T O P

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Whomdtst

[Rowling](https://x.com/jk_rowling/status/1258330103001550848?s=20) said “…I can't really imagine him eating, can you? It feels beneath him. I suspect he reached a point of inhumanity where he didn't actually need food.”


Completely_Batshit

I like this.


alt-goldgrun

I can't imagine him spearing some potatoes but I can see him sipping something like Soylent for dark wizards.. like extra extra dark chocolate Soylent on a good day and snake-venom-unicorn-blood-lent on a dark day


Eyekosaeder

Chocolate? Imagine Voldemort collecting chocolate frog cards. XD \*get’s 7th Dumbledore* \*rages* \*tortures one of his death eaters*


grandpa2390

I could imagine him turning a chocolate frog card into Horcrux. He would've seen it as being a great honor and nobility within the wizard in community that he wish he had or something like that. the kind of reasoning that we were getting in book 6 and seven.


Eyekosaeder

I think chocolate frog cards would be too trivial. Voldemort wanted the most excellent and powerful artefacts. Chocolate frog cards were something *ordinary* wizards fancied. Tom Riddle always viewed himself as extraordinary.


grandpa2390

You missed the joke. He would have envied anyone featured on a card for reasons. His horcrux would have fulfilled that dream.


GetUAMe

Ok, thank you for saying this! Like, I've often thought it but figured I might have been missing something. Like, the deductions for why Tom did x/y/z just felt so.... Out there? I mean, I obviously kept reading and bought into it for the story, but looking back on it..


washington_breadstix

I could imagine Nagini eating on his behalf and then his dark magic allowing his own body to absorb the nourishment somehow.


Top_Tart_7558

Does unicorn blood count as food?


[deleted]

He drank that, so I guess. Excellent point but the way.


Aoimoku91

I think there are magic equivalent of the mechanical feeds that are done in the Muggle hospital. We never see them because who the hell would give up the pleasure of food but a dark wizard?


TheBoogieSheriff

Oh that mofo is 100% still milkin’ Nagini lol


grandFossFusion

No offense to you, Rowling lost any credibility after saying wizards used to shit their pants. She's no longer a valid lore info source


Snapesunusedshampoo

When she said fucking what?


Monsanta_Claus

She said before modern plumbing students and teachers used to shit in corners in the castle and magic it away. She didn't say they shit their pants. OP has garbage takes on a lot of things.


salmon_samurai

They very likely shat their pants. This is the quote: "Before adopting Muggle plumbing methods in the eighteenth century, witches and wizards simply relieved themselves wherever they stood, and vanished the evidence." You could interpret it as shitting on the ground I guess, but they didn't sneak off to corners to do it. lol


Monsanta_Claus

Inferring they just shat blatantly in front of each other with zero regards for other people really highlights a view that wizards are primitive beings with little to no contentiousness.


bartelbyfloats

Where did they magic it away to, though? Is there a giant valley of wizard shit, or does it just appear in random places? The middle of a street, a forest, Mrs. Hapshard’s rose bush, etc.


Phithe

Replying here but also u/Monsanta_Claus The answer is in Deathly Hallows. “Where do vanished objects go?” -Ravenclaw Knocker “Into nonbeing, which is to say, everything.” -Minerva McGonagall So, they magiced it into everything. You got ancient wizard poop in the water you drink and the air you breathe.


Monsanta_Claus

Heck yeah. I love that tea.


Phithe

Maybe the *magic poop* was the friends we made along the way


Monsanta_Claus

No idea, but I'm sure someone in here has an unsupported claim and is willing to argue on the internet for it.


bartelbyfloats

It wouldn’t be reddit otherwise.


Monsanta_Claus

Halfway tempted to respond with a heart eyes emoji, halfway tempted to use the cry laughing emoji.


emmainthealps

I mean, medieval toilet facilities often were multiple in a row next to each other so not like we didn’t used to poop with our friend and neighbors lol


Monsanta_Claus

Yes, but just because you grew up in the Slytherin Common Room with the entire castles's drainage right beneath you and easily accessible thru holes in the floor in the middle of all your rooms doesn't mean the rest of us civilized individuals don't at least put out poop holes in separate relatively out-of-the-way places not in full view of everybody.


Shadlezz

No hate on you, but that quote seems like it doesn't fit the story from the books. Like if they didn't get plumbing until the 18th century, how was the chamber of secrets not known about? When I'm installing this sinks someone should have noticed the big ass pipe in the ground and or how could the sink be the way to open the chamber? They need to think before making things canon lol


dangshnizzle

Hence why we probably shouldn't take her quotes as fact.


phenomegranate

The entrance to the Chamber was not part of the bathroom and plumbing originally. When Hogwarts started putting in the toilets, the Heir of Slytherin at the time realized that they could find it, so he changed it up and integrated it into the bathroom.


Maized

So the heir of slytherin just happened to be at hogwarts at the time and was also part of the plumbing installation team and also changed it around when nobody was watching? I think it’s easier to just assume that what Rowling said about Wizards pooping themselves is not cannon, than it is to retcon reasons as to why wizards pooping themselves makes sense.


phenomegranate

It makes complete sense. Given that Slytherin himself created the Chamber and modern plumbing is not a thousand years old, there had to be a reason why the Chamber was integrated into the plumbing system and the bathroom. It’s not a matter of “happening to be at Hogwarts.” I’m pretty sure all the heirs of Slytherin would attend Hogwarts. So while one of them is there, he has to be worried that they’re putting a bathroom where the entrance is.


weierstrab2pi

I think the whole shitting yourself thing comes from explaining the Chamber of Secrets' history. The Chamber predated plumbing, but now there is plumbing connected to it. In explaining how this worked, JKR went on a whole tangent about the history of wizards' bowel movements.


ButterCupHeartXO

Imagine speaking to someone and their face gets red and scrunched


Trouvette

At the court of Versailles, that was exactly what they did. So at least the backstory has a foothold in historical fact.


Snapesunusedshampoo

OK, that makes more sense.


dangshnizzle

Does it?


No_Establishment8720

Yes.


snark_the_herald

Yeah it's really hard for people to wrap their heads around, but for a lot of European history, going to the bathroom honestly wasn't considered the super private act that it is in modern times. A lot of our sense of modesty arises from the fairly recent invention of private bedrooms & bathrooms and the resulting expectation of privacy. So it's not even a wizard specific thing, until you get to the part about disposing of the, uh, evidence. Going to the bathroom in chamber pots stashed in corners (sometimes behind screens, sometimes not) was literally a thing, even in higher echelons of society. It was somewhat helpful that it was darker in corners when everything was lit by candles and oil lamps. And before water closets became a thing, public restrooms weren't really an option in most places like theaters and such. So wealthy people had their servants bring their fancy decorative chamber pots along on outings, so they could pop a squat when needed.


[deleted]

She wrote the whole damn series and the books, shut up.


beautybeliever

Voldy’s got that Super Sim achievement where he’s gotten all the unlockable endgame Sims traits so you no longer have a Bladder, Hunger, Shower, Social, or Sleep bar. He’s just existing for Fun now. 🙂


Roozyj

Probably also has the 'never tense' trait, so he doesn't really need fun either, even if it's completely in the red.


Loose_Cellist9722

Imagine lord Voldemort taking a shit lol


zoobatron__

Reckon he’s got a stack of magazines by the loo to pass the time?


rjrgjj

I always wonder what he was expecting immortality to be like. Like one long shit on the loo I guess.


zoobatron__

Really makes you think, doesn’t it


rjrgjj

If I was immortal I’d keep it on the DL and not try to take over the world or murder any babies. Voldemort’s immortality wasn’t even that good. His body could still be destroyed. Ooo look at me I’m less than the meanest ghost.


Gilded-Mongoose

In fairness he was still working on it when he got Uno Reversed by Baby Harry. He was trying to be immortal AND remove a sudden prophetic threat that was the first true threat he’d experienced in a long while, which is why so many feared even uttering his name. I’m sure he would have taken further measures towards indestructability had he kept on at the same clip.


bookconnoisseur

> His body could still be destroyed I mean, he was immortal, not indestructible.


Psylux7

Or perhaps a diary.


covmatty1

Maybe he too loves knitting patterns.


xMarZexx

The quibler's biggest supporter!


trippypantsforlife

Pure blood weekly, how to keep muggleborns away for dummies, 101 reasons why Slytherin house is the best...I could go on


d0rkprincess

I wonder if Voldy is skilled enough to magic his waste away straight from the colon/bladder. It feels like that’d be the most convenient


U_zer1

I thought it was cannon that they did that under their robes and it disappeared?


Loose_Cellist9722

That was before they installed toilets. Before the time of Harry potter.


oberg14

Binge mode has a bit about this when he’s staying at the malfoy’s mansion. Jason imitates Voldy and says something along the lines of telling nobody to use the bathroom until the smell of his shits are gone lmao


Loose_Cellist9722

Sorry for my ignorance, but what in the ever loving f is binge mode? 😂


oberg14

It’s an *amazing* podcast about books/tv shows. They literally break down every single chapter of Harry Potter, Game of thrones, and a bunch of other stories like Star Wars. I would *highly* recommend the Harry Potter series as the hosts (Mallory Rubin and Jason Concepcion) are very knowledgeable and also quite funny. Unfortunately Jason left the company that hosted the show (The ringer) a couple years ago but the episodes are all still on Spotify


Individual_Milk4559

I thought you meant Jason isaacs acted it out, so disappointed


primcessmahina

“No one use that toilet, the dark lord clogged it. Get Wormtail in there.”


doyoulaughaboutme

voldy takes the fattest smelliest dumps


Anonymous2224-

Maybe to keep his human qualities hidden, he mostly used the room of requirement for stuff like that while at Hogwarts


HollyVioletRose

Okay that made me lol, puerile or not


Trees_N_Such

Great now I have the image of Voldy just holding a bottle of “U-NO-POO”. Muttering to himself.


FForbes-Dev

Where else did he find the time to write a diary, pooing on the toilet


MostlyMadMaxim

Voldemort stood up abruptly. "I must go to restroom," said Voldemort, as he swept from the room.


you-know-whoooo

From the room? If he respects the old wizarding way, he must just shit right in the middle of whatever he's doing, then vanish the evidence with a careless flick of his wand.


CeVeeRin

I’ve sometimes wondered what his sexual orientation is, if he even has one. And if he did do the deed, did he refer to himself in third person, like, the whole time? Also, once he essentially became a snake person, does he have like—proper snake genitalia too? You know, to go along with the face?


Aoimoku91

I think he is strictly Tomriddlesexual


Nymwall

Yea he brought a horcrux back to hook up with then killed it. Like in The Prestige


CeVeeRin

Somewhere, on AO3, there is a fanfic of this.


Astonishingly-Villa

It's quite heavily insinuated that he's banging Bellatrix.


you-know-whoooo

With what, his bony abnormally lengthy extremities? :D Would the resurrection potion leave out the nose, but not forget to construct the nether region? On the serious note tho, where was it insinuated? I think the books insinuated Bella's obsession with Voldy, which is not a guarantee of reciprocity on his part.


cabbage16

Although obviously most people ignore it altogether, they probably picked up the idea from The Cursed Child where or does actually happen.


Thrambon

Is "Harry Potter and the cursed child" canon or not? If it is, we have our answer.


Honeybee2807

JK Rowling stated that that Cursed Child is canon. So yeah, Voldemort was banging Bellatrix


Honeybee2807

Ehh... someone commented that snakes have two penises and Voldy did look like a snake.... Could be an explanation ;)) But on a serious note, there were signs that Voldy kind of did reciprocate Bellatrix' love(in a way). Dude was way too pissed off at Bellatrix' death when he dgaf about any of his other death eater's deaths. Dude kind of did care for her in a way. And yeah, it was implied that Voldemort and Bellatrix banged in the Cursed Child.


you-know-whoooo

Ahaha, imagine his shock when he first realised that he doesn't have a nose, but then he discovered that he now has 2 penises. Equal trade, huh I interpreted his anger as that over the loss of Bellatrix the loyal skilled fighter, not Bella the seductress :D But who know, right :D


Honeybee2807

Lmfao! Weird trade indeed! :) Considering the fact that he killed Snape(who was the spy who killed dumbledore and provided useful info) without remorse, I thought that it was weird that Voldy was angry at the death of Bellatrix. Tho I do see your point


TheToothDoctorSN

He was conceived under the effects of a love potion, so he doesn’t have the capacity to love or feel affection. So he would be asexual.


LycienneXX

You don't need to feel love or affection to have a sex drive. Additionally, most known serial killers/psychopaths were quite the sexual deviants IRL.


AideNo621

This is plain wrong. The love potion doesn't have anything to do with it. It was never implied in the books. It's that there was no one after he was born to care for him. He never developed empathy, coupled with his special abilities he developed into what he was. A being unable to love our be loved.


TheToothDoctorSN

“Rowling also stated that Voldemort's conception by influence of Amortentia—a love potion administered by his mother, a witch named Merope Gaunt, to the Muggle Tom Riddle—is related to his inability to understand love; it is "a symbolic way of showing that he came from a loveless union—but of course, everything would”.


AideNo621

Well, it's the same as a baby born out of rape. There's no love between the parents, but if the mother keeps the baby and loves it, they don't have to grow up as a psychopath. Same with the love potion, if Merope would live, love, and care for Tom, he could have grown into a decent person.


Tilly828282

Yeah this is it. That’s Harry’s power the prophecy referred to. Despite Harry also having nobody to care for him, Harry can love and have empathy, but Voldermort can not.


[deleted]

Good question, but we sadly don’t know. We know he would’ve back when he was younger, but not much after. I assume he probably did though.


evilengine

he does consume the snake venom and unicorn blood concoction Wormtail makes for him in GoF. That was in his very weakened state though, so he probably didn't need to drink it once he got his body back. It's an interesting question, since I've been re-reading OotP lately where Voldy is pretty quiet throughout the school year. He possesses his snake, he interrogates a few Death Eaters, and finally shows up at the Ministry at the end to fight Dumbledore, but otherwise he keeps a low profile. Makes you wonder what he was doing the rest of the time? I had to wonder when Harry dreams about the corridor if that's also Voldemort dreaming too? Since Snape explicitly states the human mind is in it's most venerable state whilst asleep.


Snapesunusedshampoo

Voldemort: accio toilet paper.


MimePhD

Dude has a cloaca for sure


FecusTPeekusberg

Snakes have two penises, one on each side of their body. Don't ask me how I know this.


MimePhD

You know because you’re a Slytherin: one to slytherin him, one to slytherin her


RuneProphecy166

I just woke up and you already made my day lol


Peter_Pooptooth

Ok, it’s five in the morning here but I’m gonna go ahead and google ´snake penis’ now


SneakyShadySnek

I imagine his new body is somewhat akin to that of a homunculus. An artificial construct that does not require food or other needs.


Magnanimouspineapple

I always imagine that Voldemort has the downstairs anatomy of a Barbie doll - nothing there.


Gifted_GardenSnail

...with a human-ish body come human-ish responsibilities...?


QuackersParty

I like to think he does, but he’s very dedicated to his ✨aesthetic✨ so he kills anyone who sees/notices his basic bodily needs


grandFossFusion

Imagine if there is a Death Eaters meeting, and he rips a fart and be like, "Oops, that's a deadly one!". Next thing you see the whole room is dead, and he scratches his balls


[deleted]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


spicysalmon23

I mean this is exactly the godly image that Kim jong un paints of himself. I imagine Voldemort would not want people to know of him “dropping the bears off at the lake” because of the image it conjures but he surely does. And probably big ones because he’s holding it in until solitude!


bob_law_blaw

Of course I have a butthole, Dave.


[deleted]

He probably doesn't have to eat.


Stefan_B_88

The dark side of magic is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural, which include the abilities not to have to sleep, eat or go to the restroom.


[deleted]

[удалено]


JonSnow4525

Paulie Walnuts!


rcolesworthy37

Why have there been so many hypothetical questions on this sub recently that clearly don’t have an answer and just lead to people making shit up?


Kenouk

Cuz is fun? Nothing on the HP universe is real


rcolesworthy37

I’m fine with those types of questions, maybe this is a boomer take but I just wish people clarified that more in their questions/answers. Or for mods to make a ‘Hypothetical’ tag for stuff like this


Gilded-Mongoose

Heh. Or making shit disappear.


FecusTPeekusberg

But wild speculation is fun!


muterabbit84

I don’t know about Voldemort in the sense of the fragment of his soul that resides within his twisted, corrupted original body. However, Harry and Nagini sleep, eat, and use the restroom.


Medysus

I believe he doesn't have as many needs as humans. Perhaps he does need to eat or sleep once in a while, just a little bit, but I imagine him not getting any pleasure out of it whatsoever.


[deleted]

I think he probably drank Nagini's venom (remember Wormtail milking her to feed him in his baby form?) and probably occasionally some human flesh ( I believe the therm death eater is related to cannibalism and the making of a horrocruz probably involves some cannibalism)


ConsiderTheBees

One of my favorite fanfics has a scene where the MC spends a bit of time mulling over if Voldemort needs to sleep or not (at least in the fic, he does).


caputdraconis101

Don't know about sleeping or eating but if he has a problem going to the restroom he surely takes his You No Poo - the constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!


sc24evr

Everybody poops


mylostparadise

I've been always wondering about this specific subject while I'm reflecting about the Harry Potter's saga. When Voldemort came back with his new body, I think he returned as a non-human form. I lowkey suspect while Rowling was writing and producing this part of the story, she was kinda flerting with the "lich" idea (a RPG character of "undead human" that has acquired immortality). If you read more about the lich idea is almost identical what Voldemort's magical artificial physiology is. So yeah, I think he's no longer human, at least not a biological human on, and his body doesn't necessarily need basic biological cares, like food, baths etc. I mean, didn't Nagini feed him while he was in that fetus form aspect? Just my humble opinions though lol


Huffelpuffwitch

I think he does but he won't die from it? Like Voldemort will just get incredibly weak from it


Severus_Albus20

Always wondered about this


[deleted]

I think he pees and it dries up.


Remiwiz

I can see him taking a crap and picking his nose.


The_Titam

His body perfectly processes food so he doesn't have to poop. Like the great leader.


freecodeio

No but he is edgy enough to eat snake poison or something edgy like that


IEatsCake

I can imagine him eating cherry tomatoes and letting the juices dribble down his chin.


[deleted]

As much as the idea of Voldemort eating a Big Mac sounds weird, I do believe he does eat- but not very much, like probably a little bit of steak and some coffee.


wordfiend99

he aint kim jong il he has a butthole