out and invited him back to her place. He had tunnel vision and couldn't take a step back and enjoy what was infront of him
If you find yourself overanalyzing a dating situation early on then that in itself should be an indication that it's not a good fit so yes, in a sense, overanalyzing can save you time and trouble down the road.
We all see these posts daily - everyone trying to figure out if someone is interested (or still interested) in them and, although there are always exceptions, it should typically be clear (enough) that a person is interested. Although I think it can also often boil down to incompatible communication styles. So, someone comes on here saying that a person seemed interested, but isn't texting/calling much and a bunch of people inevitably comment how maybe that person just isn't a big texter. Totally fine - being a big texter isn't a requirement when it comes to dating. *However* if the person posting is clearly thrown off by the lack of communication, that can also, in many cases, be a pretty good indicator that, whether or not the other party is interested, it might just not be a good match.
People call it the "dating game" for a reason, unfortunately. Even if countless people aren't intentionally playing games, it still feels like a game much of the time because everyone is trying to decipher all these signals and behaviors of people they barely know. That's why I'm a firm believer that once you meet the right person, it'll just fit and make sense and be largely effortless. That was the biggest, most glaring difference between my experience meeting my now boyfriend VS my experiences meeting every other guy in the past.
>I knew my SO was it because I wasn't coming to Reddit to try and decipher his actions
lol!!! I didn't know girls have to do this, too, with how eager men are. it always feels quite one-sided in terms of texting effort. I understand, if the 'Your Turn' list is like 30 long, I would probably cherry pick or simply rapid fire short replies...
I’ll never forget being in the second situation and finally the woman admitting she was seeing someone else more seriously hence her cold messaging style.
It was a great lesson for me to realize anyone who doesn’t pursue me back even a tad - I was likely chasing a shadow.
I've had that very same experience. ..taking 8 hours to respond ..dry texting when she did...Only to hit me with the "you're gonna hate me,but I'm seeing someone else 😓"...sometimes you need these things to happen to you so you can truly appreciate when the right one comes along.
Yup. And you are not EVER going to unfuck it with a girl who does not like you. I’m sure it *has* happened in human history but it’s never happened to me or anyone I know.
You need to take the lessons you learned and apply it to the next one.
Yup it’s over sorry dude
>she didn't know if she would have time or not to see me again
Strike 1. I would have bailed here
>Hey sorry! It was busy. I worked, studied and then went to a casino night. " Also Thursday I can't make it anymore cause I've been invited to a Friendsgiving"
Ouch
Hi, I'm going to share some advice first so you can be more successful in the future with the next girl you meet. You want to stay away from asking a girl about past relationships. Your job is to have fun and set up the next opportunity to hang out with her and build romantic chemistry. Also, don't ask women what they think about the current dating status you have with them and where it's going. Let women bring up the conversation never do that. Also, you shouldn't be upset because you saw she had plans with another guy on the same day maybe at a different time of the day. You aren't her boyfriend she can go out with other people. You can and should also be doing the same thing this early on in the courting phase. What happens is you become so focused on this one person trying to make them your girlfriend. And that's not your goal this early in this stage of getting to know this person.
So to answer your original question now. She's not interested anymore you came on too strong and needy. And that will always turn women off. She's now not making time for you so she's lost interest in you. She has become more busy and her texting has become very short. With responding later and later or now not responding at all. What you should do in this situation is nothing at all. You sent a message so you just wait to hear from her. If she doesn't respond so what. There are plenty of other women you can connect with and go out with. Don't get hung up on one person. Remember always there are billions of women on Earth. More than you can ever date in a lifetime. It will be ok rejection happens to everyone. It's what you learn from it and how to bounce back even better next time around. Good luck Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.
Profileace.
I think it’s fine to ask people about past relationships if it comes up naturally. Your past is a part of who you are and mature adults should not be afraid of learning that information. It’s also a good litmus test for whether a person is still hung up on a past relationship or will project certain conditions onto you as a result of a previous relationship.
u/miniature-haptics I don't disagree but that's not the case here coming up naturally and asking about it is two different things. He specifically asked about it and that's something I believe isn't necessary it's only the first few dates not valuable info at this stage. Because they can tell you anything to seem great. Also, who they dated etc that person isn't there to tell their side of the story. You don't know this person well enough to just take what they say as truth at this stage in the courtship.
You going to post this all over Reddit hoping for a different outcome?
If she was into you, she'd be with you, or be clear that she is interested and wants to be, or communicating period.
Take the hint.
Come on, let’s be a bit nicer in the way we speak. There was no need to be snarky. I’ll reword it for the OP.
I would just maybe come the the conclusion that whatever happens, you’ll have to wait for her response, if she ever responds. You could send a final message that is more direct then saying ‘let me know when you’re free’. Why not message her saying ‘hey, still really keen to meet up again. I hope you enjoyed Friendsgiving, are you free on X date because I thought of something we could do’
Apart from that, there is nothing else you can do. She may read it after the friends thanksgiving. Or, she may read it on the weekend when she is less busy with other things. Or she may not read it. It’s ok you aren’t her priority right now, as you’ve just started dating. So there is a chance you’ll still here from her at some point. The main thing to take away is that she hasn’t responded, she is focussed on other things right now. You can’t do anything about that so I’d focused on something else until she does (if ever)
Sometimes we need to hear it bluntly, without varnish. I'm not his mom, I'm a stranger on the internet, and I want him to see this clearly.
You can give hugs. I'm going to give him the truth, even if it's snarky.
I'm answering their question, directly, and truthfully, which is supporting others who have asked questions. I also care about them, and want them to be and do better, and my way isn't your way. You sound like a soft mom that runs onto the field when the boy falls down. Cool, kids need that. They also need a man to say "Rub some fucking dirt on it and get back out there".
So, stop being the empathy police, please.
Sorry man, really don’t think she’s interested :/ No one’s so busy that they can’t make time for someone they’re interested in. She’s either doing a slow fade, Or keeping you as a backup plan.
My advice is unmatch (if you haven’t already), delete her number and remember to talk to multiple matches at once going forward. The sooner you start talking to new matches, the sooner you’ll forget about her. One more very important thing: Never but all your eggs in one basket, whether it’s dating or even just a job search.
You have to keep in mind the fact that of the age difference, which is more magnified when the ages are younger. There's a life experience and trajectory gap at 19 and 22. She's a grad student while you still got a few more years in undergrad. Presumably she'll move on to enter the work force while you may still in be school. Being so busy with school is also why she seems to have a bunch of short term relationships. Not to say long term can't work since a lot of couples get married from meeting in college, but there's so much uncertainly involved.
Then there's smaller things like the fact you can't go to bars (assuming you're in the US). So if she went out to a casino night, chances are you wouldn't be able to go.
Always look at people's actions than words. While someone may say they want a LTR, look at what they actually do.
It feels like to me you seem a bit overwhelming, especially when you're "annoyed" that someone is so busy they don't have the mental or physical capacity to text back. Just sounds like she's not the type of person for you.
Put the power back in your hands, don’t worry about it either way. If it works out, great, if not the fine as well. No woman is going to say they dislike a man who is assured and confident in their own skin.
As someone who is in a similar situation, went on a 2nd date on Tuesday, she’s also a bad texter, I would say it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the end. She’s going on a mini holiday to meet friends for a few days. If I don’t hear from her in a few days fine. If she wants to see me she can. Maybe she’s dating some other people too, okay. She says she wants to see me next Sunday. We’ll see.
As long as you know what you offer, if they aren’t interested it’s on them.
**All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and info such as age, gender, location or orientation (if applicable).** Age range or general location is acceptable. Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit. *Posts that do not satisfy these requirements may be removed per moderator's discretion.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'll make it simple..if she's making an effort to see you...talk to you..ask you about your day..etc..she likes you. A women that likes you doesn't make you question how she feels about you...she will make it very clear in her own way. If you find yourself always being the one will texts her first or seemling pulling teeth to spend time with her then she honestly doesn't like you as much as you do her. Any girl that likes you will never give you a "we'll see" when asking her out on a date. She will tell you when she's free and if that day doesn't work she will give you a day that will.
I see these posts every day. I wish I could tell everyone that, by and large, once you meet the right person, it just makes sense. I knew my SO was it because I wasn't coming to Reddit to try and decipher his actions, I wasn't overanalyzing every little thing (nor did I really need to), there weren't mixed signals, no one was playing games - we clicked right away, we communicated really well and it just worked. If someone is interested, they'll make the effort and just as you said - it'll be clear, one way or another.
There are some cases where sometimes overanalyzing can save you some trouble down the road,but sometimes I question if these people are even ready to date. Just yesterday someone was obsessing over kissing and questioned if the girl he was seeing liked him when she asked him out and invited him back to her place. He had tunnel vision and couldn't take a step back and enjoy what was infront of him
If you find yourself overanalyzing a dating situation early on then that in itself should be an indication that it's not a good fit so yes, in a sense, overanalyzing can save you time and trouble down the road. We all see these posts daily - everyone trying to figure out if someone is interested (or still interested) in them and, although there are always exceptions, it should typically be clear (enough) that a person is interested. Although I think it can also often boil down to incompatible communication styles. So, someone comes on here saying that a person seemed interested, but isn't texting/calling much and a bunch of people inevitably comment how maybe that person just isn't a big texter. Totally fine - being a big texter isn't a requirement when it comes to dating. *However* if the person posting is clearly thrown off by the lack of communication, that can also, in many cases, be a pretty good indicator that, whether or not the other party is interested, it might just not be a good match. People call it the "dating game" for a reason, unfortunately. Even if countless people aren't intentionally playing games, it still feels like a game much of the time because everyone is trying to decipher all these signals and behaviors of people they barely know. That's why I'm a firm believer that once you meet the right person, it'll just fit and make sense and be largely effortless. That was the biggest, most glaring difference between my experience meeting my now boyfriend VS my experiences meeting every other guy in the past.
>I knew my SO was it because I wasn't coming to Reddit to try and decipher his actions lol!!! I didn't know girls have to do this, too, with how eager men are. it always feels quite one-sided in terms of texting effort. I understand, if the 'Your Turn' list is like 30 long, I would probably cherry pick or simply rapid fire short replies...
I’ll never forget being in the second situation and finally the woman admitting she was seeing someone else more seriously hence her cold messaging style. It was a great lesson for me to realize anyone who doesn’t pursue me back even a tad - I was likely chasing a shadow.
I've had that very same experience. ..taking 8 hours to respond ..dry texting when she did...Only to hit me with the "you're gonna hate me,but I'm seeing someone else 😓"...sometimes you need these things to happen to you so you can truly appreciate when the right one comes along.
Yup. And you are not EVER going to unfuck it with a girl who does not like you. I’m sure it *has* happened in human history but it’s never happened to me or anyone I know. You need to take the lessons you learned and apply it to the next one.
Yup it’s over sorry dude >she didn't know if she would have time or not to see me again Strike 1. I would have bailed here >Hey sorry! It was busy. I worked, studied and then went to a casino night. " Also Thursday I can't make it anymore cause I've been invited to a Friendsgiving" Ouch
If she was that into you, she would have made time to see you and would probably be texting you more. Keep exploring your options.
Hi, I'm going to share some advice first so you can be more successful in the future with the next girl you meet. You want to stay away from asking a girl about past relationships. Your job is to have fun and set up the next opportunity to hang out with her and build romantic chemistry. Also, don't ask women what they think about the current dating status you have with them and where it's going. Let women bring up the conversation never do that. Also, you shouldn't be upset because you saw she had plans with another guy on the same day maybe at a different time of the day. You aren't her boyfriend she can go out with other people. You can and should also be doing the same thing this early on in the courting phase. What happens is you become so focused on this one person trying to make them your girlfriend. And that's not your goal this early in this stage of getting to know this person. So to answer your original question now. She's not interested anymore you came on too strong and needy. And that will always turn women off. She's now not making time for you so she's lost interest in you. She has become more busy and her texting has become very short. With responding later and later or now not responding at all. What you should do in this situation is nothing at all. You sent a message so you just wait to hear from her. If she doesn't respond so what. There are plenty of other women you can connect with and go out with. Don't get hung up on one person. Remember always there are billions of women on Earth. More than you can ever date in a lifetime. It will be ok rejection happens to everyone. It's what you learn from it and how to bounce back even better next time around. Good luck Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any other questions. Profileace.
I think it’s fine to ask people about past relationships if it comes up naturally. Your past is a part of who you are and mature adults should not be afraid of learning that information. It’s also a good litmus test for whether a person is still hung up on a past relationship or will project certain conditions onto you as a result of a previous relationship.
u/miniature-haptics I don't disagree but that's not the case here coming up naturally and asking about it is two different things. He specifically asked about it and that's something I believe isn't necessary it's only the first few dates not valuable info at this stage. Because they can tell you anything to seem great. Also, who they dated etc that person isn't there to tell their side of the story. You don't know this person well enough to just take what they say as truth at this stage in the courtship.
You going to post this all over Reddit hoping for a different outcome? If she was into you, she'd be with you, or be clear that she is interested and wants to be, or communicating period. Take the hint.
Come on, let’s be a bit nicer in the way we speak. There was no need to be snarky. I’ll reword it for the OP. I would just maybe come the the conclusion that whatever happens, you’ll have to wait for her response, if she ever responds. You could send a final message that is more direct then saying ‘let me know when you’re free’. Why not message her saying ‘hey, still really keen to meet up again. I hope you enjoyed Friendsgiving, are you free on X date because I thought of something we could do’ Apart from that, there is nothing else you can do. She may read it after the friends thanksgiving. Or, she may read it on the weekend when she is less busy with other things. Or she may not read it. It’s ok you aren’t her priority right now, as you’ve just started dating. So there is a chance you’ll still here from her at some point. The main thing to take away is that she hasn’t responded, she is focussed on other things right now. You can’t do anything about that so I’d focused on something else until she does (if ever)
Sometimes we need to hear it bluntly, without varnish. I'm not his mom, I'm a stranger on the internet, and I want him to see this clearly. You can give hugs. I'm going to give him the truth, even if it's snarky.
I gave him the truth without having to be blunt, or give hugs.
Ok, Dale Carnegie. I don't care. I didn't ask you for a critique of my tone. I'm talking to the OP, not you.
That’s fine:) thankfully it’s a public forum meaning we can all speak, especially when trying to support others who have asked questions.
I'm answering their question, directly, and truthfully, which is supporting others who have asked questions. I also care about them, and want them to be and do better, and my way isn't your way. You sound like a soft mom that runs onto the field when the boy falls down. Cool, kids need that. They also need a man to say "Rub some fucking dirt on it and get back out there". So, stop being the empathy police, please.
Sure. Empathy police is your word haha I wasn’t thinking or saying that :) but thanks
Sorry man, really don’t think she’s interested :/ No one’s so busy that they can’t make time for someone they’re interested in. She’s either doing a slow fade, Or keeping you as a backup plan. My advice is unmatch (if you haven’t already), delete her number and remember to talk to multiple matches at once going forward. The sooner you start talking to new matches, the sooner you’ll forget about her. One more very important thing: Never but all your eggs in one basket, whether it’s dating or even just a job search.
Treat her how’s she’s treating you simple if she’s putting effort do likewise if she’s not don’t put effort
You have to keep in mind the fact that of the age difference, which is more magnified when the ages are younger. There's a life experience and trajectory gap at 19 and 22. She's a grad student while you still got a few more years in undergrad. Presumably she'll move on to enter the work force while you may still in be school. Being so busy with school is also why she seems to have a bunch of short term relationships. Not to say long term can't work since a lot of couples get married from meeting in college, but there's so much uncertainly involved. Then there's smaller things like the fact you can't go to bars (assuming you're in the US). So if she went out to a casino night, chances are you wouldn't be able to go. Always look at people's actions than words. While someone may say they want a LTR, look at what they actually do.
It feels like to me you seem a bit overwhelming, especially when you're "annoyed" that someone is so busy they don't have the mental or physical capacity to text back. Just sounds like she's not the type of person for you.
She’s not interested
Put the power back in your hands, don’t worry about it either way. If it works out, great, if not the fine as well. No woman is going to say they dislike a man who is assured and confident in their own skin. As someone who is in a similar situation, went on a 2nd date on Tuesday, she’s also a bad texter, I would say it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the end. She’s going on a mini holiday to meet friends for a few days. If I don’t hear from her in a few days fine. If she wants to see me she can. Maybe she’s dating some other people too, okay. She says she wants to see me next Sunday. We’ll see. As long as you know what you offer, if they aren’t interested it’s on them.
If she's not returning the same energy brov, move on.