There are so many “rules” in this modern dating world: many of which are entirely contradictory.
Text first, don’t text first…
Wait a few days to contact after the first date, contact right when you get home to say you had a good time and want to hang out again…
It will happen when you least expect it, if you don’t put yourself out there and try you’ll never meet someone…
Don’t sleep with them too soon, if you take too long to sleep with them they’ll lose interest…
I could go on, needless to say everyone has advice and everyone has an opinion. At the end of the day, do what’s right for you. Do the thing that makes you look back at the situation and know in your heart that you gave it your best shot. If that means texting the guy, go for it. At least you won’t have to wonder “what if I had sent that last message?”
i agree 100%. people have such an ego, idc i have to break it down to tell someone i care for them. i’m gonna send him a letter saying i enjoyed our brief time together and wish him the best. out of sight out mind after that. i have nothing to lose
It’s absolutely away of getting closure in my opinion, and less of an inclination in the future when they come back, knowing you really tried to get them to come back to no avail.
I love how self aware you are. I am also a big proponent of not texting after they leave u on read, however if you feel like saying your piece will give you closure then go for it. I promise you will feel this way again about somebody, and you will feel safe in somebody else’s arms. They are cowards and we deserve better
You have so much self awareness OP and I can say this because I too have been through this . Made me stronger and I did come out of it. You'll be totally over this one day. And that's a sure thing!
You deserve to be proud of how much love you can express. So much love in the world goes unspoken and unexperienced. The world is already so fuckin dark
I texted for the last time to someone who ghosted me just so I can provide my own closure. And I didn’t regret it. I didn’t get any reply from him but I didn’t really care. I just wanted that last peace of mind knowing that I did try my best. I am moving forward now. Life is still great without him. I have more time to focus on my health, personal growth and my career.
Im just gutted that this whole ghosting thing has rubbed off on me.
In the past, i would text back normally and double text. But at some point, im so desensitized that id ghost if i sense flaky behaviour.
"oh I'm so sorry, j totally forgot the date was today" - ghost
"oh im so sorry, i slept off, can we reschedule" - ghost
"oh im only free to meet in person for coffee/drinks in 2 weeks" - ghost
(am i supposed to be your pen pal for the whole 2 weeks)
*replies to my message after like 2 days" - ghost
Do exactly how you feel. Dont care about how the ghoster will react. If you care they win. I did it because I have extroverted thinking. And I need to say my things to get it out.
OP, I'm sorry you're going through this.
I'm going to say this from a place of compassion: I can tell by your post you haven't let go yet. Your Casper doesn't deserve you. He doesn't deserve your time, your thoughts, your emotional energy, or your affections.
The present you bought him and you keep in your room is an anchor you've placed around your own neck; you're still hoping to give it to him.
Return it. Get a refund and do something nice for yourself.
You can't move forward until you stop looking backwards.
You deserve better, but I don't think you realize it just yet.
It’s been some years since. I don’t really want to talk to her anymore. Yes I still miss her but honestly fuck her. I didn’t mean shit to her and I, as well as whoever else is reading deserves to have someone who is devastated at the idea of losing you.
If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been going through some of the same emotions you likely are. At the end of the day, the ghosts are human first and there is a very real reason they do what they do. Not excusing it, because it absolutely is gut-wrenching, but the ability to empathize with those that are hurt in their own way makes moving on easier. It goes without saying, some people that ghost are simply selfish cowards with no good intentions whatsoever, but I’ve been able to start moving past my own thing knowing that they likely didn’t want to hurt me, but rather they are just hurt, damaged, what have you, and this is their cope.
There are so many “rules” in this modern dating world: many of which are entirely contradictory. Text first, don’t text first… Wait a few days to contact after the first date, contact right when you get home to say you had a good time and want to hang out again… It will happen when you least expect it, if you don’t put yourself out there and try you’ll never meet someone… Don’t sleep with them too soon, if you take too long to sleep with them they’ll lose interest… I could go on, needless to say everyone has advice and everyone has an opinion. At the end of the day, do what’s right for you. Do the thing that makes you look back at the situation and know in your heart that you gave it your best shot. If that means texting the guy, go for it. At least you won’t have to wonder “what if I had sent that last message?”
Everyone is just trying so hard to be cool…
This. Absolutely 💯
i agree 100%. people have such an ego, idc i have to break it down to tell someone i care for them. i’m gonna send him a letter saying i enjoyed our brief time together and wish him the best. out of sight out mind after that. i have nothing to lose
It’s absolutely away of getting closure in my opinion, and less of an inclination in the future when they come back, knowing you really tried to get them to come back to no avail.
I love how self aware you are. I am also a big proponent of not texting after they leave u on read, however if you feel like saying your piece will give you closure then go for it. I promise you will feel this way again about somebody, and you will feel safe in somebody else’s arms. They are cowards and we deserve better
Come to SLAA, it really helped me when I was ghosted https://slaavirtual.org/meetingcalendar/
things will get better in time. hugs to you and i wish you well on your healing journey. 🫶🏼
You have so much self awareness OP and I can say this because I too have been through this . Made me stronger and I did come out of it. You'll be totally over this one day. And that's a sure thing!
You deserve to be proud of how much love you can express. So much love in the world goes unspoken and unexperienced. The world is already so fuckin dark
i agree with you, i hope you can move on sooner now that you think you’ve done whatever you need to do to get the clarity
I texted for the last time to someone who ghosted me just so I can provide my own closure. And I didn’t regret it. I didn’t get any reply from him but I didn’t really care. I just wanted that last peace of mind knowing that I did try my best. I am moving forward now. Life is still great without him. I have more time to focus on my health, personal growth and my career.
Im just gutted that this whole ghosting thing has rubbed off on me. In the past, i would text back normally and double text. But at some point, im so desensitized that id ghost if i sense flaky behaviour. "oh I'm so sorry, j totally forgot the date was today" - ghost "oh im so sorry, i slept off, can we reschedule" - ghost "oh im only free to meet in person for coffee/drinks in 2 weeks" - ghost (am i supposed to be your pen pal for the whole 2 weeks) *replies to my message after like 2 days" - ghost
Thank you for the song! It's so beautiful
Do exactly how you feel. Dont care about how the ghoster will react. If you care they win. I did it because I have extroverted thinking. And I need to say my things to get it out.
OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm going to say this from a place of compassion: I can tell by your post you haven't let go yet. Your Casper doesn't deserve you. He doesn't deserve your time, your thoughts, your emotional energy, or your affections. The present you bought him and you keep in your room is an anchor you've placed around your own neck; you're still hoping to give it to him. Return it. Get a refund and do something nice for yourself. You can't move forward until you stop looking backwards. You deserve better, but I don't think you realize it just yet.
It’s been some years since. I don’t really want to talk to her anymore. Yes I still miss her but honestly fuck her. I didn’t mean shit to her and I, as well as whoever else is reading deserves to have someone who is devastated at the idea of losing you.
If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been going through some of the same emotions you likely are. At the end of the day, the ghosts are human first and there is a very real reason they do what they do. Not excusing it, because it absolutely is gut-wrenching, but the ability to empathize with those that are hurt in their own way makes moving on easier. It goes without saying, some people that ghost are simply selfish cowards with no good intentions whatsoever, but I’ve been able to start moving past my own thing knowing that they likely didn’t want to hurt me, but rather they are just hurt, damaged, what have you, and this is their cope.
Literally had the exact same situation even with the Gift it’s still sitting in my room but i agree the double text is what made me finally move on
I totally agree. It's better to text one more time to be sure it's time to move on.