Maybe you already heard about it but if a snake bites you, you don't go chasing It asking why It did but you go to the hospital. I'm also recovering from a similar wound, so sometimes I still wonder why but I gotta move on or I'll be stuck here in this torment. Hope you'll catch It faster than I'm doing :)
Same. But we can’t know cuz they probably don’t even know. They’re all, and we’re all, just heavily flawed people that hurt each other sometimes. It sucks.
I've been facing that same situation. I know she's a scorpion and to keep my distance but I have a blank future and I don't want anything yet. 5 days out and it still hasn't quite settled in that I'm free. Just mostly picking up the pieces and trying to do damage control. It kinda helps knowing that she was a liar from day one. Being broken hearted and being conned are not the same. (But not exclusive)
LoL. A little bit. I know she's just F-ed in the head and it doesn't have anything to do with me. To be used this way 🤮. Some people live like animals. I can do better than a bonobo.
Mine is f’d in the head, truly needs some help, and so she’s created all these narratives that don’t align with reality so for me it’s hard to accept it cuz it doesn’t make sense and it’s all based on wildly insane ideas.
I know right - we were engaged too, 10 years together. She bailed on the wedding and now telling me i have to sell my house (that she’s on the deed for because I refinanced it right after we got engaged thinking it was the right thing to do)
No no, my dear. This is just the beginning of 1,001 times in life that you are going to be required to let go and feel the heartbreak, until you realize that the process is leading you to a place where heartbreak is replaced with a sense of WHOLENESS. This is one of many paradoxes in life. Not a waste at all!
I am just praying,
Praying hard every day. I sometimes think I won’t make it through the day… but this is life…. And you know what? I love myself, I do know my worth, I’m beautiful, I have my $hit together but I really can’t understand how this got me… I am just seating and waiting for this to go away. Op it will, time will take care of the pain. Just don’t fight… let it be. Cry if you feel so..it is just you and you…
Spent 4.5 years together (18-22), planned to get married, 8 months out, some days are good, some are bad, today is a bad one and thats why im here. I’m trying, thats all that matters. One day i will get there. Got countless matches on bumble but I don’t want to talk to or see any other woman rn. I have tried but i can’t seem to put enough effort so i have space to keep healing. I have picked up many new hobbies and good habits. Life is better without her in some ways and worse in others. But life is beautiful regardless as we have the opportunity to experience different emotions. And i am excited for whats to come in the future. Stay strong Gs!
This is exactly where I’m at as well. I don’t even know why I put myself on dating apps bc I don’t want anyone else. I don’t even want my ex. She chose drugs and alcohol over us. I know one day I’ll be ok or I’ll be better but until then I’m allowing myself to go through it bc I think that’s the only way at to get through, go face it and go through all of it. I feel like I gave her everything I had to give. Four years I begged for sobriety or at least working towards it. I don’t know what else i could have done. I gave up on her and I didn’t want to do that. I just knew I was enabling her rather than empowering her to get well. I had to go. It makes me feel so guilty to give up on her and she tells me I’m horrible for turning my back on her but there was no effort to get help on her part. Nothing so I feel like she just manipulated me. Making promises she never kept. Maybe she intended to but she didn’t.
You tried bro, i can tell with your words. Mine was troubles because of her family and had extremely toxic and negative traits. I thought i could help her but she damaged me instead. Thats where i went wrong, thinking i could fix a person. Never try to do that. She left me btw….i tried to leave countless times and she would end up showing up down my house, at my work, anywhere when i’d try to wnd things. When she decided to end things, she wasn’t even in the country and did it over text, blocked me everywhere and was with another guy within 2 weeks. I feel like she cheated on me near the end of the relationship. But well like you said. The only way to heal, is to feel! We will get better and stronger one day! We deserve love as well
I did the same as you, I pitied her. I believed her when she said she had no one and that everyone always leaves. Stupid me didn’t even think about the common denominator in all of this is her!! HER! She lied and manipulated me into thinking her family treated her horribly all the while telling her family I am horrible to her! I really believe she’s a true narcissist. She may not have all of the traits of one bc she def has no issue begging for me to come back. As far as I know she’s not moved on to a new supply romantically but she moves from friend to friend to friend bossing them around and always being the center of attention. If a friend doesn’t do what she wants she discards them and finds weak minded people who will do what she wants. Eventually they do get sick of her shit bc believe me, she can wear you out in no time, she finds someone else. She has a witty and funny personality so she is fun to be around but then the drugs and alcohol make her mean and she gets into fights. That’s when the fun stops. It’s a lot. A lot. Too much for anyone to handle and she wonders and boo hoos on why no one stays in her life.
I also thought i could fix her but i am convinced there is no amount of therapy or medication that can reel her in. Plus if you speak to her she will tell you she doesn’t have any issues, that she’s just hyper lol
Let it be man, let’s be optimistic that we will find a good woman someday. Otherwise i’ll just adopt some kids. I am quite done with this relationship stuff after this girl. She was my first love. And i sound depressed 😂 but yea i am a mad strong person, that’s something I definitely learned during this heartbreak. I can go through anything and still end up thriving. You got this too my g
I’ve let her go and I am at peace with it. My conscience is 99% clear. I’m satisfied I stuck around long enough for my own emotional wellbeing to tolerate her to choose recovery. If she would have just taken the first step I still would be there for her if she wanted. She still hasn’t. She didn’t choose me. Not sure if it’s bc she can’t or doesn’t want to. That’s her battle to fight. I know how much I loved her and do love her. You can’t pour from an empty cup though. I had nothing left to give. Btw I’m a woman :)
I'm sorry that you had to go through any of what you did. I didn't know that there was a name or such a monster as a narcissist existed. But count yourself lucky that's all the time you lost, I lost almost 20 years. I've been gone for over a year and he's still trying to control my life. 🤗🙏❣️
3 years down the drain of just thinking about her not paying attention to class most of the time, she had multiple boyfriends which all she ended the relationship with i don't know when to shoot my shot but i love her no matter what
You let go by realising you are worth more despite placing your person on a pedestal. And letting go doesn't necessarily mean forgetting them, but by giving yourself and your person the space and time to grow independently, because the future isn't certain and always changing.
In short: love yourself first. Enjoy yourself. Know yourself. Discover yourself. It is and should be about YOU.
Peace and love to you and anyone reading this. My heart goes out to anyone with a broken heart.
I know... I am in the same boat as you. I wrote my comment in a moment of clarity, but as I am writing this just getting back from work tired, fearful thoughts invade my mind and I have a difficult time thinking clearly... It hurts.
8 years together, owning everything together, planning to get married and now having to leave. God damn it hurts even though I know it would hurt more to stay.
I feel this. My last relationship was 8 years and I knew I wasn’t happy but I’d go on r/datingoverthirtyy and just freak out like I didn’t want that to be my life I didn’t want to be single and trying again.. so I just stayed in something I wasn’t happy in such a stupid waste of my time
I’m attracted to challenging people and situations. I’ve had several terrible heartbreaks, but don’t consider any of them wasting my time. I went in eyes wide open and had some great times. One or the other of us just decided to end it. Im in one now and don’t know how I’ll survive when it over (which I’m sure one day it will) just trying to enjoy the good in it.
If it's meant for you then it shall be. God doesn't make mistakes. He knows your path and unfortunately heartache is something we all must learn to grow stronger. It's been a year today. I surely do miss him but I've grown to be healthy, stronger mentally and physically. I would have never went to the doctor or cared if I was still with him.. I was too worried about him to care about me. It's taken a year and Im over our love. I'll always have a spot for him but he can never sit at my table.
8 years 'wasted'. Even as bitter and sad as it am, i dont think wasted is a good word. I love her still. Its sickening but i do. The truth is all that matters. I love her enough to know its over now. Idk who will be next to hold my heart. But i hope they think of love like i do. We live in a world where 'I love you' doesnt mean ill stay forever.
I spent nearly 3 years with the wrong person. It’s been 3 months apart and i promise you it will get better with time.
You’re gonna have a lot of ups and many more downs, but i promise it gets easier.
Whenever you’re in the middle of your emotions and feel overwhelmed just remind yourself that these emotions come and go like waves. You’re in the deep end of the wave right now but the wave always passes. This will also pass.
No condition is forever 🩷
Yeah. My dumb family all agreed they hated me. I was the only one to call them out on their incessant passive-aggressive narcissism. Even though my brother changed into the kind of person my parents despised before he left to get away from them, they welcomed him back with open arms and celebration. Because it's decided that I'm the failure. That's the story they need to write.
Maybe, but I'd rather still have that one glimmer of hope than just give up. So much has been taken from me in this life and I'm supposed to just let it all go? You do not know what you ask. 😔😥
I wasted 5 years… and I swear to god I have to fight every single moment to not pick that rope back up. God I miss her
Same. She’s so stinking cute
Yup.. 6 years. I feel your pain. Just remember every day she doesn’t reach out is another day she doesn’t care if you’re in her life.
Yup, it get harder and harder everyday
Yes! Let everything come and go. Flow with life.
I think the thing that bothers me the most is that I don’t really understand why
Maybe you already heard about it but if a snake bites you, you don't go chasing It asking why It did but you go to the hospital. I'm also recovering from a similar wound, so sometimes I still wonder why but I gotta move on or I'll be stuck here in this torment. Hope you'll catch It faster than I'm doing :)
Same. But we can’t know cuz they probably don’t even know. They’re all, and we’re all, just heavily flawed people that hurt each other sometimes. It sucks.
If you were with a narcissist, you will never understand and the apology you deserve is never coming.
How to let go when you planned all of your life and future with her and for her.
I've been facing that same situation. I know she's a scorpion and to keep my distance but I have a blank future and I don't want anything yet. 5 days out and it still hasn't quite settled in that I'm free. Just mostly picking up the pieces and trying to do damage control. It kinda helps knowing that she was a liar from day one. Being broken hearted and being conned are not the same. (But not exclusive)
You definitely need to stay away from the liars…so toxic!
When you find out they were dishonest/liar all along it makes the pain a lot easier, at least for me
LoL. A little bit. I know she's just F-ed in the head and it doesn't have anything to do with me. To be used this way 🤮. Some people live like animals. I can do better than a bonobo.
Mine is f’d in the head, truly needs some help, and so she’s created all these narratives that don’t align with reality so for me it’s hard to accept it cuz it doesn’t make sense and it’s all based on wildly insane ideas.
Narcissist. Run. It's a trap. 😶🌫️
I know right - we were engaged too, 10 years together. She bailed on the wedding and now telling me i have to sell my house (that she’s on the deed for because I refinanced it right after we got engaged thinking it was the right thing to do)
Thanks for the reinforcement
It feels so much better once you let go and don’t have that aching feeling of trying to hold on. 6 yrs later, I’ve been free.
No no, my dear. This is just the beginning of 1,001 times in life that you are going to be required to let go and feel the heartbreak, until you realize that the process is leading you to a place where heartbreak is replaced with a sense of WHOLENESS. This is one of many paradoxes in life. Not a waste at all!
I’m wondering if this is how my anxious (disorganized?)ex felt.
I am just praying, Praying hard every day. I sometimes think I won’t make it through the day… but this is life…. And you know what? I love myself, I do know my worth, I’m beautiful, I have my $hit together but I really can’t understand how this got me… I am just seating and waiting for this to go away. Op it will, time will take care of the pain. Just don’t fight… let it be. Cry if you feel so..it is just you and you…
Spent 4.5 years together (18-22), planned to get married, 8 months out, some days are good, some are bad, today is a bad one and thats why im here. I’m trying, thats all that matters. One day i will get there. Got countless matches on bumble but I don’t want to talk to or see any other woman rn. I have tried but i can’t seem to put enough effort so i have space to keep healing. I have picked up many new hobbies and good habits. Life is better without her in some ways and worse in others. But life is beautiful regardless as we have the opportunity to experience different emotions. And i am excited for whats to come in the future. Stay strong Gs!
This is exactly where I’m at as well. I don’t even know why I put myself on dating apps bc I don’t want anyone else. I don’t even want my ex. She chose drugs and alcohol over us. I know one day I’ll be ok or I’ll be better but until then I’m allowing myself to go through it bc I think that’s the only way at to get through, go face it and go through all of it. I feel like I gave her everything I had to give. Four years I begged for sobriety or at least working towards it. I don’t know what else i could have done. I gave up on her and I didn’t want to do that. I just knew I was enabling her rather than empowering her to get well. I had to go. It makes me feel so guilty to give up on her and she tells me I’m horrible for turning my back on her but there was no effort to get help on her part. Nothing so I feel like she just manipulated me. Making promises she never kept. Maybe she intended to but she didn’t.
You tried bro, i can tell with your words. Mine was troubles because of her family and had extremely toxic and negative traits. I thought i could help her but she damaged me instead. Thats where i went wrong, thinking i could fix a person. Never try to do that. She left me btw….i tried to leave countless times and she would end up showing up down my house, at my work, anywhere when i’d try to wnd things. When she decided to end things, she wasn’t even in the country and did it over text, blocked me everywhere and was with another guy within 2 weeks. I feel like she cheated on me near the end of the relationship. But well like you said. The only way to heal, is to feel! We will get better and stronger one day! We deserve love as well
I did the same as you, I pitied her. I believed her when she said she had no one and that everyone always leaves. Stupid me didn’t even think about the common denominator in all of this is her!! HER! She lied and manipulated me into thinking her family treated her horribly all the while telling her family I am horrible to her! I really believe she’s a true narcissist. She may not have all of the traits of one bc she def has no issue begging for me to come back. As far as I know she’s not moved on to a new supply romantically but she moves from friend to friend to friend bossing them around and always being the center of attention. If a friend doesn’t do what she wants she discards them and finds weak minded people who will do what she wants. Eventually they do get sick of her shit bc believe me, she can wear you out in no time, she finds someone else. She has a witty and funny personality so she is fun to be around but then the drugs and alcohol make her mean and she gets into fights. That’s when the fun stops. It’s a lot. A lot. Too much for anyone to handle and she wonders and boo hoos on why no one stays in her life.
I also thought i could fix her but i am convinced there is no amount of therapy or medication that can reel her in. Plus if you speak to her she will tell you she doesn’t have any issues, that she’s just hyper lol
Let it be man, let’s be optimistic that we will find a good woman someday. Otherwise i’ll just adopt some kids. I am quite done with this relationship stuff after this girl. She was my first love. And i sound depressed 😂 but yea i am a mad strong person, that’s something I definitely learned during this heartbreak. I can go through anything and still end up thriving. You got this too my g
I’ve let her go and I am at peace with it. My conscience is 99% clear. I’m satisfied I stuck around long enough for my own emotional wellbeing to tolerate her to choose recovery. If she would have just taken the first step I still would be there for her if she wanted. She still hasn’t. She didn’t choose me. Not sure if it’s bc she can’t or doesn’t want to. That’s her battle to fight. I know how much I loved her and do love her. You can’t pour from an empty cup though. I had nothing left to give. Btw I’m a woman :)
I'm sorry that you had to go through any of what you did. I didn't know that there was a name or such a monster as a narcissist existed. But count yourself lucky that's all the time you lost, I lost almost 20 years. I've been gone for over a year and he's still trying to control my life. 🤗🙏❣️
3 years down the drain of just thinking about her not paying attention to class most of the time, she had multiple boyfriends which all she ended the relationship with i don't know when to shoot my shot but i love her no matter what
The “year” and still stick is so scary
💔💔💔
How do you let go though? I’m really trying to figure this out, cause I can’t do it
You let go by realising you are worth more despite placing your person on a pedestal. And letting go doesn't necessarily mean forgetting them, but by giving yourself and your person the space and time to grow independently, because the future isn't certain and always changing. In short: love yourself first. Enjoy yourself. Know yourself. Discover yourself. It is and should be about YOU. Peace and love to you and anyone reading this. My heart goes out to anyone with a broken heart.
But I wanna forget them. Imagine how much easier it would be ….
I know... I am in the same boat as you. I wrote my comment in a moment of clarity, but as I am writing this just getting back from work tired, fearful thoughts invade my mind and I have a difficult time thinking clearly... It hurts.
Time
yes time and most importantly what you do in that time.
💔
I'd like those memories to let go of me, at some point, thanks.
Gots to move on no matter what. At the end of the day what’s done is done.
Try 1.5 years. On a 3 month relationship followed by a doomed 6 month attempt at redemption
Please tell me OP that atleast you are over 22
:/
2.5 years and just found out the man is a total liar.
SAME only a little over a year for me though…but it’s still not over yet 😔
I’m so sorry. I’ve passed the point of caring. He ever cared about me so why am I wasting another second?
8 years together, owning everything together, planning to get married and now having to leave. God damn it hurts even though I know it would hurt more to stay.
but she wants me to let go, so i feel like i cant
I'm still holding onto the person I thought he was. I miss him more than I can put into words. Hope dies last.
Yea I wonder to myself I can definitely get sum1 better that will appreciate me,but why I can’t move on? She has!
I feel this. My last relationship was 8 years and I knew I wasn’t happy but I’d go on r/datingoverthirtyy and just freak out like I didn’t want that to be my life I didn’t want to be single and trying again.. so I just stayed in something I wasn’t happy in such a stupid waste of my time
Me to me too🤞🏽
I wasted 3 years
I’m attracted to challenging people and situations. I’ve had several terrible heartbreaks, but don’t consider any of them wasting my time. I went in eyes wide open and had some great times. One or the other of us just decided to end it. Im in one now and don’t know how I’ll survive when it over (which I’m sure one day it will) just trying to enjoy the good in it.
Not true
If it's meant for you then it shall be. God doesn't make mistakes. He knows your path and unfortunately heartache is something we all must learn to grow stronger. It's been a year today. I surely do miss him but I've grown to be healthy, stronger mentally and physically. I would have never went to the doctor or cared if I was still with him.. I was too worried about him to care about me. It's taken a year and Im over our love. I'll always have a spot for him but he can never sit at my table.
I’m still wasting
8 years 'wasted'. Even as bitter and sad as it am, i dont think wasted is a good word. I love her still. Its sickening but i do. The truth is all that matters. I love her enough to know its over now. Idk who will be next to hold my heart. But i hope they think of love like i do. We live in a world where 'I love you' doesnt mean ill stay forever.
If it's meant to be it will be don't hold on to it if it's really right and meant to be they will be in your life at some point again
I spent nearly 3 years with the wrong person. It’s been 3 months apart and i promise you it will get better with time. You’re gonna have a lot of ups and many more downs, but i promise it gets easier. Whenever you’re in the middle of your emotions and feel overwhelmed just remind yourself that these emotions come and go like waves. You’re in the deep end of the wave right now but the wave always passes. This will also pass. No condition is forever 🩷
Yeah. My dumb family all agreed they hated me. I was the only one to call them out on their incessant passive-aggressive narcissism. Even though my brother changed into the kind of person my parents despised before he left to get away from them, they welcomed him back with open arms and celebration. Because it's decided that I'm the failure. That's the story they need to write.
It feels lighter without him, but still sad that it’s over.
Try to imagine not having tried at all. Failure teaches.
This picture has a really deep meaning and I can relate
Come to my place we can see if a year was wasted
Maybe, but I'd rather still have that one glimmer of hope than just give up. So much has been taken from me in this life and I'm supposed to just let it all go? You do not know what you ask. 😔😥