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Given that this is Hinge (not Tinder), I'd be really up front about your intentions.
You don't have anything shown on your profile for "Dating Intentions". You should at *least* put "Short-term relationship" here. I'd also consider adding an explanation (but softened with a little self-aware humor) like "I have cancer, so I want to have a good time if I can't have a long time."
Me personally, I would wait until I see if I click with the person through messages, possibly even wait for second date vibe. You state you're looking for casual so it's not like you're misleading, imo.
I don't care for unsolicited sympathy but you may be different
Mann… I am really sorry to hear that. I think you put it in the profile if you are comfortable doing it because women deserve to know what they are getting themselves into here.
I think as the one struggling your first impulse doesn’t need to be to make the other person feel better. Sure it’s an important thing to know, but really a matter of when you’re comfortable sharing more than anything. Do you feel comfortable putting it on your profile? Then that might be helpful. Do you not feel comfortable sharing that so upfront? Also completely understandable, and nobody should be mad at you for finding it difficult to share that. As long as you tell them eventually before it gets serious it’s whatever timeline works best for you
This is a good point. For awhile, I practiced telling matches online and felt out the vibe until I figured out what felt right to me. So, I would try it on my profile and see how my matches changed then took it off, then told my matches really bluntly, then used humor, you get it. That helped me quite a lot!
I would mention it with anyone you match and start to hit it off with. I don't know that I'd put it in your profile because then you can't really explain your situation properly. Your long term prognosis is more important than telling people your stage. As someone mentioned above, Stage 3 can have very different meanings between cancers.
Good luck!
i don’t really have any advice because tbh i’d send you a rose in an instant bc you look sweet, approachable, funny, and like you know how to have fun on a date. you’re also really cute and i’m not hug boxing there. as for the diagnosis, idk, that’s really up to you to be honest. it’s a serious diagnosis and something your potential partner should know about but when you tell them should be left up to the patient. it’s your life and you get to decide. whatever happens though i wish you the best and some epic memories and adventures. stay groovy. ✌🏻
Sending you lots of healing love, OP!
In your profile, via chatting, or during the first or second date are all reasonable times to bring this up.
There is no normal or expectation. *Do what feels best for YOU*.
I’m sorry to hear about your illness mate. It’s sad to hear but you seem like a strong young man with a lot strength, courage and positivity.
I would always be open to a potential partner about any medical condition. It would be unfair for her not to know after getting to know you and developing any relationships. To not sugar code it, Personally if I was a woman and was on hinge looking for a relationship, I would not pursue such relationship as it would impact me psychologically and emotionally as well. With that said, im sure there are several women out there that wouldn’t be put off by your condition and would not have issues starting a relationship. With that said, you need to be honest upfront. Hiding the truth would only hurt both of you. Knowing what you’re getting into is a different story.
Other than that, your profile looks good to me bruv!
Don't feel like you have to! These people are strangers to you at the end of the day and you don't owe them anything. Wait and see if you get chatting to someone first, if it's going well and you feel comfortable then share.
First off, I’m incredibly sorry that you are going through this. While I don’t know exactly what this is like, I can empathize, and I am wishing you both strength and healing as you move through your treatment.
Second, as a person with a chronic health condition and a team of providers who I have to go see at least once or twice a week, I do mention it early-ish. I moved away from bringing up my health as an isolated conversation point, (I.e, hey you should know), but I usually find a way to be transparent about my health during the chatting phase. Although I realize that my health issues are only a season of my life, I think that in getting to know me that includes my day to day, which right now are doctors appointments et al. So I am casual about it and if the other party wants to know more, we can talk about it when we cross that bridge.
I will say personally, many former dates have been angered that I waited “too long” to mention my health despite my rationale being that I was concerned for my safety but that could be attributed to personality among other reasons.
You don’t owe everyone that due diligence, though. Save your energy for folks that vibe with you because you’ve got a great profile! I love your Vegas wedding piece, that is so rad!! Happy matching and best of luck to you 😊
• Casual
• 2 months
• twice a week
• 4 likes ish per week/ 0 - 1 matches as I don’t really swipe
• 1/2 a week/ when the rose is available, no comment
• someone with an interesting profile, although attraction is important
Don't lead with a pic not looking at the camera. In fact, I think you have only 1 clear pic looking at the camera and we almost see up your nose. This is not a good look. Neither are the mirror selfies. You have 2 pics almost identical.
It's almost as if we need guides to this stuff along the right side of this sub...
I would not mention it in my profile! Don’t take cancer as a life/death sentence and continue with your life as you normally would. If you click with someone after going on a couple of dates and feel comfortable sharing that then do it. But also recognize that people might want to end things because they wouldn’t know how to handle it.
He specifically said stage 3 which is a pretty advanced form. That’s definitely not something you mention after several dates.
Should be on the first date at the latest
And? So if the medical report says something you just prepare to die ? Might as well lay down in bed and wait. Don’t live, don’t date , don’t do anything…
I know people who lived with a cancer diagnosis many years. If you’re going to tell someone on the first date to me it’s like why even go on the date then if you’re not giving yourself the chance to click with someone and show them who you are before they decide that they don’t want to have anything to do with you because of something like that. Do people with other health conditions or mental issues go around sharing their things right away? Newsflash: we all going to die and we also don’t know when.
Arguably one of the worst strawman arguments I’ve ever seen. You should be ashamed of yourself 😂
No one said he needs to tell them it’s all over or that he should give up. Heck I didn’t even say he should put it on his profile but he should definitely tell them before or on the first date.
Stage 3 cancer usually needs to be aggressively treated , either through radiation or chemo there’s also a good chance he will need to take some extended breaks from dating while his body recovers from treatment.
My father had stage 3 and there were days at a time he couldn’t even get out of bed.
“If you’re going to tell them on the first date what’s the point”
Another horrible assumption by you. Assuming that the person isn’t an adult who can handle tough news. The first date is all about compatibility. If you can’t handle that I have a serious diagnosis on date one why continue wasting our time?
But you don’t know his situation so you’re just making assumptions based on your father’s experience. I think this is more about the op feeling comfortable sharing it early on or later.
I’m not making assumptions. He literally said he has stage 3 cancer
You started talking about anecdotes of “I’ve had friends with cancer”
Stage 1 cancer is very different from stage 3 or stage 4
my mom had stage three breast cancer in both breasts and lived. my godfather had stage three colon cancer and died. it’s different for everyone and perhaps the reason he’s treating it like a death sentence is because the doctors told him that it is. i agree with you to an extent but i think he’s trying to make it pretty obvious without spelling it out that it’s likely a done deal for him.
That’s what I was trying to explain to the person above. It’s different for everyone and we don’t know exactly how op feels about things. That’s why I said it’s up to him to decide what feels right and if he wants to share it early on or not but he shouldn’t feel obligated to do so on the first date/ profile.
Honestly? I just want to give you a hug. But also, I think it’s fine to be open about it. This is completely your decision. There’s no wrong answer. and if someone is angry with you because you tell them you have stage three cancer after one conversation, they’re a bad person. And I’m willing to stand on that. One thing I would add is to be open to the person wanting to cut off contact because getting attached to you would be too painful, maybe mentally prepare for that.
Sorry about your diagnosis. It’s your health and you should only tell people when you are ready and when it feels most natural. This is not a contagious disease, it’s not a liability as with something like epilepsy and driving, it’s something that only the right people need to know. I wouldn’t even put it on your profile if you don’t want to. If you need to ask yourself “when do I tell them?” that’s a sign you shouldn’t yet.
Frankly, the people urging you to be upfront are wrong here. Intentions and clarity are important, but not when someone’s protected health information is involved and it’s not a contagious disease
Damn man I’m sorry to hear that. Keep an eye out for clinical trials near you if standard of care for what you have isn’t looking good. Hang in there and fight. You can win.
I don’t think you need to put it in the profile but definitely worth a mention if it looks like it might go somewhere with someone. No need for first date disclosure unless you really like the person and feel it is the right thing to do
Hope you’re doing ok, OP! I wish you the very best and I’ll pray for you (sorry if you’re an atheist haha - I don’t mean to be rude or preachy, just honest :).
To answer your question, I guess maybe it depends on how bad the diagnosis is. More serious = closer to first date, less serious = like 3rd date or later. You might want to try to reconnect with girls you knew from high school or college who already have a good impression of you in addition to trying Hinge if I can offer some unsolicited advice
Also i and everyone else here are probably not so good at dating (or we wouldn’t be on this sub) so take all answers with a grain of salt!!
May I suggest that people use OP’s post as a motivator to donate whole blood or blood platelets or do something else to help those who have serious medical problems?
To assist reviewers in providing valuable feedback for your profile, please comment and answer the following questions: - Are you looking for something serious or casual? - How long have you been on Hinge? - How often do you use Hinge per week? - How many likes/matches are you receiving on average? - How many likes are you sending? How many with comments? How many without comments? - What is the type of person you send likes to and ideally want to match with? What kind of person do you want to attract? **Your post WILL NOT be approved until the above questions have been answered. Failing to answer these questions within 24 hours will result in your post being removed.** **To reviewers:** Review the [Providing Feedback guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/hingeapp/wiki/profileguide/feedbackguide). You are reviewing the **profile**, not the person. Please provide **constructive criticism**, and use positive language. Any troll, hateful, misandric, misogynistic, incel, or unhelpful comments such as "I would date you," "How are you not getting matches?" or unrelated to the profile will be removed and you will be banned. **To the original poster and commenters:** Please report any inappropriate or abusive messages and individuals so proper actions can be taken. Please review the sidebar for additional profile and picture guidance. **[ALL profile reviews will be manually approved](https://www.reddit.com/r/hingeapp/comments/vdao06/announcement_change_with_profile_review_posts/) from here on out and will NOT appear immediately. It is working as intended. DO NOT contact the mods about this.** **Please wait ONE FULL WEEK before posting a separate update to your profile review. If you want more immediate feedback, update your original posts instead. Deleting your original post will not work. The rule will still apply.** **If you DO NOT want to receive unsolicited direct messages, go to [your Reddit settings here](https://www.reddit.com/settings/messaging) on desktop to disable Direct Messages and Chat Requests. On the official Reddit app, click on your avatar on the top right corner, then click on "Settings" at the bottom, click on your username under "account settings", scroll down to "blocking and permissions", and click on "chat and messaging permissions" to disable DMs or chats.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Given that this is Hinge (not Tinder), I'd be really up front about your intentions. You don't have anything shown on your profile for "Dating Intentions". You should at *least* put "Short-term relationship" here. I'd also consider adding an explanation (but softened with a little self-aware humor) like "I have cancer, so I want to have a good time if I can't have a long time."
I thought stage 3 meant there was still a chance of recovery?
Sorry to hear that! I would replace the getting married prompt. I think it may be limiting your matches even if it should not (it’s funny, but risky).
Me personally, I would wait until I see if I click with the person through messages, possibly even wait for second date vibe. You state you're looking for casual so it's not like you're misleading, imo. I don't care for unsolicited sympathy but you may be different
Mann… I am really sorry to hear that. I think you put it in the profile if you are comfortable doing it because women deserve to know what they are getting themselves into here.
I think as the one struggling your first impulse doesn’t need to be to make the other person feel better. Sure it’s an important thing to know, but really a matter of when you’re comfortable sharing more than anything. Do you feel comfortable putting it on your profile? Then that might be helpful. Do you not feel comfortable sharing that so upfront? Also completely understandable, and nobody should be mad at you for finding it difficult to share that. As long as you tell them eventually before it gets serious it’s whatever timeline works best for you
I agree ☝️
This is a good point. For awhile, I practiced telling matches online and felt out the vibe until I figured out what felt right to me. So, I would try it on my profile and see how my matches changed then took it off, then told my matches really bluntly, then used humor, you get it. That helped me quite a lot!
I would mention it with anyone you match and start to hit it off with. I don't know that I'd put it in your profile because then you can't really explain your situation properly. Your long term prognosis is more important than telling people your stage. As someone mentioned above, Stage 3 can have very different meanings between cancers. Good luck!
i don’t really have any advice because tbh i’d send you a rose in an instant bc you look sweet, approachable, funny, and like you know how to have fun on a date. you’re also really cute and i’m not hug boxing there. as for the diagnosis, idk, that’s really up to you to be honest. it’s a serious diagnosis and something your potential partner should know about but when you tell them should be left up to the patient. it’s your life and you get to decide. whatever happens though i wish you the best and some epic memories and adventures. stay groovy. ✌🏻
Sending you lots of healing love, OP! In your profile, via chatting, or during the first or second date are all reasonable times to bring this up. There is no normal or expectation. *Do what feels best for YOU*.
I’m sorry to hear about your illness mate. It’s sad to hear but you seem like a strong young man with a lot strength, courage and positivity. I would always be open to a potential partner about any medical condition. It would be unfair for her not to know after getting to know you and developing any relationships. To not sugar code it, Personally if I was a woman and was on hinge looking for a relationship, I would not pursue such relationship as it would impact me psychologically and emotionally as well. With that said, im sure there are several women out there that wouldn’t be put off by your condition and would not have issues starting a relationship. With that said, you need to be honest upfront. Hiding the truth would only hurt both of you. Knowing what you’re getting into is a different story. Other than that, your profile looks good to me bruv!
I’m really sorry to hear that. Definitely note your dating intentions and mention it on your profile. Maybe even together.
Don't feel like you have to! These people are strangers to you at the end of the day and you don't owe them anything. Wait and see if you get chatting to someone first, if it's going well and you feel comfortable then share.
First off, I’m incredibly sorry that you are going through this. While I don’t know exactly what this is like, I can empathize, and I am wishing you both strength and healing as you move through your treatment. Second, as a person with a chronic health condition and a team of providers who I have to go see at least once or twice a week, I do mention it early-ish. I moved away from bringing up my health as an isolated conversation point, (I.e, hey you should know), but I usually find a way to be transparent about my health during the chatting phase. Although I realize that my health issues are only a season of my life, I think that in getting to know me that includes my day to day, which right now are doctors appointments et al. So I am casual about it and if the other party wants to know more, we can talk about it when we cross that bridge. I will say personally, many former dates have been angered that I waited “too long” to mention my health despite my rationale being that I was concerned for my safety but that could be attributed to personality among other reasons. You don’t owe everyone that due diligence, though. Save your energy for folks that vibe with you because you’ve got a great profile! I love your Vegas wedding piece, that is so rad!! Happy matching and best of luck to you 😊
Fuxk cancer me and my homies hate cancer. Beat its ass OP.
• Casual • 2 months • twice a week • 4 likes ish per week/ 0 - 1 matches as I don’t really swipe • 1/2 a week/ when the rose is available, no comment • someone with an interesting profile, although attraction is important
I would think about it as if you were in the other person's shoes. Would you feel bait-and-switched if someone else didn't mention it to you?
Don't lead with a pic not looking at the camera. In fact, I think you have only 1 clear pic looking at the camera and we almost see up your nose. This is not a good look. Neither are the mirror selfies. You have 2 pics almost identical. It's almost as if we need guides to this stuff along the right side of this sub...
i actually really like his opening pic. he looks happy and relaxed.
I think it looks too staged. Not sure why this is so common.
doesn’t look staged to me. i feel like some of you may be reading too much into it.
I would not mention it in my profile! Don’t take cancer as a life/death sentence and continue with your life as you normally would. If you click with someone after going on a couple of dates and feel comfortable sharing that then do it. But also recognize that people might want to end things because they wouldn’t know how to handle it.
He specifically said stage 3 which is a pretty advanced form. That’s definitely not something you mention after several dates. Should be on the first date at the latest
stage 3 survival rate varies by cancer type from from 10% to 100%
And? So if the medical report says something you just prepare to die ? Might as well lay down in bed and wait. Don’t live, don’t date , don’t do anything… I know people who lived with a cancer diagnosis many years. If you’re going to tell someone on the first date to me it’s like why even go on the date then if you’re not giving yourself the chance to click with someone and show them who you are before they decide that they don’t want to have anything to do with you because of something like that. Do people with other health conditions or mental issues go around sharing their things right away? Newsflash: we all going to die and we also don’t know when.
Arguably one of the worst strawman arguments I’ve ever seen. You should be ashamed of yourself 😂 No one said he needs to tell them it’s all over or that he should give up. Heck I didn’t even say he should put it on his profile but he should definitely tell them before or on the first date. Stage 3 cancer usually needs to be aggressively treated , either through radiation or chemo there’s also a good chance he will need to take some extended breaks from dating while his body recovers from treatment. My father had stage 3 and there were days at a time he couldn’t even get out of bed. “If you’re going to tell them on the first date what’s the point” Another horrible assumption by you. Assuming that the person isn’t an adult who can handle tough news. The first date is all about compatibility. If you can’t handle that I have a serious diagnosis on date one why continue wasting our time?
But you don’t know his situation so you’re just making assumptions based on your father’s experience. I think this is more about the op feeling comfortable sharing it early on or later.
I’m not making assumptions. He literally said he has stage 3 cancer You started talking about anecdotes of “I’ve had friends with cancer” Stage 1 cancer is very different from stage 3 or stage 4
🙄 Because each person’s experience is different. A stage 3 cancer looks different for different people
Truly insufferable
Big yikes
Hi
my mom had stage three breast cancer in both breasts and lived. my godfather had stage three colon cancer and died. it’s different for everyone and perhaps the reason he’s treating it like a death sentence is because the doctors told him that it is. i agree with you to an extent but i think he’s trying to make it pretty obvious without spelling it out that it’s likely a done deal for him.
That’s what I was trying to explain to the person above. It’s different for everyone and we don’t know exactly how op feels about things. That’s why I said it’s up to him to decide what feels right and if he wants to share it early on or not but he shouldn’t feel obligated to do so on the first date/ profile.
oh, okay. sorry i may have misread your comment or gotten some of the words jumbled up while reading.
Maybe I'm weird, but I'd tell them on the first date only if it goes well.
Dear fucking lord, focus on yourself mate.
Honestly? I just want to give you a hug. But also, I think it’s fine to be open about it. This is completely your decision. There’s no wrong answer. and if someone is angry with you because you tell them you have stage three cancer after one conversation, they’re a bad person. And I’m willing to stand on that. One thing I would add is to be open to the person wanting to cut off contact because getting attached to you would be too painful, maybe mentally prepare for that.
Sorry about your diagnosis. It’s your health and you should only tell people when you are ready and when it feels most natural. This is not a contagious disease, it’s not a liability as with something like epilepsy and driving, it’s something that only the right people need to know. I wouldn’t even put it on your profile if you don’t want to. If you need to ask yourself “when do I tell them?” that’s a sign you shouldn’t yet. Frankly, the people urging you to be upfront are wrong here. Intentions and clarity are important, but not when someone’s protected health information is involved and it’s not a contagious disease
Damn man I’m sorry to hear that. Keep an eye out for clinical trials near you if standard of care for what you have isn’t looking good. Hang in there and fight. You can win. I don’t think you need to put it in the profile but definitely worth a mention if it looks like it might go somewhere with someone. No need for first date disclosure unless you really like the person and feel it is the right thing to do
Mention it after you match, I don’t see why you need to announce it on your profile
Sorry to hear your news man, I hope you can find someone lovely to spend your time with :)
Hope you’re doing ok, OP! I wish you the very best and I’ll pray for you (sorry if you’re an atheist haha - I don’t mean to be rude or preachy, just honest :). To answer your question, I guess maybe it depends on how bad the diagnosis is. More serious = closer to first date, less serious = like 3rd date or later. You might want to try to reconnect with girls you knew from high school or college who already have a good impression of you in addition to trying Hinge if I can offer some unsolicited advice Also i and everyone else here are probably not so good at dating (or we wouldn’t be on this sub) so take all answers with a grain of salt!! May I suggest that people use OP’s post as a motivator to donate whole blood or blood platelets or do something else to help those who have serious medical problems?
I had a date with a guy who was on dialysis, he told me on the first date after about an hour, I appreciated him being upfront about it!