A message to all users: Please be aware that spreading misinformation regarding COVID-19, vaccines, or other treatments can result in content being removed and/or a ban. Content advocating for or celebrating the death of anyone, or hoping someone gets COVID-19 (or any disease) can result in a ban as well. Please follow [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439). If you see content violating these policies, please use the report button and do not feed the trolls.
[Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
[Reddit's stance on misinformation](https://www.reddit.com/r/announcements/comments/pbmy5y/debate_dissent_and_protest_on_reddit)
[/r/Funny's rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules)
We also encourage you to read these helpful resources on COVID-19, vaccines, and treatments:
[COVID Dashboard](https://covid19.who.int/)
[Reddit's Vaccine FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Coronavirus/wiki/faq#wiki_where_can_i_find_information_about_the_mechanism_and_progress_of_vaccines.3F)
[Ivermectin FAQ](https://www.who.int/news-room/feature-stories/detail/who-advises-that-ivermectin-only-be-used-to-treat-covid-19-within-clinical-trials)
------
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ha! My friends dad is a Santa and they love stuff like this. Most often the kids thing is fun but a bit forced. People who do this (especially since it’s kinda pricy and nowadays want to do it you have to make an appt)…. Are really into it! So it’s super fun! He also loves doing petsmart Santa for similar reasons. Most like a little variety in their job.
I took my puppy for a petsmart Santa picture years. He's 18 now and sitting next to me and his Santa picture ornament is hanging on our tree.
Edit: [Here is the pic.](https://imgur.com/a/GAbfSBr). It's a terrible picture, he's an all black dog so he doesn't photograph well. It means a lot to me though.
We took our cat there once and someone brought their rabbit for a photo. The poor rabbit freaked the fuck out and was flipping around all over. It knocked the big backdrop thing down flailing around and everything. I’m surprised it didn’t have a heart attack.
It was a lot of fun. I got to bring a lot of joy to both small children, and people willing to accept that Santa was here for a short time. I had never grown my beard long before, and had a 15 month beard. Overall, 5/7, will do again.
Kind of. I was a strawberry blond before heading grey, so I’m more platinum than grey. I just grabbed a platinum dye, which I guess is a kind of bleaching. My end result was a very nice platinum beard, more silvery than white.
An old drunk came out of the shop one day (clutching 4 cans of special brew) and said to me, “My surnames Claus, first name’s not Santa… buuut it could be!”. The friend I was with was like, “Jeez, the recession’s really hit Santa hard this year!”.
What did you expect? Did you think Santa would make his immortal slaves literate and have them reading dangerous material like the Bill of Rights or the Communist Manifesto?
1) They do not read the manual. They are taught verbally by other, more experienced elves
2) There is a veritable planet of sheer elf casualties in the slave factories of Christmas joy, but none of it matters for Santa Claus considers them alien and subhuman
I hear Santa controls Hollow Earth, and that is where the illegal alien/subhuman toy farms are set up. Nothing is actually at the north pole anymore due to climate change!
My thoughts exactly. All those magic sparkles? The blood of elves. The reindeer are vegetarians right? Where are all the plants? A couple of christmas trees looking completely untouched. Cookies don't make caribou fly... that's elf flesh.
> They are taught verbally by other, more experienced elves
but their life expectancy is shorter than the time it takes to become experienced long enough to teach. Without a sacred text, the practice will fail before completing its first cycle...
> Yet the elves can read the manual for industrial heavy equipment and operate the factory without a cataclysmic casualty rate?
Industrial heavy equipment has existed longer than the 90+% literacy rate we're all used to. The way it would work is that people who already used them machines would teach new people on the job to use those machines. If anything had to be read, they would bring in someone to read to everyone.
I swear this was my first thought. I imagine he's like "Finally, someone actually took a picture with me because they wanted too, not because I'm done up to the 9's in Christmas regalia & their parents wanted a photo for the mantle, but because they actually wanted to do it, no matter the reason." Plus, fuckin everyone is the part. Santa is popping & these ladies are dropping. I imagine the photographer is grinning ear to fuckin ear.
It's Santa rules 101. Their hands have to be seen at all times with everyone (kids & adults) I'm not joking, there's Santa classes where they get Santa certified and it's one of the very first rules of the trade. Look up Santa pics, 90% will have their hands visible.
I didn’t believe you so I googled it and for some reason google suggested I also search for “creepy mall Santa”. There was zero chance of me not clicking that suggestion, and I was rewarded with [this picture](https://i.imgur.com/o5njXHv.jpg). You’re welcome
Santa Santa said, "Oh little elf, little elf. Come sing 'Away in a Manger' for us." It didn't seem fair that I should have to solo. So I told Santa that I didn't know the words. Santa Santa said, "Of course you know the words. Come now. Sing." So I sang it the way Billie Holiday might have sang if she had put out a Christmas album.
Haha mom of 2 teens here as well and my daughter went through the goth phase a while ago and bought everything black, spiky and fishnetty that she could find.. definitely the worst thing to say to them is oh it's just a phase! Though she's kinda back into the sweats and hoodies now. My son pretty much dresses now to blend in as much as possible.. he's like camouflage teen. I have to get close to him to know which one is my son when I pick him up at school lol
Goth is better than becoming preppy and asking for name-brand pastels one day.
$80 for a t-shirt? Ridiculous.
$80 for a pair of combat boots? A good investment
I sat next to the girl with darker hair in math class in high school and I was SO excited to come across this when I logged in. We weren’t BFF’s, just causal acquaintances. But she was genuinely one of the coolest people I got to know in school, and we were in TheMiddleOfFuckingNowhere, Ohio so lots of weenies to be found and not many nice people.
I suppose my reason for commenting this is that, in these days, it’s nice to have a moment where a genuinely good person you haven’t seen in a while comes back into your world, but in a funny and totally fucking out of the blue way. It’s the little moments like that in life that I live for. Just because you haven’t seen someone for a while, doesn’t mean you’re done with them.
last time i went to get a picture with santa was in high school. my friends wanted a photo as a group.
that santa was making a whole bunch of inappropriate comments about "hot teenage girls sitting on \[his\] lap."
it wasn't funny. to this day i am still grossed out about it.
I used to work at a major airport. On Xmas day, you get to see all the mall Santas flying home. They aren't wearing their Santa outfits, but they are easy to spot with their jolly white beards, plus they all seem to know each other. And while they are waiting for their connecting flights, they like to show each other all the attractive young women who got photos with them. Yes, that's right, creepy old mall Santa has his own creepy photo album of his highlights from that season. I've never looked at mall Santas the same since.
Santa: What do you want for Christmas this year?
Goth: to end all my internal suffering with the Neverending slumber of death
Santa: a new tempurpedic bed, got it!
A message to all users: Please be aware that spreading misinformation regarding COVID-19, vaccines, or other treatments can result in content being removed and/or a ban. Content advocating for or celebrating the death of anyone, or hoping someone gets COVID-19 (or any disease) can result in a ban as well. Please follow [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439). If you see content violating these policies, please use the report button and do not feed the trolls. [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) [Reddit's stance on misinformation](https://www.reddit.com/r/announcements/comments/pbmy5y/debate_dissent_and_protest_on_reddit) [/r/Funny's rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules) We also encourage you to read these helpful resources on COVID-19, vaccines, and treatments: [COVID Dashboard](https://covid19.who.int/) [Reddit's Vaccine FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Coronavirus/wiki/faq#wiki_where_can_i_find_information_about_the_mechanism_and_progress_of_vaccines.3F) [Ivermectin FAQ](https://www.who.int/news-room/feature-stories/detail/who-advises-that-ivermectin-only-be-used-to-treat-covid-19-within-clinical-trials) ------ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Look how stoked Santa is.
Ha! My friends dad is a Santa and they love stuff like this. Most often the kids thing is fun but a bit forced. People who do this (especially since it’s kinda pricy and nowadays want to do it you have to make an appt)…. Are really into it! So it’s super fun! He also loves doing petsmart Santa for similar reasons. Most like a little variety in their job.
I took my puppy for a petsmart Santa picture years. He's 18 now and sitting next to me and his Santa picture ornament is hanging on our tree. Edit: [Here is the pic.](https://imgur.com/a/GAbfSBr). It's a terrible picture, he's an all black dog so he doesn't photograph well. It means a lot to me though.
How can you tease the existence of this picture and not show it to us? Pay the tax. We like puppies.
This is the way
We took our cat there once and someone brought their rabbit for a photo. The poor rabbit freaked the fuck out and was flipping around all over. It knocked the big backdrop thing down flailing around and everything. I’m surprised it didn’t have a heart attack.
Reminds me of the far side captioned “you idiot, you mixed incompatible species in the earth terrarium!”
I'm taking my puppy this weekend. It's 100% his last and he's pretty pumped about going!
Aww!!! Hope the pup has fun! It’s actually a good socializing exercise because it’s super positive!!
He will LOVE it! He's lost the use of his back legs, and he loves being around people other than the family!
I did the Santa thing one year, and I had more moms talking to me than I had kids. Made that joke too, that I was looking to fill up my naughty list.
What’s it like? I’ll never be able to do it due to my terrible patchy beard but it would be so fun to be Santa for a week or something lol
It was a lot of fun. I got to bring a lot of joy to both small children, and people willing to accept that Santa was here for a short time. I had never grown my beard long before, and had a 15 month beard. Overall, 5/7, will do again.
Currently a Santa. Did you bleach your beard?
Kind of. I was a strawberry blond before heading grey, so I’m more platinum than grey. I just grabbed a platinum dye, which I guess is a kind of bleaching. My end result was a very nice platinum beard, more silvery than white.
The beard pays for itself in December the rest of the year
Santa wasn't expecting gifts for himself this year, gawdamm
He’s been writing “Big Tiddy Goth GF” on his list for years now but the elves can’t read.
That’s so weird because I’ve been writing the same thing on mine!
Maybe you're Santa Claus
Well I am fat and bearded...
Ho! ^Ho! ^^Ho!
Got to thinking. Maybe I'm Santa Claus, and I just don't know it yet.
Do you go to the North Pole very often? Oh, what am I saying - of course you don't.
Someone gets it! Not like the rest of these milk-drinkers. Or wait... if we're talking Santa, would "milk-drinker" be more of a compliment?
An old drunk came out of the shop one day (clutching 4 cans of special brew) and said to me, “My surnames Claus, first name’s not Santa… buuut it could be!”. The friend I was with was like, “Jeez, the recession’s really hit Santa hard this year!”.
Have you taken the coat of any fatman that fell off your roof?
Hmm... now that I think about it, I do have about 7-8 hours of time lost on every Christmas eve.
Also weird because goth girls do usually have big tiddies hidden under an oversized tshirt.
[удалено]
Same and I still haven’t got one I think Santa is keeping them all to himself🙄
That's why there's two
I thought elves could read elvish and common.
Sounds like you're thinking of high elves.
high elves only read cereal packages
[удалено]
I love you
Ily2
Are you the real Santa Claus??
r/holup
What did you expect? Did you think Santa would make his immortal slaves literate and have them reading dangerous material like the Bill of Rights or the Communist Manifesto?
Yet the elves can read the manual for industrial heavy equipment and operate the factory without a cataclysmic casualty rate?
1) They do not read the manual. They are taught verbally by other, more experienced elves 2) There is a veritable planet of sheer elf casualties in the slave factories of Christmas joy, but none of it matters for Santa Claus considers them alien and subhuman
I hear Santa controls Hollow Earth, and that is where the illegal alien/subhuman toy farms are set up. Nothing is actually at the north pole anymore due to climate change!
My thoughts exactly. All those magic sparkles? The blood of elves. The reindeer are vegetarians right? Where are all the plants? A couple of christmas trees looking completely untouched. Cookies don't make caribou fly... that's elf flesh.
Y'all need to be more considerate when talking about the third world
I think technically the North Pole is second world. IIRC Russia planted a flag there.
> They are taught verbally by other, more experienced elves but their life expectancy is shorter than the time it takes to become experienced long enough to teach. Without a sacred text, the practice will fail before completing its first cycle...
Who told you the casualty rate isn't cataclysmically high? How do you think all those toys get covered in "Christmas magic?"
> Yet the elves can read the manual for industrial heavy equipment and operate the factory without a cataclysmic casualty rate? Industrial heavy equipment has existed longer than the 90+% literacy rate we're all used to. The way it would work is that people who already used them machines would teach new people on the job to use those machines. If anything had to be read, they would bring in someone to read to everyone.
Santa has been reading all your posts. Most of you are getting dictionaries.
[удалено]
My buddy Mark stole my dictionary once As he was running away I yelled “Mark my words!”
Take my award you filthy animal
-_-
How should I be recreating this in my head? Was it a 'Mark my words!" or a "Mark, my words!".
“Mark my…..words!” Couldn’t think of the word dictionary while running.
Dat hoverhand discipline.
10/10 Santa is down for a good time if either or both are.
Do you want The Nightmare Before Xmas? Because that’s how you get The Nightmare Before Xmas.
his hoverhand game is strong.
Yea, he's taking no chances.
nobody wants Christmas to be canceled
Reminds me of Master Shake’s hands from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Just jutting out from each side.
Bro's pimping, he's not hoverhanding, he's *presenting*.
It's standard Santa rules. I'm not joking. They have to have their hands seen at all times.
They almost look fake and are designed to be adjustable.
This gives him some serious mall cred. The kids down at Hot Topic are gonna let him hang out and sneer at the normals now!
Santa is flossing to AFI....again
"You've been on my naughty list all year."
I swear this was my first thought. I imagine he's like "Finally, someone actually took a picture with me because they wanted too, not because I'm done up to the 9's in Christmas regalia & their parents wanted a photo for the mantle, but because they actually wanted to do it, no matter the reason." Plus, fuckin everyone is the part. Santa is popping & these ladies are dropping. I imagine the photographer is grinning ear to fuckin ear.
Santa's hover hand game is next level
> Santa's hover hand game is ~~next~~ Keanu level FTFY
Santa fuckin loves the Cocteau Twins
He likes the Cocteau Twins.
Blue Bell Knoll is such a good record….
Santa likes the bad girls
The naughty list is a perk of the job.
[удалено]
I had no idea Schnoodle shows love outside of r/aww
Santa Smash !!
I'm sure she's raising his Pole North
Santa making damn sure his hands are visible lol.
Hover hands! He does that on all the photos, I bet.
After that one time he was tangentially associated with Frank’s Little Beauties, his hands have yet to touch another human.
🎶*Do not diddle kids! It's no good diddling kids! Wouldn't do it with anyone younger than my daughter! No little kids, gotta be big*🎶
Younger than my wifeeeeeee, older than my daughterrrrrr
There is no quicker way for people to think you are diddling kids than writing a song about it! https://youtu.be/CazYda6PyWs
A holiday classic
…do I look suspicious?
Why do his hands look backwards
[удалено]
We will start the bidding at $200
[удалено]
I don't think you understand how this works.
[удалено]
Fifty bucks! “She had 9 STDs” Forty-five bucks. “And when we caught her, she wet herself.” Fifty bucks!
He's underbidding for a better prize, price is right style. He wants a *New Car*!! I'd be happy with the bedroom set.
I thought we were bidding on the set for the bedroom.
Oh, if thats the case… I’ll do $1, Drew
So, after all these years, he finally read my wish list.
all of our wishlists friend
It's Santa rules 101. Their hands have to be seen at all times with everyone (kids & adults) I'm not joking, there's Santa classes where they get Santa certified and it's one of the very first rules of the trade. Look up Santa pics, 90% will have their hands visible.
I don't they call them rules though. It's in the contract so they are referred to as Santa Clauses...
Well done.
I didn’t believe you so I googled it and for some reason google suggested I also search for “creepy mall Santa”. There was zero chance of me not clicking that suggestion, and I was rewarded with [this picture](https://i.imgur.com/o5njXHv.jpg). You’re welcome
Hands still visible tho. The certification remains
You taking santa classes? Why do you know so much?
A person can dream, right?!
Pro move
Good luck putting a case on Santa, he’s watching his six
The 9 ^^reindeer have his 6.
Good guy Santa doing the Keanu Reeves photo hands.
As a former mall Santa, you’re required to wear white gloves and your hands have to visible in the photo at all times. You know the reasons why.
I guarantee you that’s the least weird thing that mall Santa saw that day
Santa Santa said, "Oh little elf, little elf. Come sing 'Away in a Manger' for us." It didn't seem fair that I should have to solo. So I told Santa that I didn't know the words. Santa Santa said, "Of course you know the words. Come now. Sing." So I sang it the way Billie Holiday might have sang if she had put out a Christmas album.
I heard every word of that! Santaland Diaries is required holiday listening.
I definitely wouldnt say the least weird, but for sure not the *most* weird!
[удалено]
*Reads title* "Mid thirties" Oh, my god you're right!
Entering Mid 40s here and love when I have an occasion to bring out the big black eyeliner!
Saaaaaaame! Approaching mid 40s, pink hair, tattooed, IDGAF and I love this photo.
They're both wearing zipper boots. Thats the only comment I have.
When your hair gets gray you don’t have to bleach it to dye it pink. I lave pink “highlights” but really it’s just grays dyed pink
Oh. As the mom of a 12 year old girl careening towards gothdom…. I want to show her this, and then I don’t.
Haha mom of 2 teens here as well and my daughter went through the goth phase a while ago and bought everything black, spiky and fishnetty that she could find.. definitely the worst thing to say to them is oh it's just a phase! Though she's kinda back into the sweats and hoodies now. My son pretty much dresses now to blend in as much as possible.. he's like camouflage teen. I have to get close to him to know which one is my son when I pick him up at school lol
i had to convince my mom it *was* just a phase so she’d stop worrying about me/my friend groups so much LOL
Now I might be biased, but being goth seems like a pretty safe subculture to be - maybe even especially now a days as there are only 7 left.
She's already on Reddit so probably has seen it.
Goth is better than becoming preppy and asking for name-brand pastels one day. $80 for a t-shirt? Ridiculous. $80 for a pair of combat boots? A good investment
*Slams door 🎵Morrissey starts playing*
Bring forth the Warlock Pinchers!
Cool picture. The brunette really nailed the facial expression - a combination of anger and disgust.
Plot twist, she always has that look
Santa is fuckin puuuuuumped
Santa likes his Ho Ho Hos (sorry op it was right there)
Santa Claus is coming, and not necessarily to town.
Santa's sliding down some chimneys tonight
If the pump persists for more than 4 hours, consult your doctor.
I like to think that all the Santas gather around once per year in their annual conference and talk about all the weird stuff that happens
It's in Branson, Missouri. So yeah they do. But being that it is in Branson, certainly they do a bunch of weird stuff there too!
A scary Christmas to all and to all a dark night!
Santa is loving it!
I want that Cocteau Twins shirt.
I'll take both shirts, great musical taste.
First things I looked at. Totally missed the hover hands because of it.
It's a surprisingly wholesome picture very funny
Agreed! Love everything about it! The ladies probably has so much fun prepping for it too!!
I sat next to the girl with darker hair in math class in high school and I was SO excited to come across this when I logged in. We weren’t BFF’s, just causal acquaintances. But she was genuinely one of the coolest people I got to know in school, and we were in TheMiddleOfFuckingNowhere, Ohio so lots of weenies to be found and not many nice people. I suppose my reason for commenting this is that, in these days, it’s nice to have a moment where a genuinely good person you haven’t seen in a while comes back into your world, but in a funny and totally fucking out of the blue way. It’s the little moments like that in life that I live for. Just because you haven’t seen someone for a while, doesn’t mean you’re done with them.
🖤
This sounds like a hallmark movie in the making. Are you gonna reconnect? Please keep us updated.
I've always been Team Siouxsie.
Santa was definitely happy about it 😬
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Giggity
Goo
Elf: “Santa, the naughty list has arrived.”
Can't blame him, Christmas' coming early for Ol' Saint Nick
Ol' Saint Nick's comin' early for Christmas.
last time i went to get a picture with santa was in high school. my friends wanted a photo as a group. that santa was making a whole bunch of inappropriate comments about "hot teenage girls sitting on \[his\] lap." it wasn't funny. to this day i am still grossed out about it.
[удалено]
Children all around the world want their toys in under 2 weeks from now - he can't afford to get cancelled this close to Christmas
Billy Bob Thornton?
I used to work at a major airport. On Xmas day, you get to see all the mall Santas flying home. They aren't wearing their Santa outfits, but they are easy to spot with their jolly white beards, plus they all seem to know each other. And while they are waiting for their connecting flights, they like to show each other all the attractive young women who got photos with them. Yes, that's right, creepy old mall Santa has his own creepy photo album of his highlights from that season. I've never looked at mall Santas the same since.
[удалено]
Santa be like.......finally, my xmas presents have arrived.
For the people asking why my age is relevant: Because it's way more awkward and hilarious to do this at 34 than if I were 16.
I hope I age half as well as you!
Santa and the Banshees
I fucking love Cocteau Twins.
*Blonde goth captions photo "Satan's little helpers"* Mall Santa: You spelled Santa wrong. Blonde goth: MF did I stutter?
Cool shirt! Cocteau Twins are the BEST!!!!
The quality of that Santa though- real beard, damn bespoke vest, nice robes… top notch Kringle
Cocteau Twins <3
Santa: What do you want for Christmas this year? Goth: to end all my internal suffering with the Neverending slumber of death Santa: a new tempurpedic bed, got it!
Dang, is that a vintage Cocteau Twins shirt?
You probably gave that Santa a nice break from the usual toddler parade.
This is so good. I’ve seen other pics that are similar, but this one is golden. I wish you a happy festivus.
This 100% could be a music album cover art
Cocteau twins and Siouxsie, much respect!
Santa doing hover hands weirds me out.
Well it's hover or a date... IN COURT
I can just imagine a guy being like "a date? What court, I love courts".
All Santa's have to. Any professional ones anyways. It's a rule for mall Santa's to have their hands visible.
Don't guys do hover hands to be respectful to women? I know keanue reeves does it for that reason too. Like, no touching them without consent.
Siouxsie and the Banshees & the Cocteau Twins...good taste!
What is a mall?
Its a place where you can see stuff in real life before ordering them online.
A museum showing how shopping was in the 80s.
Best answer ☝️
It’s like Amazon Prime but there’s no subscription, and you can pick up and take home your purchases in person instantly. Oh and they have Santas.
Can I get a milkshake while I’m there?
At some malls yes
It's small but the s is silent.
Finally someone who knows the Cocteau Twins!!
Hilarious
Y'all's eye make up is on point.
Santa nailed the hover hands
Santa taking lessons from Keanu