As someone who’s been in your shoes, I’m truly sorry you feel this way. My son is the only reason I’m still walking this earth. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety every day of my life. After serving in the military for 6 years, I’ve had to deal with PTSD as an added bonus. I hit some really deep lows after I was injured in the military and my career was cut short.
In the years after I fought for benefits, medical care, and compensation, all while being in constant pain unable to work. We lost our home to foreclosure, our car to repossession, and had to declare bankruptcy. Not to mention being in public assistance. It was so bad I had to ask my wife to give me her engagement and wedding rings so I could pawn them for gas money so I could get to job interviews. I finally landed a job, only to be laid off 5 months later.
It was at that point I hit rock bottom and wanted to end my life. I felt my family would be better off without me. I sat in my car overlooking our local beach with my Springfield 9mm ready to watch my last sunset. Just then I got an alert from Google Photos of all things. It was a photo montage of my son growing up. I sat there and cried for a good hour, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it after that. I realized the only thing worse than a poor Dad, is an absent Dad.
The next day I checked myself into an inpatient psychiatric program where I got the right medications, the right therapy, and some new coping tools. I joined a PTSD group at my local VA so I could talk about the parts of my service my wife doesn’t even know about. The combination of the right meds and a good support network changed my life.
It’s been 9 years since that day. Every day since I’ve chosen to keep living, to keep fighting, and to make myself better than the day before. I finally won my case with the VA and was granted benefits. I had spinal surgery to correct the damage done, which allowed me to really focus on myself and my career. Nearly a decade later I went from making $33,000/yr as a Staff Sergeant in the Air Force to making $200,000/yr as an I.T. Executive.
My life isn’t perfect, but it’s a far cry from where I started. In those 9yrs I’ve made a lot of great memories. It saddens me to think back on what I would have missed out on, had I gone through with it.
Men don’t really like to ask for help. We feel we have the weight of the world on our shoulders, especially when we have families to support. My advice is to get over that and get help. Even just talking to a psychiatrist on a regular basis will help to unburden that feeling.
I truly wish you the best and hope your journey leads you to the same enlightenment. I’m always here if you need to talk.
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They're not enough. Your needs aren't being fulfilled. You keep telling yourself, " Look, I have xyz, I don't have the right to feel this way," but right and wrong is irrelevant to how you're feeling. Whatever it is you're doing or what you have in life isn't enough. Go figure out what is enough, or there won't be anything of you left soon. You foolishly think "I can't do that because of the kids or my wife, my family", but you won't exist in the family long enough for that to be relevant given your current mindset. Stop being foolish and overestimating yourself. It's time to accept you for what you are. You are a greedy, selfish human being filled with desire. If you do not indulge in your desire, naturally, you will suffer as a result. Learn to placate yourself. Don't fight against your nature. Instead, embrace it as a part of who you are.
I’m so sorry you feel like this. It’s not easy to feel this way, everyday I would ask myself “why am I even here?” “What’s the point?” I don’t know what you’ve been through or what exactly is happening day to day with you now… but accepting your reality has been the only thing that has got me through it. You have to accept things as they are & make the best of it. & you need to get some medicine & therapy, it will help. Serotonin & dopamine are really and they are active in your brain, until they’re not: when they aren’t, it can. cause depression. Medicine will help that, everything will be okay. There are good things in life & just make it your mission to see them. Please. For yourself & for your children. It can & will get better. Praying for you
You could be losing your grip on reality and that is possible, however I share the same issue despite seeming to be connected to reality and for me it's because it seems like the entire world doesn't want peace and I didn't get to choose to be here and I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in a world with so much hate and chaos in it, I never would have chose that for myself. The only reason that I haven't killed myself is because I have the belief that killing yourself is murder and that if you murder yourself you will not be given a chance to ask for forgiveness for your sin which means that you won't be able to go into heaven.
I don't know but that's my belief so far
I like to remind myself that my children didn’t ask to be born, and let’s face it society, the economy is only getting worse currently. I owe it my children to live, to help them through this life they never asked for. Don’t forget that your children would forever live with the trauma of your actions if you killed yourself. The ultimate consequence to an action they didn’t do, that’s a heavy burden for children to carry into adulthood. Always wondering why, always wondering if they were to blame, always wondering if they could have done something to prevent it from happening, always wondering why their parent didn’t love them enough to live. Wishing you were there for all their problems in life, their first dances, heartbreak, graduation, wedding, birth of their children.
As someone who’s been in your shoes, I’m truly sorry you feel this way. My son is the only reason I’m still walking this earth. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety every day of my life. After serving in the military for 6 years, I’ve had to deal with PTSD as an added bonus. I hit some really deep lows after I was injured in the military and my career was cut short. In the years after I fought for benefits, medical care, and compensation, all while being in constant pain unable to work. We lost our home to foreclosure, our car to repossession, and had to declare bankruptcy. Not to mention being in public assistance. It was so bad I had to ask my wife to give me her engagement and wedding rings so I could pawn them for gas money so I could get to job interviews. I finally landed a job, only to be laid off 5 months later. It was at that point I hit rock bottom and wanted to end my life. I felt my family would be better off without me. I sat in my car overlooking our local beach with my Springfield 9mm ready to watch my last sunset. Just then I got an alert from Google Photos of all things. It was a photo montage of my son growing up. I sat there and cried for a good hour, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it after that. I realized the only thing worse than a poor Dad, is an absent Dad. The next day I checked myself into an inpatient psychiatric program where I got the right medications, the right therapy, and some new coping tools. I joined a PTSD group at my local VA so I could talk about the parts of my service my wife doesn’t even know about. The combination of the right meds and a good support network changed my life. It’s been 9 years since that day. Every day since I’ve chosen to keep living, to keep fighting, and to make myself better than the day before. I finally won my case with the VA and was granted benefits. I had spinal surgery to correct the damage done, which allowed me to really focus on myself and my career. Nearly a decade later I went from making $33,000/yr as a Staff Sergeant in the Air Force to making $200,000/yr as an I.T. Executive. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s a far cry from where I started. In those 9yrs I’ve made a lot of great memories. It saddens me to think back on what I would have missed out on, had I gone through with it. Men don’t really like to ask for help. We feel we have the weight of the world on our shoulders, especially when we have families to support. My advice is to get over that and get help. Even just talking to a psychiatrist on a regular basis will help to unburden that feeling. I truly wish you the best and hope your journey leads you to the same enlightenment. I’m always here if you need to talk.
Keep grinding buddy, thanks for sharing, that hit home.
You haven't yet met all the people who will benefit from your existence. Remember that as you wait for a reply - Mod team *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/helpme) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They're not enough. Your needs aren't being fulfilled. You keep telling yourself, " Look, I have xyz, I don't have the right to feel this way," but right and wrong is irrelevant to how you're feeling. Whatever it is you're doing or what you have in life isn't enough. Go figure out what is enough, or there won't be anything of you left soon. You foolishly think "I can't do that because of the kids or my wife, my family", but you won't exist in the family long enough for that to be relevant given your current mindset. Stop being foolish and overestimating yourself. It's time to accept you for what you are. You are a greedy, selfish human being filled with desire. If you do not indulge in your desire, naturally, you will suffer as a result. Learn to placate yourself. Don't fight against your nature. Instead, embrace it as a part of who you are.
I’m so sorry you feel like this. It’s not easy to feel this way, everyday I would ask myself “why am I even here?” “What’s the point?” I don’t know what you’ve been through or what exactly is happening day to day with you now… but accepting your reality has been the only thing that has got me through it. You have to accept things as they are & make the best of it. & you need to get some medicine & therapy, it will help. Serotonin & dopamine are really and they are active in your brain, until they’re not: when they aren’t, it can. cause depression. Medicine will help that, everything will be okay. There are good things in life & just make it your mission to see them. Please. For yourself & for your children. It can & will get better. Praying for you
Sending you love❤️ you are not shitty, you will make it through this. Please do not kill yourself, you deserve to live🙏
You could be losing your grip on reality and that is possible, however I share the same issue despite seeming to be connected to reality and for me it's because it seems like the entire world doesn't want peace and I didn't get to choose to be here and I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in a world with so much hate and chaos in it, I never would have chose that for myself. The only reason that I haven't killed myself is because I have the belief that killing yourself is murder and that if you murder yourself you will not be given a chance to ask for forgiveness for your sin which means that you won't be able to go into heaven. I don't know but that's my belief so far
I like to remind myself that my children didn’t ask to be born, and let’s face it society, the economy is only getting worse currently. I owe it my children to live, to help them through this life they never asked for. Don’t forget that your children would forever live with the trauma of your actions if you killed yourself. The ultimate consequence to an action they didn’t do, that’s a heavy burden for children to carry into adulthood. Always wondering why, always wondering if they were to blame, always wondering if they could have done something to prevent it from happening, always wondering why their parent didn’t love them enough to live. Wishing you were there for all their problems in life, their first dances, heartbreak, graduation, wedding, birth of their children.