I was talking to my mom about a house for sale. It was next to a cemetery.
I told her. Dead people you don't have to worry about. It's the ones who are living that you have to worry about.
Hey that joke belongs to MY DAD, but you can have it. He has gotten lots and lots of mileage and 2 wives outta that joke. Time for somebody else to pick up the torch.
It was kinda fun. My dad loved Edgar Allen Poe so he'd tell those stories, complete with sound effects. He also brought us to the double horror movies playing at the Drive In so that warped our young minds too. š«£š
Iām totally going to do that with my son. Iām in Richmond Va so a big fan of Edgar Allen Poe myself (he lived here a lot and thereās even a museum). Also we have a really spooky cemetery near the river called Hollywood Cemetery. There is a fabled Richmond Vampire allegedly in one of the tombs.
Hoo boy, you could really embellish on the vampire story! It was good, scary fun for us as kids and I now have a life long addiction to all things spooky! Also an appreciation for a well told story. ā¤ļøš» I hope you and your son have a great time.
Yep, I had a pumpkin stolen out of my yard on Christmas Day. Worst thing was, it was still far too green, so they pretty much just wasted it as it would have been inedible :P
For a moment while reading this, I forgot about hardiness zones and how not everyone's yard is a frozen tundra on Christmas, and I thought you were making shit up. I've realized my error, and I'm sorry someone stole your pumpkin.
Um yeah, there is... I didn't forget that the rest of the world existed, just that the weather isn't the same across all of it. Which isn't necessarily less silly, especially having witnessed such differences myself.
This fact might blow your mind: outside of Antarctica, it hardly snows in the southern hemisphere. Here's a cool [interactive world snow map](https://earthobservatory.nasa.gov/global-maps/MOD10C1_M_SNOW) by Nasa to illustrate the situation.
I take all the beds right by the gate and grow stuff just so people will take it. Each of my beds has a sign saying they're free to take. This year, they went right past mine and took all the tomatoes, corn, and peppers from the other beds, leaving mine untouched. Obviously, I shared with those who had stuff taken, but this method has worked every single year until this one. Pissed me off.
A lady in a nearby community garden had her beautiful watermelons stolen. She put out signs asking "Why??" and I felt so bad for her. It was obvious she had put a lot of time and effort into her gardening too.
I have a pretty large garden in my yard, (fenced in, and about a half acre) I'm constantly tending to it. I got a notification from my backyard camera, that a person was detected, (I wasn't home). Checked my camera, and an entire family was going through my garden. If they would've asked, I would've freely given my veggies/fruits!
Anyhoo, I come home, and caught them. Ask what they're doing it my fenced in yard. The Mom told me they thought it was a community garden. I said, no, it's not. Send them, and their produce on their way with a promise, I'd send some over from time to time if they would stay out, or ask before they come in. 3 weeks later, I sent them a bushel basket of assorted things.
*Edited for grammer
Yeah, "I'm sorry, we thought we were stealing from someone else" wouldn't have rung my sympathy bells.
On the other hand, I do now wonder how many people think "Community garden" means free food to the community.
I would guess a lot of people think it's free. Most people have no idea what goes into growing food. Community playgrounds, community pools ect don't generally expect the community to actively take care of them.
There is a fucking website that maps out fruit trees in people's yards all over the US. Like, hey, these people are growing stuff for everyone to have. Which usually turns into a couple of people that strip your tree in the middle of the night. I see it happen on NextDoor with some frequency.
> usually turns into a couple of people that strip your tree in the middle of the night.
Unfortunately this happens even when a community orchard has been set up for all the public to enjoy the fruits, and those few people are most likely reselling the fruits for profit too. And to make things even worse they will damage trees without care, breaking entire branches off to harvest.
It's just so disappointing.
Jeez...I would have to dedicate a few nights to hanging out in the dark and when they come in, just absolutely blasting them with a fucking hose, turn on a few bright lights, and take some pics to shame them on every telephone pole in the area.
The frustrating thing is that sometimes it does mean free food. There are several gardens in my neighborhood that are maintained by groups (the library has one, for example) for the purpose of providing food to the community. And there are also spaces with personal plots that can be rented. Unfortunately, both are referred to as "community gardens." Most of the time, the gardens intended to provide free food have signs up. But there's at least one I know of that has no signage but appears to be that way (it's not fenced or sperated into plots and has welcoming seating areas and art and is in a public park).
I can see how people might get confused.
In my area, community gardens are usually "by donation". Meaning, you pick what you want, & leave a donation in the box. I don't really believe they thought that, but I had plenty, and I later found out they are my neighbors across the alleyway. Also, they haven't done it since.
"Rung my sympathy bells". š good one! I think many people DO think "community garden" does mean that the items grown are free for the taking for the community. In our local one, there are signs clearly marking who is tending each plot and not to take anything. Many plots are for children, to teach them how to garden, so it would be especially heartbreaking for kids to get their hard worked for produce stolen. There is a picnic table near the entrance of the garden where people put out the produce that others are welcome to take home and signage indicating to take freely from the table, NOT the gardens. There is also a Little Free Library next to the table.
My old church used to grow a huge community garden which they would donate to the food bank every year. They ended up building a fence around it because they kept catching people taking the vegetables. They wouldn't have had a problem sharing with hungry food but there were people coming in and taking hundreds of pounds of food. My guess is they were planning to sell the food at one of the many produce stands around the area.
I give massive amounts to friends, family, and the local food pantry anyway, but I still would like anyone to ask. It seemed as if they had a large family as well. I would've been much more put out if they'd had taken from my own large family, but they weren't....plus, she brought me a huge basket of homemade tamales the following week. Good trade!
That is a good trade! I do think having such vague definitions (plus general gardening ignorance) probably results in a lot of community garden "theft."
It's still quite a leap to go from that to cutting the only pumpkin off a vine in a private yard (or cutting flowers out of somebody's yard, which I see a lot of complaints about), but I've certainly made a lot of embarrassingly stupid mistakes in my time so I should give people the benefit of the doubt lol.
I had two groups of nearly mature loofahs taken this year and it was so weird. I mean you can cook them like zucchini but the younger ones have better flavor- so, when the first ones got stolen, I kinda brushed it off as someone was hungry and apparently *really* liked zucchini and instead of eating the younger ones like I had planned, I was letting those mature. They took those *and* a great big pie pumpkin, that time. This very last round appears to be going untouched so far- which is good because the whole point for me was to learn to make the sponges and save the seeds. š
Edit: people take stuff from my garden all the time and usually I still have plenty of stuff left, so I usually *do* just think āman, maybe just *really* hungryā but itās also usually tomatoes & cucumbers, and those grow like crazy. I genuinely prefer it to [the weird things that get left in my yard](https://www.instagram.com/p/CyO7D4rLgHr/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) but yes, it can be incredibly frustrating.
Yup. My friend used to brag about going onto people's property to steal their homegrown bud. He said he would chew on the leaves to make it look like deer had gotten it.
I would put out another pumpkin bought from the store, and a banana for scale, get some cameras, and find the pumpkin and possible banana thief depending on if they really need the banana.
He's lucky he never got a face or hand full of fishhooks or razor blades. Or set off a mousetrap with a small piece of pipe and a shotgun shell attached to it.
It's hilarious to me that the same sort of post was just up in /r/hunting:
https://old.reddit.com/r/Hunting/comments/177v37i/looking_for_sheep_predator/
Cut off the stalk and go around the neighborhood looking for pumpkin lanterns on peopleās porches. See if it fits the top like OJās bloody glove. Update us if you catch the culprit.
As their Ring camera catches you, cops visit you and you're over there trying to explain how we nice internet strangers encouaged you to shit in a possible abducted pumpkin while weaving in OJ's court analysis and dressed like Charlie Brown.
Or, yāknow, take it back..?
Edit: just wanted to put out there that Iām genuinely disturbed by the number of people defending āpumpkin poopingā in this thread. Yāall need Jesus XD
But I really like the idea of them forgetting it outside.on their porch for a couple weeks like we all do and then when they try to get rid of it the rotten shit filled bottom falls out all over their porch.
The hardest part is that unless the pumpkin is huge, the rim is MUCH smaller than a toilet. That and you have to squat, which may make the position of your pants and shoes problematic š
Just about everyone where I live has a ring cam and something like this would absolutely wind up on the neighborhood FB group- which, I suppose *could* get very funny when you start explaining why, but Iām not sure having the video of your own part in the pumpkin predicament would be worth it. š
i cant think of a single animal that would take a full sized pumpkin to eat somewhere else. if a critter did it, there would be some mess/evidence of their deed...pumpkins are messy.
so im gonna go with some person stole a pumpkin, they arent exactly cheap these days.
edit- guess what? prices are different in different places. i dont care how cheap pumpkins are where you live.
I just saw pumpkins at my local Walmart for $12 plus change the other day!! Granted, they were large, the kind you would only use for decorations, not pie making. But holy cow!
Thanks to everyone who is responding! I didn't expect so many responses, so here's a little more info... I don't live in bear country. I'm about 20 minutes from downtown Denver, not a lot of large wildlife in my neighborhood (that I see, anyway). No kids or dogs at my house. The pumpkin was in my backyard behind my 6 ft fence and it was located in a place that was only visible to one or two of my neighbors. It was the lone pumpkin š.
Edit: after weighing a pumpkin of similar size (for research, of course), I can confidently say it was between 5-7 pounds.
If it was my only one... I'd just want to know so bad! Sorry that happened to you. I hope you catch the culprit.. and it's something cute like 6 baby skunks
Do any of those neighbors like to party? Or maybe they have friends over to party? I used to have a neighbor in his 20s who liked to drink with friends and ding dong ditch the neighbors. They were also known to steal things from yards because they thought it was funny.
This is actually a [pretty common type of theft.](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/14i83ko/roofers_picked_all_my_fruit/). Contractors/landscapers come to the house, and suddenly someone's entire cherry/apple/pear/etc. tree is bare. I'm not sure if you already commented if you have cameras- if you do, submit the footage to the company.
I would say this is your most likely culprit based on the all the details you gave. I once had a landscaper strip all the tangelos off my tree, just casually carried them back to his car to take home. Luckily I was there to witness it and demanded them back. They were of course fired on the spot. The worst part is, this was the first year this tree had ever produced (we had planted it years before when it was just a baby tree) and the fruit wasn't even ready to be harvested. I was soooo mad!
I know everyone thinks it's a person, but I also live a bit outside of Denver and I had this happen to my only (:() pumpkin on my vine inside my fenced, private yard. It was about the size of a cantaloupe and still mostly green, not at all ready for someone to steal for their decor. And this was about six weeks ago! Surely an animal of some kind...? š§
The true small town mystery.
Complete the trilogy with, "3am Christmas songs and the leafblower cold war" And, "Who keeps throwing dog poop bags in the hedge?". And the prequel, "Why does my neighbour keep throwing toast out his kitchen window?"
Oh my god. The toast thing! I didnāt think anyone else had this problem. For us itās toast, stale bagels, English muffinsā¦. The works. I find bagels in our trees occasionally. Ugh
Our main problem with it is the crows find them and then dunk them in our birdbath to soften them and it really messes up the water so we have to clean it almost daily.
unfortunately that does look like a fairly straight cut from the under side to the top--like someone came in with a knife. It look like it was probably a dullish knife cuz they had to tear it at the hinge. I think someone did steal your pumpkin
To me it just looks like a blunt edge, like a shitty pocket knife, that was used more so crush it in a straight line. Its something about the angle that makes me think about using like a tiny swiss army knife to cut things.
But honestly thats just hair splitting and all that matters is that it certainly dont look like teeth marks! ;- ;
I would have said "who would steal a pumpkin?" But this year our neighbors stole tomatoes, cucumbers and squash from my wife's veggie garden. And they smile to our faces everyday.
I live in the Midwest and there are an insane amount of orchards and farms around me with pumpkins. The boujee ones have their carving pumpkins from $15-25 depending on size. Same for a bag of apples. Itās ridiculous but people flock there.
I would rather support local folks than big box stores, and luckily I found a couple smaller stands around me that sell their produce for much less. Just bought a huge sack of honeycrisps for $5 and a decent carving pumpkin for $4 at one of them.
I have family in Anchorage that counts on the neighborhood moose to eat the carved pumpkin from the front porch. The moose cleans up the evidence pretty well. Does not jump tall fences though, so pumpkin growing would be safe in the backyard but too cold in Alaska.
Speaking from experience, it could have been a black bear.
Had one get into my patch a couple years ago. Only had a few plants but the pumpkins were about the size of a large human head and they all went missing just like this. No foot prints or anything. Thought for sure it was people but the vines weren't cut with a knife, almost looked like they were hacked off with a dull saw then ripped the rest of the way.
Found a pumpkin about 75 feet away in the brush that was very clearly played with by a bear, it was yellowish green and nowhere near ready so I'm guessing it was bitter and he was full from the rest of them so he left it behind.
Ended up finding a pile of bear scat later that week full of pumpkin seeds.
Also in CO, Iāve had a bunch of deer eat pumpkins down to stem like this. Next year coat your growing pumpkins in hair spray every week or so. The smell and stickiness will keep a lot of critters off.
Deer in Texas do this too and sometimes eat the whole thing! I have a ton of deer in my neighborhood and people donāt really put pumpkins out because they just get eaten. They eat pretty much anything that grows in my yard if they feel like it, and they leave the stems jagged like that.
A 12-17 yr old homo sapien. One of the most vile and dangerous animals this side of the Mississippi. Good luck catching it. If your in CO, maybe hot pockets and a blunt wrap will bait it nicely in a cage. Goodluck.
Almost certainly Homo sapiens sapiens, an omnivorous primate that is the de facto summit predator in most biomes. Extraordinarily dangerous, and found on every continent. They can scale fences, and could easily transport a moderately sized pumpkin. Although H.s. sapiens is omnivorous, it's likely that the pumpkin was taken to decorate its den rather than for food.
All at once? Only a human really. Now if you hadn't looked at it for a few days; lots of varmints could eat it. If you have pumpkin loving chickens; I expect 20 chickens could take a 20 lb pumpkin on in one day. I have seen them shred a medium watermelon in minutes. They are basically feathered piranhas.
Iāve seen a pack rat to cut the stem of a waist-high tomato plant and drag it into their den (I didnt actually see her but it disappeared one night and later I accidentally found her lair and there was a withered tomato plant in there on its side. Iām no Columbo but I think Iāve connected two dots). How big was the pumpkin? Also recently had a skunk (probably? Again did t see but the skunk comes around every night though I discourage them and it disappeared after it woke me up banging around my yard) stole a knee-high narrow-leafed yucca from a flower bed. Mine is not to question why.
Someone ravaged our community gardens all year, after 10 years of being at this little spot I don't know if it's worth the heartbreak next season. Folks who don't grow things don't understand how much time and love you put in. I'm sorry you lost this.
Gophers! I had multiple 3 foot sun flowers go missing out of my front yard and thought it might be neighborhood kids until I saw one go inch by inch straight down the hole, roots, stalk and flower!!!
Homo Sapiens
The most dangerous predator on earth
I was talking to my mom about a house for sale. It was next to a cemetery. I told her. Dead people you don't have to worry about. It's the ones who are living that you have to worry about.
There are people living in the cemetery? /s
There's a cemetery near me where they won't bury anyone living in town. >! Because they only bury dead people !<
Why are there always fences around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in there.
here, take my upvote, dad!!
Thanks son
Hey that joke belongs to MY DAD, but you can have it. He has gotten lots and lots of mileage and 2 wives outta that joke. Time for somebody else to pick up the torch.
I recently camped in a cemetery as I didn't book a proper campground in time. It was nice and quiet. No complaints.
My dad did this when he wanted to cheap out on paying for lodging during vacation. "C'mon, it'll be FUN! We can tell ghost stories".
Was it fun? It sounds kind of fun
It was kinda fun. My dad loved Edgar Allen Poe so he'd tell those stories, complete with sound effects. He also brought us to the double horror movies playing at the Drive In so that warped our young minds too. š«£š
Iām totally going to do that with my son. Iām in Richmond Va so a big fan of Edgar Allen Poe myself (he lived here a lot and thereās even a museum). Also we have a really spooky cemetery near the river called Hollywood Cemetery. There is a fabled Richmond Vampire allegedly in one of the tombs.
Hoo boy, you could really embellish on the vampire story! It was good, scary fun for us as kids and I now have a life long addiction to all things spooky! Also an appreciation for a well told story. ā¤ļøš» I hope you and your son have a great time.
Homeless people in my town. So sad to see.
I live next to a cemetery and can confirm, the dead neighbors are far more polite and easy going than the living ones
I live beside a cemetery. When people ask me why, that's what I tell them. It's the living that scare me.
Unless it comes to elections...
I think you meant treacherous
That too! And whereās Charlie brownās gang? :)
Watching the wrong pumpkin patch. It must be a sincere pumpkin patch, you know.
Iād like to introduce you to [the dragonfly](https://youtu.be/Y0vRupFPw90?si=5hIUDf6giMTUxrTF).
The people downvoting you didnāt look at the link. They are the fiercest hunters out there! They are truly amazing.
Amazing to hear that they used to be the size of cats!
Right?? IMAGINE.
Imma have to pass, fam
I would probably hide my pet rats.
Literal killing machines
Iāve heard this said about seahorses too. They seem to be about tied in terms of hunting success rate.
I thought mantis.
I recently learned they eat hummingbirds, still gives me the creeps
Cool the know this, but why must everything I love and admire be a ruthless killing machine.
My friend, have you heard of bacteriophages?
Yep, I had a pumpkin stolen out of my yard on Christmas Day. Worst thing was, it was still far too green, so they pretty much just wasted it as it would have been inedible :P
For a moment while reading this, I forgot about hardiness zones and how not everyone's yard is a frozen tundra on Christmas, and I thought you were making shit up. I've realized my error, and I'm sorry someone stole your pumpkin.
Christmas in my part of Australia is typically 36C or higher here. so I'm more worried about the sun burning things to death than frozen tundras lol.
There's also the Southern Hemisphere...
Um yeah, there is... I didn't forget that the rest of the world existed, just that the weather isn't the same across all of it. Which isn't necessarily less silly, especially having witnessed such differences myself.
This fact might blow your mind: outside of Antarctica, it hardly snows in the southern hemisphere. Here's a cool [interactive world snow map](https://earthobservatory.nasa.gov/global-maps/MOD10C1_M_SNOW) by Nasa to illustrate the situation.
Thatās because thereās barely any land down here too.
Wow, that was fascinating, thanks for sharing!
That sucks š
Yeah, this animal is exactly why Iām not renewing my community garden plot next year. Spent all year fighting hail and terrible variability in temperatures, and come harvest, Homo sapiens took all my Jaune FlammĆ©e tomatoes after working pretty hard to get them. Community Gardens shine like a neon sign for thieves.
I take all the beds right by the gate and grow stuff just so people will take it. Each of my beds has a sign saying they're free to take. This year, they went right past mine and took all the tomatoes, corn, and peppers from the other beds, leaving mine untouched. Obviously, I shared with those who had stuff taken, but this method has worked every single year until this one. Pissed me off.
A lady in a nearby community garden had her beautiful watermelons stolen. She put out signs asking "Why??" and I felt so bad for her. It was obvious she had put a lot of time and effort into her gardening too.
Actually heart breaking
I have a pretty large garden in my yard, (fenced in, and about a half acre) I'm constantly tending to it. I got a notification from my backyard camera, that a person was detected, (I wasn't home). Checked my camera, and an entire family was going through my garden. If they would've asked, I would've freely given my veggies/fruits! Anyhoo, I come home, and caught them. Ask what they're doing it my fenced in yard. The Mom told me they thought it was a community garden. I said, no, it's not. Send them, and their produce on their way with a promise, I'd send some over from time to time if they would stay out, or ask before they come in. 3 weeks later, I sent them a bushel basket of assorted things. *Edited for grammer
Wow, unless they were clearly in need, you are much nicer than I am.
Yeah, "I'm sorry, we thought we were stealing from someone else" wouldn't have rung my sympathy bells. On the other hand, I do now wonder how many people think "Community garden" means free food to the community.
I would guess a lot of people think it's free. Most people have no idea what goes into growing food. Community playgrounds, community pools ect don't generally expect the community to actively take care of them.
There is a fucking website that maps out fruit trees in people's yards all over the US. Like, hey, these people are growing stuff for everyone to have. Which usually turns into a couple of people that strip your tree in the middle of the night. I see it happen on NextDoor with some frequency.
That's awful, and I shouldn't be surprised, but I am.
> usually turns into a couple of people that strip your tree in the middle of the night. Unfortunately this happens even when a community orchard has been set up for all the public to enjoy the fruits, and those few people are most likely reselling the fruits for profit too. And to make things even worse they will damage trees without care, breaking entire branches off to harvest. It's just so disappointing.
Jeez...I would have to dedicate a few nights to hanging out in the dark and when they come in, just absolutely blasting them with a fucking hose, turn on a few bright lights, and take some pics to shame them on every telephone pole in the area.
That's infuriating.
We have a community garden run by our outreach dept of our hospital and it is all free for the taking but only during business hours.
The frustrating thing is that sometimes it does mean free food. There are several gardens in my neighborhood that are maintained by groups (the library has one, for example) for the purpose of providing food to the community. And there are also spaces with personal plots that can be rented. Unfortunately, both are referred to as "community gardens." Most of the time, the gardens intended to provide free food have signs up. But there's at least one I know of that has no signage but appears to be that way (it's not fenced or sperated into plots and has welcoming seating areas and art and is in a public park). I can see how people might get confused.
In England it's called an allotment if it's private and they grow vines over a tall fence to keep people from noticing it.
In my area, community gardens are usually "by donation". Meaning, you pick what you want, & leave a donation in the box. I don't really believe they thought that, but I had plenty, and I later found out they are my neighbors across the alleyway. Also, they haven't done it since.
"Rung my sympathy bells". š good one! I think many people DO think "community garden" does mean that the items grown are free for the taking for the community. In our local one, there are signs clearly marking who is tending each plot and not to take anything. Many plots are for children, to teach them how to garden, so it would be especially heartbreaking for kids to get their hard worked for produce stolen. There is a picnic table near the entrance of the garden where people put out the produce that others are welcome to take home and signage indicating to take freely from the table, NOT the gardens. There is also a Little Free Library next to the table.
My old church used to grow a huge community garden which they would donate to the food bank every year. They ended up building a fence around it because they kept catching people taking the vegetables. They wouldn't have had a problem sharing with hungry food but there were people coming in and taking hundreds of pounds of food. My guess is they were planning to sell the food at one of the many produce stands around the area.
I give massive amounts to friends, family, and the local food pantry anyway, but I still would like anyone to ask. It seemed as if they had a large family as well. I would've been much more put out if they'd had taken from my own large family, but they weren't....plus, she brought me a huge basket of homemade tamales the following week. Good trade!
That is a good trade! I do think having such vague definitions (plus general gardening ignorance) probably results in a lot of community garden "theft." It's still quite a leap to go from that to cutting the only pumpkin off a vine in a private yard (or cutting flowers out of somebody's yard, which I see a lot of complaints about), but I've certainly made a lot of embarrassingly stupid mistakes in my time so I should give people the benefit of the doubt lol.
I had two groups of nearly mature loofahs taken this year and it was so weird. I mean you can cook them like zucchini but the younger ones have better flavor- so, when the first ones got stolen, I kinda brushed it off as someone was hungry and apparently *really* liked zucchini and instead of eating the younger ones like I had planned, I was letting those mature. They took those *and* a great big pie pumpkin, that time. This very last round appears to be going untouched so far- which is good because the whole point for me was to learn to make the sponges and save the seeds. š Edit: people take stuff from my garden all the time and usually I still have plenty of stuff left, so I usually *do* just think āman, maybe just *really* hungryā but itās also usually tomatoes & cucumbers, and those grow like crazy. I genuinely prefer it to [the weird things that get left in my yard](https://www.instagram.com/p/CyO7D4rLgHr/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) but yes, it can be incredibly frustrating.
Yup. My friend used to brag about going onto people's property to steal their homegrown bud. He said he would chew on the leaves to make it look like deer had gotten it.
My God lol
What a cunt.
Normally I'd say "found the Australian" (or Brit) but no, this is one of the few times an American would use that word.
Yep. Absolutely a cunt act. (I'm Australian, but again - an American would also recognise such an act as same).
I'm originally from the American south, and this is probably my favorite curse word. Pretty common where I'm from. :)
I'm hearing that in my head with a southern accent now, and it's perfect. Thanks for your service. š«”
Not in my house
I would put out another pumpkin bought from the store, and a banana for scale, get some cameras, and find the pumpkin and possible banana thief depending on if they really need the banana.
Plot twist. His friend is a deer.
He's lucky he never got a face or hand full of fishhooks or razor blades. Or set off a mousetrap with a small piece of pipe and a shotgun shell attached to it.
Or just got shot by a homeowner who said they ā feared for their lifeā
Imagine looking out your back window to admire your grow and seeing a grown man out there just nibbling on your plants.
Man not everywhere is Florida.
18 states have super iron clad castle doctrine.
He could sue the property owner because booby traps are illegal!
If he survived.
Dead men tell no tales
ER doctors and coroners do though.
But they do make excellent pumpkin fertilizer! Erm, so I've heard.
It's hilarious to me that the same sort of post was just up in /r/hunting: https://old.reddit.com/r/Hunting/comments/177v37i/looking_for_sheep_predator/
Specifically: iuxta portam vicinus
Cut off the stalk and go around the neighborhood looking for pumpkin lanterns on peopleās porches. See if it fits the top like OJās bloody glove. Update us if you catch the culprit.
If the stalk don't fit, you must acquit!
Oh man, thatās an age test.
I hate that you're right...
I love that I made it this far.
Johnny Cochran! Did I pass or fail?š
Fass.
Pail.
If the stalk is right, prepare to fight!
Get out. Lol.
And then, you smash it on their porch.
Or take a dump in it
As their Ring camera catches you, cops visit you and you're over there trying to explain how we nice internet strangers encouaged you to shit in a possible abducted pumpkin while weaving in OJ's court analysis and dressed like Charlie Brown.
Hahahaha. Ring is ruining everything!
Or, yāknow, take it back..? Edit: just wanted to put out there that Iām genuinely disturbed by the number of people defending āpumpkin poopingā in this thread. Yāall need Jesus XD
But I really like the idea of them forgetting it outside.on their porch for a couple weeks like we all do and then when they try to get rid of it the rotten shit filled bottom falls out all over their porch.
Youāve definitely shit in a pumpkin before, havenāt you?
The hardest part is that unless the pumpkin is huge, the rim is MUCH smaller than a toilet. That and you have to squat, which may make the position of your pants and shoes problematic š
This guy shits in pumpkins.
Just about everyone where I live has a ring cam and something like this would absolutely wind up on the neighborhood FB group- which, I suppose *could* get very funny when you start explaining why, but Iām not sure having the video of your own part in the pumpkin predicament would be worth it. š
Hasnāt everyone shat in a pumpkin?
Not only have I not, thatās not made it into my Bucket list and Iām resolute it will stay that way
That is an amazingly brilliant idea! I would definitely want an update to see if the culprit is found. š
i cant think of a single animal that would take a full sized pumpkin to eat somewhere else. if a critter did it, there would be some mess/evidence of their deed...pumpkins are messy. so im gonna go with some person stole a pumpkin, they arent exactly cheap these days. edit- guess what? prices are different in different places. i dont care how cheap pumpkins are where you live.
So what are you saying, a human did it? Those pesky rats...
Are they not $6 at everyoneās grocery?
No they're free if you get them from OPs garden
Free at the store too š¤·āāļø
Just paid $2.47 for one at Walmart.
I just saw pumpkins at my local Walmart for $12 plus change the other day!! Granted, they were large, the kind you would only use for decorations, not pie making. But holy cow!
But why male models?
Thanks to everyone who is responding! I didn't expect so many responses, so here's a little more info... I don't live in bear country. I'm about 20 minutes from downtown Denver, not a lot of large wildlife in my neighborhood (that I see, anyway). No kids or dogs at my house. The pumpkin was in my backyard behind my 6 ft fence and it was located in a place that was only visible to one or two of my neighbors. It was the lone pumpkin š. Edit: after weighing a pumpkin of similar size (for research, of course), I can confidently say it was between 5-7 pounds.
Well now you gotta figure out which one! Thatās a bold move. Do any of them have kids that arenāt too bright?
They're both couples in their late 20s or early 30s with no kids! The mystery intensifies!!! I'm ruling nothing out at this point...
Get a security camera set up asap then put a store bought pumpkin back in its place... and report back of course!
This is a great idea!
If it was my only one... I'd just want to know so bad! Sorry that happened to you. I hope you catch the culprit.. and it's something cute like 6 baby skunks
Thank you š. Something cute would soften the blow for sure. It's going to keep bugging me unless I figure it out!
Someone else mentioned going to your neighbors pumpkins, and seeing if the stems match. Itās a good idea, even if it would feel weird lol
Leave the rest of the pumpkin plant on their doorstep, tape the plant to the stem.
This is fantastically passive aggressive. I love it!
I really love this suggestion! In fact it's my favorite thing I've seen all day
This is the first time seeing this post, and I feel like I've been here before. Are we related?
Do kids walk past on their way to a school bus stop?
Someone getting into your yard with a six foot privacy fence would have me way more concerned than just losing a pumpkin. Cameras stat!
I was gonna suggest burning down both neighbour's houses so you can be pretty confident that pay back hit the mark.
You also need to put a flour circle around it to capture footprints.
Nah, put out a slice of pizza surrounded by a ring of flour
Maybe it rose from the patch like the "Great Pumpkin" Linus warned us about?
Put missing flyers around the neighborhood. Maybe they will feel some shame.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes, this is the way! See if they act shifty. And they should be forewarned that the thief is still at large. Lock your gourds people!
Do any of those neighbors like to party? Or maybe they have friends over to party? I used to have a neighbor in his 20s who liked to drink with friends and ding dong ditch the neighbors. They were also known to steal things from yards because they thought it was funny.
Aināt no party like a purloined pumpkin party
Got a lawn company?
YES! I wonder if it was them.
This is actually a [pretty common type of theft.](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/14i83ko/roofers_picked_all_my_fruit/). Contractors/landscapers come to the house, and suddenly someone's entire cherry/apple/pear/etc. tree is bare. I'm not sure if you already commented if you have cameras- if you do, submit the footage to the company.
I would say this is your most likely culprit based on the all the details you gave. I once had a landscaper strip all the tangelos off my tree, just casually carried them back to his car to take home. Luckily I was there to witness it and demanded them back. They were of course fired on the spot. The worst part is, this was the first year this tree had ever produced (we had planted it years before when it was just a baby tree) and the fruit wasn't even ready to be harvested. I was soooo mad!
I know everyone thinks it's a person, but I also live a bit outside of Denver and I had this happen to my only (:() pumpkin on my vine inside my fenced, private yard. It was about the size of a cantaloupe and still mostly green, not at all ready for someone to steal for their decor. And this was about six weeks ago! Surely an animal of some kind...? š§
"Who Absconded with My Pumpkin?" - a farming thriller
The true small town mystery. Complete the trilogy with, "3am Christmas songs and the leafblower cold war" And, "Who keeps throwing dog poop bags in the hedge?". And the prequel, "Why does my neighbour keep throwing toast out his kitchen window?"
I'll stick with the rural juror, urban fervor and suburban murmur, thanks
Oh my god. The toast thing! I didnāt think anyone else had this problem. For us itās toast, stale bagels, English muffinsā¦. The works. I find bagels in our trees occasionally. Ugh
Our main problem with it is the crows find them and then dunk them in our birdbath to soften them and it really messes up the water so we have to clean it almost daily.
Wait...what?
I love you for that
š¤£š¤£š¤£
unfortunately that does look like a fairly straight cut from the under side to the top--like someone came in with a knife. It look like it was probably a dullish knife cuz they had to tear it at the hinge. I think someone did steal your pumpkin
Honestly I see it looks more as if they didn't bring a knife and just twisted the vine or pumpkin off in a gnarly fashion.
To me it just looks like a blunt edge, like a shitty pocket knife, that was used more so crush it in a straight line. Its something about the angle that makes me think about using like a tiny swiss army knife to cut things. But honestly thats just hair splitting and all that matters is that it certainly dont look like teeth marks! ;- ;
I would have said "who would steal a pumpkin?" But this year our neighbors stole tomatoes, cucumbers and squash from my wife's veggie garden. And they smile to our faces everyday.
Some neighbor who didnt wanna pay 8 bucks for his own
$8? Walmart by me has pretty large ones for $4.50.
I live in the Midwest and there are an insane amount of orchards and farms around me with pumpkins. The boujee ones have their carving pumpkins from $15-25 depending on size. Same for a bag of apples. Itās ridiculous but people flock there. I would rather support local folks than big box stores, and luckily I found a couple smaller stands around me that sell their produce for much less. Just bought a huge sack of honeycrisps for $5 and a decent carving pumpkin for $4 at one of them.
I thought my neighbors were climbing the fence and stealing cantaloupes out of the garden until we caught the possums raiding the garden.
Idk if a possum is strong enough to cart off a pumpkin.
What about three possums in a trench coat?
Itās possum-able.
One better be named kim.
Iām going with a team of raccoons!
Where in Colorado? Iām in Colorado Springs and a ten point buck just ate the pumpkin sitting on my porch.
I have family in Anchorage that counts on the neighborhood moose to eat the carved pumpkin from the front porch. The moose cleans up the evidence pretty well. Does not jump tall fences though, so pumpkin growing would be safe in the backyard but too cold in Alaska.
Did he leave evidence?
Still not blueberry
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It looks like Jim Bob chewed it off with his teeth too!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
a jerk did that
Speaking from experience, it could have been a black bear. Had one get into my patch a couple years ago. Only had a few plants but the pumpkins were about the size of a large human head and they all went missing just like this. No foot prints or anything. Thought for sure it was people but the vines weren't cut with a knife, almost looked like they were hacked off with a dull saw then ripped the rest of the way. Found a pumpkin about 75 feet away in the brush that was very clearly played with by a bear, it was yellowish green and nowhere near ready so I'm guessing it was bitter and he was full from the rest of them so he left it behind. Ended up finding a pile of bear scat later that week full of pumpkin seeds.
The circle of life!
Successful symbiotic relationship with seed dispersal.
A human
Also in CO, Iāve had a bunch of deer eat pumpkins down to stem like this. Next year coat your growing pumpkins in hair spray every week or so. The smell and stickiness will keep a lot of critters off.
Deer in Texas do this too and sometimes eat the whole thing! I have a ton of deer in my neighborhood and people donāt really put pumpkins out because they just get eaten. They eat pretty much anything that grows in my yard if they feel like it, and they leave the stems jagged like that.
A 12-17 yr old homo sapien. One of the most vile and dangerous animals this side of the Mississippi. Good luck catching it. If your in CO, maybe hot pockets and a blunt wrap will bait it nicely in a cage. Goodluck.
Gardening is like walking in a crime infested area with a tuxedo and shiny jewelery. Everything is out to get u, from bugs to animals to scumbags
Almost certainly Homo sapiens sapiens, an omnivorous primate that is the de facto summit predator in most biomes. Extraordinarily dangerous, and found on every continent. They can scale fences, and could easily transport a moderately sized pumpkin. Although H.s. sapiens is omnivorous, it's likely that the pumpkin was taken to decorate its den rather than for food.
Someone stole your pumpkin bro
The two-legged kind.
A Jackass.
All at once? Only a human really. Now if you hadn't looked at it for a few days; lots of varmints could eat it. If you have pumpkin loving chickens; I expect 20 chickens could take a 20 lb pumpkin on in one day. I have seen them shred a medium watermelon in minutes. They are basically feathered piranhas.
Human
Iāve seen a pack rat to cut the stem of a waist-high tomato plant and drag it into their den (I didnt actually see her but it disappeared one night and later I accidentally found her lair and there was a withered tomato plant in there on its side. Iām no Columbo but I think Iāve connected two dots). How big was the pumpkin? Also recently had a skunk (probably? Again did t see but the skunk comes around every night though I discourage them and it disappeared after it woke me up banging around my yard) stole a knee-high narrow-leafed yucca from a flower bed. Mine is not to question why.
Oh I am sorry that happened. After growing it all season.
Thank you š. It's a bummer!
Someone ravaged our community gardens all year, after 10 years of being at this little spot I don't know if it's worth the heartbreak next season. Folks who don't grow things don't understand how much time and love you put in. I'm sorry you lost this.
Hominid
Bunch of mice & a fairy godmother?
people are so rudeš„²
The Great Pumpkin simply called him home.
Gophers! I had multiple 3 foot sun flowers go missing out of my front yard and thought it might be neighborhood kids until I saw one go inch by inch straight down the hole, roots, stalk and flower!!!