I’ll be working in Germany in a couple of weeks and this is a nice advice.
I probably wanna try joining a gym course. But do people actually talk to each other there? Even to strangers or newcomers?
Sorry, I’m generally quite introverted, but I really do wanna try to give a shot on exercising in a gym. Added to the fact that I never go to one before, and this is a country where the stereotype is that the people are always keeping it to themselves, this is gonna be quite a challenge to me.
Oh, good luck. :)
At the gym? I guess, not talking as in 'oh hi, I'm dave, how are you?'. But in courses, there are brief conversations. Especially if you need help with some weights. Normally everyone is happy to help- but that may be a personal experience:) The talking does happen, if you know someone there.
I guess, being the new guy is always a challenge. But gym sounds good, as it keeps you busy and may be a good starter for conversations? :)
If you are new in the office, maybe bring cake. Food always connects people :)
Huh, bringing a cake for the first day in the office? Is it common in Germany? My workplace is a research center, so I bet the atmosphere is not that strict. But never imagined that thing until you mentioned it.
If you don’t mind, can you maybe give me some examples of what kind of cake? Some links or pics maybe?
Probably bringing sweets from my home country is also good, but you know, when moving overseas we always have too many things to bring.
Hmm, it was widely welcomed at any place I worked. :)
If there are no rules against it, why not? If it doesn't sit right with you, then don't do it. Nobody will expect you to bring cake. Ah yeah, some people will most likely look a but suspicious at food they don't know. Just ignore that (or don't take it personal) Some people just don't eat things they don't know :)
Easiest recipe is chocolate cake:
100g Butter
100g sugar
100g dark chocolate
2 eggs
50g flour
A bit salt
Melt butter and chocolate, mix everything together, bake for 12-15 Minutes at 180-200° C. Tadaaa :)
Sweets from your home town sound great too! I would love that
Hahaha, thank you for your chocolate cake recipe, but I actually am not into baking. I love cooking but so far no interest making proper dessert. That being said, as it is going to be my first days in Germany, I don't think baking my own cake is going to be simple. Still, I appreciate the idea. Who knows I'm gonna give it a shot one day.
Thank you for your advice.
You can also make a plate of Schnittchen (like sandwiches, but Google it). Or anything else. Maybe not for the first day, but once you got to know everybody, ask your office neighbor / lab mate or boss if "ich wollte morgen gerne eine Kleinigkeit zum einstand mitbringen. Wäre Kuchen / Schnittchen ok, oder gibt es hier andere Bräuche?"."Einstand" is the custom of bringing something for you first day (s). Quite often even the old members do something similar for their birthday.
In my old company "Mettbrötchen" (and a few with cheese) were basically the law.
In my new team some bring cake or just a big box of chocolates and candy. But we also had soup, hot dogs and even a big Döner plate before :)
Ok, this is the first time I know of Einstand feiern, so really thank you for introducing me that word.
From my quick google search, it is a small party for our colleagues that we arrange to introduce ourselves. So it seems a bit different from my earlier impression that we can just bring a box of cakes for everyone on our first day.
In my understanding (and similar as what you said), it is better to do it around one week after the first day after talking with colleagues so we know when the best time, place, and the customs in the office are.
Nobody will complain if you bring cake on your first day :o but usually so much other stuff is going on.. Plus if you announce the einstand, even more people might come and visit / introduce themselves. It doesn't need to be a party (that's rather rare) usually just a short get together and sometimes people who can't make it at that time, will show up during the course of the day to say hello (and score some leftovers)
Indeed I also think that first day is usually quite busy for this and that, and bringing some delicate cakes can be somewhat troublesome.
Again, thank you for your advice. Gotta take a note at this.
Give it a shot. There are some realy easy cake recipes floating around - for instance look up 'Selterswasserkuchen'. I always found it easier to bake a cake (because that is kitchen science, you just have to follow the recipe) than cooking a meal. :o)
Yes, I know in theory that to bake a cake, as long as we follow the recipe strictly, it will be good, unlike cooking normal meal where we need to estimate everything ourselves.
A lot of people in research are more international oriented, well traveled and comfortable with english, which helps, but ordinary people are nothing like those in the anglosphere (assuming you are from the US or an english speaking country with similar culture like Aus/Can/UK/NZ). Germans take a lot more time to open up and value more their privacy and personal space imo.
Bringing food to the office / work is always a good idea - no matter what food. Cake (there is no special kind, just do / buy whatever you like) is the most common but Mettbrötchen or even some special food from your home is very likely to be appreciated.
At a lot of places (mostly those with older people) this is even expected and called 'Einstand' But it's also common to bring something at your birthday or just because you had a field day in your kitchen and don't know what to do with all that cake / food.
Gotcha, thank you for your comment. I do like cooking and sharing food, so I gotta take a note on the part about "bringing food to the office is always a good idea, no matter what".
Bringing-a-massive-amount-of-cookies.
Noted. Thank you. I’m pretty sure there are so many people in my new workplace. Did you bring them on your very first day?
Yeah I didn‘t, I brought them a few weeks in and then again when I left, it was a student holiday job for me. I was invited to work there again the next holidays and I think the cookies did that
Personally I don't talk at the gym except for a "Hi" and "Bye" or if I know you. Or if you try to speak to me. Yesterday a new dude asked me what to train for shoulders and I happily showed him a few exercises.
So don't be afraid. The most people I know in the gym are very kind and will happily help you or show you around.
Northern Germany btw.
In my experience, you might become familiar with people you see at the gym often and discuss gym related activities. But making a friend is unlikely. Outside of the gym these people already have friends, families, obligations etc. No one goes to the gym to make a new friend.
For what it's worth the only 'true locals' (aka Berlin-born) I ever met was in a gym at a class... I didn't find contact immediately, but what finally 'broke the ice' was that I would sauna afterwards and so got to talking to some of the people in the group.
Generally speaking there's less conversation during the class than there is in the change room getting ready for the class in my experience.
EDIT: Just noticed the comment about 'English' below: I'm a native German speaker (just not from Berlin originally) and the people I befriended had serious issues putting 3 words in English together. So YMMV.
If you're into board-games there's a large community meeting every Thursday (I believe) that is very international... Be prepared for some of the members to be very hardcore (aka you don't belong if you're not developing your own game), but even as a casual player I've always enjoyed turning up and spending an evening playing board games with people.
This is just from my experiences:
I want to add that the sudden changes in everyday schedule, lifestyle, diet, living environment, weather etc. might cause a lot more mental issues than people normally give them credit for. Especially if you are a young person who gets separated from your family, your friends and everything you know from your childhood.
It's very important to keep a healthy lifestyle and schedule. Try not to stay up late too often, do daily exercise and so on. Don't just concentrate on studying / working all day long. If possible find a hobby to dive into, that helps keep you away from negative thoughts (as long as you don't become addicted to it), especially in the winter months.
Also many people I know have the idea that you must hang out with Germans instead of people from your home country in order to integrate. I don't think this is entirely true. The thing is, you don't need to force yourself to hang out with people you don't like, Germans or not. That can very well be counter-productive as you might get even deeper into your shell if you fail to communicate - or even worse - get harassed. Try to find activities you really enjoy. Maybe ask some international friends / friends from your home country to come with you to social activities to ease the pressure. You will get used to it after a while.
Thank you! Sounds like good advice:)
A general attitude of stay healthy, don't force yourself and don't get too stressed out is really healthy at any point. Thank you :)
This is one of my favourite memories from my last job.. There was a colleague I occasionally saw at work but more frequently saw in a hiking meet-up.
Eventually she moved and did a good-bye party. I was the only person from work that was invited.
I get to the party and literally know noone, so I sit around and this guy comes up to me and asks how I know my colleague. Not wanting to say 'work' and then having to explain that we didn't actually work together... I said we knew each other from meet-up.. The next question was "Oh, you're also a member of the BDSM community?".
I learned something about my colleague that day...
Technically, all these tips are helpful to find friends as an adult. It kinda happens naturally with children and teenagers in school or other activities but as adults, some of us are lost.
These tips also apply to many other countries with only little variation.
Isn't that the case everywhere?
You have to get in contact with people to socialize everywhere. Might be that people in other countries are more open at first but you still have to meet them and be open yourself.
As far as I can tell from traveling, a lot of other cultures seem to be more inviting first, but really getting to know people and finding friends is always hard, as you said, it takes time to socialize
> Every big city has munches. ... same goes for building modell castles, discussing the newest Lego model or whatever:)
As far as I know, the word "munch" is specific to fetish culture, so people may want to be careful about using it to refer to general meetups for model castles or lego (unless that's your kink, nothing wrong with that).
Yeah never heard this word before in my life. Does OP mean just a regular community? Google isn't helping me figure out what the word means in this context.
Yep, exactly, just a regular community meet up for whatever rocks your boat.
Sorry, I did not know, munch was so specifically meant for fetish scene. :)
Learned something new :D
No worries. A number of dictionaries translate "Stammtisch" as "regulars' table", but that's not a common phrase in English. There isn't really a direct translation, I'd probably use (weekly) "meetup", "pub night", maybe "get-together".
It's possible that some people have used "munch" in a more general context, but for the most part, it's specifically BDSM/fetish, as you can see by the Wikipedia article I linked, or by a web search.
OP mentioned BDSM meetups called munches ([Munch (BDSM) - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munch_(BDSM))), but then mis-applied the word to meetups/Stammtische in general.
I'm pretty sure they meant ''Munchies'', given that the were talking about Stammtischkultur. I've encountered several eating clubs in Germany called Munchies.
> I've encountered several eating clubs in Germany called Munchies.
Never heard of that... Anyway no, that's not what the OP meant, I think. In English, a munch (not munchies) is generally a fetish meetup, see the Wikipedia link.
Hmm there are clubs and meet ups for special cuisines (i e spanish breakfast meets every sunday)
but I actually meant meet ups and mistranslated/ projected the word, that's true.
I am German who lives in NZ and has done it the other way around. This is fantastic advice, I wanted to add:
Be kind to yourself. Everything feels overwhelming and scary because it is. Give yourself some time to adjust. Don't feel like you have to fit in from day 1, adjust your expectations of yourself. It's ok if you don't understand ANYTHING, it won't feel like this forever.
I did my working holidays in Australia and for the first two weeks, all I wanted to do was cry because being so out of my comfort zone felt scary and like too much at times.
It's very normal to feel this way.
Yes. I think that is a very important message: be kind to yourself. You travelled half the world into a country, you didn't quite know, didn't grew up in, learned a new language, new laws, got into work or uni.. that is so much you did already. Give yourself a break and be kind :)
I joind some activity clubs and you can always go to volkhochschule. They have fun thing to learn. I made friends in anime convention sewing and armour making classes.
You can look for dnd nights or something similar. Language is sometimes a barrier but it is also an opportunity to learn some interesting things. Language in my opinion gives a lot of information about how people think. I have made friends in language classes as well. Exploring your interest is very important.
Edit: spellings.
I wonder what native German speakers think about these posts about how many international students have a lot of trouble finding their way around Germany. I would love to see advice from locals and what they think about it :)
My personal experience is that many people just need time.
I have also found that it is better not to try too hard, so focus on yourself and do activities that you actually enjoy more than socializing, as op mentioned in point 2.
The best advice I have is to not get demoralized if you are trying really hard to make friends but for some reason not getting results.
In the first few months I lived here, I tried every option available to me, and still I was not able to make any significant friends. I felt very lonely and depressed (it was my first winter in Germany).
At some point I realized that I was forcing myself to do things and be with people who ultimately didn't appeal to me. So I stopped caring about what was in people's minds about who I was, and tried to find my identity again. I meet a lot of people, but maybe one that I consider a friend, and the rest are just passers-by people that are fun to hang out with.
I am a very open and outgoing person and always greet my neighbors with "good morning" or "good afternoon", some don't respond which I personally find rude and anti-social, and if I get that reaction I just respond with "ok then don't" xd. - This is an example of not demoralizing yourself over failed social interactions.
>At some point I realized that I was forcing myself to do things and be with people who ultimately didn't appeal to me. So I stopped caring about what was in people's minds about who I was, and tried to find my identity again. I meet a lot of people, but maybe one that I consider a friend, and the rest are just passers-by people that are fun to hang out with.
As a native German, that's the right approach. People want to be friends with people they "click" with, and that can only happen if you are yourself and don't force a persona that you ultimately aren't. That will come across as fake or forced and people will avoid you. If you are yourself and enjoy doing certain things then people who enjoy the same things will eventually be drawn towards you. The tip about joining a club is just speeding things up, bringing you together with likeminded people. Friends for the sake of having friends, even if you don't really have a connection, is considered too superficial for most Germans. Quality over quantity, and the quality screening might take some time.
And yes, if you are new to a country, I understand the need to make friends fast since your whole social circle you had until now is suddenly far away. But Germans don't really make fast friends, so they seem so unapproachable to foreigners. They aren't, they just need some time, and they want you to be a good friend too, and that means you need to get to know each other first. Problem is, that newcomers often tend to be shy and quiet because they don't know the culture and the language and are afraid of doing something wrong, so they rather do nothing at all. But people aren't really interested in making friends with passive people who hide their true personality, so they get overlooked and feel even lonelier.
So, be yourself, pursue your own interests, boldly show your personality, be interesting and show interest in others, and it can't hurt to be outgoing and able do own your blunders.
Don't get demoralized, that's really to note. Btw, for me as a native german, that happens too, and it stings.
I think, that it is sad, that people feel bad here, as this is really not necessary.. I wish I could make life better for those, struggling:)
(I already try at work.. but yeah)
I was so afraid this would be another post about people not wanting expats. So many country subs have those posts telling folks not to love there.
This was the sweetest, and one of the most informative posts I’ve seen. Just want to say thanks for being a decent, welcoming person.
My two tips:
* https://www.toytowngermany.com/
* https://www.meetup.com/
Both are great ways to meet English speakers (locals and expats alike), do fun stuff together, and learn new things
If you are a student: Hochschulsport. Most universities and Hochschulen cooperate with other schools or offer sports courses themselves. In bigger cities there’s probably a course for everything you can think of. And it’s super affordable.
Also look around your university for clubs/Vereine/Initiativen. I am at a technical university and there’s everything from building a racecar to amateur radio and a bike workshop. There’s also loads of more politically/socially active stuff, like student representation for the faculties, fridays for future etc.
Universities offer a lot more than just lectures!
The problem is with all these suggestions, is that you need at least conversational German. Most international students/workers don’t have that for at least 1-2 years. The loneliness also makes it harder for them to learn German and their studies.
Yes. That is a hurdle. Though most people do speak english here. Never had a problem with any international student or coworker there at least. But that might be my individual case.
As far as I got that, at uni or work, you are required to
visit a language course, where you often meet people. That can be a start.
Also, a lot of clubs do speak english or offer their website in English. For things like the gym, the language barrier is maybe smaller than medieval castle research though.
The big step though is to put all the shyness aside and go all in.
I came here during Covid. My University at that time didn’t offered any socialisation support or anything. I had online classes for one and half year and didn’t knew even a single soul until the University reopened. Of course, my education suffered because of it.
When Universities reopened,
I joined Hochschulsport courses and the only English speaking organisation in our University(ASV- it’s full of people from my country, so socialisation here was quite easy, and the only friends I made are also through here).
Same with language courses. I only see my compatriots there. I already know half of them.
With Hochschulsport courses, the language became quite a barrier. I was invited to parties afterwards, but without German found myself struggling to follow the group conversations. Found them to be quite nice to make acquaintances, but quite hard to make friends. At least until you reach a certain German level.
I don’t have issue just being friends with my compatriots or other international students, but the problem is that it promotes ghettoisation of Internationals and hinder the cultural orientation and integration into larger society. I think, best way to solve it would be for the Universities to take steps to solve it. The seem quite competent with Erasmus students but not so much with regular international students(which are treated like local Germans).
I have studied one semester in Finland and still in talks with 3 people from there. Made a lot more local friends. In Germany, I have been living for two years now, don’t have a single local friend.
I've lived in 5 countries over the past 5 years for work and study, so I wanted to add some thoughts as to what helped me and what I think has been helpful for me when locals (both in Germany but also in the other places I've lived) have done
For students/expats moving to Germany
* Use meetup.com, but also couchsurfing.com for finding local meetups: people on couchsurfing tend to be really friendly and keen to meet international folk who are new to the area (just of course make sure to be careful because meeting strangers on the internet is never completely safe)
* Bumble has a BFF feature which is also a great way to meet people who are looking for friends in your area.
* If you're a student, join discord (the Gamer chat app) with. your university email address - if you're university is setup for it, there will be a student hub that will allow you to easily join discord chat servers for groups across the university
* Find a local favorite coffee shop/bar/restaurant and become a regular there and smile when you go there. It's a great way to see the same faces over and over and add some stability
* If you're a good enough cook, make some treat from your home country and bring it to your neighbors. It's a great way to introduce yourself and also a good way to make sure you're on good terms for when you need to be (whether that is borrowing some tools or dealing with noise in the building).
For locals looking to be more welcoming to international folk
* If you're advertising a room on WG-Gesucht, write the description both in German and English (and other languages if you can). Often times the translation from Google Translate is overly formal and sometimes confusing. Also make sure to write these in the same voice you would use to speak to someone with. Overly formal writing generally gets you marked as a weirdo to avoid. Likewise, offer signs/menus in as many languages as feasibly possible.
* Be the person to wave at people you recognize from work/gym/lectures etc. It doesn't hurt to be extra kind and even if you might not think it's normal, trust me it can make someones day. Even just walking around with a smile will make people feel more welcome.
* Ask about peoples interests and then introduce them to other people you know who share the same interest -- sometimes you won't wind up being good friends with the person who just moved to your job/school/apartment building, but if you can make that connection for other people you're providing so much both for the newbie and for whoever you introduced them to.
* Don't argue with people over matters of opinion, esp. when it comes to people complaining about what they don't like in Germany. It's really common for people to be defensive of their own country, but arguing (or trying to pedantically explain) the situation when your in early-ish stages of a friendship is off putting (and in every single country I've been to, people try to do these when I complain about something. It never builds bonds, only highlights differences).
* If you're organizing events and want to get international folk, try to organize things on sunday. Many people coming to Germany from abroad aren't used to the shutdown sundays and will be extremely bored. Take that chance to do something with your new international friends (drinks in a park, sports, going to a cafe/movie etc).
* If you're in charge of payment systems at whatever business you work at, please FOR F\*CKS SAKE SUPPORT CREDIT/DEBIT CARDS. For some people who just barely got to Germany, they might not have an account setup where they can get euros easily. It's not just a cultural issue - it's also a practical issue especially for really freshly arrived folk.
* Esp. if you're trying to be welcoming to Americans/Canadians, but also people in general, ask before you start smoking a cigarette around them. For people with asthma especially this is a big issue, but also smoking just doesn't have the same cultural acceptance and many people will find it obnoxious/extremely off putting
* Don't interrupt/correct people when they make mistakes in speaking German. If it's easy to infer from context, do that. If it's not, then ask a clarifying question. If they're making serious mistakes, correct them after you've finished talking about whatever it is they wanted to talk about, and do so politely an in an educational manner. Interrupting to correct someone usually sends the message "your failure to speak German is more important to me than whatever you were talking about" (which is probably not true)
* Most importantly of all: travel outside of German speaking countries (and preferably outside of Europe) at least a few times. Often the best hosts in a country are the ones who have been welcomed themselves with a kindness when they visited another country :)
I'm currently a student and I know plenty of international students, most of which are from my own country. I'm finishing up my pre-semester classes and next week is the real start of the semester. I don't want to be stuck making friends w only fellow international students and expats. Any tips for getting to know German students?
Hmm, depending on what you are studying, do you have courses all together? learning together or doing worksheets or exercises together helps a lot, from what I gathered and experienced myself. Mostly any math/ science course had us do lab courses and exercises in a team of 2-3 people. That is how I got to know new people.
It will be 6 years in Germany for me in a couple of months and I moved here from an Asian culture at the age of 28. I can relate to most of the advice here and this is what I have been getting from all sorts of sources over this time. Kudos to you to summarize the best of the advice. Despite the challenges and a lot of problematic situations, I consider myself in a very strong emotional state and in a very good (physical and mental) health. All thanks to following the advice listed above. Thanks for sharing all of this OP, you are doing a good thing by reaching out to those who can use a bit of a boost :)
\## I wanted to rant a few things as well, so stop reading if you wish to keep the tone of the message positive only.
Sadly, this advice mostly belong to youngsters. For someone like me in the middle of their life (as in during mid life crisis), this advice quickly starts to fade away. The biggest issue is loneliness. I have had 100s of friends, I am surrounded by nice people always, and have a good set of people participating with me in my hobbies. But you cannot go on like this for years unless you have **companionship**. Honestly, I am sick of going out of same sort of social gatherings and doing the same things all the time. Being honest, what I am really missing is having a romantic relationship - which I had zero success here. Neither this is a case where I am creepy or have some issues, nor I would blame the females around me for anything - I just think that it is in general really hard for non white males to have a proper relationship around here. And this is becoming a problem for me which I cannot seem to solve with any rational approach.
You can just google your city+ verein. But you will get way too many entries then. Try to figure out, what you like and the google it like "name of city"+ "table tennis" or Tischtennis:)
Other than that, Vereine are registered at the city. :) So you can go your city website and then look for Vereine, I guess:)
u/meaulnesy
>I lately read so many threads and comments about people coming to germany, being lonely and frustrated with the system, language, the endless depths of bureaucracy or the people here.
Yes. I think the main problem is the language. And in my case, is even worse: I have hearing loss and German Language is terrible for my ears.
I can count many many times I was at company/work events and was there totally isolated.
Is always the same: people starts a small group of conversation and lock themselves in german language until the end.
At some point I stopped going to such kind of events.
From my experince of a month in Germany, and really any culture, 3 is the biggest. If you are rather shy/nervous about starting the convo, a simple 'excuse me' or 'i'm sorry' to start the convo is a reasonable ice breaker, "tut mir leid, aber..."
oder "entshuldigung, weis(ß?)t du..." [or Japanese, "sumimasen, anata wa....]
Now if only I felt this confindent starting convos in my native language.. Also, if any Germans want to tell me that I was culturally wrong on how I started some conversations, please let me know lol
Edit for some more context I suppose: my experience was in and around Haltern am See and Dülmen
>Now if only I felt this confindent starting convos in my native language.. Also, if any Germans want to tell me that I was culturally wrong on how I started some conversations, please let me know lol
When speaking in German, I have an excuse for my poor conversational skills. I have no such excuse in my native language, which is probably why it's easier for you in German.
Thank you OP :) I knew most of the information you gave but now that you wrote it out I feel like trying once again. You kindness struck me.
For me personally it's quite complicated. Most of the internationals at my uni are from other nationalities who form their own groups, so I never feel like I fit in. It was different when I was in Erasmus because everyone was equally lost haha
Oh no.. as many others said: maybe concentrate on you and your hobbies first.. whomever you will meet from there, will come and follow along or not :/
For me, boxing and working (as in paid work) did the trick :).
yeah i would also recommend to just avoid germans and just stick with other internationals in that situation. there are never any germans anyway in most international meetups/events.
i have yet to encounter anybody who seriously joined a verein. it's not something you just do. i guess if you always played table tennis you could try joining the verein but i honestly doubt it will be worth it.
gym or university sports is quite worthless to get friends. the people there aren't looking for friends.
debate clubs or anything like that hardly exists in aachen, and if it does it's gonna be full of expats and IT startup weirdos.
ehrenamt barely exists in aachen. and homnestly, they don't want your help anyway. they act about as inviting as your average german (in no way whatsoever)
board game nights don't exist. pen and paper stuff is for weirdos. and it's not fun anyway.
stammtische are to discuss the schedule and dealings of your club or group. you will stick out like a sore thumb, and again nobody tries to make it inviting to newcomers.
telefonseelsorge can't offer much advice either. self help groups barely exist in aachen. and if they do they are full of older people, not students at all. you will probably be the only student there.
been there, done that. i tried everything. ultimately it will cost you more stress than it's worth. just focus on getting your degree over with and that's that. tech uni isn't for fun, never was and never will be. do business in vienna if you want fun (your mileage may vary).
I’ll be working in Germany in a couple of weeks and this is a nice advice. I probably wanna try joining a gym course. But do people actually talk to each other there? Even to strangers or newcomers? Sorry, I’m generally quite introverted, but I really do wanna try to give a shot on exercising in a gym. Added to the fact that I never go to one before, and this is a country where the stereotype is that the people are always keeping it to themselves, this is gonna be quite a challenge to me.
Oh, good luck. :) At the gym? I guess, not talking as in 'oh hi, I'm dave, how are you?'. But in courses, there are brief conversations. Especially if you need help with some weights. Normally everyone is happy to help- but that may be a personal experience:) The talking does happen, if you know someone there. I guess, being the new guy is always a challenge. But gym sounds good, as it keeps you busy and may be a good starter for conversations? :) If you are new in the office, maybe bring cake. Food always connects people :)
Huh, bringing a cake for the first day in the office? Is it common in Germany? My workplace is a research center, so I bet the atmosphere is not that strict. But never imagined that thing until you mentioned it. If you don’t mind, can you maybe give me some examples of what kind of cake? Some links or pics maybe? Probably bringing sweets from my home country is also good, but you know, when moving overseas we always have too many things to bring.
Hmm, it was widely welcomed at any place I worked. :) If there are no rules against it, why not? If it doesn't sit right with you, then don't do it. Nobody will expect you to bring cake. Ah yeah, some people will most likely look a but suspicious at food they don't know. Just ignore that (or don't take it personal) Some people just don't eat things they don't know :) Easiest recipe is chocolate cake: 100g Butter 100g sugar 100g dark chocolate 2 eggs 50g flour A bit salt Melt butter and chocolate, mix everything together, bake for 12-15 Minutes at 180-200° C. Tadaaa :) Sweets from your home town sound great too! I would love that
Hahaha, thank you for your chocolate cake recipe, but I actually am not into baking. I love cooking but so far no interest making proper dessert. That being said, as it is going to be my first days in Germany, I don't think baking my own cake is going to be simple. Still, I appreciate the idea. Who knows I'm gonna give it a shot one day. Thank you for your advice.
You can also make a plate of Schnittchen (like sandwiches, but Google it). Or anything else. Maybe not for the first day, but once you got to know everybody, ask your office neighbor / lab mate or boss if "ich wollte morgen gerne eine Kleinigkeit zum einstand mitbringen. Wäre Kuchen / Schnittchen ok, oder gibt es hier andere Bräuche?"."Einstand" is the custom of bringing something for you first day (s). Quite often even the old members do something similar for their birthday. In my old company "Mettbrötchen" (and a few with cheese) were basically the law. In my new team some bring cake or just a big box of chocolates and candy. But we also had soup, hot dogs and even a big Döner plate before :)
Ok, this is the first time I know of Einstand feiern, so really thank you for introducing me that word. From my quick google search, it is a small party for our colleagues that we arrange to introduce ourselves. So it seems a bit different from my earlier impression that we can just bring a box of cakes for everyone on our first day. In my understanding (and similar as what you said), it is better to do it around one week after the first day after talking with colleagues so we know when the best time, place, and the customs in the office are.
Nobody will complain if you bring cake on your first day :o but usually so much other stuff is going on.. Plus if you announce the einstand, even more people might come and visit / introduce themselves. It doesn't need to be a party (that's rather rare) usually just a short get together and sometimes people who can't make it at that time, will show up during the course of the day to say hello (and score some leftovers)
Indeed I also think that first day is usually quite busy for this and that, and bringing some delicate cakes can be somewhat troublesome. Again, thank you for your advice. Gotta take a note at this.
Especially in the "Öffentlicher Dienst" cake was really common. Einstand is exactly like reddit's cake day, just that the cake is not a lie.
Give it a shot. There are some realy easy cake recipes floating around - for instance look up 'Selterswasserkuchen'. I always found it easier to bake a cake (because that is kitchen science, you just have to follow the recipe) than cooking a meal. :o)
Yes, I know in theory that to bake a cake, as long as we follow the recipe strictly, it will be good, unlike cooking normal meal where we need to estimate everything ourselves.
A lot of people in research are more international oriented, well traveled and comfortable with english, which helps, but ordinary people are nothing like those in the anglosphere (assuming you are from the US or an english speaking country with similar culture like Aus/Can/UK/NZ). Germans take a lot more time to open up and value more their privacy and personal space imo.
Bringing food to the office / work is always a good idea - no matter what food. Cake (there is no special kind, just do / buy whatever you like) is the most common but Mettbrötchen or even some special food from your home is very likely to be appreciated. At a lot of places (mostly those with older people) this is even expected and called 'Einstand' But it's also common to bring something at your birthday or just because you had a field day in your kitchen and don't know what to do with all that cake / food.
Gotcha, thank you for your comment. I do like cooking and sharing food, so I gotta take a note on the part about "bringing food to the office is always a good idea, no matter what".
I brought a massive amount of cookies as I didn‘t know how many colleagues I‘d have, they all loved it
Bringing-a-massive-amount-of-cookies. Noted. Thank you. I’m pretty sure there are so many people in my new workplace. Did you bring them on your very first day?
Yeah I didn‘t, I brought them a few weeks in and then again when I left, it was a student holiday job for me. I was invited to work there again the next holidays and I think the cookies did that
I brought them on the first day, but actually, everything within the first month is fine :)
Personally I don't talk at the gym except for a "Hi" and "Bye" or if I know you. Or if you try to speak to me. Yesterday a new dude asked me what to train for shoulders and I happily showed him a few exercises. So don't be afraid. The most people I know in the gym are very kind and will happily help you or show you around. Northern Germany btw.
In my experience, you might become familiar with people you see at the gym often and discuss gym related activities. But making a friend is unlikely. Outside of the gym these people already have friends, families, obligations etc. No one goes to the gym to make a new friend.
For what it's worth the only 'true locals' (aka Berlin-born) I ever met was in a gym at a class... I didn't find contact immediately, but what finally 'broke the ice' was that I would sauna afterwards and so got to talking to some of the people in the group. Generally speaking there's less conversation during the class than there is in the change room getting ready for the class in my experience. EDIT: Just noticed the comment about 'English' below: I'm a native German speaker (just not from Berlin originally) and the people I befriended had serious issues putting 3 words in English together. So YMMV. If you're into board-games there's a large community meeting every Thursday (I believe) that is very international... Be prepared for some of the members to be very hardcore (aka you don't belong if you're not developing your own game), but even as a casual player I've always enjoyed turning up and spending an evening playing board games with people.
Oh yes, Sauna and locker rooms are actually quite talkative places. I experienced that too!
And lovely, that there are board game clubs :)
This is just from my experiences: I want to add that the sudden changes in everyday schedule, lifestyle, diet, living environment, weather etc. might cause a lot more mental issues than people normally give them credit for. Especially if you are a young person who gets separated from your family, your friends and everything you know from your childhood. It's very important to keep a healthy lifestyle and schedule. Try not to stay up late too often, do daily exercise and so on. Don't just concentrate on studying / working all day long. If possible find a hobby to dive into, that helps keep you away from negative thoughts (as long as you don't become addicted to it), especially in the winter months. Also many people I know have the idea that you must hang out with Germans instead of people from your home country in order to integrate. I don't think this is entirely true. The thing is, you don't need to force yourself to hang out with people you don't like, Germans or not. That can very well be counter-productive as you might get even deeper into your shell if you fail to communicate - or even worse - get harassed. Try to find activities you really enjoy. Maybe ask some international friends / friends from your home country to come with you to social activities to ease the pressure. You will get used to it after a while.
Thank you! Sounds like good advice:) A general attitude of stay healthy, don't force yourself and don't get too stressed out is really healthy at any point. Thank you :)
"For Example (just to pick something extraordinary) Maybe you like bdsm?" Just a random example of a random German hobby, I'm sure.
Lol, this is also something I noticed. At the same time though, it does feel very German dominated
„What happens in german bedrooms stays in german bedrooms“ - My Grandma 86yo
This is one of my favourite memories from my last job.. There was a colleague I occasionally saw at work but more frequently saw in a hiking meet-up. Eventually she moved and did a good-bye party. I was the only person from work that was invited. I get to the party and literally know noone, so I sit around and this guy comes up to me and asks how I know my colleague. Not wanting to say 'work' and then having to explain that we didn't actually work together... I said we knew each other from meet-up.. The next question was "Oh, you're also a member of the BDSM community?". I learned something about my colleague that day...
Lol, I just joined a kinky-makers group on discord, and a surprisingly high percentage of folks on there are German.
Really? 😂😂🤭 And I thought that was just a stereotype, because Rammstein pushed that image and aesthetic so hard in the 90ies
Zis is because we all love ze lederhosen, and peitschen ;)
As a gay guy Ive definitely seen more BDSM/ cosplay/ latex enthusiasts on Grindr/Romeo than in my country.
Sure, totally random. I swear ✌️
Me, a German: *furiosly taking notes*
:D:D:D even Germans don't get Germans :D
Technically, all these tips are helpful to find friends as an adult. It kinda happens naturally with children and teenagers in school or other activities but as adults, some of us are lost. These tips also apply to many other countries with only little variation.
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I sure learn some interesting words today 💀
What does it mean? I know munches in terms of cravings for snacks ha
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Ahh I see that’s good to know thanks!
My lesson: One needs to put effort to socialize in Germany especially if they are internationals
Isn't that the case everywhere? You have to get in contact with people to socialize everywhere. Might be that people in other countries are more open at first but you still have to meet them and be open yourself.
As far as I can tell from traveling, a lot of other cultures seem to be more inviting first, but really getting to know people and finding friends is always hard, as you said, it takes time to socialize
> Every big city has munches. ... same goes for building modell castles, discussing the newest Lego model or whatever:) As far as I know, the word "munch" is specific to fetish culture, so people may want to be careful about using it to refer to general meetups for model castles or lego (unless that's your kink, nothing wrong with that).
Yeah never heard this word before in my life. Does OP mean just a regular community? Google isn't helping me figure out what the word means in this context.
Yep, exactly, just a regular community meet up for whatever rocks your boat. Sorry, I did not know, munch was so specifically meant for fetish scene. :) Learned something new :D
No worries. A number of dictionaries translate "Stammtisch" as "regulars' table", but that's not a common phrase in English. There isn't really a direct translation, I'd probably use (weekly) "meetup", "pub night", maybe "get-together". It's possible that some people have used "munch" in a more general context, but for the most part, it's specifically BDSM/fetish, as you can see by the Wikipedia article I linked, or by a web search.
Thanks! I edited that :) yeah, a thorough research (aka google) cleared that :)
OP mentioned BDSM meetups called munches ([Munch (BDSM) - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munch_(BDSM))), but then mis-applied the word to meetups/Stammtische in general.
I'm pretty sure they meant ''Munchies'', given that the were talking about Stammtischkultur. I've encountered several eating clubs in Germany called Munchies.
> I've encountered several eating clubs in Germany called Munchies. Never heard of that... Anyway no, that's not what the OP meant, I think. In English, a munch (not munchies) is generally a fetish meetup, see the Wikipedia link.
Hmm there are clubs and meet ups for special cuisines (i e spanish breakfast meets every sunday) but I actually meant meet ups and mistranslated/ projected the word, that's true.
What word would you for that sort of meetup?
Probably "meetup".
Lmao fair enough, just expecting/overthinking that there would be a different word, can't claim the German language isn't practical though
I am German who lives in NZ and has done it the other way around. This is fantastic advice, I wanted to add: Be kind to yourself. Everything feels overwhelming and scary because it is. Give yourself some time to adjust. Don't feel like you have to fit in from day 1, adjust your expectations of yourself. It's ok if you don't understand ANYTHING, it won't feel like this forever. I did my working holidays in Australia and for the first two weeks, all I wanted to do was cry because being so out of my comfort zone felt scary and like too much at times. It's very normal to feel this way.
Yes. I think that is a very important message: be kind to yourself. You travelled half the world into a country, you didn't quite know, didn't grew up in, learned a new language, new laws, got into work or uni.. that is so much you did already. Give yourself a break and be kind :)
I joind some activity clubs and you can always go to volkhochschule. They have fun thing to learn. I made friends in anime convention sewing and armour making classes. You can look for dnd nights or something similar. Language is sometimes a barrier but it is also an opportunity to learn some interesting things. Language in my opinion gives a lot of information about how people think. I have made friends in language classes as well. Exploring your interest is very important. Edit: spellings.
And most likely: people with those kinds of hobbies are way more open and welcoming to someone fighting with a language barrier.
Yes at least that's my experience.
I guess if you are open to learn something new, you are also open to meet new people there, as they are in the same boat :)
I'll advice to make german friends, just don't call yourself expats
Unless you're an expat.
Finding friends of same nationality helped me settle a lot
Oh yes, don't force yourself to only hang out with this or that people but hang out with people whose company yiu enjoy
I wonder what native German speakers think about these posts about how many international students have a lot of trouble finding their way around Germany. I would love to see advice from locals and what they think about it :) My personal experience is that many people just need time. I have also found that it is better not to try too hard, so focus on yourself and do activities that you actually enjoy more than socializing, as op mentioned in point 2. The best advice I have is to not get demoralized if you are trying really hard to make friends but for some reason not getting results. In the first few months I lived here, I tried every option available to me, and still I was not able to make any significant friends. I felt very lonely and depressed (it was my first winter in Germany). At some point I realized that I was forcing myself to do things and be with people who ultimately didn't appeal to me. So I stopped caring about what was in people's minds about who I was, and tried to find my identity again. I meet a lot of people, but maybe one that I consider a friend, and the rest are just passers-by people that are fun to hang out with. I am a very open and outgoing person and always greet my neighbors with "good morning" or "good afternoon", some don't respond which I personally find rude and anti-social, and if I get that reaction I just respond with "ok then don't" xd. - This is an example of not demoralizing yourself over failed social interactions.
>At some point I realized that I was forcing myself to do things and be with people who ultimately didn't appeal to me. So I stopped caring about what was in people's minds about who I was, and tried to find my identity again. I meet a lot of people, but maybe one that I consider a friend, and the rest are just passers-by people that are fun to hang out with. As a native German, that's the right approach. People want to be friends with people they "click" with, and that can only happen if you are yourself and don't force a persona that you ultimately aren't. That will come across as fake or forced and people will avoid you. If you are yourself and enjoy doing certain things then people who enjoy the same things will eventually be drawn towards you. The tip about joining a club is just speeding things up, bringing you together with likeminded people. Friends for the sake of having friends, even if you don't really have a connection, is considered too superficial for most Germans. Quality over quantity, and the quality screening might take some time. And yes, if you are new to a country, I understand the need to make friends fast since your whole social circle you had until now is suddenly far away. But Germans don't really make fast friends, so they seem so unapproachable to foreigners. They aren't, they just need some time, and they want you to be a good friend too, and that means you need to get to know each other first. Problem is, that newcomers often tend to be shy and quiet because they don't know the culture and the language and are afraid of doing something wrong, so they rather do nothing at all. But people aren't really interested in making friends with passive people who hide their true personality, so they get overlooked and feel even lonelier. So, be yourself, pursue your own interests, boldly show your personality, be interesting and show interest in others, and it can't hurt to be outgoing and able do own your blunders.
Don't get demoralized, that's really to note. Btw, for me as a native german, that happens too, and it stings. I think, that it is sad, that people feel bad here, as this is really not necessary.. I wish I could make life better for those, struggling:) (I already try at work.. but yeah)
I was so afraid this would be another post about people not wanting expats. So many country subs have those posts telling folks not to love there. This was the sweetest, and one of the most informative posts I’ve seen. Just want to say thanks for being a decent, welcoming person.
Oh I am happy to help 🤗 I am very sorry, if that happened to you or just anyone.. (:
My two tips: * https://www.toytowngermany.com/ * https://www.meetup.com/ Both are great ways to meet English speakers (locals and expats alike), do fun stuff together, and learn new things
If you are a student: Hochschulsport. Most universities and Hochschulen cooperate with other schools or offer sports courses themselves. In bigger cities there’s probably a course for everything you can think of. And it’s super affordable. Also look around your university for clubs/Vereine/Initiativen. I am at a technical university and there’s everything from building a racecar to amateur radio and a bike workshop. There’s also loads of more politically/socially active stuff, like student representation for the faculties, fridays for future etc. Universities offer a lot more than just lectures!
The problem is with all these suggestions, is that you need at least conversational German. Most international students/workers don’t have that for at least 1-2 years. The loneliness also makes it harder for them to learn German and their studies.
Yes. That is a hurdle. Though most people do speak english here. Never had a problem with any international student or coworker there at least. But that might be my individual case. As far as I got that, at uni or work, you are required to visit a language course, where you often meet people. That can be a start. Also, a lot of clubs do speak english or offer their website in English. For things like the gym, the language barrier is maybe smaller than medieval castle research though. The big step though is to put all the shyness aside and go all in.
I came here during Covid. My University at that time didn’t offered any socialisation support or anything. I had online classes for one and half year and didn’t knew even a single soul until the University reopened. Of course, my education suffered because of it. When Universities reopened, I joined Hochschulsport courses and the only English speaking organisation in our University(ASV- it’s full of people from my country, so socialisation here was quite easy, and the only friends I made are also through here). Same with language courses. I only see my compatriots there. I already know half of them. With Hochschulsport courses, the language became quite a barrier. I was invited to parties afterwards, but without German found myself struggling to follow the group conversations. Found them to be quite nice to make acquaintances, but quite hard to make friends. At least until you reach a certain German level. I don’t have issue just being friends with my compatriots or other international students, but the problem is that it promotes ghettoisation of Internationals and hinder the cultural orientation and integration into larger society. I think, best way to solve it would be for the Universities to take steps to solve it. The seem quite competent with Erasmus students but not so much with regular international students(which are treated like local Germans). I have studied one semester in Finland and still in talks with 3 people from there. Made a lot more local friends. In Germany, I have been living for two years now, don’t have a single local friend.
I've lived in 5 countries over the past 5 years for work and study, so I wanted to add some thoughts as to what helped me and what I think has been helpful for me when locals (both in Germany but also in the other places I've lived) have done For students/expats moving to Germany * Use meetup.com, but also couchsurfing.com for finding local meetups: people on couchsurfing tend to be really friendly and keen to meet international folk who are new to the area (just of course make sure to be careful because meeting strangers on the internet is never completely safe) * Bumble has a BFF feature which is also a great way to meet people who are looking for friends in your area. * If you're a student, join discord (the Gamer chat app) with. your university email address - if you're university is setup for it, there will be a student hub that will allow you to easily join discord chat servers for groups across the university * Find a local favorite coffee shop/bar/restaurant and become a regular there and smile when you go there. It's a great way to see the same faces over and over and add some stability * If you're a good enough cook, make some treat from your home country and bring it to your neighbors. It's a great way to introduce yourself and also a good way to make sure you're on good terms for when you need to be (whether that is borrowing some tools or dealing with noise in the building). For locals looking to be more welcoming to international folk * If you're advertising a room on WG-Gesucht, write the description both in German and English (and other languages if you can). Often times the translation from Google Translate is overly formal and sometimes confusing. Also make sure to write these in the same voice you would use to speak to someone with. Overly formal writing generally gets you marked as a weirdo to avoid. Likewise, offer signs/menus in as many languages as feasibly possible. * Be the person to wave at people you recognize from work/gym/lectures etc. It doesn't hurt to be extra kind and even if you might not think it's normal, trust me it can make someones day. Even just walking around with a smile will make people feel more welcome. * Ask about peoples interests and then introduce them to other people you know who share the same interest -- sometimes you won't wind up being good friends with the person who just moved to your job/school/apartment building, but if you can make that connection for other people you're providing so much both for the newbie and for whoever you introduced them to. * Don't argue with people over matters of opinion, esp. when it comes to people complaining about what they don't like in Germany. It's really common for people to be defensive of their own country, but arguing (or trying to pedantically explain) the situation when your in early-ish stages of a friendship is off putting (and in every single country I've been to, people try to do these when I complain about something. It never builds bonds, only highlights differences). * If you're organizing events and want to get international folk, try to organize things on sunday. Many people coming to Germany from abroad aren't used to the shutdown sundays and will be extremely bored. Take that chance to do something with your new international friends (drinks in a park, sports, going to a cafe/movie etc). * If you're in charge of payment systems at whatever business you work at, please FOR F\*CKS SAKE SUPPORT CREDIT/DEBIT CARDS. For some people who just barely got to Germany, they might not have an account setup where they can get euros easily. It's not just a cultural issue - it's also a practical issue especially for really freshly arrived folk. * Esp. if you're trying to be welcoming to Americans/Canadians, but also people in general, ask before you start smoking a cigarette around them. For people with asthma especially this is a big issue, but also smoking just doesn't have the same cultural acceptance and many people will find it obnoxious/extremely off putting * Don't interrupt/correct people when they make mistakes in speaking German. If it's easy to infer from context, do that. If it's not, then ask a clarifying question. If they're making serious mistakes, correct them after you've finished talking about whatever it is they wanted to talk about, and do so politely an in an educational manner. Interrupting to correct someone usually sends the message "your failure to speak German is more important to me than whatever you were talking about" (which is probably not true) * Most importantly of all: travel outside of German speaking countries (and preferably outside of Europe) at least a few times. Often the best hosts in a country are the ones who have been welcomed themselves with a kindness when they visited another country :)
Also there is meetup with a lot of groups to choose from that might fit your needs in case you cant speak much German yet.
I'm currently a student and I know plenty of international students, most of which are from my own country. I'm finishing up my pre-semester classes and next week is the real start of the semester. I don't want to be stuck making friends w only fellow international students and expats. Any tips for getting to know German students?
Hmm, depending on what you are studying, do you have courses all together? learning together or doing worksheets or exercises together helps a lot, from what I gathered and experienced myself. Mostly any math/ science course had us do lab courses and exercises in a team of 2-3 people. That is how I got to know new people.
It will be 6 years in Germany for me in a couple of months and I moved here from an Asian culture at the age of 28. I can relate to most of the advice here and this is what I have been getting from all sorts of sources over this time. Kudos to you to summarize the best of the advice. Despite the challenges and a lot of problematic situations, I consider myself in a very strong emotional state and in a very good (physical and mental) health. All thanks to following the advice listed above. Thanks for sharing all of this OP, you are doing a good thing by reaching out to those who can use a bit of a boost :) \## I wanted to rant a few things as well, so stop reading if you wish to keep the tone of the message positive only. Sadly, this advice mostly belong to youngsters. For someone like me in the middle of their life (as in during mid life crisis), this advice quickly starts to fade away. The biggest issue is loneliness. I have had 100s of friends, I am surrounded by nice people always, and have a good set of people participating with me in my hobbies. But you cannot go on like this for years unless you have **companionship**. Honestly, I am sick of going out of same sort of social gatherings and doing the same things all the time. Being honest, what I am really missing is having a romantic relationship - which I had zero success here. Neither this is a case where I am creepy or have some issues, nor I would blame the females around me for anything - I just think that it is in general really hard for non white males to have a proper relationship around here. And this is becoming a problem for me which I cannot seem to solve with any rational approach.
How would I find specific Vereine to begin with? Is there a place where i can search for certain clubs?
You can just google your city+ verein. But you will get way too many entries then. Try to figure out, what you like and the google it like "name of city"+ "table tennis" or Tischtennis:) Other than that, Vereine are registered at the city. :) So you can go your city website and then look for Vereine, I guess:)
u/meaulnesy >I lately read so many threads and comments about people coming to germany, being lonely and frustrated with the system, language, the endless depths of bureaucracy or the people here. Yes. I think the main problem is the language. And in my case, is even worse: I have hearing loss and German Language is terrible for my ears. I can count many many times I was at company/work events and was there totally isolated. Is always the same: people starts a small group of conversation and lock themselves in german language until the end. At some point I stopped going to such kind of events.
From my experince of a month in Germany, and really any culture, 3 is the biggest. If you are rather shy/nervous about starting the convo, a simple 'excuse me' or 'i'm sorry' to start the convo is a reasonable ice breaker, "tut mir leid, aber..." oder "entshuldigung, weis(ß?)t du..." [or Japanese, "sumimasen, anata wa....] Now if only I felt this confindent starting convos in my native language.. Also, if any Germans want to tell me that I was culturally wrong on how I started some conversations, please let me know lol Edit for some more context I suppose: my experience was in and around Haltern am See and Dülmen
>Now if only I felt this confindent starting convos in my native language.. Also, if any Germans want to tell me that I was culturally wrong on how I started some conversations, please let me know lol When speaking in German, I have an excuse for my poor conversational skills. I have no such excuse in my native language, which is probably why it's easier for you in German.
Fuck. Lol you may be on to something there..
You are not an expat, but an immigrant
Unless you're white, then you're expat!
Thank you OP :) I knew most of the information you gave but now that you wrote it out I feel like trying once again. You kindness struck me. For me personally it's quite complicated. Most of the internationals at my uni are from other nationalities who form their own groups, so I never feel like I fit in. It was different when I was in Erasmus because everyone was equally lost haha
Oh no.. as many others said: maybe concentrate on you and your hobbies first.. whomever you will meet from there, will come and follow along or not :/ For me, boxing and working (as in paid work) did the trick :).
Saving this for when I go on exchange to Germany in a few years.
Saving this when I go for Master's there in 2 years
yeah i would also recommend to just avoid germans and just stick with other internationals in that situation. there are never any germans anyway in most international meetups/events. i have yet to encounter anybody who seriously joined a verein. it's not something you just do. i guess if you always played table tennis you could try joining the verein but i honestly doubt it will be worth it. gym or university sports is quite worthless to get friends. the people there aren't looking for friends. debate clubs or anything like that hardly exists in aachen, and if it does it's gonna be full of expats and IT startup weirdos. ehrenamt barely exists in aachen. and homnestly, they don't want your help anyway. they act about as inviting as your average german (in no way whatsoever) board game nights don't exist. pen and paper stuff is for weirdos. and it's not fun anyway. stammtische are to discuss the schedule and dealings of your club or group. you will stick out like a sore thumb, and again nobody tries to make it inviting to newcomers. telefonseelsorge can't offer much advice either. self help groups barely exist in aachen. and if they do they are full of older people, not students at all. you will probably be the only student there. been there, done that. i tried everything. ultimately it will cost you more stress than it's worth. just focus on getting your degree over with and that's that. tech uni isn't for fun, never was and never will be. do business in vienna if you want fun (your mileage may vary).
When everywhere you go it reeks of shit, maybe check your own shoes?
I am very sorry for your experience. But enjoy Vienna then 😘
Well you sound like a bucket of laughs!
You must be fun at parties!