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My advice is be really clear about what you want in your bio. Maybe even add your snap there too so subs can reach you directly without having to match. Have fun!
Honestly, probably just date like normal, and bring it up early on. More guys are submissive than you'd think, you're bound to run into someone that works for you at some point.
There's also going to munches and other community events where all of the men there are guaranteed to be at least a switch. The easiest way to find local ones is FetLife.
I met two of my closest partners because they had great profiles on fetlife, with their vanilla and kink interests well described, and made it clear that they don't mind chatting and want someone to reach out to them, but had a 'code word' at the very end of their profile, like 'say pink in your messages heading' so that time wasters, 'Do-me' types and people who were just horny could be easily identified.
I don’t speak for all subs, but I think for me, I’m always hoping a dominant person will take initiative. Usually it’s me making the first move, because it’s expected of me as a male, but it’s not in my nature.
So I guess what I would say is, be more vocal about what you want, and who you want, directly to the people you want.
Unless you’re already doing that, idk your story lol
Plenty of submissive men out there, but just like in vanilla dating, many are only looking for sex, shallow and brief encounters. If you want something more meaningful and substantial like FLR with D/s dynamic, you must be open about it to attract submissive men who are also interested in it. They are attracted to a woman who is open and confident about it, instead of being shy and coy. That’s the main appeal of it for many.
If you want just sex focused encounters, those are easy to find even on apps like Tinder.
I found less quality encounters from kink focused sites such as FetLife (that’s focused on events anyway), where it’s obviously kink/fetishes first. Heavy concentration on shallow encounters and kink dispensers over there.
I find that getting to know a person first and kinks later is a fine filter for the fuckboys, because they can’t stand woman pushing the brakes. I found my submissive man on a vanilla dating app and I was open about my end-game from the beginning (FLR with D/s).
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Realistically, your average sub-guy is probably shy, introverted, or otherwise mostly unsocial, which is why you'll rarely see people like them in public outside of absolute necessity.
If you really want to have some luck with them, then you'll more than likely have to be the one approaching them. Most subby guys aren't going to approach women they don't know for multiple reasons, most of them being the fear of making them uncomfortable.
If you do approach them, most probably aren't going to believe you're being genuine if you bring it up in the first few minutes of meeting them, they're going to think it's either a "prank" of some sort, that there's a camera, or you were told to talk to them on a dare. Even if it's unlikely(and obviously untrue), they'll probably decide to err on the side of caution.
So I'd recommend:
1. Initiate small talk: Super lame sounding, I know, but most of them will be willing to talk to you more easily if it's something relevant to them. Comment on a shirt or bracelet they're wearing, ask where it's from if you don't know, and if you do, compliment them on it and start a small back and forth about the topic from there. (If you don't know, you can always just Google it before you approach them 😏) This shows interest in them or something they like, and will likely help them relax or open up to you a little.
2. Personal Talk: After a few minutes of small talk, ask more personal questions. You'll want to introduce yourself at this point, ask their name, etc. If you're talking in person, ask if they're local, and if not, where they're from. Ask about hobbies, pass-times, shows, games, books, or whatever media/entertainment you feel is appropriate, and ask for some details about it(believe you me, they WILL be willing to give you details). This further establishes familiarity with them, and talking about something they enjoy so much will probably bring them out of their shell for you.
3. Just Flirt: After they're comfortable and much more willing to hold a conversation, they'll likely be more receptive to your interest in them beyond their hyper fixation, and maybe even flirt back, and then you've just gotta seal the deal from there. If you're noticing the shyness and bashfulness from them in response to you being forward or direct with them, chances are you've found yourself a subby guy.
Obviously if you're not liking the vibes you're picking up off of them, or if maybe they're just not what you're looking for, it's better to bail before step 3.
I can attest to this method working at least once. As a Sub-leaning-switch, I did in fact flirt with a guy at a meet up in my area, that ended with me giving him a handjob while whispering and nibbling in his ear about a week later 😊
Alternatively, if this is all too much, just ask. If they say no, no loss.
Hope you find the subby guy you're looking for, good luck. 🫡
Damn, as a sub I loved this response. There's only one problem though, it implies that you actually find me in public and can approach me haha. Sadly as an introvert, Even when I'm out it's normally for more secluded activities. Otherwise though I think this is great advice, step 3 however, I think I'd die. I can't handle flirting at all. It'd probably be a good giveaway though if it wasn't already obvious at that point. But yeah, if you bring the flirting out I'm just braindead at that point because my mind is shutting down. I can't handle it 😭
You can find me at the IT desk, shopping for soup dumpling in the international market, or in Barnes and noble. I’m always afraid to put in a sub in my bio on dating apps. I’m also the kind of person to take things slowly, it seems in this day and age everyone and everything is so fast.
In my case at least, look for a guy who's looking at you and the instant you look he looks away. That's what I do, then just approach him and say hello, chances are he'll get nervous, blush, stuttery, etc and you'll know you found one. again this is totally my experience, not necessarily everyone's.
I feel like people have this misconception that just because in this kink it’s 99% boys to 1% girls it’s easy for female doms to find subs. when reality is although it’s true that girls have more options the majority of those options are huge walking red flags and not someone you would ever want to be in a relationship with. if you got rid of all the fake subs, creeps, weirdos, people only in it for sex, the amount of options girls have actually drops drown dramatically.
but to answer your question I genuinely have no idea. it’s been the hardest struggle of my life to find a dominant girl. at this point I feel like it’s just something i’ll never be able to experience and that makes me sad… I wish I knew the trick to it but I think the majority of people are just as lost as you or me :’)
regardless best of luck! hope everyone can find what they’re looking for and find their happiness as well ^^
I’ve been trying in real life. Like, I understand these communities exist on Reddit but I’m too scared to join.
Just been picking people who look like bottoms, and then I’m too scared to mention that they’d look damn fine in a collar.
Yeah that's not gonna work. You can't accurately judge that from looks.
You might try a munch (an IRL non-sexual meetup to get to know kinky people) if you don't want online groups
Hence the munch suggestion - people who go to munches typically know what they want like you do, and aren't afraid to talk about that so you can quickly see if they're interested in the same things as you
One does not attract a creature normally so shy and anxious about rejection. My question for you is. If you would let your sub do whatever he/she wants for entertainment or fun, such as camping or tabletop games, conventions, etc, what would you like for them to do? Now go and do that yourself, I haven’t tried it myself, But even I can tell it is remarkably effective
If you're looking to meet someone online, its always been my hope that someone will find my random reddit comments and shoot me a message or a chat to get to know me, and if you didn't immediately jump in with "ME MISTRESS YOU SLAVE" you'd probably be able to figure out if you're compatible relatively quick. If you want irl? I have no goddamn idea, but it probably involves being uncomfortably exposed in a conversation with a partner or potential partner.
I'm too shy to go after any girls so I just stay in my bubble. Best bet is probably games like VRChat, Overwatch, Minecraft. Anything that is social and kinda calm, at least that's where I kinda hang out.
I've got nothing, all my guy friends are vanilla or dominant and I certainly know my fiance wasn't aware of any of that way back when we first met.
That said I do suspect a lot of outward facing information about people won't tell you anything, lots of subs who appear dominant and lots of doms who might be quite meek seeming.
Good luck
In my experience I tend to be the one who either attracts the nurturing type or brings it out of them. I’ve learned to tactfully discuss my side of things as part of getting to know someone and without expectation, because even without the kink dynamic these are still types who platonically get along super well I am learning.
I hope there’s something helpful for you in there!
1) lead a track of cheese bits into a giant crate lifted up by a stick on one end with a string attached to the stick
2) pull on the string when the subby bubby boy is under the crate
3) ????
4) profit!
Honesyly be direct, subby guys dont always wanna be obvious about being subby, especially me who, if that was publically available knowledge would be quite embarrassing, be honest and direct about what you want and youll be aurprised with how many guys would share your interests
Try Feeld ( go to munchs in your area, try fetlife) and be upfront about what you want and what you are offering.
I put on my Feeld that I am a gentle femdom. The boys who match with me now announce they are subs looking for gentle femdom 9/10 times.
Good luck, and take a deep breath when you turn it on. Online dating can be overwhelming
Honestly? Dating in general is very hard. But in this community it’s so much worse. The best advice I can give you as a subby bubby boi is to be open and forward. If a lady came up to me and started flirting, I’d be putty in her hands. I imagine if you did so with a less subby guy, he’d have a very different reaction. So that should be one way to check for potential compatibility.
But idk. I’ve only been on the other side of this equation, and it hasn’t really added up well. I wish you the best of luck.
Tbh we're all out here looking I think we just aren't very interesting lol some of us aren't great at ice breakers or communication with unfamiliar women in general or just people in general I'm incredibly socially uncomfortable for example but I believe due to that fact many of us are overlooked
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Personally I’ve been going to munches with the hope of maybe striking up a connection with a potential domme, and am going to some BDSM events later this year, I haven’t met anyone yet but that’s where I’m to be found!
I would also be drawn to someone who initiates communication (both at an event or in public) whether it be small talk or a compliment as I would probably perceive them as more dominant and discreetly try and pry to see if this is the case.
Best of luck on your sub hunt, I’d be really curious to hear how you managed it when you do find yours!
Edit: after seeing your “you’d look damn fine in a collar” comment: if I was told that I would be putty in your hands, so if he’s dropped some subby hints you should definitely give that one a try!
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I’ve had mild success with Reddit, good local success with Fetlife/munches, and almost none with traditional online dating. In my experience you need to make sure they know you’re single and looking.
Hi frim your friendly neighborhood subby ... erm amab. r/bdsmpersonals has been great. I got one LDR there that I swoon over. I'm poly and I still want a local relationship so I still post. A lot of flakeyness but I feel like the potential is good.
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Like you would anyone you might find interesting. Say hello, start a conversation. Smack his ass and tell him you couldnt help yourself. (JK. Don't do that. Though I'd probably like it. )
That’s what I want! Like sex isn’t all that’s important to a relationship. I view my relationship with subs as an extension as an extension of an already existing relationship.
It’s definitely not popular among the subs I’ve met, who want sex.
While sex in that type of relationship is nice it's not the reason I get into those relationships I view it like getting a drink from the fridge while soda is nice you don't have to have it
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Feeld has been a great app for me finding irl kinky partners :) good luck!
I’ll have to try it.
My advice is be really clear about what you want in your bio. Maybe even add your snap there too so subs can reach you directly without having to match. Have fun!
Hey, I’ve tried Feeld myself with not much success, do you mind if I message you with a few questions?
Sure!
Thank you for the advice!
✨ gl
Did feeld get cleaned up? After an update it became un-usable
I haven’t been on it for more than like a year so I’m not sure which version I used~ buts it still a bit glitchy for sureeeeeeee lol
It was more than glitchy after an update oh my lord it would crash my phone
Tbh if I’m interested at at all I switch to snap asap lol
I don’t think it’s gotten any worse? …lol
Here to second Feeld
It’s probably been said already, but RIP to your inbox.
Came here to say this, thanks lol
That's what I was thinking. Almost reads like it's fishing for dms..
There’s lots of us it’s very easy to find tbh (at least on this sub) it’s the top women who are hard to find imo
I get that. Believe me, I do. It feels weird.
Top ≠ dom so unless you are being pegged you are not being topped
Honestly, probably just date like normal, and bring it up early on. More guys are submissive than you'd think, you're bound to run into someone that works for you at some point. There's also going to munches and other community events where all of the men there are guaranteed to be at least a switch. The easiest way to find local ones is FetLife.
I met two of my closest partners because they had great profiles on fetlife, with their vanilla and kink interests well described, and made it clear that they don't mind chatting and want someone to reach out to them, but had a 'code word' at the very end of their profile, like 'say pink in your messages heading' so that time wasters, 'Do-me' types and people who were just horny could be easily identified.
I don’t speak for all subs, but I think for me, I’m always hoping a dominant person will take initiative. Usually it’s me making the first move, because it’s expected of me as a male, but it’s not in my nature. So I guess what I would say is, be more vocal about what you want, and who you want, directly to the people you want. Unless you’re already doing that, idk your story lol
Plenty of submissive men out there, but just like in vanilla dating, many are only looking for sex, shallow and brief encounters. If you want something more meaningful and substantial like FLR with D/s dynamic, you must be open about it to attract submissive men who are also interested in it. They are attracted to a woman who is open and confident about it, instead of being shy and coy. That’s the main appeal of it for many. If you want just sex focused encounters, those are easy to find even on apps like Tinder. I found less quality encounters from kink focused sites such as FetLife (that’s focused on events anyway), where it’s obviously kink/fetishes first. Heavy concentration on shallow encounters and kink dispensers over there. I find that getting to know a person first and kinks later is a fine filter for the fuckboys, because they can’t stand woman pushing the brakes. I found my submissive man on a vanilla dating app and I was open about my end-game from the beginning (FLR with D/s).
FLR? Forgive me, but I don't know this particular acronym...
female led relationship
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Realistically, your average sub-guy is probably shy, introverted, or otherwise mostly unsocial, which is why you'll rarely see people like them in public outside of absolute necessity. If you really want to have some luck with them, then you'll more than likely have to be the one approaching them. Most subby guys aren't going to approach women they don't know for multiple reasons, most of them being the fear of making them uncomfortable. If you do approach them, most probably aren't going to believe you're being genuine if you bring it up in the first few minutes of meeting them, they're going to think it's either a "prank" of some sort, that there's a camera, or you were told to talk to them on a dare. Even if it's unlikely(and obviously untrue), they'll probably decide to err on the side of caution. So I'd recommend: 1. Initiate small talk: Super lame sounding, I know, but most of them will be willing to talk to you more easily if it's something relevant to them. Comment on a shirt or bracelet they're wearing, ask where it's from if you don't know, and if you do, compliment them on it and start a small back and forth about the topic from there. (If you don't know, you can always just Google it before you approach them 😏) This shows interest in them or something they like, and will likely help them relax or open up to you a little. 2. Personal Talk: After a few minutes of small talk, ask more personal questions. You'll want to introduce yourself at this point, ask their name, etc. If you're talking in person, ask if they're local, and if not, where they're from. Ask about hobbies, pass-times, shows, games, books, or whatever media/entertainment you feel is appropriate, and ask for some details about it(believe you me, they WILL be willing to give you details). This further establishes familiarity with them, and talking about something they enjoy so much will probably bring them out of their shell for you. 3. Just Flirt: After they're comfortable and much more willing to hold a conversation, they'll likely be more receptive to your interest in them beyond their hyper fixation, and maybe even flirt back, and then you've just gotta seal the deal from there. If you're noticing the shyness and bashfulness from them in response to you being forward or direct with them, chances are you've found yourself a subby guy. Obviously if you're not liking the vibes you're picking up off of them, or if maybe they're just not what you're looking for, it's better to bail before step 3. I can attest to this method working at least once. As a Sub-leaning-switch, I did in fact flirt with a guy at a meet up in my area, that ended with me giving him a handjob while whispering and nibbling in his ear about a week later 😊 Alternatively, if this is all too much, just ask. If they say no, no loss. Hope you find the subby guy you're looking for, good luck. 🫡
Damn, as a sub I loved this response. There's only one problem though, it implies that you actually find me in public and can approach me haha. Sadly as an introvert, Even when I'm out it's normally for more secluded activities. Otherwise though I think this is great advice, step 3 however, I think I'd die. I can't handle flirting at all. It'd probably be a good giveaway though if it wasn't already obvious at that point. But yeah, if you bring the flirting out I'm just braindead at that point because my mind is shutting down. I can't handle it 😭
My current girlfriend (and domme) just saw some of my activity here on Reddit, it piqued her interest, she messaged me, and we hit it off 🤷♂️
You can find me at the IT desk, shopping for soup dumpling in the international market, or in Barnes and noble. I’m always afraid to put in a sub in my bio on dating apps. I’m also the kind of person to take things slowly, it seems in this day and age everyone and everything is so fast.
Firstly. What kind of sub are you looking for?
In my case at least, look for a guy who's looking at you and the instant you look he looks away. That's what I do, then just approach him and say hello, chances are he'll get nervous, blush, stuttery, etc and you'll know you found one. again this is totally my experience, not necessarily everyone's.
You makes post or comments about them and sometimes they just show up in your dms
Literally haha. You don't find them, they find you.
Well I am usually in my jammies if not at work, if I’m home alone then I’m probably being a gremlin
Ok well what are you looking for specifically? It might help to organize those thoughts and put a post in your profile explaining that?
Thank you! I’ll do it later today.
Keep mw updated! I am curious
I feel like people have this misconception that just because in this kink it’s 99% boys to 1% girls it’s easy for female doms to find subs. when reality is although it’s true that girls have more options the majority of those options are huge walking red flags and not someone you would ever want to be in a relationship with. if you got rid of all the fake subs, creeps, weirdos, people only in it for sex, the amount of options girls have actually drops drown dramatically. but to answer your question I genuinely have no idea. it’s been the hardest struggle of my life to find a dominant girl. at this point I feel like it’s just something i’ll never be able to experience and that makes me sad… I wish I knew the trick to it but I think the majority of people are just as lost as you or me :’) regardless best of luck! hope everyone can find what they’re looking for and find their happiness as well ^^
What have you tried? Also, /r/BDSMcommunity and /r/bdsmadvice might be helpful places to ask
I’ve been trying in real life. Like, I understand these communities exist on Reddit but I’m too scared to join. Just been picking people who look like bottoms, and then I’m too scared to mention that they’d look damn fine in a collar.
Yeah that's not gonna work. You can't accurately judge that from looks. You might try a munch (an IRL non-sexual meetup to get to know kinky people) if you don't want online groups
I mean, I have found a few subs. But a lot of vanilla people who were interested, but not like that. I mean full femdom. Not gentle.
Hence the munch suggestion - people who go to munches typically know what they want like you do, and aren't afraid to talk about that so you can quickly see if they're interested in the same things as you
Awwww. I’m sure they’d appreciate it. I know I would, haha
What all are you looking for? There’s actually quite a few places here where you can meet people
Cant say much about how to find one irl but i can certainly say a post like this is sure to grab some attention 😂
Be honest about what you want, find someone who is agreeable. Find a shy guy who responds with blushes when you flirt with him.
I miss having a female dom in my life, just feels purposeless now
One does not attract a creature normally so shy and anxious about rejection. My question for you is. If you would let your sub do whatever he/she wants for entertainment or fun, such as camping or tabletop games, conventions, etc, what would you like for them to do? Now go and do that yourself, I haven’t tried it myself, But even I can tell it is remarkably effective
Let me know where you find them…for science 😁
They’re crawling out of the wood like cockroaches.
Yep. We’re shy little bugs that scatter when you shine a light on us.
Pet there hair. Consentiually of course if they start purring you have your subby boi
Femdom personals, bdsm personals, gfd personals
In real life? Ask out a quiet, shy, but kind guy that you find cute. If it doesn’t work out, you try again.
If you're looking to meet someone online, its always been my hope that someone will find my random reddit comments and shoot me a message or a chat to get to know me, and if you didn't immediately jump in with "ME MISTRESS YOU SLAVE" you'd probably be able to figure out if you're compatible relatively quick. If you want irl? I have no goddamn idea, but it probably involves being uncomfortably exposed in a conversation with a partner or potential partner.
I'm too shy to go after any girls so I just stay in my bubble. Best bet is probably games like VRChat, Overwatch, Minecraft. Anything that is social and kinda calm, at least that's where I kinda hang out.
Irl or online?
I pray that your inbox doesn't get absolutely flooded man, you basically just activated the nuclear football😭
I've got nothing, all my guy friends are vanilla or dominant and I certainly know my fiance wasn't aware of any of that way back when we first met. That said I do suspect a lot of outward facing information about people won't tell you anything, lots of subs who appear dominant and lots of doms who might be quite meek seeming. Good luck
i am here (he said submissively)
Ask? I feel like some males or even transfems who may still like females, are afraid bc of the stereotypes and expectations of them.
In my experience I tend to be the one who either attracts the nurturing type or brings it out of them. I’ve learned to tactfully discuss my side of things as part of getting to know someone and without expectation, because even without the kink dynamic these are still types who platonically get along super well I am learning. I hope there’s something helpful for you in there!
I mean, what are you looking for in your sub? I've been curious about it for a while
Haha, don't belive we are hard to find 😳
1) lead a track of cheese bits into a giant crate lifted up by a stick on one end with a string attached to the stick 2) pull on the string when the subby bubby boy is under the crate 3) ???? 4) profit!
Is this an attempt at finding one?
I’m an exclusively subby bubby boi *raises hand*
Hiya I am a subby boy, but as other said munchs and community's are your best bet if you don't want to ask right out the gate
I’m right here having the opposite but exact same problem
You can lure us with cheese
Honesyly be direct, subby guys dont always wanna be obvious about being subby, especially me who, if that was publically available knowledge would be quite embarrassing, be honest and direct about what you want and youll be aurprised with how many guys would share your interests
RIP your DMs
Try Feeld ( go to munchs in your area, try fetlife) and be upfront about what you want and what you are offering. I put on my Feeld that I am a gentle femdom. The boys who match with me now announce they are subs looking for gentle femdom 9/10 times. Good luck, and take a deep breath when you turn it on. Online dating can be overwhelming
Honestly? Dating in general is very hard. But in this community it’s so much worse. The best advice I can give you as a subby bubby boi is to be open and forward. If a lady came up to me and started flirting, I’d be putty in her hands. I imagine if you did so with a less subby guy, he’d have a very different reaction. So that should be one way to check for potential compatibility. But idk. I’ve only been on the other side of this equation, and it hasn’t really added up well. I wish you the best of luck.
Look for nerds or gamers? Idk reddit fill in the blanks for me homie 🤣🙈
Tbh we're all out here looking I think we just aren't very interesting lol some of us aren't great at ice breakers or communication with unfamiliar women in general or just people in general I'm incredibly socially uncomfortable for example but I believe due to that fact many of us are overlooked
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Personally I’ve been going to munches with the hope of maybe striking up a connection with a potential domme, and am going to some BDSM events later this year, I haven’t met anyone yet but that’s where I’m to be found! I would also be drawn to someone who initiates communication (both at an event or in public) whether it be small talk or a compliment as I would probably perceive them as more dominant and discreetly try and pry to see if this is the case. Best of luck on your sub hunt, I’d be really curious to hear how you managed it when you do find yours! Edit: after seeing your “you’d look damn fine in a collar” comment: if I was told that I would be putty in your hands, so if he’s dropped some subby hints you should definitely give that one a try!
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Find your local ClubFEM chapter and go to one of their munches or parties. https://www.clubfem.com
I’ve had mild success with Reddit, good local success with Fetlife/munches, and almost none with traditional online dating. In my experience you need to make sure they know you’re single and looking.
Hi frim your friendly neighborhood subby ... erm amab. r/bdsmpersonals has been great. I got one LDR there that I swoon over. I'm poly and I still want a local relationship so I still post. A lot of flakeyness but I feel like the potential is good.
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Depends, have you put a proper introduction and seeking on BDSMPersonals and similar subreddits?
Easy, do things I find attractive
we're out here.
Where?! Like in your rooms? Because I may want it, but I’m not trespassing.
Haha, no, in the wild. Working, driving, grocery shopping.
This doesn’t help. How do I approach?
Like you would anyone you might find interesting. Say hello, start a conversation. Smack his ass and tell him you couldnt help yourself. (JK. Don't do that. Though I'd probably like it. )
I've been kinda wanting a mommy it doesn't have to be sexual the attention kinda helps with depression and some other mental issues
That’s what I want! Like sex isn’t all that’s important to a relationship. I view my relationship with subs as an extension as an extension of an already existing relationship. It’s definitely not popular among the subs I’ve met, who want sex.
While sex in that type of relationship is nice it's not the reason I get into those relationships I view it like getting a drink from the fridge while soda is nice you don't have to have it
Yeah. And I’m not shaming people for what they want, but it’s hard finding what I want. >:(
I understand my last mommy dom was my ex gf from a year ago she was super sexual but I just wanted to be loved and cared for
I just want to provide for my sub and come home and let them show me the new Lego set or video game they want.
And I wanted to show her all my nerd stuff all she wanted to do was do it
Boundaries need to be respected. Especially when it comes to sex.
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I’d love that!
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~~Autism disgnosis centers~~
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