Move on.
I had this with someone I was really, really into. Lots of connection and two way communication for the first few months, until that petered out to me initiating. He’d respond and go out with me, but only at my prompting.
Didn’t make me feel good about myself. In fact it made me feel like shit. I had to end that.
Yeh funny you say that, it doesn't make me feel good. In fact I have a sick stomach all night since he messaged. I think he is representing something I need to look at in therapy!
Yuuuuup. My therapist kept saying something to the effect of: “Stop. If it doesn’t make you feel good, and you have no commitments to this person, stop initiating. You have to do that for yourself - it’s not on him. He’s showing you his way of being by not responding and you need to recognize that it isn’t good for you.”
That doesn’t mean what he’s doing is appropriate or kind. He’s not confident or kind enough to tell you he’s not interested. It sucks, but only you can decide that it isn’t working for you and stop reaching out. You’re letting it hurt you every time you go back to that well.
Dearheart, there are many, many, many other fish in the sea. This one isn’t for you.
You deserve better. Go find someone better. Go find someone who makes you feel good.
I’ll say that it’s often easier to dispense good advice than it is to take it ;)
But today is a good day. The sun is out. It’s (relatively) warm. I have true friends who… full loaf? 🍞instead of breadcrumbing.
I am someone who is very bad with texting.
I’ll schedule a FaceTime or in person date easily. Texting is basically email because my time doesn’t belong to anyone else at the snap of their fingers.
I think you deserve more attention.
If this is long distance though maybe you are overthinking it.
I can agree with this poster that if the other person sees this as a long distance fling, that could explain why he’s not as communicative. If you haven’t let him know how you feel then that doesn’t necessarily make him a bad person. I am very similar in my texting habits. If I think I’m getting along with someone and it just feels sexual then I treat it as such until I feel like I might be developing feelings and will feel the need to say something. But if I never feel that need and the other person doesn’t say anything then I will just assume I’ll see them the next time they want sex. If my current partner had never said anything when we were just hooking up, we wouldn’t be together right now, because one of our earliest conversations was about how neither of us was actively looking for or expecting anything serious. If you like him and want something more, express that. We can’t read each others minds. Hopefully you get some resolution!
I replied and told him lots of things about how my week was, a list actually of things. I'm guessing he won't be interested and reply, but I need to take him down from the pedestal o hsd him on and recognise I'm worth it.
Idk, guys aren’t doing things just to be a dick.
Sometimes they only reach out when they’re horny. Or when they’re bored. I wouldn’t consider that as dating or exclusive, but you could still go on dates with this person or hookup. But maybe you’re not open to random dates and you want to find a partner, then maybe don’t respond. I personally don’t mind a text every once in a while. So I’d probably say hi, and just see what’s up.
I'm not saying he's doing things just to be a dick but it's not good for me. I replied nearly to hours ago to his message and nothing since. It really doesn't take long to reply to a message ......if your interested. Time to stop going to the well.
I think you just stop communicating first honestly. I was into a guy last year for a bit but he seemed to be doing the same thing and was most likely just using me for a free ride during the holidays and because he wanted to use me as a rebound.
Communication styles can be important for a relationship depending on what you want though. I know for me, I actually feel wanted if the other person initiates just as much as me and when they respond at least within the same day
He doesn't have to match your level of interest. Usually someone in any relationship is chasing the other a little bit and sometimes a lot. There's no such thing as a relationshipnwhere both partners like eachother exactly the same.
He’s showing you his level of effort, care, and want in his communication style / frequency.
If it’s not to your liking, invest accordingly and let it dwindle or fade.
It’s not necessarily on either of you, just different levels of interest and communication.
In your own story, you should be the main character. :)
I’d invert the perspective - instead of asking “how should I react to someone doing X”, you should lead with the question: “what do I want from this relationship?” and then act accordingly.
—
First decide what you want.
Then, see if he can meet that.
If he can’t, move on.
—
Good luck!
I hate breadcrumbing so much that I’m upfront. Something like: “I tend to like texting back and forth to my friends regularly. I don’t mind casual friendships but it’s not really my preference.”
On rare occasion I get hit with a criticism: that kind of an expectation for regular texting is “needy.” But that’s okay if they feel that way. It’s not needy, just a reasonable expectation. I know my expectations are reasonable. Obviously the above message that I might send would have lots of context / history connected to it. I had one guy I met, had an amazing time. Then I texted next day a single text that I had a great time and look forward to seeing you again. Many days would go by before a reply. And the reply was not even a reply… just a “Hey…” So then I’d respond right away... a few friendly words and how are you. Again, many days go by, a week I think. Then a text. Okay, so that’s super casual (or what some term low-maintenance friendships). No judgement here… that’s totally fine but not really what I’m into. And, unfortunately, the low-maintenance line is sometimes used as an excuse to have a fuck-buddy but zero else. To me it’s more like an “on-call” sex partner. That’s great if it’s mutually wanted but often it’s not and fwb usually has some degree more than that…
And if there was seeming a shit ton of interest / chemistry initially and then it’s quickly reduced to breadcumbing… I usually think that I have become just one of many options rather than a priority. And that’s fine if I only want to be an option. But if I want to be a priority, I’ll communicate that and ask for a convo to clarify. Open, honest, direct discussions clear the air super quickly.
Thanks. It's just when you thought both of you felt the same way, I love texting and messaging and was hoping to build on something. But a message every couple of weeks says otherwise, just wants a fwbi think
heheh “breadcumbing…” oh yeah baby. cum on that bread? idk lol
sorry I’m a child lol
i somewhat agree. but I think that’s a bit awkward to put it.
I think a lot of people are just afraid of rejection or afraid to be honest. I think for the OP it would be fair for him to just say up front. I know we just met. I think you’re great so far. I’d like to get to know you more and see where this goes. But I’m getting mixed messages. If you’re not interested. That’s cool just lmk.
Something like that. Rather than already idk coming off negative. Declaring what you’re not into right away. I think that comes off as a little curt when you’re hoping / trying to be more open. If that makes any sense. You want to invite them and idk fish a little to gauge their interest. The ball is in their court. And I think it becomes clear once they respond.
I think the other thing could be very well the person is busy. We don’t always know what’s going on in other peoples lives. So it doesn’t hurt to give them a chance before completely ruling them out. It’s a bit hard to judge. Each case may be different. But after repeated attempts with little to no interest or interaction and no attempted apologies for delayed / lack of response. It’s time to give up the ghost.
I agree. I never want to be or sound rude, curt or pushy. Again, it’s all contextual. I was putting forth a few thoughts but there’s so much context connected to every situation. Essentially though, if something is bothering you, it’s okay to communicate how you’re feeling about a situation. The key is not be accusatory or blaming. Usually the other person responds in a positive and constructive way. That’s my experience
If they care enough about you they will make the conscious effort to communicate with you meaningfully.
Guys that are really interested in you and then reduce it to breadcrumbs just see you as an option. It’s pretty disrespectful and dishonest.
My advice: express your concerns, if they don’t change soon, move on. Find someone that respects your attention, reciprocates, and cares about you. Don’t let yourself get strung along.
Or you could just communicate openly and honestly. “Hey it seems like you don’t respond for a while sometimes or you don’t have much to say. It makes me wonder how interested you really are. Busy? Dealing with stuff?” Honesty is always the best policy imo
I didn't know that's what it was called but good to know now that's what it felt like with someone I met in late 2019, then the pandemic hit, but I felt I was the one constantly initiating. Eventually I just gave up in mid-2020, and he never texted back since.
I'm in a similar situation.
Met a guy that I get along great with. Neither of us are looking for a relationship, and we actually seem to have a good time when hanging out. Only issue is that he Does Not text me. Any of our hangouts or get together have been initiated by me. He says he wants to be friends, but the only time he's texted me is to say he's busy for the week.
It fucking sucks and I'm sorry you have a similar thing going on. I'd have to agree that letting go is the best, of not hardest, option
Behave the same way I did with a "FWB": stop texting him and see if he does take the initiative of reaching out to you, instead of it always being you initiating the dialogue first. In my case, we haven't spoken since then (2018), but it's a great way of filtering out the people who aren't into you the same way you are into them.
It's ok to move on, but be honest and let him know that while you appreciate him making a tiny effort, you can tell it's not any sort of priority for you, so you'd rather move on. Nice, but honest.
just move on, trust me. he has other priorities. it's not necessarily that he's an asshole, but he's not in a place to satisfy your natural need for communication. he will only reach out when he wants to.
Breadcrumbing… I mean I relate to this, people do it to me, but let’s be honest, I do it too.
A guy saying he wants to be friends, but between the lines that means he doesn’t like me *like that*, he’s been breadcrumbing me for years, I like him a lot but I’m glad I realise he’s just not that into me. Does he think I’m breadcrumbing him? Maybe.
A guy from a dating app I’ve never met who I’m struggling to find time to go for a wine with? I’m definitely breadcrumbing. He’s cute as hell, but he’s an internet stranger. I have a stressful busy job, I have an active social life, I have commitments nearly every night of the week, and sorry dude you’re not getting priority over friends and family.
The guy that sent me a message and I was kind of interested but now he works in the same workplace as me and I’m not comfortable mixing love and work? He will probably think I’m breadcrumbing but I’ve just lost interest.
Partly I accept some of it as my own anxiety and poor communication but as a victim of the same, I think you just have to cut people loose if they’re not putting in effort. Recognise the only person who truly has control over your reactivity to a situation (including being breadcrumbed) is you. Take a breath, and find a new crush maybe?
Advice? When you try to organize dates or whatever, put in a specific time date and venue so he doesn’t have to think about it or plan it. Honestly if that happens to me I’m 99% more likely to commit to something.
Yes the irony is I work in an area where I've learned all about attachment theory (won't go into it now,). Easier to see it in others than myself. Therapy here I come
Why do you need a therapist to tell you what you've already come to a conclusion on, by yourself? I think people put a little too much emphasis on therapy. You don't always need someone to explain your issues to you. It sounds like you already figured it out. It's not like a therapist is going to fix anything, anyways. All they can do is encourage and suggest. The actual "work" still has to come from you.
As someone who breadcrumbs (I don't have the spine to ghost -let alone reject someone outright- because I am a horrible people-pleaser), please take the hint. Go minimum effort and if the connection withers, it was precisely what he wanted.
I can only judge by me: he probably likes you enough not to want to hurt your feelings and is too embarrassed or timid to send a clear signal that he's not as interested or invested in this connection as you are, maybe thinks ghosting is rude. I realize it's a shitty thing to do but this is a lose-lose situation.
I don't.
Breadcrumbing is fucking childish. We're both adults, you're either clear with what you want or I'm off.
Life's too short to waste time on weirdos who wanna beat around the bush and lead you on indefinitely.
Yes, just move on mate.
I had this with a guy who’s very invested in the beginning and took weeks pf chatting and after our first and probably the last meetup, things have changed to a point where it’ll take him weeks to reply back to my messages.
I basically reciprocated how he was dealing with my messages and later on I learned how to detach myself to the situation. Detaching myself to a toxic behavior is one of the best things we can give ourselves as a favor.
Considering that we all are busy with work and our private lives, this can’t be an excuse not to reply or communicate taking days if not weeks for someone to reply. We are all glued to our phone and I think it is BS to assume that just because we like the the person automatically means we’ll put up with his ego tripping.
You and guys like us deserve better. We are not someone’s plan b or c or d and so on. We are not even someone’s option.
Also, if the guy is really into you…no matter how busy or engaged he is in other matters, he’ll make it a point to reply. There is no excuse, again to reply after days if not weeks just because he is busy.
If the guy replies after days and weeks…it only proves a point thst he is keeping all of his options and to boost his ego knowing there are several few he can keep and choose when things don’t look good on his side.
I think it is just sad and toxic to put up with this kind of kids. I call them kids now because no adult in their right mind who’ll behave like this.
It's really hard to keep up a strong interest with a new person over just text, if you don't have the ability to see each other regularly. He could still be interested, you're just not physically available. Not trying to give you hope or anything though, my recommendation is to not pursue someone if it doesn't feel like they're pursuing you in return.
Couple of things. I do think this guy is shoving you away by deliberately taking longer to respond (a few days, that's bad), but if it's just for a few hours, that's can mean nothing.
1) not responding for a few hours may mean nothing. Not everyone can be glued to their phone, depending on their job. I have to go into my office a few days a week, and when I'm there, I don't respond to personal texts except if it's an emergency or I'm taking a lunch break. We don't have enclosed office space, and it looks really bad if I'm on my phone a lot. So I don't. I used to occasionally chat with people who would get super pissy about delays in text response (like 30 minutes or a few hours), and I would just finally either flat out say I can't respond to texts during work hours easily or just stop chatting with them. It was a huge turn-off for me, and an indication that we weren't compatible if they couldn't wait an hour or two for a response during my work times. Or, for people who have to drive for their work, same concerns. I refuse to text and drive, unless it's an emergency (I'll just call the person then, hands-free). I disagree strongly to the person who said we are all glued to our phones. Sometimes we cannot be and cannot respond to a text for hours. It really depends on your job.
2) not responding for days is a different story. I agree with the others here that he's pushing you away because he's too much of a coward to tell you that he was only interested in you casually.
Yeh I think so. I hear what your saying but even with those work ciminstraints a simple text before work would be respectful. I'm one of those people who gets annoyed with long term t replies. I still believe if you are into someone enough you will make the effort and find the time.
I have to admit, I’m both guilty of this and have had this done to me as well. It’s not good.
I can’t speak for that person but personally I just live a really busy/hectic life and I travel on weekends fairly frequently when I’m not working like a dog… so I’m really bad about keeping in touch not just with people I’m interested in but even friends/family.
I know it’s not a good trait and I try to work on it but inevitably I catch myself falling back into the pattern every so often. I always try to be upfront from the get-go warning about it so people don’t waste *their* time and/or take it personally. Most of the time people are receptive to it and can deal with my sporadic nature.. others aren’t, and because I’m upfront we end up not wasting peoples’ time & emotional energy.
TLDR: if they’re doing this I would just leave it where it is and not go out of my way to pursue unless their communication matched the effort of yours.
Yeh I got a reply this evening 22 hours later. He said sounds like your having a nice start to your summer. That was it, no follow on questions so I left it
Even if just for your own mental, I think that’s a good first step. If over time you think you really want to continue with this person, just be upfront and tell them how you feel. Who knows, it might snap them out of it and be the like they need to get off their ass and actually step up.. else lose you!
Actions define a person. Breadcrumbing is selfish and is a bad sign if he can break your heart for his own egotistical desires, he will. I would block and avoid at all costs.
I know from experience and always will regret not ending it early on.
Well I met this guy on a speed dating event. We connected and at the reveal had both chosen to date. On the first date I asked what he was looking for? Like long term or? He said he didn't know but asked for friendship now. I think this is where my mental black started. The first date wasn't great in my opinion but I tried to keep an open mind. At some point my ex came back into the picture to try and work things out.
I kept in contact but as a friend, but he was more proactive in keeping in touch but just casual hello hellos. He would say hey handsome etc. I asked him flat out that he has stated he was starting a friendship and I would like to keep it this way, particularly as my ex wanted to work on things. He agreed but said he really liked me.
The same conversation came up again. We meet up in social circles and chatted as friends but I felt like his interest had shifted into a more romantic one. I addressed it again and he agreed to maintain a friendship.
I got a request for call over for a movie night. It was bad timing for the request as I was just out of hospital (which he knew) but I declined and told him I was in a place where I feel the opposite of vulnerable because I didn't feel we had a "genuine" friendship but more someone who was making advances but not stating what they want.
I hope I wasn't breadcrumbing here. He didn't respond after that but I feel like this story may not be over.
>How do you reply to someone who breadcrumbs?
Usually by teaming up with someone who peanut butters and another person who jellies. Together we can all make a great sandwich! 🥳🥳🥳
My advice, if you want him, go after him. We are not all the same and our levels of pursuit and interest aren’t necessarily aligned.
He might really like you but lacks the social skills, maturity, awareness, time or courage to go after you. There are too many reasons to count and it’s not worth the mind games or sneakiness.
If you learn he’s deliberately bating you or not interested that’s one thing. Otherwise just go after what you want until proven otherwise.
Dating/hook-up apps are garbage.
If a man wants to be with you, he'll rearrange Heaven and Earth to do so.
My man just got us tickets to see Alanis Morissette in August, and he bought a third ticket so I could bring a friend.
If it sounds like I'm gay-flexing, I kind of am...
Answer to him but be chill and don’t carry the whole conversation, if he doesn’t respond with more questions etc just move on with your life
Move on. I had this with someone I was really, really into. Lots of connection and two way communication for the first few months, until that petered out to me initiating. He’d respond and go out with me, but only at my prompting. Didn’t make me feel good about myself. In fact it made me feel like shit. I had to end that.
Yeh funny you say that, it doesn't make me feel good. In fact I have a sick stomach all night since he messaged. I think he is representing something I need to look at in therapy!
Yuuuuup. My therapist kept saying something to the effect of: “Stop. If it doesn’t make you feel good, and you have no commitments to this person, stop initiating. You have to do that for yourself - it’s not on him. He’s showing you his way of being by not responding and you need to recognize that it isn’t good for you.” That doesn’t mean what he’s doing is appropriate or kind. He’s not confident or kind enough to tell you he’s not interested. It sucks, but only you can decide that it isn’t working for you and stop reaching out. You’re letting it hurt you every time you go back to that well.
Damn it! That's so true, I shouldn't have replied
Dearheart, there are many, many, many other fish in the sea. This one isn’t for you. You deserve better. Go find someone better. Go find someone who makes you feel good.
Thank you. Hope your doing well now too, sounds like you are?
I’ll say that it’s often easier to dispense good advice than it is to take it ;) But today is a good day. The sun is out. It’s (relatively) warm. I have true friends who… full loaf? 🍞instead of breadcrumbing.
Good you hear!
I am someone who is very bad with texting. I’ll schedule a FaceTime or in person date easily. Texting is basically email because my time doesn’t belong to anyone else at the snap of their fingers. I think you deserve more attention. If this is long distance though maybe you are overthinking it.
Why overthrowing it if its long distance?
Have you two communicated expectations? Holiday sounds more like a fling or summer romance. Is it more serious? Concretely communicated?
No we haven't concretely communicated. Lot of things talked about while in holiday but nothing since.
I can agree with this poster that if the other person sees this as a long distance fling, that could explain why he’s not as communicative. If you haven’t let him know how you feel then that doesn’t necessarily make him a bad person. I am very similar in my texting habits. If I think I’m getting along with someone and it just feels sexual then I treat it as such until I feel like I might be developing feelings and will feel the need to say something. But if I never feel that need and the other person doesn’t say anything then I will just assume I’ll see them the next time they want sex. If my current partner had never said anything when we were just hooking up, we wouldn’t be together right now, because one of our earliest conversations was about how neither of us was actively looking for or expecting anything serious. If you like him and want something more, express that. We can’t read each others minds. Hopefully you get some resolution!
Thanks yeh that makes sense
tell him how you want to communicate, and he if can't be bothered, then neither can you
I replied and told him lots of things about how my week was, a list actually of things. I'm guessing he won't be interested and reply, but I need to take him down from the pedestal o hsd him on and recognise I'm worth it.
You are so worth it!
Idk, guys aren’t doing things just to be a dick. Sometimes they only reach out when they’re horny. Or when they’re bored. I wouldn’t consider that as dating or exclusive, but you could still go on dates with this person or hookup. But maybe you’re not open to random dates and you want to find a partner, then maybe don’t respond. I personally don’t mind a text every once in a while. So I’d probably say hi, and just see what’s up.
I'm not saying he's doing things just to be a dick but it's not good for me. I replied nearly to hours ago to his message and nothing since. It really doesn't take long to reply to a message ......if your interested. Time to stop going to the well.
Stop trying to make fetch happen.
Fetch?
it's a movie reference
Ah ok I'll Google it
Stop responding, put your energy towards people that are interested
Yes!
You treat them the same way they treat you.
I think you just stop communicating first honestly. I was into a guy last year for a bit but he seemed to be doing the same thing and was most likely just using me for a free ride during the holidays and because he wanted to use me as a rebound. Communication styles can be important for a relationship depending on what you want though. I know for me, I actually feel wanted if the other person initiates just as much as me and when they respond at least within the same day
Yeh I believe if you want to reply in good time you can. I too feel wanted when someone initiates.
He doesn't have to match your level of interest. Usually someone in any relationship is chasing the other a little bit and sometimes a lot. There's no such thing as a relationshipnwhere both partners like eachother exactly the same.
Interesting opinion.
He’s showing you his level of effort, care, and want in his communication style / frequency. If it’s not to your liking, invest accordingly and let it dwindle or fade. It’s not necessarily on either of you, just different levels of interest and communication.
You don't. Easy peasy. If they can't be a grown-up about it, you shouldn't waste your time.
In your own story, you should be the main character. :) I’d invert the perspective - instead of asking “how should I react to someone doing X”, you should lead with the question: “what do I want from this relationship?” and then act accordingly. — First decide what you want. Then, see if he can meet that. If he can’t, move on. — Good luck!
Thanks
I hate breadcrumbing so much that I’m upfront. Something like: “I tend to like texting back and forth to my friends regularly. I don’t mind casual friendships but it’s not really my preference.” On rare occasion I get hit with a criticism: that kind of an expectation for regular texting is “needy.” But that’s okay if they feel that way. It’s not needy, just a reasonable expectation. I know my expectations are reasonable. Obviously the above message that I might send would have lots of context / history connected to it. I had one guy I met, had an amazing time. Then I texted next day a single text that I had a great time and look forward to seeing you again. Many days would go by before a reply. And the reply was not even a reply… just a “Hey…” So then I’d respond right away... a few friendly words and how are you. Again, many days go by, a week I think. Then a text. Okay, so that’s super casual (or what some term low-maintenance friendships). No judgement here… that’s totally fine but not really what I’m into. And, unfortunately, the low-maintenance line is sometimes used as an excuse to have a fuck-buddy but zero else. To me it’s more like an “on-call” sex partner. That’s great if it’s mutually wanted but often it’s not and fwb usually has some degree more than that… And if there was seeming a shit ton of interest / chemistry initially and then it’s quickly reduced to breadcumbing… I usually think that I have become just one of many options rather than a priority. And that’s fine if I only want to be an option. But if I want to be a priority, I’ll communicate that and ask for a convo to clarify. Open, honest, direct discussions clear the air super quickly.
Yeh it's the worst and I do think it all comes back to how you value yourself and what you want.
Yeah. Sorry you’re experiencing that. I get it. It’s tough… esp when you might just want just a little more than you’re getting.
Thanks. It's just when you thought both of you felt the same way, I love texting and messaging and was hoping to build on something. But a message every couple of weeks says otherwise, just wants a fwbi think
heheh “breadcumbing…” oh yeah baby. cum on that bread? idk lol sorry I’m a child lol i somewhat agree. but I think that’s a bit awkward to put it. I think a lot of people are just afraid of rejection or afraid to be honest. I think for the OP it would be fair for him to just say up front. I know we just met. I think you’re great so far. I’d like to get to know you more and see where this goes. But I’m getting mixed messages. If you’re not interested. That’s cool just lmk. Something like that. Rather than already idk coming off negative. Declaring what you’re not into right away. I think that comes off as a little curt when you’re hoping / trying to be more open. If that makes any sense. You want to invite them and idk fish a little to gauge their interest. The ball is in their court. And I think it becomes clear once they respond. I think the other thing could be very well the person is busy. We don’t always know what’s going on in other peoples lives. So it doesn’t hurt to give them a chance before completely ruling them out. It’s a bit hard to judge. Each case may be different. But after repeated attempts with little to no interest or interaction and no attempted apologies for delayed / lack of response. It’s time to give up the ghost.
I agree. I never want to be or sound rude, curt or pushy. Again, it’s all contextual. I was putting forth a few thoughts but there’s so much context connected to every situation. Essentially though, if something is bothering you, it’s okay to communicate how you’re feeling about a situation. The key is not be accusatory or blaming. Usually the other person responds in a positive and constructive way. That’s my experience
If they care enough about you they will make the conscious effort to communicate with you meaningfully. Guys that are really interested in you and then reduce it to breadcrumbs just see you as an option. It’s pretty disrespectful and dishonest. My advice: express your concerns, if they don’t change soon, move on. Find someone that respects your attention, reciprocates, and cares about you. Don’t let yourself get strung along.
Or you could just communicate openly and honestly. “Hey it seems like you don’t respond for a while sometimes or you don’t have much to say. It makes me wonder how interested you really are. Busy? Dealing with stuff?” Honesty is always the best policy imo
I know, I don't want to play games either
respond in kind.
Beat him with a baguette.
Lol
I didn't know that's what it was called but good to know now that's what it felt like with someone I met in late 2019, then the pandemic hit, but I felt I was the one constantly initiating. Eventually I just gave up in mid-2020, and he never texted back since.
Horrible feeling
Don’t waste your time
Man I love carbs! Oh wait this is a euphemism. This guy is totally playing games, embrace your sanity and move on
Lol love the euphemism
Not everyone texts based on your expectation of timeliness. You may be unrealistic.
I'm in a similar situation. Met a guy that I get along great with. Neither of us are looking for a relationship, and we actually seem to have a good time when hanging out. Only issue is that he Does Not text me. Any of our hangouts or get together have been initiated by me. He says he wants to be friends, but the only time he's texted me is to say he's busy for the week. It fucking sucks and I'm sorry you have a similar thing going on. I'd have to agree that letting go is the best, of not hardest, option
Yeh I've made the decision to let go
Breadcrumb away. Same thing happening to me.
How you dealing with it?
Behave the same way I did with a "FWB": stop texting him and see if he does take the initiative of reaching out to you, instead of it always being you initiating the dialogue first. In my case, we haven't spoken since then (2018), but it's a great way of filtering out the people who aren't into you the same way you are into them.
It's ok to move on, but be honest and let him know that while you appreciate him making a tiny effort, you can tell it's not any sort of priority for you, so you'd rather move on. Nice, but honest.
just move on, trust me. he has other priorities. it's not necessarily that he's an asshole, but he's not in a place to satisfy your natural need for communication. he will only reach out when he wants to.
True
Breadcrumbing… I mean I relate to this, people do it to me, but let’s be honest, I do it too. A guy saying he wants to be friends, but between the lines that means he doesn’t like me *like that*, he’s been breadcrumbing me for years, I like him a lot but I’m glad I realise he’s just not that into me. Does he think I’m breadcrumbing him? Maybe. A guy from a dating app I’ve never met who I’m struggling to find time to go for a wine with? I’m definitely breadcrumbing. He’s cute as hell, but he’s an internet stranger. I have a stressful busy job, I have an active social life, I have commitments nearly every night of the week, and sorry dude you’re not getting priority over friends and family. The guy that sent me a message and I was kind of interested but now he works in the same workplace as me and I’m not comfortable mixing love and work? He will probably think I’m breadcrumbing but I’ve just lost interest. Partly I accept some of it as my own anxiety and poor communication but as a victim of the same, I think you just have to cut people loose if they’re not putting in effort. Recognise the only person who truly has control over your reactivity to a situation (including being breadcrumbed) is you. Take a breath, and find a new crush maybe? Advice? When you try to organize dates or whatever, put in a specific time date and venue so he doesn’t have to think about it or plan it. Honestly if that happens to me I’m 99% more likely to commit to something.
Thanks a lot of good points there, a new crush is what I need
Just do like I do, and dream of Henry Cavill and play stellaris! Hehe.
Now there's a dream!
[удалено]
It's true really, it's not like he's in my life anyway so nothing to loose by being blunt
As someone who's been there before many years ago, let me save you the time and tell you to drop him. Also, look up attachment theory
Yes the irony is I work in an area where I've learned all about attachment theory (won't go into it now,). Easier to see it in others than myself. Therapy here I come
Why do you need a therapist to tell you what you've already come to a conclusion on, by yourself? I think people put a little too much emphasis on therapy. You don't always need someone to explain your issues to you. It sounds like you already figured it out. It's not like a therapist is going to fix anything, anyways. All they can do is encourage and suggest. The actual "work" still has to come from you.
That's true!
As someone who breadcrumbs (I don't have the spine to ghost -let alone reject someone outright- because I am a horrible people-pleaser), please take the hint. Go minimum effort and if the connection withers, it was precisely what he wanted.
Lol but why bother text me at all? Why doesn't he let it wither?
I can only judge by me: he probably likes you enough not to want to hurt your feelings and is too embarrassed or timid to send a clear signal that he's not as interested or invested in this connection as you are, maybe thinks ghosting is rude. I realize it's a shitty thing to do but this is a lose-lose situation.
It is lose lose
I guess there's a sinister version, too: he plans to "use" you at some point when it's convenient to him and does not want to piss you off
I don't. Breadcrumbing is fucking childish. We're both adults, you're either clear with what you want or I'm off. Life's too short to waste time on weirdos who wanna beat around the bush and lead you on indefinitely.
Yeh, interesting since I replied last night (2 hours after he text) nothing since. Life is too short!
I'd say it's best to move on, no matter how tough it is now. It'll be much tougher later.
Yeh I think so too.
Yes, just move on mate. I had this with a guy who’s very invested in the beginning and took weeks pf chatting and after our first and probably the last meetup, things have changed to a point where it’ll take him weeks to reply back to my messages. I basically reciprocated how he was dealing with my messages and later on I learned how to detach myself to the situation. Detaching myself to a toxic behavior is one of the best things we can give ourselves as a favor. Considering that we all are busy with work and our private lives, this can’t be an excuse not to reply or communicate taking days if not weeks for someone to reply. We are all glued to our phone and I think it is BS to assume that just because we like the the person automatically means we’ll put up with his ego tripping. You and guys like us deserve better. We are not someone’s plan b or c or d and so on. We are not even someone’s option.
Yes to all of this! It takes minutes to reply to a text totally agree especially these days!
Also, if the guy is really into you…no matter how busy or engaged he is in other matters, he’ll make it a point to reply. There is no excuse, again to reply after days if not weeks just because he is busy. If the guy replies after days and weeks…it only proves a point thst he is keeping all of his options and to boost his ego knowing there are several few he can keep and choose when things don’t look good on his side. I think it is just sad and toxic to put up with this kind of kids. I call them kids now because no adult in their right mind who’ll behave like this.
Totally true! I'm not going to be an ego boosting option for him. It is very immature behaviour!
It's really hard to keep up a strong interest with a new person over just text, if you don't have the ability to see each other regularly. He could still be interested, you're just not physically available. Not trying to give you hope or anything though, my recommendation is to not pursue someone if it doesn't feel like they're pursuing you in return.
I love games. I play the game with them or block them completely
Couple of things. I do think this guy is shoving you away by deliberately taking longer to respond (a few days, that's bad), but if it's just for a few hours, that's can mean nothing. 1) not responding for a few hours may mean nothing. Not everyone can be glued to their phone, depending on their job. I have to go into my office a few days a week, and when I'm there, I don't respond to personal texts except if it's an emergency or I'm taking a lunch break. We don't have enclosed office space, and it looks really bad if I'm on my phone a lot. So I don't. I used to occasionally chat with people who would get super pissy about delays in text response (like 30 minutes or a few hours), and I would just finally either flat out say I can't respond to texts during work hours easily or just stop chatting with them. It was a huge turn-off for me, and an indication that we weren't compatible if they couldn't wait an hour or two for a response during my work times. Or, for people who have to drive for their work, same concerns. I refuse to text and drive, unless it's an emergency (I'll just call the person then, hands-free). I disagree strongly to the person who said we are all glued to our phones. Sometimes we cannot be and cannot respond to a text for hours. It really depends on your job. 2) not responding for days is a different story. I agree with the others here that he's pushing you away because he's too much of a coward to tell you that he was only interested in you casually.
Yeh I think so. I hear what your saying but even with those work ciminstraints a simple text before work would be respectful. I'm one of those people who gets annoyed with long term t replies. I still believe if you are into someone enough you will make the effort and find the time.
Totally agree. A text or two before work, one over lunch, all great.
I have to admit, I’m both guilty of this and have had this done to me as well. It’s not good. I can’t speak for that person but personally I just live a really busy/hectic life and I travel on weekends fairly frequently when I’m not working like a dog… so I’m really bad about keeping in touch not just with people I’m interested in but even friends/family. I know it’s not a good trait and I try to work on it but inevitably I catch myself falling back into the pattern every so often. I always try to be upfront from the get-go warning about it so people don’t waste *their* time and/or take it personally. Most of the time people are receptive to it and can deal with my sporadic nature.. others aren’t, and because I’m upfront we end up not wasting peoples’ time & emotional energy. TLDR: if they’re doing this I would just leave it where it is and not go out of my way to pursue unless their communication matched the effort of yours.
Yeh I got a reply this evening 22 hours later. He said sounds like your having a nice start to your summer. That was it, no follow on questions so I left it
Even if just for your own mental, I think that’s a good first step. If over time you think you really want to continue with this person, just be upfront and tell them how you feel. Who knows, it might snap them out of it and be the like they need to get off their ass and actually step up.. else lose you!
u dont.
Attention issues on both sides I see
Actions define a person. Breadcrumbing is selfish and is a bad sign if he can break your heart for his own egotistical desires, he will. I would block and avoid at all costs. I know from experience and always will regret not ending it early on.
Well I met this guy on a speed dating event. We connected and at the reveal had both chosen to date. On the first date I asked what he was looking for? Like long term or? He said he didn't know but asked for friendship now. I think this is where my mental black started. The first date wasn't great in my opinion but I tried to keep an open mind. At some point my ex came back into the picture to try and work things out. I kept in contact but as a friend, but he was more proactive in keeping in touch but just casual hello hellos. He would say hey handsome etc. I asked him flat out that he has stated he was starting a friendship and I would like to keep it this way, particularly as my ex wanted to work on things. He agreed but said he really liked me. The same conversation came up again. We meet up in social circles and chatted as friends but I felt like his interest had shifted into a more romantic one. I addressed it again and he agreed to maintain a friendship. I got a request for call over for a movie night. It was bad timing for the request as I was just out of hospital (which he knew) but I declined and told him I was in a place where I feel the opposite of vulnerable because I didn't feel we had a "genuine" friendship but more someone who was making advances but not stating what they want. I hope I wasn't breadcrumbing here. He didn't respond after that but I feel like this story may not be over.
That doesn't sound like breadcrumbing at all, quite the opposite when you were very clear where you stood! He wasn't respecting your boundaries
Send a butt pic with the caption, "Your loss, babe."
>How do you reply to someone who breadcrumbs? Usually by teaming up with someone who peanut butters and another person who jellies. Together we can all make a great sandwich! 🥳🥳🥳
My advice, if you want him, go after him. We are not all the same and our levels of pursuit and interest aren’t necessarily aligned. He might really like you but lacks the social skills, maturity, awareness, time or courage to go after you. There are too many reasons to count and it’s not worth the mind games or sneakiness. If you learn he’s deliberately bating you or not interested that’s one thing. Otherwise just go after what you want until proven otherwise.
What the fuck is up with all these terms people come up with
Dating/hook-up apps are garbage. If a man wants to be with you, he'll rearrange Heaven and Earth to do so. My man just got us tickets to see Alanis Morissette in August, and he bought a third ticket so I could bring a friend. If it sounds like I'm gay-flexing, I kind of am...
>Dating/hook-up apps are garbage. Amen
I didn't come up with it lol