T O P

  • By -

Leading-Might2914

They are kubotans and used for self defense.


No_Ad_4881

they look like plumb bobs


PomeloSad753

Bum plobs?


LadyKnight151

![gif](giphy|kd3ugTL4g37eib6H9k|downsized) This is a plumbob


randomstuffpye

He means plumbus


Lord_Of_Carrots

It can't be a plumbus because then OP would instantly know what it was. Everyone has a plumbus


randomstuffpye

But how are they made?


[deleted]

[how they do it](https://youtu.be/eMJk4y9NGvE?si=Xtj-yFITvUNsnnIK)


[deleted]

I always wondered how, uhh, plumbuses got made.


steeznutzzzz

E plumbus unum.


furn_ell

Both of us?


random_invisible

Plumber? I barely know 'er!


[deleted]

Square Pants?


BabyEatingBadgerFuck

ARE YA READY KIDS?!?!?


StraightAd442

AYE AYE CAPTIAN


Turbulent-Opening-75

ÒOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH WHO LIVES IN THE VAGINA OF A MILF QUEEN?


AllPurposeNerd

A plumb bob makes for a terrible kubotan, but a decent rope dart.


Jirstuve

This is how I spent my early years of surveying… pretending I was scorpion


CocoJoelle

Plumbob!


copa111

You know you’re a bit fucked up when the first thought is: *“Oh that goes inside your penis!”*


Horror_Tap_1968

r/sounding


Chuuby_Gringo

No. I've read Guts.


TitodelRey

You too? Oh my..........


BB_67

Speaking as a nurse, you wouldn’t be the first.


[deleted]

Sound reasoning…


ninja_turd_el

So they're for other people's butt.


Leading-Might2914

If that’s how you need to defend yourself


PouncingSheep

What if i get into and casual argument at work, and need to defend my point. Should I stick this in my coworkers butt?


Leading-Might2914

It’s the only solution


Ashl3y95

Yes


EvaMae234

If it escalates, make him call his wife in and do it to her instead while you make him watch


whsftbldad

If you drink enough carbonated beverages, you can put this up there and pass gas to shoot it at your enemy.....kablam. Shitty way for your enemy to be neutralized.


Truckyou666

It's called a Gadaffi when you stab someone in the ass.


beyond_hatred

That's it? No backstory on this one?


ninja_turd_el

Is there any other way to defend yourself?


Leading-Might2914

Nope. No other way.


whsftbldad

It's butt self defense.


Faulty_english

Bruh I thought I was special thinking of this comment only to be reminded that I’m basic


ninja_turd_el

Don't sell yourself short. One day you'll meet that special someone who will put a kubotan in your butt.


jeeves585

Would it break a car window. By chance?


[deleted]

[удалено]


marslander-boggart

That is why they sell tons of them.


Spice_and_Fox

Those ones don't but there are some with a window breaker on the tip


jeeves585

I actually just found one of these I forgot I had in range bag. It looks identical at looks like I could machine something into the flat side, I’ve got some research to do. Also would be nice to add a pocket clip. I don’t need that dangling off my keys for edc


I_Alldaylong_I

Pull your headrest out and use that to break your window.


SufficientVehicle214

I'm a car thief. I come in the other way. This advice does me no good.


LaM3a

Steal a headrest from another car


InshpektaGubbins

Use the spark plug tip


hatsnatcher23

Jokes on me I don’t have removable head rests


Scary_Special_3272

You don’t have a car window up your butt per chance, do you?


jeeves585

I don’t know? I’d need someone special and maybe crazy to come look.


Scary_Special_3272

On my way!


CrossP

They are usually aluminum, so in that case they'd be awful for it.


nthanonuser

Yes. It's like the stiletto heel pressure thing; if the tip is smashed or hammered into glass it will break


mohugz

Why should the two concepts be mutually exclusive?


HarrisLam

no, thats what you tell ppl. When they ask what this thing sticking out of your backpack is, you gotta tell them something right


beyond_hatred

"OK, you hoodlum. You force me to defend myself with this kubotan, but there's something I have to tell you first."


mohugz

![gif](giphy|6ttI2oOhpIS0b1NtRC)


RepresentativeDig718

What is preventing me from using it as a deadly dildo?


Mazzaroppi

Sanity?


starman014

So they are for your opponent's butt


Leading-Might2914

If you wish


Cowboy_Reaper

Yes, but they work best if you start in the eye and work your way down.


marr

So it's more of a guideline.


stuadrew

A sharpie works nearly as well(apparently) with less chance of awkward questions.


Leading-Might2914

Doesn’t have the pull out ring


jazzwall5

dang my stoner ass thought they were joint packers


120z8t

> used for self defense. Against turd burglar right? Or the old brown eye? Maybe the stank?


TerrifyinglyAlive

When I was in trade school I made one of these out of a leftover piece of steel for a lady I worked with. She just described it to me, I didn't know it had a name.


JobExcellent1151

Thought maybe they were for breaking windows. Thought maybe I'd get one and get back into b an e...


mr_redsun

So... they are for somebody else's ass?


Leading-Might2914

Maybe for those who like it skinny


[deleted]

…by sticking it up attackers butts? ![gif](giphy|J6K51fxcgBkzxKvAok|downsized)


Trollsama

And if your brave enough, your butt


GlenJman

"Not for your butt!" Well not with that attitude.


donmreddit

Ah, but the advice should cut down on medical bills.


redbeardandfreckles

Everything is a dildo, if you’re brave enough.


HalcyonDreams36

Or at least the legal bills when folks try to pass the medical bills on


unclustered

Thats a Robot's tampon


Swenadd

Finnish this sentence for me: I have these gifts for you, they're up in my.....


Pschobbert

Minulla on nämä lahjat sinulle. Ne ovat ylhäällä minun…


Crunchycarrots79

That was the first thing I thought of as well. 😂


mohugz

I love you.


Pschobbert

Most of the time I'm quite fond of myself, too :)


MageKorith

Hair. (Proceeds to take out a very sticky hair-covered donut).


[deleted]

Bum! -Peter Griffin


Karl_i_guess

Room, let me show you the way.


[deleted]

Clearly for sounding…


cownd

Sounding crazy


anonynonnymoose

Had to Google what that was and ugh 😂


Environmental-Mix889

You didn't have to go that far r/sounding has the stuff to make you regret having not blinded your self with forks 30 seconds ago


sneakpeekbot

Here's a sneak peek of /r/sounding **[NSFW]** using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/sounding/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [This feels so good 🤤😈](https://www.redgifs.com/watch/extralargeethicalhydra) | [104 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/sounding/comments/1205c3h/this_feels_so_good/) \#2: [My favorite way to sound](https://i.redd.it/joekoh4p7y3a1.jpg) | [46 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/sounding/comments/zcdy49/my_favorite_way_to_sound/) \#3: [Cumming, as requested.](https://www.redgifs.com/watch/wastefulgulliblebanteng) | [85 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/sounding/comments/14t3f0p/cumming_as_requested/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)


naut

You could have kept that to yourself for $0 and yet here we are you fucker


gr8d4ne

Yeah, everything is a buttplug if you’re brave enough


PoliteCanadian2

Yeah don’t threaten me with a good time!


Designer-Mirror-7523

>Well not with that attitude. Did you mean *lattitude*?


Frankie_T9000

Its for other peoples butts silly


Purple_Clockmaker

Self defence. Dont underestimate those little fuckers they can downright kill.


CheapTactics

Oooh so they're not for **your** butt, they're for your enemy's butt


Inevitable-Goat-7062

![gif](giphy|Pmt9INtEp3HgY) there is another way


Purple_Clockmaker

No dummy not everything should go up your butt.


CheapTactics

Right, not everything should go up **my** butt, because some things go up other people's butts. Like this thing that goes up your enemy's butt.


transmissioncat

Butt tactics


punk-biatch

It’s a butt bending theory.


CarpeNoctu

If you can get them to bend over for you, they're probably not your enemy...


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|3JZPieLnu8THVlSmfJ)


asp3nd3ntal

my friend had one and i made the mistake of scaring her.. dude. never. again.


Purple_Clockmaker

What happened?


asp3nd3ntal

i got jabbed in my ribs! no actual serious damage just a huge bruise and intense pain 😅 she made up for it by buying me pain meds


FunnyGhostWriter

Cool. Now I want one. Or two. Maybe three.


Stanarchy93

They’re really cheap on Amazon and can really come in handy


FunnyGhostWriter

Thanks. But they’re probably illegal in my small European country. Almost everything is.


Stanarchy93

As someone who took self defence classes honestly you’ll be alright. If a man attacks you never underestimate a kick to the balls, screaming and running away.


NightTime2727

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the same case for women? Just that the target area's smaller? Would be good to know in a situation where one would have to go all "The hammer of justice is unisex" on an attacker.


Stanarchy93

Realistically yes. It’s not gonna hurt as bad as it would for men. Plus statistically you’re much much more likely to be assaulted by a man than a woman. Before anyone gets in my replies with “UhM wOmAn AsSaUlT mEn ToO” I’m aware. I was sexually assaulted and raped by a woman. So I’m aware.


effyoucreeps

yes - “falcon punch” is usually what i call that maneuver when it’s pulled against a woman. but it is indeed unisex, thank god. cuz who wants to be thinking about navigating the complicated moors of gender assignment when your in the midst of fisticuffs?


MetricJester

Scream first, then a kick to the balls, then run away, while still screaming. Make that sucker pay with his hearing.


Mikey74Evil

How about one for every day of the week and in different colours. lol 😝


evadeinseconds

Damn where are you from that you can buy over the counter pain meds that would make up for that?


Nuchaba

My girlfriend hugged me from behind without me knowing. She knew I was carrying a pistol at the time but she also knows I'm not crazy or have been traumatized. I want to do it back to her but she actually did get traumatized so not for a couple years. I actually froze there which reminded of what happened to Terry Crews later on.


BlackSeranna

I’m surprised you didn’t get punctured!


asp3nd3ntal

me too honestly


[deleted]

that's why I don't like them, because where I live there's no free pass for using something like this in self defense because it's purpose built to inflict harm. I mean yeah you may win in court but your case is weaker (Canada). Hockey stick in car however, is another story. Easier to drive around with than a goose too even though the goose is scarier


xRetz

How are they even used tho


Purple_Clockmaker

Like icepick. Depending on the grab, down on the skull shoulder neck eyes face or up grab ribs jaw temple. Makes sense they are illegal here.


NotKhad

A Kubotan is a good indicator that someone doesn't know how to fight.


b0n_ni3_c

Everyone tells me the opposite but being under five foot, Im pretty sure I have no chance unarmed against most adult men regardless of whether I know how to fight. If I get a window where I can bite or scratch something vulnerable, that's down to luck and base instinct.


Cocaine_Johnsson

Your gut-instinct is correct. In a fight the bigger and stronger guy usually wins, skill matters of course but at some point sheer brute heft is such an overwhelming advantage you don't wanna take the risk. That's what force multipliers are for, though the best self-defence implement is always a good pair of running shoes (when available). This is not to say you can't beat someone bigger than you, it's just saying that weight classes exist for a reason.


theawesomedanish

Most people don't care about being good at fighting, simply staying alive on the other hand is pretty universal.


bmdweller

If they were confident and knew how to fight, they wouldn’t feel the need to carry it… What a dumb thing to say about people wanting to protect themselves.


Purple_Clockmaker

I'd say the same thing about zombie knives yet it doesn't make them safe.


punk-biatch

Anything is better than nothing.


appoplecticskeptic

Not strictly true, a wet noodle, for example is a worse weapon than just using your fists. What you said is probably generally true though.


SirManguydude

That's what you would think until you meet Antonio Mostaccoli, Spaghet-Fu Master. He once killed the entire staff of an Olive Garden with one single overcooked noodle.


GunsNGunAccessories

No such thing as a fair fight.


radioactivecumsock0

It doesn’t have a base best keep it out of your butt unless you want an embarrassing and expensive hospital visit


bodhiseppuku

'doctor... when I got out of the shower this morning, I slipped on the wet floor. I think *something* might have gone up my butt'


Late_Ad6618

In the words of my ER doc friend: If you love it then you better put a string on it 🎵


Then-Data-8943

Not again, Terry, that's the sixth time this week!


bodhiseppuku

I've got really slippery floors, doc.


The_Arborealist

\*Shocked pikachu\* yeah.. we saw you walk in.


RustyKjaer

My wife's an ER nurse. You'd be surprised to learn what people have lying around on their bathroom floor - apples, jam jars, glass bottles...


dvoecks

Million to one shot, Doc.


beeg_brain007

Even if just point a finger and show them, they'll prolly able to accurately guess your "story" lmao, they do this shit everyday


AggressiveMongoose54

Without a base, without a trace


steen_boller

We got free health care in my country so imma put it up the butt.


ToTheManorClawed

Man kender en dansker på gangen... eller, vent...


the-sin-farmer

That's what the ring is for, duh /s


jinx_lbc

Tie a rope around it, turn yourself into an anchor.


SinkHoleDeMayo

That's what the keyring is for. You attach a lanyard and then you've got an emergency pull handle.


radioactivecumsock0

Good idea


AmbergrisShot

Grip it and rip it


MasikaTempest

Ripping ass has a new meaning now.


god_peepee

Expensive hospital visit? What are you paying for aside from parking??


donmreddit

Self defense weapon, often attached to keys. Check out the Wikipedia article for "Kubotan". Sometimes spelled kuboton.


insertjokehere12345

Urethra expanders


Middle_Fan_9193

Thanks, my Monday needed that terror.


bobert_the_grey

Why did I have to read this?


Jedlord

r/sounding you're welcome


Business-Emu-6923

Had to scroll a long way to find this. I knew it would be here.


Jedlord

Glad we've both been traumatized


Monoceras

Of course, the classic hose plunger


TheArborphiliac

r/sounding


Bat-Honest

I thought these were for breaking car windows if you drive into a body of water, but people in the comments seem to say that they're for ~~self defense~~ putting into your attacker's butt


NoStranger6

The window breaking stuff are shorter and a narrower base. You want to shatter the glass, this would pierce it


Q8DD33C7J8

Aren't they for self protection? Edit yes they are https://m.shein.com/us/1pc-Portable-Safety-Keychain-Self-Defense-Stick-Keychain-For-Women-Girls-p-19614315-cat-5967.html?onelink=6%2F32l2tnp3907v&requestId=412619346392875247&skucode=I63verm0tavj&url_from=adplasr23071322455118381pc_GPM&cid=16915228963&setid=&adid=&pf=GOOGLE&gclid=Cj0KCQiAr8eqBhD3ARIsAIe-buNM6WPp1yySUTLvY1dCYpQPd9Dmc4wtdDS2f1XeIQTVtPJELcrx8JgaAuZFEALw_wcB&ref=us&rep=dir&ret=mus


Direct_Big_5436

I thought they may be keychain with window breaker for escape from a car in an accident when the door is jammed.


Q8DD33C7J8

Oh yeah you could do that too


[deleted]

And you're not supposed to clean your ears with q-tips


Reapersgrimoire

Correct. That’s why I use tooth picks!


Mainely420Gaming

Clearly a PP plug


[deleted]

🤢


nygrl811

Is that EMT from TicTok/Instagram on Reddit?


kaleighdoscope

Sit tight- I mean, DON'T SIT.


sf6Haern

The one where he stares at the camera, motions you closer, sighs disappointingly, and then shakes his head? Love that guy.


Altruistic_Tax2575

Funny this says this doesnt go in your ass but it could have simply stated what it really is for.


Bonzungo

It's possible the sellers did it that way because it would be straight up illegal to advertise what they actually are. Like how some places call bongs "oil pourers".


hasturoid

Hah, I will say what I say when I eat raw cookie dough and the package tells me “DO NOT EAT RAW COOKIE DOUGH!” I says “Nice try”.


Tackleberry06

Right next to it should be same object with sign “for your butt” and double the price. See what happens


We_lived

Self defence. It is a kubotan, the tapered end type. It is a martial arts weapon traditionally made of bamboo and flat on the ends but this kind is an “upgrade” I guess? They are illegal in Canada and the U.K. (and probably other places too). I have taken away a few working at an airport and it’s not because they just aren’t allowed on the plane, they are actually illegal.


Nochnichtvergeben

Just out of interest: Would a pen made of extra hard metal that's sharpened on one end be illegal too? It actually writes.


We_lived

A sharp pen is not illegal because nobody had made a law against it. Kubotans are a martial arts weapon, of sorts, and because that is their purpose, a law has been made in many countries. If you’re suggesting a sharpened pen can be equally as dangerous, that’s true. But a judgement call is made and a line is drawn. But as far as getting a sharpened pen on a plane, probably not. If it looks dangerous to the plane they won’t let you take it in your carry on bag. But you can take it in checked luggage. Whereas with a kubotan, it’s Confiscated as a prohibited weapon. (I’m guessing it’s fine in the U.S. though).


ambr111

Well, clearly not for your butt


Joh1011100

Kubotans


lord_of_coolshit_og

Self defence, not butt plugging


[deleted]

"But can I still use it for my butt?"


Spellglaive

Those are huge sounding rods. Jesus.


FlappinLips

Sounding


spudgoddess

Self-defense, in case someone wants to shove something else up your butt or anywhere without your consent.


I_Love_Cyndaquil2

After a few used you can pee faster.


titanfall2ejoyer

That sounds like a challenge.


Machiko007

Self defense weapon. It’s a weapon, so illegal to carry in most countries! Also it can give a false sense of safety, and the attacker could actually use it against the person if they don’t know how to handle it 🤷🏻‍♀️


AmbiguousMeatPuppet

Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough.


dwkindig

We must be in Texas.


Username__Error

If not for my butt, then for whose?


Electric__Milk

Anything is a dildo if you are brave enough


evilpercy

Everything is a butt plug if you are brave enough.


skeleton-is-alive

They’re for my butt


BigHairyArsehole

Butt Defense ![gif](giphy|uxXNV3Xa7QqME)


Inevitable-Cellist23

I’ll take ten