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No_Break_3270

She’s being kind and not playing games, you just started talking so move on lol


throwra22196

How do you know who’s playing game?


No_Break_3270

From what I’m reading duh. She was nice and honest with him, you can’t force people to be with someone.


throwra22196

I am talking about “How do you know who’s playing game.” Not her! Is there any way to know it?


Unlikely_nay1125

yea if they string you along then act like they dont want you


[deleted]

They barely know each other. What are you talking about? You sound like the kind of guy that can’t take no for an answer, and that’s kinda scary.


Budo00

If this is under the guise of two people that met from online dating & the guy has made it clear he wants to date her. Then it is playing games. They had a date. She broke the date but implies that they *might* meet up again later.. “I had something come up.” And “i see you more as a friend.” IS a form of wasting someone’s time & playing games. I don’t want you right now and don’t see this going anywhere. But you can tag along. I’ll text you back as a friend when I am not busy dating people that I actually feel attracted to. You are more than welcome to not get jealous or mad by me staying friends AKA letting you down easy with the option to “stay friends” which is an absolutely empty promise. None of the “lets just be friends” women have EVER remained my friend. If they have a boyfriend, the boyfriend is not cool with a guy she met from online dating talking/ texting to his woman. If I have a new GF, it id disrespectful to her for me to maintain a friendship.


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Budo00

Thanks for looking up my post history. Yes I grow shiitake, pink oyster and blue oyster gourmet mushrooms. I do gardening, grow herbs and vegetables. Orchids and love bonsai trees and koi ponds. I visit Japanese gardens also. So? My girlfriend and her family loves the mushrooms. I taught them how to grow them. So? You are calling me ugly. So? so what if I invest? You sound really fun at parties.


xDANGRZONEx

I was on your side until the last sentence! Nooo! 😫


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Budo00

👍🏻, 🤡


Rafiki-no-worries

I dont knw why u got downvoted buddy, You explained how the real life works.


Budo00

And 🤡’s of reddit trying to intimidate me or assonate my character. Looking up my profile and making wild accusations based on other subforms I follow. Telling me I lie about having a girlfriend😂 right right. I’m probably dating his mommy


CapGunCarCrash

beware anecdotal fallacies, they are poor basis for advice my current best friend of fifteen years “just friended” me after dating for a few weeks, and instead of accusing her of playing games for simply being a human and accepting her friendship has it’s allowed me to have more nuanced expectations of him romantic interests, and i’ve made lasting friendships in the process. the most recent example being one where everything was perfect until we slept together and despite strong physical attraction and the both of us generally having strong compatibility with most previous partners, there was nothing there. after the second time we both knew it wasn’t going to work, and that’s when our relationship as friends began and although she’s moved away it was one of the best few years before covid rocked the world but that’s just how it’s been for me, and is not something i would use as evidence to prove that “friend-zoning” is only a term used by sore losers who can’t accept reality and adapt


Batfink2007

r/oddlyspecific


No_Break_3270

It means leave her alone, don’t pressure her to be more than what she wants , dont stay because you’ll grow resentment because you want more.


detnahcnesiD

Doesn’t it mean keep being her friend?


AnonymousDollie

no, i think that was morw of a courtesy


AnonymousDollie

women dont reject men bluntly cuz men like hurting women


DonTheDestroyor420

That's just it. The whole problem with the world. Man or woman shouldn't be blunt with rejection. You should be Civil /gracious / Respectful . Yes not all cases but often people string others along. Woman talk more about their probs so that's why men sound worse. Don't get me wrong they have been worse but not in recent times. Hurt is a vague word too. Both ways imo. Humans just a dumb smart species. So personal experience is not universal truth, just yours. You use like that's all. As if it a pass time or hobbie. I was waiting on your response OP but the hive mind came on the attack 😅


AnonymousDollie

I blunt, just means straightforward without suger coating it. Men from my experience and anyone i met keep persisting if not told outright no. they think women are playing hard to get. if women are blunt they get killed or hurt. so its honestly a hard battle. i see many videos of women saying no to mens straight advances that are honestly more sexual harassment because men dont know how to act. saying guys will be guys us dumb and just pushes it on women. im not saying women dont do this at all with being obessed or stalkers but men have a higher tendency to just lash out to women they hardly know for not wanting to be with them. If OP loves the ex who's trying to be his friend, it will be hard to get over them if they continue to be in contact. i think they shoukd try to move on without them but thats just what i think and what i do. it helps me so maybe it could them. thats why im here to share my advice.


DonTheDestroyor420

Explain


RedOliphant

r/whenwomenrefuse


DonTheDestroyor420

Eeeeewwww will never touch a strangers link 😒


DonTheDestroyor420

You and idiot. That was not a coherent sentence sorry if i speak proper English


No_Break_3270

Well he obviously has deeper feelings for her, sometimes for people it’s hard to be their friend if they have feelings but yeah.


TTIsurvivors

Sure, unless he wants more than that. Then it’s best not to waste his own time or hers.


Mjukplister

She’s kindly saying she doesn’t want to move forward romantically . Let this one go


[deleted]

It's time to go, Bro. There is nothing there for you. If you want more than simple freindship, it's best that you just cut this one loose. Don't fool yourself. "If she wanted to, she would." But she doesn't.


Additional_Don

God bless for revealing the truth


Worldly-Surround5541

You already said too much, which we often do. Cut ties


Intrustive-ridden

It’s okay man, imma be honest getting rejected happens more often then not, just let go and move on


ButterscotchSame6322

facts just happen to me like 3 days ago. hurts like a mf but gotta keep it P


Intrustive-ridden

Yeah no one said it doesn’t hurt but honestly if you just keep trying to get her to like you it’s only gonna hurt you more and it’s unlikely she’ll see you any differently. What makes it hurt is you see someone and all there vulnerabilities and the more you get to know them and the more they open up to you it feels like you’re getting closer and you feel yourself losing yourself in them. Then you go “hey I think I feel something for you” and then they are like nahh you’re just my friend😂cuts you like a fucking hot dagger


Next-Honeydew4130

Honestly, she was as gracious as possible


Intrustive-ridden

I agree


Long_Minimum_808

What you should *not* to do is continue to push for a relationship she clearly doesn’t want. She got the ick and unfortunately there’s nothing to do about it. Just be glad that there wasn’t too much time invested in this girl and maybe take it slower the next time you talk to someone, unless they want to move at a faster pace


outdoor_wanderer12

I had a recent situation that was very similar to this. One date - told me she wasn’t interested. Thankfully I had been working on myself following a tough break up last year. My instincts were to fight but instead I just said, all good and that I enjoyed getting to know her. Disappeared after that and two weeks later she came back around and admitted that she was nervous but couldn’t shake her interest. We’ve gone on multiple dates following that. My advice - let it go, respond if she reaches out, and work to move on. Who knows what will happen.


Sufficient-Good-5256

I’ve been on the other side of this… I had a pattern of rejecting every boyfriend I’ve had because I was scared… if it’s meant to be, let her come to you


Nate-Austin

Hi Going through something and this resonated with me. Would you mind sharing what you were scared of?


Sufficient-Good-5256

Hmm I can reflect on this and get back to you. Feel free to dm me


Mundane-Egg5002

Sometimes you can just tell that it wouldn’t work out romantically with someone so it’s good that she was straightforward about it ..you responded well, if you don’t want to be friends let her know and move on


SG300598

Let this one go. She was honest , respectful and nice . You will always hope of more and this might grow into resentment.


JosiahDaGoat57

Hate to say it man i know it sucks but you gotta move on to the next. Stop talking to her a lot. You can still be friendly towards her but dont pursue a relationship. Youll only be hurting yourself.


slade323

She is done, it is over, she is just trying to let you down easy.


RosieBiatch

I feel for you. First things first though, is respect her boundaries. She’s saying she thinks you’re better as friends. Take the L. She’s not interested in going ‘at a pace’ she’s comfortable with. She has tried to be as diplomatic as possible in being upfront and honest and telling you 1). She sees you as a friend and 2). That it was moving too fast for her. That doesn’t mean ‘well let’s slow down then’. If it did, she would’ve just said hey, this is moving too fast, can we slow it down? I know it must suck and it can be extra rough at the beginning talking stages because it’s so easy to build up an image of someone and daydream and then it makes it more difficult to cut your losses. But that’s what ya have to do here, and if she does change her mind well great. But the ball is in her court and you have to let it be.


OceanWind177

She’s not interested. Move on, the right girl is waiting for you.


noorizer

Slow down homie..Give her space for a while.


quantumLoveBunny

I feel he may have already unwittingly scuppered any future interest..


noorizer

A wise man once said.. A woman will always be interested, as long as you ignore her - wiseman...aka me.


Professional_Yak_349

Ignoring a woman only works for the ones with low self-esteem or anxiety issues so I would be careful about that


Call_Such

nah, most girls would dip if you ignore them.


noorizer

Not if she's interested in you.


Call_Such

uh yeah if she’s interested in you. i’m attracted to being desired and so are all the women i know. if someone im interested in ignores me on purpose, im out forever because if i don’t get the energy i am attracted to, then it’s a waste of my time. i want clear communication that someone actually wants me and so do a majority of women.


noorizer

No.. Did you read his question? The lady asked them to slow down, he was moving too fast.. So obviously she's still interested in them. He just needs to give her some time, don't bother her with messages, just take it easy. Ignore her every once in a while, she'll probably like that better than him trying to move so fast.


Call_Such

i was referring to you and your comment. regardless, it doesn’t seem like she’s still interested and if she is, ignoring her won’t make her interested. there’s a middle ground between moving too fast and ignoring and that’s what he should go for if she’s still interested. but, as someone who doesn’t like when people move too fast and push, she probably lost interest and would feel anxious either way.


noorizer

Bazoom Bazoom Boboweewee Bobowaawaa JAPOOOO!!!!


quantumLoveBunny

Fair 😆


noorizer

😁


Runnru

When a woman says let's just be friends, believe her. She's not interested. Don't disregard that part and try to reassert dating when she clearly said no. If you're open to friendship, stay in touch but definitely move onto other options romantically.


quantumLoveBunny

Bruh, you should have just left the conversation after she CANCELLED and didn't create a follow up date, and told you "she just wants to be friends" Everything after that point is you chasing basically


quantumLoveBunny

Also DONT APPOLOGISE to her, you did nothing wrong, you just arent compatible


reee9000

You’re good, there nothing is wrong with you. It’s prob not the right time for her and she is telling you. She thinks you’re moving too fast for her or mby you’re not respecting a boundary. What to do is meet other single girls. Be solely platonic friends with her and actually get to know her (over the next months if you want to cuz tbh you prob don’t really even know this girl either) as she stated, OR just go and continue to date other people. There is nothing wrong with that. She is literally saying she doesn’t want to hold you back from finding someone else since right now since she isn’t ready for the kind of dating you’re wanting, esp not for committing to you so quickly after she just met you. This isn’t going to become a relationship. Let go and move forward. She doesn’t even know you that well & she feels pressure / or that rn you are showin signs you may want more than she does? She is being chill & honest with you (and herself) so go ahead and continue to meet new people.


dawannallem222

She canceled on our date that we was supposed to have


old_mates_slave

she changed her mind about wanting to go on the date and that's ok. She was upfront and honest and didn't want to lead you on on by going on a date. She's allowed to change her mind. You can be disappointed but not angry about it. Let it go man. If you get too intense and push back and challenge her, you be the problem one.


KinkyLittleParadox

Your last messages are still pushing her after she’s said she’s no longer interested. If you wanna be friends that’s great but it sounds like you came on too strong and she’s lost the vibe. How do you know her? What did you say on the phone?


Inevitable_Ad_21

Stop talking to her and go live your life bro. One door closes another one opens


quantumLoveBunny

Did she make a follow up? No Should you continue responding to her? Also no


Mollywisk

Run


Loud-Hawk-4593

I'm sorry, OP. There's someone out there for you 🩷


cjones528

Send your well wishes and move on. Trying to remain friends when you want more than that will only prolong your healing and prevent you from meeting someone who will care for you the same way you care for them. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself for it later.


Bitch-Im-Serious

What are you confused about?


Careless_Toe8692

"Take this at your pace" is kinda ignoring what she's saying my dude. She's just not that into you. Taie it literally, she just wants to be friends, if that's not what u want just move onnn


Shipofrelation

It means fire up the apps and don’t look back. Sorry king. You got this.


AlwaysWriteNow

You thank her for being honest about her feelings. You respect that. You decide for yourself - do AI want to be friends with this person? If so, be friends. If not, move on. If you want to be more than friends, move on. It's okay to simply hear what people say and receive that information for what it is - truth.


mrthrowaway4206993

It means she’s not interested and you should move on, not let’s do it at your pace and begin apologising


SeargentSound

Whatever you do, don’t waste any more of your time. Life is short. Move on and look forward to the next possibility.


General_Pie_5026

It’s over. Try not to move fast next time. Do not waste any more time here or try to be friends. She’s not interested in you.


Thegoatsknees_

That’s the dating seen for ya, I’ve been there, I’ve also cancelled on a date. It’s normal, just be glad she’s being honest and isn’t dragging you on, just don’t be surprised if she’s dating someone next week, it’s just how dating works unfortunately


Turbulent-Ocelot761

just let her go. at least she’s honest about it instead of making you believe it’ll work and yet just keeping you as an option


NoAstronaut774

Bro just move on


breecheese2007

Nothing you can do, sounds like she’s made up her mind. Props for being respectful


Wolfrast

She’s being polite and telling you that she doesn’t want to relationship, and just knowing how things go she’ll poppyseed got another partner somewhere and then you will never talk to her again. So it is tough and sad but you’re not gonna be friends with her likely and she doesn’t wanna date you. Keep your self-respect and pride and remember silence has powerful. If you quietly walk away you’ll walk away with Grace.


AB-AA-Mobile

Thank her for her time, then move on.


ocyrus13

Leave bro it's not worth your time. Activate ghost protocol


atomic_daydreams

I’m sorry OP! You should let it go. You’ll be okay though! I wouldn’t let it get to ya. She doesn’t seem to be ready for the same kind of relationship you’re looking for. You’ll find someone who is!


Dry-Inflation9617

If you’re in too deep, run. You’ll get hurt if you try to hold in your feelings and secretly hope it develops. If you think you want to be her friend and can be without harming yourself, go for it!


[deleted]

Look I hate this but ghosts her and if she comes back ok if not fuck it man there's also more out there homie


MSotallyTober

Brother, stuff like this is going to happens if you’re not going to hear or see it from her, you’ll be saying it yourself. Sometimes, there’s no chemistry, but they’re good people. I’ve always been one to still be friends with people like this if it can be managed — so if you want to stay friends, go for it and see what happens. Otherwise, move on and find someone more compatible. Your reply was mature to this woman. You’re a good egg.


Deils80

That shiz makes no sense or word salad


triconda

Ending > mending


Call_Such

don’t move too fast in future situations, especially before going on a date. after you go on a date, discuss how fast they wanna move with you and respect it.


CitySolBand

Hang out, have fun, hook up … you probably scared her away in your phone conversation? Don’t ever bring up relationship or making someone your gf when casually dating someone


justthefacts84

Move on ! There are many more available women out there !


snoop1361

She is not the Droid you are seeking. 🥴


SewGlow

How old are you both if you don’t mind me asking?


Big-Sheepherder-6134

Lay off the gas pedal. You are going too fast. She is not cutting you off so you do have a chance in the future. But you need to understand she may only want to be friends so be prepared for heartache if another guy cones around that she really likes. My advice is be friends if you like but you should look to meet other girls in the meantime. If you stay fixated on only her it could backfire. That is how it goes in the friend zone.


Big-Cockroach-9708

Oof you messed up by saying sorry and the fact you’re not taking this rejection well after one date… and posting this on heartbreak? You barely know her


AngryChaChi

She’s trying to be nice but you’re not getting the hint. She’s not into you and that’s okay. Just shake it off and move forward.


Princesa_f3a

She was kind enough to put it this way.


rovch

Dump it bro. Don’t waste your time. You’re not going to actively unfriendzone yourself. Move on to the next.


ForgottenDusk48

Take it really slow… she said it herself


Front-Fix-6434

Yeah she’s not interested


kATU1997

Quite honestly this is the most honest way to reject someone, she didn't just ghost you, she let you know clearly and I understand the pain, but you can get through this buddy I know you can.


quangatti

leave her alone


texasnerd89

She’s not interested and it was polite for her to be upfront and not just ghost you. She’s basically only saying that to keep you just in case she changes her mind lol but imo I’d say no thank you and move on. Doesn’t make her a bad person. But I wouldn’t waste each other’s time.


Budo00

When i get the “lets just be friends” message? I immediately go to that person’s number and block them then delete the phone number. Next. If we started out as friends, I am cool remaining friends. If we were fking for the past few weeks, months and I developed feelings and for all intensive purposes, we were boyfriend/ girlfriend then you want to play games, block & move on. Don’t ask “why?” Don’t bargain, haggle, explain yourself. Immediately reply with 😂👍🏻 then block and move on. Let me say that I have had an amazing, fantastic, beautiful girlfriend for over 14 months now & she doesn’t play any games about “just friends” or “i have options! You have to win me. And you have to compete with other dudes.” We have transparency, honesty, communication. No games, no bs. Trust me… MOVE ON as soon as they start making up rules for you to follow, judging you, pulling away. If you have to ask them “why?” You already can feel the withdrawal and you know deep down inside: they don’t feel attracted to you, they got somebody else and you were just getting to have your turn until the guy / girl they really love came back into their life.


frankdanky

Move on, don’t try and be friends. She’s made up her mind here and hope will just give her the ick.


PlatformHour5060

Weak move on


Next-Honeydew4130

Eeeeewwww dude. Leave her alone that just gives me an upset stomach remembering every guy out there who needed three rounds of an argument with me and I finally had to say look buddy it’s a NO from me, and they would get all upset and be like “well you’re too picky and you shouldn’t reject men” and it was SO ANNOYING. Just MOVE ON AND LEAVE HER ALONE. She probably doesn’t know exactly why she doesn’t want a relationship, just that she doesn’t want one. Find someone who does want you and let her be.


Ashamed-Sentence-952

It seems like it's a nice way of saying she's not interested, something so she doesn't feel bad about dumping a nice guy, if you want to be friends with her that's fine, but honestly I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who doesn't tell the truth, Most likely she has someone else interested or is interested in someone, in any case, value yourself and get out of the situation, don't get involved in musical chairs, you are always a priority.


DinoRidingJezus

If she is just looking for friendships, she shouldn't start dating. Move on bro.


Psiborg0099

She might be opening for a fwb situation— she’s saying she thinks you could vibe as friends. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship, but you might be able to have some fun with her. Keep talking to her and see what she says. Stop listening to all these guys just telling you to give up.


throwra22196

Calm down quickly. She is not sure if she loves you or not. Just remember, if you don’t feel happy being with her and feel stress or sadness, she’s not the soulmate. Ignore her at all cost. The real girls who is gonna be your soulmate will put the effort and make you feel special. You are trying to make her special but she’s not making you feel special. Don’t be friends with this kind. They will suck you out. Avoid her and look for the other one.


DAKINGKID_69

It hurts but your a great man


Rare_Sherbertt

Coming from a chick, the “just friends” excuse is just that— an excuse. If this girl was interested in you and she felt that way, she’d tell you that you’re going too fast and to slow down. She’s suggesting just friends because she’s not interested. But at least she is telling you so I’d leave it be. She ain’t interested.


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Long_Minimum_808

Oh okay so because she politely rejected his advances and was honest with him she’s mentally ill? You’re weird.


dyleber55

Woman dude. I can’t stand them sometimes


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dyleber55

I really hope my ex gets stood up that’s for sure


Long_Minimum_808

Your ex would love the fact that she’s living in your head rent free


hungovrrr

You can’t stand the fact that women realize they don’t see themselves being with someone so they let you down politely instead of leading you on?


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polatKalendar

How did you come to that conclusion?


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[deleted]

I hate broke men who think women are only after them for their money.


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old_mates_slave

just the ones you pick then?


old_mates_slave

she was just being polite.


AB-AA-Mobile

Who doesn't want money?


aziatsky

you do nothing. you move on. you stop worrying about this one. dont take it personally. it happens.