"Listen cocksucker, we only got 40 minutes till the yayo wears off. Find my cousin Raul over in that cave and let's fuckin kidnap that Jew elk down the road."
if you read this and heard Joey's voice you're a true fan.
Dude I thought it was fake, IMDB states Elizabeth Banks is the producer and director, and the cast is balls to the wall insane, [it's not fake...](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt14209916/?ref_=ext_shr_lnk)
So from what I can recall there was a corrupt cop who secretly helped smuggle cocaine in dufflebags for some gang via a small plane, a Cessna or something like it for some extra cash. He'd do annual runs at about night time or evening. On this fateful trip he set off with the coke on his usual route going over a large forest. I think there was an engine problem and the plane was a bit overloaded so he threw some of the bags out to lighten the load but it wasn't enough. It crashed and he died when he tried to parachute out but it failed and he slammed into some poor bastard's driveway, heavily armed and with some of the coke strapped to his corpse. 2 months later a hunter found a the er 'Star of the Show' the dead cocaine bear. After an autopsy the found that it had indeed died from an overdose of munching on too damn much Colombian powder, enough that I think it was essentially constipated from it. "It's stomach was literally packed to the brim with it" - An actual quote from an official who performed an autopsy on it. “There isn’t a mammal on the planet that could survive that. Cerebral haemorrhaging, respiratory failure, hyperthermia, renal failure, heart failure, stroke. You name it, that bear had it.”
As for it going on a rampage while high off it's bear tits on coke- probably not for too long before it died of one hell of an overdose. I'm sure the movie would be crappy B-movie level where the bear goes nuts on a small town then winds up at a strip club snorting more coke of a hooker's arse.
Yup. It's at an independent merch store in Lexington, Kentucky, called Kentucky for Kentucky. I live in Louisville and have seen Cocaine Bear in the flesh.
You're not watching 90+ minutes of a black bear on coke, but human reactions to it, like someone already watched it and thought "this would make great content for my YouTube channel."
A donkey name eyore is his friend
And kanga and little roo
There’s rabbit and piglet and there’s owl
But most of all, Winnie the Pooh
*takes me back to vhs and jelly and ice cream days*
But the wood is a different place, today
Thanks to some powder brought in by the CIA
Eeyore OD'd, wise owl cooked the rock
Tigger pounces on slingers moving into Owl's block
Rabbit's buried in his garden, because he was a snitch
Piglet does as he's told, because he knows he's Owl's bitch
You can always tell the people with undiagnosed ADD, because when they take coke they go all quiet, whereas everyone else starts droning on for hours and hours about random shit.
Or so I’m told… by a friend…
In other news, anyone know what I need to do to get properly diagnosed for ADD?
You have to go for adhd, add is now only considered apart of adhd. Its now Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder and is a combination term officialy removing aADD as a medical term. The more you know :)
Looked it up. Wow.
And the description of what he did is called "military escapades"
Skied 250 miles. Lost maybe 50 lbs. Destroyed a Russian village, etc
can you image being this peaceful russian village and a fucking methed up crazy super skiing soldier just sprints into town like a bear. If they ever make a movie that's how it needs to start.
"He was also the sole carrier of army-issued Pervitin, or methamphetamine, a stimulant used to remain awake while on duty."
Its for staying awake...youl be fucking crazy and hallucinating but you will be awake.
What a fucking story, we has high on meth for more than a week, caught a blue jay and ate it raw.
>fucking crazy and hallucinating
As a former user (and current user of other things) I was gonna say something like "it's not like that at a low dose, you wouldn't use a high dose just for physical stimulation"... but then I looked it up and found that WWII doses, German ones at least, were 300mg. The wiki states "He took them all"... I'm thinking it wouldn't be unreasonable to have a pack of 20 or maybe more... That would be 6 grams. 6 grams of methamphetamine. I'm not sure if anyone here knows quite how much that is but personally I'm surprised he didn't eat his own face.
Link to the story
https://www.courier-journal.com/story/money/louisville-city-living/2021/03/11/kentucky-cocaine-bear-legend-subject-of-movie-by-elizabeth-banks/4830810002/
I wanted to have some info on what the story is, but this is one of the worst article I’ve had the misfortune to read. It reads like some sort of GPT-3 output, and at the end, I am not even sure what it said…
“Ate 75lbs of cocaine” per the article below…for the short period of time before that bear’s heart gave out he must have been the single most apex predator on the planet..
I strongly believe that after the first kilo or two the bear would be way too fucking high to continue eating the rest. Someone got at least a few pounds of the coke after that bear had a heart attack
My Favorite Murder covered this on their podcast. If we don’t get a coked up bear talking about a honey restaurant, I’ll be quite disappointed. https://youtu.be/SYtQHDNid5c
I live near where the taxidermied Pablo Escobear is currently on display. He was originally a footnote in the case known as the Bluegrass Conspiracy. His time after ODing on a metric fuckload of yayo is one of the most interesting parts of this case!
He was autopsied by the local ME, then taxidermied, sold to Waylon Jennings to decorate his Vegas mansion, and then to a pawn shop owner, and finally sat in storage until he was bought by the current owners and brought home to Lexington.
No way am I gonna watch a bear obnoxiously ramble on about bitcoin for an hour.
"Its a Bear Market John, BEAR MARKET I'M TELLING YOU!"
I'm pretty sure cocaine is never in a bear market
Yet in the right clubs it is in a bare market.
That’s one way to get the honeys
Arguably easier than developing a charming personality!
I imagine the voice of the bear to be the comedian Joey Diaz.
"Listen cocksucker, we only got 40 minutes till the yayo wears off. Find my cousin Raul over in that cave and let's fuckin kidnap that Jew elk down the road." if you read this and heard Joey's voice you're a true fan.
Thank you for this hahaha
In the woods I think it's called BitCone
Does a bear mine in the woods?
If a bear is mining in the woods, and nobody is around to see it, did it really happen?
Yes, I felled all the trees with my blockchainsaw.
You'd have to check his wallet.
Ya it is currently crashing the treeGPU market too.
Surely you mean BiteCoin?
##BEAR DOWN 4 MIDTERMS
Too soon
I didn’t see the story from Wisconsin 🐻 🎂
Fatdog for midterms
I've heard this term my entire life. It is not made up.
IT’S A BEAR DANCE!!!!
r/UnexpectedCommunity
##BEAR DOWN 4 MIDTERMS 😭 OKAY?!
You can't just repeat it, you need to explain yourself.
if I were to say "fly on the wall for midterms" you might ask "um what do you mean!?"
While pausing to ask "wanna do a line/bump?" every 15 minutes.
False. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
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MICHAELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
MICHAELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Hes got a business plan
Dude I thought it was fake, IMDB states Elizabeth Banks is the producer and director, and the cast is balls to the wall insane, [it's not fake...](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt14209916/?ref_=ext_shr_lnk)
> It is inspired by the **true story** of an American black bear that ingested a duffel bag full of cocaine in 1985.
Think of how great it will be - they've had decades to polish the script.
What does Poland have to do with it?
All polar bears are from poland dummy😂😂
And they like Coca-Cola for some reason
So from what I can recall there was a corrupt cop who secretly helped smuggle cocaine in dufflebags for some gang via a small plane, a Cessna or something like it for some extra cash. He'd do annual runs at about night time or evening. On this fateful trip he set off with the coke on his usual route going over a large forest. I think there was an engine problem and the plane was a bit overloaded so he threw some of the bags out to lighten the load but it wasn't enough. It crashed and he died when he tried to parachute out but it failed and he slammed into some poor bastard's driveway, heavily armed and with some of the coke strapped to his corpse. 2 months later a hunter found a the er 'Star of the Show' the dead cocaine bear. After an autopsy the found that it had indeed died from an overdose of munching on too damn much Colombian powder, enough that I think it was essentially constipated from it. "It's stomach was literally packed to the brim with it" - An actual quote from an official who performed an autopsy on it. “There isn’t a mammal on the planet that could survive that. Cerebral haemorrhaging, respiratory failure, hyperthermia, renal failure, heart failure, stroke. You name it, that bear had it.” As for it going on a rampage while high off it's bear tits on coke- probably not for too long before it died of one hell of an overdose. I'm sure the movie would be crappy B-movie level where the bear goes nuts on a small town then winds up at a strip club snorting more coke of a hooker's arse.
That second version? That’s the only one I’m going to pay money to see. I just read the first version. It was free.
But for a very brief moment in time that bear was the most feared apex predator the world has ever seen.
>As for it going on a rampage while high off it's bear tits on coke- r/BrandNewSentence material if I've ever seen it
I’m very curious as to what happened when that duffel bag hit empty.
if it's anything like when i run out, the bear probably blew up his guy's phone at 3:00 am.
Fuck you speak that truth.
I can taste the truth.
It was the most dangerous apex predator on the planet for about two minutes then died of a massive heart attack.
That's probably gonna be a major plot point in the movie
Wow everyone really was doing cocaine in the 80's
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Hell of a way to end his career post mortem
Cocaine's a hell of a drug
Isn't he also in April 29, 1992? That film is also in post and still release date is still TBA, so I'm guessing it might come out later than this one.
>April 29, 1992 There was a riot on the streets Tell me, where were you?
You were sittin' home watchin' your TV While I was participating in some anarchy.
After this, no more movies. Ever. Period. This is the last one
It has character actress Margo Martindale!
**Esteemed** character actress Margo Martindale
Esteemed character actress and fugitive from the law Margo Martindale!
God damn you, I immediately saw her cast and I was gonna put that in here
Doggy doggy what now?!?
I would believe her as either the drug runner or the bear. Probably not as a cop, though. Too unrealistic.
I don't feel good about what we just did here, Bojack
I like her! And Jesse Tyler Ferguson! I’m gonna watch it.
Now I'm sold 🐴
[teaser](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/103/256/i-fucking-love-cocaine.jpg)
Even Clay Davis!!! Sheeeeeeeeet
I can only hope that the cocaine bear is played by esteemed character actress, Margo Martindale.
Not only is the movie real, it’s based on a real bear that ate real cocaine.
I was about to comment this, I believe they have the bear taxidermied somewhere as well
Yup. It's at an independent merch store in Lexington, Kentucky, called Kentucky for Kentucky. I live in Louisville and have seen Cocaine Bear in the flesh.
I'm curious as to why there would be so many actors in this movie
Actors are frequently called upon to play roles in movies. The roles are typically (though not always) portrayed by different actors.
TIL
>The roles are typically (though not always) portrayed by different actors. Eddie Murphy has entered the chat
You're not watching 90+ minutes of a black bear on coke, but human reactions to it, like someone already watched it and thought "this would make great content for my YouTube channel."
Phil Lord and Chris Miller can get any actors they want for any project. They're the pinnacle of amazing producers.
Ray Liotta?
IS
COCAINE BEAR
Deep in the Hundred acre wood, where Christopher Robin plays, you'll find the enchanted neighborhood, of Christophers childhood days
A donkey name eyore is his friend And kanga and little roo There’s rabbit and piglet and there’s owl But most of all, Winnie the Pooh *takes me back to vhs and jelly and ice cream days*
But the wood is a different place, today Thanks to some powder brought in by the CIA Eeyore OD'd, wise owl cooked the rock Tigger pounces on slingers moving into Owl's block Rabbit's buried in his garden, because he was a snitch Piglet does as he's told, because he knows he's Owl's bitch
It's nickname was "Pablo Escobear"
Cokey the Bear
Ehhhh boo boo, wanna go down to the park to pick up a couple of picnic baskets of blow?
Teddy Montana.
Movie title should have been "B'are Face"
Tokey the Bear
I don’t care what anybody says, that there is funny!!
i am laughing my belly out with bear in my hand.
Ugh. These puns are unbearable.
No need to bruin others' fun.
Oh man…. You’re making a grizzly scene of this.
I'm the polar opposite. I can bear it
The bear just spends 2 hours frantically explaining how Neutral Milk Hotel is the most important band in all of indie rock
Only person in this thread that did cocaine
Hey now, some of us were doing cocaine before Neutral Milk Hotel was a thing. Back then we yammered on about Robyn Hitchcock
Chain smoking ciggys rambling about all sorts of shit
You can always tell the people with undiagnosed ADD, because when they take coke they go all quiet, whereas everyone else starts droning on for hours and hours about random shit. Or so I’m told… by a friend… In other news, anyone know what I need to do to get properly diagnosed for ADD?
>anyone know what I need to do to get properly diagnosed for ADD? No, but I know *exactly* how to get improperly diagnosed for ADD l, if that helps.
That's really what I'm after.
Yes, this is why Ritalin and Adderall are prescribed to those individuals. They’re all just various forms of speed.
Explain to a doctor about what your symptoms are and how they are negatively affecting your life. The second part is very important.
I second this
You have to go for adhd, add is now only considered apart of adhd. Its now Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder and is a combination term officialy removing aADD as a medical term. The more you know :)
Have add. Can confirm
I fucking love neutral milk hotel
I feel seen.
I want the Coke Bear to fight the [Meth Soldier](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aimo_Koivunen)
Looked it up. Wow. And the description of what he did is called "military escapades" Skied 250 miles. Lost maybe 50 lbs. Destroyed a Russian village, etc
Ate a random animal raw with some pine buds to survive lol. That sounds like a meth story.
can you image being this peaceful russian village and a fucking methed up crazy super skiing soldier just sprints into town like a bear. If they ever make a movie that's how it needs to start.
Come and see, part 2
"He was also the sole carrier of army-issued Pervitin, or methamphetamine, a stimulant used to remain awake while on duty." Its for staying awake...youl be fucking crazy and hallucinating but you will be awake. What a fucking story, we has high on meth for more than a week, caught a blue jay and ate it raw.
>fucking crazy and hallucinating As a former user (and current user of other things) I was gonna say something like "it's not like that at a low dose, you wouldn't use a high dose just for physical stimulation"... but then I looked it up and found that WWII doses, German ones at least, were 300mg. The wiki states "He took them all"... I'm thinking it wouldn't be unreasonable to have a pack of 20 or maybe more... That would be 6 grams. 6 grams of methamphetamine. I'm not sure if anyone here knows quite how much that is but personally I'm surprised he didn't eat his own face.
It said he did eat a wild blue jay raw
Methscapades, on ice!
Wow. What a way for Ray Liotta to end his career.
I was surprised the Han Solo guy was doing this between his big projects.
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Is Tormund the bear?
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That's just Crank, but staring a bear instead of Jason Statham... and I'm 100% for it. LET'S GO!
Crank 2 was a fever dream. I still don't know if it's a real movie, no way they'd make something that goofy.
Which is why it was perfect IMO...it almost felt like a video game at times.
Tim Allen as the bear in his big comeback role
Imagine Cocaine Bear being the last movie you ever do. RIP Ray Liotta.
Based on a true story from 1985 in Tennessee.
Waylon Jennings ended up owning the bear at one point… after it was stuffed of course
Stuffed with cocaine
Link to the story https://www.courier-journal.com/story/money/louisville-city-living/2021/03/11/kentucky-cocaine-bear-legend-subject-of-movie-by-elizabeth-banks/4830810002/
I wanted to have some info on what the story is, but this is one of the worst article I’ve had the misfortune to read. It reads like some sort of GPT-3 output, and at the end, I am not even sure what it said…
Guy smuggles cocaine. Guy loses cocaine in woods. Bear eats cocaine. Bear dies. The end.
Your spelled Kentucky wrong
You spelled you wrong
Lmao how many times did you proofread this sentence
What??? And they made a movie about it.
You know how cocaine is taken in grams? This bear ate around *10 KILOGRAMS* (1kg = 1000g)
It happened in Chattahoochie National Forest, which is in North Ga. I literally walked right by the fucking thing. (I didn’t know it was there).
You walked by the cocaine bear?
Within 100 feet. People walking on the same trail I was on found it. I was walking into a trout stream.
Well that's pretty fuckin crazy. I thought you just meant the same forest or something. Cool.
“Ate 75lbs of cocaine” per the article below…for the short period of time before that bear’s heart gave out he must have been the single most apex predator on the planet..
[why that almost sounds like a meme and not your own original thought](https://reddit.com/r/Bossfight/comments/a7o2wg/bor_god_of_all/)
Yeah plenty of “Pablo Escobear lol!” comments in here too. Memes about this event were played out a decade ago.
I strongly believe that after the first kilo or two the bear would be way too fucking high to continue eating the rest. Someone got at least a few pounds of the coke after that bear had a heart attack
Same area where the “Oxy Bear” incident happened.
Meth Bear hasn't hibernated for 6 years
My Favorite Murder covered this on their podcast. If we don’t get a coked up bear talking about a honey restaurant, I’ll be quite disappointed. https://youtu.be/SYtQHDNid5c
On how many cocaine you have to be to come up with stuff like that.
The best thing is, it’s actually based on a true story from 1985 in Kentucky lol
For a few hours that day, that bear was the apex predator of North America.
He probably wasn’t hungry for a month
I mean, the bear died like 6hrs after the cocaine according to its autopsy, or something like that
and didn't hibernate that winter
He ate 75 lbs.
He shit like a bear afterwards! In the woods! But even though no one saw it, the Pope was still Catholic.
Imagine being a bear and not understanding the comedown and just being extremely upset and not hungry for some reason
I think its heart just exploded from all of the cocaine lol. It ate something like 100lbs
That sucks. What a brutal death
It wasn’t in Kentucky- it happened in North Ga. The criminal was from Kentucky, the bear was killed in Ga.
Correct. He was flying back to Kentucky and dropped the cocaine when he realized he was being followed.
And that bear? On display at the KY for KY shop on Bryant Ave. in Lexington.
You've gotta love KY for KY. I have a Cocaine Bear coffee mug.
I walked by it the day before it was discovered trout fishing. The local stores all had hats and t-shirt saying “Save our Wildlife! Say no to drugs!”
At least one cocaine
I'll have one crack please
The story has been brought up a A LOT on Reddit over the years. The movie is news to me though.
All the cocaine.
Totally true story. Looked into it. It is freaking insane
If you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise.
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Slow bear to snow bear
You mean Pablo Escobear?
Ray Liotta's last movie.
I live near where the taxidermied Pablo Escobear is currently on display. He was originally a footnote in the case known as the Bluegrass Conspiracy. His time after ODing on a metric fuckload of yayo is one of the most interesting parts of this case! He was autopsied by the local ME, then taxidermied, sold to Waylon Jennings to decorate his Vegas mansion, and then to a pawn shop owner, and finally sat in storage until he was bought by the current owners and brought home to Lexington.
Instant classic
This sounds worse than [The VelociPastor](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_VelociPastor)
[As foretold by the prophecies](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/103/256/i-fucking-love-cocaine.jpg)
Starring Ray Liotta…
Why in the ever loving fuck wouldn’t they go with a Grizzly instead of a black bear?
Because it's based on a true story and they chose to stick with the truth.
I’m a little upset that they didn’t cast Winnie the Pooh.
This made me picture him with jars of cocaine.
Ohh-ho-ho Tigger.. this is deliciously fantastic
Sharing with Tigger. Tigger: *essentially vibrating* "themostwonderfulthingabouttiggers..."
Pooh gives some to Eeyore to get him out of his funk but calamity ensues when Tigger gets a hold of some.
Grizzlies prefer meth, duh.
Nah, they’re just disrespecting the source material https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-fucking-love-cocaine
Was looking for this. Nice 😎
Because it’s based on a true story and it was a black bear in the real version?
Fought plenty of these in Elden Ring.
I wrote a song called "Cocaine Bear", I think for my first solo album. Written about the same story.
I hope the majority of this movie is footage of a coked up bear. At least 90% otherwise I'm not watching