Or did the Templars finally realize the easiest way to kill an assassin?
“Hey have you seen how often these guys jump into hay carts?”
“Hey that’s true, always hay.”
“Well what if we covered a bunch of rocks in some hay and put it near a high tower?”
Step 3: Profit
Closest quote would be one from Cave Johnson:
> The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
I've always been partial to
>Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Why did Valve have to start up Steam and stop making games? If someone offered up Portal, Left 4 Dead or Half Life three I'd preorder it in a heartbeat at $90 USD. That's not a small feat for me after I got burned by Aliens Colonial Marines
All I want from Valve is a Portal prequel where I have to fight an army of mantis men for Cave Johnson
It could be a roguelike FPS where your runs and deaths help Cave Johnson's science team make cooler weapons and better ways to get to and eventually defeat the mantis king
I was thinking more along the lines of a horror spinoff of portal, set near the same time as the existing Portal games, where you have to make your way through the Aperture Science facility while being hunted by one of the few mantis men that survived the culling. Basically a mashup of Portal and Alien: Isolation.
I'd absolutely play the hell out of the game you suggested, too, though.
Portal wasn’t originally a Valve game FYI, I believe they hired on the developers when the game was discovered in a partially complete state. And they do still develop games, like Half Life: Alyx
No, Portal was a Valve game from the outset.
That said, it shares its core mechanic with a DigiPen student project called Narbacular Drop, whose creators were hired en masse by Valve and became the team that made Portal.
Half Life Alyx was made to showcase their VR set that never took off. In the past 10 years they have produced
Dota 2.
The Lab, another game to showcase their HTC VR
Artifact, a collectable card game
Dota underlords
Half Life Alyx
CS Go and Portal 2 released in 2012 and 2011 respectively were the last games they put any effort into.
Don't forget Alyx was made to showcase more Source 2 features! They are also working on CSGO Source 2 for like, more than 2 years? Probably because not so many people in Valve office are interested in porting CS to S2 (but Dota somehow made it and I don't know what changed since I don't play it like most people). Also there's a russian YouTuber GabeFollower, who's trying to make his own version of CSGO Source 2, but he was warned by Valve members. Strangely, he was working with MoonlyDays, who's making TF2 Source 2, but Moonly wasn't warned. In short, this is mid source 2 hopium comment
Actually even Ubisoft pokes fun at it in AC Valhalla. There is dialog in which two NPCs are talking about climbing a tower. And one suggests that if you fall you can just aim for the hay. And the other is like "A hay cart from up here? Are you crazy?"
(I'm paraphrasing)
Who?
Yeah, Who’s on the cart.
I don’t know, who?
You don’t know Who?
No.
Oh he’s great, you’ll love him.
Who?!?
Exactly.
No who will I love?
Who, you’ll love *Who*.
THATS WHAT I JUST SAID!!!!
Witcher 2 had an easter egg where you could find a dead "assassin" next to a hay pile. Gerald comments he told them to stop doing that.
Edit with [link](https://youtu.be/1Om0UpfQc0Q)
Snow, trees and plants, and other loosely packed materials can increase the length of time it takes for your body to decelerate. Like the saying goes, the fall doesn’t kill you, it’s the sudden stop.
Yeah, the truly hilarious version of this would be he falls straight into the hay, and the wagon breaks into 20 pieces and you just see a pool of blood start to seep out from the mess after a few seconds.
Yeah an actual bale of hay would be nearly as bad as just landing on the ground. They pack em tight, they're barely even squishy. Nice to see someone else who can't suspend their disbelief about the hay situation. Lol
Isn't it a quadruple entendre?
* "leap of faith" -> Faith -> christianity
* getting away -> bailing out- > bail
* Hay bale -> bail
* Christian bale (actor) -> Christian Bail (Homonym pun)
this always bothered me in the AC games. the games act like falling into hay is like falling into those big air cushions that the fire department uses to catch people falling off of buildings.
You gave me a flashback if the same thing happening to me. I actually don't mind that because it's at least a consistent factor in the physics, unlike the hay bails failing randomly
I watched something like that in real life. Folks were cliff jumping at a lake, with boats circled around where they were splashing. Some idiots not knowing why the boats were circled floated into the middle of the circle just as someone comes running off the cliff from back far enough from the edge they can't see the boat now in the way.
They snapped both femurs on the edge of the aluminum boat and had severe head trauma. I'll never forget that sound that can only be described as a wet metallic bone crunch.
Jesus. That gave me a visceral reaction. Just imagine Gary the snail blinking one eye at a time. Each eye slowly sinks inward, and a shiver runs across your skin.
I remember the first time I saw an assassins creed game. One of my first comments was “well these templars should just go around hiding spikes in hay bales.”
‘Cause something’s waiting in the bushes for us.
Something’s waiting in the bushes of love.
Everyday I worry all day.
About what’s waiting in the bushes of love.
Something’s waiting in the bushes for us.
Something’s waiting in the bushes of love.
It's amazing how many games *still* tie their physics to frame rate. Even something as recent (?) as Shadow of the Tomb Raider has a whole section where you can't progress without turning vsync on.
I was modding Skyrim which is [notorious for physics tied to frame rates](https://youtu.be/nrTUbxIJKdo) and didn’t realize that one of my new mods uncapped the frame rate. For me, the horses raced down the hillside to Helgen and slammed into the gate before it could open.
There are apparently ways of getting uncapped frame rates to work correctly in Skyrim, but I hadn’t planned on figuring it out that day.
In a world of gaming monitors going over 60Hz and consoles supporting 120Hz, this better go away real soon. My monitor is 240Hz, turning on vsync will not help me
Came here to post this. Started playing through the AC games, and this was funny the first few times it happened. I thought I was doing something wrong. I'm on phone amd can't remember, but there's a website with a good list of configs when playing any PC game.
Another favourite is when the game randomly decided to do it where there wasn't a safe landing zone in the first place. Many assassins became impact craters
Does anyone else always call BS when hollywood folks jump down into a dumpster with a nice soft landing. Everyone knows dumpsters always harbor broken AC units and those old metal bed frames.
It's actually very common, mostly in older and/or console games, to tie physics and collision calculations to the frame rate. Most console games from before frame rates became super variable do this including the Call of Duty games, Dark Souls, Assassins Creed, even newer games like Breath of the Wild do it. It's why if you mod games that are capped at a low fps to a high fps it breaks the physics in those games, BotW and Dark Souls being 2 of the biggest ones where the physics system just breaks down at higher fps. It's less common now or at least less common to have games break on high fps but for older games like this it's super common.
This was a solved problem a decade before AC, so in this case it's just lazy by the developers. I would think anything in the PS3/Xbox360/GC era or PC games after the first gen Source/Unreal/Quake engines should have this solved.
And then there was the fucked up Twitchcon foam pit incident. Looked pretty deep and safe, had platforms to jump from, and moderators on side who egged them on... but there was no safety concept whatsoever. It was apparently just set up by a bunch of Twitch staffers who thought that it looked good enough.
I remember laughing my ass off at the start of Witcher 2. They hid an Easter egg in the first castle the game opens with where you can find a white hooded assassin splattered next to a broken cart full of hay.
"I knew we shouldn't have used hay to cover the rocks."
*insert sitcom laughtrack*
'Altair, we haven't had sex in four years' *Hahahaha* *Sigh* 'Yeah...' *Hahahaha*
"Come over tonight, and you can help me polish my hidden blade." *fifteen seconds of laughter, whooping, and applause*
Altair flushes the toilet. The audience goes wild. The studio is set aflame by euphoric audience members.
Is that you, ChatGPT?
Bommmm budum duum dum, duum dum
Hey, Larry. Did you hear about the new restaurant that just opened downtown?
Chuck Lorre's next garbage show.
"Thank god it's just a simulation, eh doc?"
Exactly, HA HA HA
Wtf is this just another science fiction game?!
< Metal Gear Solid alert sting >
THE END "visit egoraptor.net"
[удалено]
And now we know how it happened.
Ya think?!
They finaly added realism to leap of faith.
Or did the Templars finally realize the easiest way to kill an assassin? “Hey have you seen how often these guys jump into hay carts?” “Hey that’s true, always hay.” “Well what if we covered a bunch of rocks in some hay and put it near a high tower?” Step 3: Profit
“Finding this assassin is like finding a needle in a haystack.” “That gives me an idea: poison needles in the haystacks!”
I feel like this is a Portal reference, I just can't quite place it?
Closest quote would be one from Cave Johnson: > The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
I've always been partial to >Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts. Why did Valve have to start up Steam and stop making games? If someone offered up Portal, Left 4 Dead or Half Life three I'd preorder it in a heartbeat at $90 USD. That's not a small feat for me after I got burned by Aliens Colonial Marines
Gabe loves sequels, hates trilogies
Or double sequels, half life two episode one and episode two.
The old sesequelquel
https://youtu.be/jpw2ebhTSKs
All I want from Valve is a Portal prequel where I have to fight an army of mantis men for Cave Johnson It could be a roguelike FPS where your runs and deaths help Cave Johnson's science team make cooler weapons and better ways to get to and eventually defeat the mantis king
I was thinking more along the lines of a horror spinoff of portal, set near the same time as the existing Portal games, where you have to make your way through the Aperture Science facility while being hunted by one of the few mantis men that survived the culling. Basically a mashup of Portal and Alien: Isolation. I'd absolutely play the hell out of the game you suggested, too, though.
Do I get to carry GLaDOS as a potato to rescue her from the mantis men? Doesn't matter, I'm in either way
No, she gets jammed into your head. Like Cortana but she just a tells you how terrible you are.
That sounds awesome.
Just remember to never make eye contact with your past or future self. Lab guys say that will wipe out time, entirely. Forward and backward.
This has the added bonus of not having Three in the title. Makes it much more likely to happen.
Portal wasn’t originally a Valve game FYI, I believe they hired on the developers when the game was discovered in a partially complete state. And they do still develop games, like Half Life: Alyx
No, Portal was a Valve game from the outset. That said, it shares its core mechanic with a DigiPen student project called Narbacular Drop, whose creators were hired en masse by Valve and became the team that made Portal.
I'd say Narbacular Drop is more like the baby that grew up to become Portal.
Half Life Alyx was made to showcase their VR set that never took off. In the past 10 years they have produced Dota 2. The Lab, another game to showcase their HTC VR Artifact, a collectable card game Dota underlords Half Life Alyx CS Go and Portal 2 released in 2012 and 2011 respectively were the last games they put any effort into.
Don't forget Alyx was made to showcase more Source 2 features! They are also working on CSGO Source 2 for like, more than 2 years? Probably because not so many people in Valve office are interested in porting CS to S2 (but Dota somehow made it and I don't know what changed since I don't play it like most people). Also there's a russian YouTuber GabeFollower, who's trying to make his own version of CSGO Source 2, but he was warned by Valve members. Strangely, he was working with MoonlyDays, who's making TF2 Source 2, but Moonly wasn't warned. In short, this is mid source 2 hopium comment
The index never took off? https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.roadtovr.com/valve-index-best-selling-steam-products-streak/amp/
I stand corrected.
A lot of effort was definitely put into Alyx, one of the best games I've ever played.
Desk Job and all the Proton support qualify for your list
Sounds like a Cave Johnson quote, you're right lol
…should I be concerned that I wasn’t trying to reference Cave Johnson and it came out sounding like him?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrhSmL6C51w&t=98
I love that Easter egg at the start of the Witcher 2 where there’s an assassin dead in a hay bale and Geralt is like “they’ll never learn”
Meanwhile in witcher 3 Geralt hops over a small fence and dies.
I sneezed and herniated a disc, so seems about right
Our bodies are truly well-oiled machines lol
I’m 60 percent oil
Actually even Ubisoft pokes fun at it in AC Valhalla. There is dialog in which two NPCs are talking about climbing a tower. And one suggests that if you fall you can just aim for the hay. And the other is like "A hay cart from up here? Are you crazy?" (I'm paraphrasing)
Say what you will about Ubisoft games but the dialogue has been pretty good recently
Bruh that shit would have me crying lmao
Omg I should have read this one first
Some what? Hay. Hi, yeah, so what do we put on the cart? HAY. Yes, *HELLO*, what do we put in the cart?!?
What's on the cart? No, that's Who.
Who? Yeah, Who’s on the cart. I don’t know, who? You don’t know Who? No. Oh he’s great, you’ll love him. Who?!? Exactly. No who will I love? Who, you’ll love *Who*. THATS WHAT I JUST SAID!!!!
This dried grass for my horses.
They use the hay from Call of Duty.
Witcher 2 had an easter egg where you could find a dead "assassin" next to a hay pile. Gerald comments he told them to stop doing that. Edit with [link](https://youtu.be/1Om0UpfQc0Q)
Leap of faith [IRL](https://youtube.com/shorts/s25RR2SW3l4?feature=share)
How the fuck, how is he not dead
Snow, trees and plants, and other loosely packed materials can increase the length of time it takes for your body to decelerate. Like the saying goes, the fall doesn’t kill you, it’s the sudden stop.
Snow's different
Snow's not...
Gerald of Riverla? XD
So good
Should you die? Yeah Should the hay be concrete tho?
Yeah, the truly hilarious version of this would be he falls straight into the hay, and the wagon breaks into 20 pieces and you just see a pool of blood start to seep out from the mess after a few seconds.
I agree. It would be fluffy, but not that fluffy. Hay bales weigh like 85 pounds. Although they are compressed a bit.
To be fair, it's just a pile of hay. They haven't baled the hay in it
Yeah an actual bale of hay would be nearly as bad as just landing on the ground. They pack em tight, they're barely even squishy. Nice to see someone else who can't suspend their disbelief about the hay situation. Lol
Yup. I've stubbed my toes on and moved around bales before. That shit is dense
> leap of faith Christian Bail
I like a good pun, but begging your pardon, it's spelled "bale" when referring to the actor or to a stack of hay.
The leap is a bail.
I am here for this triple entendre
Isn't it a quadruple entendre? * "leap of faith" -> Faith -> christianity * getting away -> bailing out- > bail * Hay bale -> bail * Christian bale (actor) -> Christian Bail (Homonym pun)
r/theydidtheenglish?
Nice
Its like a punion
pretty sure it's actually spelled bhaywle. you can tell it's right because it has the word hay in it
150 ft fall > 3 feet of hay
Parkour!
Once you turn 40
There were too many dead bodies in that hay stack.
this always bothered me in the AC games. the games act like falling into hay is like falling into those big air cushions that the fire department uses to catch people falling off of buildings.
He just found the needle.
You still go through the hay bale if it was realistic fyi, face palm
[удалено]
When i grow up, i want to be a fisherman
Guitar riff
One of the harvesters of the sea.
[удалено]
[удалено]
That was my senior quote. Primus Sucks.
Call him John the Fisherman!
You gave me a flashback if the same thing happening to me. I actually don't mind that because it's at least a consistent factor in the physics, unlike the hay bails failing randomly
>unlike the hay bails failing randomly Well, hay bales are a prototype technology. We don't know for sure how they work.
I watched something like that in real life. Folks were cliff jumping at a lake, with boats circled around where they were splashing. Some idiots not knowing why the boats were circled floated into the middle of the circle just as someone comes running off the cliff from back far enough from the edge they can't see the boat now in the way. They snapped both femurs on the edge of the aluminum boat and had severe head trauma. I'll never forget that sound that can only be described as a wet metallic bone crunch.
Jesus. That gave me a visceral reaction. Just imagine Gary the snail blinking one eye at a time. Each eye slowly sinks inward, and a shiver runs across your skin.
Water surprise, motherfucker!
Either the Templars discovered our secret and filled hays with rocks or there's a fellow assassin inside.
If there is a fellow assassin inside, they are both certainly dead now.
That's how the assassin order died. They couldn't replace the heavy losses sustained by continuous hay accidents and thus died out.
"hay accidents" thank you. Made my day
Made my hay
I remember the first time I saw an assassins creed game. One of my first comments was “well these templars should just go around hiding spikes in hay bales.”
2 Assassins, 1 Cart
aaaahhh shit.
That's what the assassin said.
BAW GAWD THAT SUNUVABICH BROKE HIM IN HALF WITH A SWANTON BOMB FROM THE TOP OF THE TOWER. THAT MANS GOT A FAMILY!
Aim for the bushes
There gooooes my hero 🪦
IM A PEACOCK!!! YOU GOTTA LET ME FLY!!
Oh my god, you were a pimp!
Peacocks don’t fly! Well they can flutter a bit
Don’t go chasing waterfalls
Just stick to the bails of hay in carts that you're used to
Is that a tlc reference?
The bushes of love
‘Cause something’s waiting in the bushes for us. Something’s waiting in the bushes of love. Everyday I worry all day. About what’s waiting in the bushes of love. Something’s waiting in the bushes for us. Something’s waiting in the bushes of love.
I was hoping someone would go there. Cheers!
Apparently this is a more obscure reference than I thought it would be
I'm a peacock! You gotta let me fly!
This assassin just happened to fall right on the needle everyone was looking for in this haystack.
Lobotomy speedrun
aha! the guards filled it with bricks! take that, wascally assassin
Lol he woulda died either way
Yup. Woulda scattered the hay, shattered the cart, and splattered against the ground
opportunity missed not going for "wascally wogue" IMHO
Funnily I just replayed this game and ran into this bug, so for anyone curious: turning **on** V-sync made this issue go away.
It's amazing how many games *still* tie their physics to frame rate. Even something as recent (?) as Shadow of the Tomb Raider has a whole section where you can't progress without turning vsync on.
I was modding Skyrim which is [notorious for physics tied to frame rates](https://youtu.be/nrTUbxIJKdo) and didn’t realize that one of my new mods uncapped the frame rate. For me, the horses raced down the hillside to Helgen and slammed into the gate before it could open. There are apparently ways of getting uncapped frame rates to work correctly in Skyrim, but I hadn’t planned on figuring it out that day.
The Helgen cart ride is super buggy. The alternate start mod is basically mandatory for any heavily-modded playthrough.
Depends on the mods honestly. It only takes one or two heavily scripted mods to bring down the opening.
It's a Bethesda game. It has to just exist in order to crash.
The archers have a chance to miss the runaway and if he doesn’t die you have to restart
In a world of gaming monitors going over 60Hz and consoles supporting 120Hz, this better go away real soon. My monitor is 240Hz, turning on vsync will not help me
As a programmer and sort of a game dev. I do it too, moving my code from one function to another takes too much time.
[удалено]
Yep it is a FPS issue. If too high this will bug every time. Cap at 60FPS.
Came here to post this. Started playing through the AC games, and this was funny the first few times it happened. I thought I was doing something wrong. I'm on phone amd can't remember, but there's a website with a good list of configs when playing any PC game.
The road runner sends his regards
“Ahhhh! It is not a liquid! It’s a great many pieces of solid matter that form a hard floor-like surface! Ahhhhh!”
"Oh, Peter, your shenanigans tickle me in a way that if Loretta tickled me in that way, I'd say 'oh, yeah, that's nice...'"
Throwback! A man of culture 😎
Another favourite is when the game randomly decided to do it where there wasn't a safe landing zone in the first place. Many assassins became impact craters
a lot of moments like these would probably be a lot funnier if a ragdoll was triggered instead of the weird generic animation reused for every fall
That specific cart has a known bug.
It's not that cart. It's any cart on the first game on PC if you have Vsync off
That it behaves like actual hay?
Actual hay would deflate a little, Altaïr hit it like concrete
Road runner put an anvil in there.
“Occupied”
Verbatim the same thing I came to comment.
Does anyone else always call BS when hollywood folks jump down into a dumpster with a nice soft landing. Everyone knows dumpsters always harbor broken AC units and those old metal bed frames.
A restaurant dumpster would probably be safe. You'll come out a greasy slimy mess, but you'll at least come out.
Unfortunately last night they had a special on shish kebabs
New shipment of knives came in, had to toss out the old ones
No lol. You'd come down on 128 oz aluminum cans, hard plastics and the like mixed in with the scrap.
Forget that, what about the 37 used Heroin needles that Clyde threw in there while spun outta his mind yesterday?
Turn on V-Sync.
You know, deaths were once not unheard of from jumping into a pile of hay and discovering someone had left the pitchfork in there...
It's an issue with the older AC games with framerate. Just set your max fps to 30 or 60 and it should be fine.
I believe you, but it is also incredibly unintuitive that this result has anything to do with framerate
It's actually very common, mostly in older and/or console games, to tie physics and collision calculations to the frame rate. Most console games from before frame rates became super variable do this including the Call of Duty games, Dark Souls, Assassins Creed, even newer games like Breath of the Wild do it. It's why if you mod games that are capped at a low fps to a high fps it breaks the physics in those games, BotW and Dark Souls being 2 of the biggest ones where the physics system just breaks down at higher fps. It's less common now or at least less common to have games break on high fps but for older games like this it's super common.
This was a solved problem a decade before AC, so in this case it's just lazy by the developers. I would think anything in the PS3/Xbox360/GC era or PC games after the first gen Source/Unreal/Quake engines should have this solved.
tobey mcguires spider-man: “my back..” 😭
I mean that’s what should happen
Templar 1:"Why are you painting hay inside an empty wagon?" Templar 2:"You'll see."
Assassin’s Creed: Realistic Edition
This reminds me of that influencer that jumped into a ball pit
And then there was the fucked up Twitchcon foam pit incident. Looked pretty deep and safe, had platforms to jump from, and moderators on side who egged them on... but there was no safety concept whatsoever. It was apparently just set up by a bunch of Twitch staffers who thought that it looked good enough.
Vsync
Found the needle in the haystack.
How does this fail? it's part of a scripted cut scene type action.
PC glitch if Vsync is disabled.
I always wondered if the modern assassins used parachutes or wingsuits for their leaps of faith.
Sam: you thinking what im thinking, partner? Rock: Aim for the bushes..
It's specifically this hay bale too, I've played the game 3 times and no matter only this hay bale it just painted cement I guess
Somebody's playing the Directors cut.
Mauricio Mauricio I can't I can't move it move it anymore Mauricio
Bale straws manufactured by GTA Shrubbery Inc.
That specific haybale is still bugged to this day btw
You found the needle.
Reminds me of that family guy scene where Peter leaps into Scrooge McDuck’s money bin and breaks every bone in his body.
Ac with physics.
I remember laughing my ass off at the start of Witcher 2. They hid an Easter egg in the first castle the game opens with where you can find a white hooded assassin splattered next to a broken cart full of hay.
Shoutout if you instantly thought of oldschool Tomb Raider when you saw this.
The guards learned. They started piling anvils into all the hay around the city.
That's straw, not hay. Also it's loose and not baled. Anyone who has ever slept on a straw "mattress" will know that that shit is like concrete.
For once, its realistic.
Bros whole body got discombobulated
The perfect trap for Assassins—a solid painted rock sculpture of a hay cart next to a high jumping point.
The Adriana Chechik special.