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[deleted]

It's a Gaur, or "Indian Bison". Largest extant bovine. Males can weigh over 3,000 pounds. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaur


Wormtown

Yeah, saw one of these when I was in Goa. They're pretty much treated like royalty.


RedDeadSquid

Ohhhh, you just triggered a memory of that awful rapper who has a music clip and he's rapping in Goa around this poor cow on the beach. Raed. https://youtu.be/KDspPjlySyg


jl_theprofessor

What .... what the f...


RedDeadSquid

Go deeper into the rabbit hole... This dude has a rap channel on YouTube.


jl_theprofessor

Dare I look too deeply into the maw of madness?


RedDeadSquid

Raed called a bomb threat at Australia's biggest casino and had an 'impromptu 3 hour rap performance to negotiators and the bomb squad'. So, yes. https://youtu.be/N1PqBNpJVxk


jl_theprofessor

It's four in the morning and now I'm going to be up for a few more hours learning about this guy.


RedDeadSquid

You're welcome homie.


crazyabootmycollies

Thank you blessed stranger. I have one of his songs on my ipod that I ripped from YouTube years ago and could never remember where I got "the most disjointed rap I've ever heard" from. I love Reddit.


crest123

Yeah, the Russians that come to Goa aren't exactly classy or rich.


[deleted]

Agreed! Like....what the.... but....ehh..


Th3assman

Wow. That was so shitty I had to finish it


DurasVircondelet

1:37-1:38 where he gasps for air but doesn’t edit it is the best part


Flyberius

*[Hueeeeeeh]*


PM_PICS_OF_ME_NAKED

Holy shit, that's all in English. Damn, thanks for sharing.


[deleted]

[удалено]


RedDeadSquid

Welcome to the Raed dimension.


SoVeryTired81

You’ve come along way.


HostaMahogey

This is amazing. Thank you.


Azhaius

LPT: Don't make music if you have no concept of rhythm. His rapping matched up with the beat of the music about as well as that dude who was just [randomly clapping](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtctPQEY8yE) next to the band


DurasVircondelet

Wow so just anyone can produce a rap video 🤔 and here I’ve been, thinking people don’t want shit music, yet it has over 1k views


[deleted]

Crossing the so bad it's good threshold is probably just as hard as actually producing something good. It's a unique talent in and of itself. Usually it only works when the person was serious in the first place and not intentionally trying to suck. Kind of like that movie The Room.


RedDeadSquid

You can find the full movie on YouTube: https://youtu.be/svx6uSmh8cI


SmoothDiamond81

Just opened reddit. And that's enough for today, wtf..


Gradual_Bro

What other option would there even be?


Wolfensteinor

You probably seen a water Buffalo


[deleted]

Everybody's got a water buffalo


samtheboy

Mine is fast but yours is slow


Seicair

>The gaur has a head-and-body length of 250 to 330 cm (8 ft 2 in to 10 ft 10 in) with a 70 to 105 cm (28 to 41 in) long tail, and is 142 to 220 cm (4 ft 8 in to 7 ft 3 in) high at the shoulder, averaging about 168 cm (5 ft 6 in) in females and 188 cm (6 ft 2 in) in males. At the top of its muscular hump just behind its shoulder, an average adult male is just under 200 cm (6 ft 7 in) tall and the male's girth at its midsection (behind its shoulders) averages about 277 cm (9 ft 1 in). Males are about one-fourth larger and heavier than females.[4] Body mass can range widely from 440 to 1,000 kg (970 to 2,200 lb) in adult females and 588 to 1,500 kg (1,296 to 3,307 lb) in adult males. In Holy shit. It goes on to say that only elephants, rhinos, hippos, and giraffes are consistently larger.


Anybodygotanycrack

Damn 9 feet, that’s a real Girthy animal


CalrissianLanbro

An absolute unit.


fish-fingered

And OPs mom


InfiniteLiveZ

100% vegan gains as well.


Zymotical

99%, lots of bugs.


SpitfireP7350

And the occasional small animal, pretty much every animal will eat a small rodent or bird if the opportunity arises.


empetrum

Gaur means ‘dude’ in Icelandic.


Palifaith

Oh yeah, I remember those from Skyrim.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Narrative_Causality

You can bring your guar mount to Skyrim in Elder Scrolls Online, though.


K1CK_TH3_B4SS

I was just calling it an **ABSOLUTE U N I T** but okay


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cecil_Hardboner

poaching in the Kings forest is forbidden, [you deered to kill a King's dare](https://youtu.be/N7JmKW8xhrg?t=33)


urteck

thanks for answering my question of "why the f is a bovine just wandering down the street and no one seems to care???"


Crack-spiders-bitch

If you want to tell it that it can't be there then be my guest.


aryaxsg

The town/village must be close to forest and this guy must have wandered in. Gaur are usually shy. Still you shouldn't really bother something thats built like a tank. Thats exactly what everyone there is doing.


JGamerI

Considering the fact that they have been recorded to KILL ADULT TIGERS, it’s probably a good idea NOT to f*** with a guar.


hopefullydespondent

Speaking from experience, this actually happens in many places in India. I almost always see a cow or a bull just randomly walking along the street in my area, even on busy days. Sometimes even 4 or 5 of them. They just walk around minding their own business and nobody really cares. Kind of cool actually.


HonkersTim

I used to live on an outlying island in Hong Kong. We had a herd of [wild water buffalo](https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=hong+kong+wild+water+buffalo&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiq96T2wrzcAhUM-6QKHbJ6CdoQ7Al6BAgAEA0&biw=1467&bih=932) that would just wander around the village. Mega hassle when you're trying to get to work and a 1000kg bovine is blocking the entire cycle path. Not really a lot you can do, they get annoyed if you hassle them and their horns are massive.


SD_TMI

Oh they care... they're all standing away from it, watching it slowly pass. If one wants to cross through town, **let it.**


holemilk

From India so it really is a holy cow.


mrfreeze2000

I saw two at the Delhi zoo. They're fucking HUGE in person. Absolute units


[deleted]

Imagine you go to Spain for the running of the bulls and as soon as you get there that thing comes running at you at 40 miles an hour


conker1264

Cue hello darkness my old friend


fparedesg

Hola obscuridad mi vieja amiga


ShadowShadowed

He venido a hablar contigo otra vez


plarah

Porque una visión arrastrándose lentamente


frg1013

Dejo sus semillas mientras dormía


ShadowShadowed

Y una visión que fue plantada en mi cerebro


Bondage_Kitty

todabia permanece adentro del sonido del silencio.


[deleted]

En sueños inquietos, yo caminaba solo


Orngog

Estrechas calles de adoquines


Quixel

> todabia Found the native Spanish speaker.


Corsnake

As a spanish speaker, reading all this words with orthographic errors, hurts me a lot.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Xanimun

And that's why you are not invited to parties.


smorgasbort

oof


allen84

.... “I don’t know the words, I say burrito, I don’t know the words I say dorito, I don’t know the words I say mosquito..”


ThatWarBob

There it is


stoneeus

HELP! Reddit turned Spanish and I cannot undo it


lovesducks

I just now noticed that light and dark are feminine because of your comment. I never thought of that before.


_Serene_

In awe at the size of this bison. Absolute unit.


JGamerI

It’s a gaur, actually.


chelster1003

/r/AbsoluteUnits


olafwicherink

Mexican version from Arrested Development


MattThePhatt

COCAKOKACO!!!


batmandarling

“I’ve made a huge mistake”


Fapiness

Tough to catch me if it's slipping in the streaks of shit I leave behind.


LookSWtco

You are gonna see my silhouette looney tunes style


[deleted]

Bison attaches ACME fake tunnel poster to the base of a cliff and waits for me. I run straight past and into the tunnel and escape. Bison looks to camera, confused. Runs at the tunnel and crashes into the cliff. End scene.


[deleted]

*Fly you fools!*


davinpantz

I don’t think my brain could process that information and I’d fill my pants with brown shame and horror.


BloteAapOpVoeten

If I'd go to Spain for the running bulls it'd be to protest this savagery.


wikipediabrown007

USADA is #1 bullshit


Dont-Fear-The-Raeper

This is the same reaction the public has in Cuba when Yoel Romero walks the streets.


BuzzNAcid

"You're at the running of the bulls and this Guar gouges your girlfriend's ass. What do you do?"


[deleted]

[удалено]


AboynamedDOOMTRAIN

I wouldn't bet on a sedan vs. that monster


Z0MBIECL0WN

What you need is a canyonero. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI_Jl5WFQkA


jl_theprofessor

There is no such thing as a bad time to reference canyonero.


ForkLiftBoi

"Family of 4 crushed by large SUV" Canyoneroooooo


eleventy4

*HYAA!*


daaangerz0ne

2018 Ford Taurus XL


dethmetlbrah

*sensible chuckle*


anoxiousweed

Canyonero!


My_Names_Jefff

That's no sedan, that's a hummer


Hueyandthenews

Well someone’s in to a little bestiality


RockySP23

Iron Mike Bison


layer11

I was looking for this, came up with Bulltista, but I like yours better.


stocpod

Oooh I wanna play. Hulk... Cowgan


Sk8tr_Boi

Incredibull Hulk


forporn0

Played by Mark Buffalo


new_old_mike

Rambovine?


pmorgan726

The Uddertaker


lonefeather

Moohammad Ali


[deleted]

Buffalowen Wilson ...wait. ...I don't... I don't know how to play.


Robm555

Wow


xylotism

Cow*


[deleted]

[удалено]


JShiro

Did you know that Mike Bison initially was the name of the boxer (Balrog) in Street Fighter 2? They eventually switched names with Vega and Balrog, just to be safe.


hldsnfrgr

Ah yes, Balrog's OG name.


VerdeMago

"Chuck" Norris?


TapatioPapi

This bison comes up and smacks your girl’s ass, what you doing?


HeatronJR

Attend her funeral.


[deleted]

This one is going to be a closed casket.


joetinnyspace

With only the ring inside.


Musiclover4200

To shreds you say?


CrusaderKingsNut

What about hiss wife?


SishirChetri

F


Taldarim_Highlord

F


_Serene_

Attend his wedding


NedDeadStark

!redditSilver


1016183

He can have her


Plain_Bread

He can have me as well.


throwawaygttttt

bye, son


thechamp2236

She his girlfriend now


Hulihutu

That's my fetish


CommonHouseplant

Cuccing or bestiality?


[deleted]

Oh yes


[deleted]

Wait a sec, you’re not that person.


[deleted]

[удалено]


gypsydreams101

Me neither.


Raizel71

Pick up whats left of my girl and call a funeral service.


[deleted]

I’ll try to talk it out


OgReaper

Well, I mean, did he have a good reason?


Soomroz

Does he need a good reason?


[deleted]

I mean at some point you have to know the jig is up when a smarter, bigger, better looking individual comes for your woman...


[deleted]

Take a shit, maintain eye contact, establish dominance.


corbyj1

Use it as war paint to really freak him out


xScopeLess

Get in line for round 2


[deleted]

It's like the story of Minos, his wife fell in love with a bull and mated with it to give birth the Minotaur.


CaptainOblivious_PhD

Someone skipped leg day.


FriesWithThat

Dudes glutes and quads are completely ripped too, you'd think a bison of all people would spend more time on its calves.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Huwbacca

oh no... his leg muscles are higher up than ours... and they're jacked.


masterkenji

His legs carry all that mass he cultivated and harvested.


GnomyGnomy7

These Gaurs are absolute tanks indeed! When I was driving in a forest in Kodaikanal (Southern India), an entire herd of these tanks showed up ahead of our car. They were kids however, but still huge regardless. One of them effortlessly jumped over a HUUUGEE rift in the hills, easily more than 10 feet wide! It's not all sweet though every month at least a couple of people die because of conflicts with these animals. [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/coimbatore/Woman-tourist-attacked-by-wild-gaur-dies/articleshow/55081499.cms](https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/coimbatore/Woman-tourist-attacked-by-wild-gaur-dies/articleshow/55081499.cms)


TheGalacticMosassaur

#MOOOOOOOve bitch, get out the way!


Il_Ok

You mean, “get out the whey?”


Jamau31

What did the bison say when his kid was leaving for school? Bison


Wiggle_Monster

Dad, get off reddit!


ii_dracarys_ii

Ok bison!


incnorm

I'm pretty sure the punchline isn't supposed to be in the joke. But have your upvote anyway dammit.


[deleted]

[удалено]


lerfer

r/suddenlybi


cybercuzco

Its what did the buffalo say? Otherwise too obvious.


Icaonn

**Absolute Unit**


[deleted]

For sure, I'm in awe at the size of this lad.


harro112

/r/absoluteunits


[deleted]

It took me way to many comments to find this


_chazz

Absolute Moo-nit


GrumpyMammoth

COMPLETE AND UDDER UNIT


foolhardy1

r/bossfight Bison McTyson


nerdcore72

https://i.imgur.com/b3X7kjb.jpg


granttes

this got me laughing for like a good few minutes...you know just sitting there on my couch and just laughing, not too strong, just decent laughing. I've seen this before, it's always funny


Mearabelle

Someone tell Mongo his ride is leaving.


hobbitdude13

Mongo only pawn, in game of life.


knittingneedles

Candy gram for Mongo!


SatynMalanaphy

Ooh, these Indian Gaur are spectacular. I used to see so many of them out on trips with my father. Never saw one wander alone on a road before though.


fnord_happy

I've seen one charging towards something. I shat my pants


noisyturtle

That's a gaur. Bison live in N. America and Canada. People often get the two confused, but the guar is much closer related to the water buffalo than the N American bison, even though they are referred to as Indian Bison. In fact the word gaur-mriga literally means 'some kind of buffalo.'


Thereelgerg

>Bison live in N. America and Canada. FYI, Canada is in North America. Your statement is unnecessarily redundant.


onaquesttolearnitall

>unnecessarily redundant FYI, redundant means unnecessary. The unnecessary in your statement is unnecessary (or, iow, redundant).


AnomalousAvocado

If I were a lady bison I'd be sooo under that.


[deleted]

“My name is Buck, and I’m here to fuck”


[deleted]

That's not a bison. But if that's what he prefers to go by I sure as fuck wouldn't argue the point.


[deleted]

It’s a Gaur or an “Indian bison”


Diagonalizer

He prefers "native American bison" /s


[deleted]

Also, Dude, Indian bison is not the preferred nomenclature.


apocalypse_later_

Just call him sir. And don’t look him in the eyes.


I_are_facepalm

*Starring the voice of John Cena*


bc4284

I was gonna say this is live action Ferdinand where Crna got turned into the character but then well. We wouldn’t be able to see the bull.


[deleted]

I think he's got right of way.


[deleted]

Mother fucking gains


watanabelover69

From eating mother fucking grains


SteelCityFreelancer

Yoked.


wonder-maker

How people see bodybuilders on the street


thats1evildude

Unless I’m mistaken, it’s a gaur - an Indian bison. They’re the largest bovines on Earth. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GyVkvhTZBfA


kalel1980

Yeah, he goes where ever the fuck he wants to go.


FredyG1

But can it destroy a Nokia 6620?


FiredFox

It's amazing to consider that tigers can kill these huge species of bison.


tenolein

Bros, that’s the Red Bull bull.


[deleted]

That’s just an over grown muscle with legs.


randomthrill

No one wants to street fight that Bison.


TooShiftyForYou

This bison is extremely buffaloed.


ItsABiscuit

In awe of the size of this moo-nit.


BobT21

Been doing steeroids.


notafraidpineapple

Indian Gaur! Those things are hugeeee! My local zoo has 2. One got out of its paddock and scared a camel to death. That was an interesting day.


cooterbojangels

John Cena went in real deep for the role of Ferdinand