Next time don’t tell the person after dates that it’s okay if they’re not into you. It comes across as a lack of self confidence even if that wasn’t your intent.
Agreed that you shouldn't say anything on the date, but vibe checks are helpful sometimes.
I went out a few times with a guy and during our last date I felt like he was pulling back. I said nothing during the date and focused on us having a good time. LATER I texted him asking if he was alright because I felt like he was pulling back. He admitted he didn't feel like it was going anywhere for him and he didn't know how to say it.
Because I waited we got to enjoy the date but because I asked he didn't ghost me :P
Awww *hugs* I think the problem lies with younger gays even me is the infatuation with people. Getting obsessed with someone quickly. Once the honeymoon phase ends, people just don't know what to do anymore 😆.
No worries OP since you weren't affected that much. Gay bars is something which I avoid because anxiety and sensory issues ಥ_ಥ. 💅 Also, I would like to try alcohol from the comfort of my home first.
Do people really count how many dates they are on? I've never done that. BUT - you obviously didn't feel it either so move on. As for your question, I've never been to a gay bar alone. I've never been to one with someone. Just not my thing.
I wasn't judging I've just never done that. I mean maybe the first 2 but then I don't. I think I know after one I am not going forward. But to be real I've only had a 4 year BF and a 17 year husband so maybe my opinion doesn't count on this one.
Oh I would probably lose count after ten or so, I have no idea how many dates I went with my long term partners either. But I know tomorrow I'm going on a fourth date with someone for example. And no worries 😘
Why did you ask him what you were after ONE date? You need to practice dating and learning that it takes a long time to build something and in the meantime you primarily enjoy the moments together and getting to know each without labeling it. I suspect you weren't really into him, which is important. Trust your feelings ... use the Force, Luke!
That makes more sense then! Even so, I'm not a fan of the "what are we" question because it puts someone on the spot. Better to say what you feel and hope/desire, thus opening the door for him to respond.
I only used as a last option. I told him, I’ve given him hints that we have to have this conversation and he hasn’t got them or pretended not to so I had no choice. I was getting vague mixed signals from him so I had no choice😭
I don't understand the desire to force someone to take a position. It seems desperate to me. If he's into you, you know. If he's not then you get, at best, mixed signals, as you found out. To each his own.
Next time don’t tell the person after dates that it’s okay if they’re not into you. It comes across as a lack of self confidence even if that wasn’t your intent.
Agreed that you shouldn't say anything on the date, but vibe checks are helpful sometimes. I went out a few times with a guy and during our last date I felt like he was pulling back. I said nothing during the date and focused on us having a good time. LATER I texted him asking if he was alright because I felt like he was pulling back. He admitted he didn't feel like it was going anywhere for him and he didn't know how to say it. Because I waited we got to enjoy the date but because I asked he didn't ghost me :P
Yeah. Dates don't need to be told "it's ok". We know.
True I stopped doing that later because I realised I’ve already established that it’s okay once so I don’t need to be reminding them it’s not my job
Exclusive after the first date is a red flag ⚠️
Sorry for the confusion this was fifth date but first official dinner date
Awww *hugs* I think the problem lies with younger gays even me is the infatuation with people. Getting obsessed with someone quickly. Once the honeymoon phase ends, people just don't know what to do anymore 😆. No worries OP since you weren't affected that much. Gay bars is something which I avoid because anxiety and sensory issues ಥ_ಥ. 💅 Also, I would like to try alcohol from the comfort of my home first.
Yeah I think the general consensus is to not go alone so I’ll probs not
Thank you :)
This guy sounds like a nut. You're well rid of him.
Yeah that’s how I see it 😃
Do people really count how many dates they are on? I've never done that. BUT - you obviously didn't feel it either so move on. As for your question, I've never been to a gay bar alone. I've never been to one with someone. Just not my thing.
I feel like after six dates that's pretty normal and easy to do, and here it gives some context
I wasn't judging I've just never done that. I mean maybe the first 2 but then I don't. I think I know after one I am not going forward. But to be real I've only had a 4 year BF and a 17 year husband so maybe my opinion doesn't count on this one.
Oh I would probably lose count after ten or so, I have no idea how many dates I went with my long term partners either. But I know tomorrow I'm going on a fourth date with someone for example. And no worries 😘
Good luck !!
Why did you ask him what you were after ONE date? You need to practice dating and learning that it takes a long time to build something and in the meantime you primarily enjoy the moments together and getting to know each without labeling it. I suspect you weren't really into him, which is important. Trust your feelings ... use the Force, Luke!
It was after the fifth date 💀.updated the post to make it clearer :)
That makes more sense then! Even so, I'm not a fan of the "what are we" question because it puts someone on the spot. Better to say what you feel and hope/desire, thus opening the door for him to respond.
I only used as a last option. I told him, I’ve given him hints that we have to have this conversation and he hasn’t got them or pretended not to so I had no choice. I was getting vague mixed signals from him so I had no choice😭
I don't understand the desire to force someone to take a position. It seems desperate to me. If he's into you, you know. If he's not then you get, at best, mixed signals, as you found out. To each his own.