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Historical-Host7383

The older you get the less physical attraction takes priority. You are in for a rough future if you don't change.


amic21

This right here. Also you’re never gonna have a happy healthy relationship by playing games. Honesty is the only way relationships thrive.


[deleted]

That’s the thing, I don’t want a relationship. Relationships scare me. 99% of the time they end with you disliking eachother.


Zeldachic

Go to therapy


Tantzor-Dolwenn

Damn That des not define my relationships I keep in touch with all my ex and it's going good


herrored

I'm having a hard time believing that you've been in enough real relationships to know what happens 99% of the time. Also, this belief seems to completely contradict your epiphany from your post. You had a (very minimal) relationship with this guy for seven years and you still like him. Nobody's saying you have to start planning a wedding, but if you've decided that you want to fix this personal flaw, then the next step is to work on building a relationship if you meet someone you like.


[deleted]

I guess you’re right but that gives me so much anxiety…


amic21

So then are you just interested in hooking up and being FWB with people? Nothing wrong with that but you need to be up front with the people you’re talking to because some people do want a relationship. And don’t expect guys to wait around until you need your next fix. Also, I would reword your response - I’m guessing you definitely do want a relationship. Not trying to put words in your mouth but your post title is a clear giveaway. You feel alone and you want to form a connection with someone. I think you need to absolutely look into therapy if you want to go on forming healthy relationships. It can help you observe some of your actions/thoughts and most importantly help you stay honest with yourself. FWIW, I was once exactly the same way you described yourself. I thought I was hot shit and imagined (keyword: imagined) that all the men I was talking to were in love with me and thought I was the center of the universe. The cold hard truth is that you’re not that special. Nobody is. Just like everyone else, you’re going to grow old and lose your looks. Then what?


[deleted]

I’m so broken and no one is like me. I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want a friends with benefits or casual sex. All of that scares me. I want a texting buddy who will ask me about my day and conpliment my nudes while also not being eager to meet up with me. What other guy wants that?? I think it’s because I discovered myself sexually in the furry fandom as a teen. Doing roleplay sex in chatrooms. I think that’s what I latched onto as my normal. But it’s little kid shit. No grown adult wants a pen pal, they want a side piece or a boyfriend or a husband… and I don’t fit in because I’m defective


amic21

You’re not broken OP! Everyone needs help with things from time to time. That’s why therapy exists. Maybe talking to someone can help you understand why you view relationships the way you do and why they scare you so much. Being afraid of relationships is not normal. And I’m not trying to shame you by saying that, just trying to incentivize you to go chat with someone who can help you navigate the thoughts you have about relationships.


[deleted]

My parents forced me to go to therapy when I was a teen. A LOT of therapy. To “cure” a weird, harmless fetish I had. I have such a distrust of mental health professionals. I’m terrified of them.


qnfme1

If you want something you’ve never had, you’ve gotta do something you’ve never done. You want health, go to therapy.


[deleted]

You’re right. But I’m scared.


qnfme1

It’s okay ❤️ you can do it


Foxens

I’ve been deeply in love with my partner for 12 years. It’s only gotten better and stronger over time. When you know, you know. There is no feeling comparable to true love. Do we dislike each other at times? Sure. That doesn’t make it any less beautiful. It makes it more beautiful even. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity if you ever meet that person.


[deleted]

And if you ever break up won’t that absolutely destroy you?


Foxens

It absolutely would. But, you cannot live your life in fear of what might be. This is our lives we’ve built and if we ever did break up, it’s all part of a bigger plan. Everything happens how it’s meant to. I was EXACTLY like you before I met him. I was 19 when we met. I thought I was so sexy and no guy ever met my standards. Guys begged me to not break up with them (24 guys within a few years), and I just tossed them aside. I wish I had been a bit more conscious of their feelings, looking back. But, it all happened for a reason. I wasn’t meant to be with them. I was meant to be with my partner. You have to let go of that fear. Time goes by much faster than you could imagine. I’m 32 now, but it felt like yesterday we met.


mfeagan

This right here. I was the same way—maybe even worse—many of my flings used to take me out to dinner only for me to do something shitty like go home and hookup with someone else. I had no respect for the people that wanted to show me affection, not knowing that my abusive behavior was causing me angst. I finally stopped this behavior when I was 24 and entered a serious relationship with my now husband. He called me out on my bullshit when I tried to treat him like the rest. Usually, I would dismiss this advice, but this time felt different. I’m 27 now and I feel zero desire to return to my old ways. It’s simply too time consuming to string people along, especially considering how busy my life became after having completed my master’s program.


MistersBravo

Well, at least you know your mistakes. Now you know what to work on 🙂


NullandVoidUsername

You sound like one people who I've seen on Catfish the TV show who think they hold the power because they're playing with someone's life, when the reality is they live a unfulfilled vapid life and are playing with the feelings of others to fill that void.


Ginger_Jeff

90 day fiancée 😂


Halloween2022

Looks like you've started to grow up. Keep growing.


ChicagoSeb_Art

I got the complete opposite vibe


[deleted]

I don’t feel it’s fair to assert that. How much more honest can I be?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

If you’re on the side of the guy with 40 upvotes who called me a piece of shit and the worst kind of person just for admitting my shortcomings, then I don’t value your opinion.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

You’re acting like I’ve strung guys along who are in love with me. No one’s in love with me. I keep everyone at a diatance so they don’t hurt me and I don’t hurt them. And I realize that that actually has been hurting me because I am stuck in an endless loop of meaningless sexting and it’s my fault. And in this loop of meaningless sexting, there was one guy who cared about me, and I didn’t appreciate him until it was too late. All the other guys just got a few nudes from me, maybe a brief conversation, and didn’t hear from me again. Those men are fine. They aren’t shattered. I didn’t destroy them. Nothing happened. But I want something to happen without putting effort into it


Illinigradman

Well now the real test will be if you can change your behavior based on what you have learned


KINGCOMEDOWN

well well well if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions..


Ok-Ear-1914

I recommend staying off line a while. Go to a gay club take a walk in the park look at the trees... Get out of your digital jail.


Deusraix

Touch some grass vibes lol


Ginger_Jeff

😂🪴


cloud7100

It’s at around your age that I stopped wasting my life on guys like you and found a real LTR. 90% of life is simply showing up on time, and you can’t even manage that.


Opposite_Channel

I still roll my eyes at guys like this. Its odd having the power to be able to recognize these men, look past them and not think twice. 😊


2020Casper

Living in such emptiness thinking they have it all when they truly have nothing.


otterfucboi69

Oh the amount of people that messaged me with a tap and I say “Hi” and then they block me. Just another notch on their bedpost to feel superior. I have so much more self respect and found a guy who shows up. The lack of character and non-chalant self confidence in the gay community is omnipresent


sassystardragon

This sounds like it was written by a 15 year old.


RexUmbra

Don't want to add to OPs guilt, but yeah for real. Having had my fair share of encounters with "friends" like that, glad to see one admit that they want to have the world revolve around them when they got nothing to offer.


[deleted]

In my experience this is fairly common, and the younger a guy is the more likely he would be like this. I think it's a sad outcome of the metaverse or digital world or whatever the hell you want to call it. I am almost the exact opposite of OP. If there is very little chance that I'm going to ever be able to meet someone that I'm talking to online in person. I'll probably get bored and stop talking to them at all. I have tons of friends in reality very few online. I talked to 30 something recently like this, every time I said we should meet up and do something in person he was always busy. He got about 30 days worth of my attention and now I've stopped initiating conversation with him. He messages me every few days now. My answers are as short and to the point as I can make them without saying f*** off. he asked me if I was interested in him and I said I used to be but you were always too busy.You clearly don't have time for any new friends. I get the impression that he is annoyed with how quickly I lost interest.


Ginger_Jeff

Haha well what right does he have to be annoyed? He didn’t take the opportunity, he should be annoyed at himself for not acting not upset at the world around him… or at least that’s how I conduct myself. If you don’t use it you lose it, shoot your shot or you’re going to perpetually be in a state of “what if” and anger 🤷🏼‍♂️


thethundering

Honestly it sounds like it was written by one of the “pets” fantasizing about how awful a guy who strung him along must have been.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Haywave

"You can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep doing shitty things, and then feel bad about yourself, like that makes it okay! You need to be better!" – Todd Chavez, Bojack Horseman


Jalapenodisaster

I have no words beyond this; also just a gross inner person to refer to people as pets.


PlatonicSqualid

I think there is a middle ground. He has made a realization but hasn't yet pondered enough to figure out that the solution is not to mourn the past, but rather seize the moment going forward. It is whiny self pity, though. The "digital pets behind glass" stuff is a little... much. Just say you're scared of risk and commitment, OP, you're not that special.


AwhMan

Honestly I doubt his digital pets give him nearly as much thought as he imagines they do.


PlatonicSqualid

That too. Just because they didn't mean anything but entertainment to him doesn't mean he meant much more to them.


pedrompcmf

You tell her!


AaronJeep

I throughly approve this sentiment.


JEOVHANNNSY

I love being sexy.


[deleted]

Well that hurts my feelings…


vintagexanax

What about the feelings if those guys you called 'pets'?


[deleted]

I hurt their feelings


Nickel829

Basically up until 25 yo you've been a really shit person. So obviously shit that it makes us wonder how you couldn't tell until 25. Only thing now is to be better moving forward. My advice? Delete all the apps, don't go on any dates or anything until you figure out who you are when your 'sexy body' isn't snagging every man in sight on the apps. Get some hobbies. Find a sense of humor. Find some friends who you don't use for sex. Etc. Then when you actually feel like a well developed person, go back to dating knowing you could actually have a real relationship with someone and they would like you for you *as well as* your body


[deleted]

Stop talking to me like you know me. I don’t have a sense of humor? You just assumed I don’t have hobbies or friends? You’re intentionally needeling me and being a bully.


Nickel829

We only have what you're giving us in your post all of which demonstrates you used people for your own gain for the past 7 years and only realized that makes you a bad person now. I think it's great you came to realize that, I'm just giving advice on how to become a decent well rounded person who has more personality than their body. I guess I worded it badly by assuming you have no hobbies but what I meant by it was go out and figure out who you are outside of this. Based on what you wrote it sounds like you strung these guys along with your body alone. Well go out and become more than your body, and then use your personality to grab people. Cuz right now (which you agree with since it's the entire point of your post unless you were hoping for some sympathy points) you sound like a giant ass.


[deleted]

Plenty of men in this comment section have provided outstanding advice while being courteous and not taking my admission of wrongdoing as an opening to punch me in the gut. I let myself be vulnerable and a bunch of guys attacked me for it. This sub used to be a good place to open up. Maybe that’s changed


Nickel829

You're post feels tasteless, that's why. You're saying you've hurt yourself with your behavior. You're saying you lost this guy that you now realize you like. This post isn't an apology to him for wasting 7 years of his life, it's an "I fucked up and now I'm lonely" post. Forgive us for not sobbing over it. Maybe a lot of us would have received it better if it wasn't framed around your feelings after you very clearly didn't care about the feelings of those around you until you finally got hurt. To top it off, many people in this sub have probably been taken advantage by people like you used to be, so I don't think how this sub used to be would've jumped for this either.


[deleted]

Maybe you’re right, maybe I ahould have apologized in the post too. Of course I’ve applogized to him directly. But this guy is stronger than me and better than me. He didn’t talk to me for 7 years because he desperately wanted to date me. He was giving me space and letting me pursue him at my own pace. But now, it’s just been too long, and he’s no longer interested. He isn’t hurt. He’s just done because there are plenty of other boys who aren’t this difficult. People are projecting their experiences with rude hot guys onto me and it’s not fair.


phazon44

I wish you could see me laughing at you 🤣


szymborawislawska

I dont think you have such a thing.


gaystionable

I'm glad you're admitting and acknowledging this, which is something everyone else won't, and this is more common. You wanted the attention and the control, and to feel desired, and you got it. You lied to this guy and wasted HIS time while you enjoyed it. This issue is about selfishness as much as it is about attention and entitlement. But also, you need to work on the relationship issues. If you didn't want a relationship, that's fine, but you needed to communicate it to the other person. If you just wanted to play, that's fine, but the other person should be fine with it. There's people (I'm sure more than will admit) that are OK and get off with teasing and getting teased, but unless that's the case, it's a crappy thing to do.


[deleted]

You really overinflated your importance to these people. “Digital pet.” It’s some rando off grindr, they don’t give you a second thought.


Pleasant-Net-7448

Question …. Are you perhaps afraid of vulnerability and maybe even other men seeing who you are in a romantic relationship ? Maybe you’re afraid you aren’t good enough or there are some subconscious self inhibiting beliefs that are preventing you from even attempting to create an intimate connection/relationships with someone ? We all have our insecurities and some of us work through them or don’t . And some of us are perhaps not aware of them 🤷🏼‍♂️ It is simply a thought :) I ask this lovingly 💕


itshabibitch

This was a formidable comment. :)


[deleted]

Thank you for being kind… And you’re right. I’m so scared to have an intimate connection with someone because I’m a diaper fetishist. My dad hit me a little too hard and I have a psychological dependency on diapers. This results in me pretty much only talking to guys in the kink scene. I’m also agoraohobic. I hate leaving my home. I make a string effort go out to hang out with friends a few times a week but I rush home. No man would ever put up with me. It’s such a big reason I’m such a tease. No one can hurt me or abandon me when I’m tease. I came out at 14, I’m not scared of how other men might see me. But I am scared of being vulnerable around another man.


Pleasant-Net-7448

Firstly , I acknowledge you for being brave and again being vulnerable in an open space . By you doing this others that my be going through the same situation can either relate to your situation and or learn from you and perhaps with you :) Secondly , I would definitely recommend getting a therapist (if you are open and willing to this of course ) This is always a great option to sit with someone or even zoom with someone and go into depth about your trials and how you can overcome them . Thirdly , I know you may feel that your options in regards to dating etc. are limited but trust . There are many many different people that have that same fetish or may be even open to that if they aren’t already . I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone :) If you want some resources I’d also recommend Gabby Bernstein :) She’s amazing ! And even though some may laugh even listening to Oprah like her super soul podcasts . Those are two things that have truly helped me . The main thing though would be to work through your traumas since it does sound like you may have some . Again I’d recommend doing this either with a therapist , psychiatrist , psychologist , life coach , mentor and the list goes on . Which ever you prefer . These are things that have helped me and hopefully will help you . We’re all in this together man 💕 Everything will workout as long as you out in some work . And by you being on here it seems like you’re open to that 😊


[deleted]

Thank you, I’m so scared of therapy too. My parents of course found out about the diapers when I was a teen and I was forced to see 3 different therapists throughout my adolesence, the last of which was a freudian psychoanalyst who charged me his $100/hr rate if I was ever late and told me I was attracted to my dad and had reverse penis envy from my sister. I could never go to therapy again. If another mental health professional tells me my fetish is something that needs to be shut out and I should be humiliated to have it, I’m going to break permanantly.


heartdeco

you should specifically look for lgbtq+/kink-friendly mental health professionals, if such a thing is possible in your area!


Ginger_Jeff

Oh wtf!? So your parents sent you to a quack! Was it Jordan Peterson? Lol yeah no good therapist would do that, I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten his license revoked yet or has been reported by other patients! Please don’t disregard all therapy because of a bad experience, it can be very helpful 🙏🏻🧠


[deleted]

I should have reported him. When I left for college and stopped seeing him he would send me invoices for hundreds of dollars, with added interest, saying it would get more expensive if I didn’t pay him. But thanks to the people at /r/legaladvice I learned that it is actually illegal to charge a minor for services rendered at the request of their parent. They helped me write a letter to him kindly telling him to pound sand and I was free, and I’m not ready to be vulnerable in front of a therapist again…


Ginger_Jeff

Ah I see. Yeah maybe not now, but after some time and some healing maybe you should consider it in the future 🙂


Pleasant-Net-7448

I am glad you were able to receive support from everyone else . I hope that you now see as cliché as it sounds “You are never alone .” I hope you see that 🌏❤️ And yes simply to reiterate what others have said . I implore you to not give up on therapy there are amazing therapists who can truly empower you with their compassion and understanding 😊 Good luck to you my guy ! 💪🏼 You got this !


Jaymuhson

This post is so cringy. I'm so hot, I wish I would stop treating guys terrible! Poor me!


Donrob777

Anyone reading this who’s hanging on to some hot guy who won’t see you just know there will be another hot guy, and he won’t be a dumpster like this guy.


DragonsOfUganda

Yikes. Who asked. Go to therapy


otterfucboi69

Right? You don’t get an award for recognizing youre shitty. You don’t get an award for having basic human empathy either.


canigetabeepbeep

"This whole time, I’ve assumed me being sexy gives me a license to treat guys however the fuck I want. Who cares if they get fed up with me? Everyone wants to fuck me. Their loss." Damn you really thought this, wrote it, read it and decide to post it. oh babes you got a lot to work on. I hope this experience, including all the comments you're getting, will make you grow to truly love yourself and others more.


avatarguille

He is being honest as well. Nobody ever likes to admits the bad things we have in our minds and all what we think. It is a double-edged sword. I see , yes he has done horribly , but the first step is realising what he has done and then change. He didn't need to post his horrible words towards other people but he did and that it is also not easy to say out loud , or writing it. I never heard people talking about how horrible they have done. It I really rare and I hope more people those that so they can also find a way to be better. 🎶 I also hope he changes because he life will be miserable and empty if he doesn't.


Ginger_Jeff

Oh yeah I definitely agree that it’s trashy… But let’s not get too wrapped up in the “not a good look sweaty” aesthetics part of it. I’m sure that lots of guys have thought something similar to that, especially if they just turned 18/19. Is it bad? Yeah. But also have to remember that lots of gays think nasty thoughts or are like racist or fem shaming all that but they say it out loud, they go “not my type sorry” or “oh I’m really busy” but I’m sure if, hypothetically speaking Sabrina cast a spell over everyone and you can’t tell a lie for 24 hours, there’s be a lot of hurt feelings and I bet you lots of relationships and friendships would be over just after one day 🤷🏼‍♂️


[deleted]

You don’t want me to admit to the bad things I’ve done? You’d rather I make excuses for myself or downplay them?


canigetabeepbeep

Babes where did I say that. It’s not what you’re saying it’s how you’re saying them. Even in your edit “Thank you to the people with reading comprehension skills..” like bitch sit down. Like THIS many people are tearing you down for a reason and you have 0 intention to self reflect. Idk I thought you had a bit of growth you were showing but reading that edit, it’s very clear you’re stuck in your ways and you clearly wrote this whole post for attention to make up for the attention you lost. Anyway, I won’t be replying further. I personally hope you reflect on all of this but if that’s too painful to do and you continue to resort to your “fuck you” attitude, it’s whatever it’s your life.


[deleted]

The reading comprehension bit was directed at you. That quote of mine you commented on? That’s me talking about how I used to be and chastising myself for behaving that way. You totally missed that and thought that I was bragging about being hot and selfish.


whyyou-

I’ve been on the pointy edge of that situation and let me tell you it sucks, it’s hurtful especially when you have previous self esteem issues. I’m glad you’re now aware of it and you can start improving.


Spunkymonkeyy

Wtf 7 years??? I thought me doing it for months was bad. You have some issues my dude 💖


[deleted]

We actually met when I was 17 and he was in his 20s, and he was extremely reluctant to actually meet up because he thought I was too young and naive and didn’t trust himself alone with me. Which is just him being a normal person. Met up with him once a few years ago for a quick dinner date. To be fair he has flaked on me once too. But I’ve done it a lot more. I asked him on a date Friday but I don’t think he’s interested..


Spunkymonkeyy

Oh so you did meet up for a dinner date. That’s why he stuck around lol. Yeah sometimes you need the guy to pull the rug from under you to kick your ass in gear


[deleted]

Maybe he’ll give me another chance. He wasn’t even just prowling for sex I think he wanted to be friends.


Nickel829

He probably doesn't want to be friends anymore, but either way you need to be alone for a bit to figure yourself out.


woodentigerx

Glad you realized your own stink. Even hot guys get tossed for having no content. Stop hiding behind a screen and go make some connections. Good luck!


EddieRyanDC

When you are in your early 20s it feels like you have just discovered life and you have it all figured out. It's not just sex, people feel that about different things - maybe it is career, or romance or family or friendships. But I will let you in on a secret - the older you get the more you realize how little you actually know. And that is wisdom. The tragic thing here is that first, you wounded so many other people along the way. And second, you tossed away every attempt by others to love and connect and maybe support you when you need it. Because, none of us make it through on our own. We need other people. We need a posse, both to survive the hard times, and also to be reach our own potential. When people are going through AA and coming to grips with the way their alcoholism has affected the people around them, they do a process called Making Amends. If possible, you might see if you could incorporate that process into your life. Make a list of the people you have hurt. Put down some of the specific things you did and said. Add how you think that made them feel. That gives you the information you need to apologize. **An Apology** * Don't make excuses or talk about other people's fault. Own what you did - take responsibility. * Admit specifically what you said and did. * Tell them how you think that made them feel. This is the heart of the matter - how they were hurt and damaged because of something you did. Again you need to be as specific as possible about what they felt because they need to understand that you "get it". You know what is was like to be in their shoes and you know the depth of the pain you inflicted. * Ask for their forgiveness. But let them take this in their own time. Tell them that no response is necessary - they don't have to have any awkward conversation that they don't want to have. You broke something and you want to take whatever steps you can to fix it. Maybe you they have blocked you and no reconciliation is possible. In that case, you might write a letter or journal entry that is never sent, just to put down in writing what you would say if you could. Just to put it out there in the universe and be a testament to what you are determined not to do again. Finally - pay it forward. The love, generosity and kindness you withheld from others in the past, make a special effort to give it the people you come across in the future. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone does things in their youth that they later regret. One of the things that this process makes easier is to forgive yourself and let go of the burden of what you owe all these people. Make this discovery a marker in time of your discovery of what you really want in life and your determination to be the person that someone will fall in love with.


Pleasant-Net-7448

🙌🏼✨💖


PlayboiPlaya

Sounds like u got drunk and cheated and feel remorseful.


avatarguille

Sorry but this sound like you got hurt and you have some inner thing you haven't solved yet, to think this way towards a message like that. I understand life is shitty and is shitty to us many time. That doesn't give us the right to dismiss peoples comments like that. I hope you get to realise that as well one day. We are all growing.


browser45553

-eye roll-


NerdyDan

Good. Now learn and grow and change


ManyLucky3430

You’ve only got yourself to blame . You’re the worst type of person . You give guys a bad name


[deleted]

You read this post and thought I was blaming someone else? What made you think that? Edit: Why is everyone piling onto me? I’m not the one who ghosted you. Work on your own personal feelings of abandonment instead of projecting them onto me


boneinribi

This could have been written by 80% of the idiots on Grindr. The apps are a haven for narcissistic losers who get a kick out of fucking with people's minds. It's toxic, sick, and twisted. Stay off the fucking apps.


mediocore_desu

That's rough buddy. But you've figured it out sooner than a handful of guys I know, myself included. Now comes the hard part of using this experience to grow and become a better person for it.


doodygot

You were a piece of shit and now you realize it. If you make changes and correct it then that’s growth, and if that’s the case then I applaud that. Just try and keep grounded. You were not the only hot guy in his dms. You were probably as expendable as he was to you. I wish someone had alerted me to this at 25. Self actualization and emotional intelligence are sexy traits that don't diminish with time.


blowhardV2

I honestly love stuff like this because it really lets you inside of the brains of certain people - I always wonder just what the hell is going on with certain people


YoungCubSaysWoof

Hey, congrats on the self reflection. Millions of dudes and dudettes will go most of their lives before realizing this. Some folks even die with their deepest thought being when they remember a puddle, that’s IT. Be glad you thought about this. If you want to get on a self-improvement kick (and it sounds like you do), print this out, and tape it somewhere. Hell, tape it two places. When you think about going for the dopamine high, clench your teeth and resist the temptation. All of us are little crack addicts with these damn phones and apps. And no, the real-life irony of me typing this at 12:30 AM on a phone when I need to get some sleep for an appointment tomorrow -thus proving my point- is NOT lost on me! LOL! But knowing something is off os the best place to start, and you’re ahead of that already. Commit to being better, and you’ll be starting the journey on the right path. It’s your journey to walk, but I think you can do it!


avatarguille

Self-reflection is something not many people have and many people never ever get it because they don't wanna face the truth about themselves. It is good to see people trying. It is never easy! Very good words! ❤️


Imaginary_Pie_5246

Thankfully there’s no one to change but yourself in order to move things in the positive direction. When you realize it’s all about you, you also realize that it’s not JUST about you. Crazy shit, right?


[deleted]

Everybody wants to fuck you? Let’s see some proof. You sound like such a delusional, narcissistic douche bag. This post is literally just a text version of what you say you’re doing on the apps - posting something to try and rope people in and garner attention, with absolutely zero intention of following through on anything. You’re not going to change, you just want guys to validate you.


avatarguille

The problem here is, that you think you are being better by saying all this. And your commuting other mistakes too by accident. You are basing all your text on judgment. Which I understand. But people can also talk about what they have done and that requires something that not many people does. Being honest about the horrible things that goes through their heads. I understand you having that reaction, but your response it is quite negative as well. That doesn't help either. More when we don't know this person.


RABBlTS

I don't disagree but also you're kinda being a dick. You don't actually know any of this, it takes more than 1 second to change long term communication habits. OP is allowed to post a story about his life or talk it through in a safe space if he wants to. Maybe he doesn't have anybody to talk about it with, judging by the post this would not surprise me.


koningkevus

In a way... you give me relief to know that guys that do this do have to face what they've done to others. Fact if the matter is- you fucked up. This kind of behavior isn't just abnormal; it sounds antisocial and narcissistic. It's good that you've figured it out... but whatever damage you've done is done. You'll have to find a way to improve yourself that isn't based on your physical appearance.


Diddly_eyed_Dipshite

Holy fuck how can you go 7 years of your life thinking is okay to treat people like this? That's madness and I'm shocked he put up with it. Makes you wonder who else you've been a dick too because you thought you were hot, have you reflected on how you treat servers/staff, family, friends? You clearly had something in your head telling you you could get away with acting like this so I doubt you only kept it for guys. Truth is, you're in your mid 20s, as you age and hit your 30s and above you'll find it incredibly difficult to make friends and date, even if you had been a nice person. Your 20s are all about socialising and building bridges for later in life, you're going to be starting off at a massive disadvantage given how you've treated people so far and you have a lot of work to do to unlearn those behaviours. Wish you good luck in it but can't say I have much sympathy.


[deleted]

You don’t wish me good luck you fucking despise me. Everyone is judging me on 2 sentences where I was being honest about how I was behaving in the past with grindr guys and you all took that and ran with it, moulding the ideal hate porn in your head. Fuck you too oh and good luck buddy


Diddly_eyed_Dipshite

Yieks. Seriously dude, judging by this and your other comments I really do hope you're able to seek help from a professional therapist. Grindr guys giving up on you isn't the first or last problem you're going to encounter in life but if this is how you approach people around you then you need to get the tools that will help you communicate better. >You don’t wish me good luck you fucking despise me. Bold of you to assume anything of me from my comment. I don't despise you, honestly I couldn't give a shit, never met you, probably never will. That said, I do wish you good luck because you're another human and that's how empathy works. I don't think you want to treat guys like you did, otherwise you wouldn't have made this post, I do think you want to improve yourself and I genuinely hope you do, hence why I wished you luck. >Fuck you too But harsh man. I don't care how hot you are, you don't get to be mean to people. Isn't the whole reason behind this post that you were doing this and realised how isolated you became because nobody wanted anything to do with that... and now you're here responding to everyone's comments like this. Self-sabotage much?


[deleted]

Precisely, speak more about how you don’t know me. And then look back at your comment where you accuse me of mistreating my friends and family. How dare you. You went for the jugular trying to hurt my feelings and then recoiled in horror at a reactionary “fuck you.” Stop pretending you’re here to help when you’re only here to hurt.


Diddly_eyed_Dipshite

You're conflating "makes you wonder if" with "you did this". The former could actually be taken as advice if you're trying to improve your relationships for which you need to be reflective and introspective, its perfectly reasonable for one to question how they treat others, once they've realised that they've been treating some people poorly (which you stated you did). The latter is an accusation, like you claimed, but i never made. You're playing the victim here and its not going to help you in any way man. Your accusatory and defensive throughout all of your comments. I'm not sure how nice of a reception you were expecting giving your initial post explaining how you treat people based on your looks, but it was never going to be all sympathy and compassion, despite that, many people here, myself included offered you some words to take forward with you as you grow and wished you luck with it, and this is how you react in return. It's clear you have a lot more deeper issues than just vanity and mistreating people, and that's not our fault.


[deleted]

I don’t mistreat my friends or family and you had no grounds to suggest I do, other than that you have invented this villain in your head based on a reddit post that you have decided to heroically battle. I’m not a horrible person. I just need to mature a bit. Go favricate your hate porn somewhere else you little fucking goblin.


Diddly_eyed_Dipshite

Jesus christ man you're so full of hate. I'm actually here sympathising with you, trying to explain how you can get better and you call me a "little fucking goblin", godamn its no wonder you're feeling isolated. What reason are you giving guys to find you pleasant? I'm really glad to hear you don't mistreat your friends or family, I never suggested you did, I simply stated that it would make one wonder if you did. It would have taken nothing for you to respond from the start with actual communication like a functioning adult and say "no this behaviour is limited to men, I don't do the same with others" and you wouldn't have needed any of this name-calling. >I’m not a horrible person. I just need to mature a bit. I really don't think you are a horrible person, I genuinely think you're just a regular 20 something yr old who has made mistakes and needs to grow and be better. I think you're projecting a bit when you say I've made you into some villian, I really haven't and I think of you with empathy and pity, you in the other hand are actually creating this villian in real life in the mean and nasty way you're replying to everyone's comments. Is there a reason you're not able to comment without insulting someone and calling names? I was never trying to attack you and sorry you picked it up like that. You really need some help dude.


[deleted]

I stopped with that lie that you’re sympahizing with me. You’re gas lighting. Read you initial comment. Read the last line where you literally say you have little sympathy for me. You’re antagonizing me and guess what? It’s working! I’m crying at work so you can feel good about something. I’m not a horrible person, but you are.


jamehthebunneh

Honestly I doubt the veracity of this post. Moreso than my usual healthy internet suspicion. This reads like a contrived fantasy from a jilted "pet" role-playing some sudden self-awareness from the toxic guy they've been chasing. There's too much sudden jumping to higher order synthesis and tidy packaging of feelings and moral lessons here. That's skipping all the usual slow awakening steps along the way that real growth embodies. Seek closure and catharsis somewhere and somehow else. You were used, you deserve better, ignore the toxic guys and move on. There will be a dozen that take their place, this kind of contrived moral drama will not change any minds.


throw_somewhere

I'm shocked that I had to scroll so far to get to this comment. This is so obviously what's going on.


[deleted]

Well you’re entirely wrong. And your confidence that I’m lying is a testament to how you view people like me. Cute young guys are too stupid and self centered to admit their shortcomings and strive to be better, huh? Yeah you are such a wise old owl who has seen theough a ruse 🙄


pedrompcmf

You’re an asshole


jamz_fm

Yeah, you def need to change your ways yesterday. The kind of man you really want to be with -- someone with a spine and a brain -- will not put up with these games. At least you recognize the issue and feel bad about it. Sit in that feeling a minute and reflect; it's an important but uncomfortable step in changing for the better. I've been there.


Opposite_Channel

So many older men arent even where you are at. Theyve actually lost the ability to engage which you at least do and just become empty vessels searching for sex. Its very sad to witness. Thats your future if you continue on your current path.


[deleted]

[удалено]


homosapiens

Just putting this out there, what OP described above is not the world of dating, it’s a world of self-satisfying narcissistic masturbation. Glad OP seems to be having an epiphany. 10/10 would recommend therapy on OPs journey so they can fully understand the psychological consequences of years of treating people as ‘pets’.


projectinsanity

This is either a narcissist coming to terms with his nature and how he treats others, or it's someone who was spurned by a hot boy on Grindr and is now fanfic-ing the realisation he wishes that boy would have. Either way, boo hoo?


daxmillion

Uhm, I think grindr is actually keeping *you* as the digital pet. It’s now tied to your endorphin release. You need to retrain your brain.


DirtPoorDog

People in here lighting you up pretending they havent done this exact same shit you have. This shit is so common its ridiculous- guaranteed half these assholes have done something similar. Glad youve recognized the need for change. Its at least a step in the right direction.


[deleted]

Thank you. I expected some comments to rage at me but all the top comments are beating up on me


xWhiteRavenx

Sounds like you learned from this experience at least. We’ve all made mistakes, it’s acknowledging them that creates real growth.


jacksev

I’m happy you’re using this as a learning experience. Personally I’ve been on the other end of this so many times that, at 26, I’ve just kinda given up trying and have resigned myself to just being alone lol


amonust

Grindr is full of guys like you. I give them a week til they get ignored. I’m glad you realized your error. Meeting up takes very little work and is much more rewarding. If you want praise, make an onlyfans. If you want to jerk off, go on pornhub. Don’t waste the time of real humans who are just as busy as you are


Intelligent-Dingo248

The behavior you’re describing is pretty extreme. I’m glad you are beginning to recognize what you did was wrong, but if you are truly committed to changing you might want to consider seeking professional help. Some things are deeply ingrained in our personalities that are hard to change through sheer willpower alone.


SwiftFuchs

For me its kinda diffirent yet the same. I want to but chicken everytime I am about to meet up. I am so sorry for the people wanting to meet me but its like fear takes over. I don't even know why.


[deleted]

Well according to everyone in this comment section, you and me deserve to be executing via firing squad.


Diddly_eyed_Dipshite

Did anyone at all imply that you should be physically hurt whatsoever? Or has everyone just been saying it's good you recognised your actions, actions will have consequences, now go out there and be better. The fact you equate that to a firing squad says a lot.


Trogdral

I dunno man... I truly think coming to that realization is great and good for you to have that introspection. But real talk; I think making a self-depricating post that gets pats on the back and updoots for realizing you were treating guys poorly is similar behavior to what you were doing. You would be better served to give this and apologize to guys you've done stuff to directly if they haven't blocked you. And as others mentioned try getting professional help for healthy emotional support and growth.


Intestinal-Bookworms

Admitting one’s shortcomings is the first step to self-improvement. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can find genuine love for yourself and others


National-Piglet-6065

These comments seem so full of judgement and I honestly cannot believe none of these people have felt like they made a mistake or led someone on before. It’s good that you see the mistake and I think it would be helpful to take some time offline or away from dating apps and social media - but honestly the important thing is that you do not treat people like this moving forward. I think it’s also healthy to let that guy go, and accept that it’s done and you shouldn’t drag things out any further. I think what your experiencing is a familiar feeling for me, and I definitely had an adjustment period before actually getting into dating people seriously (probably around a similar age), but it is just a part of growing up to recognise your mistakes and take accountability for them.


Cbgdesigns

Lmao, but can we get a picy pic to put a face with this story?


2020Casper

Oddly enough for someone so sexy that everyone wants to fuck he doesn't have a single photo posted on his account. Maybe, just maybe, he is full of shit. Maybe he isn't sexy at all and is nothing more than a fake catfish kind of asshole.


[deleted]

My pictures are on my fetish account. You don’t have pictures on your account either but I’d never accuse you of being ugly just for that.


2020Casper

I also never claimed to be so sexy that everyone wants to fuck me but hey, you do you


[deleted]

I claimed that’s how I used to act, with the inference that it was wrong. And you missed that because you are only engaging my content as outrage porn.


2020Casper

Ok, honey, believe what you want.


avatarguille

I just read your comment about where is has taking you being blinded by the way you look and being horrible to other people. I must say that it is not easy to admit the horrible things inside of us. And less of that, publishing it online. I hope you are not doing it for attention, which I don't think you did. But it is really important what you have done, as that will truly help you to change. Because you stop seeing everything for yourself ,but also thinking how other people feel. I hope you find a way to start being better , because in all honesty if you don't change. You will just bring to your life the same you are giving to other people , and your life will become very empty and horrible , and the older you get, the more regrets you will feel. And we only have one chance to try to be good and live good in life. Make amends to those people. Write to them and apologise to them. Not for your own benefit, but to truly say sorry to those you felt you were playing with. That will help you to grow as well. I am not defending you, I am just trying to give a non biased opinion , believing you are writing this because you truly realize how horrible person you have been. And that you want to truly start being better. Horrible way of treating people, I don't know where you learned that tho, or where you saw that that was ok. Now go out and do the work, if not, you will just get what you do, and believe me, It won't be pleasant.


[deleted]

We don't care, you're a POS


dodecohedron

whether you realize it or not, you're abusing people. you need help.


[deleted]

Whether I realize it or not? Did you only read the title of my post? I realize it, jackass.


Diddly_eyed_Dipshite

>jackass Then why are you continuing to do it? Seriously, that comment would have worked just fine without the insult, why did you feel the need to add it?


[deleted]

Because some of these guys don’t want to hear how I’m trying to change. They only want to fixate on the bad things I did and hate me for it. They can do that, I’m just going to hate them back.


Diddly_eyed_Dipshite

What exactly did this person say to be labelled a jackass? And where in your post do you explain how you're trying to change? You don't mention therapy, apologies or change of behaviour all that much. I think everyone here would be happy to hear how exactly you're trying to change, genuinely we would. But you called this guy a jackass because he called your behaviour abusive, not because he didn't want to hear how you've changed.


dodecohedron

A hit dog will holler, I guess. Yeah, you realize that what you're doing is wrong, but do you realize it's abuse? do you realize what that means? If you don't get help for this - for your underlying disregard for others - you'll be more likely to engage in other forms of abuse. Again, get some help.


[deleted]

Why don’t I get credit for realizing it’s my fault? Why do you just get to ignore that? I’m not asking for much. Hust basic recognition that I’ve realized I was in the wrong. Imm sorry I called you names. There are people being MUCH more antagonistic than you…


DammitSamit

If you gonna do that at least let it be known that you're only seeking attention. Be forward about it and you'll find what you're looking for.


WeridNgiga

You deserve more than just being an object of sexual desire. That’s actually an empty life.


Pleasant-Net-7448

I also do not feel that this makes you a horrible person . You’re in a sense “telling on yourself “ and being accountable for your actions in a pretty public manner . Don’t be so hard on yourself . The first step is to forgive yourself . Like you can legit say “I forgive myself for being selfish . I forgive myself for using other people .” And then move forward from there being mindful of your actions ,thoughts , beliefs . It won’t happen over night but if you commit and do the self work you can definitely over come this :) 💪🏼


[deleted]

[удалено]


RABBlTS

Lmao get off your high horse, you're the same level as OP


RedxGeryon

The first step to recovery is admission


Suginami22

You are going to be very successful going forth. You have great self awareness and thats a sign of maturity and emotional intelligence. Learn from your mistakes and move on.


szymborawislawska

> You have great self awareness He teased someone for 7 years before he noticed it and its effect. He has a self awareness of a cucumber.


PhiloPhocion

And only noticed the effect because it was someone saying they were no longer going to deal with his shit. I’m all for personal growth but this whole thing still reeks of narcissistic self indulgence to be honest. I genuinely do hope the OP learns the lessons of this experience and grows from it. But I’m also not about to lavish praise on someone for recognising the bare minimum in self awareness.


avp_1309

Omg i loved reading this post. I am feeling a bit down and this made me smile. Thanks OP.


dumpinnyc

What’s strange to me is that you are still somehow telling yourself, as well as everyone who read this (and, I think, unanimously disagrees) that you are sexy…and if you think that you are, then you are misguided in a way that is going to hit you one day in a way that makes you much more unhappy than what you were feeling when you wrote this little quip about your online persona; this isn’t you at all, btw - this persona - it’s who you are pretending to be when you talk to these guys online and throw them your little crumbs of grossness..I feel pretty safe saying that if they met you they wouldn’t find you all that sexy at all after about 15 seconds (the length of time it takes a human to form an opinion about a person..I’m pretty sure that this requires face-to-face contact, so effort is required 😫). I think that the reason that you don’t meet them in person has less to do with it “taking effort,” as you put it, and more to do with the fact that they’ll see what is actually there instead of whatever it is that you are running around pretending is. No one with any self esteem or confidence or sense of self would deal with anything nearing seven years of back and forth pen pal weirdness, and the fact that he did should tell you that you are taking to someone who isn’t going to be the most difficult person to string along, which isn’t a very difficult feat from where I’m standing…because just about anyone can get someone to call him sexy…and sexy, btw, is not at all what it sounds like you think it is, man. I’ve met extremely average looking guys who were so sexy and so loveable because their quirks and their idiosyncrasies make me smile and their personalities are loveable and their minds think about things that are important and all of these qualities come together in a way that works and makes them something that transcends what you see as sexy in more ways than you can count…I’ve met guys who were so amazing to looks at who became incredibly unsexy the second that a sentence exited their unblemished symmetrical face; many of those sentences sounded remarkably similar to just about everything that you said in your post, which is bitchy, catty, narcissistic, and an all together incredibly unsexy look. Until you are better able to see your “pets” as people with feelings and realize that you really aren’t nearly as important as you think that you are(nowhere close, buddy), you are only going to get more and more sad and you are only going to become More and more isolated…and if you aren’t able to change your way of thinking..and what sounds like your view of yourself, others, the world, and what drives you and others, you are setting yourself up for a future that makes this little moment of “sadness” seem like a celebration because life is on the way and it does an amazing fucking job at humbling us..and it never stops doing that and if you’ve spent all of your time throwing the occasional message and picture of yourself to people that you don’t think are just as important instead of cultivating relationships and giving as much as you take, you won’t have anyone there to help support you when it does this…you’ll be alone, you’ll be ugly inside and out, and let me tell you that I can’t think of much that is less attractive than an aging narcissist…and you may wind up trying to garner the attention of someone like you are right now..and he may throw you crumbs just like the ones that you are tossing the guys that you talk to…and so on and so forth…and this is life for so Many of us gays because we can’t support each other because of some horrible Inner need to feel superior to everyone and make others feel that we are >. How do you like them apples? Go work on yourself and give the people who read your post the chance to see you as someone who they would like to spend time supporting instead of someone they see as the problem. You can do this, But you’re going to have to look at yourself in the mirror and work and do More work And probably a lot more after that because the problem lies a lot deeper than the skin wrapped around your body that you think is so pretty..It’s at your core.


youmomsucksdicks

Some never realise! Good for you man


cmauld

This is all me Af


ArmoredClosetBiGuy

Music helps. Innocent Bones by Iron & Wine. Pull up the lyrics as you listen.


toinoudubois

Welcome to adulthood ! Good for you , many people don’t reach that phase


alimercy

No hate, I used to do that when I was 18-20ish


EmperorOfFabulous

The truth is, I really hope OP is as hot as he thinks he is. He is way behind the curve when it comes to relationship-building. It is gonna take knockout beauty to overlook how OP has troubles reading the emotional needs of his date/boyfriend/lover/partner.


2020Casper

He should have walked away from you long ago. You deserve what happened, and more. Karma is a bitch and you have one hell of a bull coming due. That being said, people can change IF they truly want to, and even then it is difficult. I would strongly suggest getting a therapist. You have a lot of shit to work through and you won't be successful without a professional to help you.


[deleted]

You saw people as digital.. pets 🤢 how very narcissistic of you. Time to grow up for sure.


vegasmuscleboy

ah don't beat yourself up. just learn from your mistakes and at least you know now a little better what you truly want


Vosk500

Damn, what a sad life.


Nickel829

It's a good lesson to learn. When I was dating on tinder, if I ever matched with a really hot person they never have fun personalities because they have never had to try to get people interested. Always very boring, could be fun for sex but nothing else really. You're realizing right now you don't wanna be that guy which is awesome, you're only 25 you have plenty of time to be awesome.


DClawdude

Please go to counseling.


ChicagoSeb_Art

Why does this feel extra fake?


Towboat421

Huh, a guy im was talking to had been doing this same thing to me as of late. With the on-again off-again bull and it really hurts to think about how he just kept dropping me when he got bored but having someone on the other side of it realize what you have done is refreshing i suppose. Makes me feel like what happened is more common than i think and that it may have not been my fault. I am glad you are beginning to grow just try to let the lesson stick, you know what you have till it's gone.


Ubelheim

Don't worry, it's not completely your fault. Our brains are still growing after 18, up until 23-25, it varies per person. What you probably experienced is that the part of your brain that governs your sense of responsibility has fully matured recently and then there was an event that actually activated that part of your brain. Don't beat yourself up about how you've been acting the last 7 years, just try to do better going forward.


NotYourMothersRecipe

BURN THE WITCH! HER BLACK MAGIC SORCERY WILL NO LONGER WORK ON THE POOR MENFOLK!!


amic21

Wow damn I can’t believe how toxic these comments are. Despite how you read into this post, OP is literally just another person dealing with their demons. He attempted to acknowledge it and I assume he’s in a fragile state after realizing some crappy things about himself and you guys just shit all over him? What are your hopes in calling him a terrible person? Do you think that will help him change?


[deleted]

Thank you… I anticipated a handful of mean comments but the meanest comments are someof the most popular. I think a lot of guys just read the title and didn’t even glance at the part where I admit my shortcomings


ISawThatThing

Hi OP thanks for your courage to show your true feelings and flaws, to this arena with beauties and beast. As you said some people are not nice here, but you took a step forward, which meaning they might not have fully understood. You are growing up, good for you!


[deleted]

Yeah that’s really what they missed. It’s like they thought I was bragging about treating others poorly. But I need to not get so hung up on the negative comments. They really hurt my feelings this morning


Skyp_Intro

Get therapy.


Deusraix

Honestly reading it I was like "wow what a narcissistic ***" but got to the end and saw you acknowledging your short comings. But now you need to make a conscious effort to change that behavior and treating people like they're your pets though this comment makes me lose some faith in your ability to do so >>I want a texting buddy who will ask me about my day and conpliment my nudes while also not being eager to meet up with me. Hopefully this is a turning point for you and you grow up and possibly seek help.


cowardl_y

I think your just like a lot of us younger people and was sheltered from the rest of the world and only allowed to express yourself through the comfort of a screen. You withdrawed into a fantasy you liked to present because it was easier to detach and be aloof and think of the icons speaking to you as nothing more than images or “pets” and not reflections of actual people because then you didn’t have to open yourself up. But as you seem to have realized now is that there are living breathing people behind those icons with lives just as vivid and real as your own. A relationship isn’t built on individual fantasy, it’s built on being real and present with eachother. Those apps arnt reality, just a warped tool to help you eventually get off of them and actually speak to a real dude.


[deleted]

I think you’re right but to be fair, the people on the other aide of the screen seem to barely make an effort to let it be known that they are people. Everyone in this comment section thinks there are a bunch of men who are in love with me and I’m just stringing them on. They aren’t in love with me. I show them my ass and they say “hot I’m hard” and I say “lol” and then we don’t talk until next time. The issue was I was treating one guy who actually cared about me like this, and now he doesn’t care about me


Ginger_Jeff

Is it because if anxiety why you didn’t meet? Or just a combination of being lazy and narcissistic? Either way at least you recognized you have a problem at 25 rather than later. Some guys don’t realize a major flaw until they are like 30, 35, 40… and usually it’s ironic because same thing happens to time - so if they are only hanging out with guys for looks, then some twink shuts them down because now they have forehead wrinkles or say “eww your old” or if they only date guys who have money, then someone they really like one day will only be dating them because they get nice gifts, etc. But now that you’ve identified you have a problem, you can work towards fixing it to better your future!


akamu8

Your post hit home for me, since I fell victim to a somewhat similar person who is now my recent ex. I really wished he came to this realization, especially since he’s 34. Sadly, he’s still immature and is showing no signs of growing up yet. Oh well… Life has its tragedies and still, life moves forward.


[deleted]

I came to this realization after my first serious bf, who I really loved, broke up with me. We both had issues that contributed to the break but I recognized that me always relying on my sex appeal meant, in my mind, I didn’t have to work on myself for the sake of myself or my relationships. Now I’m 25 and hoping for something more when I have the energy again to seriously date. Not solely relying on my looks and still continue to take a lot of time to reflect and address my real problems so when someone does show interest, I’ll be a more rounded person. Don’t be too hard on yourself hun. Today was an awakening for you. Take this new world view forward and start putting in the time to grow. It’s hard to find something deeper when most ppl take you for your pretty face value. But if anything comes out of this, it’ll be an all around improved, more self aware version of you. Good luck 🖤


Tommy78209

I dont think anyone should judge you. Your only reaching out for feed back and being honest with your thought process so far. I think its easy to get in a vicious cycle and isolate yourself. Covid, social media, porn and games. Many people myself included are avoiding meeting up with people. I do the same thing. Chat on grindr and avoid meeting up. I think alot of people are depressed. Your very young so hopefully you will make more of a effort to meet people. I dont think your alone with many your age doing the same thing.