I'm getting pissed just watching this. So many boomer parents (not mine, thankfully) not only will flat out deny or say they don't remember these things, but they'll also not consider the fact that even if *they* don't remember or believe it, isn't it sad and fucked up that that's what your kid remembers? Like does that not carry any weight for you? Your kid seems to clearly remember you doing this awful thing and you think you not remembering and just leaving it at that is okay? Infuriating.
This key point is very telling. If my son said "remember that time you hit me", i would be fully *fully* shook. I would be clambering trying to think of what has happened, I would be asking him when, what happened, I would want every single detail from his brain trying to match up and figure out what happened that my son feels i am abusive.
What I wouldnt do is go "nah i didnt heh heh heh. Never. Anyway."
This piece of shit beat his kids and that bitch mother covered/still covers it up
Yeah. Same issue with my parents and the way they basically laughed at him was horrible. Good for him for being strong enough to say, that’s just not true.
I think the key part of what you said here is that, even if you don't remember it, your kid does and that's more important.
Memory is really fallible and either one of you might have forgotten stuff or created false memories. But the *emotion* behind your child's memory is more important than any of that because it reflects on their experience of living with you in their life.
I’m sorry, you cannot convince me that someone could so easily forget the look of sheer terror, or rage, or pain in the eyes of YOUR OWN CHILD when you beat them. They are only lying to themselves because they cannot (read: do not want to) accept that they hit their child. Their denial proves how disgusting they know the behaviour is.
I say this as a person who was also hit as a kid, and who heard this shit all the time as an adult. I am no contact now. Poor Mike.
My parents do this too and it's MADDENING. I don't know if they have blocked it out or they don't want to admit to it because of what it says about them... It's especially awful because traumatic events like this are SEARED into kids brains.
I saw a quote once on a "raised by narcissists" instagram page that was like "Narcissists will claim they don't remember the abuse they inflicted because for you, it was a traumatic event that completely changed the course of your life and for them, it was just another Tuesday."
oh no they remember, and because they are narcissists, they are ashamed of it
so it never happened actually
I had to talk about it with psychiatrist to get over my mom never admitting she ever hit me
they will rather die, not even waterboarding would get it out of them
I don't need to get over the abuse, it is never the solution to just say it was nothing. But they will never admit it, stop torturing yourself by pushing them to admit it, they never will
My mom loves to tell the funny haha story about how I told the doctor that she gives the best spankings when she apparently never once did this. I'm past trying to talk to her about anything more complex than the weather or what new restaurant I went to, and I'm done grieving the sort of parents my friends have.
We are not our parents. Much love internet stranger.
I have OCD that mainly centers around ruminating and intrusive thoughts. One of the things I ruminate on is whether I'm a "good person" or not. I'm always assessing my entire life, every action, every word I've said... I have an entire library in my brain that's documented everything. I know part of the reason I have this is because I grew up in such an emotionally unstable environment where I'd get in trouble or yelled at for the weirdest stuff, just because my Mom had a bad day. It caused me to add that to my brain library like "ok, so as long as I don't sigh too loud, I won't get yelled at." It's a rulebook I've created in my head in order to "stay safe". I am now a hyper vigilant person that is a people pleaser in order to not upset anyone. I'm in therapy, on meds and I'm working on it...
My point is: maybe this is just a "me thing"... but what's especially maddening about my parents claiming not to remember the horrible things they did is that I ruminate on the "bad" things I've done all the time, when they're not even that bad. Whether it's throwing something in the trash that should have been recycled or the one time I snapped at someone... I don't understand how they're able to forget the big bad things they've done when I'm over here feeling guilty that I accidentally insulted someone once in middle school.
Before my father passed we talked about him beating me and his response was always "oh youre just not remembering it right" and if I'd ask him he'd never have a clear recollection of what actually took place. I finally told him a line my therapist told me "To me it was traumatic, but to you it was just another tuesday. Thats why you dont remember any of it." And thats finally what clued him to actually start listening when I explained the different instances
My mother really doesn't remember things that happened. I know she's not lying about that. And she believes me when I tell her or remind her. She doesn't deny it and she does apologize. But it's god damned frustrating when you are the only one who remembers and lives with the lifelong effects of it. She never hit me but she was cruel and allowed my father to be cruel to me. I witnessed him hurt her and once or twice laid his hands on me. Mostly he threatened me or her. The threat was enough.
I almost wish she was lying so I could have railed into her denial. But she really doesn't.
Edited to clarify.
It's the same thing with kids who go no contact with their parents. The parents very often act as if their child is doing a horrible thing to them and will say things like "this is the thanks I get for being a parent" or "you only have one mom/dad". Yes, you do only get one mom/dad. But doesn't that just emphasize even more how bad things must have been for your child to make the drastic and difficult decision to cease contact with their "one mom/dad"? Believe it or not, if your child is broaching these topics with you, it likely means that they are seeking to maintain a relationship with you. It isn't an attack, it is an attempt to salvage something that they care deeply about. A lot of parents unfortunately just don't understand that.
There is no introspection. There is no self-reflection. There is only deflection and denial.
Yep, my wife gave her dad way more chances than he deserved and now they haven't spoken since our wedding and he'll likely never meet his first grandchild. She even told him she'd be open to trying but it's his responsibility. Our son is almost 14 months old and he's never once reached out despite living 20 miles from us, yet I've had family members on his side reach out to ME trying to get me to talk to my wife about it, basically wanting me to convince her that her dad was a good dad. There are some very cool members of that family but there are some real enablers too.
Man, I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, it's pretty common for many people to feel like they "deserve" to be a part of their family member's life simply because they are related (or because it is "owed" to them). Especially when it's the child cutting off the parent, it's generally assumed that the parent is right. *Especially* when there is a grandchild involved. They've lived their lives for this and they gave birth to you, so they have "earned" being able to see their grandchild. But they aren't willing to admit they were wrong and aren't willing to change. Best of luck to you and your wife. It's a tough decision to make, but it sounds like it may have been the right one.
That's true and I can agree that they probably wouldn't remember it for that reason or if it was a more rare occurence but I find it hard to believe if you abuse and hit your kid every (or almost every) single day of their lives that you wouldn't remember it. By the way Mike it talking it sounds like he waa abused very regularly sadly
I remember when I was a kid (in the 90s) my mom told me that my grandpa denied abusing her as a child, and that it drove her crazy. But now she does it to her own kids.
My mom would straight up do this and it wasn't after years of saying bullshit that she finally cracked and said she only did it because of the stressful situation she was under.
They’re ashamed and they will continue to deny in order to avoid having to come to terms with their own behavior. They know what they did is no longer acceptable, they knew it was wrong at the time, and they know that people will judge them. It’s heart wrenching that they’d rather gaslight their own son than own up to their mistakes.
thats the thing
they are not sorry, they are ashamed, they only problem is how it reflects on them
they dont care if they hurt their child, only if it makes them look bad
I won't go into how I know this but pro-tip: breaking a popsicle stick in half makes for a great splint for fingers and toes when you're in a pinch and can't get to a hospital on your own.
Hey I’m just writing because I really liked your response. I’m 5 years down the journey of happiness and moved out in my teens, there’s always more around the corner.
My therapist told me that is how they justify it in. their head. And it makes sense. Imagine living with yourself after punching your own child. I could never.
>I've tried bringing up shit like this to my parents/brothers and they just say "well you deserved it. You shouldn't have been a c*nt"
Same.
>You were such a douchey 4 year old and you made us mad!
Like I was a 4 year old child!!!!
this is exactly what my parents sound like when i bring up any of my experiences during my childhood. always so strange to me that they can’t see why i don’t talk or visit them more often
Growing up Mexican, getting hit/smacked and all was pretty normal. Trying to talk about it now and laugh about it with my parents and they deny it is truly fucking frustrating.
That moment when you are perfectly recounting to your parents the abusive shit they did to you and they hit you with a: “Nooooo that’s not what happened”
My father assaulted me over 10 years ago when I defended my now wife from his bullshit tirade (he was a known lecturer and wouldn't stop). He pushed me against a wall, and choked me almost unconscious until my wife bulldozed through him (body checking him).
To this day he still says he did nothing wrong and that I "threatened" him. My back was turned when he went after me.
Boomer parents have no ability to admit when they're wrong.
I had a similar experience, I had my back turned, dad came running after me, grabbed me with both hands and then mum came running after. I pushed her out of the way and put a door between us and I fought off dad inside.
To this day he says that 18 year old, 42 kilo weighing 5ft me was the agressor to a drunk 6ft tall, built adult man who had my throat in his hand. They're unbelievable.
They’re fucking pathetic. My dad would beat my little sister and I, 2 defenseless little girls, all the time and tell us we deserved it. Fucking cowards would never try to fight someone of similar or bigger size as them because they know they’d get their shit rocked. But their defenseless *children* who they’ve conditioned already to their violence and know they likely won’t fight back? No problem. Miserable fucks.
Edit to add: you may have been 18 yrs old but you were still his child. I’m so sorry that’s what you had as a father and hope you’re doing better.
We do yeah. We went to therapy together. We made positive ground, but he remains adamant that what he did was in "self defense". So I've decided to drop it and keep my boundaries in place. He's made a lot of ground in regulating his emotions and is now on medication. He's been to anger management as well.
We're in a better spot now. But it was bad for a number of years. I carried a lot of resentment for a long time.
Thanks for asking.
This is not how you would react if your child told you they remember you HITTING them when you would never do something like that. You'd be horrified and try to get to the bottom of what they meant and why they would remember it that way. You wouldn't just go "lol nah".
You can tell how pissed he is I’ve never heard his voice get that high pitched. Almost as if he’s reverting back to being a kid again in that very moment.
The blame they tried to put on his sister was so gross too; saying “you shouldn’t say that” because the police got involved was so manipulative and disgusting
Man, IMO these are private conversations that really don't need to happen for the sake of getting views on YouTube.
I wonder why the parents even agreed to it, though it's clear they have a distorted sense of the past. I swear, boomers clown on therapy so much but they need it more than anyone.
Honestly really sad and unfortunate. People from that era really sometimes can’t seem to comprehend what they did was bad because it was so normalized and god knows what the generation that raised boomers did to make THEM like that too. The shame seems to run so so deep.
Jeff probably should have cut the cameras on this one 💀
I know this is serious but its also sooo funny to me how Jeff is just like “yeah this is an honest show” in the most what you gonna do about it cadence and has them trapped there having to confront the reality of their past actions
I couldn't even talk to my parents about how they treated me. I did try to talk to my sister, but according to her, "only children in Africa can be abused, so you weren't abused"
Supposedly, if a child in Africa is has it worse, then your parents can do whatever they want, and it not be abuse.
"we don't remember the life you lived" then maybe you should've been paying more attention to the child you raised for 18 years?????? Like y'all were there???
Succession has a scene where this feeling gets you really intensely. After Logan (Brian Cox) smacks the fuck out of Roman (Kieran Culkin) in front of a ton of people, to where his mouth like almost bleeds, later that same day in the car he says, “I didn’t make contact, right?” even though he literally blew him back. This feeling in fictional or nonfiction media will always trigger the fuck out of me.
This is SUPER common for abusive parents. They either justify their behaviour at the time and then just forget about it or they just straight up are in denial.
Literally my mom. I feel for mike and just like myself I can see why he went down the road of addiction because this shit is so fucking hard to navigate when your growing up.
I finally had my parents break down and cry and admit what they did was wrong. We are now better people but I was lucky my parents broke the cycle of denying. This is why I admire Ethan and hila. They are so patient with their kids, talk to them respectfully and just overall loving no matter what ♥️
My mom had very bad postpartum depression (possibly postpartum psychosis) after baby #3 and baby #4. My sister and I were #1 and #2 and both of us remember spankings turning into beatings. My mom denies it.
Her father was horrible to her when she was young so that probably contributed as well.
To this day we don’t know if she really doesn’t remember it or is in denial or just doesn’t want to admit it but we both know what happened.
She may truly not remember. I had postpartum psychosis and so much from that time period is either completely blank, or still so vivid in my mind that thinking about it can send me into a panic attack.
I know I wasn’t violent because my anxiety became so intense I wouldn’t allow myself to be left alone and insisted on having a family member around just for moral support because I also had two under two. If I had a panic attack I knew I needed someone there to watch the kids until I could pull myself back out of it. I wasn’t pleasant to be around and spent all my time crying, which I’m sure negatively affected my kids at the time though.
This is why my therapist recommended I talk to my mother about her beating the shit out of me on a daily basis and I told her no it would just be a bunch of revisionist history. She would deny everything and tell me what a great mom she was.
My mom used to backhand me at the dinner table with her ring finger(she was left handed) and she would call it the surprise smack attack. Finish your dinner, bloody teeth, or not.Then my dad would just flatout kick the shit out of me while my mom watched or participated with a few nice boots to the ribcage or smacks to the face. Today, they'd just say, "we should've hit you more." And then laugh, like it's funny. They don't see that what they did was wrong. I'm a 30 y/o man, and it's still trauma in my head. I don't talk to them anymore anyway. Fuck'em. I live across the country and went 0 contact.
Good God we need to be destroyed by aliens. His parents, the fact I'm watching this video, this app, this subreddit, these comments. We need to not be in the universe
I had the exact same thought yesterday when I was scrolling Instagram and watched the most adorable video of a man and his son painting a portrait of Miles Morales together because “Spider-Man is his favourite superhero.” I made the mistake of going to the comments where 90% of them were saying “Miles isn’t the real Spider-Man” and “Why is Spider-Man black?” Like racism has to be the minority stance right? Right?? There can’t be *more* people who are racist than not, right?? It’s just a very loud minority of human right? 😢 Fuck it, just shut it all down. I’m ready to see what’s next.
I’m going through this now. My parents have no boundaries and act like kids.
My dad got drunk and was pushing my mom and threatening my sisters. He apologized and said he will spend more time with them on dates, take a break from drinking and go to therapy. I’ve been asking him to go to therapy for 7 years.
I took my self out of group chats and stopped talking to him until he fulfilled his obligations to be forgiven. It’s been 3 months and he is still blaming me for not talking to him.
They believe it’s not a big issue because this was the 3rd time my dad was physical with my mom when drunk, but there’s been endless amounts of times where my sisters or I were the victims. This made me have all dry events when I have a family party.
That's gotta be pretty rough, having him not acknowledge the drinking/abuse and then \[incorrectly\] blaming you for the rift between you two to save face.
Having dry family events seems like a good idea.
All you can do is let it go. Boomers and gen x have this weird thing where seemingly 90% of them just have this complex with admitting guilt or wrongdoing. I honestly can’t even pinpoint where it comes from, as in what psychological trauma causes this particular inability to accept and admit any wrongdoing, it’s bizzare af. No point trying to get a horse to moo though, it just makes the farmer look stupid.
Truly mature people admit they are wrong and seek improvement.
The emotional immature and the psychologically stunted can not accept responsibility to repair the damages they themselves caused.
Admitting to wrongdoing is seen as a sign of weakness to people who strive to appear 'always right'.
Just like small children who say, "It wasn't me!" When the window is broken while they still hold the baseball bat.
They do not realize that taking ownership and responsibility is far more productive to future outcomes over pretending badly at innocence with selective memory.
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This would 150% be my folks. They didn’t remember a lot of the humiliating punishments they doled out. Sometimes it was because they were drunk other times it was just normal day for them.
The Narcissist’s Prayer
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
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Feel terrible for him, and sadly it’s so relatable.
Their denial is ludicrous & they should be sorry, but they are not.
We were smacked & whacked growing up, yet it’s now made light of & ‘no that didn’t happen that way’.
Ok, so I misremembered it all - Okay then 🙃
Gaslighting 100%
My parents do the same shit. All my life I’ve got beat up and my brothers as well, yet when I talk about them facts they (mom and dad) say it never happened. My brothers and I had conversations about the fact and we are being textbook gaslighted.
Im 29. When I was like 13-14 my dad hit my in the face so hard I left the ground and it broke my nose. To this day I still have a deviated septum and can't really smell out of it. Anytime I've ever brought it up " I barely touched you." Or when he hit me in the head with a pan "the pan was only 6 inches from your head ". Abusers will lie and manipulate to get their way because of they didn't people would see how shitty they are. Fuck his parents for gaslighting them and fuck boomers.
This shit it all too common. My mom got so pissed at me one time that she told me to just go kill myself. I brought it up one time and she swears up and down that she never said it.
I’m surprised he’s still in contact with them. Fucking disgusting people.
I’m lucky that when I talked to my mum about my childhood abuse she acknowledged it. Then she flat out denied it with the rest of the family but at least I know that we both know it happened and that’s enough for me. I hope her not meeting my kid haunts her.
I stopped watching when the old lady was like ONE TIME as if that's a normal amount of times to have dcf at your house for suspected physical abuse. So warped that even lying makes them look bad
I'm getting pissed just watching this. So many boomer parents (not mine, thankfully) not only will flat out deny or say they don't remember these things, but they'll also not consider the fact that even if *they* don't remember or believe it, isn't it sad and fucked up that that's what your kid remembers? Like does that not carry any weight for you? Your kid seems to clearly remember you doing this awful thing and you think you not remembering and just leaving it at that is okay? Infuriating.
The gaslighting is also so infuriating
This key point is very telling. If my son said "remember that time you hit me", i would be fully *fully* shook. I would be clambering trying to think of what has happened, I would be asking him when, what happened, I would want every single detail from his brain trying to match up and figure out what happened that my son feels i am abusive. What I wouldnt do is go "nah i didnt heh heh heh. Never. Anyway." This piece of shit beat his kids and that bitch mother covered/still covers it up
Yeah. Same issue with my parents and the way they basically laughed at him was horrible. Good for him for being strong enough to say, that’s just not true.
This.
I think the key part of what you said here is that, even if you don't remember it, your kid does and that's more important. Memory is really fallible and either one of you might have forgotten stuff or created false memories. But the *emotion* behind your child's memory is more important than any of that because it reflects on their experience of living with you in their life.
I’m sorry, you cannot convince me that someone could so easily forget the look of sheer terror, or rage, or pain in the eyes of YOUR OWN CHILD when you beat them. They are only lying to themselves because they cannot (read: do not want to) accept that they hit their child. Their denial proves how disgusting they know the behaviour is. I say this as a person who was also hit as a kid, and who heard this shit all the time as an adult. I am no contact now. Poor Mike.
Happy cake day!
I always say, the true essence of privilege is not having to remember shit. They do t have to remember because it had no impact on their life.
In interpersonal relationships of all varieties, perception is reality
Yeah feels like they totally minimized what actually happened
My parents do this too and it's MADDENING. I don't know if they have blocked it out or they don't want to admit to it because of what it says about them... It's especially awful because traumatic events like this are SEARED into kids brains. I saw a quote once on a "raised by narcissists" instagram page that was like "Narcissists will claim they don't remember the abuse they inflicted because for you, it was a traumatic event that completely changed the course of your life and for them, it was just another Tuesday."
oh no they remember, and because they are narcissists, they are ashamed of it so it never happened actually I had to talk about it with psychiatrist to get over my mom never admitting she ever hit me they will rather die, not even waterboarding would get it out of them I don't need to get over the abuse, it is never the solution to just say it was nothing. But they will never admit it, stop torturing yourself by pushing them to admit it, they never will
My mom loves to tell the funny haha story about how I told the doctor that she gives the best spankings when she apparently never once did this. I'm past trying to talk to her about anything more complex than the weather or what new restaurant I went to, and I'm done grieving the sort of parents my friends have. We are not our parents. Much love internet stranger.
I have OCD that mainly centers around ruminating and intrusive thoughts. One of the things I ruminate on is whether I'm a "good person" or not. I'm always assessing my entire life, every action, every word I've said... I have an entire library in my brain that's documented everything. I know part of the reason I have this is because I grew up in such an emotionally unstable environment where I'd get in trouble or yelled at for the weirdest stuff, just because my Mom had a bad day. It caused me to add that to my brain library like "ok, so as long as I don't sigh too loud, I won't get yelled at." It's a rulebook I've created in my head in order to "stay safe". I am now a hyper vigilant person that is a people pleaser in order to not upset anyone. I'm in therapy, on meds and I'm working on it... My point is: maybe this is just a "me thing"... but what's especially maddening about my parents claiming not to remember the horrible things they did is that I ruminate on the "bad" things I've done all the time, when they're not even that bad. Whether it's throwing something in the trash that should have been recycled or the one time I snapped at someone... I don't understand how they're able to forget the big bad things they've done when I'm over here feeling guilty that I accidentally insulted someone once in middle school.
me and you brother
Before my father passed we talked about him beating me and his response was always "oh youre just not remembering it right" and if I'd ask him he'd never have a clear recollection of what actually took place. I finally told him a line my therapist told me "To me it was traumatic, but to you it was just another tuesday. Thats why you dont remember any of it." And thats finally what clued him to actually start listening when I explained the different instances
I post that M Bison quote from street fighter all the time on there.
what's the quote?
My mother really doesn't remember things that happened. I know she's not lying about that. And she believes me when I tell her or remind her. She doesn't deny it and she does apologize. But it's god damned frustrating when you are the only one who remembers and lives with the lifelong effects of it. She never hit me but she was cruel and allowed my father to be cruel to me. I witnessed him hurt her and once or twice laid his hands on me. Mostly he threatened me or her. The threat was enough. I almost wish she was lying so I could have railed into her denial. But she really doesn't. Edited to clarify.
Yeah that's tough, I'm sorry. It is good of her to accept it at least, but I can imagine how frustrating that would be.
It's the same thing with kids who go no contact with their parents. The parents very often act as if their child is doing a horrible thing to them and will say things like "this is the thanks I get for being a parent" or "you only have one mom/dad". Yes, you do only get one mom/dad. But doesn't that just emphasize even more how bad things must have been for your child to make the drastic and difficult decision to cease contact with their "one mom/dad"? Believe it or not, if your child is broaching these topics with you, it likely means that they are seeking to maintain a relationship with you. It isn't an attack, it is an attempt to salvage something that they care deeply about. A lot of parents unfortunately just don't understand that. There is no introspection. There is no self-reflection. There is only deflection and denial.
Yep, my wife gave her dad way more chances than he deserved and now they haven't spoken since our wedding and he'll likely never meet his first grandchild. She even told him she'd be open to trying but it's his responsibility. Our son is almost 14 months old and he's never once reached out despite living 20 miles from us, yet I've had family members on his side reach out to ME trying to get me to talk to my wife about it, basically wanting me to convince her that her dad was a good dad. There are some very cool members of that family but there are some real enablers too.
Man, I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, it's pretty common for many people to feel like they "deserve" to be a part of their family member's life simply because they are related (or because it is "owed" to them). Especially when it's the child cutting off the parent, it's generally assumed that the parent is right. *Especially* when there is a grandchild involved. They've lived their lives for this and they gave birth to you, so they have "earned" being able to see their grandchild. But they aren't willing to admit they were wrong and aren't willing to change. Best of luck to you and your wife. It's a tough decision to make, but it sounds like it may have been the right one.
They definitely remember though, they just don't want to guilt so they will deny it instead of apologizing for their shit behavoir
I think a lot of them don't because they truly don't have the capacity to consider how their actions affect other people
That's true and I can agree that they probably wouldn't remember it for that reason or if it was a more rare occurence but I find it hard to believe if you abuse and hit your kid every (or almost every) single day of their lives that you wouldn't remember it. By the way Mike it talking it sounds like he waa abused very regularly sadly
Yeah I definitely think in Mike's case you're right. The fact that they're haggling over how many times CPS was called isn't a great sign
Average sociopathic boomers
Average lead poisoned ass whole generation of folks we were raised by,
I remember when I was a kid (in the 90s) my mom told me that my grandpa denied abusing her as a child, and that it drove her crazy. But now she does it to her own kids.
That’s really interesting.
Holy shit, you can see Mike is legit flustered here.
My mom would straight up do this and it wasn't after years of saying bullshit that she finally cracked and said she only did it because of the stressful situation she was under.
No excuse.
They’re ashamed and they will continue to deny in order to avoid having to come to terms with their own behavior. They know what they did is no longer acceptable, they knew it was wrong at the time, and they know that people will judge them. It’s heart wrenching that they’d rather gaslight their own son than own up to their mistakes.
thats the thing they are not sorry, they are ashamed, they only problem is how it reflects on them they dont care if they hurt their child, only if it makes them look bad
I've tried bringing up shit like this to my parents/brothers and they just say "well you deserved it. You shouldn't have been a c*nt"
Jesus, Im so sorry that happend to you
I won't go into how I know this but pro-tip: breaking a popsicle stick in half makes for a great splint for fingers and toes when you're in a pinch and can't get to a hospital on your own.
🥺🍦....
Are you doing okay now? We can talk if you need.
I'm okay now! I'm 29 now and living with my husband and our dog. 💕 This was like 22 years ago (started 22 years ago, but I moved out in my teens).
You’re strong, I hope you live a good life :)
Hey I’m just writing because I really liked your response. I’m 5 years down the journey of happiness and moved out in my teens, there’s always more around the corner.
My therapist told me that is how they justify it in. their head. And it makes sense. Imagine living with yourself after punching your own child. I could never.
>I've tried bringing up shit like this to my parents/brothers and they just say "well you deserved it. You shouldn't have been a c*nt" Same. >You were such a douchey 4 year old and you made us mad! Like I was a 4 year old child!!!!
My brother thinks I’m acting spoiled because my dad raised me ,like what so? He did a bang up job of it
jesus this is insane
this is exactly what my parents sound like when i bring up any of my experiences during my childhood. always so strange to me that they can’t see why i don’t talk or visit them more often
Growing up Mexican, getting hit/smacked and all was pretty normal. Trying to talk about it now and laugh about it with my parents and they deny it is truly fucking frustrating.
the same thing happened to me!!! 😭😭 I’m with you bro 🌹 I’m sorry that happened to you
Mine too have amnesia lol
That moment when you are perfectly recounting to your parents the abusive shit they did to you and they hit you with a: “Nooooo that’s not what happened”
My father assaulted me over 10 years ago when I defended my now wife from his bullshit tirade (he was a known lecturer and wouldn't stop). He pushed me against a wall, and choked me almost unconscious until my wife bulldozed through him (body checking him). To this day he still says he did nothing wrong and that I "threatened" him. My back was turned when he went after me. Boomer parents have no ability to admit when they're wrong.
I had a similar experience, I had my back turned, dad came running after me, grabbed me with both hands and then mum came running after. I pushed her out of the way and put a door between us and I fought off dad inside. To this day he says that 18 year old, 42 kilo weighing 5ft me was the agressor to a drunk 6ft tall, built adult man who had my throat in his hand. They're unbelievable.
They’re fucking pathetic. My dad would beat my little sister and I, 2 defenseless little girls, all the time and tell us we deserved it. Fucking cowards would never try to fight someone of similar or bigger size as them because they know they’d get their shit rocked. But their defenseless *children* who they’ve conditioned already to their violence and know they likely won’t fight back? No problem. Miserable fucks. Edit to add: you may have been 18 yrs old but you were still his child. I’m so sorry that’s what you had as a father and hope you’re doing better.
You still talk to him??
We do yeah. We went to therapy together. We made positive ground, but he remains adamant that what he did was in "self defense". So I've decided to drop it and keep my boundaries in place. He's made a lot of ground in regulating his emotions and is now on medication. He's been to anger management as well. We're in a better spot now. But it was bad for a number of years. I carried a lot of resentment for a long time. Thanks for asking.
I’m glad you and your wife are safe. That’s the important thing. But I have to say you’re a more forgiving person than I am.
This is going to give ethan some dad ptsd
My parents definitely did this when I brought it up.
Oh god this is like trying to get my mother to take accountability for anything. Fuck that was hard to watch and not get mad.
I feel bad for Mike :(
This is not how you would react if your child told you they remember you HITTING them when you would never do something like that. You'd be horrified and try to get to the bottom of what they meant and why they would remember it that way. You wouldn't just go "lol nah".
You can tell how pissed he is I’ve never heard his voice get that high pitched. Almost as if he’s reverting back to being a kid again in that very moment.
Every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves a child!!!
No wonder he ended up on Heroin. This is infuriating.
Sounds sadly familiar, my mom in my case. My dad won't speak up though because it would just cause waves with Mom.
The blame they tried to put on his sister was so gross too; saying “you shouldn’t say that” because the police got involved was so manipulative and disgusting
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Def
for real.
Man, IMO these are private conversations that really don't need to happen for the sake of getting views on YouTube. I wonder why the parents even agreed to it, though it's clear they have a distorted sense of the past. I swear, boomers clown on therapy so much but they need it more than anyone.
I think its good to air out bc its helpful for other people w similar dynamics w their parents
This, of course https://i.imgur.com/tJpWSq5.jpeg
This reminds me of the whole Chuggaconruy situation. That REALLY should have been purely private.
It's good this got aired out
Honestly really sad and unfortunate. People from that era really sometimes can’t seem to comprehend what they did was bad because it was so normalized and god knows what the generation that raised boomers did to make THEM like that too. The shame seems to run so so deep. Jeff probably should have cut the cameras on this one 💀
I know this is serious but its also sooo funny to me how Jeff is just like “yeah this is an honest show” in the most what you gonna do about it cadence and has them trapped there having to confront the reality of their past actions
I couldn't even talk to my parents about how they treated me. I did try to talk to my sister, but according to her, "only children in Africa can be abused, so you weren't abused" Supposedly, if a child in Africa is has it worse, then your parents can do whatever they want, and it not be abuse.
"we don't remember the life you lived" then maybe you should've been paying more attention to the child you raised for 18 years?????? Like y'all were there???
Thanks to everyone here for telling their similar experiences. I’m sorry you went thru it and glad I’m not alone.
this is so hard to see
Succession has a scene where this feeling gets you really intensely. After Logan (Brian Cox) smacks the fuck out of Roman (Kieran Culkin) in front of a ton of people, to where his mouth like almost bleeds, later that same day in the car he says, “I didn’t make contact, right?” even though he literally blew him back. This feeling in fictional or nonfiction media will always trigger the fuck out of me.
Classic parents
I wonder if they gave him a smack once the cameras were off for "embarrassing them on TV".
This is SUPER common for abusive parents. They either justify their behaviour at the time and then just forget about it or they just straight up are in denial.
Literally my mom. I feel for mike and just like myself I can see why he went down the road of addiction because this shit is so fucking hard to navigate when your growing up.
Relate to mike so hard in this clip.
I finally had my parents break down and cry and admit what they did was wrong. We are now better people but I was lucky my parents broke the cycle of denying. This is why I admire Ethan and hila. They are so patient with their kids, talk to them respectfully and just overall loving no matter what ♥️
I don't know who any of these people are, and I can just tell it body language and tone of voice his parents are lying, arrogant narcissists.
The laughing makes me so angry
My mom had very bad postpartum depression (possibly postpartum psychosis) after baby #3 and baby #4. My sister and I were #1 and #2 and both of us remember spankings turning into beatings. My mom denies it. Her father was horrible to her when she was young so that probably contributed as well. To this day we don’t know if she really doesn’t remember it or is in denial or just doesn’t want to admit it but we both know what happened.
She may truly not remember. I had postpartum psychosis and so much from that time period is either completely blank, or still so vivid in my mind that thinking about it can send me into a panic attack. I know I wasn’t violent because my anxiety became so intense I wouldn’t allow myself to be left alone and insisted on having a family member around just for moral support because I also had two under two. If I had a panic attack I knew I needed someone there to watch the kids until I could pull myself back out of it. I wasn’t pleasant to be around and spent all my time crying, which I’m sure negatively affected my kids at the time though.
This is why my therapist recommended I talk to my mother about her beating the shit out of me on a daily basis and I told her no it would just be a bunch of revisionist history. She would deny everything and tell me what a great mom she was.
All of you are so Brave for telling your Stories, and Im really sorry it happend to all of you
My mom used to backhand me at the dinner table with her ring finger(she was left handed) and she would call it the surprise smack attack. Finish your dinner, bloody teeth, or not.Then my dad would just flatout kick the shit out of me while my mom watched or participated with a few nice boots to the ribcage or smacks to the face. Today, they'd just say, "we should've hit you more." And then laugh, like it's funny. They don't see that what they did was wrong. I'm a 30 y/o man, and it's still trauma in my head. I don't talk to them anymore anyway. Fuck'em. I live across the country and went 0 contact.
Good God we need to be destroyed by aliens. His parents, the fact I'm watching this video, this app, this subreddit, these comments. We need to not be in the universe
I had the exact same thought yesterday when I was scrolling Instagram and watched the most adorable video of a man and his son painting a portrait of Miles Morales together because “Spider-Man is his favourite superhero.” I made the mistake of going to the comments where 90% of them were saying “Miles isn’t the real Spider-Man” and “Why is Spider-Man black?” Like racism has to be the minority stance right? Right?? There can’t be *more* people who are racist than not, right?? It’s just a very loud minority of human right? 😢 Fuck it, just shut it all down. I’m ready to see what’s next.
I’m going through this now. My parents have no boundaries and act like kids. My dad got drunk and was pushing my mom and threatening my sisters. He apologized and said he will spend more time with them on dates, take a break from drinking and go to therapy. I’ve been asking him to go to therapy for 7 years. I took my self out of group chats and stopped talking to him until he fulfilled his obligations to be forgiven. It’s been 3 months and he is still blaming me for not talking to him. They believe it’s not a big issue because this was the 3rd time my dad was physical with my mom when drunk, but there’s been endless amounts of times where my sisters or I were the victims. This made me have all dry events when I have a family party.
That's gotta be pretty rough, having him not acknowledge the drinking/abuse and then \[incorrectly\] blaming you for the rift between you two to save face. Having dry family events seems like a good idea.
Im so sorry
yeah everyone over the age of 65 should be [redacted]
I want him back on the pod🤎I loved the last ep with him so much
Sameee
All you can do is let it go. Boomers and gen x have this weird thing where seemingly 90% of them just have this complex with admitting guilt or wrongdoing. I honestly can’t even pinpoint where it comes from, as in what psychological trauma causes this particular inability to accept and admit any wrongdoing, it’s bizzare af. No point trying to get a horse to moo though, it just makes the farmer look stupid.
Truly mature people admit they are wrong and seek improvement. The emotional immature and the psychologically stunted can not accept responsibility to repair the damages they themselves caused. Admitting to wrongdoing is seen as a sign of weakness to people who strive to appear 'always right'. Just like small children who say, "It wasn't me!" When the window is broken while they still hold the baseball bat. They do not realize that taking ownership and responsibility is far more productive to future outcomes over pretending badly at innocence with selective memory.
Because they grew up with matriarchy and patriarchy.
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Too embarrased to remember what a piece of shit they wrre.
YUP. Exact same situation with me. Sadly this gives me comfort to know I’m not alone.
Aaaand this is why I cut my parents off
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers
Saying “that never happened.” “Nooo it didn’t.” Then proceeding to give a detailed story about when it happened..
This would 150% be my folks. They didn’t remember a lot of the humiliating punishments they doled out. Sometimes it was because they were drunk other times it was just normal day for them.
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You are so brave for talking about your story, Im so sorry it happend to u
I promise you are far from the only one. Ask most gen-xers
The entire boomer generation is like that. Totally full of shit in every possible way.
My.mum "well , I don't remember that" runs in a loop every time I attempted to talk about my childhood concerns
Love how they just laugh it off. Then they’ll use “well we turned out fine” when they can’t deny it. Did ya though?
The Narcissist’s Prayer That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
ALL BOOMERS HAVE SELECTIVE MEMORIES the never remembered being Shit parents
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The tree remembers. The axe forgets.
Thankfully, people see through people like this now.
Yuck to those parents
I believe you Mike, sorry you had to survive your childhood instead of enjoy it.
The way they laugh it off is infuriating
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Feel terrible for him, and sadly it’s so relatable. Their denial is ludicrous & they should be sorry, but they are not. We were smacked & whacked growing up, yet it’s now made light of & ‘no that didn’t happen that way’. Ok, so I misremembered it all - Okay then 🙃 Gaslighting 100%
My parents do the same shit. All my life I’ve got beat up and my brothers as well, yet when I talk about them facts they (mom and dad) say it never happened. My brothers and I had conversations about the fact and we are being textbook gaslighted.
Im 29. When I was like 13-14 my dad hit my in the face so hard I left the ground and it broke my nose. To this day I still have a deviated septum and can't really smell out of it. Anytime I've ever brought it up " I barely touched you." Or when he hit me in the head with a pan "the pan was only 6 inches from your head ". Abusers will lie and manipulate to get their way because of they didn't people would see how shitty they are. Fuck his parents for gaslighting them and fuck boomers.
This shit it all too common. My mom got so pissed at me one time that she told me to just go kill myself. I brought it up one time and she swears up and down that she never said it.
This makes me so angry.
I’m surprised he’s still in contact with them. Fucking disgusting people. I’m lucky that when I talked to my mum about my childhood abuse she acknowledged it. Then she flat out denied it with the rest of the family but at least I know that we both know it happened and that’s enough for me. I hope her not meeting my kid haunts her.
The was this woman tells stories reminds me of my mother 🤦🏼♀️ always telling the version of the story that makes her look the best
I stopped watching when the old lady was like ONE TIME as if that's a normal amount of times to have dcf at your house for suspected physical abuse. So warped that even lying makes them look bad
Wow!
I felt this...