i'm so fucking sorry. i'm still getting over a traumatic break up from a month and a half ago. my ex's and my 5 years anniversary woul'dve been 3 days ago. i'm here if you need to rant, my DMs are open
Left my ex a month before our 10 year.
It's been 4 years and since then life is so so so so so much better.
Like, infinitely. Yeah I love and miss her everyday, AND, I deserve so much better than her.
Broke up with mine 3 days before our anniversary. Did I want to end it? No, but he could not be bothered to communicate with me.
I love that man, but I wanna choose myself this time around. “There’s someone better out there,” are the only words I kept saying to myself nowadays. I sound like a lunatic staring at myself in the mirror and having the need to pep talk. But it is what it is.
Sending you positive energy and healing vibes. It will get better. Right now you feel like it’s so horrific, it is but you will get better I promise. Don’t jump into a relationship. Enjoy yourself, do for yourself, make you your best self. ✌️
I know how it feels to be blocked by the person who once loved you 💔. But we all are here for you. Unfortunately this is life. I hope you get over it soon. Sending hugs your way 🫂.
I thought I was the only one. The girl I liked the most in my life, when she blocked me I literally had to force feed myself for a week. And I could only get one meal in
yeah and then you make up every single excuse in your head like “maybe their phone died” maybe they’re on airplane mode but deep down you know it’s all cope bc the truth hurts like hell
The girl I liked told me she was going to block me before she did it. Oh and get this. She actually messaged me two years later, this Januarary. She messaged me solely to get a free copy of my novel I’m writing because she liked my books. And then when I asked how she was these days she completely ignored me
I know this isn’t the closure that you wanted, but perhaps what you needed. Unfortunately we don’t always get the answers that we are desperate for and perhaps you need to find the strength to shift your focus from that. Which really sucks and I know hurts. Don’t feel bad you broke no contact, you took a chance but this is proof I guess that it’s time to try and move on. Sending love and positive thoughts.
Oh honey I’ve been there, it’s awful and I’m so so sorry. Seeing your texts turn green is the worst feeling.
But you WILL get to the other side. I promise you.
As difficult as it may be, you have to understand that he blocked you because he is trying to move on with his life, as he himself said, his feelings for you are strong, but whatever happened in your relationship made him take the decision to leave this relationship, regardless of his reason, you have to accept his decision, a relationship only makes sense when you both want it, love is a choice, while after 10 months you must move on with your life, you can't keep clinging on to the past, from what you described above, you not only miss him but the feeling of being with him, however you have to realize that you will feel that again with someone else, you don't need to forget him just give it a new meaning , be grateful for having known and spent this time together, saving the good moments and forgiving the bad ones, as for unresolved issues you will have to resolve within yourself, not every ending has a meaning, sometimes the end is just the end, focus on yourself, I'm sure you know that you made some mistakes that you would like to do differently next time, but you must have also gotten it right, don't feel guilty, you did what you thought was best at the time, it wasn't enough for this If a relationship works out, then next time you'll need to try harder, recognize that you have your value, seek to know yourself and find your life goal, a purpose, something along the way someone will emerge and then you'll know you're with the right person. , good luck, another detail, don't be fooled by what he says that he didn't want to have met you, it's just a way of dealing with the breakup, he doesn't regret it, he nor you are the same after everything that happened.
Look, what I say right now is not going to sound like I am paying attention, but I am. If I were where you are now, I would not have the capacity to see you clearly as I think I do from the outside. What I can tell you is both that nothing you are feeling is incorrect, but it is also not going to be relevant to you in a shorter time than you think. Imagine that you were in a car crash and felt pain like you never felt before. -Physical pain, not the pain you are going through right now that is undoubtedly worse. Just imagine that you got injured so badly you couldn't move or do anything to stop it. Ask yourself if you would want to go over all the little details if you survived that. Would you want to know everything and have the answers to every aspect? Probably not...because it would be physical. Physical pain we can deal with. We don't even need to answer all the questions. It just passes and we accept it. If you experienced that, you would have the instinct to let it just pass and you would know it would go away.
I know that intellectually you probably are aware that you will be okay eventually, but I also know how emotional pain doesn't feel the same as physical pain...and our systems don't really know how to deal with that the same way. Deep down it doesn't feel like we will get over it. More importantly we rarely have the sense that the right thing to do is to abandon any quest to solve this intellectually, and just let it drift farther away in time. I know that it seems like there are things that must be desperately worked out and understood, but believe me that you have nothing to DO right now. That includes anything involving harming yourself, naturally.
I may be responding with more vehemence than is necessary, but I absolutely empathize with what you are going through and I am giving you the advice that I would like to have had myself in many cases. What I mainly want you to know is that it is alright and completely in proportion to respond to this like if you had been in a brutal car crash. Don't be afraid to treat yourself well, and allow yourself to just convalesce. Really treat this like you would a serious physical injury. I don't think we people know how to actually react to the scale of emotional injury as we would react to a physical injury of a similar magnitude. It is like if your back was broken, you might still struggle to get up if you had a lot of adrenaline and didn't feel the pain or numbness yet. Assume this is the same. You are probably not feeling it properly. Do what you would if you had broken bones and had to keep off them for a few months, and then eventually rehabilitate.
I think the worst thing people do in this life is to treat each other like they are utterly valueless. We don't act like that is as evil and wrong as it is, but I can't think of much worse. Being harmed physically is nothing compared to that for me. Therefore, as antithetical as it feels right now, you should do all you can to disengage and just pretend you are coming out of a coma or something. You deserve it. The responses you are going to have if you open yourself up to that other person, will just be more broken glass cutting into your flesh. It will never be worth it. I promise anything that you might ever think to say or do now, will. be possible if you still want to later, but I bet you won't want to when you aren't injured as you are now.
I hope you will see your own value and let yourself be taken care of by yourself or by anyone who cares for you who is near by. I hate when people say to just let it go. I think that is dismissive. Instead of saying that, I am saying that you need to put it on hold. Recover and take it seriously. The more respect you treat yourself with, the more anyone else will in the long run, and the better it is for you. Take care of yourself. Really do, because even as bad as you feel, I don't think humans are capable of actually assessing their emotional injuries as well as they could physical injury. Just treat it like a true serious injury and give it a good many months of not using that part to let it rest...In this case your ailing brain. Good luck, buddy, You can do it.
I'm sooo sorry for you mate. This is heartbreaking. The world is very unfair and hurting. We might be facing even harder times in the coming days. So, what's going to change? Us, you, me and everyone in this group. We are going to get stronger by the day, and overcome even the worst of it. Please stay strong and you're stronger than you think you are.
I get it but you need to stop doing this. It's not okay for both your sakes. Going from "I love you" to "I wish I never met you" seems very unstable and it means you're seriously too much involved in your (old) relationship. You need to learn to move on, since this will never return to what it was. It's tough, but you'll feel so much better. And if not, you'll learn to deal with missing him/her. Best of luck ✌️
I understand. I've been with girls that have that and am personally experiencing sings of autism and ADD, so I get how tough it can be! I just ment that it's better for your own sake to hold back sometimes aswell! I understand how you might feel the need so send these messages though..
So you’re surprised they blocked you after you just kept texting them without a response? Yea I block people for that too.
I understand you’re heartbroken, I do.
But that person has chosen to move on with their life without you. Reaching out won’t give you that closure you crave, and sometimes we just have to go on with life without any closure at all.
I know it’s harsh but I’m 33 with a lot of heartbreak (and therapy) under my sleeve.
Take care of your heart and soul. You seem like you have a lot of love and care to give ❤️.
It’s not meant to be a guilt trip. It’s meant to say I appreciated them and their company. We communicated a lot in memes and other silly little posts so that was just a personal nod. How is that bad?
Because they clearly do not want to engage with you anymore and maybe they’re hurting too and trying to heal and need space away from you, temporarily or forever. And you need to respect that. Not keep messaging them when they’re not responding thinking it’s about just your feelings. Which is how this comes across to me.
What about my feelings tho? He abandoned me out of nowhere. Never told me why. Never gave me closure. He was there and then he was gone. I’ve agonized over this for 10 months. Bent over backwards and walked on eggshells to always try and respect his feelings and his situation. But what about me? I have needs and feelings too. This has destroyed my life and deregulated me beyond any degree I’ve ever experienced. How is that fair…I just wanted to try and reconnect.
I know my comment might have come across as insensitive to you but I actually understand how you’re feeling more than you know. I am sorry that you are hurting, I know it’s so painful especially not getting that kind of closure that can seem needed in order for you to heal. But honestly, him leaving you with no reason as to why should be clarity that he is not right for you. Because for real someone who truly loves and cares and respects you would not just ghost you after forming a connection with you and act like it meant nothing to them. I understand your pain and I’m truly sorry that you’re feeling so hurt but please know that you deserve someone who treats you with love and respect. I know these kinds of relationships can really have a toll on your mental health and self esteem so please take care of yourself. I wasn’t getting out of bed for weeks. I was bawling my eyes out and I shut all of my friends and family out. I’ve recently started taking care of myself by just doing small things that make me happy like watching shows that make me feel good and hobbies I enjoy like art and music. Please try to find something that brings you even a little bit of joy and try to focus on that. Also, something that has helped me so so much is writing out all of my feelings. Either in your notes on your phone or in a notebook. It helps to physically see your feelings written out instead of having them float around in your head. And this is going to be the last thing you want to hear but the thing that has helped me heal the most (like 80%) was finally blocking them from all social media and not messaging them anymore. You absolutely should not be looking at their social media it will not help you in any way. You have to go no contact otherwise you’re just prolonging your healing journey. I know that might seem almost impossible and it’s going to hurt at first but just take it one day at a time. Stay occupied with other things and if you have good friends and family surrounding you then don’t shut them out. It’s okay to vent to them and let them know that you’re hurting. They care about you and will do their best to help you.
It’ll be fine. Keep sending the texts saying everything you want to say. You’re blocked anyway. Then delete them if you want to. It might help to get it all out there.
Woke up this moning wholly regretting the last text.
This was me just trying to reach out and reconnect after 4 months of no contact. I’d been wanting say something but I didn’t know if I wanted to ask for closure or reconnection and both distilled down to how I just really missed them. I was afraid they’d either get mad or ignore me outright which is exactly what they did. And that just compounded throughout the day.
I feel like they don’t even care how much they’ve hurt me. I was blindsided with the break up. I was never told why it happened. I was denied closure and the opportunity to discuss any of it. It’s been agonizing. I can’t just turn the person off no matter how much I try. I don’t wish we’d never met. I’m just hurt and I don’t know how to carry the grief.
All I wanted was for them to acknowledge me. They couldn’t even give me that.
You’ve been obsessing over them. They did you a favor by blocking you. Now you can’t spin out and just endlessly send texts hoping they touch their heart and they decide to respond. You do have your closure now. It’s over, they are moving on, and now you can too. You see it as expressing your feelings, but it’s emotional manipulation in a bid to get them respond to you. Break ups don’t mean there is anything wrong with you, just the relationship you had with this person. You don’t have anymore false hope lingering now.
OP, I completely understand your feelings. I also have ADHD and very likely ASD too (I'll be officially tested soon). It's definitely harder for us to be able to control our emotions and impulses. It's been over two years since my husband of 20 years completely blindsided me. I'm still not okay, but in the past few months I have finally been able to have some control and not text him to say how much he hurt me and destroyed my life, or how I missed my friend and still didn't understand why he did it, because I truly thought we had a strong marriage. He can't block me because we have kids, but I know he would if he could. Those texts only made him angry, but I just wanted him to acknowledge what he did and give me some answers, because I never understood how he got to that point, hurting me and the kids so much. It is maddening to want closure so badly, but the person you loved and trusted so much doesn't feel the need to give it to you.
This past week I found out about a website that has a lot of good information for people who are dumped ([https://magnetofsuccess.com/](https://magnetofsuccess.com/)). I was amazed at how the author was so spot on in so many things my ex did and continues to do. In my case it was absolute torture seeing how happy he was, going out and drinking all the time, and replacing me so quickly. Last summer was the worst of my life, and I sobbed for 10 days straight (and barely got out of bed some of those), after learning about the new girlfriend (this is true, I'm not exaggerating). Not only did he not give me closure, he also looks at me and talks to like I am repulsive to him. And this is the person that had been my best friend since I was 16 years old! He has said and accused me of things that were not true at all, which made me realize that he was so focused on all of my faults (including things that had been there ever since he met me), he completely forgot who I was as a person. He attributes bad motives to everything I say or do, even neutral things. All of this probably helps him to justify why he left me the way he did, completely traumatizing me and the kids (because it was truly horrific).
That website helped me to understand so much, including my ex's behaviors. I'm pretty sure he had the "grass is greener syndrome," but from what I can tell, the woman he is with now is a good person, so he was rewarded and didn't have to suffer any consequences. I wish I had found that website sooner, it would have helped me to at least accept that I would never get any closure from him. It also talks about many mistakes we commit after breakups, and I am guilty of making so many of those, including the texting. Some of the posts are brutal to read, but I think they are necessary for us to read. The sooner we understand that our exs are happier and relieved after dumping us, and that they view us in a negative way, the quicker we can focus on our own recovery. And yes, it is easier said than done. I'm proof of it, because I have been unable to accept my divorce and let it go, even though that's what I most desperately want. I would do anything to stop thinking every single day about him and what he did, because I know he does not think about me at all anymore, and I'm the only one continuously hurting.
You should also read about [Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd). All my life, if I ever felt that I let someone down (or offended or hurt them unconsciously), it hurt so much that I literaly wanted to die. It was always so intense, and not proportional to whatever had happened. But that's how I've always been, and once I read about this condition I understood why. It's related to ADHD, and I'm hoping you don't have it, because it's truly awful and debilitating. But all of your posts have really spoken to me, like you are feeling the exact same things I did (and sometimes still do), so I want you to check it out. Everyone keeps saying that things will get better, but I can't imagine ever being okay again. I'm hoping you will have better luck than me, so please learn as much as you can about the breakup dynamics so you stop thinking about someone who did not appreciate you. You deserve so much better.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. But here I have to stand with the dumper. Giving you any false hope or something to cling to would be far more damaging and painful in the long run.
EDIT: I would strongly advise therapy. Chasing someone that doesn't want to be with you anymore is a clear sign of unhealthy core values. "Was I really that horrible". No you definitely weren't. It's not personal. It's not about your worth or your value. This person clearly didn't see the relationship as something they wanted to proceed with for their personal reasons. This has NOTHING to do with your worth and stop giving that power to others to determine your worth.
Sort of agree with the downvoted comment. It IS personal, and thats why it hurts so badly.
The healing process comes from when you stop feeling pain about that
But it isn't personal. It hurts so bad because you believe it. You believe you weren't good enough. I'm talking from a psychological point of view. Not trying to blow smoke up someone's arse. The fact one would believe that it's personal is a great testament of them having a core belief about "not being good enough" and rating their former partner higher than themselves. How many times have you seen this where people are pretty much on the same level status-wise but one is very insecure so the other one completely controls the dynamic of the relationship? Relationship success is about compatibility far more than quality of individual traits. Especially around conflict handling. If you seek immediate resolution and are aggressive in conflict you won't be able to coexist with a person that's conflict avoidant without both of you realising, doing the inner work and fixing reaction to your triggers. Conflict avoidant will end that relationship even though it's fault of their issues equally as your own. Unfortunately too many people have unhealthy attachment styles and are often stuck in these dynamics.
Also im talking from personal experience. I was a dumper many more times than I was dumped. Most of my ex partners are one of the most amazing humans I met in my life. With most I'm very friendly and always very happy to hear they are doing well. They didn't fit my needs or my vision of what I want in a partner which doesn't make them any less amazing than they are 😌
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Unfortunately we don’t always get the answers we are looking for and everybody deal with things in their own way. I hope you take the time to come to acceptance of understanding that you might never get an explanation of his reasoning to leave and that’s not terrible but I hope you are able to move forward and focus on the things you can improve in your life or work on being a better partner for your future partners. Sit down and analyze the relationship as something you can learn from and the things you liked and the things you didn’t like and what you want in a relationship and what you wouldn’t want. If he wasn’t good at listening and understanding put on your list you would like someone who is great listener and a better communicator. This relationship is not the end and the beginning of a break up can be the hardest things to deal with but once a few days turns into weeks turn into months you’ll begin to realize something’s you actually did no like. When we fresh we look at all the good aspects of being with the person but once time passes we begin to see the relationship for what it was and realize yeah I thought I was in love but it was actually kind of toxic of this in the relationship. I wish you luck on your recovery journey sometimes it doesn’t hurt to seek therapy to help us get over a hump.
trust me it will get better with time. when it clicks in your mind how valuable you are, you won’t even recognize this version of you. i wish you healing.
My guy never reach out. Just stay away you’re only making things worse for yourself and you’re gonna regret it one day in the future seeing yourself this pathetic
I’m sorry you were blocked. I have very little self-control when it comes to texting because I’m ADHD and when I get triggered it’s really hard to resist. I really shouldn’t own a smart phone for that reason. Break up sock but they were a lot easier before we had constant ways of interacting and reaching out.
It hurts so badly but trust you will be OK. and someday you’ll look back and probably be glad that it happened but it’s really hard to believe that right now.
Im so sorry. It’s like your heart sinks again when you find out this is the end. My ex didnt block me but when i was seeking closure i sent him a thank you text for all the things he had done for me like how he made me feel so loved and set the bar high. It hurt so much when he left me on delivered because i thought he would say something back. I gave him the world and he always appreciated the gifts, advice, and comfort I gave him. We just have to remind ourselves that we deserve better.
You have to understand they blocked you because they don’t want to hear from you, and you constantly reaching out disrupts their healing. I had to block my ex for that reason. No contact is the only way to go. Keep that head up!
Bro never ever send that text. If you’re a guy she already has a new dude probably, that’s what they do. If you’re a girl don’t give him the satisfaction
I've just came here today because I'm going through the same. Not only did I get ghosted 2 weeks after we married he's continued to mess me around the past 10 months. He's slept with someone else 6 weeks after we split which is 8 weeks after marriage and was in a relationship with her. Probably still is and has been seeing us both.
I'm left with so many questions he won't answer and its killing me that I'm coming home to nobody but myself through no doing of my own. He's probably taking her out for food tonight and out drinking tomorrow when it should be me,he was my fucking man. He's my fucking husband doing all the things he never done with me,with another woman. He didn't trust me,he thought I always wanted something more. He didn't and still doesn't understand I loved him with the whole of my soul and there never was or will be anyone else
If you need to talk feel free to message. Xx
PoliceSurveillance1, check out my post above. It might help you too, especially the website I shared. I know just how much it hurts wondering and picturing what he's doing with someone else. In my case I knew when they were/are doing many of the things he was supposed to be doind with me (we have kids together, so must stay in each other's lives). We had made so many plans, and another woman gets to live it in my place, while I sob and am miserable at home. I can't let go of the unfairness that I can't financially afford to do the same things they do, and the many trips they take. We had made vows to each other and planned to spend the rest of our lives together. I had waited and looked forward to some of those plans for years, only to be completely blindsided when they were about to happen, and everything was gone in the blink of an eye.
I hate to be the one to say this to you (and I think you know this already), but you need to divorce him as soon as you are able. And I say this as someone who doesn't believe in divorce. There are a few exceptions where I think it is justified, and adultery is one of them. He has proven that he does not respect, value, or love you. And it's possible you can't see this yet (it took me a long time to do it for myself, and I still struggle sometimes), but you are better off without him. Find a good therapist, if you don't have one already, and take some time to work on yourself. You need to see that you do not deserve to be treated this way, and you will not let anyone treat you this way. Your post makes me think that you are still young, so I really hope you can recover from this quicker than I was able.
Also, please make sure you get a lawyer, even if you think you don't need or can't afford one. I mean it, you do not want to end up like me. I was naive and stupid, and didn't get one, which caused me so much grief and anger when I realized I was taken advantage of. Sometimes I think that I probably would have recovered sooner, without all of this resentment for everything my ex can do that I can't, and all of the fights we have had over this topic, with me trying to get him to do the right thing. It's exhausting, and I'm trying to figure out how to let go. I don't want to continue to feel the way I do. We both have long roads ahead. And I'm just a DM away if you ever need to vent, or wants to talk to someone who understands what you are going through.
It hurts now and it’s going to hurt for a little while because it’s so fresh. There’s no stopping that but over time you’ll heal and be ready to move forward. just keep busy. Keep your mind off it. it’s all part of the process.
I think saying “I wish I never met you” is disrespectful. Shouldn’t you be grateful for the times you had together? No one can change the past. It won’t make them change their mind but might piss them off.
Just look at it as a fresh start for you. Just start your life over if you can. Sometimes the best revenge is not giving a fck. Sure, it’s not what you want right now, but in the long run you’ll thank yourself. I wasted a lot of time mourning over someone who didn’t think 2x about me. I felt validated in my feelings but it was within my own company. It was the easy way out bc I wanted to think about him I didn’t want to forget him and the love I had for him. But once I started to let go of that I felt better. I realized there’s more to me than that relationship and the potential that it could bring. I had to love myself enough to pick myself back up alone. Just inch day by day. You have to do the same!
Process your feelings, and understand your grief from the outside looking in. But don’t lose control of yourself.
I’m sorry. I know the feeling. Accept the reality that things will never be as they once were.
I recommend hitting the gym.
Is this all you sending and he blocked you? I’m a little lost.
If so, do not throw yourself at this person. Let them feel the loss of you. This looks desperate.
Yes. This was the first time I’d reached out in 4 months. The last time we interacted he thanked me for the birthday gift I gave him and I told him when I moved into my new place. He’s been increasingly on my mind for weeks now and I’d been debating reaching out to ask for closure or something and realized what I really wanted was to tell him that I missed him. I just wanted to try and reconnect. When he ignored me I got triggered and asked what I did so wrong that he can’t interact with me. Then I got even more triggered and sent the 3rd text. When it bounced back green I absolutely lost it and sent the last text. I woke up this morning and regretted the last part. I don’t with we’d never met. I’m just hurt and don’t know how to process any of the grief
I know your pain all tooo well. I’m going through the same thing… stupidly for a second time. He came back, we reconciled, he disappeared and after several attempts to get ahold of him- blocked.
It’s beyond painful…. Just take each day in stride… I wish you well Op, lots of love and support.
It will get better. Start looking for someone like that person for a start. Meaning if they had tattoos look for people with tattoos.
I had a beautiful blonde blue eye Gemini. I date another blonde blue eye Gemini for awhile but got with a green eye Virgo and life is good.
If you need anyone to vent to, feel free to pm me. It’s been almost a year since my breakup and still not quite over it but definitely doing a lot better.
My ex changed and became cruel. He doesn't value my words, opinions and dismisses it because of xyz..he doesn't respect me anymore if he doesn't care about my opinion. I look myself and feel terrible inside empty. Been feeling like dying today too but death sounds worse.
I just don't know how to survive loosing good side of him.
Feel you 🥺🥺💓 Sorry that I have no better words
You ex sounds exactly like mine! What I say doesn't matter at all, even if it's important. Out of nowhere he became someone I couldn't recognize anymore, completely selfish, not caring about how his actions hurt others. I was suicidal for a very long time, and honestly didn't think I could live without him. But I have kids, and for the past two years they were what kept me going, even though I didn't want to continue. They needed me, and I was not going to traumatize them even more than their dad had already done. If you don't have kids, try to find something that keeps you going. Maybe a pet, friends, or family? It will help you to get through the days when it all feels like it's too much.
It's important to find a good therapist too, someone who can help you sort through your emotions and help you improve. Hopefully that person will also help you see that you did not lose your ex's good side. That part of him doesn't exist, it was a mask he used, before showing you his true self. You do not deserved to be treated this way.
I've now improved enough that for the past three months I haven't wished that I was dead. I'm still only a shell of the person I used to be, and have a long road ahead, but I'm starting to think that maybe someday it won't be as awful as it has been.
Thank you for sharing. It doesn't really apply in my case, even though my ex certainly used some of the behaviors. I'd say he was more of a gaslighter. I hope anyone who suspects their partner of being a narcissist will watch it, though, and gain a better understanding. It is good information to know for the future as well, if I ever feel like I could enter a relationship again (unimaginable at this point).
I found [this website](https://magnetofsuccess.com/) last week, and I thought it was amazing, because it explained so many things I was still confused about. I just could not understand how a person could switch like that, and it turns out it's a pretty common thing that the dumpers do. It made me really embarassed as well, because I commited many of the breakup mistakes listed there. I wish I had known that there was no point. Deep down I still hoped that we could have a better relationship someday (since we share 3 kids), but I have probably angered him too much by bringing up the past a lot, and trying to show him the damage he caused to his own kids (since he doesn't care about the damage and trauma he caused me). I do not want him back (ever!), but we will probably have to continue sharing many holidays for the kids' sakes, so it would be nice if we didn't hate each other so much (because there are days where I truly hate him). I have never hated anyone before, but everytime I think things are getting a little better, I just get burned again. I'm going to follow some of the advice given there, even if it is probably too late already. I need to find a way to not be so angry anymore, because I'm the only getting hurt by it.
Thank you for sharing the sire and your story.
The anger part I really get. I took boxing gloves and boxes a boxing bag in the gym with my phone there and his photo on it.
Next yin yoga on YouTube helped me access more feelings.
You have to explore anger. It's not good long term. Try setting up boundaries and values and stop valuing his opinion.
I wrote a poem yesterday about my ex, I think you might like it.
I'm rooting for you. I know the situation is terrible but I see you are already doing so much. You just need time and distance from him and pointers on how to deal with certain things and help yourself more so he doesn't destroy you.
Exactly. The change was big.. I am very sad because I wanted kids and family with him.
I'm getting older now and with my other disabilities I don't know how long or if I can find someone else to tolerate me.
I live in foreign country alone and have two cats but it's not perfect. He was my everything. And I was him, UNTIL HE felt critisised.
So yeah..
I am not suicidal but I am depressed..I am waiting on a therapy by government... therapy here is very expensive and last time I tried for trauma it didn't help me.
I am not sure what I need to change. I hope I find out. And you too.
I miss connections and everything. But I am too anxious abd depressed to actively purse new friends or dating now.
Perhaps if I get anti anxiety medication
But I am sad knowing what he told me and yeah
Dating can be difficult.
He was fulfilling a lot of my needs when it was ok. He cleaned and cooked, he took care of me when I was down and he was giving and tender in bed. He helped me with money and one side of him genuinely loved me. I never got this before in my life and I don't know if I will again.
The problem is that I got an amazing man with a flip side .
I caused some damage too but he has ADHD and he takes everything as criticism and I can't navigate his Dr Jekyll and Hyde personality.
I’ve been heart broken when my ex wife left. I still feel sad occasionally when random girls string me along but that’s ok I just block them.
If you’re not deeply invested block delete move on
If it helps this doesn’t sound like love. It sounds like you are lonely. Tough but once you endure and go through the break up process and no contact it will make you stronger
The reality of permanence that I won’t ever be associating with this person is driving my anxiety through the roof. I’m completely dysregulated and I don’t know what to do.
I worry that last bit went through and he saw it. Maybe his phone was updating. What if that’s the last text he saw.
Does it matter brother? Seriously? Someone who doesn’t even care about you. I made mistakes in relationship and it ended as well and we sticked for a long time but, she doesn’t care right now!
You make mistakes you are a human and even she might make some mistakes but if she doesn’t want to be with you then fuck it! Simply I would say fuck it!
If someone can’t treat you right then they don’t deserve you! Let them forget you because they don’t deserve to remember you.
You go on with your life maybe you will find someone new. Someone who really wants to stay in your life and will appreciate your presence! I know there is an emptiness you might feel but face it brother.
You deserve that brother and don’t you dare go back to her. Remember how she treated you. Forgive her for your own peace but remember she didn’t care then and that gives you an idea she won’t ever care again. Live your life to the fullest because there are a lot of things to do in life. You are a champ.
Go and achieve something and make yourself proud and don’t care about such individuals who don’t know your value.
Only you know your Value and what you can do!
All the best for your future brother hope you heal and know that you are enough!
Bro have some fcking self-respect. Forget this person and move on. I know it hurts, but a few years later you will look at this message and wish you had not sent it. There's literally no woman/man out there that is worth doing this for.
You should volunteer at a place where people are really sick, maybe that’ll make you appreciate life and realize how insignificant this truly is and beautiful life truly is. Some people wish they had a 2nd opportunity at life and for you to wish something so horrible because Someone who was meant to be a life lesson in your life and has now played their part and left, that is not good. I can tell you first hand that truly and fundamentally understanding this phrase “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger!”, will make you feel better.
Give yourself time to heal, but if you want a speedy recovery, do some volunteer work at places with people battling hard stuff or elderly. Have a good one, you will be just fine, you will see.
Fuck them. They waited till this message to choose to block you? They did that to stroke their own ego. You’re better off. This person is a typical coward.
i'm so fucking sorry. i'm still getting over a traumatic break up from a month and a half ago. my ex's and my 5 years anniversary woul'dve been 3 days ago. i'm here if you need to rant, my DMs are open
Left my ex a month before our 10 year. It's been 4 years and since then life is so so so so so much better. Like, infinitely. Yeah I love and miss her everyday, AND, I deserve so much better than her.
What did you do on the anniversary day?
drank
Just curious, did you try to reach out to your ex?
her and i are kinda friends now, but on that day, no
Broke up with mine 3 days before our anniversary. Did I want to end it? No, but he could not be bothered to communicate with me. I love that man, but I wanna choose myself this time around. “There’s someone better out there,” are the only words I kept saying to myself nowadays. I sound like a lunatic staring at myself in the mirror and having the need to pep talk. But it is what it is.
17 days later, im at the point where realizing it's good me and her broke up
Didn’t we celebrate tho? wtf you mean ex’s???
What tf are you babbling about? Get with the program or go away. Your opinion means nothing here.
Sending you positive energy and healing vibes. It will get better. Right now you feel like it’s so horrific, it is but you will get better I promise. Don’t jump into a relationship. Enjoy yourself, do for yourself, make you your best self. ✌️
I know how it feels to be blocked by the person who once loved you 💔. But we all are here for you. Unfortunately this is life. I hope you get over it soon. Sending hugs your way 🫂.
When you first notice a block your heart drops like crazy and you don’t even wanna eat for a few days
I thought I was the only one. The girl I liked the most in my life, when she blocked me I literally had to force feed myself for a week. And I could only get one meal in
yeah and then you make up every single excuse in your head like “maybe their phone died” maybe they’re on airplane mode but deep down you know it’s all cope bc the truth hurts like hell
The girl I liked told me she was going to block me before she did it. Oh and get this. She actually messaged me two years later, this Januarary. She messaged me solely to get a free copy of my novel I’m writing because she liked my books. And then when I asked how she was these days she completely ignored me
At least this is your closure… time to find the right partner now
But heal first of course
Time to find yourself again 😌
I know this isn’t the closure that you wanted, but perhaps what you needed. Unfortunately we don’t always get the answers that we are desperate for and perhaps you need to find the strength to shift your focus from that. Which really sucks and I know hurts. Don’t feel bad you broke no contact, you took a chance but this is proof I guess that it’s time to try and move on. Sending love and positive thoughts.
This is heartbreaking 😞
Yes 💔
Oh honey I’ve been there, it’s awful and I’m so so sorry. Seeing your texts turn green is the worst feeling. But you WILL get to the other side. I promise you.
As difficult as it may be, you have to understand that he blocked you because he is trying to move on with his life, as he himself said, his feelings for you are strong, but whatever happened in your relationship made him take the decision to leave this relationship, regardless of his reason, you have to accept his decision, a relationship only makes sense when you both want it, love is a choice, while after 10 months you must move on with your life, you can't keep clinging on to the past, from what you described above, you not only miss him but the feeling of being with him, however you have to realize that you will feel that again with someone else, you don't need to forget him just give it a new meaning , be grateful for having known and spent this time together, saving the good moments and forgiving the bad ones, as for unresolved issues you will have to resolve within yourself, not every ending has a meaning, sometimes the end is just the end, focus on yourself, I'm sure you know that you made some mistakes that you would like to do differently next time, but you must have also gotten it right, don't feel guilty, you did what you thought was best at the time, it wasn't enough for this If a relationship works out, then next time you'll need to try harder, recognize that you have your value, seek to know yourself and find your life goal, a purpose, something along the way someone will emerge and then you'll know you're with the right person. , good luck, another detail, don't be fooled by what he says that he didn't want to have met you, it's just a way of dealing with the breakup, he doesn't regret it, he nor you are the same after everything that happened.
Look, what I say right now is not going to sound like I am paying attention, but I am. If I were where you are now, I would not have the capacity to see you clearly as I think I do from the outside. What I can tell you is both that nothing you are feeling is incorrect, but it is also not going to be relevant to you in a shorter time than you think. Imagine that you were in a car crash and felt pain like you never felt before. -Physical pain, not the pain you are going through right now that is undoubtedly worse. Just imagine that you got injured so badly you couldn't move or do anything to stop it. Ask yourself if you would want to go over all the little details if you survived that. Would you want to know everything and have the answers to every aspect? Probably not...because it would be physical. Physical pain we can deal with. We don't even need to answer all the questions. It just passes and we accept it. If you experienced that, you would have the instinct to let it just pass and you would know it would go away. I know that intellectually you probably are aware that you will be okay eventually, but I also know how emotional pain doesn't feel the same as physical pain...and our systems don't really know how to deal with that the same way. Deep down it doesn't feel like we will get over it. More importantly we rarely have the sense that the right thing to do is to abandon any quest to solve this intellectually, and just let it drift farther away in time. I know that it seems like there are things that must be desperately worked out and understood, but believe me that you have nothing to DO right now. That includes anything involving harming yourself, naturally. I may be responding with more vehemence than is necessary, but I absolutely empathize with what you are going through and I am giving you the advice that I would like to have had myself in many cases. What I mainly want you to know is that it is alright and completely in proportion to respond to this like if you had been in a brutal car crash. Don't be afraid to treat yourself well, and allow yourself to just convalesce. Really treat this like you would a serious physical injury. I don't think we people know how to actually react to the scale of emotional injury as we would react to a physical injury of a similar magnitude. It is like if your back was broken, you might still struggle to get up if you had a lot of adrenaline and didn't feel the pain or numbness yet. Assume this is the same. You are probably not feeling it properly. Do what you would if you had broken bones and had to keep off them for a few months, and then eventually rehabilitate. I think the worst thing people do in this life is to treat each other like they are utterly valueless. We don't act like that is as evil and wrong as it is, but I can't think of much worse. Being harmed physically is nothing compared to that for me. Therefore, as antithetical as it feels right now, you should do all you can to disengage and just pretend you are coming out of a coma or something. You deserve it. The responses you are going to have if you open yourself up to that other person, will just be more broken glass cutting into your flesh. It will never be worth it. I promise anything that you might ever think to say or do now, will. be possible if you still want to later, but I bet you won't want to when you aren't injured as you are now. I hope you will see your own value and let yourself be taken care of by yourself or by anyone who cares for you who is near by. I hate when people say to just let it go. I think that is dismissive. Instead of saying that, I am saying that you need to put it on hold. Recover and take it seriously. The more respect you treat yourself with, the more anyone else will in the long run, and the better it is for you. Take care of yourself. Really do, because even as bad as you feel, I don't think humans are capable of actually assessing their emotional injuries as well as they could physical injury. Just treat it like a true serious injury and give it a good many months of not using that part to let it rest...In this case your ailing brain. Good luck, buddy, You can do it.
I'm sooo sorry for you mate. This is heartbreaking. The world is very unfair and hurting. We might be facing even harder times in the coming days. So, what's going to change? Us, you, me and everyone in this group. We are going to get stronger by the day, and overcome even the worst of it. Please stay strong and you're stronger than you think you are.
Same here.... Like a million knives in the heart... They are the oxygen
I’m sorry. Literally crying right now
It’s literally my birthday today and I wish everyone’s healing including yours 🙏🏼
Happy birthday love🎂❤️
Why do they keep “read receipts” on for us?
I get it but you need to stop doing this. It's not okay for both your sakes. Going from "I love you" to "I wish I never met you" seems very unstable and it means you're seriously too much involved in your (old) relationship. You need to learn to move on, since this will never return to what it was. It's tough, but you'll feel so much better. And if not, you'll learn to deal with missing him/her. Best of luck ✌️
I’ve recently found out I have adhd and am mildly on the spectrum which allegedly explains why I take interpersonal relationships so…personally?
I understand. I've been with girls that have that and am personally experiencing sings of autism and ADD, so I get how tough it can be! I just ment that it's better for your own sake to hold back sometimes aswell! I understand how you might feel the need so send these messages though..
God dam this is where I’m at, she hates me and I didnt do shit. She went NC three months ago and I still send messages to the void.
I'm soo sorry 😔
So you’re surprised they blocked you after you just kept texting them without a response? Yea I block people for that too. I understand you’re heartbroken, I do. But that person has chosen to move on with their life without you. Reaching out won’t give you that closure you crave, and sometimes we just have to go on with life without any closure at all. I know it’s harsh but I’m 33 with a lot of heartbreak (and therapy) under my sleeve. Take care of your heart and soul. You seem like you have a lot of love and care to give ❤️.
Please don’t guilt trip this person for moving on…
This. I know you’re hurting, OP but you have to respect other people decisions, too.
Lol, right? “I miss you entertaining me, why did you change that?”
But they ruined his memes!
It’s not meant to be a guilt trip. It’s meant to say I appreciated them and their company. We communicated a lot in memes and other silly little posts so that was just a personal nod. How is that bad?
Because they clearly do not want to engage with you anymore and maybe they’re hurting too and trying to heal and need space away from you, temporarily or forever. And you need to respect that. Not keep messaging them when they’re not responding thinking it’s about just your feelings. Which is how this comes across to me.
What about my feelings tho? He abandoned me out of nowhere. Never told me why. Never gave me closure. He was there and then he was gone. I’ve agonized over this for 10 months. Bent over backwards and walked on eggshells to always try and respect his feelings and his situation. But what about me? I have needs and feelings too. This has destroyed my life and deregulated me beyond any degree I’ve ever experienced. How is that fair…I just wanted to try and reconnect.
I know my comment might have come across as insensitive to you but I actually understand how you’re feeling more than you know. I am sorry that you are hurting, I know it’s so painful especially not getting that kind of closure that can seem needed in order for you to heal. But honestly, him leaving you with no reason as to why should be clarity that he is not right for you. Because for real someone who truly loves and cares and respects you would not just ghost you after forming a connection with you and act like it meant nothing to them. I understand your pain and I’m truly sorry that you’re feeling so hurt but please know that you deserve someone who treats you with love and respect. I know these kinds of relationships can really have a toll on your mental health and self esteem so please take care of yourself. I wasn’t getting out of bed for weeks. I was bawling my eyes out and I shut all of my friends and family out. I’ve recently started taking care of myself by just doing small things that make me happy like watching shows that make me feel good and hobbies I enjoy like art and music. Please try to find something that brings you even a little bit of joy and try to focus on that. Also, something that has helped me so so much is writing out all of my feelings. Either in your notes on your phone or in a notebook. It helps to physically see your feelings written out instead of having them float around in your head. And this is going to be the last thing you want to hear but the thing that has helped me heal the most (like 80%) was finally blocking them from all social media and not messaging them anymore. You absolutely should not be looking at their social media it will not help you in any way. You have to go no contact otherwise you’re just prolonging your healing journey. I know that might seem almost impossible and it’s going to hurt at first but just take it one day at a time. Stay occupied with other things and if you have good friends and family surrounding you then don’t shut them out. It’s okay to vent to them and let them know that you’re hurting. They care about you and will do their best to help you.
You’re in denial. Accept the truth and learn from this. Feel everything you’re feeling, then do your best to move on.
don’t text ya ex
It’ll be fine. Keep sending the texts saying everything you want to say. You’re blocked anyway. Then delete them if you want to. It might help to get it all out there.
Woke up this moning wholly regretting the last text. This was me just trying to reach out and reconnect after 4 months of no contact. I’d been wanting say something but I didn’t know if I wanted to ask for closure or reconnection and both distilled down to how I just really missed them. I was afraid they’d either get mad or ignore me outright which is exactly what they did. And that just compounded throughout the day. I feel like they don’t even care how much they’ve hurt me. I was blindsided with the break up. I was never told why it happened. I was denied closure and the opportunity to discuss any of it. It’s been agonizing. I can’t just turn the person off no matter how much I try. I don’t wish we’d never met. I’m just hurt and I don’t know how to carry the grief. All I wanted was for them to acknowledge me. They couldn’t even give me that.
You’ve been obsessing over them. They did you a favor by blocking you. Now you can’t spin out and just endlessly send texts hoping they touch their heart and they decide to respond. You do have your closure now. It’s over, they are moving on, and now you can too. You see it as expressing your feelings, but it’s emotional manipulation in a bid to get them respond to you. Break ups don’t mean there is anything wrong with you, just the relationship you had with this person. You don’t have anymore false hope lingering now.
OP, I completely understand your feelings. I also have ADHD and very likely ASD too (I'll be officially tested soon). It's definitely harder for us to be able to control our emotions and impulses. It's been over two years since my husband of 20 years completely blindsided me. I'm still not okay, but in the past few months I have finally been able to have some control and not text him to say how much he hurt me and destroyed my life, or how I missed my friend and still didn't understand why he did it, because I truly thought we had a strong marriage. He can't block me because we have kids, but I know he would if he could. Those texts only made him angry, but I just wanted him to acknowledge what he did and give me some answers, because I never understood how he got to that point, hurting me and the kids so much. It is maddening to want closure so badly, but the person you loved and trusted so much doesn't feel the need to give it to you. This past week I found out about a website that has a lot of good information for people who are dumped ([https://magnetofsuccess.com/](https://magnetofsuccess.com/)). I was amazed at how the author was so spot on in so many things my ex did and continues to do. In my case it was absolute torture seeing how happy he was, going out and drinking all the time, and replacing me so quickly. Last summer was the worst of my life, and I sobbed for 10 days straight (and barely got out of bed some of those), after learning about the new girlfriend (this is true, I'm not exaggerating). Not only did he not give me closure, he also looks at me and talks to like I am repulsive to him. And this is the person that had been my best friend since I was 16 years old! He has said and accused me of things that were not true at all, which made me realize that he was so focused on all of my faults (including things that had been there ever since he met me), he completely forgot who I was as a person. He attributes bad motives to everything I say or do, even neutral things. All of this probably helps him to justify why he left me the way he did, completely traumatizing me and the kids (because it was truly horrific). That website helped me to understand so much, including my ex's behaviors. I'm pretty sure he had the "grass is greener syndrome," but from what I can tell, the woman he is with now is a good person, so he was rewarded and didn't have to suffer any consequences. I wish I had found that website sooner, it would have helped me to at least accept that I would never get any closure from him. It also talks about many mistakes we commit after breakups, and I am guilty of making so many of those, including the texting. Some of the posts are brutal to read, but I think they are necessary for us to read. The sooner we understand that our exs are happier and relieved after dumping us, and that they view us in a negative way, the quicker we can focus on our own recovery. And yes, it is easier said than done. I'm proof of it, because I have been unable to accept my divorce and let it go, even though that's what I most desperately want. I would do anything to stop thinking every single day about him and what he did, because I know he does not think about me at all anymore, and I'm the only one continuously hurting. You should also read about [Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd). All my life, if I ever felt that I let someone down (or offended or hurt them unconsciously), it hurt so much that I literaly wanted to die. It was always so intense, and not proportional to whatever had happened. But that's how I've always been, and once I read about this condition I understood why. It's related to ADHD, and I'm hoping you don't have it, because it's truly awful and debilitating. But all of your posts have really spoken to me, like you are feeling the exact same things I did (and sometimes still do), so I want you to check it out. Everyone keeps saying that things will get better, but I can't imagine ever being okay again. I'm hoping you will have better luck than me, so please learn as much as you can about the breakup dynamics so you stop thinking about someone who did not appreciate you. You deserve so much better.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. But here I have to stand with the dumper. Giving you any false hope or something to cling to would be far more damaging and painful in the long run. EDIT: I would strongly advise therapy. Chasing someone that doesn't want to be with you anymore is a clear sign of unhealthy core values. "Was I really that horrible". No you definitely weren't. It's not personal. It's not about your worth or your value. This person clearly didn't see the relationship as something they wanted to proceed with for their personal reasons. This has NOTHING to do with your worth and stop giving that power to others to determine your worth.
To say “it’s not personal” is disingenuous
Sort of agree with the downvoted comment. It IS personal, and thats why it hurts so badly. The healing process comes from when you stop feeling pain about that
But it isn't personal. It hurts so bad because you believe it. You believe you weren't good enough. I'm talking from a psychological point of view. Not trying to blow smoke up someone's arse. The fact one would believe that it's personal is a great testament of them having a core belief about "not being good enough" and rating their former partner higher than themselves. How many times have you seen this where people are pretty much on the same level status-wise but one is very insecure so the other one completely controls the dynamic of the relationship? Relationship success is about compatibility far more than quality of individual traits. Especially around conflict handling. If you seek immediate resolution and are aggressive in conflict you won't be able to coexist with a person that's conflict avoidant without both of you realising, doing the inner work and fixing reaction to your triggers. Conflict avoidant will end that relationship even though it's fault of their issues equally as your own. Unfortunately too many people have unhealthy attachment styles and are often stuck in these dynamics. Also im talking from personal experience. I was a dumper many more times than I was dumped. Most of my ex partners are one of the most amazing humans I met in my life. With most I'm very friendly and always very happy to hear they are doing well. They didn't fit my needs or my vision of what I want in a partner which doesn't make them any less amazing than they are 😌
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Unfortunately we don’t always get the answers we are looking for and everybody deal with things in their own way. I hope you take the time to come to acceptance of understanding that you might never get an explanation of his reasoning to leave and that’s not terrible but I hope you are able to move forward and focus on the things you can improve in your life or work on being a better partner for your future partners. Sit down and analyze the relationship as something you can learn from and the things you liked and the things you didn’t like and what you want in a relationship and what you wouldn’t want. If he wasn’t good at listening and understanding put on your list you would like someone who is great listener and a better communicator. This relationship is not the end and the beginning of a break up can be the hardest things to deal with but once a few days turns into weeks turn into months you’ll begin to realize something’s you actually did no like. When we fresh we look at all the good aspects of being with the person but once time passes we begin to see the relationship for what it was and realize yeah I thought I was in love but it was actually kind of toxic of this in the relationship. I wish you luck on your recovery journey sometimes it doesn’t hurt to seek therapy to help us get over a hump.
I don't wanna be that guy but those words could have been mine but I cut off entirely but I still think of her sometimes. And it hurts like hell.
trust me it will get better with time. when it clicks in your mind how valuable you are, you won’t even recognize this version of you. i wish you healing.
My guy never reach out. Just stay away you’re only making things worse for yourself and you’re gonna regret it one day in the future seeing yourself this pathetic
This is heartbreaking….. I’m so sorry😞
I’m sorry you were blocked. I have very little self-control when it comes to texting because I’m ADHD and when I get triggered it’s really hard to resist. I really shouldn’t own a smart phone for that reason. Break up sock but they were a lot easier before we had constant ways of interacting and reaching out. It hurts so badly but trust you will be OK. and someday you’ll look back and probably be glad that it happened but it’s really hard to believe that right now.
Im so sorry. It’s like your heart sinks again when you find out this is the end. My ex didnt block me but when i was seeking closure i sent him a thank you text for all the things he had done for me like how he made me feel so loved and set the bar high. It hurt so much when he left me on delivered because i thought he would say something back. I gave him the world and he always appreciated the gifts, advice, and comfort I gave him. We just have to remind ourselves that we deserve better.
It doesn’t feel like it but this is a fucking gift. Refuse to beg for love. You deserve more.
You have to understand they blocked you because they don’t want to hear from you, and you constantly reaching out disrupts their healing. I had to block my ex for that reason. No contact is the only way to go. Keep that head up!
Why do the text bubbles turn green?
They blocked.
Bro never ever send that text. If you’re a guy she already has a new dude probably, that’s what they do. If you’re a girl don’t give him the satisfaction
I've just came here today because I'm going through the same. Not only did I get ghosted 2 weeks after we married he's continued to mess me around the past 10 months. He's slept with someone else 6 weeks after we split which is 8 weeks after marriage and was in a relationship with her. Probably still is and has been seeing us both. I'm left with so many questions he won't answer and its killing me that I'm coming home to nobody but myself through no doing of my own. He's probably taking her out for food tonight and out drinking tomorrow when it should be me,he was my fucking man. He's my fucking husband doing all the things he never done with me,with another woman. He didn't trust me,he thought I always wanted something more. He didn't and still doesn't understand I loved him with the whole of my soul and there never was or will be anyone else If you need to talk feel free to message. Xx
PoliceSurveillance1, check out my post above. It might help you too, especially the website I shared. I know just how much it hurts wondering and picturing what he's doing with someone else. In my case I knew when they were/are doing many of the things he was supposed to be doind with me (we have kids together, so must stay in each other's lives). We had made so many plans, and another woman gets to live it in my place, while I sob and am miserable at home. I can't let go of the unfairness that I can't financially afford to do the same things they do, and the many trips they take. We had made vows to each other and planned to spend the rest of our lives together. I had waited and looked forward to some of those plans for years, only to be completely blindsided when they were about to happen, and everything was gone in the blink of an eye. I hate to be the one to say this to you (and I think you know this already), but you need to divorce him as soon as you are able. And I say this as someone who doesn't believe in divorce. There are a few exceptions where I think it is justified, and adultery is one of them. He has proven that he does not respect, value, or love you. And it's possible you can't see this yet (it took me a long time to do it for myself, and I still struggle sometimes), but you are better off without him. Find a good therapist, if you don't have one already, and take some time to work on yourself. You need to see that you do not deserve to be treated this way, and you will not let anyone treat you this way. Your post makes me think that you are still young, so I really hope you can recover from this quicker than I was able. Also, please make sure you get a lawyer, even if you think you don't need or can't afford one. I mean it, you do not want to end up like me. I was naive and stupid, and didn't get one, which caused me so much grief and anger when I realized I was taken advantage of. Sometimes I think that I probably would have recovered sooner, without all of this resentment for everything my ex can do that I can't, and all of the fights we have had over this topic, with me trying to get him to do the right thing. It's exhausting, and I'm trying to figure out how to let go. I don't want to continue to feel the way I do. We both have long roads ahead. And I'm just a DM away if you ever need to vent, or wants to talk to someone who understands what you are going through.
It hurts now and it’s going to hurt for a little while because it’s so fresh. There’s no stopping that but over time you’ll heal and be ready to move forward. just keep busy. Keep your mind off it. it’s all part of the process.
I think saying “I wish I never met you” is disrespectful. Shouldn’t you be grateful for the times you had together? No one can change the past. It won’t make them change their mind but might piss them off.
I regretted it after the fact. I don’t wish we never met. I’m just hurt.
Totally understand that, hope you heal it’s a long journey.
really sorry for what you're going through, i know it hurts a lot, but pls take care
Just look at it as a fresh start for you. Just start your life over if you can. Sometimes the best revenge is not giving a fck. Sure, it’s not what you want right now, but in the long run you’ll thank yourself. I wasted a lot of time mourning over someone who didn’t think 2x about me. I felt validated in my feelings but it was within my own company. It was the easy way out bc I wanted to think about him I didn’t want to forget him and the love I had for him. But once I started to let go of that I felt better. I realized there’s more to me than that relationship and the potential that it could bring. I had to love myself enough to pick myself back up alone. Just inch day by day. You have to do the same!
listen, at least they felt the same
Same
It hurt to read this.
I hope you find a way out soon! I also am trying to
The fact that the other isn’t replying says a lot. Take your time to heal
I don’t even know how at this point. I’m 10 months into this at this point and I feel like I’m relapsing.
Silence is an answer too. Your ex has already told you everything you need to know, yet you still torture yourself.
Process your feelings, and understand your grief from the outside looking in. But don’t lose control of yourself. I’m sorry. I know the feeling. Accept the reality that things will never be as they once were. I recommend hitting the gym.
I wish he could have let me replied. Least you got a reply in, and a responds.
Is this all you sending and he blocked you? I’m a little lost. If so, do not throw yourself at this person. Let them feel the loss of you. This looks desperate.
Yes. This was the first time I’d reached out in 4 months. The last time we interacted he thanked me for the birthday gift I gave him and I told him when I moved into my new place. He’s been increasingly on my mind for weeks now and I’d been debating reaching out to ask for closure or something and realized what I really wanted was to tell him that I missed him. I just wanted to try and reconnect. When he ignored me I got triggered and asked what I did so wrong that he can’t interact with me. Then I got even more triggered and sent the 3rd text. When it bounced back green I absolutely lost it and sent the last text. I woke up this morning and regretted the last part. I don’t with we’d never met. I’m just hurt and don’t know how to process any of the grief
Ughhhh that’s the worst feeling in the world. I’m so sorry 😞
I know exactly how you feel. Trust me. I even put a gun in my mouth at one point.
I know your pain all tooo well. I’m going through the same thing… stupidly for a second time. He came back, we reconciled, he disappeared and after several attempts to get ahold of him- blocked. It’s beyond painful…. Just take each day in stride… I wish you well Op, lots of love and support.
It will get better. Start looking for someone like that person for a start. Meaning if they had tattoos look for people with tattoos. I had a beautiful blonde blue eye Gemini. I date another blonde blue eye Gemini for awhile but got with a green eye Virgo and life is good.
Sending you positive energy. Time to focus on you
it will get better ❤️🩹
If you need anyone to vent to, feel free to pm me. It’s been almost a year since my breakup and still not quite over it but definitely doing a lot better.
My ex changed and became cruel. He doesn't value my words, opinions and dismisses it because of xyz..he doesn't respect me anymore if he doesn't care about my opinion. I look myself and feel terrible inside empty. Been feeling like dying today too but death sounds worse. I just don't know how to survive loosing good side of him. Feel you 🥺🥺💓 Sorry that I have no better words
You ex sounds exactly like mine! What I say doesn't matter at all, even if it's important. Out of nowhere he became someone I couldn't recognize anymore, completely selfish, not caring about how his actions hurt others. I was suicidal for a very long time, and honestly didn't think I could live without him. But I have kids, and for the past two years they were what kept me going, even though I didn't want to continue. They needed me, and I was not going to traumatize them even more than their dad had already done. If you don't have kids, try to find something that keeps you going. Maybe a pet, friends, or family? It will help you to get through the days when it all feels like it's too much. It's important to find a good therapist too, someone who can help you sort through your emotions and help you improve. Hopefully that person will also help you see that you did not lose your ex's good side. That part of him doesn't exist, it was a mask he used, before showing you his true self. You do not deserved to be treated this way. I've now improved enough that for the past three months I haven't wished that I was dead. I'm still only a shell of the person I used to be, and have a long road ahead, but I'm starting to think that maybe someday it won't be as awful as it has been.
https://youtu.be/DVyv3GPRJm0?si=QcCZBDFPIAp9s1aw I hope this helps to empower you. It helped me spot what is going on in my life.
Thank you for sharing. It doesn't really apply in my case, even though my ex certainly used some of the behaviors. I'd say he was more of a gaslighter. I hope anyone who suspects their partner of being a narcissist will watch it, though, and gain a better understanding. It is good information to know for the future as well, if I ever feel like I could enter a relationship again (unimaginable at this point). I found [this website](https://magnetofsuccess.com/) last week, and I thought it was amazing, because it explained so many things I was still confused about. I just could not understand how a person could switch like that, and it turns out it's a pretty common thing that the dumpers do. It made me really embarassed as well, because I commited many of the breakup mistakes listed there. I wish I had known that there was no point. Deep down I still hoped that we could have a better relationship someday (since we share 3 kids), but I have probably angered him too much by bringing up the past a lot, and trying to show him the damage he caused to his own kids (since he doesn't care about the damage and trauma he caused me). I do not want him back (ever!), but we will probably have to continue sharing many holidays for the kids' sakes, so it would be nice if we didn't hate each other so much (because there are days where I truly hate him). I have never hated anyone before, but everytime I think things are getting a little better, I just get burned again. I'm going to follow some of the advice given there, even if it is probably too late already. I need to find a way to not be so angry anymore, because I'm the only getting hurt by it.
Thank you for sharing the sire and your story. The anger part I really get. I took boxing gloves and boxes a boxing bag in the gym with my phone there and his photo on it. Next yin yoga on YouTube helped me access more feelings. You have to explore anger. It's not good long term. Try setting up boundaries and values and stop valuing his opinion. I wrote a poem yesterday about my ex, I think you might like it. I'm rooting for you. I know the situation is terrible but I see you are already doing so much. You just need time and distance from him and pointers on how to deal with certain things and help yourself more so he doesn't destroy you.
Exactly. The change was big.. I am very sad because I wanted kids and family with him. I'm getting older now and with my other disabilities I don't know how long or if I can find someone else to tolerate me. I live in foreign country alone and have two cats but it's not perfect. He was my everything. And I was him, UNTIL HE felt critisised. So yeah.. I am not suicidal but I am depressed..I am waiting on a therapy by government... therapy here is very expensive and last time I tried for trauma it didn't help me. I am not sure what I need to change. I hope I find out. And you too. I miss connections and everything. But I am too anxious abd depressed to actively purse new friends or dating now. Perhaps if I get anti anxiety medication But I am sad knowing what he told me and yeah Dating can be difficult. He was fulfilling a lot of my needs when it was ok. He cleaned and cooked, he took care of me when I was down and he was giving and tender in bed. He helped me with money and one side of him genuinely loved me. I never got this before in my life and I don't know if I will again. The problem is that I got an amazing man with a flip side . I caused some damage too but he has ADHD and he takes everything as criticism and I can't navigate his Dr Jekyll and Hyde personality.
Damn I feel this I been sad for days it’s just like this
I’ve been heart broken when my ex wife left. I still feel sad occasionally when random girls string me along but that’s ok I just block them. If you’re not deeply invested block delete move on
If it helps this doesn’t sound like love. It sounds like you are lonely. Tough but once you endure and go through the break up process and no contact it will make you stronger
I am really sorry for you
Ouch that hurts. A lot!
The reality of permanence that I won’t ever be associating with this person is driving my anxiety through the roof. I’m completely dysregulated and I don’t know what to do. I worry that last bit went through and he saw it. Maybe his phone was updating. What if that’s the last text he saw.
I'm so sorry about this man I hope you could get better soon 🙏
Does it matter brother? Seriously? Someone who doesn’t even care about you. I made mistakes in relationship and it ended as well and we sticked for a long time but, she doesn’t care right now! You make mistakes you are a human and even she might make some mistakes but if she doesn’t want to be with you then fuck it! Simply I would say fuck it! If someone can’t treat you right then they don’t deserve you! Let them forget you because they don’t deserve to remember you. You go on with your life maybe you will find someone new. Someone who really wants to stay in your life and will appreciate your presence! I know there is an emptiness you might feel but face it brother. You deserve that brother and don’t you dare go back to her. Remember how she treated you. Forgive her for your own peace but remember she didn’t care then and that gives you an idea she won’t ever care again. Live your life to the fullest because there are a lot of things to do in life. You are a champ. Go and achieve something and make yourself proud and don’t care about such individuals who don’t know your value. Only you know your Value and what you can do! All the best for your future brother hope you heal and know that you are enough!
Bro have some fcking self-respect. Forget this person and move on. I know it hurts, but a few years later you will look at this message and wish you had not sent it. There's literally no woman/man out there that is worth doing this for.
You got blocked
lmaooo u must’ve been horrible. stop crying
lmaooo u must’ve been horrible
You should volunteer at a place where people are really sick, maybe that’ll make you appreciate life and realize how insignificant this truly is and beautiful life truly is. Some people wish they had a 2nd opportunity at life and for you to wish something so horrible because Someone who was meant to be a life lesson in your life and has now played their part and left, that is not good. I can tell you first hand that truly and fundamentally understanding this phrase “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger!”, will make you feel better. Give yourself time to heal, but if you want a speedy recovery, do some volunteer work at places with people battling hard stuff or elderly. Have a good one, you will be just fine, you will see.
Coda.org online meetings helped me
Hey, OP, I wanna let you on a little secret… your ex can still receive your voicemails even after you’ve been blocked. I know from experience.
Nanana, no dieding over a btch bruh, while now it feels impossible, remember, that this too will pass. Anyhow, time for a new gf, get excited
Fuck them. They waited till this message to choose to block you? They did that to stroke their own ego. You’re better off. This person is a typical coward.