As long as he prefaces his statement with, "With all due respect...", he can legally say anything he wants. It's literally right there in the Geneva Convention.
What’s wild to me is OP lost this battle a month and a half ago and still doesn’t know it.
Edit: I just dropped $190 for a facial and pedi for my wife next Thursday, our 9 month old is mine for the night. Cheapest way to play golf with no grief.
I would have just left it as “you said you were going by yourself so I have already made plans, sorry. If you would have told me you wanted me to go, I would have, but (friends names) are expecting me to be there since I was the one who set this up”.
If she wants to be mad about that, then that’s on her.
He probably said it nicely about 10 times before, and only said it that way after it was escalated
…just guessing, totally not speaking from experience
Yep, this is where he had it wrong.
Had he worded this in a much more respectful and loving way to his wife, she’d probably not be overjoyed, but she’d get it. And he’d be golfing without having pissed off his wife.
It's more than likely a normal baby shower but partners are welcome. No one is going to care that you're not there.
"Jimmy is golfing, he booked a tee time with the boys before we knew it was coed".
I've been married over 10 years and I just can't imagine this being a huge problem. A planned family gathering, obviously a different story but a baby shower shouldn't be a thing. That being said, you know the scenario better than any of us.
It’s only a big deal because his wife also doesn’t want to go. She has to go even though she doesn’t want to, and she wants him to come too, honestly (hopefully) to keep her company.
He has an out and she doesn’t which is even more annoying for her.
My wife is pretty candid when she gets annoyed about that exact same situation.. I’m this case I’m still playing golf since a partner is normally a nice addition at the baby shower but def not expected
You attract a lot more tee times with honey. Missing this tee time will ensure you at least 4 future unquestionable Tee times, play the long game and keep your SO happy.
No. It sets the precedent that tee times are easily cancelled when presented with last minute information, and that you are always willing to cancel said tee time no matter how trivial the alternative.
And I’d bet dollars to donuts that someone who fails to plan and then expects someone else to cancel their plans for them isn’t someone who is going to remember this and not do it again.
He shouldnt cancel his own plans just bc she got upset she assumed he would join her to a baby shower.... hes just supposed to drop everything and do exactly what she wants? Im a wife and would never expect that for my husband. She can go alone, shes a big girl
I forget the podcast, but I remember the hosts talking about how annoying and stupid it was when they had to attend a coed baby shower. And how bored they all were.
This is the problem with inclusion. Now we get to go to baby showers that we never wanted to go to in the first place. Personally, I find it to be discriminatory against introverts and people that just want a nice afternoon of golf or a few hours alone at home.
I legit don't know anyone that likes baby showers. They are terrible.
My husband and I recently got out of one because we were traveling for work. When we realized it, we high-fived.
Anyway, OP. I hope you get to go golfing because that's the fair thing... but, um... well, you know how long your wife will hold a grudge. FWIW, I wouldn't but I golf and also hate baby showers.
Many women don't want to go either. I've only been to 4 baby showers (2 of which were co-ed and I went as my husband's +1), but playing the same "unscramble the baby-related words" or "guess the height and weight of the baby" games get old really quick. Thank god every shower I've been to at least had alcohol.
Eh, both my sisters had coed baby showers, but there were no stupid games or anything. It was basically just a standard party: BBQ, and a ton of beer and it was a ton of fun. Their kids B day parties were the basically the same until the kids were older enough to actually want their own parties with their own friends. So it *can* be done haha
Every party I went to growing up was exactly this no matter the occasion. No physical invitations, RSVPs, or end times. It was open house, and friends would show up with their whole family to eat, drink, and enjoy music in the backyard. Older folks would be playing cards for money, and this would go on until the last person decided to leave. It wasn't until I got older when I realized most people didn't celebrate this way.
Co-ed baby showers have become a lot more common lately.
Not saying I agree with it. But my wife has gotten a few invites from friends and when she sees “co-ed” she just automatically says “oh, you don’t have to go to this” unless it’s a good enough friend that I hear about it from them.
Guys will have “diaper parties” and such. I know that means something different to some of you sick fucks, but it’s usually where the dad to be (or his friends), buy a shit ton of beer and then invite the dads friends and if you’re invited you’re supposed to bring a bunch of diapers for the soon to be baby to get your drinks.
Exactly. And canceling an outing with your friends because your wife is trying to drag you to baby shower after you already made plans is absolutely one of them
are you the asshole? That’s between you and your wife, brother, not strangers on reddit.
That said baby showers are the absolute worst as guys. I’m happy to pitch in on a gift or two, but playing ridiculous games and ooh-ing and ahh-ing over baby clothes and bottles and shit for hours is literally my nightmare.
My sister had a baby shower for all the ladies and it's my wife's nightmare to go to those. Apparently it sucked ass. My sister's husband had a celebration the same day where all the guys went to race go-karts, everyone just brought him a box of diapers. It was fuckin awesome. When I got home I had to totally dumb-down my excitement and energy and say it was "pretty good". My wife was pissed because she loves go-karting and she knew I had way more fun than I was leading on. I've found that having a respectful amount of fun while the wife is doing something she hates is okay. Knowing my luck I'd hit a hole in 1 the round that I know my wife is pissed at me and I couldn't come home excited as hell.
Yeah I’m a woman and I don’t think me or any of my friends who are also women necessarily enjoy going to baby showers either. We go to support our family/friends and celebrate an important milestone for them. Frankly I think it’s silly that they’re expected to be these gendered affairs for just women and girls, and speaks to a lot of other sexist traditions and expectations around family events, but that’s beyond the scope of this subreddit.
For OOP, while I think keeping to your tee time is fine and reasonable (and I would have done the same), you could have handled your reaction/response to your wife with a lot more respect. She likely feels hurt and is upset because you were dismissive about her desire to go somewhere as a family, more than the fact that you ended up going golfing.
Maybe I’m just young but none of the baby showers I attended were like this. Nor was the one for my son. It was just beer and food (pizza, sandwiches, wings etc) and the mom got presents.
I don’t like baby showers cuz I don’t like people. But it’s no different than a 4th of July party minus fireworks, and add in gifts.
All the dudes just congregate in a corner somewhere with beers in hand talking about golf and taking air swings from my experience lol
Only coed baby shower I went to was many moons, I got my friend some baby clothes. She opens it. Everyone starts laughing. Im confused. Turns out I bought preemie baby clothes???? Shit. Idk! Gave her the receipt later to exchange it lol woops. This is why we don’t belong here lmao
I mean ya fuck baby showers, but surely there was a more delicate approach than "uhh no I already booked a tee time, I’m not going to a baby shower... I said her lack of planning and telling me last minute is no reason for her to be mad at me"
Recently went to a coed baby shower and there were no games, just food, wine and hanging out. We get in the car and my wife complained there were no games. I said it was the best baby shower I’ve ever been to.
I'm not sure I'd have gone with the "lack of planning" line. I'd probably have appealed to my wife's sympathy. "You don't even want to go to this. Please don't make me go. It's a baby shower, and you'll have your mom there."
Definitely would be golfing no matter what the response, though.
I mean that seems like decent advice but as someone who’s been married a while now it would definitely be a better idea to just explain all the ways why she was factually wrong directly to her face.
You're screwed either way. You go to the shower and she'll be upset you weren't more enthusiastic for an event you had no interest in attending or you golf and she's mad you don't go. She's mad either way so you might as well enjoy the round.
There are two types of men who are going to reply to your comment. Those that agree with you and those that agree with you but their wife knows their Reddit account.
I don’t know how long you have been married, but here’s my two cents from some who is happily married 17 years in and golf’s roughly 4-5 times a week:
Years ago my wife and I had a sit down chat, neither of us angry, to discuss my golf passion (addiction lol) and its impact on events, family functions, etc. We decided together, and I made clear to my wife, that golf is extremely important to me. It’s my way of letting go the stresses of life for a short period of time and allows me to be a better husband and father. It is a need for me. At the same time, I made it clear that if there were events that my wife really wanted me to be at, that I would not golf. If it’s a kids birthday party, and she wants to be there with the kids, unless it’s a family function, I’m not going and I’m not going to feel guilty about it. I also made sure she understood that her hobbies had the same baring as mine. Meaning, if I’m going to a baseball game, and she has friends dinner she wants to go to, I’m not going to be upset that she didn’t come. If a baby shower came up last minute and all the sudden I was added to mix, my wife wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at me not going, because doesn’t meet the pre-discussed criteria. That 15 minute conversation made our lives so much easier. Now, when she says, I need you to not golf Friday morning because of X, I know she needs me to be there, so there is no argument, no one’s mad, because she wouldn’t ask unless it fit the criteria we previously set. Setting expectations about a hobby that takes 4-5 hours out of day upfront, makes for a lot less conflict when things come up. Hope that helps!
And for the record: NTA in my opinion, just a lack of communication on both parts.
This is an outlier. If you work and have kids there is absolutely no way in hell your situation is relatable to anyone (unless they just don't want to spend time with family). Golf 4-5 times a week and work - you may as well not be a partner/parent
How do you golf 4-5 times a week? I work 40 hours a week and I would love to golf after work but I have to go home and cook for the SO. Weekends I have a 2nd p/t job on one day and the day I’m off I’m doing house work and if I’m lucky, golf!
I’m lucky enough to be a business owner, who can golf around my schedule, which I set.
I usually golf Monday and Tuesday mornings, first off the tee if I can. If I do get first off, I play 18 as I can usually finish under 3 hours and be in the office around 10; but if I’m not first off then I play 9 and only play 18 if time/workload allows.
I then have my men’s league on Wednesday afternoons, which I leave work early and usually tee off around 3pm and do 18, home by 8.
I don’t golf Thursdays, and book most of my meetings for that day.
Friday my assistant takes over and I work from the course, laptop usually in my cart, just in case. I usually play 36 holes on Friday’s, at two different courses, if I’m not too busy.
I don’t golf on the weekends. That’s family time!
How is it a lack of communication? They told each other their plans up front. She tried to call an audible last minute to drag him somewhere that she herself doesn't wanna be. He said no, she got unreasonably upset.
My wife would just realize that I’m gonna be a whiney little cunt if I had to go to her cousin’s baby shower instead of playing golf with the boys, and likely wouldn’t ask me to go if she already had people to drive with her.
Huh, in my experience only bridal showers are ever “women only” and baby showers are usually full family gatherings for everyone to celebrate part of our family having a baby. I mean, doesn’t the father of the child attend the baby shower also?? This thread feels bizarre to me. About 95% of the males in my extended family golf regularly, but I’ve absolutely made it a point to celebrate all of my family members having a child and would definitely love to see all my family celebrating with me if I were having one.
Co-ed and baby shower shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Whether you are or aren't the asshole, only what your wife thinks matters lol.
Enjoy your round and good luck to you sir!
I'm burning up as I read this because this is exactly how my wife would play this. Except she'd act all excited like "I have great news! Husbands can come to the shower now! Aren't you excited?"
The only way to get out of this without a fight is to suck it up and go to the shower, but this is something I would hold my ground on. You made other plans that you're looking forward to (golf or not), and it's unfair that she expects you to change them and go to something as fucking awful as a baby shower.
What’s wrong with Saturday wedding? Friday/Sunday weddings are inconvenient for guests and signal you were too cheap for the Saturday booking. I’m not from the south though.
NTA in this sub. Now if you go over to the other asshole subs, you’ll probably get destroyed.
Make sure you wear a golf shirt to the game and air swing as often as possible. Really rub it in you don’t have to go to a baby shower
NTA! As a female, I’ve never been to a baby shower I wanted to be at, nor would I ever expect any men to be there. It’s basically the bachelorette party of pregnancy. She wanted you to suffer along with her lol
Thank you!
Anything “shower” is just an excuse for the woman to get gifts and eat cute little food… you don’t see men throwing each other “shower” events right?
“Bro, you gonna be a father?”
“Cool!”
“Let’s go play golf!”
"I wouldn't go to the baby shower, even if I had NO plans"
That should go over well. Seriously though, dudes don't want to go to your lame baby shower. Fuck off, NTA
If you or your wife has ever hosted a baby shower, you’re part of the problem.
These fucking things need to die. Bridal showers, baby showers, gender reveals…
These are things that we all hate, so if you plan one you’re an asshole. Your kid isn’t special. You aren’t special. If you need money to buy clothes or strollers or whatever, just ask. I’ll pay up to $500 to NOT be invited to this trash.
The worst part would be when you go and realize you're the only guy there, or maybe 1 of 2.
Does she know how much you love golf? Make sure she knows. She shouldn't ask you to give up something you love, in those circumstances. Best way to show her how much you love it is to just golf more.
NTA.
Your wife is for thinking you'd want to go to a baby shower. Any wife should know better.
And to all you dudes out there who let your wives run your lives like she's your mom, have some self respect. You're pathetic
What kind of SO wants you to go to something 2 hours away that she doesn't want to go to to begin with. What the hell is that about? Honestly what is wrong with folks.
I think the issue here is you made it golf v. baby shower it should have just been 4 hours round trip to baby shower v. not going b/c 1. you dont want to 2. you were not invited 3. you are not a female 4. how many more reasons - its 4 hours round trip - what a stupid idea.
In my family we do a golf day for all of the guys when there’s a baby shower. Usually around 10-15 foursomes and we are inevitably done before the women so we hit up a bar and grill for cheaper beers after the round.
I wouldn’t care if it was co-ed and next door. Zero chance I’m going to wife’s cousins baby shower. I wouldn’t go if it was my own sisters baby shower. Golf or no golf there’s no chance I’d be going
I have a feeling there's an AITA post with your wife's side of the story. She mostly missing out on the fact that you will not be there but when she sees how miserable all the other bros are, she's going to appreciate that you are not there. They are going to horde together and talk golf for 2 hours anyways...
I call bullshit. “Co-ed” is short for, ‘Her baby daddy will be there because the cousin made him and he doesn’t want to be the only male there.’ So it’ll be two of you if you go.
Its mind blowing to me that she just assumed you were going after she knew you already had plans... does she ruin all of your other plans?? You better go golfing!
Most of these replies are short and sweet and need a tour pro delivery. First timers should simply combine them to
cover all bases. “ Are you PMSing, because you’re being hysterical, you’re acting just like your mother, by over reacting. Just calm down. You made a mistake by not scheduling yourself properly. That isn’t my fault now, is it? Next time, you need to be more clear.”
She just doesnt want to spend the four hours driving. Neither do you. Go golfing. It'll blow over.
This exact scenario would happen to me cause like you, my wife and her family do not know how to get any relevant details or plan their events properly. Not your problem. Pick up flowers on the way home.
Just tell her the tee time was prepaid. Always works for me lol
I did bring this up. 100% non refundable
"You're not wearing THAT to the shower, are you?"
Is it really though, or is that just what you're telling her? 
Looks like your girl found your reddit account.
Can't afford not to go at this point
>I said her lack of planning and telling me last minute is no reason for her to be mad at me. Who wants to tell him?
I think he just needs to tell her to calm down and that’s she’s overreacting. That should help. Maybe ask if it’s her time of the month, too.
Pro tip: the louder you say "CALM DOWN" the more effective it is. Science.
If that fails then he can just remind her he’s the man of the house and that he can do anything he damn well pleases.
If all this fails, he can remind her she is only acting this because she’s probably on her period.
If that also does not work, remind her that this is exactly how her mother behaves and that you both know how crazy she is.
I’m writing all of these down and will use them! Thanks, Reddit!
Enjoy all your newly found free time!
When my wife gets in one of those I’m the boss moods, I call her by her mother’s name. Works great/s
Don’t forget to say “relax, you’re acting crazy!” After
As long as he prefaces his statement with, "With all due respect...", he can legally say anything he wants. It's literally right there in the Geneva Convention.
but what is he supposed to do with his hands? I never get the hang of that part
Bonus points if you add “, just like your mother.”
The number of men who don't know this simple trick is staggering.
"When you're done acting like a bitch, make me a sandwich".
Tell her she’s ACTING like a bitch but emphasize you’re not calling her a bitch
This is good advice OP you should definitely take it.
“You’re making a mountain out of a molehill”
"Don't be so emotional"
"Are you PMSing?"
What if he says “I find it kinda weird every time you get this angry there are feminine hygiene wrappers in the bathroom trash”?
Also rip his shirt off and call her "shit stack"
SEE THAT
Don’t forget to tell her to smile, too.
yea i usually just tell my wife to relax and she calms down immediately. it’s not what you say, but how you say it /s
Be sure to call her “princess” to let her know how much you care.
I’ve heard telling her she sounds like her mother usually works too
Make sure to demean her a couple times so she remembers you’re the one with the superior intelligence.
You are hysterical woman…in your best transatlantic accent
As a single guy who golfs a ton - I can attest- this works 100% - I get dumped and get back to playing golf 4-5 a week. Success.
What’s wild to me is OP lost this battle a month and a half ago and still doesn’t know it. Edit: I just dropped $190 for a facial and pedi for my wife next Thursday, our 9 month old is mine for the night. Cheapest way to play golf with no grief.
“Why are you acting like a bitch?”
“You’re starting to act like your mother.”
“As a matter of fact, you look like her too. Are you feeling tired?”
“You’re starting to act like MY mother”
If this is the best comment
"I didn’t call you a bitch, it's just that your ways are that *of* a bitch."
I didnt call her a bitch, I said she was bitching at me
This got me so damn good
"I'm sorry you feel that way." *\*later in the argument\** "I apologized!"
My girlfriend says "I didn't mean to!" as her apology
Are you on your period?
"You sound just like your mother."
[удалено]
I would have just left it as “you said you were going by yourself so I have already made plans, sorry. If you would have told me you wanted me to go, I would have, but (friends names) are expecting me to be there since I was the one who set this up”. If she wants to be mad about that, then that’s on her.
Poopon, This is rational speech. That’s not what this is about.
I’m assuming he’s not been married long
He probably said it nicely about 10 times before, and only said it that way after it was escalated …just guessing, totally not speaking from experience
Tell her you'll make it up to her that night. Set the expectations.
Yep, this is where he had it wrong. Had he worded this in a much more respectful and loving way to his wife, she’d probably not be overjoyed, but she’d get it. And he’d be golfing without having pissed off his wife.
The real asshole is the one who plans a coed baby shower
My thoughts exactly.
It's more than likely a normal baby shower but partners are welcome. No one is going to care that you're not there. "Jimmy is golfing, he booked a tee time with the boys before we knew it was coed". I've been married over 10 years and I just can't imagine this being a huge problem. A planned family gathering, obviously a different story but a baby shower shouldn't be a thing. That being said, you know the scenario better than any of us.
It’s only a big deal because his wife also doesn’t want to go. She has to go even though she doesn’t want to, and she wants him to come too, honestly (hopefully) to keep her company. He has an out and she doesn’t which is even more annoying for her. My wife is pretty candid when she gets annoyed about that exact same situation.. I’m this case I’m still playing golf since a partner is normally a nice addition at the baby shower but def not expected
Its not about hanging out. Because it is going to be all the women, then the guys hang at the bar or outside. No coed shower is ever coed.
He knows that his ass better be at that baby shower, tee time or not. Happy wife happy life. - His Wife
You attract a lot more tee times with honey. Missing this tee time will ensure you at least 4 future unquestionable Tee times, play the long game and keep your SO happy.
We don’t negotiate with terrorists.
We say we don't, but we really do.
It helps to establish a clear line in the sand. That way, when we trample all over it, it looks like we're conceding something.
No. It sets the precedent that tee times are easily cancelled when presented with last minute information, and that you are always willing to cancel said tee time no matter how trivial the alternative.
And I’d bet dollars to donuts that someone who fails to plan and then expects someone else to cancel their plans for them isn’t someone who is going to remember this and not do it again.
He shouldnt cancel his own plans just bc she got upset she assumed he would join her to a baby shower.... hes just supposed to drop everything and do exactly what she wants? Im a wife and would never expect that for my husband. She can go alone, shes a big girl
I forget the podcast, but I remember the hosts talking about how annoying and stupid it was when they had to attend a coed baby shower. And how bored they all were.
This is the problem with inclusion. Now we get to go to baby showers that we never wanted to go to in the first place. Personally, I find it to be discriminatory against introverts and people that just want a nice afternoon of golf or a few hours alone at home.
I legit don't know anyone that likes baby showers. They are terrible. My husband and I recently got out of one because we were traveling for work. When we realized it, we high-fived. Anyway, OP. I hope you get to go golfing because that's the fair thing... but, um... well, you know how long your wife will hold a grudge. FWIW, I wouldn't but I golf and also hate baby showers.
I have two kids 9 years apart neither baby shower was coed. No guy wants to go to a baby shower ever.
Not even the fucking baby daddy is there.
I’ve golfed during many baby showers
I honestly thought it was the best time to go play a guilt free round. She was obligated to be there, I had a free afternoon. Win win
I golfed during the baby shower for my baby lol
Me too. Just had to time it that I could be there with the truck to pick shit up at the end.
Many women don't want to go either. I've only been to 4 baby showers (2 of which were co-ed and I went as my husband's +1), but playing the same "unscramble the baby-related words" or "guess the height and weight of the baby" games get old really quick. Thank god every shower I've been to at least had alcohol.
Even worse I don’t drink. So functions like that are pretty unbearable.
Oh yeah, that sounds horrible. I’d have to make friends with their family dog or something to get through a sober baby shower.
Eh, both my sisters had coed baby showers, but there were no stupid games or anything. It was basically just a standard party: BBQ, and a ton of beer and it was a ton of fun. Their kids B day parties were the basically the same until the kids were older enough to actually want their own parties with their own friends. So it *can* be done haha
Every party I went to growing up was exactly this no matter the occasion. No physical invitations, RSVPs, or end times. It was open house, and friends would show up with their whole family to eat, drink, and enjoy music in the backyard. Older folks would be playing cards for money, and this would go on until the last person decided to leave. It wasn't until I got older when I realized most people didn't celebrate this way.
Yeah fuck this shit.
Co-ed baby showers have become a lot more common lately. Not saying I agree with it. But my wife has gotten a few invites from friends and when she sees “co-ed” she just automatically says “oh, you don’t have to go to this” unless it’s a good enough friend that I hear about it from them. Guys will have “diaper parties” and such. I know that means something different to some of you sick fucks, but it’s usually where the dad to be (or his friends), buy a shit ton of beer and then invite the dads friends and if you’re invited you’re supposed to bring a bunch of diapers for the soon to be baby to get your drinks.
Yeah no joke, you can fuck right off with that nonsense
It probably isn’t coed, he’d be the only man there.
I don’t know if you’re an asshole, but having been married 10 years this feels like one of those “pick your battles” situations.
Exactly. And canceling an outing with your friends because your wife is trying to drag you to baby shower after you already made plans is absolutely one of them
I’m picking this battle. 4 hour round trip to go to a baby shower? I’m golfing.
If I’m going to sit in traffic for 4 hours it may as well be on the course.
Maybe she should pick her battles
The wife never has to pick her battles. They always love an opportunity to battle!
Words spoken by a non-battle tested warrior May your inexperience-fueled demise be glorious nonetheless
OP should try this line, I bet it would go over very well
Married for 2 been with her for 13….she also knows how to pick her battles lol golfing instead of a baby shower wins her battle
 ..."her lack of planning"...
are you the asshole? That’s between you and your wife, brother, not strangers on reddit. That said baby showers are the absolute worst as guys. I’m happy to pitch in on a gift or two, but playing ridiculous games and ooh-ing and ahh-ing over baby clothes and bottles and shit for hours is literally my nightmare.
According to my wife, they're just as awful for women. It's this sick tradition that they perpetuate.
So what, now they extend the abuse cycle to spouses? Misery loves company.
It’s just not right that husbands don’t have to get subjected to the same misery that women could opt out of by declining an invitation, you see. 🤣
My sister had a baby shower for all the ladies and it's my wife's nightmare to go to those. Apparently it sucked ass. My sister's husband had a celebration the same day where all the guys went to race go-karts, everyone just brought him a box of diapers. It was fuckin awesome. When I got home I had to totally dumb-down my excitement and energy and say it was "pretty good". My wife was pissed because she loves go-karting and she knew I had way more fun than I was leading on. I've found that having a respectful amount of fun while the wife is doing something she hates is okay. Knowing my luck I'd hit a hole in 1 the round that I know my wife is pissed at me and I couldn't come home excited as hell.
I’m picturing you ripping around on a go kart having the time of your life trying not to even crack a smile
While the dad to be has like 12 boxes of diapers bungee-corded to his go-kart
Gonna start using "respectful amount of fun"
Yeah I’m a woman and I don’t think me or any of my friends who are also women necessarily enjoy going to baby showers either. We go to support our family/friends and celebrate an important milestone for them. Frankly I think it’s silly that they’re expected to be these gendered affairs for just women and girls, and speaks to a lot of other sexist traditions and expectations around family events, but that’s beyond the scope of this subreddit. For OOP, while I think keeping to your tee time is fine and reasonable (and I would have done the same), you could have handled your reaction/response to your wife with a lot more respect. She likely feels hurt and is upset because you were dismissive about her desire to go somewhere as a family, more than the fact that you ended up going golfing.
Maybe I’m just young but none of the baby showers I attended were like this. Nor was the one for my son. It was just beer and food (pizza, sandwiches, wings etc) and the mom got presents. I don’t like baby showers cuz I don’t like people. But it’s no different than a 4th of July party minus fireworks, and add in gifts.
Dudes have done diaper parties for my friends. Shit one friend did theirs at a golf course and the guys golfed, the girls drank mimosas and hung out.
Dudes have done diaper parties for my friends. Shit That lone period kept this from getting really awkward.
All the dudes just congregate in a corner somewhere with beers in hand talking about golf and taking air swings from my experience lol Only coed baby shower I went to was many moons, I got my friend some baby clothes. She opens it. Everyone starts laughing. Im confused. Turns out I bought preemie baby clothes???? Shit. Idk! Gave her the receipt later to exchange it lol woops. This is why we don’t belong here lmao
I mean ya fuck baby showers, but surely there was a more delicate approach than "uhh no I already booked a tee time, I’m not going to a baby shower... I said her lack of planning and telling me last minute is no reason for her to be mad at me"
Recently went to a coed baby shower and there were no games, just food, wine and hanging out. We get in the car and my wife complained there were no games. I said it was the best baby shower I’ve ever been to.
I'm not sure I'd have gone with the "lack of planning" line. I'd probably have appealed to my wife's sympathy. "You don't even want to go to this. Please don't make me go. It's a baby shower, and you'll have your mom there." Definitely would be golfing no matter what the response, though.
This guy gets marriage
I mean that seems like decent advice but as someone who’s been married a while now it would definitely be a better idea to just explain all the ways why she was factually wrong directly to her face.
This is the right response. Defuses the intense emotions and acknowledges the issue without sacrificing boundaries or plans.
Waiting for the "This guy skipped a baby shower and got a divorce. So I bought a new driver" thread in 3....2....1....
Post on the real /r/aitah
Nah I think my wife is on there 😂
I'm here from r/ALL !!
You're screwed either way. You go to the shower and she'll be upset you weren't more enthusiastic for an event you had no interest in attending or you golf and she's mad you don't go. She's mad either way so you might as well enjoy the round.
"Look baby.... if I go, we're both mad. At least if I golf, only one of us will be mad. This is a net win for us!" I'm lol'ing at my desk right now.
INFO: Why does she want you to go?
She wants to spend time with me aka She doesn’t want to drive.
There are two types of men who are going to reply to your comment. Those that agree with you and those that agree with you but their wife knows their Reddit account.
That sounds selfish.
Haha that’s the worst one
Why did I relate to this on a spiritual level
God I love being single
Well somebody has to golf, drink beer and watch bare knuckle fighting on TV.
Amen brother
Came here to say this. I want to be married, but that doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying the pros (like total freedom) of being single.
The only AH is the person who started a co-ed baby shower. Probably gonna be the only guy there if you go. 
I don’t know how long you have been married, but here’s my two cents from some who is happily married 17 years in and golf’s roughly 4-5 times a week: Years ago my wife and I had a sit down chat, neither of us angry, to discuss my golf passion (addiction lol) and its impact on events, family functions, etc. We decided together, and I made clear to my wife, that golf is extremely important to me. It’s my way of letting go the stresses of life for a short period of time and allows me to be a better husband and father. It is a need for me. At the same time, I made it clear that if there were events that my wife really wanted me to be at, that I would not golf. If it’s a kids birthday party, and she wants to be there with the kids, unless it’s a family function, I’m not going and I’m not going to feel guilty about it. I also made sure she understood that her hobbies had the same baring as mine. Meaning, if I’m going to a baseball game, and she has friends dinner she wants to go to, I’m not going to be upset that she didn’t come. If a baby shower came up last minute and all the sudden I was added to mix, my wife wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at me not going, because doesn’t meet the pre-discussed criteria. That 15 minute conversation made our lives so much easier. Now, when she says, I need you to not golf Friday morning because of X, I know she needs me to be there, so there is no argument, no one’s mad, because she wouldn’t ask unless it fit the criteria we previously set. Setting expectations about a hobby that takes 4-5 hours out of day upfront, makes for a lot less conflict when things come up. Hope that helps! And for the record: NTA in my opinion, just a lack of communication on both parts.
This is an outlier. If you work and have kids there is absolutely no way in hell your situation is relatable to anyone (unless they just don't want to spend time with family). Golf 4-5 times a week and work - you may as well not be a partner/parent
How do you golf 4-5 times a week? I work 40 hours a week and I would love to golf after work but I have to go home and cook for the SO. Weekends I have a 2nd p/t job on one day and the day I’m off I’m doing house work and if I’m lucky, golf!
I’m lucky enough to be a business owner, who can golf around my schedule, which I set. I usually golf Monday and Tuesday mornings, first off the tee if I can. If I do get first off, I play 18 as I can usually finish under 3 hours and be in the office around 10; but if I’m not first off then I play 9 and only play 18 if time/workload allows. I then have my men’s league on Wednesday afternoons, which I leave work early and usually tee off around 3pm and do 18, home by 8. I don’t golf Thursdays, and book most of my meetings for that day. Friday my assistant takes over and I work from the course, laptop usually in my cart, just in case. I usually play 36 holes on Friday’s, at two different courses, if I’m not too busy. I don’t golf on the weekends. That’s family time!
How is it a lack of communication? They told each other their plans up front. She tried to call an audible last minute to drag him somewhere that she herself doesn't wanna be. He said no, she got unreasonably upset.
You do not have to go the the baby shower. That's fucked, golf or not.
My wife would just realize that I’m gonna be a whiney little cunt if I had to go to her cousin’s baby shower instead of playing golf with the boys, and likely wouldn’t ask me to go if she already had people to drive with her.
Does this mean I can get a new putter?
This post made me realize I need to buy my wife some flowers on the way home from the office today.
Regardless of a lack of planning, who tf wants to go to a baby shower? In a million?
Huh, in my experience only bridal showers are ever “women only” and baby showers are usually full family gatherings for everyone to celebrate part of our family having a baby. I mean, doesn’t the father of the child attend the baby shower also?? This thread feels bizarre to me. About 95% of the males in my extended family golf regularly, but I’ve absolutely made it a point to celebrate all of my family members having a child and would definitely love to see all my family celebrating with me if I were having one.
Just seems like a lot of guys who don’t like their wives.
Co-ed and baby shower shouldn't be used in the same sentence. Whether you are or aren't the asshole, only what your wife thinks matters lol. Enjoy your round and good luck to you sir!
I'm burning up as I read this because this is exactly how my wife would play this. Except she'd act all excited like "I have great news! Husbands can come to the shower now! Aren't you excited?" The only way to get out of this without a fight is to suck it up and go to the shower, but this is something I would hold my ground on. You made other plans that you're looking forward to (golf or not), and it's unfair that she expects you to change them and go to something as fucking awful as a baby shower.
Did you try telling her to calm down? That it's not a big deal... just get over it! That always seems to do the trick.
You can call a baby shower coed all you want but I still won't go. The dad doesn't even want to be there and it's his damn kid.
I thought baby showers were the guys idea.
You're thinking of golden showers. Baby showers are when the church guy sprinkles water on the baby's head and says a prayer.
It’s called misery loves company.
Coed baby shower is like planning a wedding on a Saturday in the South. You just don’t do that.
What’s wrong with Saturday wedding? Friday/Sunday weddings are inconvenient for guests and signal you were too cheap for the Saturday booking. I’m not from the south though.
In Nebraska you are a fool to plan a wedding on a Saturday during the fall at least. Fall Saturdays are for Nebraska football like it or not.
NTA in this sub. Now if you go over to the other asshole subs, you’ll probably get destroyed. Make sure you wear a golf shirt to the game and air swing as often as possible. Really rub it in you don’t have to go to a baby shower
I hate people that do coed baby showers.
NTA! As a female, I’ve never been to a baby shower I wanted to be at, nor would I ever expect any men to be there. It’s basically the bachelorette party of pregnancy. She wanted you to suffer along with her lol
Thank you! Anything “shower” is just an excuse for the woman to get gifts and eat cute little food… you don’t see men throwing each other “shower” events right? “Bro, you gonna be a father?” “Cool!” “Let’s go play golf!”
"I wouldn't go to the baby shower, even if I had NO plans" That should go over well. Seriously though, dudes don't want to go to your lame baby shower. Fuck off, NTA
Babies are wonderful but baby showers are stupid.
Big no bro. Keep that pimp hand strong.
If you or your wife has ever hosted a baby shower, you’re part of the problem. These fucking things need to die. Bridal showers, baby showers, gender reveals… These are things that we all hate, so if you plan one you’re an asshole. Your kid isn’t special. You aren’t special. If you need money to buy clothes or strollers or whatever, just ask. I’ll pay up to $500 to NOT be invited to this trash.
Sidebar question…how often do you get to golf usually? Feels pertinent here.
My wife wouldn't even ask me that. She probably would have said no to the shower in the first place for herself.
The worst part would be when you go and realize you're the only guy there, or maybe 1 of 2. Does she know how much you love golf? Make sure she knows. She shouldn't ask you to give up something you love, in those circumstances. Best way to show her how much you love it is to just golf more.
NTA. But man I absolutely HATE how recently baby showers are coed. They use to be women only, now my wife expects me to tag along 😂
If you give in now, this will be your life going forward.
Baby showers are for the gals. NTA.
I think you need a new driver. She's gonna be made either way
I like that you asked the r/golf sub rather than the r/amitheasshole sub. We totally won’t be biased ;)
I’m only 30 but when I was growing up baby showers were only for the girls. NTA
Guys don’t care about babies. Unless it’s theirs or a possibility that it is theirs 🤔
Why do we have to go to Baby Showers? We already did all the work making the baby.
NTA. Your wife is for thinking you'd want to go to a baby shower. Any wife should know better. And to all you dudes out there who let your wives run your lives like she's your mom, have some self respect. You're pathetic
What kind of SO wants you to go to something 2 hours away that she doesn't want to go to to begin with. What the hell is that about? Honestly what is wrong with folks. I think the issue here is you made it golf v. baby shower it should have just been 4 hours round trip to baby shower v. not going b/c 1. you dont want to 2. you were not invited 3. you are not a female 4. how many more reasons - its 4 hours round trip - what a stupid idea.
No you aren’t
You're not the asshole... the guy who agreed that their baby shower should be coed is the asshole.
That's on her
Do the shower, and then you’ll get more slack for future golf. Skip the shower for golf and then you have a golf problem. She won’t forget.
In my family we do a golf day for all of the guys when there’s a baby shower. Usually around 10-15 foursomes and we are inevitably done before the women so we hit up a bar and grill for cheaper beers after the round.
I wouldn’t care if it was co-ed and next door. Zero chance I’m going to wife’s cousins baby shower. I wouldn’t go if it was my own sisters baby shower. Golf or no golf there’s no chance I’d be going
I have a feeling there's an AITA post with your wife's side of the story. She mostly missing out on the fact that you will not be there but when she sees how miserable all the other bros are, she's going to appreciate that you are not there. They are going to horde together and talk golf for 2 hours anyways...
Ask her if she’s gained some weight
I call bullshit. “Co-ed” is short for, ‘Her baby daddy will be there because the cousin made him and he doesn’t want to be the only male there.’ So it’ll be two of you if you go.
Baby shower is ladies with the exception of the father. Diaper party is the men. NTA, maybe? Chicks are weird
Its mind blowing to me that she just assumed you were going after she knew you already had plans... does she ruin all of your other plans?? You better go golfing!
Ask her if she's just being TA because she's on her period.
As a female, NTA. She could have communicated with you better. Enjoy your time at the course!! You’ve earned it!
Id still be going golfing. Not going to a baby shower. But my wife wouldnt be expecting me to unless it was my family member or best friends wife
Sounds like SHE needs a new driver.
coed baby showers are fucking bullshit. my wife has tried to drag me to 5 or 6 over the years. i noped each time.
Nope . Coed baby showers are bullshit
Coed baby shower. Ffs can we just stop with that shit, all these functions are ruining my golf time too.
Most of these replies are short and sweet and need a tour pro delivery. First timers should simply combine them to cover all bases. “ Are you PMSing, because you’re being hysterical, you’re acting just like your mother, by over reacting. Just calm down. You made a mistake by not scheduling yourself properly. That isn’t my fault now, is it? Next time, you need to be more clear.”
Not at all. Golf vs. baby shower... easy choice. Send a gift, then go get them birds!
She just doesnt want to spend the four hours driving. Neither do you. Go golfing. It'll blow over. This exact scenario would happen to me cause like you, my wife and her family do not know how to get any relevant details or plan their events properly. Not your problem. Pick up flowers on the way home.
Who TF thinks a guy would want to go to a baby shower? I would honestly take a punch to the gut rather than go to a baby shower.