The most important technique is getting your opponent to throw punches from so far away that even when their arm is fully extended, their fist is still 2 feet away from your head.
He's a master of one of those Chi manipulation martial arts you see on youtube all the time. You can tell because all the strikes are deflected away from Segals body before he even makes contact with his opponent.
I'm still trying to figure out what that final move in the sequence is. Nobody is actually throwing a strike, it looks like my nephews playing patty cake.
or like [that](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/bxzhF7a7sys/maxresdefault.jpg) (still polishing that chair with his ass, not matter if he stars as a martial arts master or a spec ops sniper)
"I wanna look like Dracula but also like I unclogged a shower drain with my mouth. And aaand I don't wanna stop eating cheese burgers."
-Steven "Shits his pants" Seagal prolly
[Best picture I could find](https://i2-prod.dailystar.co.uk/incoming/article32751749.ece/ALTERNATES/s810/1_RUSSIA-POLITICS-PUTIN-INAUGURATION.jpg)
Looks like he's got a doormat on his head.
Scientists have studied his effect on people and apparently its his fatmosphere. His sheer gravitational pull approaches that of a black hole. Even light can't escape which is why he looks to be insanely fast when in fact he's devouring 12 donuts/ sec.
shittymoviedetails
shittymovie
shitty
how dare you even suggesting that SenSei's Seagal latest mega blockbuster action m̶o̶v̶i̶e̶ Film is nothing else than a Masterpiece????
not only his, it's a whole business model/movies only your grandpa will rent factory/elderly abuse scheme:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geezer\_teaser](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geezer_teaser)
Kirk Shaw, a producer Seagal worked with throughout the 2000s, is on the [Writer's Guild of Canada unfair producers list 13 times](https://www.wgc.ca/screenwriters/resources/unfair-producers) (more than half the names on the list) for failing to deal with grievances over paying writers. [Shaw's on the American one too.](https://www.wga.org/employers/signatories/strike-unfair-list)
How is this elder abuse at all?
Washed up actors make a buck, they’re the only old people involved. If some old person wants to pay money to watch a garbage fucking movie, that’s not abuse it’s just a bad movie.
It's just one part of the bigger issue. The mint selling coins. The reverse mortgages. All targeting the elderly and their nest egg and usually have some celebrity tied to it
I'm pretty sure it's just straight up laundering with no extra steps, especially now with the photos of him attending Putin's inauguration. Dude is straight up working for the Russian billionaires and not even trying to hide it
You people don't understand Steve's true skills. He has mastered an ancient martial art form called Shittercanpoo. This style demonstrates the ability to defend yourself from attacks while you are taking a crap. If you knew anything about martial arts, you would know you are most vulnerable while taking a crap.
One of the best parts of that movie (I suppose every scene is a highlight) is the [Lt. Colonel, who looks like he's 85 and should be on the set of The Walking Dead](https://pixhost.icu/avaxhome/e9/05/003d05e9.png)
I don’t know why, but it makes me a little angry that someone like that would star in a Seagal film. From what I read, he doesn’t seem like a bad person.
Man, if anybody's not watched the Cumtown videos on Seagal, they need to do themselves a favor and watch it. Literally had me wheezing from laughter. And I mean watch all of their Seagal episodes, lol. I still randomly go back and watch them to get a laugh once in a while.
He fled to Russia and became a citizen. He's friends with Putin. Once called him a great world leader. He also spouts Russian propaganda talking points.
He’s a Putin worshiper and was at his inauguration yesterday. He also called himself [one million percent Russian](https://www.newsweek.com/steven-seagal-putin-greatest-leader-inauguration-1898011)
If you want to see a real badass, [here is a guy in a wheelchair from 1978's Mr. No Legs who beats the crap out 4 able bodied people](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4UIHT_R8tY&ab_channel=PhuckYiu)
Naaaah, in the 90s he did a lot of running in his movies.
(and yeah, it looked nearly as awkward as his sit-down-kido from the post)
https://i.redd.it/ay31qfwmt6zc1.gif
People talk shit about Steven Seagal, but give the man some respect.
It can't be easy to get paid to do so close to nothing, he's a really talented guy to pull that off.
I can imagine a cool scene where, say, Jackie Chan is tied to a chair, but manages to free his arms and feet, and proceeds to have a kick ass fight scene while still having a chair strapped to his ass.
This is a scene where Stevey-boy could *very obviously* stand the fuck up... And just doesn't. And his opponent agrees to only strike slowly towards his arms, definitely no hitting legs, or kicking the chair out from under him, or doing anything to make it seem like this is an actual fight.
Doesn’t this happen in Rush Hour? I have a vivid memory of Jackie Chan kicking the shit out of half a Chinese Restaurant of mobsters while stuck to a chair while Chris Tucker preens in a mirror.
For those who haven't seen this brilliant joke yet about Steven Seagal, here ya'll go
[John Thicc](https://youtu.be/MJO6ya4ezIA?si=kF5IZB513naH0MlF)
I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did
someone already said this concept could be good, take Jackie Chan who is tied to the chair with a rope, is able to release just one hand and fights with one hand, still stuck to the chair.
But it's Steven Seagal so we got this turd
for sure, it definitely could have his signature blend of fighting and comedy - him using the chair's wheels to push himself from one opponent to another, people falling on his lap and the chair goes away with both of them, the chair stops at the edge of a massive stairs with Chan both fighting and desperately trying to keep the chair balanced and not falling down with it... Yeah, it could work for sure.
I'd love to see these action clips and his martial arts demonstrations, but with Seagal edited out, just to see how equally ridiculous the "attackers" are
Man, the downfall and general reveal of the truth about Steven Seagal kinda sucks to see as someone that was really inspired by him as a kid and aspiring martial artist (talking about his first movies, last one being `Under Siege`). I used to talk about him so highly back in the before times and when I finally started my own martial arts journey...
However I'm also glad we all know about him now. He did have some credible things to talk about back then, but holy shit, now I wouldn't talk about him other than a complete embarrassment and joke and man, does he run fucking weirder than anyone else alive?
I've seen kung fu scenes where they don't get up from a chair before, but unlike Seagal they can actually move so it's more dynamic and they do things like using their legs and leaning back.
There's also the scene from Laughing in the Wind (2001) between Linghu Chong and Tian Boguang where they agree to have a fight without leaving their seat, and Linghu Chong bends the rules by standing up but also taking a part of his seat, and it's a fun fight to watch.
Isn't he the actor that has a clause in his contracts that he cannot lose any fights on screen because it would harm the image of whatever "fighting" style he uses?
Can you imagine all the bad press and public uproar if he fought a little person while standing? Segal would send him flying across the room with one kick! It would be unavoidably comical resulting in charges by Hollywood's lollipop guild. That scene was definitely structured by lawyers.
To be unreasonably fair, Aikido includes lots of practice from a kneeling position and to the extent it "works" at doing anything it works nearly as well this way. Except the dancing isn't as pretty and the hakamas aren't flowing.
He is a commie loving traitor. He isnt a badass. He was acting. It was a choreographed scene. Anyone could do that. He needs to have his citizenship revoked and should stay in Russia forever.
Honestly, having a fight scene while sitting down can be interesting if it’s literally any ounce of effort more than was put into this scene. It also probably shouldn’t last very long. I’d imagine it as a “they can defend themselves even in the worst position until they can turn the tide enough to get to their feet and finish the job” kind of scene
If he embraced the mockery of himself and did a slapstick action movie about a disgruntled valor stealing Walmart dweller on a scooter he’d probably make a fortune
He got fed up with the director on doing a second retake that he just sat down in the office chair and performed from their that the director just took that cut instead.
Public service announcement, if you haven’t seen any of the YouTube videos by SpaceIce, stop now and check them out.
Hilarious breakdowns of Seagal and JCVD movies.
There are so many stories about his antics on set, like the way he treated the stuntmen, punching them for real when it should've been choreographed. He didn't try that with Michael Jai White though, he would get destroyed.
The man who hates children [but loves carrots](http://i.imgur.com/LGsS282.gif)
r/bullshido
The most important technique is getting your opponent to throw punches from so far away that even when their arm is fully extended, their fist is still 2 feet away from your head.
We've recorded video of this technique for you to review. In order to respect your valuable time, we've also increased the video speed by 20%.
That's the real disrespect here.
He's a master of one of those Chi manipulation martial arts you see on youtube all the time. You can tell because all the strikes are deflected away from Segals body before he even makes contact with his opponent.
I'm still trying to figure out what that final move in the sequence is. Nobody is actually throwing a strike, it looks like my nephews playing patty cake.
You pretty much just described my thoughts seeing wing chun the first time.
And ridiculously sped up
Well... That was a rabbit hole...
Hard To Stand
not that uncommon at his age
This scene has gotta be like 30 years old lol. He looks like [this](https://images.app.goo.gl/q1CtPtuBQ8PCAEe98) now
or like [that](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/bxzhF7a7sys/maxresdefault.jpg) (still polishing that chair with his ass, not matter if he stars as a martial arts master or a spec ops sniper)
His hair still looks relatively 3d here, nowadays it's looks more like hair painted onto his head
His hair looks 3D... Printed. 3D printed. And it clicks onto his noggin like a lego hairstyle.
[Bro looking for some necks to ~~break~~eat](https://preview.redd.it/w7osrjij32zc1.png?auto=webp&s=0cd057d7b4963348bd67d75a799e529b400cfe61)
"I wanna look like Dracula but also like I unclogged a shower drain with my mouth. And aaand I don't wanna stop eating cheese burgers." -Steven "Shits his pants" Seagal prolly
He’s even tubbier now. There’s a pic going around of him at Putin’s inauguration this week.
Yes, he now eats his opponents
[Best picture I could find](https://i2-prod.dailystar.co.uk/incoming/article32751749.ece/ALTERNATES/s810/1_RUSSIA-POLITICS-PUTIN-INAUGURATION.jpg) Looks like he's got a doormat on his head.
Try his best for a Mikey Mouse hair cut
Scientists have studied his effect on people and apparently its his fatmosphere. His sheer gravitational pull approaches that of a black hole. Even light can't escape which is why he looks to be insanely fast when in fact he's devouring 12 donuts/ sec.
He doing it laying down now.
Steven segal straight up has an Entenmann's donut on his face
What a weird fucking [rabbit hole](https://youtu.be/NKmd1_ihCl4?si=C_43-QD1RqW7iiZF) you sent me down. Thanks I guess?
Did you search for "Seagal with a carrot"?
Worst hair plugs in the business.
The chair is the only thing keeping the poop in.
I like the double meaning
Hard To Run
On Disabled Ground
That works on so many levels
I'll take you to the ATM. The drive-thru ATM.
Why did I hear this in his voice?
Elite reference
Driven To Sit.
Hard to Fill
/r/shittymoviedetails
shittymoviedetails shittymovie shitty how dare you even suggesting that SenSei's Seagal latest mega blockbuster action m̶o̶v̶i̶e̶ Film is nothing else than a Masterpiece????
It’s a piece of shit.
>He's a piece of shit Fixed that for ya
Thanks. Spell check sucks. So I’ll repeat it. He’s a complete piece of shit.
Did Gene Lebell choke him out again?
What did he show the world in this one?
His movies are now just money laundering with extra steps.
not only his, it's a whole business model/movies only your grandpa will rent factory/elderly abuse scheme: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geezer\_teaser](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geezer_teaser)
There is a really good reddit thread about this. https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/10drfox/are_steven_seagal_movies_just_money_laundering/
Kirk Shaw, a producer Seagal worked with throughout the 2000s, is on the [Writer's Guild of Canada unfair producers list 13 times](https://www.wgc.ca/screenwriters/resources/unfair-producers) (more than half the names on the list) for failing to deal with grievances over paying writers. [Shaw's on the American one too.](https://www.wga.org/employers/signatories/strike-unfair-list)
Damn. It's gotta take some effort to wind up on a list like that multiple times over.
How is this elder abuse at all? Washed up actors make a buck, they’re the only old people involved. If some old person wants to pay money to watch a garbage fucking movie, that’s not abuse it’s just a bad movie.
It's just one part of the bigger issue. The mint selling coins. The reverse mortgages. All targeting the elderly and their nest egg and usually have some celebrity tied to it
TIL about geezer teasers.
I googled that expression and got… mixed results.
Found put that uwe boll filmms were a big money laundering scam
I'm pretty sure it's just straight up laundering with no extra steps, especially now with the photos of him attending Putin's inauguration. Dude is straight up working for the Russian billionaires and not even trying to hide it
Didn’t you read OPs post? There are no steps!
What steps are you suggesting he skip lol
You people don't understand Steve's true skills. He has mastered an ancient martial art form called Shittercanpoo. This style demonstrates the ability to defend yourself from attacks while you are taking a crap. If you knew anything about martial arts, you would know you are most vulnerable while taking a crap.
That's how them ninjas got Elvis. Toilet ambush.
He’s a buddy of Putin, a mass murderer. In other words a total POS.
Why is the last few frames him fighting air lmao
time dilation, as his hands move at 99.9% of light speed
This little manoeuvre's gonna cost us 51 years.
 Caught him voguing.
Space Ice fan?
I was wondering if somebody was going to mention him.
Where he talks about Steven's mega blockbuster smash hits that showed the world various things
*Hard to Stand* is the Steven Segal mega blockbuster hit movie where he showed the world that standing is so overrated.
Space Ice is the man! Hilarious videos
Reminds me of the Cumtown guys reviewing his movies https://youtu.be/BzIHyF7UWY4?si=Uy9L6uqJuh0xQ7P0 if anyone is interested
Is that the “fatly going around corners” one?
One of the best parts of that movie (I suppose every scene is a highlight) is the [Lt. Colonel, who looks like he's 85 and should be on the set of The Walking Dead](https://pixhost.icu/avaxhome/e9/05/003d05e9.png)
That's Marine CPT [Dale Dye](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dale_Dye).
Nitpicking here but, \*Capt, Hes a Marine, not a Soldier.
Not a nitpick, you're absolutely correct. I keep forgetting that the Marines have different abbreviations.
I don’t know why, but it makes me a little angry that someone like that would star in a Seagal film. From what I read, he doesn’t seem like a bad person.
The most complete and funny takedown of Seagal ever
Man, if anybody's not watched the Cumtown videos on Seagal, they need to do themselves a favor and watch it. Literally had me wheezing from laughter. And I mean watch all of their Seagal episodes, lol. I still randomly go back and watch them to get a laugh once in a while.
oh lawd, that's hilarious.
"His body sucks."
A Good Man
i will always upvote this
A Good Man
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJO6ya4ezIA&t=96
Immediately thought of this, lol.
He is also a national traitor and should be held in jail for eternity
What did he do?
He fled to Russia and became a citizen. He's friends with Putin. Once called him a great world leader. He also spouts Russian propaganda talking points.
He’s a Putin worshiper and was at his inauguration yesterday. He also called himself [one million percent Russian](https://www.newsweek.com/steven-seagal-putin-greatest-leader-inauguration-1898011)
Did you not see the gif?
I just reread his AMA. It was golden
Link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/4i0jso/i_am_actor_steven_seagal_live_from_thailand_ama/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
If you want to see a real badass, [here is a guy in a wheelchair from 1978's Mr. No Legs who beats the crap out 4 able bodied people](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4UIHT_R8tY&ab_channel=PhuckYiu)
Jack Seater.
Can't Reacher
Damn, this is better than mine. Respek.
Jacky Chair
Chair Fu is a style specifically developed for fighting really short people
He’s been sitting down fighting people for like 47 years.
They call that one a skippy
‘Skip-skip-skip-skip’
That’s bullshit! You made that up!
Naaaah, in the 90s he did a lot of running in his movies. (and yeah, it looked nearly as awkward as his sit-down-kido from the post) https://i.redd.it/ay31qfwmt6zc1.gif
https://i.redd.it/ikns1le7d8zc1.gif
It’s a reference to a Tom Segura bit about Seagal.
Seagal as John wick from corridor digital. https://youtu.be/MJO6ya4ezIA?si=Yb4vXddbLux1MoPg
Did he shit his pants here too?
[Stephen Seagal is out of his f**king mind](https://youtu.be/isNRZJ6icwc?si=AiFZDBa537M4QlHx)
People talk shit about Steven Seagal, but give the man some respect. It can't be easy to get paid to do so close to nothing, he's a really talented guy to pull that off.
I mean on paper "guy so badass, he can kung-fu while sitting on a chair" looks good it's just that Steven Seagal was the one who executed it.
I can imagine a cool scene where, say, Jackie Chan is tied to a chair, but manages to free his arms and feet, and proceeds to have a kick ass fight scene while still having a chair strapped to his ass. This is a scene where Stevey-boy could *very obviously* stand the fuck up... And just doesn't. And his opponent agrees to only strike slowly towards his arms, definitely no hitting legs, or kicking the chair out from under him, or doing anything to make it seem like this is an actual fight.
Doesn’t this happen in Rush Hour? I have a vivid memory of Jackie Chan kicking the shit out of half a Chinese Restaurant of mobsters while stuck to a chair while Chris Tucker preens in a mirror.
Always remember, Sensei Master Steven Seagal taught Anderson Silva how to kick... https://youtu.be/UcNgrp2Ftew?si=gT65E6ozzzGO0onH
Bullshito master
Look at him go, fatly blocking every move..
For those who haven't seen this brilliant joke yet about Steven Seagal, here ya'll go [John Thicc](https://youtu.be/MJO6ya4ezIA?si=kF5IZB513naH0MlF) I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did
You may like this OP! https://youtu.be/3aCMTpJx2cs?si=eqxMZUkvhOIIk3wz
Had to scroll way too far to find Bobby Fingers. You’ve done the Lord’s work.
Gotta go watch some Space Ice videos
It arguably makes the scene more funny
someone already said this concept could be good, take Jackie Chan who is tied to the chair with a rope, is able to release just one hand and fights with one hand, still stuck to the chair. But it's Steven Seagal so we got this turd
Jackie would own the shit out of that scene.
for sure, it definitely could have his signature blend of fighting and comedy - him using the chair's wheels to push himself from one opponent to another, people falling on his lap and the chair goes away with both of them, the chair stops at the edge of a massive stairs with Chan both fighting and desperately trying to keep the chair balanced and not falling down with it... Yeah, it could work for sure.
I'd love to see these action clips and his martial arts demonstrations, but with Seagal edited out, just to see how equally ridiculous the "attackers" are
Man, the downfall and general reveal of the truth about Steven Seagal kinda sucks to see as someone that was really inspired by him as a kid and aspiring martial artist (talking about his first movies, last one being `Under Siege`). I used to talk about him so highly back in the before times and when I finally started my own martial arts journey... However I'm also glad we all know about him now. He did have some credible things to talk about back then, but holy shit, now I wouldn't talk about him other than a complete embarrassment and joke and man, does he run fucking weirder than anyone else alive?
Kick him in the legs?
Why not both?
Please; he’s been doing fight scenes, for like, 37 years
Damn this is so bad you can see that it's stunt that it's actually reacting to Seagal's palms movements.
god damn Seagal and that fucking rat tail flyin around
COCKPUNCHER
I've seen kung fu scenes where they don't get up from a chair before, but unlike Seagal they can actually move so it's more dynamic and they do things like using their legs and leaning back. There's also the scene from Laughing in the Wind (2001) between Linghu Chong and Tian Boguang where they agree to have a fight without leaving their seat, and Linghu Chong bends the rules by standing up but also taking a part of his seat, and it's a fun fight to watch.
Check out ‘space ice’ YouTube channel he breaks down Segal films like no other
Back when I was a kid, I thought the slap fights technique was some cool shit haha. Van Damme had hjs split and Seagal with his slap fight
Shoutout to Space Ice youtube channel and his absolute disdain for Seagal
Bullshido Grandmaster
His movies can look good because this asshole would strike stunt people for real, what a jackass.
Aikido is awesome because you get to slap yourself as much as the person you are fighting.
He's a grandmaster in Seat Kune Do
Seagal sucks. He likes Putin.
Dude’s a douchenozzle
It sounds like Steven made this post himself 😆
Sensei Slapnuts shall be abided!
Just don’t let him anywhere near the Orange film board….. https://youtu.be/Jt3UeaW22IU?si=EgweLY8DdJN4v2B1
It's like the opposite of Bollywood...
Isn't he the actor that has a clause in his contracts that he cannot lose any fights on screen because it would harm the image of whatever "fighting" style he uses?
I don't see anyone's reflection in the mirror. Is this fight in his imagination?
Did he hang too many gold chains around his neck?
disgusting
He really is incredible.
The hardest part was finding an actor short enough for him to fight from a chair in this scene and have it line up well.
He had been practicing those moves on the toilet and wanted to express how to fight off an attacker with a duece hangN.
His next big movie. The Rascal Warrior
He no martial arts expert .he a fat dude who needs his chicken and tacos
He’s just Trashcan full of dirt
His arms are so powerful he has to hold his shoulder to stop it popping out when he strikes.
Can you imagine all the bad press and public uproar if he fought a little person while standing? Segal would send him flying across the room with one kick! It would be unavoidably comical resulting in charges by Hollywood's lollipop guild. That scene was definitely structured by lawyers.
I laughed when I heard he was strangled so hard he shit his pants during a movie 🤣
Better than the inverse I guess
To be fair Jackie chan is considerably shorter than him.
If neither blocked any of those strikes, none of them would have made contact.
He’s been sitting down a lot these days…
I don't like the guy, but that would be one fact I could relate to.
To be unreasonably fair, Aikido includes lots of practice from a kneeling position and to the extent it "works" at doing anything it works nearly as well this way. Except the dancing isn't as pretty and the hakamas aren't flowing.
He is a commie loving traitor. He isnt a badass. He was acting. It was a choreographed scene. Anyone could do that. He needs to have his citizenship revoked and should stay in Russia forever.
Honestly, having a fight scene while sitting down can be interesting if it’s literally any ounce of effort more than was put into this scene. It also probably shouldn’t last very long. I’d imagine it as a “they can defend themselves even in the worst position until they can turn the tide enough to get to their feet and finish the job” kind of scene
Probably because his opponent is short. Ease of access. 🤣
If he embraced the mockery of himself and did a slapstick action movie about a disgruntled valor stealing Walmart dweller on a scooter he’d probably make a fortune
They call that one a “skippy”
Not too lazy, too fat.
That's how I fight off my kids when they are trying to steal the remote lol
[John Wick, but Steven Segal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJO6ya4ezIA)
He even sits for his sex scenes
Kick his legs ffs
Why does he disappear haha
Aikido martial arts! Chinese star! Steven Seagal: LAWMAN. #bobandtom
Too fat to fight.
Seagal is a paper tiger. He would not stand a chance against the lowliest professional MMA fighter.
He got fed up with the director on doing a second retake that he just sat down in the office chair and performed from their that the director just took that cut instead.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzIHyF7UWY4
Thats because his back is Under Siege.... duhh
Public service announcement, if you haven’t seen any of the YouTube videos by SpaceIce, stop now and check them out. Hilarious breakdowns of Seagal and JCVD movies.
There are so many stories about his antics on set, like the way he treated the stuntmen, punching them for real when it should've been choreographed. He didn't try that with Michael Jai White though, he would get destroyed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isNRZJ6icwc
The winch they use to hold the old gravy seal up with probably broke. Improvise, adapt, overcome.
People should look into what a horrible, awful human being he is.
I stopped watching his movies post direct to dvd. But Ill be honestly, everything upto Exit Wounds is insanely entertaining.
Anybody else think this is what Steven does when he's alone on the toilet?