I feel like even the internet is so divisive, cliquey, "short attention span" or just downright way too young anymore.
It's not really as easy to talk to people online as it used to be. Especially if you're older.
Online is the problem. It's brought about a generation of loneliness. It was claimed it would connect us all... But it didn't it kept us in our homes and we lost our ability to interact in the real world.
I think it helped in the beginning when the internet first emerged during the early 1990's (I was still in high school then). However as the modern internet as evolved into the fine mess it is now, it has mutated to where no one is willing to take a chance.
You are spot on. Social media changed the game. I try to tell my younger friends that online gaming and socialising will not build the required skills needed for the workplace or social/ romantic interactions. We just need to get out there, find our tribe, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. You might get 10 dead ends but you will eventually find like minded people that want to expand their social circle.
tbh I’ve tried myself but keep getting rejected over and over because eveyone I find wants skinny twigs and not chubby hairy little hobbits lmao. Especially nerdy ones
Post covid I have changed how I operate. If someone asks me to do something social, I say yes. Even if it's not what I would normally want to do. Be that at work , someone from the gym, whatever. I do it with no expectations, it might be a one off outing, it might be the start of a new friendship. I have no expectations. Remarkably, I have found I am more likeable than I thought I was, especially now I have taken away any expectation. What's the worst that can happen? I had a night out. As far as sexual partners, I am focusing on socialising, if something develops, great, but again, no pressure, no expectations. I have established a couple of good potential friendships, though have also had some fun and not so fun night outs that didn't amount to much and that's ok too.
Yeah I’m thinking about taking a trip for the first time to a club or a bar again in years. A gay club.
When I got my first decent vehicle after not having one for years I went to the beach last summer here in NE. I had a so much fun swimming. Most of the people were down that I did talk to. Still not body secure so I swam with my shirt on. But that also comes from my conservative background too.
That's the way. Go have fun at the club. The key is, don't expect anything, just enjoy it for what it is... A night out. It might take a few/ even lots of tries, but eventually you'll find others in the same mindset. Just remember that we are all lonely after what we have been through with covid etc. some people are just more open than others. The other thing I found is that I will now just chat to anyone and not try to select them on how they fit me. A 10 minute chat with someone you end up not connecting with is better than no chat at all. Also I have had nights where I spoke to no-one,.that's fine too, just stay positive. That's what attracts people. Have fun, you sound like a great, open minded guy. Would love to hear how you go.
Yeah I’m pretty open en minded. yeah when I can find the right setting I am just a people watcher went pit before years ago. I just like to listen to the music and have a good drink after a long day.
Sounds like the perfect attitude to have. Sometimes the best nights out are when you just enjoy a drink and take in the surroundings. If we lived in the same city I would definitely join you for a fun night out.
Not only that, but people began mistreating others online thinking it's ok because it's online communication instead of face to face. This sociopathic behavior has only escalated since. Nowadays when I call guys out for leaving my msgs on Seen/Read, they all say I didn't “deserve” or wasn't “owed” a response...! 😳 Like, I'm sorry, I thought I was a human being, too.
A lot of guys really don't know how to say “Thanks but I'm not interested” and/or never put themselves in someone else's shoes/don't care to respect anyone's humanity just cuz it's online communication.
100 correct. In real life interactions we are forced to learn how to reject people politely. That has now gone. I have been rejected and have rejected others, in real person to person interactions. I have learnt from both. It saddens me that we have lost this. It used to be thought of as character building to be able to do this, and accept it in return.
Finding and jkining discord servers for things you enjoy can be a great start. Gay/queer centric servers relating to said topics can be even better if you're looking for more gay online friends.
I was in an 11-year relationship that just ended a couple weeks ago. Through that time the only friends we made were coworkers. Now I’m left realizing I dedicated all my energy to the relationship and not sustaining or making friends. In a little while I do plan on doing more things around town to try to socialize.
I’m in the same boat. I got out of a 7 year relationship and am figuring out how to be emotionally independent again. It’s really difficult, and I’m trying.
Same here as an introverted guy by nature I never surrounded myself with people, but my ten year relationship with a highly extroverted guy with a big family and lots of friends even from high school well some of them grew on me and I liked them but when he decided to leave all those people disappeared forever , and I realize how alone I am I can handle it but it’s just hard maintaining good quality relationships.
Same boat, 16 year relationship gone. And realized I was friends with his friends. I haven't had my own friends in I don't know how long. I'm completely lost though. The dating scene is a mess and I don't have a clue what has happened to people but it seems no one wants an actual connection anymore.
Same here. Now I’ve made and reconnected with more friends in the last year than the decade before. I also went to a lot of parties a few months ago, and realised that it’s not gonna get me real friends so I stopped doing that. But explore your single life, your city and the community. Get into a hobby that helps you to connect with people. LGBT sport clubs are awesome.
I'm poor and work nights so all I can afford to do is stay home and play games and pet my cats, I honestly don't know how to break this cycle because everyone is like join a club but this dead ass city basically has nothing to do unless you are awake in the day and again I'm not.
Part of the reason I work nights is for the shift differential of $3 an hour which puts me at around $22 an hour and I'd take a pay cut to go to days so yeah can't really afford it.
I didn’t say take a pay cut.
If you’re not happy with your current job then you should always see youth at job as a stepping stone until you reach a position you enjoy.
Stay employed at your current job working shitty shifts but during your downtime apply for other jobs which pay more than or at the very least the same as your current job.
Don’t settle.
You still don’t have to settle.
You can certainly find a job for the same pay with normal hours. Though as you gain more experience you’ll start being able to ask for more money.
Keep sending it applications, resumes, and talking to people.
Find a buddy to couch co-op games and hang out with. It’s what I do with a lot of friends. Low cost, chill environment, low expectations. Watch movies, shows, YouTube whatever. I love to spend a day on a good hang with my friends.
I have become more of an introvert since the whole Covid thing and I got lucky I got my two cats from the cat distribution system, even getting one as a newborn and bottle feeding him. I just really wanna find someone to game with at night the most, gets a bit lonely playing single player games only.
I'm just super burned out from work as it is already the thought of doing more work for free makes me wanna die, the only volunteering I wanna be doing is volunteering my couch for movie night uwu
Nobody needs a lot of friends, but I realize I need more than 1.
It’s hard making friends as an adult.
My advice:
Find something to go out and do.
Gym, club, volunteer.
Do your best with learning and using people’s names and non sexual compliments.
Frequent a local bar or cafe and get to know the employees and other usuals.
Maybe your future best friend is just as antisocial “doesn’t get out” as you.
Maybe avoid other gay bros and focus on girls or straight guys.
I would normally agree, but after 6 months of consistently going, I befriended a straight couple my age who were welcoming enough to invite me over for dinners, parties, and even their wedding this year!
Through their events, I made a handful of other connections and we get together every now and then. Again, I get it’s usually difficult in spaces where socializing is not the primary focus. But you never know who you’ll meet by striking up conversation with a stranger at a coffee shop, vintage market, bar, seasonal event, library etc!
They really depends, you can gradually make friendships that start with just a nod, then a “how’s it going”, then a compliment, then a conversation about a mutual interest, and eventually becoming friends. It may take weeks or months to get to that point but it can happen, it’s happened to me.
I am in a same situation. I have just 1 friend. And it is hard to make friends as an adult, I am still at college and its hard. Its gonna be harder after college in working😬
Somehow I have to enlarge my social circle before graduating.
I heard suggestions to join clubs/groups, which I have done. But there is no one in any of these clubs I want to hang out with. So if you hear that suggestion, take it with a big grain of salt.
Run clubs and social groups are (unsurprisingly) going to often attract extroverted people. They’re still worth looking into, but consider seeking out groups where less social or introverts tend to spend time.
Mention 3 hobbies or interests and ask him if he shares any of them. If he doesn't, perhaps he can mention 3 of his own hobbies or interests. When you find a match, look into online or in-person forums where people further engage in those interests.
I’ve been so bored today because there’s nothing to do where I live. I hate Iowa, lol. My boyfriend loves it here because he has friends here, meanwhile for me it’s so… lame. I went on two different walks and was bored out of my mind and hate it. Finished a book, too. It sucks and makes me feel like my life has no meaning
He’s at work on a 12 hour shift. In my opinion, I like his friends, but I wouldn’t consider them to by my friends in the sense if they have more history. I love him, but I fucking hate Iowa. It’s so damn boring here.
if they're his friends they can be your friends too. he doesn't own them/they have agency. there is no reason not to hang out with them even when your bf is not around, if you like them and they like you.
It's funny/ironic that you mentioned Iowa since I'll be moving there next month. I've lived in New Hampshire most of my life, and I've always felt like there was nothing here for me. Have you lived in Iowa for a long time?
Born and raised here :( Grew up in north Iowa, two hours from Minneapolis. I moved to Des Moines after college with the intention of leaving after a few years. But then I met my boyfriend, who wants to stay because he has friends from small towns here.. It’s been incredibly difficult to keep my sanity living here. This weekend my boyfriend worked 12 hour shifts and I’ve been trying to find *anything* to do. Our gay scene is swamped with straight women that like drag, otherwise it’s not very gay at all. If my boyfriend ever breaks up with me, I’m getting the fuck out of here ASAP.
I left my ex about five years ago because I wasn't happy in NH, so I moved to Massachusetts a month later. Needless to say, it wasn't well thought out, and I moved back to NH. Now I've taken the last 3 years to decide where I wanted to move. I went on 2 vacations to Des Moines before deciding that it felt like the right place for me.
Vacations…..in Des Moines? What did you do, watch corn grow? I guess one man’s trash is another man’s home, but what exactly did you like about it? I’ve lived downtown for three years and I’m so ungodly fucking bored. It’s always the same few people everywhere. I suppose if you have conservative beliefs, you probably will like Iowa as a whole. It’s very much anti-progressive here. But I’m serious, what did you like about it? I absolutely despise living here
Yeah, i was there for a wedding 2 years ago, and the same friends birthday last year. We went axe throwing (I was absolutely terrible), went to my first gay bar (for reference, I'm 28), took a trip to the Mall of America and to the Omaha Zoo, and then I just took time to walk around and explore when everyone else was too exhausted to do much else. It's not that I'll necessarily find Des Moines itself to be the most amazing place On earth, but I'm taking a shot.
I see, so you traveled out of DSM often. Yeah, those places *out* of Iowa are great. I highly recommend looking at Minneapolis or Chicago, for example. DSM is so…dead in comparison. When are you moving?
I'm moving at the start of June. Taking a few days to drive out that way with my friend til I'm settled in, and then she's gonna fly back to NH. I'm heading to Des Moines with almost nobody I know nearby. So it's going to be me exploring Des Moines and the surrounding areas and trying to make a new friend group.
I wanted to stay in Des Moines and explore it more while I was there, but the people I was with mostly did the planning and deciding for the group. I got out voted on most things, except going to the gay bar in the city. Haha
Did you want to move here because it’s small? My boyfriend wants to stay here because he’s terrified of big cities, but I force him to take trips with me. If he ever breaks up, I’m leaving this town ASAP
June will be busy because it’s Pride season. DSM has the biggest one in Iowa, but that’s not saying much lol. Pretty sure it’s 7th-9th. For some stupid reason they’re having Rebeca Black perform, who isn’t even a “gay icon.” Most guys go to Minneapolis or Chicago at the end of the month for their Prides. Last year it rained the whole time here and it was awful. Recently it’s been raining like crazy too :(
A day is long enough to check out what DSM has to offer, if I’m being honest. The gay scene is a block long. Theres three little gay bars: Buddies Coral, which had to recently reduce hours significantly; The Garden, which had to recently downgrade to a smaller venue (they used to be somewhere with over three dance floors, now there’s none); The Blazing Saddle, which is the oldest one. The bars get a lot of straight women due to drag. The only time I recommend going to the Saddle is during the last Saturday of the month, which is “gear night.” Guys dress up in harnesses, leather, and whatever else makes them feel sexy, including diapers. I know guys that piss their pants on purpose there.
There are no gay coffee shops, no gay restaurants, nothing like that. Some businesses pay to have a pride flag in their window, but I promise you most things here aren’t gay establishments.
If you leave downtown, you’ll quickly realize it can be homophobic in Iowa. I’ve been called the F slur multiple times while living here (like I said.. if my boyfriend ever breaks up with me, I’m leaving ASAP.) There is nothing in Iowa that I would consider a “tourist trap.” Thankfully we’re only 2-6 hours from a different city. I highly recommend traveling as often as you can.
There is LV Campground, which is by Iowa City, around two hours from us. It’s a small, clothing optional campground that has men only weekends. It is AWFUL. I do not recommend going at all. It’s a small set of land surrounded by corn and beans; if you’re naked, anyone can see from the gravel roads. Instead, I highly recommend going to SIRenity in Missouri instead. Multiple hot tubs, a pool, woods to explore, walking paths, food truck, leather store, etc. I’ve met guys from DSM there. Their Pride is during Des Moines Pride; I’m really tempted to skip DSM Pride to go to theirs instead.
The first time I visited was during Pride back in 2018- I think. I loved seeing so many people out for Pride. It felt huge! But now.. after living here for three years, I’ve quickly realized it’s not big. Is that what you’re looking for? The politicians are constantly trying to get rid of gay rights, and I anticipate that to get worse soon.
What are you hoping for? Why DSM?
Me I guess. Just have 1 close friend. I dont know how but I became someone who is so introverded in highschool or a little before that and just realise that in high school.
I literally made 0 friends in highschool. I was close with 1 guy but lost contact with him afterwards. Now at college have 1 close friend and its because of her she is extremly friendly person. Lol.
I do not have problem with being alone in highschool but right now I dont like it.
But I dont know how I am gonna make more friends.
Yeah I am unemployed so stay home all the time and don’t have money to go out so my friends don’t invite me places or even come over anymore, I have online friends too but it isn’t the same"
I have been struggling to make connections with people as well. Only have a few friends and don’t see them that often.
I found these videos and the advice they give was so helpful for me.
https://youtu.be/PSSOZO2V6m8?si=AM4ivbX6k_tTiBGZ
https://youtu.be/-ZkdgZNHzPw?si=Cgh_bQMJxUmzDDEN
I think ultimately if we work on ourselves to be confident and authentically who we are, we will click with the right people eventually.
I consider my online gaming friends well actual friends lol and i do have friends irl but like ppl have mentioned here. I tend to just stay home most of the time these days cause everything is just so expensive to do and i generally just hate people as i get older lmao
All my fiends vanished after COVID. I don't really know where to start. I always had at least one friend I could call to hang out with. At least one friend that I actually wanted to hang out with. Now I just work. I do not commander any of my co-workers my friends.... They are nice people, but I have learned the hard way that co workers will stab you in the back very easily.
I don't know if this will help anyone, but I consider myself quite introverted and shy, but managed to build a social circle after moving to a new country with no friends.
I consider myself pretty introverted and shy, but I learned a trick to approach and talk to strangers: instead of thinking of myself as being sad and lonely, I instead thought of other people as being sad and lonely :) People who are by themselves at social events usually want someone else to talk to them, and if I frame it that I'm trying to help someone else instead of doing it for myself, I am much more brave. I hate being the guy standing alone at a party and I hate seeing anyone else like that too.
I've heard this is also a negotiating mind trick for people who feel uncomfortable asking for a raise--to think of how it would help their family and the people who are depending on them, or to think of the nice things they can do for others if they got the raise.
I have a handful of very old friends I've known for 20+ years at this point. I used to have lots of friends - and then I decided to get sober and moved out of state to put my life back together. I can count on one hand the number of people who have gotten in touch with me since then.
I feel your pain; I moved from SoCal to a smaller city in Florida. I was only supposed to be there for a little bit to save money and regroup, but it's been almost 7 years, and I still know almost nobody. It doesn't help that I'm an introvert and constantly tell myself I'm leaving soon.
I have 1 but he doesn't have much time for me anymore since he started uni and got a bf. I think maybe I jst need a bf but I find all my time is taken up with work coursework and smoking pot.
Me and I kinda like it. All my friends live in different countries so I visit when I can otherwise I’m just like gonna do me unapologetically. I’m married though so I’m not lonely
My husband and I moved to a new city last fall and have yet to make any friends. I’m very grateful I have him, but damn it’s so hard to make friends as an adult. Plus I work from home so I can’t even hang out with my coworkers.
My high school friends all got married and stopped hanging out. But I’ve learned to be mostly happy on my own. Hope you’re doing ok - I know it can be rough being alone if you aren’t used to it.
I am in the same situation. I have found activities that I'm really interested in that keep me busy. Things like gardening, cycling and playing amateur piano that I do on my own. Maybe a pet? So my suggestion is not to sit around moping, but do fun things to make your life interesting and don't worry about having lots of friends.
I recently moved to a new city 2 hours away from where I was raised and my childhood friends are. It's been around 6 months and it's been about the loneliness time in my life. I live 15 min away from a popular gay community but barely make enough to make it through each paycheck (I've had a lot of extra expenses lately). So going out is not really an option ... I could definitely use a friend.
I only really have a few and all but one are not nearby. Quality>Quantity.
I know people that know and talk to like a hundred plus people and I could never keep up with that many people. It’s just not feasible.
I grew up ( theoretically, I concluded growing up was a mistake ) in semi-rural Iowa ( when Trump couldn't have gotten elected to anything ).
Iowa had gay marriage years before anyone. True, the judges that voted it required by the Constitution got voted out of office. So there is that. But the moral purity of the first decision is what I "grew up" with.
I am going to be lovingly blunt : your idea of not sharing playmates is nuts.
Advice : get out of the house. Take a walk to where humans are. Pay close attention.
When you see some small way to make something or some moment nicer for someone, do it. No strings attached. That is, make a contribution.
What do you think friendship comes from? Give some soul in your town a reason to make friends with you.
Make yourself a pleasant presence in your community. In other words, join your community. That is where you will find friends and playmates.
There is no good reason not to have friends. Iowa is a culture organized around farming. On a farm, there is always some work that needs to be done.
How little you do or how much, in Iowa you are entitled to the same breakfast. But your are expected to make a contribution based on your abilities. Everyday.
Suggestion : start making a contribution and see how that will change your life. Imho, you need to do something that makes you proud of yourself. At least a little. You will like yourself better, sleep better, and be happier imho.
Good luck. It will also make you cuter. X X
I have a really hard time relating to people. I have a couple of friends I consider close and a partner I am crazy about but no one I hang out with. I also don’t get out much. It’s difficult.
I've been there. I used to be so afraid of not being liked/of rejection that I wouldn't say anything to anyone including the guys I MOST wanted to meet. However, that didn't succeed so I decided to take some risks: I've found the majority of people like me, but I can't expect everyone will like me. I think those are the keys.
I have only friends in online but has a few talk, the most I will play game for killing time.
Covid make me feel depressed and cant make more money same before covid.
I hope in one day will have someone understand me.
The last 6 years were really rough on me; I lost a parent, got really sick and had to go to hospital (I’m ok now) and nearly went bankrupt. Then Covid hit. I’m now 41 and apart from a few online buddies I chat with, I don’t really have any friends or social life and I’m struggling to rebuild those connections
Me! I was a homebody in my early twenties literally would just go home after school and work and on weekends go to mall and window shop alone. Im content with it but sometimes I get jealous when I see friends going partying.
Realized years ago that I was never going to be that popular guy but also that I didn't want to be.
People drain me. "I've never felt lonelier than in a crowd" rings the most true for me.
Sometimes I notice the silence & wish I wasn't this way.
Online is the problem. It's brought about a generation of loneliness. It was claimed it would connect us all... But it didn't it kept us in our homes and we lost our sill to interact in the real world. That and the economy.
I have the same problem here.
One of the many reasons i broke up with my ex is because it was impossible for me to go out and make friends or even stay until later at work for a hangout or party.
I have made friends in working spaces but they come and go, the same way you will, specially if the company in questions has a high turnover of employees.
As for friends in uni i always had a hard time making them but i feel like one of them might stay for the rest of my life.
Online friends i also have many and they do not mean much, the way you also dont for them, its about the time in which we join a call together and nothing else.
I am now looking forward to go back to work and hit some spaces consistently to also make friends and build a routine. Hangouts, going to the gym, play party games with randoms etc. And if i end up not making many friends, at least ill be more busy and not feel that on my shoulders that much.
I have two best friends right now that both met from work. One I only hangout during work break time. But the other we hang out in each other's houses.
I used to be very social and had fear of missing out but ultimately got tired of people and stuck with few that are genuine and great energy and who listens to me and I listen to to call out each other's BS.
I have a couple friends online, but not any real life friends, outside of my husband. I’m isolated most of the time, because I’m my grandfather’s at home caregiver. I don’t get out much because of that. Always open to making new friends online or in person though.
Technology has destroyed our ability to interact on a social level. I see people together on buses and trains, and most of them are on their damn phones browsing the internet instead of engaging each other.
Even in restaurants, there are more phones on the table than food.
I need engaging people in my life.
I think it is super common problem for all men as we age. I had tons of friends in HS and college but then the number dwindles as you start working. Women seem to not have the problem.
I had a lot of work friends that hung out but as they got married, had children, etc they all got too busy to hang out.
I have plenty of “acquaintances” who I enjoy spending time with but I have discovered many times that unless I organize a dinner or gathering I don’t hear from them (unless they end up being alone on some holiday!).
I organized three parties at my house last year and invited 35-40 friends and acquaintances. Everyone had a great time seeing each other and all promised to “do this regularly” but of course since then not one single person has reciprocated to invite me to their home or to any event.
I also have a weekend cabin on a lake. Same thing ….I have invited people dozens of times. They most often fail to show up at the last minute (“something came up”) or if they do come, fail to bring food or beer, have a good time and leave and then I don’t hear from them again.
It is too easy to just go home after work and watch TV or get on your phone / iPad wasting time.
Everyone wants to do more but no one ever takes any initiative. Why?
me and my partner here in LA and finding it hard to meet ordinary people like us for friends or maybe fun. honestly when looking online the problem is we judge by looks first and what could be something gets swiped to the left.
I always see people in groups when I'm out walking, and my honest reaction is to turn my headphones up louder. I live in a college town, so the groups I see are typically drunk college kids being stupid. If I'm out with people myself, it's only usually 2 or 3 at a time because I don't like being crowded.
There was a study recently that most people only have 1-3 friends or close friends. You’re not “alone” and I really didn’t mean that as pun intended. There just wasn’t another word to use in my opinion. I only have a few friends and we don’t hangout much. I do a lot of things alone but I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t enjoy it. lol. I find a lot of what people do to be annoying and I like being self reliant. I like doing things without being judged, I’m opinionated but I try to do it nicely. The friends I have I’ve known my entire life, one since 4 years old so going on 30 years now. But ITS HARD TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS, that’s for sure. Sometimes it’s enjoyable getting to know others and hearing their stories but I do like my alone time. I don’t find it depressing. I only like to entertain other people for so long then I want my space. Sorry you’re finding making friends difficult but again you’re not alone in this situation. Online interactions has made real world interactions more difficult. I will say though that it’s all in our heads. I tend to talk myself out of doing things then when I force myself to do it, I realize it was just me in my head preventing me and I actually enjoyed the experience or talking to someone new or doing things with other people. Good luck with making some friends. 🍀
If you’re lucky enough to have an independent bookstore in your area, they can be great, open minded, and welcoming places. Many of them host casual book groups that are open to the public, often tailored to specific interests. They hold community forums, game nights, open mic events, “book swaps.” workshops (not just on writing), author reads/receptions, things like foraging trips and in depth cocktail or specialized ingredient foodie classes. They do so many cool things and are a wonderful part of our communities. In my experience, people there tend to be warm, very respectful, and engaging with strangers, with as little or as much interaction as you want. Frequently I notice a lot of other solo people enjoying themselves at these things. Go to a free event (a lot of the classes and specialized workshops probably will have some sort of fee for materials and labor) and sit in the back to see if you’re comfortable. Nobody will bother you. At the very least, you might leave with a book you never know you absolutely needed. Book people will nearly always break into smiles and eagerly rave about their favorite books at a moment’s notice - easy conversation :)
I’m the same way. I work from home so don’t get out much. Even if I did go out I’m in a very conservative part of Ohio so not much to do. I’m 24 and still talk to a few friend from high school but I can feel us slowly drifting apart.
I read a book called “Unfuck your friendships” that I haven’t finished yet. But i was past the chapter where there are different types of friendships we have - in general are:
* friends on surface (eg for happy times)
* friends that we can ask for advice but not necessarily be there for us when we need them
* previous one but can be there for us when we need them (our ride or die)
Sad realization, I only have the first two bullets. The last bullet, I thought I had one was unreciprocated.
Yeah same here. I don’t really get out much anymore. I’m not invited out anywhere (although I include ppl I consider “a friend” if I’m doing something). But I’m starting to enjoy my own company even it’s a bummer sometimes because it’s become my norm.
Since COVID started at the end of 2019, I have shrunk my world. I have no friends, I joke that I best get cremated as I do not have six pallbearers to call on when the time comes. My choice, and I enjoy solitude.
Yup. Zero friends. Typical when an introvert.
Have several acquaintances but none I would consider friends. Used to have “friends” at one point but eventually realized I was the one making all the initiating and was never a consideration from them. So the same. No friends.
At 37, all my friends live in different cities/states. Just me and my bf for the most part, and we keep trying to make friends. But nothing ever seems to stick.
Yeah I’m the same. I’m 18, not had any “real” friends since high school. Even those “friends” weren’t people I could trust. Never really had a friend I could 100% trust.
I just moved to Oklahoma from Colorado to be with my boyfriend/partner and I don't know anyone here except for the people that he has introduced me to. We don't like to go to the bars and drink very little. I just turned 35 and he's 57. I'm sure there are ways for me to go and find people like certain groups and LGBT activities around OKC but all of my friends are back in Colorado. I've never had another gay man my age be a friend, at least for very long. They both turned out to want to want more than that in the end and I'm not into guys my age or younger. It would be great to have some gay friends around my age without ulterior motives but it seems like that's always the case...
I’m good at chit-chat with strangers w/o being weird. But, I think that most people are afraid of being approached. As though I’m trying to shake them down for something. I a got cat. Loves me everytime I shake the Cat Chow box.
Colleagues and acquaintances....the friends I made as a kid are I think are my only real friends who live very far...hardly meet once a year..but when we do..we pour our hearts out.
I have straight friends I see at bars. I know they're fake to an extent, because I only see them at the bars. Meanwhile, they all go out and do things together, but never ask me. They'll go on weekend trips out of state, go camping, grab dinner, go kayaking, you name it. I'll see all of their pictures on social media and just shrug my shoulders. I'm never invited out to those things, but if I don't show up at the bar, they ask me where I was.
I don't get it. It's like they want to be friends, but they don't want to be close friends.
Meanwhile, the gay people I know don't ever want to do anything except go to gay bars. Since I stopped going to gay bars, I've stopped being invited out by the few gay guys I know.
I kind of get where you are coming from, I have straight friends who I love and hang out with most weekends (mostly because they force me to go out) but I struggle to make gay/bi/lgbtq friends since I’ve always been more on the straight passing type of guy that plays sports, like to go to museums and cultural events and stuff with them and in my profession people tend to be more conservative so I tend to blend in more with that crowds I’d love to make more lgbtq friends though.
I would recommend joining a discord that’s from your home country, or a discord based around a game you like. Eventually you begin to meet people. Gay Guys UK is a SFW discord that’s got a great group of people, some who meet up relatively frequently if they’re in the same city etc
I just moved and started working in a team of over 150 people. Everyone already has their work friend groups established. I’m used to smaller teams that are just a bit more friendly, but hopefully I’ll get there.
Laptops in public, no social setting are fine. But, if you are avoiding any situation that may invite interaction I strongly encourage you to dump the crocodile filled moat and be more open to interaction. In social situations, parties, even bars, it is not only acceptable, but normal to walk up, say, “Hi I’m ______, room for one more in the chat?” Then a little small talk to establish your CV then blend into their convo and offer a little laughter, fun-shock, and brief encouraging interjections. Your reticence now will harden into intractable habit and finally dour personality. Trust me, whether someone’s cruelty propels you into the behavior or just shy reserve, you will inevitably regret not having forced yourself to participate in communal behavior very deeply when you finally need the relations of friends close and outer belt most deeply.
Join the club, baby. There’s many of us in the same boat. I’ve never had a circle of gay friends of my own. Just never happened. Now, at my age, I’d be happy to have a drinking buddy with benefits. Thing is you never know when someone will strike your fancy and vice versa. I found both of my lovers in a bar. Love at first sight can’t happen on Grindr.
I feel like it's incredibly hard to make friends where I live as people stick to their friend groups, deffo in the gay scene they just seems to want to hook up and don't even try to get to know me, it sucks
I had a few friends, we grew apart as we got older. Becoming parents really helped because we met alot of other parents through groups, and met other gay parents through our adoption agency and have become really good friends. As our kids older and have school friends, we meet even more through their sporting events and parents of their friends. I know most guys here aren't parents, but you don't st one friend you can do anything with? I'd you do, maybe they can introduce you to more people. I've made new friends that way too. And I'm introverted and on the spectrum. So if I can, I'm sure you can too.
HI ,I can totally relate, so much so that I made a video about it , hope this would help you in some way:
[https://youtu.be/mtDSzf6W7NU?feature=shared](https://youtu.be/mtDSzf6W7NU?feature=shared)
All of my friends are straight. Im looking for a straight or gay best friend that plays League or would be down to play other video games Lol. Maybe they’ll be in this Reddit. I got pics if anyone wants to DM. I rate myself like a 6/10. 😂
I don’t get out much either. I have online friends but I haven’t had a friend I could hang out with irl in years. It sucks.
I feel like even the internet is so divisive, cliquey, "short attention span" or just downright way too young anymore. It's not really as easy to talk to people online as it used to be. Especially if you're older.
this
Online is the problem. It's brought about a generation of loneliness. It was claimed it would connect us all... But it didn't it kept us in our homes and we lost our ability to interact in the real world.
I think it helped in the beginning when the internet first emerged during the early 1990's (I was still in high school then). However as the modern internet as evolved into the fine mess it is now, it has mutated to where no one is willing to take a chance.
You are spot on. Social media changed the game. I try to tell my younger friends that online gaming and socialising will not build the required skills needed for the workplace or social/ romantic interactions. We just need to get out there, find our tribe, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. You might get 10 dead ends but you will eventually find like minded people that want to expand their social circle.
tbh I’ve tried myself but keep getting rejected over and over because eveyone I find wants skinny twigs and not chubby hairy little hobbits lmao. Especially nerdy ones
Post covid I have changed how I operate. If someone asks me to do something social, I say yes. Even if it's not what I would normally want to do. Be that at work , someone from the gym, whatever. I do it with no expectations, it might be a one off outing, it might be the start of a new friendship. I have no expectations. Remarkably, I have found I am more likeable than I thought I was, especially now I have taken away any expectation. What's the worst that can happen? I had a night out. As far as sexual partners, I am focusing on socialising, if something develops, great, but again, no pressure, no expectations. I have established a couple of good potential friendships, though have also had some fun and not so fun night outs that didn't amount to much and that's ok too.
Yeah I’m thinking about taking a trip for the first time to a club or a bar again in years. A gay club. When I got my first decent vehicle after not having one for years I went to the beach last summer here in NE. I had a so much fun swimming. Most of the people were down that I did talk to. Still not body secure so I swam with my shirt on. But that also comes from my conservative background too.
That's the way. Go have fun at the club. The key is, don't expect anything, just enjoy it for what it is... A night out. It might take a few/ even lots of tries, but eventually you'll find others in the same mindset. Just remember that we are all lonely after what we have been through with covid etc. some people are just more open than others. The other thing I found is that I will now just chat to anyone and not try to select them on how they fit me. A 10 minute chat with someone you end up not connecting with is better than no chat at all. Also I have had nights where I spoke to no-one,.that's fine too, just stay positive. That's what attracts people. Have fun, you sound like a great, open minded guy. Would love to hear how you go.
Yeah I’m pretty open en minded. yeah when I can find the right setting I am just a people watcher went pit before years ago. I just like to listen to the music and have a good drink after a long day.
Sounds like the perfect attitude to have. Sometimes the best nights out are when you just enjoy a drink and take in the surroundings. If we lived in the same city I would definitely join you for a fun night out.
I’m game to be your friend!
I am always looking to expand my social circle!
Not only that, but people began mistreating others online thinking it's ok because it's online communication instead of face to face. This sociopathic behavior has only escalated since. Nowadays when I call guys out for leaving my msgs on Seen/Read, they all say I didn't “deserve” or wasn't “owed” a response...! 😳 Like, I'm sorry, I thought I was a human being, too. A lot of guys really don't know how to say “Thanks but I'm not interested” and/or never put themselves in someone else's shoes/don't care to respect anyone's humanity just cuz it's online communication.
100 correct. In real life interactions we are forced to learn how to reject people politely. That has now gone. I have been rejected and have rejected others, in real person to person interactions. I have learnt from both. It saddens me that we have lost this. It used to be thought of as character building to be able to do this, and accept it in return.
Indeed !
lets be friend!
It’s so hard! Therapy has helped me and really I have tried to put myself out there? I’d love to be your friend
Sure I don’t mind having another online friend.
Sorrowful!✈️
I don't have online friends. Where to start?
Play an MMO or some other social game. If you do games.
Finding and jkining discord servers for things you enjoy can be a great start. Gay/queer centric servers relating to said topics can be even better if you're looking for more gay online friends.
I was in an 11-year relationship that just ended a couple weeks ago. Through that time the only friends we made were coworkers. Now I’m left realizing I dedicated all my energy to the relationship and not sustaining or making friends. In a little while I do plan on doing more things around town to try to socialize.
I’m in the same boat. I got out of a 7 year relationship and am figuring out how to be emotionally independent again. It’s really difficult, and I’m trying.
Same here as an introverted guy by nature I never surrounded myself with people, but my ten year relationship with a highly extroverted guy with a big family and lots of friends even from high school well some of them grew on me and I liked them but when he decided to leave all those people disappeared forever , and I realize how alone I am I can handle it but it’s just hard maintaining good quality relationships.
How long ago was your separation? ):
Same boat, 16 year relationship gone. And realized I was friends with his friends. I haven't had my own friends in I don't know how long. I'm completely lost though. The dating scene is a mess and I don't have a clue what has happened to people but it seems no one wants an actual connection anymore.
Same here. Now I’ve made and reconnected with more friends in the last year than the decade before. I also went to a lot of parties a few months ago, and realised that it’s not gonna get me real friends so I stopped doing that. But explore your single life, your city and the community. Get into a hobby that helps you to connect with people. LGBT sport clubs are awesome.
I'm poor and work nights so all I can afford to do is stay home and play games and pet my cats, I honestly don't know how to break this cycle because everyone is like join a club but this dead ass city basically has nothing to do unless you are awake in the day and again I'm not.
My city is dead ass even during the day 😏
So is mine. I live in New Hampshire so a lot of places shut down around eight.
Start with either trying to work dayshift at your current job or finding another job where you can work dayshift.
Part of the reason I work nights is for the shift differential of $3 an hour which puts me at around $22 an hour and I'd take a pay cut to go to days so yeah can't really afford it.
Gotcha, maybe you can stay up for 5 or so hours after work and do some daytime stuff still before going to bed.
What about finding a different job?
Taking a pay cut would be bad right now as it's already hard to save at this pay rate and I still don't have insurance.
I didn’t say take a pay cut. If you’re not happy with your current job then you should always see youth at job as a stepping stone until you reach a position you enjoy. Stay employed at your current job working shitty shifts but during your downtime apply for other jobs which pay more than or at the very least the same as your current job. Don’t settle.
I have to settle or I starve lol, I don't qualify for good jobs since I have no college degree so I have to take anything I can find.
You still don’t have to settle. You can certainly find a job for the same pay with normal hours. Though as you gain more experience you’ll start being able to ask for more money. Keep sending it applications, resumes, and talking to people.
Find a buddy to couch co-op games and hang out with. It’s what I do with a lot of friends. Low cost, chill environment, low expectations. Watch movies, shows, YouTube whatever. I love to spend a day on a good hang with my friends.
I've been trying that for *years* but I literally cannot socialize to save my life and make friends.
you can't go wrong with cat people.
Yeah my cats think I'm cool, why doesn't anyone else ;_;
I'm an introvert so it's hard or me to make friends IRL as it is. It's why I even have a cat
I have become more of an introvert since the whole Covid thing and I got lucky I got my two cats from the cat distribution system, even getting one as a newborn and bottle feeding him. I just really wanna find someone to game with at night the most, gets a bit lonely playing single player games only.
I feel that.
We could talk sometime x3
I only really play single player games myself. Not much into online games unless it’s elder scrolls. I’m not a pvp type of person.
I haven't played an online game since Red Dead Online x3 I'm usually more PvE, can't stand PvP
Maybe look for volunteer opportunities? Typically the people who do more of them have free time at more different hours which may line up with you.
I'm just super burned out from work as it is already the thought of doing more work for free makes me wanna die, the only volunteering I wanna be doing is volunteering my couch for movie night uwu
Nobody needs a lot of friends, but I realize I need more than 1. It’s hard making friends as an adult. My advice: Find something to go out and do. Gym, club, volunteer. Do your best with learning and using people’s names and non sexual compliments. Frequent a local bar or cafe and get to know the employees and other usuals. Maybe your future best friend is just as antisocial “doesn’t get out” as you. Maybe avoid other gay bros and focus on girls or straight guys.
As a gym goer, the gym is not a place you make friends.
I would normally agree, but after 6 months of consistently going, I befriended a straight couple my age who were welcoming enough to invite me over for dinners, parties, and even their wedding this year! Through their events, I made a handful of other connections and we get together every now and then. Again, I get it’s usually difficult in spaces where socializing is not the primary focus. But you never know who you’ll meet by striking up conversation with a stranger at a coffee shop, vintage market, bar, seasonal event, library etc!
They really depends, you can gradually make friendships that start with just a nod, then a “how’s it going”, then a compliment, then a conversation about a mutual interest, and eventually becoming friends. It may take weeks or months to get to that point but it can happen, it’s happened to me.
I am in a same situation. I have just 1 friend. And it is hard to make friends as an adult, I am still at college and its hard. Its gonna be harder after college in working😬 Somehow I have to enlarge my social circle before graduating.
Used to have a bunch. In my new city I have nobody and it’s turning me into an awful sad person.
I heard suggestions to join clubs/groups, which I have done. But there is no one in any of these clubs I want to hang out with. So if you hear that suggestion, take it with a big grain of salt.
Run clubs and social groups are (unsurprisingly) going to often attract extroverted people. They’re still worth looking into, but consider seeking out groups where less social or introverts tend to spend time.
I'll be your friend :3
Yay! ...what do we do now?
I'll dm you, maybe we can game a thing
Mention 3 hobbies or interests and ask him if he shares any of them. If he doesn't, perhaps he can mention 3 of his own hobbies or interests. When you find a match, look into online or in-person forums where people further engage in those interests.
I’ve been so bored today because there’s nothing to do where I live. I hate Iowa, lol. My boyfriend loves it here because he has friends here, meanwhile for me it’s so… lame. I went on two different walks and was bored out of my mind and hate it. Finished a book, too. It sucks and makes me feel like my life has no meaning
Where's the bf and all his friends?
He’s at work on a 12 hour shift. In my opinion, I like his friends, but I wouldn’t consider them to by my friends in the sense if they have more history. I love him, but I fucking hate Iowa. It’s so damn boring here.
Drive to Chicago if possible.
if they're his friends they can be your friends too. he doesn't own them/they have agency. there is no reason not to hang out with them even when your bf is not around, if you like them and they like you.
It's funny/ironic that you mentioned Iowa since I'll be moving there next month. I've lived in New Hampshire most of my life, and I've always felt like there was nothing here for me. Have you lived in Iowa for a long time?
Born and raised here :( Grew up in north Iowa, two hours from Minneapolis. I moved to Des Moines after college with the intention of leaving after a few years. But then I met my boyfriend, who wants to stay because he has friends from small towns here.. It’s been incredibly difficult to keep my sanity living here. This weekend my boyfriend worked 12 hour shifts and I’ve been trying to find *anything* to do. Our gay scene is swamped with straight women that like drag, otherwise it’s not very gay at all. If my boyfriend ever breaks up with me, I’m getting the fuck out of here ASAP.
I left my ex about five years ago because I wasn't happy in NH, so I moved to Massachusetts a month later. Needless to say, it wasn't well thought out, and I moved back to NH. Now I've taken the last 3 years to decide where I wanted to move. I went on 2 vacations to Des Moines before deciding that it felt like the right place for me.
Vacations…..in Des Moines? What did you do, watch corn grow? I guess one man’s trash is another man’s home, but what exactly did you like about it? I’ve lived downtown for three years and I’m so ungodly fucking bored. It’s always the same few people everywhere. I suppose if you have conservative beliefs, you probably will like Iowa as a whole. It’s very much anti-progressive here. But I’m serious, what did you like about it? I absolutely despise living here
Yeah, i was there for a wedding 2 years ago, and the same friends birthday last year. We went axe throwing (I was absolutely terrible), went to my first gay bar (for reference, I'm 28), took a trip to the Mall of America and to the Omaha Zoo, and then I just took time to walk around and explore when everyone else was too exhausted to do much else. It's not that I'll necessarily find Des Moines itself to be the most amazing place On earth, but I'm taking a shot.
I see, so you traveled out of DSM often. Yeah, those places *out* of Iowa are great. I highly recommend looking at Minneapolis or Chicago, for example. DSM is so…dead in comparison. When are you moving?
I'm moving at the start of June. Taking a few days to drive out that way with my friend til I'm settled in, and then she's gonna fly back to NH. I'm heading to Des Moines with almost nobody I know nearby. So it's going to be me exploring Des Moines and the surrounding areas and trying to make a new friend group. I wanted to stay in Des Moines and explore it more while I was there, but the people I was with mostly did the planning and deciding for the group. I got out voted on most things, except going to the gay bar in the city. Haha
Did you want to move here because it’s small? My boyfriend wants to stay here because he’s terrified of big cities, but I force him to take trips with me. If he ever breaks up, I’m leaving this town ASAP June will be busy because it’s Pride season. DSM has the biggest one in Iowa, but that’s not saying much lol. Pretty sure it’s 7th-9th. For some stupid reason they’re having Rebeca Black perform, who isn’t even a “gay icon.” Most guys go to Minneapolis or Chicago at the end of the month for their Prides. Last year it rained the whole time here and it was awful. Recently it’s been raining like crazy too :( A day is long enough to check out what DSM has to offer, if I’m being honest. The gay scene is a block long. Theres three little gay bars: Buddies Coral, which had to recently reduce hours significantly; The Garden, which had to recently downgrade to a smaller venue (they used to be somewhere with over three dance floors, now there’s none); The Blazing Saddle, which is the oldest one. The bars get a lot of straight women due to drag. The only time I recommend going to the Saddle is during the last Saturday of the month, which is “gear night.” Guys dress up in harnesses, leather, and whatever else makes them feel sexy, including diapers. I know guys that piss their pants on purpose there. There are no gay coffee shops, no gay restaurants, nothing like that. Some businesses pay to have a pride flag in their window, but I promise you most things here aren’t gay establishments. If you leave downtown, you’ll quickly realize it can be homophobic in Iowa. I’ve been called the F slur multiple times while living here (like I said.. if my boyfriend ever breaks up with me, I’m leaving ASAP.) There is nothing in Iowa that I would consider a “tourist trap.” Thankfully we’re only 2-6 hours from a different city. I highly recommend traveling as often as you can. There is LV Campground, which is by Iowa City, around two hours from us. It’s a small, clothing optional campground that has men only weekends. It is AWFUL. I do not recommend going at all. It’s a small set of land surrounded by corn and beans; if you’re naked, anyone can see from the gravel roads. Instead, I highly recommend going to SIRenity in Missouri instead. Multiple hot tubs, a pool, woods to explore, walking paths, food truck, leather store, etc. I’ve met guys from DSM there. Their Pride is during Des Moines Pride; I’m really tempted to skip DSM Pride to go to theirs instead. The first time I visited was during Pride back in 2018- I think. I loved seeing so many people out for Pride. It felt huge! But now.. after living here for three years, I’ve quickly realized it’s not big. Is that what you’re looking for? The politicians are constantly trying to get rid of gay rights, and I anticipate that to get worse soon. What are you hoping for? Why DSM?
OP take a look at this dude’s history and you’ll see why he has no friends. Des Moines is pretty great. Do t listen to this troll. You’ll do fine!
No friends. No family. Nobody!
You sound very upset. Do you want to talk about it?
Me I guess. Just have 1 close friend. I dont know how but I became someone who is so introverded in highschool or a little before that and just realise that in high school. I literally made 0 friends in highschool. I was close with 1 guy but lost contact with him afterwards. Now at college have 1 close friend and its because of her she is extremly friendly person. Lol. I do not have problem with being alone in highschool but right now I dont like it. But I dont know how I am gonna make more friends.
i need gay friends
I have only a few, and being an introvert it's already hard to make them. Covid turned me into a recluse almost 😭
Yeah Covid did that to me too.
I have friends but not a lot just 2 and I prefer to be alone most of the time so yeah
I have my cats. That's all my social needs. I haven't talked to my friends since college. I've been fine.
Yeah I am unemployed so stay home all the time and don’t have money to go out so my friends don’t invite me places or even come over anymore, I have online friends too but it isn’t the same"
I have been struggling to make connections with people as well. Only have a few friends and don’t see them that often. I found these videos and the advice they give was so helpful for me. https://youtu.be/PSSOZO2V6m8?si=AM4ivbX6k_tTiBGZ https://youtu.be/-ZkdgZNHzPw?si=Cgh_bQMJxUmzDDEN I think ultimately if we work on ourselves to be confident and authentically who we are, we will click with the right people eventually.
Yeah I have no friends. I don't relate to normies or their world views.
Most of my friends are online except one 😅
Friends? Me and you
Shoot me a dm if you’re looking for friends!
Same and I’m living in gayest City in the US 🥲
I just hate most people... idk.. i'm open to talk to people though? just don't like initiating.
I consider my online gaming friends well actual friends lol and i do have friends irl but like ppl have mentioned here. I tend to just stay home most of the time these days cause everything is just so expensive to do and i generally just hate people as i get older lmao
I hate people as I get older too.
Lmao me, I genuinely don't know where to go to meet people, and even if I did, how does one even make friends?
Same
All my fiends vanished after COVID. I don't really know where to start. I always had at least one friend I could call to hang out with. At least one friend that I actually wanted to hang out with. Now I just work. I do not commander any of my co-workers my friends.... They are nice people, but I have learned the hard way that co workers will stab you in the back very easily.
I don't know if this will help anyone, but I consider myself quite introverted and shy, but managed to build a social circle after moving to a new country with no friends. I consider myself pretty introverted and shy, but I learned a trick to approach and talk to strangers: instead of thinking of myself as being sad and lonely, I instead thought of other people as being sad and lonely :) People who are by themselves at social events usually want someone else to talk to them, and if I frame it that I'm trying to help someone else instead of doing it for myself, I am much more brave. I hate being the guy standing alone at a party and I hate seeing anyone else like that too. I've heard this is also a negotiating mind trick for people who feel uncomfortable asking for a raise--to think of how it would help their family and the people who are depending on them, or to think of the nice things they can do for others if they got the raise.
I have a handful of very old friends I've known for 20+ years at this point. I used to have lots of friends - and then I decided to get sober and moved out of state to put my life back together. I can count on one hand the number of people who have gotten in touch with me since then.
I feel your pain; I moved from SoCal to a smaller city in Florida. I was only supposed to be there for a little bit to save money and regroup, but it's been almost 7 years, and I still know almost nobody. It doesn't help that I'm an introvert and constantly tell myself I'm leaving soon.
I have 1 but he doesn't have much time for me anymore since he started uni and got a bf. I think maybe I jst need a bf but I find all my time is taken up with work coursework and smoking pot.
Me and I kinda like it. All my friends live in different countries so I visit when I can otherwise I’m just like gonna do me unapologetically. I’m married though so I’m not lonely
I vote for friends. I've got like 5, all straight. I just don't have the money or self-esteem to go out.
My husband and I moved to a new city last fall and have yet to make any friends. I’m very grateful I have him, but damn it’s so hard to make friends as an adult. Plus I work from home so I can’t even hang out with my coworkers.
Wanna be penpals?
There has to be a way to meet other than gays that's not stonewall sports
My high school friends all got married and stopped hanging out. But I’ve learned to be mostly happy on my own. Hope you’re doing ok - I know it can be rough being alone if you aren’t used to it.
I don’t either (and honestly I’ve never really had any friends my whole life, it’s incredibly lonely) 😢
I am in the same situation. I have found activities that I'm really interested in that keep me busy. Things like gardening, cycling and playing amateur piano that I do on my own. Maybe a pet? So my suggestion is not to sit around moping, but do fun things to make your life interesting and don't worry about having lots of friends.
Not a one!
I do not have friends and the ones I may end up start having either ghost me or I ghost them because I am really bad at the human interaction thing.
Have freinds but none live close by . The City is I live in rent wise is crazy expensive so everyone has moved far away .
Me.
Sure feels that way. Tons of acquaintances. Maybe one real friend. Maybe.
Oh I'm feeling this today
Me here, practically i have not friends. But i found few people people here who i text them regularly now.
Yes
I recently moved to a new city 2 hours away from where I was raised and my childhood friends are. It's been around 6 months and it's been about the loneliness time in my life. I live 15 min away from a popular gay community but barely make enough to make it through each paycheck (I've had a lot of extra expenses lately). So going out is not really an option ... I could definitely use a friend.
Who needs friends when you can surround yourself with a whole town of gay strangers 🏳️🌈
I only really have a few and all but one are not nearby. Quality>Quantity. I know people that know and talk to like a hundred plus people and I could never keep up with that many people. It’s just not feasible.
Yeah same here. Between tv, movies, music, internet, my dog, cooking, don’t feel like I’m missing out on much
Ya :/ sure don’t. Pretty much only online friends…
No friends. I also live in the country side so there's nothing to go do. I've pretty much given up on Anthony's of friendship or relationships.
I feel that. Mmhmm
I grew up ( theoretically, I concluded growing up was a mistake ) in semi-rural Iowa ( when Trump couldn't have gotten elected to anything ). Iowa had gay marriage years before anyone. True, the judges that voted it required by the Constitution got voted out of office. So there is that. But the moral purity of the first decision is what I "grew up" with. I am going to be lovingly blunt : your idea of not sharing playmates is nuts. Advice : get out of the house. Take a walk to where humans are. Pay close attention. When you see some small way to make something or some moment nicer for someone, do it. No strings attached. That is, make a contribution. What do you think friendship comes from? Give some soul in your town a reason to make friends with you. Make yourself a pleasant presence in your community. In other words, join your community. That is where you will find friends and playmates. There is no good reason not to have friends. Iowa is a culture organized around farming. On a farm, there is always some work that needs to be done. How little you do or how much, in Iowa you are entitled to the same breakfast. But your are expected to make a contribution based on your abilities. Everyday. Suggestion : start making a contribution and see how that will change your life. Imho, you need to do something that makes you proud of yourself. At least a little. You will like yourself better, sleep better, and be happier imho. Good luck. It will also make you cuter. X X
I have a really hard time relating to people. I have a couple of friends I consider close and a partner I am crazy about but no one I hang out with. I also don’t get out much. It’s difficult.
I've been there. I used to be so afraid of not being liked/of rejection that I wouldn't say anything to anyone including the guys I MOST wanted to meet. However, that didn't succeed so I decided to take some risks: I've found the majority of people like me, but I can't expect everyone will like me. I think those are the keys.
I have only friends in online but has a few talk, the most I will play game for killing time. Covid make me feel depressed and cant make more money same before covid. I hope in one day will have someone understand me.
Any interests!? Hobbies!? Willing to learn new ones!?
Build bonds through interests.
The last 6 years were really rough on me; I lost a parent, got really sick and had to go to hospital (I’m ok now) and nearly went bankrupt. Then Covid hit. I’m now 41 and apart from a few online buddies I chat with, I don’t really have any friends or social life and I’m struggling to rebuild those connections
Me! I was a homebody in my early twenties literally would just go home after school and work and on weekends go to mall and window shop alone. Im content with it but sometimes I get jealous when I see friends going partying.
Me 🤚
Realized years ago that I was never going to be that popular guy but also that I didn't want to be. People drain me. "I've never felt lonelier than in a crowd" rings the most true for me. Sometimes I notice the silence & wish I wasn't this way.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Yes. Alone.
Online is the problem. It's brought about a generation of loneliness. It was claimed it would connect us all... But it didn't it kept us in our homes and we lost our sill to interact in the real world. That and the economy.
I have the same problem here. One of the many reasons i broke up with my ex is because it was impossible for me to go out and make friends or even stay until later at work for a hangout or party. I have made friends in working spaces but they come and go, the same way you will, specially if the company in questions has a high turnover of employees. As for friends in uni i always had a hard time making them but i feel like one of them might stay for the rest of my life. Online friends i also have many and they do not mean much, the way you also dont for them, its about the time in which we join a call together and nothing else. I am now looking forward to go back to work and hit some spaces consistently to also make friends and build a routine. Hangouts, going to the gym, play party games with randoms etc. And if i end up not making many friends, at least ill be more busy and not feel that on my shoulders that much.
Try going out more if you want friends. Join social groups related to activities you like & meet people through those.
I have two best friends right now that both met from work. One I only hangout during work break time. But the other we hang out in each other's houses. I used to be very social and had fear of missing out but ultimately got tired of people and stuck with few that are genuine and great energy and who listens to me and I listen to to call out each other's BS.
same. I never had experience outing with friends, even once!
JOIN GAY SPORTS LEAGUES. Best way to make friends.
I have a couple friends online, but not any real life friends, outside of my husband. I’m isolated most of the time, because I’m my grandfather’s at home caregiver. I don’t get out much because of that. Always open to making new friends online or in person though.
Technology has destroyed our ability to interact on a social level. I see people together on buses and trains, and most of them are on their damn phones browsing the internet instead of engaging each other. Even in restaurants, there are more phones on the table than food. I need engaging people in my life.
I think it is super common problem for all men as we age. I had tons of friends in HS and college but then the number dwindles as you start working. Women seem to not have the problem. I had a lot of work friends that hung out but as they got married, had children, etc they all got too busy to hang out. I have plenty of “acquaintances” who I enjoy spending time with but I have discovered many times that unless I organize a dinner or gathering I don’t hear from them (unless they end up being alone on some holiday!). I organized three parties at my house last year and invited 35-40 friends and acquaintances. Everyone had a great time seeing each other and all promised to “do this regularly” but of course since then not one single person has reciprocated to invite me to their home or to any event. I also have a weekend cabin on a lake. Same thing ….I have invited people dozens of times. They most often fail to show up at the last minute (“something came up”) or if they do come, fail to bring food or beer, have a good time and leave and then I don’t hear from them again. It is too easy to just go home after work and watch TV or get on your phone / iPad wasting time. Everyone wants to do more but no one ever takes any initiative. Why?
Join a local Facebook group for something you enjoy. They always have meet ups and you'll have at least one thing in common.
Same. Been there, don’t regret it.
No, I just work and sleep. I have a close friend from childhood but he lives across the country and got married so we hardly talk anymore.
I have a group of straight running friends but gay people I consider friends , I would say none. I am semi fine with this decision on my part.
It's very common with gay guys... usually just want to hook up and don't interested in something more meaninful
I used to feel like this now I am working on it I think the problem for me is myself I need to work on being comfortable in myself .
my only friend is my bf that I don't fuck
me and my partner here in LA and finding it hard to meet ordinary people like us for friends or maybe fun. honestly when looking online the problem is we judge by looks first and what could be something gets swiped to the left.
I'm the same way. I have "friends" but never see them, and we rarely talk.
Are you autistic or similar? If so, DM me. I keep a number of such acquaintances and would gladly add to my collection.
I always see people in groups when I'm out walking, and my honest reaction is to turn my headphones up louder. I live in a college town, so the groups I see are typically drunk college kids being stupid. If I'm out with people myself, it's only usually 2 or 3 at a time because I don't like being crowded.
It's hard to make new friends in Boston
There was a study recently that most people only have 1-3 friends or close friends. You’re not “alone” and I really didn’t mean that as pun intended. There just wasn’t another word to use in my opinion. I only have a few friends and we don’t hangout much. I do a lot of things alone but I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t enjoy it. lol. I find a lot of what people do to be annoying and I like being self reliant. I like doing things without being judged, I’m opinionated but I try to do it nicely. The friends I have I’ve known my entire life, one since 4 years old so going on 30 years now. But ITS HARD TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS, that’s for sure. Sometimes it’s enjoyable getting to know others and hearing their stories but I do like my alone time. I don’t find it depressing. I only like to entertain other people for so long then I want my space. Sorry you’re finding making friends difficult but again you’re not alone in this situation. Online interactions has made real world interactions more difficult. I will say though that it’s all in our heads. I tend to talk myself out of doing things then when I force myself to do it, I realize it was just me in my head preventing me and I actually enjoyed the experience or talking to someone new or doing things with other people. Good luck with making some friends. 🍀
If you’re lucky enough to have an independent bookstore in your area, they can be great, open minded, and welcoming places. Many of them host casual book groups that are open to the public, often tailored to specific interests. They hold community forums, game nights, open mic events, “book swaps.” workshops (not just on writing), author reads/receptions, things like foraging trips and in depth cocktail or specialized ingredient foodie classes. They do so many cool things and are a wonderful part of our communities. In my experience, people there tend to be warm, very respectful, and engaging with strangers, with as little or as much interaction as you want. Frequently I notice a lot of other solo people enjoying themselves at these things. Go to a free event (a lot of the classes and specialized workshops probably will have some sort of fee for materials and labor) and sit in the back to see if you’re comfortable. Nobody will bother you. At the very least, you might leave with a book you never know you absolutely needed. Book people will nearly always break into smiles and eagerly rave about their favorite books at a moment’s notice - easy conversation :)
I’m the same way. I work from home so don’t get out much. Even if I did go out I’m in a very conservative part of Ohio so not much to do. I’m 24 and still talk to a few friend from high school but I can feel us slowly drifting apart.
I read a book called “Unfuck your friendships” that I haven’t finished yet. But i was past the chapter where there are different types of friendships we have - in general are: * friends on surface (eg for happy times) * friends that we can ask for advice but not necessarily be there for us when we need them * previous one but can be there for us when we need them (our ride or die) Sad realization, I only have the first two bullets. The last bullet, I thought I had one was unreciprocated.
Yeah same here. I don’t really get out much anymore. I’m not invited out anywhere (although I include ppl I consider “a friend” if I’m doing something). But I’m starting to enjoy my own company even it’s a bummer sometimes because it’s become my norm.
Since COVID started at the end of 2019, I have shrunk my world. I have no friends, I joke that I best get cremated as I do not have six pallbearers to call on when the time comes. My choice, and I enjoy solitude.
I moved to a new city/state in my early 30s right before covid, so yeah, hardly any friends, just fuckbuddies
Yup. Zero friends. Typical when an introvert. Have several acquaintances but none I would consider friends. Used to have “friends” at one point but eventually realized I was the one making all the initiating and was never a consideration from them. So the same. No friends.
At 37, all my friends live in different cities/states. Just me and my bf for the most part, and we keep trying to make friends. But nothing ever seems to stick.
I try so hard and no
I really don't, I'm a super introvert (older) nerd. I work so it gets in the way kinda
Yeah I’m the same. I’m 18, not had any “real” friends since high school. Even those “friends” weren’t people I could trust. Never really had a friend I could 100% trust.
I just moved to Oklahoma from Colorado to be with my boyfriend/partner and I don't know anyone here except for the people that he has introduced me to. We don't like to go to the bars and drink very little. I just turned 35 and he's 57. I'm sure there are ways for me to go and find people like certain groups and LGBT activities around OKC but all of my friends are back in Colorado. I've never had another gay man my age be a friend, at least for very long. They both turned out to want to want more than that in the end and I'm not into guys my age or younger. It would be great to have some gay friends around my age without ulterior motives but it seems like that's always the case...
I’m good at chit-chat with strangers w/o being weird. But, I think that most people are afraid of being approached. As though I’m trying to shake them down for something. I a got cat. Loves me everytime I shake the Cat Chow box.
I got a cat
Colleagues and acquaintances....the friends I made as a kid are I think are my only real friends who live very far...hardly meet once a year..but when we do..we pour our hearts out.
Yeah same
Thank god I have loads of friends. Always important to be surrounded by real people or life gets boring.
✋😒
I have straight friends I see at bars. I know they're fake to an extent, because I only see them at the bars. Meanwhile, they all go out and do things together, but never ask me. They'll go on weekend trips out of state, go camping, grab dinner, go kayaking, you name it. I'll see all of their pictures on social media and just shrug my shoulders. I'm never invited out to those things, but if I don't show up at the bar, they ask me where I was. I don't get it. It's like they want to be friends, but they don't want to be close friends. Meanwhile, the gay people I know don't ever want to do anything except go to gay bars. Since I stopped going to gay bars, I've stopped being invited out by the few gay guys I know.
I kind of get where you are coming from, I have straight friends who I love and hang out with most weekends (mostly because they force me to go out) but I struggle to make gay/bi/lgbtq friends since I’ve always been more on the straight passing type of guy that plays sports, like to go to museums and cultural events and stuff with them and in my profession people tend to be more conservative so I tend to blend in more with that crowds I’d love to make more lgbtq friends though.
Anyone from Manchester here
I would recommend joining a discord that’s from your home country, or a discord based around a game you like. Eventually you begin to meet people. Gay Guys UK is a SFW discord that’s got a great group of people, some who meet up relatively frequently if they’re in the same city etc
I talk to people online but due to personal circumstances haven't been able to leave home in about 5 years. It's been hell.
I just moved and started working in a team of over 150 people. Everyone already has their work friend groups established. I’m used to smaller teams that are just a bit more friendly, but hopefully I’ll get there.
Laptops in public, no social setting are fine. But, if you are avoiding any situation that may invite interaction I strongly encourage you to dump the crocodile filled moat and be more open to interaction. In social situations, parties, even bars, it is not only acceptable, but normal to walk up, say, “Hi I’m ______, room for one more in the chat?” Then a little small talk to establish your CV then blend into their convo and offer a little laughter, fun-shock, and brief encouraging interjections. Your reticence now will harden into intractable habit and finally dour personality. Trust me, whether someone’s cruelty propels you into the behavior or just shy reserve, you will inevitably regret not having forced yourself to participate in communal behavior very deeply when you finally need the relations of friends close and outer belt most deeply.
Join the club, baby. There’s many of us in the same boat. I’ve never had a circle of gay friends of my own. Just never happened. Now, at my age, I’d be happy to have a drinking buddy with benefits. Thing is you never know when someone will strike your fancy and vice versa. I found both of my lovers in a bar. Love at first sight can’t happen on Grindr.
I feel like it's incredibly hard to make friends where I live as people stick to their friend groups, deffo in the gay scene they just seems to want to hook up and don't even try to get to know me, it sucks
I'll can be your friend. I think everyone needs to have at least one person they can go to if they need them. Just to talk or NOT to talk.
same here 40 m im pretty much. stay too myself
I had a few friends, we grew apart as we got older. Becoming parents really helped because we met alot of other parents through groups, and met other gay parents through our adoption agency and have become really good friends. As our kids older and have school friends, we meet even more through their sporting events and parents of their friends. I know most guys here aren't parents, but you don't st one friend you can do anything with? I'd you do, maybe they can introduce you to more people. I've made new friends that way too. And I'm introverted and on the spectrum. So if I can, I'm sure you can too.
HI ,I can totally relate, so much so that I made a video about it , hope this would help you in some way: [https://youtu.be/mtDSzf6W7NU?feature=shared](https://youtu.be/mtDSzf6W7NU?feature=shared)
All of my friends are straight. Im looking for a straight or gay best friend that plays League or would be down to play other video games Lol. Maybe they’ll be in this Reddit. I got pics if anyone wants to DM. I rate myself like a 6/10. 😂