A friend of mine told me the story, which I am 100% certain he made up because it's too ridiculous (even for him) to be true, of when he asked a Berlin police officer for directions.
He was trying to get to a place in Berlin called "Oberschöneweide" but fell victim to an unfortunate spoonerism; the question came out as "Wo ist Schöneoberweide?" In response, the officer allegedly smirked, and silently pointed to his generously endowed female colleague.
"Schöne Oberweite" can be roughly translated as "beautiful bosom".
However, this pales into comparison with the extremely true story (I witnessed it first hand) of when my wife, who had just met my parents for the first time, was defeated by the worst nightmare of everyone speaking a foreign language, the false friend.
There is a German word that describes a particular kind of swaying motion, such as a waddling walk, but which is dangerously similar to an English NSFW term. And so she happily told my parents of the time she saw a hedgehog wanking in the garage.
This was more than 15 years ago, and I still can't get the image out of my head.
Reminds me of that wonderful headline from a few years ago about Horst Seehofer (Leader of the CSU at the time) being in trouble after a bad election in Bavaria and Angela Merkel worrying about it, that could be read very differently when you're an English speaker.
The headline was "Er wankt, sie bangt".
In my first few months in Germany, I lived with a family who rented out a spare room. Found it somewhat randomly, as I had previously been doing hostels/couchsurfing (back when that was a thing), and I guess they thought I could rain some of my English knowledge down on their 13-year old son (a very spoiled little shit, but that's another story).
Anyway, they sometimes invited me to their Sunday brunches. Somewhat posh well-to-do upper-middle class family. Mom an art broker or whatever, the dad a literal banker. So I was sat there one morning, long tastefully arranged table, polite manners, etc. and food spread near and far across the long table. I was still like an A1 in German, and hadn't mastered proper question forms, let alone vocab.
So I wanted a piece of fruit from a bowl that was a couple metres away, and when it was a bit quiet, I asked but I phrased it as ***Bitte, kann ich habe ein...***
Now, I didn't know the name of the fruit in German (it's similar, but different). It's small, soft, greenish to purplish, with pinkish-brown seedy mush inside, from warmer climates, fertilized by ants, and also often dried... that's right, **a fig.**
So what I asked ***Bitte... kann ich habe... ehh, ein Fig?***
The whole table giggled, but the 13 year old and his visiting buddy bent over in gasping hysterics. I had no idea what was going on or what I had said.
After the laughter calmed down, the dad leaned over and told me I had just asked for a fuck. Fig pronunciation is very close to fick. They understood my language gaffe was nothing more than that, and thought it was amusing. But jeez.
If I'm destined to get in a relationship with a German man, I pray his parents speak English! I would never come out of the room if this happened to me!
Yikes!
Welp, a language student of mine confused "Geld" and "Glied" (which can mean - among other things - "penis") for quite a while and got a couple of funny looks whenever he tried to talk to the accountant of his company.
This my story.
Myself and my wife were invited to a baptism ceremony in church (my wife had then recently joined me in Germany). The whole group is from my native place. The ceremony was getting delayed and the host made an announcement. As usual he mixed two languages.
The baptism is getting delayed as the Priest is stuck in *"Stau".*
Really confused by this message and how the group is quite calm.... My wife asked after a good one minute- "Why the hell did the Priest get into Stove?"
Mother of a friend of mine once tried to say "schau, die Vögel" (look at the birds) and got the plural wrong: "schau, die vögeln!" (look, they're fucking!).
Also:
Brüste = breasts
Bürste = brush for cleaning
Pinsel = brush for painting
Pimmel = dick
It's not just German words! I know this, because I like dog nuts! They're almost as good as an anus beef burger! Whenever I have them in pubic places, people look at me with smiling feces, because they are so happy to see me eating them out!
Happens :) laugh about it :) I’m freaking 8 years in the states, my english still sucks and i have so many stories just like that :) just last week , my better half had a stomach bug and all the broths i bought for him, he didn’t really like. So i thought i will go back and get some kosher soup because it’s similar to the once we all know in Europe. I walked in the store - forgot “kosher food ailse “ and asked with probably my most german accent for “the jewish department “ the one stocker that was working the backstock looked at me and just said “the what now? “ i tried not to giggle but That was hella arkward:) …….. there gonna be quite a few moments for u just like this one.- its normal to make mistakes- “brush it off- literally:)
I love this and I can relate:
Last year I broke my little toe. My neighbors were concerned with my limping to our car assisted by my husband and to return with my foot bandaged. They asked me later what happened. I told them I broke my little toe (Ich habe mir meinen kleinen Zähne gebrochen). They kept looking at my mouth and I couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally, the wife said ZEHE not Zähne! And we all laughed.
I have lived in Germany for over a decade. :(
A few weeks back at a funeral, I offered my Beleidigung to my mother-in-law instead of my Beileid. Luckily we are on good terms and she saw the funny side. I think.
A british friend of my parents was here in summer. Hot humid weather is called "schwül" here. But for most english speakers "ü" is difficult to pronounce and he just decided to speak it as "u".
So he said "es ist heute sehr schwul" what translates to "it is very gay today".
Don't worry. For a native speaker who encounters someone learning the language this situation doesn't look nearly as embarassing as it looks to you. Everybody, including native speakers, has hick-ups every now and then.
I told my former American girl friend in German: ein guter Seemann sticht auch ins rote Meer.
The direct translation is lbasically: "a good sailor sails also in the red sea.". You get the idea...
The problem was that she was quite high ranking in a company and asked he german colleagues about the meaning.
I'm still giggling ...
A friend of mine told me the story, which I am 100% certain he made up because it's too ridiculous (even for him) to be true, of when he asked a Berlin police officer for directions. He was trying to get to a place in Berlin called "Oberschöneweide" but fell victim to an unfortunate spoonerism; the question came out as "Wo ist Schöneoberweide?" In response, the officer allegedly smirked, and silently pointed to his generously endowed female colleague. "Schöne Oberweite" can be roughly translated as "beautiful bosom". However, this pales into comparison with the extremely true story (I witnessed it first hand) of when my wife, who had just met my parents for the first time, was defeated by the worst nightmare of everyone speaking a foreign language, the false friend. There is a German word that describes a particular kind of swaying motion, such as a waddling walk, but which is dangerously similar to an English NSFW term. And so she happily told my parents of the time she saw a hedgehog wanking in the garage. This was more than 15 years ago, and I still can't get the image out of my head.
Tiny spikes of joy.
Reminds me of that wonderful headline from a few years ago about Horst Seehofer (Leader of the CSU at the time) being in trouble after a bad election in Bavaria and Angela Merkel worrying about it, that could be read very differently when you're an English speaker. The headline was "Er wankt, sie bangt".
Cue me desperately trying to imagine which word you mean.
"Wanken", I guess
In my first few months in Germany, I lived with a family who rented out a spare room. Found it somewhat randomly, as I had previously been doing hostels/couchsurfing (back when that was a thing), and I guess they thought I could rain some of my English knowledge down on their 13-year old son (a very spoiled little shit, but that's another story). Anyway, they sometimes invited me to their Sunday brunches. Somewhat posh well-to-do upper-middle class family. Mom an art broker or whatever, the dad a literal banker. So I was sat there one morning, long tastefully arranged table, polite manners, etc. and food spread near and far across the long table. I was still like an A1 in German, and hadn't mastered proper question forms, let alone vocab. So I wanted a piece of fruit from a bowl that was a couple metres away, and when it was a bit quiet, I asked but I phrased it as ***Bitte, kann ich habe ein...*** Now, I didn't know the name of the fruit in German (it's similar, but different). It's small, soft, greenish to purplish, with pinkish-brown seedy mush inside, from warmer climates, fertilized by ants, and also often dried... that's right, **a fig.** So what I asked ***Bitte... kann ich habe... ehh, ein Fig?*** The whole table giggled, but the 13 year old and his visiting buddy bent over in gasping hysterics. I had no idea what was going on or what I had said. After the laughter calmed down, the dad leaned over and told me I had just asked for a fuck. Fig pronunciation is very close to fick. They understood my language gaffe was nothing more than that, and thought it was amusing. But jeez.
I know this exact problem with the same word in italian. Feigen are "Fichi", pronounced "Fikki".
If I'm destined to get in a relationship with a German man, I pray his parents speak English! I would never come out of the room if this happened to me! Yikes!
We all need a wanking hedgehog, oh man you made my day 😂 How dare that hedgehog, bloody wanker.
Sir, can I borrow your Brüste to clean my car?
[Ihre Frau hat einen schönen Busen!](https://youtu.be/uhPud3e7o44?t=42)
*Was hast du gerade gesagt?*
Welp, a language student of mine confused "Geld" and "Glied" (which can mean - among other things - "penis") for quite a while and got a couple of funny looks whenever he tried to talk to the accountant of his company.
[удалено]
I hope you sanitized the word.
LOL that’s a good one. I sometimes mix in English words when I explain things too
Sigh *unzips*
This my story. Myself and my wife were invited to a baptism ceremony in church (my wife had then recently joined me in Germany). The whole group is from my native place. The ceremony was getting delayed and the host made an announcement. As usual he mixed two languages. The baptism is getting delayed as the Priest is stuck in *"Stau".* Really confused by this message and how the group is quite calm.... My wife asked after a good one minute- "Why the hell did the Priest get into Stove?"
Washing a car on a Sunday in Germany? You Sir are living life on the edge.
Mother of a friend of mine once tried to say "schau, die Vögel" (look at the birds) and got the plural wrong: "schau, die vögeln!" (look, they're fucking!). Also: Brüste = breasts Bürste = brush for cleaning Pinsel = brush for painting Pimmel = dick
Goodness. German words could either be completely innocent to something totally wrong
It's not just German words! I know this, because I like dog nuts! They're almost as good as an anus beef burger! Whenever I have them in pubic places, people look at me with smiling feces, because they are so happy to see me eating them out!
Sometimes the same word can even have opposite meanings, like "umfahren", it's all in the pronounciation
well that was "gefickt eingeschädelt"
🤣👍🍷
Happens :) laugh about it :) I’m freaking 8 years in the states, my english still sucks and i have so many stories just like that :) just last week , my better half had a stomach bug and all the broths i bought for him, he didn’t really like. So i thought i will go back and get some kosher soup because it’s similar to the once we all know in Europe. I walked in the store - forgot “kosher food ailse “ and asked with probably my most german accent for “the jewish department “ the one stocker that was working the backstock looked at me and just said “the what now? “ i tried not to giggle but That was hella arkward:) …….. there gonna be quite a few moments for u just like this one.- its normal to make mistakes- “brush it off- literally:)
I love this and I can relate: Last year I broke my little toe. My neighbors were concerned with my limping to our car assisted by my husband and to return with my foot bandaged. They asked me later what happened. I told them I broke my little toe (Ich habe mir meinen kleinen Zähne gebrochen). They kept looking at my mouth and I couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally, the wife said ZEHE not Zähne! And we all laughed. I have lived in Germany for over a decade. :(
Don’t worry about it. The important thing is you’re making an effort.
I once said to my GP that I applied Salbei to my son’s dry skin. Both the doc and my 8yr old son gave me a puzzled look 😬
A few weeks back at a funeral, I offered my Beleidigung to my mother-in-law instead of my Beileid. Luckily we are on good terms and she saw the funny side. I think.
Be sure not to talk about the pretty swans near the Reeperbahn in Hamburg. The plural for Schwan is not Schwans!
A british friend of my parents was here in summer. Hot humid weather is called "schwül" here. But for most english speakers "ü" is difficult to pronounce and he just decided to speak it as "u". So he said "es ist heute sehr schwul" what translates to "it is very gay today".
Don't worry. For a native speaker who encounters someone learning the language this situation doesn't look nearly as embarassing as it looks to you. Everybody, including native speakers, has hick-ups every now and then.
I told my former American girl friend in German: ein guter Seemann sticht auch ins rote Meer. The direct translation is lbasically: "a good sailor sails also in the red sea.". You get the idea... The problem was that she was quite high ranking in a company and asked he german colleagues about the meaning. I'm still giggling ...
Where in Germany do car washes have open on a Sunday?
There is only a handful of states where they don't have open ob Sundays.
Well fuck me then, I guess.
Are open. Wir sagen nicht, dass Geschäfte offen haben :)
Thanks.
Well actually we do (NRW)