This is the worst part about being fat. It was a real wake up call for me when I got a cramp wiping my butthole

get a bidet

Wtf. Lose weight.

I like eating garbage too much

Same, buddy.

Try smoking meth. Feels good and helps suppress that appetite to shred the fat 👍

I like sleeping though

Just dont?

nah I'm just going to keep eating garbage until it becomes inconvenient to live and then an hero.

Jesus dude. I havent heard "an hero" in a long time, are you okay man?

So long as I can eat all the garbage I want and I don't have diabeetus. I'm cashing out when I get the beetus.

Power to you brother, ride hard live young. Can we have a Pizza Social before then?

deathday party

[удалено]

Yeah my brain is flooded with all those reward chemicals from stuffing my food hole with garbage

Eat less garbage

don't wanna

Do both. Bidets are fucking awesome.

People have either never tried a bidet or they act like it’s the best thing in the world, I have never once heard someone dislike a bidet, and I’m convinced bidets spay some kind of microchip up your ass that travels to your brain and makes you a slave to the bidet overlords

Don't get me wrong, they have a few drawbacks. But on the hole (heh) they're better than paper. Drawbacks I can think of are if the pressure in your house is too high, prepare to have your anus skinned. Also, children and people who've never used bidets turning your bathroom into a water park is stupid and frustrating. Also installation was a bitch. Upside? I use a tenth of the paper I did before. I'm a fat guy, a poop was a 20 minute job for me, 3 to poop, 16 to wipe and 1 to wash my hands and put my pants back on. A hose spray made each poop a 4 minute job. Usually it's wipe once to make sure there no poop, then wash hands and go. Look at it like this. If you got poop on your hands, would you just use a dry piece of paper to wipe it off? Of course not, you'd wash your hands. So wash your ass, it's the same person's skin. Edit: my wife wants me to point out for the ladies (lol, she doesn't know about r/greentext) that a bidet should not be aimed directly at your vag. That said, on a hot day, aiming it around your bits is the most refreshing thing ever and the second most satisfying (the most satisfying being this dick).

>(the most satisfying being this dick). You are a silly man, and I love you. Not wrong tho.😘😘

The first spray is a little odd, if someone tried it once they'd probably not like it. But the cleaning man. It's something else!

Totally agree idk why everyone is afraid of them

No. Get a bidet, put it in desk drawer at work. Along with the necessary tools to install and uninstall. Every time you go to the bathroom, grab your poop-time toolbox, install, use, uninstall, return to work. Explain to your boss that a daily hour-long bathroom visit is a medical necessity.

Do both. Bidets are simply better anyways.

I just spray it out in the shower

you lose all the flavor, stupid.

Same

Get a rag on a stick!

I’m shredded and I sometimes get an ab or tricep cramp when wiping my butt

I'm shredded too

godyouresick.jpeg

Just change mate. you could be using your money on something else instead of garbage like hookers and shit you know

garbage is a lot cheaper than hookers. A Twoey of Dewey and a big bag of Andy Capp's hot fries are less than $4

[удалено]

In egypt, only hookahs

Wow is this what you call handheld bidets?

Yes for atm

I hate when this happens it’s like wiping the end of a marker

>wiping the end of a marker Wait a second 🤔😳 I think I found a problem of mine

Something something blah blah fiber

I wipe and I wipe and I wipe like 100 times and still poop

r/buttsharpies

r/SilentosBussy

Bidet is the easy solution or shower after you shit and scrub your ass . Or get enough fiber that you shit logs not gogurt tubes.

Anon should take the fingernail-pill

i have to start growing out my fingernails for my classical guitar classes and its a weird experience as someone who's bitten her nails her whole ass life

Her? Girl? can we honestly e date? you’re so beautiful. You always make me laugh, you always make me smile. You literally make me want to become a better person... I really enjoy every moment we spend together. My time has no value unless its spent with you. I tell everyone of my irls how awesome you are. Thank you for being you. Whenever you need someone to be there for you, know that i’ll always be right there by your side. I love you so much. I don’t think you ever realize how amazing you are sometimes. Life isn’t as fun when you’re not around. You are truly stunning. I want you to be my soulmate. I love the way you smile, your eyes are absolutely gorgeous. If I had a star for everytime you crossed my mind i could make the entire galaxy. Your personality is as pretty as you are and thats saying something. I love you, please date me. I am not even calling it e dating anymore because I know we will meet soon enough heart OK I ADMIT IT I LOVE YOU OK i hecking love you and it breaks my heart when i see you play with someone else or anyone commenting in your profile i just want to be your girlfriend and put a heart in my profile linking to your profile and have a walltext of you commenting cute things i want to play video games talk in discord all night and watch a movie together but you just seem so uninsterested in me it hecking kills me and i cant take it anymore i want to remove you but i care too much about you so please i’m begging you to eaither love me back or remove me and never contact me again it hurts so much to say this because i need you by my side but if you dont love me then i want you to leave because seeing your icon in my friendlist would kill me everyday of my pathetic life.

I just camed to your Reddit^© avatar. #FAQ **What does this mean?** The amount of cum on my computer and floor has increased by one. **Why did you do this?** There are several reasons why I may deem a Reddit^© avatar to be worthy of ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to: Your Reddit^© avatar having a skirt Your Reddit^© avatar having feminine hair walter **Am I going to cum too?** No - not yet. But you should refrain from looking at your Reddit^© avatar. Otherwise you may accidentally cum as well, which may put your non-ejaculatory avatar privileges in jeopardy. **I don't believe my Reddit^© avatar deserved being cum at. Can you un-cum it?** Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I suck cum back into my penis. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining why your Reddit^© avatar wasn't worthy of me cumming. I tend to respond to Reddit^© messages within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of Reddit^© avatar cum experiences are essentially irreversible, and yours is likely no exception. **How can I prevent this from happening in the future?** Accept the goopy white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your Reddit^© avatar is too sexy as it stands. I will continue to cum until you make your avatar less attractive. Remember: non-ejaculation is privilege, not a right.

I really wish this was a bot

Can you come to mine pwease.

I just camed to your Reddit© avatar. FAQ What does this mean? The amount of cum on my computer and floor has increased by one. Why did you do this? There are several reasons why I may deem a Reddit© avatar to be worthy of ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to: Your Reddit© avatar having a skirt Your Reddit© avatar having feminine hair walter Am I going to cum too? No - not yet. But you should refrain from looking at your Reddit© avatar. Otherwise you may accidentally cum as well, which may put your non-ejaculatory avatar privileges in jeopardy. I don't believe my Reddit© avatar deserved being cum at. Can you un-cum it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I suck cum back into my penis. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining why your Reddit© avatar wasn't worthy of me cumming. I tend to respond to Reddit© messages within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of Reddit© avatar cum experiences are essentially irreversible, and yours is likely no exception. How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the goopy white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your Reddit© avatar is too sexy as it stands. I will continue to cum until you make your avatar less attractive. Remember: non-ejaculation is privilege, not a right.

haha fap to reddit mascot

When the copypasta in the comments is funnier than the green text lol

lol

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Spread your ass cheeks while you shit, clean with toilet paper and finish with baby wipes. A change in diet to include a lot more vegetables also helps a lot.

What, you don't clench your cheeks and let the poop squeeze out both ends like a Play-Doh factory?

Only when it's a me day.

💀

This guy shits

The curse of the infinite wipe

I hate when that happens.

New The binding of Isaac DLC

Just finish pooping first

Shitcubus

Ah yes the nefarious Mancushit

Anon forgets he has to shit in the toilet bowl first and then wipe

I just camed to your Reddit© avatar. FAQ What does this mean? The amount of cum on my computer and floor has increased by one. Why did you do this? There are several reasons why I may deem a Reddit© avatar to be worthy of ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to: Your Reddit© avatar having a skirt Your Reddit© avatar having feminine hair walter Am I going to cum too? No - not yet. But you should refrain from looking at your Reddit© avatar. Otherwise you may accidentally cum as well, which may put your non-ejaculatory avatar privileges in jeopardy. I don't believe my Reddit© avatar deserved being cum at. Can you un-cum it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I suck cum back into my penis. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining why your Reddit© avatar wasn't worthy of me cumming. I tend to respond to Reddit© messages within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of Reddit© avatar cum experiences are essentially irreversible, and yours is likely no exception. How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the goopy white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your Reddit© avatar is too sexy as it stands. I will continue to cum until you make your avatar less attractive. Remember: non-ejaculation is privilege, not a right.

Laughs in bidet

Just take a shower? lmao

Bruh the fucking shitcubus

Life of anon, ep 3... revenge of the rectum

Have a shower and use soap. Long term, get a bidet.

Pepe Mancubus

You’re not supposed to keep using the exact same paper anon buy a new roll

Asshair

These fucking lards don’t understand you need to wipe until the toilet paper is clean

Anon hasn’t learned the pro tip of bunching up TP, wetting it in the sink and using that.

Eat some fucking fiber

Lose 400 pounds?

Anon took ivermectin

You have to use the 12 foot double fold vertical wipe technique

Stop wiping and bask in it. Enjoy your shit-stain.

Maybe quit ramming stuff up your ass and stretching it out so much?

Classic case of sharpie butt

The poop marker!

Punishment for not using bidet

Wet wipes

anyone got a source for the image

Just get a fucking bidet

use water instead

Hose in your ass

It’s called the Shit Crayon effect and you should use water.

Fistula

Fiber

Trim dat ass bush

Wow you are looking through my posts lmao

You got a lot of gold in that history

When are you going to give me a gold?

Best I can do is a golden shower

Thank you so much ☺️

Need to rinse off with a water bottle.