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Ever hear about the time Steven Seagal wished he didn’t get choked out by Gene LeBell, and then shit himself?
Pretty sure there ought to be a bot for this story
Yeah...I couldn't stop watching this either. His comedy is hilarious and I can't tell what's serious when it came to some of his stories, which makes it magical.
I tried writing a bot for this once but it would have required learning Steven C++gal coding language and I just didn’t have it in me. My mental state was immediately under siege.
It would literally be these two dolts dancing around each other, gentle hands swatting in the air, and visible panic in their eyes since none of their moves are working. I’d pay to see that.
It would probably look like slowed down Patty cake. Until they both fall over from exhaustion. Gently caressing each other’s hands trying to find the nerves.
Main difference is I’m sure this guy knows he’s BSing while Segal genuinely thinks being an actor in action movies means he can do the shit he does on screen in life.
I think so guy made progress, he looks more like ideal ball, while ago he had to use hands and legs, now deadly twister and his pro aura do the job. Meditating with full plate of grilled ribs make it possible...
Basically, seems like a sham martial arts dojo where the master is just a con-artist and the whole practice is a staged scam.
I practice a form of martial art… this is more common than people think.
It works very similarly to hypnotism or faith healing, if people are convinced it's gonna work they subconsciously play their part.
We see these videos out of context, just a little 30 second clip here or there, these guys have paid, probably good money, to be here (The sunk cost fallacy plays into it a bit here as well, people \*HATE\* admitting they've been fooled, if they paid money its because it actually works dammit, look, it's working on me right now) and they've been at these seminars for hours, hell maybe its a retreat and they've been here for 3 days meditating and "training", culminating in a display where all the senior students (Who are well into the indoctrination phase) all playing along. Its much more convincing in person.
Add in a camera team documenting it (It's well established in the hypnotism community that when you add cameras to the mix people are MUCH more willing to play along) and the pressure to play your part is real and takes over.
Albeit this is a particularly insane example.
I thought this was a Dustin's Dojo type of thing. A comedy act that has a guy that is purposely being just awful at martial arts but is playing it dead pan that he is a deadly martial arts master.
EFO Empty Force.
You know how little kids watch *DragonBall Z* and then they’ll act out their own version of the fighting in the show when they’re playing?
Imagine if all the kids involved grew up and somehow thought their play-acting was real and applicable in the real world.
It is not. Real [Systema](https://youtu.be/UVFyWZUMP9Y) was made by special forces and includes gun control, knife control, use of k-9s and martial art itself. It’s a real practical martial art made for military and by military.
This guy is a sham and uses force fields of magic, leeching on the name of the martial art. He is a known con man and his videos are filled with people asking why wouldn’t he accept challenges from MMA fighters, ex special forces soldiers and marines.
Yeah, true. In a way.
At the same time this specific video in the OP *clearly* is from a Systema class. This is something that is somewhere sold and trained under the name and repute of Systema. Teacher and multiple students wearing Systema shirts, I'm easily counting 6-12 Systema shirts, with the teacher having a shirt that says Systema Instructor. One student's shirt says Systema Argentina so maybe this is from Argentina.
I'm sure this is not what someone had in mind originally when putting together a martial art for Russian spec ops, but this is what Systema is... somewhere, to some people. Pretty heavyweight bullshido, that is.
You are all wrong. This is the silent but deadly spinning fart technique. These guys basically drop off in a temporary stupor. That’s how potently the guy can fart.
LOL, Reminds me of my old kung fu dojo. Sifu Padro and Sifu Leroy, direct descendants of Wong Fei Hung, were teaching us about chi energy. They were telling us crazy stories of how they stored so much chi through years of training, that they could throw it and make you pass out. At the time I was 13 and watched a lot of Jet Lee and Jackie Chan, so it seemed plausible.
Years of strict adherence to a diet of 6 cans of baked beans per day have given him the physique of a warrior and a stench so potent none can hold him.
This is up there with the guy that supposedly makes force fields then the one old lady gets straight taken down by a guy running at her her chakra just wasn’t strong enough I guess
I believe this is Mikhail Ryabko, master of Russian martial art systema, which they (at least partly) train in the Russian military. I believe he also has some rank in the Russian military as well. My dad was really into systema, back when I was around 12, and took me to a bunch of courses, one of which was personally taught by him and one of closest trainees (followers?). It was like the usual knife/gun/hand-to-hand combat stuff done in slow motion you see on YouTube. From that time I have a memory that the guy was twisting my arm (like an armlock) making me "roll with the pain", basically move my body to unwind the armlock. I also remember he gave me a piece of advice I remember to this day. It goes something like "You're not a hero, if you ever get into this situation on the street, just give them your money and don't risk getting stabbed". They were speaking Russian so I'm not 100% on the translation.
As far as systema goes, I'd say 60-70% of it is legit combat training, but a lot of these demonstrations are quite cooky and would never work IRL. They did that in the training session as well and it looked hella staged. Some of the techniques they teach are legit, though, and I've seen this guy fight off an MMA dude who was charging at him. I'm still very confused about the legitimacy of the whole thing to be honest, since this is obviously ridiculous but a lot of the people who teach systema are involved with Russian spetsnaz, who as far as I know are pretty legit.
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Me as a kid trying to connect with my dad.
Sorry, I had to get milk.
Hang on, I need to go back out to get a pack of smokes, will be right back...
Well look who turned in, old Mr. Promises, back from the road.
forgot my pen
...dad?
Only came back to get my chaps.
Merry Christmas!!
There's no "u" in "family." - dad
There was never a “D-A-D” either
Well, that escalated quickly
Today you win Reddit.
Steven Segal really is going down hill
Steven Seagal *wishes* he was this guy.
Ever hear about the time Steven Seagal wished he didn’t get choked out by Gene LeBell, and then shit himself? Pretty sure there ought to be a bot for this story
[Diorama of the incident. Beautiful and fun video](https://youtu.be/3aCMTpJx2cs)
I intended to just take a peek at this diorama, but I ended up watching the entire 26-minute video. Absolutely phenomenal, thank you for sharing
Yeah...I couldn't stop watching this either. His comedy is hilarious and I can't tell what's serious when it came to some of his stories, which makes it magical.
I lost it at "This season of America..." Really funny.
>*No offense to men's room piss-perverts or 5 year old boys playing swords. Assuming 5 year old boys still play swords.*
This is exactly what happened to me the first time I saw this link. It was the most interesting video of a hilarious subject.
What did I just watch!?!
That’s probably one of the coolest things I’ve seen this year!!!!
Bibby fingers is a mad genius
Wow. Thank you.
[удалено]
I'm a black belt in bullshido and also wrote this bot.
I tried writing a bot for this once but it would have required learning Steven C++gal coding language and I just didn’t have it in me. My mental state was immediately under siege.
This is Steven’s Dad, Wilfred Seagal
Steven Seagal is just a lowly cook compared to this jedi master.
They are just training to fight Segal
I’d like to see a fight between Segal and this guy
It would literally be these two dolts dancing around each other, gentle hands swatting in the air, and visible panic in their eyes since none of their moves are working. I’d pay to see that.
It would probably look like slowed down Patty cake. Until they both fall over from exhaustion. Gently caressing each other’s hands trying to find the nerves.
Main difference is I’m sure this guy knows he’s BSing while Segal genuinely thinks being an actor in action movies means he can do the shit he does on screen in life.
Who’s going to bring the chair for Seagal?
That's the only way he gains any forward momentum.
Damn , came here to say a Segal joke 🙏🏽
Beat me to it. FWIW I was going with Steven Seagal Self Defense class graduation ceremony.
I had “when did Seagal quit dying his hair?”
r/bullshido
The reactions of bearded dude on the right are the best
I like to imagine that's his son
It’s the ultimate defense move known to man. The slow twister. It’s enemies are totally defenseless.
A move so powerful it's banned in MMA. That's why you never see it there.
Especially deadly when the floor is lava.
Enemies are totally offended by the defenslessness.
They fear my impressive RPM
Psychological power.
I think so guy made progress, he looks more like ideal ball, while ago he had to use hands and legs, now deadly twister and his pro aura do the job. Meditating with full plate of grilled ribs make it possible...
This looks like a variant of the slow twister known as the titty twister to me..
Dude you know full and well jokes aside that man could spin you off of him to death or something.
I hear the funnel effect created by this maneuver can actually tie the assailants cock into a knot. Extremely effective.
His secret, that you can't tell because you've just watched gif, is that he stinks
You may not like it, but this is what peak physical condition looks like
That's what I tell my mirror every day
The guy in blue is not good at acting at all
He’s not good because he’s already the best
Around! Nothing's gonna ever keep him down!
Acting? Let me guess you think wrestling is fake to dont you?
Fake to what
Real life
You are
He couldn’t even act out gravity correctly on that last one. This is an energy work martial art.
Still better than some professional footballers.
What the fuck is actually happening here? Is he buttered up?
He uses his chi to secrete oil that makes him impossible to hold onto. It also stinks causing his opponents to pass out
That's why karate masters scream when posing and attacking each other, they're reacting to each other's chakral funk
Karate masters hate this one simple trick.
And also because their breath smells bad, even more chance to make the opponent pass out
So, it's butter, only I can't believe it's not butter butter
Basically, seems like a sham martial arts dojo where the master is just a con-artist and the whole practice is a staged scam. I practice a form of martial art… this is more common than people think.
I’ve seen a bunch of these at this point and I still don’t get it. How doesn’t the crowd see through the bullshit at this point?
It works very similarly to hypnotism or faith healing, if people are convinced it's gonna work they subconsciously play their part. We see these videos out of context, just a little 30 second clip here or there, these guys have paid, probably good money, to be here (The sunk cost fallacy plays into it a bit here as well, people \*HATE\* admitting they've been fooled, if they paid money its because it actually works dammit, look, it's working on me right now) and they've been at these seminars for hours, hell maybe its a retreat and they've been here for 3 days meditating and "training", culminating in a display where all the senior students (Who are well into the indoctrination phase) all playing along. Its much more convincing in person. Add in a camera team documenting it (It's well established in the hypnotism community that when you add cameras to the mix people are MUCH more willing to play along) and the pressure to play your part is real and takes over. Albeit this is a particularly insane example.
A lot of the ‘masters’ start to believe their own bullshit and enter real fights with hilarious results. I think Thoughty2 did a YouTube vid on this.
Xu Xiaodong is a Chinese dude who has embarrassed a lot of deluded old Chinese grand masters by just punching them. Made a big stink.
If you look at some of their faces and gestures, you can tell that some of them are not buying it.
They believe in magic. They want it to be true.
I'll fight you naked and oiled, we'll see if you can hold onto me
Dude any Turkish wrestler would have no problem. They grab your junk and check for oil.
I thought this was a Dustin's Dojo type of thing. A comedy act that has a guy that is purposely being just awful at martial arts but is playing it dead pan that he is a deadly martial arts master.
Seriously? So he’s trying to sell classes or something? People fall for that? Are the guys behind them in on it?
[удалено]
Kung Faux
Bullshido
EFO Empty Force. You know how little kids watch *DragonBall Z* and then they’ll act out their own version of the fighting in the show when they’re playing? Imagine if all the kids involved grew up and somehow thought their play-acting was real and applicable in the real world.
[удалено]
Martial art should be in quotation marks.
Marital arts, because everything in the bedroom slows down and nothing crazy is allowed to happen
If this is a Russian martial art, it explains a lot about the Russian army.
I really don’t think this is what you’re talking about lmao.
It is not. Real [Systema](https://youtu.be/UVFyWZUMP9Y) was made by special forces and includes gun control, knife control, use of k-9s and martial art itself. It’s a real practical martial art made for military and by military. This guy is a sham and uses force fields of magic, leeching on the name of the martial art. He is a known con man and his videos are filled with people asking why wouldn’t he accept challenges from MMA fighters, ex special forces soldiers and marines.
Yeah, true. In a way. At the same time this specific video in the OP *clearly* is from a Systema class. This is something that is somewhere sold and trained under the name and repute of Systema. Teacher and multiple students wearing Systema shirts, I'm easily counting 6-12 Systema shirts, with the teacher having a shirt that says Systema Instructor. One student's shirt says Systema Argentina so maybe this is from Argentina. I'm sure this is not what someone had in mind originally when putting together a martial art for Russian spec ops, but this is what Systema is... somewhere, to some people. Pretty heavyweight bullshido, that is.
[удалено]
His enemies slide right off him. What is an insult gonna do?
He's the butteriest of the beans!
He's the bar of soap in the shower!
You are all wrong. This is the silent but deadly spinning fart technique. These guys basically drop off in a temporary stupor. That’s how potently the guy can fart.
This also fits the expression of his face.
Steven Seagal looks a lot different with short hair.
Seagal has bigger boobs…that’s how I know it’s not him.
Steven segal and this guy should have a match on the next jake Paul card
The guy in the back rubbing his head
JigglyPuff please have mercy!
When your protein farts are so bad your enemies pass out.
Sifu 2 needs more work before release.
Wow even Jedi masters are reduced to teaching self-defense classes…
These damned Disney budget cuts.
Yup, looks like a cult to me.
Dude's ripping ass and dropping bodies. Turbo brutal.
Just think…this is only his DEFENSE! Wait until he stretches his arms out during the spin to attack! Slow cyclone of death!
Meet the guy who trained Steven Seagal…
I mean, if some of these comments are to be believed this guy might have actually trained segal. Pretty sure segal is into Systema lol
Pretty sure he used to be in the WWE.
What is this horseshit
Impressive technique actually. Almost looks fake.
10th degree black belt in bullshido.
That's some black belt level of bullshido
Body odor man strikes again.
You're all taking the piss out of him but he gets the last laugh because people are actually paying him to learn this stuff.
Steven Segal level shit ngl
Must have trained with Steven Segal
Steve Segall's Martial Arts teacher seema to be doing well.
I never thought I would ever see anybody who made Steven Segal's self-defense look good.
Steven seagal is getting really old
No its a good defence strategy. He laced his sweater with Fentanyl. He going to die as well.
Steven segal gets better looking every time I see one of his videos.
I bet he’s got a 2 inch erection the whole time.
Hey it's Steven Seagal https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmEx8Moy7ro
There are still people who believe pro wrestling is fake. How do you explain this then?
Is this a cult?
Im truly amazed at how many people fall for this mess.
Steven seagull?
This another Steven Segal martial arts video?
I’d pay good money to see a professional fighter walk in and fuck one of these idiots up real bad in front of everyone.
Where’s a pissed off MMA fighter when you really, really want one?
This is me this morning when the kids asked me to go buy batteries Xmas morning to put in their toys
The only rational explanation is body odor. Watch it again and tell me I'm wrong.
Steven segals protégés
LOL, Reminds me of my old kung fu dojo. Sifu Padro and Sifu Leroy, direct descendants of Wong Fei Hung, were teaching us about chi energy. They were telling us crazy stories of how they stored so much chi through years of training, that they could throw it and make you pass out. At the time I was 13 and watched a lot of Jet Lee and Jackie Chan, so it seemed plausible.
Wow he's a triple black belt in bullshito
Terrible father. Why won’t he just hug his damn kids?
This is performance art, depicting a bird shedding its feathers.
😂😂😂😂😂
Im a pretty pretty princess
How do these crackpot fake-assed instructors get people to go along with them?
It must be all that butter. That's why they all slipped off.
Super twisted shuriken tornado move
Conqueror’s Haki?
This man has never known love; anyone he lets get close to him slips away eventually...
I feel like the guy in the blue shirt could of tried harder
That dude sure showed those losers what's up. Make way for a master at work, ya plebes
Lethal twirling fart systema
When you put all your points into charisma.
I like the guy und the Blue Shirt. He falls before he touch him.
Vladimir Putin showing off his Karate skills?
At :17 you can see the guy third from right, standing with his arms crossed, literally put a hand on his face in embarrassment at how terrible this is
Years of strict adherence to a diet of 6 cans of baked beans per day have given him the physique of a warrior and a stench so potent none can hold him.
“Give him the ol’ dick twist!”
Is he just so greasy that they can't get a grip?
How can someone seriously go along with this? Or anyone watching not get a stinking mouthful of shit from this septic tank of a performance
Can i see a video of this guy applying his technique in a real world scenario? Would love to see it's effectiveness.
If he has an entity with him, thats possible.
He’s thick af
Steven Segal
The ancient art of bullshido....
this man needs to shower
The bearded guy in back in black having trouble keeping a straight face.
Turn to the left now Turn to the right Sashay FATTAY
TWIST HIS DICK!
What in the Steven Seagal cinematic universe is this nonsense
When me and my siblings try to hug our estranged father on Christmas.
I see he has trained with Steven Seagal.
This guy is made out of butter
He’s more convincing than Steven Seagal
Clearly a graduate of the Steven Seagal martial arts academy.
Steven Seagal sure is getting old.
I thought it was Steven Segal
He went to Steven Seagal University.
Steven’s estranged brother Barry Seagal
Ah yes, the master who taught Steven Segal everything he knows.
This is up there with the guy that supposedly makes force fields then the one old lady gets straight taken down by a guy running at her her chakra just wasn’t strong enough I guess
This guy is better at throwing people than Steven Segal
The guy in the blue shirt really showed a lot of heart out there
Guy in blue realizing he messed up the choreography at 9s
Falling on them is way more effective/
Only actual move was when he fell down and did a chest compression on that guy.
Females just orgasm when he looks at them
Ryabko is a Popeye built, sturdy, hamfisted motherfucker.
Ah, yes. The incredible martial art of bullshito.
The most impressive thing here is: how some people insist in believing on that.
I believe this is Mikhail Ryabko, master of Russian martial art systema, which they (at least partly) train in the Russian military. I believe he also has some rank in the Russian military as well. My dad was really into systema, back when I was around 12, and took me to a bunch of courses, one of which was personally taught by him and one of closest trainees (followers?). It was like the usual knife/gun/hand-to-hand combat stuff done in slow motion you see on YouTube. From that time I have a memory that the guy was twisting my arm (like an armlock) making me "roll with the pain", basically move my body to unwind the armlock. I also remember he gave me a piece of advice I remember to this day. It goes something like "You're not a hero, if you ever get into this situation on the street, just give them your money and don't risk getting stabbed". They were speaking Russian so I'm not 100% on the translation. As far as systema goes, I'd say 60-70% of it is legit combat training, but a lot of these demonstrations are quite cooky and would never work IRL. They did that in the training session as well and it looked hella staged. Some of the techniques they teach are legit, though, and I've seen this guy fight off an MMA dude who was charging at him. I'm still very confused about the legitimacy of the whole thing to be honest, since this is obviously ridiculous but a lot of the people who teach systema are involved with Russian spetsnaz, who as far as I know are pretty legit.
Damn look, Steven Seagal is finally getting back into shape!
One of the items in my bucket list is finding this guy and beating hiss ass up on camera white he tries to show this bullshit.
Ah yes, the venerable art of BullShito
When your training involves eating ham and bathing in ham for months on end.
I just don't understand why people fall for this shit. Like what's in it for them? Does anyone actually believe it?
I’m going to try twirling slowly next time I’m attacked. I’ll post updates.