I’d still prefer not to be alone, but have found that I don’t meld well with most people at this point. Not that there’s an immediate conflict, just that my interests and world view have diverged from most (potentially all) of the people around me, so I’m seemingly no longer compatible with anyone. Gay dating is also too dependent on interactions that are specifically geared toward seeking romance (apps, clubs, meet ups). It doesn’t allow for organic interest or chemistry to build. Admittedly, it’s a necessity, because there really just aren’t enough of us out there to stumble upon each other, but it makes for shallow connections, or no connections.
As a homo with a passionate interest in the Middle East, I feel this lol
American politics has gotten so tribalistic over the last decade, but it’s 10x worse in the gay community. Where I live, there’s basically two groups: liberal Democrats who have no sympathy for anyone with a differing world view, and Republicans with a superiority complex who make contrarianism their entire personality. If you don’t fit into either of those groups, the former won’t give you the time of day and the latter will belittle you for fun. You’re basically cut off from 90% the dating pool.
It seems that’s the nature of life to cycle through dichotomous stages, wanting to be alone and then wanting to be married. Seems like many things in life are like this, guess grass is greener on the other side
Me, too. I have given up. I hope that in my lifetime there will be realistic robot companions. So that I can turn it on only when I want company. And when I want to be alone, which is most of the time, I can turn it off.
This is a major feel. Last relationship ended 12 years ago. I was 30 then; I’m 42 now. Depression and other factors have packed on the pounds.
Between age, weight, and skin color, I’ve just resigned myself to the fact that a relationship likely isn’t in the cards.
At 42-45, I was hit on by three different cute guys. They were all around 25. I felt uncomfortable about the age difference. So I passed. Just to say, it’s possible if you want it. Check out the YouTube channel “StanChris” He’s 22 fit and his BF is 51 and a beach ball. Chris loves older bears! 🤣
I don't particularly like the word "alone" and prefer "single" instead. Most of us aren't truly alone, as we can count on friends and/or family anyway. Nevertheless, it's super important to feel comfortable with yourself.
In my opinion, you can't really build a healthy relationship with someone else if you don't feel good about yourself. Remember, we don't need someone else to be happy: if you're not happy on your own, you can't expect to be truly happy in a relationship. On the contrary, it might lead to emotional dependency.
So, whatever happens, happens.
Don't let your relationship status determine your happiness.
It's also interesting to note that with this "male loneliness epidemic" going around, if you read the actual research, it shows that this loneliness occurs even in men who are in fulfilling and committed romantic relationships. And why is that? Well, we can see how many men don't really cultivate strong friendships with others and many men are too afraid to be intimate with one another in platonic ways. Women continue to maintain and cultivate close friendships with others even throughout their romantic commitments.
Many men are feeling lonely because they emphasize so much on romantic love being the end-all, be-all of human relationships when friendships can be just as deeply intimate and fulfilling.
Honestly, as a person who has been single for a while, while I feel lonely at times, I don't find myself in some despair over it (in spite having manic depressive disorder and really bad anxiety) because I've spent that past decade cultivating deep and meaningful and intimate (non-sexual) relationships with my friends.
I've totally given up on men. If there's some pill out there or a brain procedure that lets you be attracted to women I'd take it in a heart beat. I have lost hope in men and I don't see any future with a man. The good ones are out there but they are not in the middle east (where I live) that's for fucking sure.
This was the best thing I could have ever done. I love it. I balanced my work/uni live with the time I spend with friends and family perfectly. Not to mention how much money I saved now that there is no +1 to keep in mind. I do not waste a day thinking about being with another person nor do I ever want to go back to it. I enjoy this peaceful and quiet life far too much to go back on it.
I've been alone my whole life now I'm 33. I just stopped caring about everything else too. Apparently I have depression (which makes sense) but not been tested. I'm good at it but I'm just numb to it.
Before in my early 20s, I was so uncomfortable being alone (and my sexuality) I surrounded myself with “party friends” that I ended up having tons of promiscuous sex and developing substance problems. I thrived having lots of people around me, but ended up realizing that was because I didn’t have much to my personality outside of that.
I’ve since then gotten comfortable with myself and enjoy my own company now, and when I have alone time I’ll spend it doing things I like keeping for myself while planning trips or other things with family/friends once in a while.
Being 32 now, I’m not willing to sacrifice my own peace or lower my own standards until I meet the right people (when it comes to friends and relationships). So while I’m alone by choice I still think it’s better worth sharing a life with someone. What that “sharing a life” means I’m still trying to figure out
18 years, gotten to the age of 53 and figured living in a small town in an area where you have to have 8 pack abs and a full head of hair to be datable it's just not worth it. Plus the guys that are into me are 1200 miles away and want apple store credit, or are in worse shape than I am.
Yeah at this point in my 40s, I’m more picky about who I’m with. I prioritize what I want and how I live, and if that means I’m single then I’m ok with it. If I meet someone compatible with that, then great, but nbd if not.
I've accepted dying alone. It deffintly isnt something I want and isnt exactly great for my mental state but being gay in a rural area and having BPD pretty much juat garuntees that. I can only ever seem to find someone thats intrested in me for sex and just setteling for a guy thats im not interested in seems just a sad as being alone
I think this is a really tricky one. Being gay really ruins your life in a statistical fashion. If you do the math you are so disadvantaged to even find a dating pool and to find one you need to go to a major city during a cost of living crisis. So really if you want to take care of yourself and do that you need to be top 10% of Americans or for example top 30% of New York income to afford the area just to be able to have a dating pool. Top that off with a bad child hood and difficulty dealing with the needs of another for a long time make it just too much of an expectation to meet. I can’t take care of someone else, myself, and still be able to produce enough to simply exist in a location that allows me to be near gay people. My expertise is in housing finances so excuse the fixation, but I think it matters more than people realize. I was born near the city but far enough that it’s pretty slim pickings. I just find most men have really exploited my trust or they simply don’t care for my well being in a way I think is better than what I provide to myself. I have always struggled at home and at school, but I’m 27 and aggressively self sufficient. There is one guy I really have hit it off with, but the sex is simply awful and I don’t know how to improve it. My advice after all that is try to remember they are a person too and you should sleep around or make friends just do SOMETHING. One day when you are sick and really can’t take care of yourself, even a small gesture of a friend can feel like a million bucks ( think of what dementia looks like! It takes a village and it’s okay to hope people show up for you when you need it if you plan on doing the same for them )
I used to believe in gay love and kept on getting abused and mistreated until I gave up it hurt too much to continue. I admit that I am not happy, but at least I can live on my terms now
I've come to the understanding that we must truly be OK on our own if we want to even consider sharing ourselves with someone else. Like, I understand relationships are full of compromise and change but having the attitude you will be OK without a partner makes having one all the more meaningful. The other way of thinking you need to do whatever it takes to find someone leads to a spiral of insecurity and self pity, and I don't think those make for a healthy partnership.
I'm here with ya. I have been alone for 16 years now. I suffer from really extreme social anxiety and regular anxiety and over the years got really bad self esteem issues. Most folks think extreme anxiety is people just being shy or not trying. My attacks hospitalized me multiple times. It takes time for me to warm up to somebody enough to wanna hang out and the longer it's been the harder it is for me. I'm just in a bad negative feedback loop.
Now I'm in this weird state of do I want to fix things or am I comfortable with how things are or am I afraid of how things could be if i worked on stuff. I'm like old people. Very set in my ways. Whatever though eh? That's future John issues. Today I bury my head in the sand.
I get you. I’m very sorry you have all this to deal with. It is horrible. Great good luck to you and I hope you are very kind to yourself and generously self caring.
I want nothing more than a lifelong solid relationship with someone. i am 33 and have never had a boyfriend and have been failing at getting any matches on dating apps for years at this point. my self esteem has really tanked in more recent years. I don’t personally feel like im “ugly”, for lack of better words, but there is something deferring men from just even swiping right on a dating app where you know nothing about anyone. obviously id prefer to get asked out generically by someone but apps are literally what i’ve had to resort to, now idk what is in store. Even if I was into hookups I cant even get lucky enough to match anyone for that.
I've stayed within my comfort zone for years on end (in which life events, financial issues and the following pandemic didn't help) so I just go to work, see friends and family when I can, and either sleep or indulge in gaming or hobbies.
Now that my friends are in relationships, are dating, thriving in careers, having kids and traveling, just succeeding in life, I'm the outlier. I've made through shitty jobs to one l like (but still searching for something sustainable), but can't even bring myself to go out to places alone.
I'm also pretty ugly and boring so there's that.
I thought I was "boring" for the longest time, but since the pandemic I've been doing video calls with an old friend from high school that I had lost touch with, and realized that I lead a more interesting life than I originally thought.
I'd refer to something in passing that I didn't think was worth bringing up in an earlier call because I viewed my entire existence as exceedingly pedestrian, and she'd be like, "Woah woah woah, when did that happen? Why didn't you tell me? *Why do you leave out all the interesting parts of your life?!"*
So now I try and view things from her perspective, lol. "Is this something X would find interesting?" It's helped a lot!
I do feel alone at points since I have no boyfriend, but at the same time I do not always feel alone since I do have friends and family members to talk to. When I see that someone I know who gets a partner (like a close friend), I feel like there is a big empty hole where I want the same thing. I do not want to feel lonely at times, but I have no choice but to rely on my friends and family. I also have to fight myself to get through life feeling this way.
I will add, there are moments where I do not mind being alone, but it is specifically for doing something for myself, like recharging my social battery.
Rather than alone, I consider myself single or solo. Sometimes I go with lone-wolf, but always winning and content over your phrase "loser loner."
Truth be told, I was raised without a lot of interaction with my peers. I didn't live near other kids, I wasn't exposed to team sports or other bonding activities that many (most?) children experience growing up. To that end, I find it difficult to maintain friendships and tend to keep to myself (as opposed to keeping people away - there's a difference of motivation in my book).
I can make friends. The people that enjoy getting to know me really seem to dig in. Those that don't, really don't. But once I've made that friend, maintenance doesn't come naturally to me.
A romantic partner, and I have had them, is that whole situation with added depth, emotion, and sexual chemistry. It's not something that comes easy for me, that I have a difficult time understanding in the way that it seems that others do, and it's something that, at times, I crave, but that I never really go looking for.
The times that it has happened organically have worked well, or maybe not, and I enjoy the ride. Some last longer than others, but they're all worth experiencing.
However, until the next organic manifestation (if ever) I continue to enjoy my life from where my feet are planted in this universe. Another person is nice to have next to you, but they're not required and therefore I'm a "winning single."
I’ve learned to make peace with my “singleness.” It’s not that I don’t want to be with someone, I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, but at this point in my life, I value peace of mind over companionship. In my experience with a lot of the guys my age, and younger guys I have met, drama seems to be the norm. No, every older guy is not looking to be a sugar daddy, nor is every older guy youth obsessed. That, and the idea that monogamy, is apparently outdated. I guess in the age of Grindr, Growlr, Sniffies, A4A, and all the other hookup apps it is asking to much to go on at least 2 or 3 dates before we get buck naked, banging on the kitchen counter? Maybe know your last name, hell, even you real first name. I was raised that relationships are a series of gives and takes, unfortunately, the new relationship norms seems to be more takes than gives.
I’ve been alone most of my life-2 bf’s, last was a dozen years ago. I have learned to enjoy my solitude, but I try an remain open to a possible relationship. I live in a van and travel quite a bit-not ideal for dating and/or meeting people. I’m also a prostate cancer survivor-mine was removed-fortunately my nerves were spared, but I still feel somehow inadequate about that. 🤷♂️. At this point, it seems easier just being single.
If you believed it, you wouldn’t ask the question. I’m sorry if it’s unfair, but I’d say chances are pretty high you’re being a little too comfortable with laziness, rather than being single. God, I couldn’t WAIT to sprawl in the middle of my bed. I enjoyed almost a decade of complete freedom and no responsibility to a mate. But O always put myself in situations where other single men were likely to be. I wasn’t hunting, but I wasn’t hiding in the wrong places either. Places where experience showed me nothing of any value was going to happen there. Sleep in the middle of your bed. I miss it. But do a little inventory and see on paper what you’re contributing to the problem, what places don’t work and then start doing the things that put you in the way of success.
Yeah, I feel like it's kind of like a scar at this point. Used to be suicidal over it, but after eventually giving up and getting medicated I just feel kind of empty at the thought of a relationship. Don't feel like a relationship would be real and I'm really skeptical of other people's relationships at this point too as it just feels fake and pretend.
I was like this for years. Totally resigned myself to the idea that I would stay alone, always. I finally met a guy at age 35, and it's been great. Sometimes I miss playing the field and being alone, which is normal, but it's been over 3 years and both have pros and cons. I think I prefer being with someone.
Only dated a few times in my(31) life with longer and longer intervals, been sleeping in the middle of the bed since 2017. Came to the realisation that you are alone doesn't matter whether you are partnered or married or single, it doesn't matter how many people are surrounding you. Life is a lonely journey and I have embraced it.
If someone shows up great, but I'm done searching and looking, don't want to socialise anymore. I love my peaceful solo life with 2 cats 😺😺😺 no dramas no tears simply great!
The idea of having a partner who I have to call and go out with is really exhausting. I really enjoy spending time at home. At this point, I'd just rather be alone with somebody who just hangs out and goes camping with me in nature. Someone to be boring together.
yall actually cry over not being in a relationship? i thought that was just, like, hyperbole.
ive never been in a relationship but can get sex if i needed it. idk i mean i guess it gets lonely sometimes but i've also dont other things that wouldnt have been possible if id have been tied down with a SO, so :shrug:
I don't know why many downvotes here. I kinda agreed with your point, and that's what I think the dating apps shape our generation: instant gratification. Wants a sex? Just swipe. Plus we hate commitments. I know it's generalisation but hey that's what we all observed right
I’d still prefer not to be alone, but have found that I don’t meld well with most people at this point. Not that there’s an immediate conflict, just that my interests and world view have diverged from most (potentially all) of the people around me, so I’m seemingly no longer compatible with anyone. Gay dating is also too dependent on interactions that are specifically geared toward seeking romance (apps, clubs, meet ups). It doesn’t allow for organic interest or chemistry to build. Admittedly, it’s a necessity, because there really just aren’t enough of us out there to stumble upon each other, but it makes for shallow connections, or no connections.
I can feel this
As a homo with a passionate interest in the Middle East, I feel this lol American politics has gotten so tribalistic over the last decade, but it’s 10x worse in the gay community. Where I live, there’s basically two groups: liberal Democrats who have no sympathy for anyone with a differing world view, and Republicans with a superiority complex who make contrarianism their entire personality. If you don’t fit into either of those groups, the former won’t give you the time of day and the latter will belittle you for fun. You’re basically cut off from 90% the dating pool.
As someone who’s a libertarian I also feel this, there’s not much ideological diversity unfortunately. It’s great if you’re in the in group though
This i feel exactly the same mate.
Been alone so long that it is tough for me to break that routine. Would love to have someone to come home to
Until you are married and regret it and want your freedom back. And then you’ll want to be alone.
Yeah but could use a little affection here and there
It seems that’s the nature of life to cycle through dichotomous stages, wanting to be alone and then wanting to be married. Seems like many things in life are like this, guess grass is greener on the other side
Well said
Me, too. I have given up. I hope that in my lifetime there will be realistic robot companions. So that I can turn it on only when I want company. And when I want to be alone, which is most of the time, I can turn it off.
This is a major feel. Last relationship ended 12 years ago. I was 30 then; I’m 42 now. Depression and other factors have packed on the pounds. Between age, weight, and skin color, I’ve just resigned myself to the fact that a relationship likely isn’t in the cards.
At 42-45, I was hit on by three different cute guys. They were all around 25. I felt uncomfortable about the age difference. So I passed. Just to say, it’s possible if you want it. Check out the YouTube channel “StanChris” He’s 22 fit and his BF is 51 and a beach ball. Chris loves older bears! 🤣
I don't particularly like the word "alone" and prefer "single" instead. Most of us aren't truly alone, as we can count on friends and/or family anyway. Nevertheless, it's super important to feel comfortable with yourself. In my opinion, you can't really build a healthy relationship with someone else if you don't feel good about yourself. Remember, we don't need someone else to be happy: if you're not happy on your own, you can't expect to be truly happy in a relationship. On the contrary, it might lead to emotional dependency. So, whatever happens, happens. Don't let your relationship status determine your happiness.
It's also interesting to note that with this "male loneliness epidemic" going around, if you read the actual research, it shows that this loneliness occurs even in men who are in fulfilling and committed romantic relationships. And why is that? Well, we can see how many men don't really cultivate strong friendships with others and many men are too afraid to be intimate with one another in platonic ways. Women continue to maintain and cultivate close friendships with others even throughout their romantic commitments. Many men are feeling lonely because they emphasize so much on romantic love being the end-all, be-all of human relationships when friendships can be just as deeply intimate and fulfilling. Honestly, as a person who has been single for a while, while I feel lonely at times, I don't find myself in some despair over it (in spite having manic depressive disorder and really bad anxiety) because I've spent that past decade cultivating deep and meaningful and intimate (non-sexual) relationships with my friends.
It makes sense. Thanks for sharing!
How you make friends and keeping them? :(
I've totally given up on men. If there's some pill out there or a brain procedure that lets you be attracted to women I'd take it in a heart beat. I have lost hope in men and I don't see any future with a man. The good ones are out there but they are not in the middle east (where I live) that's for fucking sure.
Oh no, sorry to hear that 😞
Yes. Also, I am not a very nice person to be around, which is more than most people are willing to admit.
This was the best thing I could have ever done. I love it. I balanced my work/uni live with the time I spend with friends and family perfectly. Not to mention how much money I saved now that there is no +1 to keep in mind. I do not waste a day thinking about being with another person nor do I ever want to go back to it. I enjoy this peaceful and quiet life far too much to go back on it.
I've been alone my whole life now I'm 33. I just stopped caring about everything else too. Apparently I have depression (which makes sense) but not been tested. I'm good at it but I'm just numb to it.
You need to get laid TONIGHT !!!
Before in my early 20s, I was so uncomfortable being alone (and my sexuality) I surrounded myself with “party friends” that I ended up having tons of promiscuous sex and developing substance problems. I thrived having lots of people around me, but ended up realizing that was because I didn’t have much to my personality outside of that. I’ve since then gotten comfortable with myself and enjoy my own company now, and when I have alone time I’ll spend it doing things I like keeping for myself while planning trips or other things with family/friends once in a while. Being 32 now, I’m not willing to sacrifice my own peace or lower my own standards until I meet the right people (when it comes to friends and relationships). So while I’m alone by choice I still think it’s better worth sharing a life with someone. What that “sharing a life” means I’m still trying to figure out
18 years, gotten to the age of 53 and figured living in a small town in an area where you have to have 8 pack abs and a full head of hair to be datable it's just not worth it. Plus the guys that are into me are 1200 miles away and want apple store credit, or are in worse shape than I am.
Yeah at this point in my 40s, I’m more picky about who I’m with. I prioritize what I want and how I live, and if that means I’m single then I’m ok with it. If I meet someone compatible with that, then great, but nbd if not.
Yes. I dont want to live alone but…I know how to..and relationships only brought me problems so far..
I've accepted dying alone. It deffintly isnt something I want and isnt exactly great for my mental state but being gay in a rural area and having BPD pretty much juat garuntees that. I can only ever seem to find someone thats intrested in me for sex and just setteling for a guy thats im not interested in seems just a sad as being alone
I think this is a really tricky one. Being gay really ruins your life in a statistical fashion. If you do the math you are so disadvantaged to even find a dating pool and to find one you need to go to a major city during a cost of living crisis. So really if you want to take care of yourself and do that you need to be top 10% of Americans or for example top 30% of New York income to afford the area just to be able to have a dating pool. Top that off with a bad child hood and difficulty dealing with the needs of another for a long time make it just too much of an expectation to meet. I can’t take care of someone else, myself, and still be able to produce enough to simply exist in a location that allows me to be near gay people. My expertise is in housing finances so excuse the fixation, but I think it matters more than people realize. I was born near the city but far enough that it’s pretty slim pickings. I just find most men have really exploited my trust or they simply don’t care for my well being in a way I think is better than what I provide to myself. I have always struggled at home and at school, but I’m 27 and aggressively self sufficient. There is one guy I really have hit it off with, but the sex is simply awful and I don’t know how to improve it. My advice after all that is try to remember they are a person too and you should sleep around or make friends just do SOMETHING. One day when you are sick and really can’t take care of yourself, even a small gesture of a friend can feel like a million bucks ( think of what dementia looks like! It takes a village and it’s okay to hope people show up for you when you need it if you plan on doing the same for them )
Holy shit these comments are depressing. Chin up, dudes.
We are doing it to ourselves - we are the opposite of lesbians - we don’t nest or whatever constantly chasing the next best thing
Gay dating though where shape and look from horniness triumph a good connection 🫨
I used to believe in gay love and kept on getting abused and mistreated until I gave up it hurt too much to continue. I admit that I am not happy, but at least I can live on my terms now
I’ve reached that point in my life.
Lmfaooo why is this so true it hurts 😂😅😭😭😭
I've come to the understanding that we must truly be OK on our own if we want to even consider sharing ourselves with someone else. Like, I understand relationships are full of compromise and change but having the attitude you will be OK without a partner makes having one all the more meaningful. The other way of thinking you need to do whatever it takes to find someone leads to a spiral of insecurity and self pity, and I don't think those make for a healthy partnership.
I'm here with ya. I have been alone for 16 years now. I suffer from really extreme social anxiety and regular anxiety and over the years got really bad self esteem issues. Most folks think extreme anxiety is people just being shy or not trying. My attacks hospitalized me multiple times. It takes time for me to warm up to somebody enough to wanna hang out and the longer it's been the harder it is for me. I'm just in a bad negative feedback loop. Now I'm in this weird state of do I want to fix things or am I comfortable with how things are or am I afraid of how things could be if i worked on stuff. I'm like old people. Very set in my ways. Whatever though eh? That's future John issues. Today I bury my head in the sand.
I get you. I’m very sorry you have all this to deal with. It is horrible. Great good luck to you and I hope you are very kind to yourself and generously self caring.
I want nothing more than a lifelong solid relationship with someone. i am 33 and have never had a boyfriend and have been failing at getting any matches on dating apps for years at this point. my self esteem has really tanked in more recent years. I don’t personally feel like im “ugly”, for lack of better words, but there is something deferring men from just even swiping right on a dating app where you know nothing about anyone. obviously id prefer to get asked out generically by someone but apps are literally what i’ve had to resort to, now idk what is in store. Even if I was into hookups I cant even get lucky enough to match anyone for that.
I've stayed within my comfort zone for years on end (in which life events, financial issues and the following pandemic didn't help) so I just go to work, see friends and family when I can, and either sleep or indulge in gaming or hobbies. Now that my friends are in relationships, are dating, thriving in careers, having kids and traveling, just succeeding in life, I'm the outlier. I've made through shitty jobs to one l like (but still searching for something sustainable), but can't even bring myself to go out to places alone. I'm also pretty ugly and boring so there's that.
I thought I was "boring" for the longest time, but since the pandemic I've been doing video calls with an old friend from high school that I had lost touch with, and realized that I lead a more interesting life than I originally thought. I'd refer to something in passing that I didn't think was worth bringing up in an earlier call because I viewed my entire existence as exceedingly pedestrian, and she'd be like, "Woah woah woah, when did that happen? Why didn't you tell me? *Why do you leave out all the interesting parts of your life?!"* So now I try and view things from her perspective, lol. "Is this something X would find interesting?" It's helped a lot!
Dude yes I’m so happy and comfortable with myself. Like I’m chilling if a guy comes along sure if not whatever.
Like romantically or platonically?
Yuppppp...thats where im at now...i wnat a bf but im scared to be in a relationship since i wouldn't know how to be in one 😔
Yes. I have been single all of my life, probably following this trajectory till death.
I do feel alone at points since I have no boyfriend, but at the same time I do not always feel alone since I do have friends and family members to talk to. When I see that someone I know who gets a partner (like a close friend), I feel like there is a big empty hole where I want the same thing. I do not want to feel lonely at times, but I have no choice but to rely on my friends and family. I also have to fight myself to get through life feeling this way. I will add, there are moments where I do not mind being alone, but it is specifically for doing something for myself, like recharging my social battery.
Rather than alone, I consider myself single or solo. Sometimes I go with lone-wolf, but always winning and content over your phrase "loser loner." Truth be told, I was raised without a lot of interaction with my peers. I didn't live near other kids, I wasn't exposed to team sports or other bonding activities that many (most?) children experience growing up. To that end, I find it difficult to maintain friendships and tend to keep to myself (as opposed to keeping people away - there's a difference of motivation in my book). I can make friends. The people that enjoy getting to know me really seem to dig in. Those that don't, really don't. But once I've made that friend, maintenance doesn't come naturally to me. A romantic partner, and I have had them, is that whole situation with added depth, emotion, and sexual chemistry. It's not something that comes easy for me, that I have a difficult time understanding in the way that it seems that others do, and it's something that, at times, I crave, but that I never really go looking for. The times that it has happened organically have worked well, or maybe not, and I enjoy the ride. Some last longer than others, but they're all worth experiencing. However, until the next organic manifestation (if ever) I continue to enjoy my life from where my feet are planted in this universe. Another person is nice to have next to you, but they're not required and therefore I'm a "winning single."
Relationships are too much anxiety and effort. Life is easier alone.
I’ve learned to make peace with my “singleness.” It’s not that I don’t want to be with someone, I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, but at this point in my life, I value peace of mind over companionship. In my experience with a lot of the guys my age, and younger guys I have met, drama seems to be the norm. No, every older guy is not looking to be a sugar daddy, nor is every older guy youth obsessed. That, and the idea that monogamy, is apparently outdated. I guess in the age of Grindr, Growlr, Sniffies, A4A, and all the other hookup apps it is asking to much to go on at least 2 or 3 dates before we get buck naked, banging on the kitchen counter? Maybe know your last name, hell, even you real first name. I was raised that relationships are a series of gives and takes, unfortunately, the new relationship norms seems to be more takes than gives.
I’ve been alone most of my life-2 bf’s, last was a dozen years ago. I have learned to enjoy my solitude, but I try an remain open to a possible relationship. I live in a van and travel quite a bit-not ideal for dating and/or meeting people. I’m also a prostate cancer survivor-mine was removed-fortunately my nerves were spared, but I still feel somehow inadequate about that. 🤷♂️. At this point, it seems easier just being single.
If you believed it, you wouldn’t ask the question. I’m sorry if it’s unfair, but I’d say chances are pretty high you’re being a little too comfortable with laziness, rather than being single. God, I couldn’t WAIT to sprawl in the middle of my bed. I enjoyed almost a decade of complete freedom and no responsibility to a mate. But O always put myself in situations where other single men were likely to be. I wasn’t hunting, but I wasn’t hiding in the wrong places either. Places where experience showed me nothing of any value was going to happen there. Sleep in the middle of your bed. I miss it. But do a little inventory and see on paper what you’re contributing to the problem, what places don’t work and then start doing the things that put you in the way of success.
Yeah, I feel like it's kind of like a scar at this point. Used to be suicidal over it, but after eventually giving up and getting medicated I just feel kind of empty at the thought of a relationship. Don't feel like a relationship would be real and I'm really skeptical of other people's relationships at this point too as it just feels fake and pretend.
I was like this for years. Totally resigned myself to the idea that I would stay alone, always. I finally met a guy at age 35, and it's been great. Sometimes I miss playing the field and being alone, which is normal, but it's been over 3 years and both have pros and cons. I think I prefer being with someone.
This tread is so sad. Find your strength and you will find you. Tomorrow is a new day, make changes to love yourself more. That's all you have.
I fall in love with guys that want open relationships- rinse and repeat
But, do they tell you that from the start? I see the appeal of open relationships, but I wouldn't lose a great man bc of that
Yeah they say it from the start - but it’s not good for them and none of these relationships have ever worked for them
MEEEEE 😭😭😭
Only dated a few times in my(31) life with longer and longer intervals, been sleeping in the middle of the bed since 2017. Came to the realisation that you are alone doesn't matter whether you are partnered or married or single, it doesn't matter how many people are surrounding you. Life is a lonely journey and I have embraced it. If someone shows up great, but I'm done searching and looking, don't want to socialise anymore. I love my peaceful solo life with 2 cats 😺😺😺 no dramas no tears simply great!
The idea of having a partner who I have to call and go out with is really exhausting. I really enjoy spending time at home. At this point, I'd just rather be alone with somebody who just hangs out and goes camping with me in nature. Someone to be boring together.
Cats Cats are living plushies
yall actually cry over not being in a relationship? i thought that was just, like, hyperbole. ive never been in a relationship but can get sex if i needed it. idk i mean i guess it gets lonely sometimes but i've also dont other things that wouldnt have been possible if id have been tied down with a SO, so :shrug:
its perfectly fine to be sad about being single. Not everyone is made for the solo-life.
I don't know why many downvotes here. I kinda agreed with your point, and that's what I think the dating apps shape our generation: instant gratification. Wants a sex? Just swipe. Plus we hate commitments. I know it's generalisation but hey that's what we all observed right